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Transcript

Howard the Duck · Citizen Frame

• 0:03
  Let's go for it, Mr. Macho. What do you mean? Okay, it was a joke.
• 0:13
  Listen, I'm pretty tired. It's just that you're so incredibly soft and cuddly.
• 0:18
  Bev, let's be realistic.
• 0:20
  I mean, my apartment's zillions of miles from here.
• 0:24
  You're three feet taller than I am. I just can't resist your intense animal magnetism. Whoops.
• 0:35
  Anyway, where will it all lead? Marriage? Kids? A house in the suburbs?
• 0:41
  Let's just face it. It's fate. No, it's not.
• 0:47
  I've got a headache. And I've got the aspirin.
• 0:51
  Be gentle. all right all right everybody well that was horrible i sounded drunk there,
• 0:59
  that's probably because you are it's a saturday night when we're recording karen's
• 1:03
  pissed yeah fucking yeah we're real party animals we're recording this we're
• 1:09
  recording fucking howard the duck on a saturday when everybody's out in the town partying,
• 1:14
  we're sitting at home yeah talking about a shit 80s fellow yes i got a fucking
• 1:20
  coffee at fucking Fucking 8.30 at night.
• 1:23
  That's a real party guy here. Yeah. I'm sitting here with a big pint of water. So yeah, rock and roll.
• 1:33
  Okay.
• 1:35
  As you know, Marvel's pretty big. This is a Marvel film? Yeah.
• 1:43
  Well, no, it's a George Lucas film.
• 1:46
  But based on a Marvel Comics draft? Based on a Marvel Comics, yes.
• 1:49
  Marvel wasn't the universe it was. It was just more known as Marvel Comics.
• 1:54
  So it was pretty much just based on the story created by blah, blah, blah.
• 2:00
  Yeah. So they were trying to kind of, we talked about this with Buckaroo Banzai, Quirky was in.
• 2:08
  And that's kind of what we were talking about when we did Last Terminator there.
• 2:11
  We talked about what we'd be doing here in the next four.
• 2:14
  These films that came out, He-Man would be a perfect example based on other
• 2:18
  material, Street Fighter, and obviously Howard the Duck.
• 2:22
  But you had these kind of zany films coming out outside the box, zany.
• 2:27
  Buckaroo Banzai, Big Trouble in Little China.
• 2:30
  And some worked, some didn't. And this one was the big one.
• 2:34
  This one pretty much killed the prayers of the directing writing team,
• 2:40
  William Hook and Gloria Katz. They were both married.
• 2:45
  Very talented people. They did American, they wrote, they're Lucasfilm kids.
• 2:50
  So they- They wrote Temple of Doom. Yeah, they wrote Temple of Doom.
• 2:53
  They wrote American Graffiti.
• 2:55
  But I think what killed them was they directed two of the biggest bombs in the
• 2:59
  80s, if not two of the biggest bombs in film history, back to back.
• 3:04
  And both films had massive star potential. Leah Thompson was finally getting
• 3:10
  her own film because she was hot from Red Dawn, Some Kind of Wonderful, Back to the Future.
• 3:16
  First one just came out. So she was the next get.
• 3:20
  Then they directed a movie called Best Defense, which had two big A-listers
• 3:26
  at the time, Eddie Murphy and Dudley Moore.
• 3:30
  Terrible film to Best Defense. Terrible. I haven't seen it. Don't.
• 3:35
  And then they did this one. I think finally he said, no, that's it.
• 3:39
  Again, George Lucas has to take blame for this as well. He is,
• 3:44
  I think, a very smart man, but he's really good with, like you said,
• 3:48
  industrial light magic, Lucasfilm sound, and producing certain characters.
• 3:54
  Star Wars is a brilliant film. At the end of the day, George Lucas is not Spielberg
• 3:59
  to me. Spielberg is the man.
• 4:02
  Yeah. And I have nothing against George Lucas. because I got to thank him for
• 4:05
  helping with Indiana Jones and Star Wars, of course. But that's it.
• 4:10
  His other projects, the Red Tails movie he did, it was terrible.
• 4:13
  Willow. He did Willow. It was terrible.
• 4:16
  I know it's kind of a cult following now. That was Ron Howard,
• 4:19
  but again, produced by- Yeah, remember Willow? Yeah, produced by Lucas. Warwick Davis.
• 4:23
  The Radioland murders. I mean, what the fuck?
• 4:27
  I would, at this point as well, like to give a shout out to Conley and Slago.
• 4:33
  The reason being, he knows his shit when it comes to comic books.
• 4:38
  When I said I was watching this for the podcast on Facebook,
• 4:41
  he jumped in with a comment that, right from the off, I must say,
• 4:45
  I have not read the source material,
• 4:47
  the hard-to-duck comic strips, but Kahn was saying that apparently they were
• 4:52
  pretty edgy and they were pretty much the boys,
• 4:55
  you know, the current Netflix show of the comic book world,
• 4:58
  and it was pretty edgy stuff but this is an atrocious sort of reimagining of
• 5:03
  it where it tries to go too mainstream or sort of balance between mainstream
• 5:08
  and also try to be a bit edgy as well but appeals to neither,
• 5:11
  I think they tried to go edgy I read some of the Howard the Duck stuff so I
• 5:18
  know what they were trying to do but when you're trying to do edgy but balance it almost like.
