Latest / Ok But Are You Good? / I’m Wasting My Energy on People Who Don’t Deserve It

Transcript

I’m Wasting My Energy on People Who Don’t Deserve It · Ok But Are You Good?

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Corinne, and this is Okay But Are You Good?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Where we checking ourselves on a weekly basis to see how we're doing.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Are we living our best lives or we just trying to get by?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a better week, y'all.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let's let's snaps for that.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I just am taking the good days as they come and dealing with the bad days as they are.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: So as I say that, the bad days are bad, right?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And last week we talked about that feeling of like waiting for things to fall apart, not really embracing like living in the moment while things are calm, enjoying it.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if this has happened for you, but it's like I I predicted it or brought it upon myself.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I man accidentally manifested something happening, something I didn't want to.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And what I realized is that after this instant incident happened, that it's almost like I put my energy towards it, and that's why it occurred and wasted my energy on it when I should have just been putting it towards being in the moment and enjoying myself.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what we're gonna talk about this week of wasting our energy on things andor people that we shouldn't be wasting it on.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So the it moment that occurred for me, it was a conversation slash argument.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Other times it could be so many other things, right?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: But that is my example.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: So this moment where something actually goes wrong, it's it could be a conversation, a shift in a relationship or friendship, or something so tiny that just actually confirms how you've been feeling.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's not a I knew it moment.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's a like, ugh, I didn't want to be right in this scenario.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: You don't feel relieved.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like kind of clarity of like, okay, you need to adjust and redirect like your lifestyle, how you spend your time with this person, and not manifesting bad energy.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you manifest it, you're gonna get it.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you're surrounded by bad people, bad energy, negativity, that is what your life is gonna look like.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're surrounding yourself with positivity, good vibes, that is what your life will be like.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of how your life plays out, is who you surround yourself with and what mentality you keep in check.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you're miserable all the time and it has a lot to do with the people you're with, you gotta look at that, right?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's obviously stuff out of our control, but that's why we focus on what we can't control so we can get out of this mindset, out of this energy of just waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for something bad to happen.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So then when it does happen, you know how to handle it correctly, or you know what happened and what you got to change to not have this be a recurring thing.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I know I've talked about how hard I've been working on myself and how much I've changed in the last few years, and I think it's for the better.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe other people would say otherwise, but I don't care to a certain extent.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: But this part of me hasn't really changed of like not being able to live in the moment, and then now something's happened and I've wasted so much energy on it, wasted so many overthoughts, overthinking, like time.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of giving this situation, this person power over me.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And my therapist told me, like, you gotta stop wasting your time with this, putting so much energy because you're letting the other person win.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it gets exhausting.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: It gets exhausting when everything's great, and then one small conversation just sets you back and it sucks.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's so disappointing.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm in this moment, I'm still set back from one conversation, one argument, and I refuse to let anyone have power over me.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to be happy and focused on myself.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I know when I've been putting too much time into something that doesn't deserve it is when I'm still thinking about it when it's well past the time I should be.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: It should be a same day, get over it, and it's like a couple weeks later, and I'm still focused on something that I shouldn't be focused on because they don't deserve my time or my energy.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just, it's just been exhausting.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been trying to set boundaries in my own way, trying to move on and accept, okay, this taught me a lot.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I need to shift it, but it's so much easier said than done.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I still haven't gotten over it.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I need to, and that's why like I'm trying to focus on other things, keep myself busy, really dive into things that need my attention and energy, and not someone that's just wasting it and withering it away to bad light.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think I realized like how much I was wasting on this until like talking to my therapist and like my best friend.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, why do I even care?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a nonsense that someone's spilling at me, nonsense that I'm wasting my time on because I've changed so much, this other person hasn't.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I just have to keep certain people at an arm's length for my own mental health.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not serving me, if you're not looking out for me and yourself, or if you're not in my if you're not looking out for me, I don't want you in my life, bro.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like please stop being my friend.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I will be okay without you.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Stop bringing negative energy into me.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it's all about controlling what we can control.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I've said I don't fully have that 100% grasp of like what that looks like for every situation.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: But for this, I need to just move on and forget about it and accept it is what it is and just not waste my time hanging out with this person anymore.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm slowly, gradually doing that.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's easier um said than done.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I can't fix things.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I know I can't change other people.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: I can only change myself.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's just like what I have to accept with this.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, they're gonna live their little miserable life, say negative things and try and tear me down, but I refuse to let them do this.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I feel like I brought this upon myself that like I couldn't just live in the cool, in the calm, that like something had to happen and it did.