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Deserving vs Worthiness · Cash Confident with Brie Sodano

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident Podcast.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: If you're a woman ready to take charge of your finances and create a life of abundance and exponential wealth, you've found the right place.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your host, known to my clients as the Queen Maker.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Get ready to dive into a world of money management, mindset and manifestation, set and manifestation.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Oh hello, hello, bruce Sedano, here for the Cash Confident Podcast with you All right.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: And today we're talking about deservingness, worthiness, value, and I want to put some language around these things.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Yesterday I was talking to a client who we were talking about her buying some new things, and she was like, honestly, I just feel like I just don't deserve it, like I just don't feel deserving of it, and then she goes to carry on to tell me that she's really been working on feeling more worthy.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: And I said something yesterday in one of my client meetings that I just haven't said before.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: That, I think, was the most clear way that I put it.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to reiterate this conversation that I had with you so that way you could start to see what deserving like for the truth of what it is All right.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: So, listen, we have an inherent worthiness.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: We're worthy because we are like there's nothing more about worthiness to say.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Every single creature has an inherent worthiness.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Now, humans are interesting because as we grow, we start to put conditions on our worthiness right.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: So as we grow up, we're learning if I'm a good girl, then people love me and I'm worthy of being loved.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Or if I'm on time, or if I'm a high producer, or if I make a lot of money, or if I'm beautiful, or if I'm thin enough, or if I'm a high producer, or if I make a lot of money, or if I'm beautiful, or if I'm thin enough, I'm worthy, right, and we put conditions on who.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: We need to be able to feel our own sense of worthiness right, and so worthiness is a very vague term, but it's like your ability to be loved, your ability to be in relationship and communion with all of the people, like your people, the world, right, like it's.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: So your own sense of that, now that is inherent and it is priceless, right?
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I'm going to add something else to this discussion, because there's value, right?
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: So one of the phrases that I hate the most is to charge your worth.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I hate it, and the reason that I hate this phrase so much is because you do not charge for your worth.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: It is inherent, it is priceless.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: You charge for the value of the service or product or time and expertise that you bring to the table in a marketplace situation.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Right, we all have inherent worth, and it is what it is right.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: And there are people who make tons of money and there are people who make little money, and they both have inherent worth and it is what it is right.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: And there are people who make tons of money and there are people who make little money, and they both have inherent worth.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: What they don't have the same of is a marketplace value.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: That is not the same, right?
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: So I don't charge for my worth.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: That's ridiculous.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I charge for the value that somebody gets from working with me, whether it's coaching or in a mastermind or in a course.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: People pay for the value of what, and then they make up their mind about what that is worth to them.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Some people like to pay my rates and some people like to listen to this wonderful free podcast, and both are beautiful, right?
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: So they get to decide what's worth it to them and worth it is very different than what I'm talking about when we're talking about worthiness.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: They're not the same.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm throwing that in there, because that's just, it's just a side note, and I think it's worth mentioning, because when we get tangled up, when our worthiness, like our inherent, priceless, like divine given worthiness, gets tangled up in the price that we charge, then when people are not willing to pay that price, then we're questioning our whole worthiness and it's honestly, it's a problem.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: The entire discussion of charge your worth is more problematic than it's helpful, okay, so let me just throw that out there, in case you were thinking that.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, so back to deserving.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: So what does it mean to deserve?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Now, deserve, from what I gather, is not a frequency, it's not an energy, it's a cocktail of conditions that you need to require for yourself to feel your own sense of worthiness in regards to something right.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: So this client that I was talking to yesterday was wanting to buy some new clothes and she was not feeling deserving of the new clothes because she was not meeting the conditions that she'd set forth for that, and so she didn't feel the worth that she had.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Like, she didn't feel deserving to buy these clothes, all right, so I'm going to just go through.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: So, generally, deserving is a cocktail and so, listen, everybody's sense of deserving is different and you may feel deserving of one thing while you don't feel deserving of something else, because it's just the set of mental conditions that you've set for yourself that you need to meet to feel like you're justified and having or doing or being whatever we're talking about here.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: So generally, though, I'm going to go through this because I've worked with a lot of people, so I'm going to just give you like the criteria.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: So generally, deserving has an element of I've earned it or I've worked for it.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: It generally has an element of I can handle it right, like I can steward whatever it is, like I can handle it, depending on it.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we have to be in the right place, right, like she was talking about buying new clothes.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: She had to be the right size and shape.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: So sometimes there's an element of being successful enough in whatever else to be able to deserve it, or being far enough along, or being some element of like eternal success enough along, or being some element of like eternal success.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's that you can use whatever it is.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: And then we have ideas of undeserving right, and we usually say people don't deserve that.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: When it's when something unfortunate has happened to somebody that we like, we'll be like, oh, so-and-so didn't deserve to get cancer and you're like, okay, what exactly is the conditioning?