• 5:27
  A kiddie film it becomes more creepy
• 5:30
  than edgy yes exactly 100 and this
• 5:33
  film is creepy in aspect unintentionally i'm
• 5:36
  not saying that the guys who made it were creepy i just think that they got
• 5:39
  it wrong in terms of the tone just like you're saying like i'm saying like con
• 5:43
  saying it's they're trying to do this balancing act between basically appealing
• 5:46
  to the mainstream and the kids but also being true to the source material like
• 5:51
  i say i haven't read the source material but i'm going by
• 5:53
  what you're saying and what Colin said to me. Yeah. So. Well. That's.
• 5:57
  Yeah. Howard the Duck is pretty much a take on the old Humphrey Bogart,
• 6:03
  50s noir kind of detectives. Yes.
• 6:05
  And he's drinks, he smokes, he's a womanizer.
• 6:09
  You know, that's Howard the Duck.
• 6:11
  Okay. And he's, you know, unclean shaven and he's just dirty. He's, you know.
• 6:18
  Yeah. And we don't get this with this one, but let's just jump into it.
• 6:21
  All right. We got Leah Thompson. I love you, Leah.
• 6:25
  Yeah. I mean. Leah Thompson. She's written this? She's the best thing about this? Yes.
• 6:29
  She's. Well, no, you know what? I like Jeffrey Jones, sadly.
• 6:34
  It's just bonkers over the top. Yeah. We got Leah Thompson as Beverly.
• 6:37
  We got Duck played by Ed Gale and Jeffrey Jones as Dr. Jennings.
• 6:43
  Tim Robbins as Phil, who's terrible in it.
• 6:45
  Yep. Yep. Paul Garfoyle, who I like to see, Lieutenant Welker.
• 6:48
  And then we got a bunch of motherfuckers. Yeah.
• 6:51
  Yeah. Yeah. Tim Robbins cannot do comedy Stick to the more serious depressing
• 6:55
  roles Like the Shawshank Redemption Well he started off in comedy He did a movie
• 6:59
  with Johnny Depp called Private Resort And then he ended up doing Which is quite
• 7:03
  good comedy With the movie that kind of put him on the map Called Bull Durham,
• 7:07
  Then he did the Coen Brothers Hudsucker Proxy Which was a comedy So you know
• 7:12
  he's done some pretty When he got older In his acting career His comedy started
• 7:18
  playing a little It's just annoying here Yeah,
• 7:21
  you can't do, oh no, you can't because Hotshot Caproxy is pretty zany.
• 7:26
  Maybe it's turned in the direction. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 7:29
  You know, could very well be. That's like a fucking asshole. Okay, got it.
• 7:33
  No problem there. And the script as well, because the lines aren't exactly,
• 7:37
  you know, sort of, you know, there's not much to go with. So, yeah.
• 7:42
  So maybe I'm being unfair to Tim Robbins, you know. Yeah.
• 7:45
  When it comes to, the funny thing is, Leah Thompson had the hardest part.
• 7:53
  Because you have Tim Robbins playing Zany. Paul Guilfoyle was only there for, you know, backdrop.
• 7:59
  You know, he's his character. She's a straight character. Yes.
• 8:01
  Jeffrey Jones goes nuts. He becomes nuts.
• 8:06
  Leah Thompson had the harder role because she had to play it straight.
• 8:09
  Yep. Yep. What I remember of this film, I actually have a strange,
• 8:13
  as bad as this is, I have a bit of a nostalgia connection to this.
• 8:17
  Back when I was a kid. Bestiality?
• 8:21
  Duck porn? No, no. back when I was a kid I used to go over to stay with my two
• 8:25
  cousins Bill and Thomas and you know obviously their dad and mom my uncle Billy
• 8:29
  just passed away last week so watching this shortly after he passed was a bit
• 8:33
  of a strange thing but we used to stay I used to stay over in their house with
• 8:37
  them because we're all primary school age you know 7, 8, 9,
• 8:39
  10, 11 and stuff and we used to rent videos out
• 8:42
  at times and this was one of the videos we rented
• 8:45
  out the first time I saw this the first and only time until I watched it for
• 8:48
  the podcast but the only thing I could remember from watching
• 8:51
  it back then whenever i would have been about 10 or 11 is strangely
• 8:55
  the final you know sing song
• 8:58
  were howard yeah howard the
• 9:01
  duck yeah yeah yeah that's basically the only thing i can remember from it i
• 9:05
  knew everybody you know i had acquired a status of like being dreadful and one
• 9:10
  of the worst films ever made but for me i just remember the main thing i can
• 9:14
  remember is leah thompson being a pop star at the end i i gotta again i'm gonna
• 9:18
  go back to leah thompson there Because,
• 9:20
  I mean, she sang her own music in this, you know? I know she did.