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why when things are cool, you gotta appreciate it because now this has set me back mentally when I really hate it.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want it to, and I'm working on it not affecting me so much.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, anxiety and overthinking and anger is just something that's on and off all the time with me.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: But that's why we go to therapy and that's why we work out.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a big thing is I haven't been working out and I see that struggle of like how that's affecting me because I'm still in recovery.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Can you believe it?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's been so long from the marathon.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: But this is just a little speed bump.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I will get over it, I will work on it.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: I've been here before where something is said to me and I can't get over it as quickly as I would hope.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I just hope I'm not alone in this.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't think I am.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I there has to be at least one other person out there that gets stuck on things that don't need to have energy your energy put towards.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And there's like an imbalance with it of like you realize you're put like this person can just say something and walk away and not think about it, and then you're stuck thinking about it because they know you care more, you know that you think more about things, and you're letting someone take power over you when you're letting them use your positive qualities against you.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Never mistake my kindness.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't take my kindness for advantage because the second you cross me, you the second you make me break, I will not be there for you.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I need to uh realize like it's goes the same way.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, people aren't always gonna have your back, they're not always gonna, they're gonna use you for whatever.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: So you kind of just gotta set those boundaries and realize that and not waste energy on it and give your time towards people that matter.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we're given our energy in the wrong places, it just makes us angry.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: You get drained for no reason because you're putting your all your energy into this person, situation, whatever it is.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: It spikes your anxiety for sure.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: It has mine, and you don't have any time or energy for yourself because you're wasting it on these people that don't deserve it.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then I just like I don't know.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And with that, it's like, I just feel like I'm the one doing something wrong.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the one that's crazy, I'm the one that's like losing their mind a little bit.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: But in reality, you're just I'm misplacing my energy.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm putting it towards the wrong things, and then it affects my mental health, and then it's just this like infinity or like, I don't know, just a roundabout that keeps happening.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm trying to break that cycle.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I want to get off the carousel.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I want to get off the ride.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be here, man.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's just funny because I feel like this is something I've really struggled with my whole life.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to meet other people's expectations, putting my energy towards people that don't deserve it.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's coming back to haunt me, but in a good way, it's coming back at me in a way of like, okay, like you have to break this cycle.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: You have to not let other people control your life and control how you feel about yourself in certain situations because they're winning.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want other people to win in that aspect.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I want myself to win in the fat in a way of like, they don't set me back in my mental health journey.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: They don't put me in a negative mind space of thinking like not everything's gonna work out because I know everything's gonna work out.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm gonna be okay.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm gonna be happy at the end of the day.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I need to shift this.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm working on this.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not getting giving, I it's not something that's gonna happen overnight, but I'm working on shifting my energy of being more selective of where it's going, letting people misunderstand who I am, not having to overexplain myself.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, one day, one day that will be something I don't have to do.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And not chasing people that don't deserve my time and energy.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not cutting everyone off.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not, I'm just spending less time around certain people that don't serve me anymore.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of us are doing that.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think it's dramatic or doing too much.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's just being aware of what's happening and not putting up with it anymore.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like as kids, you have to put up with a lot, or like even when you're 18, I don't know.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I just I'm over it.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And as I've I feel like for months now I've been working on that, not going to everything out of guilt, not doing this and that, because I feel like I have to.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just not doing certain things because I simply don't want to.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I can do that because I'm 30 now.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Woo! So I feel like I've just realized, like in the last few weeks, of like I need to just live in the moment and enjoy it.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then when things like this come up of negativity and it feels like a setback, I really just need to focus and redirect where I'm putting my energy towards because that really affects me, and it probably affects some other people out there when we're focused on the wrong things.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: So let's moving forward, moving into this next week, let's put our energy into good vibes and hope for the best and deal with things as they come up because life will always be life, right?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure this week you ask yourself, where's my energy really going?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Is it going to people that deserve it or not?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't need to give everything to everyone.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to protect your mental peace.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And let's do that this week.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do that moving forward.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Be self aware, babes.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you so much for listening in.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see y'all next week.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure to ask yourself okay, but are you good?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to like and subscribe.