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Like what conditions need to be met to get it?
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Doesn't matter, it doesn't make sense.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, so deserving.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: So when you're feeling undeserving, the best way to address that situation is instead of trying to feel like you deserve it because that's you could.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: But what I would, what I would really encourage you to do, is to look at like, all right, well, ask yourself what would it take for me to feel deserving of new clothes or this vacation or to do whatever, what would it take for me to feel like I deserve this and start to write down those conditions that you need?
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to share with you.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: So yesterday, the client who was wanting to buy the new clothes.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: She said I need to feel like I've earned it.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I need to be a certain size, my needs need to be more important or more pressing than my kids needs and I need to use the clothes.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I need to be able to use the clothes for a certain amount of time, which was like a year or better.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: So this woman is in the process.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: She's already lost a very substantial amount of weight and she's still in that she still has another very substantial bit to go Right, and the earn date was both like on the fact that she could pay cash for it, so there's like the financial earn it, but it was really much more that she was a certain size, so she felt like she wasn't deserving of new clothes until she was the size that she wanted to be.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: So here's a really big jam.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Up, though, is because she's already lost 60 or 70 pounds.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: She's got another 60 or 70 to go.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: She's swimming in the clothes that she's got and she feels unworthy to buy more.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: So what?
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, what's she going to do?
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Walk around like naked, the clothes are literally falling off of her, and so what I've noted when I was talking to her, in this particular woman's situation, there was a lot of elements of punishment.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: There was an undercurrent of her not being good enough and her punishing herself by restricting these ability to buy clothes.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Now I will tell you this woman makes plenty of money and she can afford clothes.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to get somebody to buy clothes.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: That it's truly going to be damaging to their financial life.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: This woman can afford to buy clothes.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I'm sharing this with you because this is what we do to ourselves around deserving.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: People will have money and feel like they don't deserve it and get rid of it.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: People will have love, feel like they don't deserve it and get rid of it, and so deservingness isn't something that you try, that I would suggest trying to achieve.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: I would really start to question for yourself the conditions that you have set for yourself in order to be deserving of the thing that, whatever it is that we're talking about here.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: So we questioned this.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: We questioned these elements of deserving, because so, look, these elements of deserving that she had set for herself could not even be achieved, right, this second, because she wasn't the size that she wanted to be right.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: So it's like, even though she earned it, even though that she has a need for the clothes, even though she can use the clothes for another few months, she still wasn't the size that she wanted to be.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: And so I'm like but that's a really cruel way to treat yourself.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: If you need to be perfect to deserve clothes, or if you need and we do Listen she isn't.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: She is not the only one Like I'm.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I'm talking to you, I'm talking to you, I'm talking to me, I'm talking to everybody, because we all do this, so her conditions could not.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Eventually they will be met, but by then they're going to change anyways.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: By then, instead of just losing 60 pounds, she's going to need to lose 70 years.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Then she's going to need the Tommy talk.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Or then she's like we do this, we change the criteria.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: So I highly encourage you to grab when you're feeling like, oh, I feel like I don't deserve this.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Grab a pen, grab a piece of paper, write the thing and then just ask yourself what would need to happen for me to deserve this.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Who would I need to be?
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: What would I need to do?
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Where would I need to be in my life?
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: What conditions do I have set?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: And then look at them.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: One, are they contradictory?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, if I meet this condition, is it mutually exclusive of that condition, because that means wired for pain.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: And then, two, are these conditions necessary?
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Most of the time they're not, but like whatever, are they necessary?
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Are they true?
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Do they make sense?
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: And more importantly, the most importantly, is this how I want to treat myself Listening to this woman not buy herself clothes because she wasn't there.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: It says it hurt my feelings, and I've been there.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I've been there.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I'm not judging her because I think it hurt my feelings because I've also been that lady.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: You do You're with me?
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I think everybody that is a woman in America that's probably old enough to be listening to this podcast knows exactly what I'm talking about.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, I just wanted to throw this out here for you today, because I think the distinction between worthy worth, your like, inherent worth, the value of what you bring to the marketplace, and the idea of deserving, I think it's just worth putting some language around and then really to be able to break down the conditions around deserving, because it's just such a hold back when we feel undeserving, like when we feel undeserving right, because then if we treat ourselves like we're undeserving, the whole world is going to mirror that back to us.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: The whole world's going to mirror that back to us.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: All right, I love you, I appreciate you.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I'll talk to you next week.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the Cash Confident Podcast.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Remember, knowledge alone isn't enough to build wealth.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: It's what you do with that knowledge that counts, and that's where the Cash Confident community comes in.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Our community is where aspiring, wealthy women gather together to master money and mindset and build exponential wealth.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I invite you to join our community, where women are cultivating a healthy relationship with money and living the life of their dreams.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Visit wwwcashconfidentcom to learn more.