• 9:23
  I know she did. And you got to give her credit. She went all out.
• 9:27
  She, this was the- She's the best thing I've heard of. She is.
• 9:29
  And she's good in it. She is. Yeah. And actually, they're all there to do what they're told to do.
• 9:35
  Jeffrey Jones is a comic genius. I loved him in Ferris Bueller.
• 9:37
  God, I'm so pissed off. Yeah, really? I'm pissed off what happened.
• 9:41
  With the photos? With his personal life. With his 14-year-old boy?
• 9:43
  Yeah. No, he's gone pretty much now and- Disgraced? Yeah.
• 9:47
  It's just, but I'm sorry. Sorry, Jeffrey Jones in the 80s was like my, it was, oh.
• 9:52
  Well, he had Rudy, he was a great character at first. You know,
• 9:55
  Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.
• 9:56
  And then we got Beetlejuice coming out and he's not going to be in it. You know, it's like, oh.
• 10:00
  Because he's part of that team, you know. But, I don't know, it's too bad.
• 10:05
  But anyways, yeah, so like I mentioned, he's a 50s kind of.
• 10:10
  Beaten down noir kind of guy. Yeah.
• 10:13
  It opens up the trumpet piano music playing in the background.
• 10:17
  The jazz music. Yeah. Very jazzy.
• 10:19
  I do like the pictures of all the ducks. So stupid.
• 10:23
  But you know what? Yeah, I must admit, see that Raiders of the Lost Egg or whatever
• 10:28
  it is, or Raiders of the Lost Duck or something. And then all these classic 50s.
• 10:32
  Casablanca and stuff. Yeah, yeah. These 50s films when we post this, my little genie.
• 10:36
  Yeah but instead of instead of like the
• 10:39
  original films it's duck versions of them yeah it's like stupid with starring
• 10:42
  May Nest and WC Fowls yeah yeah I do like an out cheesy pun I must admit so
• 10:49
  yeah maybe if the film had been just like duck puns I might have been a bit
• 10:55
  more sold he's got the porn magazine play duck,
• 11:00
  that's right yeah he goes who's a center fold this
• 11:03
  month yeah and it's some yeah again more duck
• 11:06
  porn this is philip is again this is
• 11:09
  like you said you sort of nailed it it comes across as a
• 11:12
  bit creepy because this is technically a kid's film even whenever for so much
• 11:16
  we'll find out later on why whenever he gets like thrown in the r universal
• 11:19
  by the way did you know it's a star wars reference at the very start with the
• 11:22
  twin sons tattooing no and harvard the duck planet there's twin sons and it's
• 11:29
  obviously a reference to tattooing in In Star Wars.
• 11:31
  But anyway, whenever he gets thrown back, as soon as he gets thrown back to
• 11:36
  Earth, or he gets thrown into the Earth for a stupid scene, but it's quite sort of adult.
• 11:42
  There's the girl biker gang, the girl biker gang who are called Satan's Sluts and stuff like that.
• 11:50
  Then there's an attempted rape on Leopold, so that's by the fucking guys in
• 11:55
  the street who play it, fucking slapstick.
• 11:58
  But my point is...
• 12:01
  That's them trying to be true to the source material, because this is what the,
• 12:04
  what hour of the duck was. It was sleazy.
• 12:06
  It was sleazy. No, I know that. I know that. Doug, how the duck was a seat was
• 12:10
  sleazy tabloid journalism.
• 12:12
  That's exactly how the duck is. Yes. Yeah. No, that's fair enough.
• 12:15
  But the problem with this film version of it is it's fucking,
• 12:18
  it's, it's market of the kids or.
• 12:20
  Yeah. They, they. So there is. The marketing team behind this. It's too much of a clash.
• 12:24
  This doesn't suit Lucasfilms. I mean, this. No. Yeah. When you put Lucasfilm
• 12:29
  on it. That's just in the Ewoks. Yeah.
• 12:31
  Yeah, this needed to be. If this came out now and you got fucking our boy James
• 12:36
  Gunn to do it, it'd be a fucking smash.
• 12:39
  Well, sure he has. Brought Howard the Duck and the Guardians of the Galaxy.
• 12:42
  Yes, he does have a cameo. So he has.
• 12:44
  Yeah, cameo. I've watched the clips on YouTube. I haven't actually seen the
• 12:47
  film where he appears, but I did for this podcast watch the clips on YouTube,
• 12:50
  and it does seem a bit more sort of suited to someone like James Gunn,
• 12:54
  somebody wacky who's going to, you know, or even like David Lynch or Cronenberg or something.
• 13:00
  Give it to W.D. Richter, the guy who did Buckaroo Banzai.
• 13:04
  He also did Big Trouble in Old China.
• 13:06
  But it's not suited for Lucasfilm. This is not Ewoks. You know what I mean?
• 13:11
  And even when he gets shook through time and he goes to that girl's,
• 13:15
  the other duck's bath, and there she is with tits out.
• 13:19
  It's not funny. It's disturbing. It's weird. It's weird. And not in a good way weird.
• 13:25
  You know what I mean? It's like there's a duck with like duck tits.
• 13:29
  I guess you could say I guess you could say it was her it was her breasts.
• 13:38
  As far as now again I'm no,
• 13:43
  veterinarian and I'm no sort of expert sort of sort of biologist but as far
• 13:48
  as I'm aware ducks don't have tits they lay eggs ducks would have no well okay I think you're now,
• 13:55
  I think you're okay now you're just alright alright you're making Actually,
• 13:58
  you're actually making it more creepy.
• 14:02
  Well, to be fair, they're not like human ducks, obviously. You know what this dog could have done?
• 14:11
  Half the film, it'd take place in duck land.
• 14:15
  And have Leah Thompson back there. They needed to mix it up that little more.
• 14:20
  There was like 30 seconds in duck land, and all of a sudden we're in Cleveland.
• 14:25
  Yeah, with Satan's sluts. and even sort
• 14:29
  of even the acting with the you know the attempted rape sort of
• 14:32
  whatever they're basically trying to be in well more
• 14:35
  than letches with leah thompson it's it's done like in a slapstick manner and
• 14:39
  like there's like a goofiness as americans will call it to the actors performances
• 14:43
  who are the rapists the potential rapists and it's just like fucking the tone
• 14:48
  is fucking it's bonkers it's weird yeah because after she saves him he's gonna leave and,
• 14:55
  He's stuck in the rain and she feels sorry for him, which I understand.
• 14:59
  Hold on a minute. You forgot a very important part, that he's a master of quack-foo.
• 15:04
  Oh, yeah, I know. No more Mr. Nice Duck.
• 15:07
  Oh, dear. Yeah. Yeah, if you're going to do duck puns, get them right, you know? Oh, my God.
• 15:15
  There's a song that's in this, and it's written by a very talented man,
• 15:18
  Thomas Dobley, and it's called Don't Turn Away.
• 15:22
  It's terrible. Terrible, terrible.
• 15:26
  Now, let's talk about, let's get the bestiality part out of the way.
• 15:31
  There's no bestiality in this film, okay? She was just playing with him.
• 15:36
  I actually do think she's playing like you play with your dog.
• 15:42
  Yeah, she's winding him up. She's winding, she's playing, she's not there to
• 15:46
  fuck him. All right, let's get that. I mean, no offense.
• 15:50
  What's she going to do? Go down on his.
• 15:54
  Here there's another creepiest bit then this is
• 15:57
  probably there's this is probably the creepiest bit in it
• 16:00
  for me anyway the fucking the fact that she opens his wallet and he's got a
• 16:03
  duck condom in it so he does he has a fucking condom so he does so yes by extension
• 16:10
  that must mean that he has a duck deck oh god you know i mean i'm not making this up he made this up,
• 16:18
  right then what was going on with leah thompson's
• 16:21
  um agent back then she went from shagging or wanting to
• 16:24
  shag her brother and back to the future to want to shag a duck she's not shagging
• 16:29
  the duck and there was no again we're not we're not getting into that again
• 16:33
  with the back to the future i had my argument you sick bastard fuck a duck so
• 16:38
  what i do like i'm saying this i'm trying to Because it's going to get terrible. So I'm going to.
• 16:44
  I do like the fact that Leah Thomason and the Duck have chemistry. Have what?
• 16:58
  There's chemistry there. I know. I know. I know. They know.
• 17:05
  There's something there that does work between these two. Although now you're
• 17:09
  a fucking creepy bastard. It's creepy. be, but they play off each other pretty well, you know?
• 17:16
  I can see why Leah Thompson got top billing. Yeah.
• 17:23
  Okay. You're quackers.
• 17:29
  Oh dear hey I'll say one thing our duck puns are better than the ones in the film yeah yeah.
• 17:37
  They're not clever you know all they do is replace a word of duck I mean it
• 17:41
  doesn't even rhyme or anything it's just it's like it's like yeah like quack
• 17:45
  food it's like you know it's like duck puns done by a 10 year old well I.
• 17:49
  Do like the fact when he tells her what's
• 17:52
  going on she believes him because at the end of the day she's talking to
• 17:55
  a fucking duck so she has to so there's
• 17:58
  none of that crap going around there's no fucking around there and so
• 18:01
  although still i mean there is he
• 18:04
  just you know what i mean yeah but the whole you mean
• 18:07
  with everyone except in a talking duck i sort of
• 18:10
  deal with that quite well actually because anybody who sees
• 18:14
  him shrieks in horror which you fucking would do you think
• 18:17
  you were going to see but that's the problem that's the problem that goes
• 18:20
  away too fast and this whole fish out
• 18:23
  of water yeah they accept them
• 18:26
  very quickly except i'm very yeah this is
• 18:28
  me and i'll tell you i mean there's difference
• 18:31
  between heaven slapstick comedy which i think that's what they're trying
• 18:34
  to do here especially with the garbage bag scene which i thought was terrible
• 18:37
  it was embarrassing i thought i actually there's shots in this film where i
• 18:43
  literally feel sorry for leah thompson oh yeah i mean she's the ones that's
• 18:48
  been shafted here like you know and like we said she is giving it her all and she is the star here,
• 18:54
  but everything else around her is a mess, a complete and utter disaster.
• 18:58
  Yeah, she probably did this role and she gave it her all and she did.
• 19:02
  And I'll tell you what, right now the directors and producers were probably
• 19:05
  rolling their eyes going, what the fuck are we doing? And she trusted them.
• 19:09
  There, I'm saying she trusted Lucas. You've got Lucas behind the camera here.
• 19:13
  You've got these two talented writers behind the camera here. They fucked her over.
• 19:20
  And I'm telling you right now, besides the Back to the Future films,
• 19:24
  Lea Thompson didn't work that much. Now, she married Howard. Senses?
• 19:28
  She married Howard Deutsch, the great film director from the 80s,
• 19:32
  and they're still married to this day.
• 19:34
  Yeah, her daughter's not an actor? Zoe, yeah. Yeah, but she,
• 19:38
  and she's raised her kids, and she still works.
• 19:41
  She does Lifetime movies and stuff like that, and she's still a good honor.
• 19:44
  Yeah. But I don't think this, I think this film was possibly in the nail in the coffin.
• 19:49
  I really do think this really hurt her, and that's not fucking fair. It isn't. Yeah.
• 19:54
  No, it's definitely not. Do you know that a couple of the executive producers,
• 19:58
  I forget their names, but I did read up on this.
• 20:00
  Apparently, whenever this film was, you know, the premiere was first screened,
• 20:04
  this was the first time that these producer guys
• 20:07
  had seen it at least one of them and apparently one of
• 20:10
  them flipped out at the other one for green lighting
• 20:13
  this he said how could you have green lit this absolute nonsense this trash
• 20:17
  and apparently they ended up in a fist fight between the two of them so yeah
• 20:21
  he's right whoever said it yeah i mean we've talked about going risque gay and you need,
• 20:31
  you're right.
• 20:34
  You almost need like a David Lynch or someone who's, or the Coen brothers or who does quirky good.
• 20:42
  Like when you go, when he plays, he's the towel guy at a bath house.
• 20:49
  What the fuck are we watching here? Yeah. It's, it's, it's insane for the most part.
• 20:56
  It's but there's there's other stuff that where it falls
• 20:59
  down with as well i'm not even just the uncanny valley fucking
• 21:03
  strengthness of it there's also stuff like you know
• 21:06
  some of the acting by some of the supporting cast is awful i
• 21:09
  mean you know like whenever they're in the diner later on and it's it's maybe
• 21:12
  not even the cast i mean a lot of it's down to the writing and the
• 21:15
  direction they've been told play it quirky and
• 21:18
  stupid yeah goofy yeah yeah yeah and
• 21:22
  so even the stuff where they're cooking trying to cook duck you know
• 21:25
  um howard that was terrible when they're trying to cut his head
• 21:27
  i mean this is stupid and the waitress and stuff then
• 21:30
  is and she's being sort of dead dopey and
• 21:33
  stuff and then in the in the background and you've
• 21:36
  got ed rooney from what do you call it first day off he's turning into this
• 21:40
  lovecraftian monster and yeah there's it's just it's just a mishmash of crazy
• 21:45
  bonkers shit and none of it really works it's inconsistent it's sloppy One time
• 21:52
  he's walking down the streets, people are screaming and they're in shock.
• 21:55
  And then he's in the, he's in the cherry bomb concert and nobody's blinking an eye.
• 21:59
  You know, it's like, what are we seeing here?
• 22:03
  Um, and then he gets, he gets, he gets the band's money back,
• 22:06
  you know, cause the manager's been stealing from him. Nonsense. Yeah.
• 22:09
  Nonsense. And he's playing, and he's, oh my God, let's get to the guitar scene.
• 22:13
  Oh my God. Oh yeah. Which is almost like a reference. I almost felt like you're
• 22:16
  trying to, and I'll be pissed if they were, almost trying to do it like a Marty
• 22:19
  McFly Back to the Future. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. You caught that too?
• 22:24
  Yeah, yeah. I thought that was a definite reference to Back to the Future.
• 22:27
  You know, I think there's a few Back to the Future references in here,
• 22:31
  but I thought that was definitely one of them.
• 22:33
  Oh. So it did, you know?
• 22:36
  Yeah. Yeah. And then it turns out that Howard wants to Go back to Duck Planet
• 22:42
  Is Duck Planet ever named?
• 22:43
  I don't think I caught it If it was. I don't give a fuck I think it's what it's
• 22:46
  called But it turns out that Tim Robbins And scientists, people who work with
• 22:52
  Tim Robbins Were the ones who Dragged him into our universe,
• 22:56
  And what about that opening monologue As well, you know the opening narration
• 23:00
  With the planets and stuff, talking about the universe And all that shit as well,
• 23:05
  But anyway yeah Yeah, so then Howard wants to get back, but he can't get back.
• 23:09
  And then what they do is they drag a big Lovecraftian monster through instead.
• 23:13
  The idea of the monster I quite liked. The realization was pretty poor,
• 23:17
  to say the least. Yeah, I mean, like the bedroom scene where all she does is
• 23:23
  she invites him to bed to watch Letterman, as we all did in the States.
• 23:26
  We fell asleep to Letterman or Johnny Carson.
• 23:29
  And she's treating him like the dog, and she's playing around with him, having a joke.
• 23:34
  And yeah but its
• 23:37
  feathers get ruffled yeah literally but at the end there is some relationship
• 23:43
  there or something well i mean they do basically but again it's it's not it's
• 23:49
  not defined thankfully you know what i mean because he becomes our manager and
• 23:54
  she sings a song in tribute to him,
• 23:56
  i'd be honest with you i don't even know where to go with this in terms of the
• 23:59
  podcast this is like Like, I'm, you know, where do you go with this? You know?
• 24:05
  It's a definition of a shit show. Yeah, so as they're in bed, Dr.
• 24:14
  Jennings and I'll lock in on them as you do. Yeah, that's right.
• 24:17
  They break in their apartments.
• 24:18
  Oh, yeah, because you're just like a young woman, you know, who lives in an
• 24:21
  apartment where you just like walk on in and just invite yourself in and sort
• 24:24
  of, and then scold her for having sex with Doc.
• 24:28
  You see? Happens all the time. They find out that their Dynatechnics lab,
• 24:34
  whatever it's called, their beam sucked him out, but they feel they can reverse
• 24:40
  it, but there's a limited time.
• 24:42
  To send him back, but then to fuck it up or something, and to bring the monster
• 24:46
  back instead. Yeah. Or something. Yeah. Yeah.
• 24:51
  And that's basically the plot. Sorry, the plot then possesses Ed Rooney from
• 24:55
  first. Well, I like that.
• 24:58
  I will say this. He's very, because he's got good comedic timing.
• 25:02
  So he. The crazy acting. He's very good at, he's a normal guy. He's a nice guy.
• 25:08
  But then he starts transitioning and each scene he's getting rougher looking.
• 25:12
  He's a bit of a dick actually. Yeah. But he's generally not the worst.
• 25:15
  Yeah. He's not a villain.
• 25:16
  Yeah. So I kind of liked that idea horribly at the end of the day executed,
• 25:22
  but I can see where they're going with it. I guess you can say.
• 25:26
  Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah.
• 25:30
  I just, it's all over the place. And then in terms of tone. And don't forget,
• 25:34
  don't forget the plane escape.
• 25:36
  Oh my God. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I know. Which actually, I will say this visual
• 25:40
  effects wise, that plane sequence wasn't bad.
• 25:43
  It was all right for the time. but the whole wackiness of
• 25:46
  it was just nah this isn't yeah i i just
• 25:49
  don't know who this is who this was marketed i think
• 25:52
  to try to appeal to too wide an audience kids
• 25:55
  and the adults you know the way back then you would have had like like ghostbusters
• 26:00
  which was sort of for kids but it would have had adult jokes in it but here
• 26:05
  just to the the nature of it you can't pull it off you know you either go one
• 26:11
  way or the other you can't do both,
• 26:13
  you know either make it four adults and have them sleazy
• 26:16
  smoking and a bit of a perv and you know
• 26:19
  bedding women or duck women whatever I don't know that would even make more
• 26:22
  sense for Leah Thompson because he's a badass he doesn't care but he does protect
• 26:27
  her he saves her from being raped he gets her away from the manager but he's
• 26:31
  still this badass smoking listen doll listen doll face I'll talk to you later
• 26:35
  he's dismissive of her but he's He's always there to help her.
• 26:39
  That would have been better than playing this Kermit, almost a Muppets character.
• 26:44
  Yeah, yeah. He's a Muppet.
• 26:47
  Because he doesn't want to be there. So he's not a hero, really.
• 26:51
  Yeah. The only reason he gets more of a reluctant hero.
• 26:54
  Yes, because at the end of the day, the only decision he has to make is he's
• 26:58
  got to destroy the laser and he won't be able to get back to his duck world.
• 27:03
  The Lucasfilm, like we said at the start, the Lucasfilm guys were a really bad
• 27:07
  fit for this sort of thing.
• 27:08
  Have somebody like Cronenberg do it, make it a full-on body horror, you know what I mean?
• 27:13
  Or like we said, Lynch or somebody fucking, and you know
• 27:16
  spike jones you know that director he could do something but
• 27:20
  but trying to appeal to the kids as well it just
• 27:23
  like you say it just comes across as creepy you know you could have got the
• 27:28
  guys i wasn't a big fan of the movie as we talked about it but stewart gordon
• 27:34
  the team and brian yunja from full moon who did like uh the re-eliminator films
• 27:38
  and honey i shrunk the kids.
• 27:40
  He wrote, he did Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
• 27:44
  Those guys, or even Peter Jackson, you know, when they were younger,
• 27:48
  somebody who had, who knows how to,
• 27:54
  be, can come off in bad taste, but you're laughing with it because you're getting
• 27:59
  a why, because you understand why it's in bad taste. If that makes any sense.
• 28:04
  GM's gone perfect for it. But he wasn't around then.
• 28:07
  And back then, in all fairness, you really did have pretty much serious directors.
• 28:12
  The Coen brothers weren't around yet. Well, they probably just did Blood Simple.
• 28:16
  Lynch was just off Dune, and he certainly wasn't touching this.
• 28:20
  No, no, not a chance. After what he went through of Dune and the big Hollywood guys there.
• 28:24
  So that was- Lynch was actually offered Return of the Jedi by Lucasfilm, but he knocked it back.
• 28:30
  I promise you other people looked
• 28:32
  at this and said, you want me to direct this? Yeah, go fuck yourself.
• 28:35
  Yeah. Because the first thing they're going to say is, what are we doing here? What genre is this?
• 28:41
  Yeah exactly it's it's,
• 28:45
  it's not superhero or is it
• 28:47
  you know what I mean it's more it's more of a sort of weird horror that someone
• 28:54
  like Cronenberg would do much better now like I said before I haven't read the
• 28:59
  original comic strips so maybe somebody I know who could have done this I know
• 29:04
  who could have done this who?
• 29:06
  I can't believe I haven't thought it Terry Gilliam? No.
• 29:09
  Oh yeah Yeah, Terry Gilliam might be all right. No. Yeah.
• 29:12
  Jim Henson. He just did The Dark Crystal, and he just got done doing Labyrinth.
• 29:18
  But I don't know. I thought it would be like having Kermit the Frog.
• 29:21
  No, but I think Labyrinth is pretty disturbing.
• 29:25
  Labyrinth, I mean, you got David Bowie with the big codpiece,
• 29:29
  and then you've got when he's trying to hit on a little 12-year-old girl.
• 29:32
  I mean, but he's still understood as a fairy tale and blah, blah,
• 29:37
  blah, Grimm's fairy tale.
• 29:38
  He might have, but Jim Henschen Might have been, and again,
• 29:42
  It deals with puppetry Well technically, but this is more Animatronics I think
• 29:47
  they call it And, which was actually quite good The duck troll,
• 29:51
  the people In the duck and the guy who voiced the duck Was fine.
• 29:56
  But, I take it they had kids Playing the duck whenever he's running about Or
• 30:01
  like little people Yeah,
• 30:03
  the guy who actually played them Most of it was little people,
• 30:05
  and then they had stunt little people However it works. Yeah.
• 30:09
  That must have been pretty fucking degrading as well. Getting fucked into that stupid duck costume.
• 30:16
  Hey, I got my first part. What? You're a duck. Oh, fuck.
• 30:19
  But to be fair, they probably would have been paid well. And I hope they were
• 30:22
  paid well because they fucking deserved it.
• 30:25
  By having to go through this nonsense. Well, you get to see Leah Thompson in
• 30:28
  bed in her underwear. So that would have been fucking hilarious.
• 30:30
  Yeah. Well, that's a back in. Leah Thompson. Yeah. Top notch.
• 30:35
  Fuck me. Yeah. That's what Howard said, strangely enough to Leah.
• 30:43
  Yeah, yeah. There's nowhere to go with this. I don't know what to say.
• 30:47
  It's a fucking train wreck of a mishmash of bullshit. You know, it's funny.
• 30:51
  Usually with bad cinema, you can find something that you'll enjoy.
• 30:55
  You go, well, I like this. And you know what? I had a smile on my face,
• 30:58
  and I'm going to walk away. I'll watch it again.
• 31:02
  I don't think I could watch this again, though. There's no replayability here, is there?
• 31:06
  The only, no, not at all, apart from Leah Thompson, but- Oh,
• 31:09
  there's pausing. You can pause.
• 31:12
  It certainly seems you can pause. Yes. It has pausability. Yeah.
• 31:16
  Pausability for Leah Thompson. Yeah. For-
• 31:20
  We're calling horror creepy. We're the sick bastards. Yeah.
• 31:26
  Sitting here, I'm talking about, you know, duck tits and all sorts. But yeah, anyway.
• 31:31
  Yeah, Lea Thompson, aside from, you know, obviously she does look great, let's be honest.
• 31:35
  But aside from that, she is by far the only thing that's good in this film.
• 31:40
  Because she can act. She's obviously given it her all. She did the songs.
• 31:44
  She does the songs and stuff.
• 31:46
  She can act fine. she is, you know, the straight rule here.
• 31:50
  She does all things considered, she does a very good job.
• 31:54
  The rest of it is complete and utter rubbish.
• 32:00
  Yeah. I really got nothing more to add.
• 32:03
  We're going to be sing-song at the end though. I do think that's what the editing room said.
• 32:08
  I got really nothing more to add here or edit to make this any better.
• 32:12
  I would like one request.
• 32:14
  You know the way you put some of the score I'm at the start and end of each
• 32:18
  podcast Make sure you put the Hard to Duck song If you can do it for rights
• 32:23
  Oh yeah it's a dupe copyright You can't do someone who wrote that music You can't take it,
• 32:28
  I think you can use a certain amount of seconds No you can only use score,
• 32:34
  Right okay And that would suck if I were not mistaken,
• 32:38
  There you go Sorry guys if you want to hear the song You're
• 32:41
  going to have to watch Hard to Duck in full Or just part of
• 32:44
  the ending anything and then you
• 32:47
  see him playing guitar it's like oh my god yeah it's
• 32:51
  it's ridiculous and i think there's like it's like a there's sort of again it's
• 32:55
  like the back to the future reference as well marty mcfly with the guitar and
• 32:59
  the acdc thing and all and they're like singing but with their backs to each
• 33:03
  other and stuff and it's i i just fucking shoot me yeah this,
• 33:09
  this is.
• 33:12
  Oh, we had a good laugh. What more do we need? Yeah, well. But don't worry. We're going to be fine.
• 33:18
  It's all going to come. We're going to flip side of that coin,
• 33:21
  and we're going to get a real treasure, because we're about to talk He-Man and
• 33:25
  the Masters of the Universe next.
• 33:27
  Yes, I wonder. That's going to be good, right? Yeah.
• 33:31
  I like this one. Well, I don't want to spoil the podcast, but let's just say
• 33:36
  I've always had a soft spot for it.
• 33:38
  Yeah, well, I like Dolph. I like Dolph. I like Dolph.
• 33:40
  As Skeletor and Courtney Cox in one of our first roles. Oh, yeah.
• 33:46
  Yeah. Yeah, that's all we got for this one.
• 33:50
  And usually with films like this, you would always go, well,
• 33:53
  if this came out during this time, it would have done all right.
• 33:56
  Now, this film was poorly directed, poorly written, poorly everything.
• 34:01
  It had some nice animatronics. You had Leah Thompson who gave it her all.
• 34:04
  I liked Jeffrey Jones, what he was given. given, but this is terrible.
• 34:09
  This is terrible, terrible.
• 34:12
  This tank. When you write a script, first thing you're asked,
• 34:17
  who's, the first two questions they will ask is one, what genre are we focusing on?
• 34:26
  And two, and this is the big one, who's your core audience?
• 34:32
  Yeah. Yeah. This tank too bodily in America, they actually give it a different
• 34:37
  title over here in the uk it wasn't it wasn't marketed as hard to duck it was
• 34:42
  just howard a new breed of hero for some reason which actually i think hard to duck's better,
• 34:47
  but there you go it depends if how
• 34:50
  the duck everybody here just knew it as hard to talk anyway yeah if how the
• 34:54
  duck the comic wasn't big over in europe they probably that's why they did that
• 34:57
  to be honest with you yeah and it was everybody just knew it anyway in the uk
• 35:01
  or certainly the ones i knew just noticed harvard the duck even though it was
• 35:04
  marketed as howard a new breed of hero on the video covers and posters and stuff,
• 35:09
  there you go. The film did certainly ruffle a lot of feathers.
• 35:17
  Oh. This has been a quacker of a podcast. Oh, wow. This is...
• 35:23
  Wow. And I'm quackered now after it.
• 35:28
  Okay. This has been fun. Yeah. All right.
• 35:31
  Yeah. That's stuck off. We're going to shut this one down like they should have
• 35:35
  done during the half production of this film. Before production? Yeah.
• 35:40
  All right, guys. Thanks for giving us a listen here. You can reach out to us
• 35:43
  at citizenframe underscore podcast on Instagram and, of course, Facebook.
• 35:46
  The new episode, new episode, the new magazine, the new issue of Phantasmagoria is out now.
• 35:54
  I have a couple of reviews in there. They're quite good. I believe the words
• 35:59
  that were told me that they were compelling.
• 36:03
  Yes, they are. Frogman and also Abigail, you're reviewing it.
• 36:08
  So yes, the latest issue is out, available throughout the world from Amazon,
• 36:11
  also locally at Forbidden Planet International, Belfast and other select stores.
• 36:16
  It contains interviews with authors Mark Morris, S.T. Joyce,
• 36:22
  also Lee Murray and C.C. Adams.
• 36:25
  There's loads more, there's big features on Basil Copper, other things,
• 36:29
  the Satanic Panic sort of obscure of the 1980s in America.
• 36:33
  Loads of fiction artwork all the usual that's issued number 24 of the regular
• 36:38
  series go check it out there you go that's all we have to say cool,
• 36:46
  alright guys we'll see you next week with He-Man in the Masters I think no isn't
• 36:52
  it just called He-Man no no it's just called Masters the cartoon was called
• 36:57
  He-Man and the Masters of the Universe but this film is just called Masters
• 37:01
  of the Universe okay that's right All right.
• 37:04
  Music.