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The Gospel in Marriage Pt 1 (Marriage as a Mission) - 313 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

• 0:07
  Daniel Moore: Marriage has a funny way of revealing who we really are.
• 0:10
  Daniel Moore: You may start out thinking that you're a pretty patient, loving, grace-filled person, and then suddenly you're in a heated debate over who left the kitchen light on for the third time this week.
• 0:20
  Daniel Moore: Marriage has a way of holding up a mirror, and sometimes that mirror shows us a version of ourselves we didn't expect to see.
• 0:26
  Daniel Moore: But here's the beautiful part.
• 0:28
  Daniel Moore: That's exactly where the gospel shines the brightest.
• 0:31
  Daniel Moore: Marriage isn't just about two people learning how to live together without driving each other crazy, though that's certainly part of it.
• 0:37
  Daniel Moore: It's about two imperfect people learning to extend the same grace they've already received from Christ.
• 0:43
  Daniel Moore: In fact, Scripture tells us that marriage is meant to be far more than companionship or romance.
• 0:49
  Daniel Moore: It's designed to be a living picture of the gospel itself.
• 0:52
  Daniel Moore: In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul shows us that the relationship between husband and wife is meant to reflect something far greater, the covenant love between Christ and his church.
• 1:03
  Daniel Moore: So this week, we're diving into what it really means for the gospel to shape our marriages, not just in the big theological ideas, but in the everyday moments, the misunderstandings, the forgiveness, the patience, and yes, even the occasional argument over the dishwasher.
• 1:19
  Daniel Moore: Let's take a closer look at how marriage becomes a living story of redemption.
• 1:24
  Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
• 1:35
  Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies.
• 1:37
  Daniel Moore: We interview people that have inspiring stories.
• 1:40
  Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and stand up here next to me once again is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.
• 1:45
  Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us this week.
• 1:47
  Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com for our platforms.
• 1:52
  Daniel Moore: Our YouTube and Rumble links are there.
• 1:53
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• 1:56
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• 1:59
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• 2:04
  Daniel Moore: And of course, if you're a fan of our show, please subscribe.
• 2:06
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• 2:11
  Daniel Moore: And we'd be thankful to you for doing that.
• 2:14
  Daniel Moore: Well, this week we're going to continue our new series that we started a couple of weeks ago called Marriage as a Mission.
• 2:22
  Daniel Moore: And of course, the series that we're in right now is actually going along with the first book that I wrote called Marriage as a Mission, Living Out God's Design for Marriage.
• 2:32
  Daniel Moore: And if you haven't picked up your copy of that yet, you can do so by going to Amazon exclusively to get the study guide.
• 2:39
  Daniel Moore: There is a six-session study guide that goes with that book.
• 2:42
  Daniel Moore: The book itself you can pick up pretty much anywhere.
• 2:44
  Daniel Moore: It's available at Barnes Noble, Walmart, Books a Million, Amazon, all over the place.
• 2:49
  Daniel Moore: Its hardback uh version is also on Amazon.
• 2:52
  Daniel Moore: So you can take your pick and you can go ahead and just go along with us as we go through this study here on Marriage Life and more.
• 3:00
  Daniel Moore: And uh you can be in kind of have the notes there with you, I guess, while we're doing our study each week here on the podcast.
• 3:08
  Daniel Moore: Well, this week my wife is in much better shape.
• 3:11
  Daniel Moore: She's actually able to talk.
• 3:13
  Michelle Moore: Yes.
• 3:13
  Daniel Moore: So we're definitely looking forward to this week's episode uh to get uh back to normal here, hopefully.
• 3:20
  Daniel Moore: So this week we're going to continue our series with episode two of this series on marriage as a mission, the gospel in marriage.
• 3:43
  Michelle Moore: They say marriage is a lot like a mirror.
• 3:46
  Michelle Moore: You quickly start to see the real you, flaws and all.
• 3:51
  Michelle Moore: And if you're anything like me, you start wondering why that mirror seems to exaggerate your messier moments and whisper them louder when your spouse is nearby.
• 4:02
  Michelle Moore: But here's the twist that's exactly where the beauty of the gospel shines the brightest.
• 4:09
  Michelle Moore: Marriage isn't just about two imperfect people trying to live under one roof.
• 4:14
  Michelle Moore: It's about two people learning to give daily grace just as they received it.
• 4:21
  Michelle Moore: Think of it as a joyful and sometimes bumpy journey of sanctification with your favorite roommate, best friend, and occasional spoon stealer.
• 4:33
  Michelle Moore: Marriage in God's design isn't just about happiness, it's about holiness.
• 4:40
  Michelle Moore: And nothing shows us the death of God's love quite like a dirty dish argument that ends with, I forgive you.
• 4:48
  Michelle Moore: So let's explore how the gospel shapes our marriages, not just in big theological ways, but in the laughter, the learning, and yes, even the laundry.
• 5:01
  Daniel Moore: Well, as we get started this week, uh just a real quick recap here.
• 5:06
  Daniel Moore: You know, the last couple of episodes we talked about how our marriage reflects God and what the purpose of marriage was.
• 5:14
  Daniel Moore: We talked about the uh contract versus the covenant, uh, which I thought that was uh a really good episode.
• 5:21
  Daniel Moore: If you guys haven't actually listened to those yet, you might want to go back and check those out.
• 5:26
  Daniel Moore: And then last week we talked about how our marriage actually reflects the Trinity and the Trinity, God the Son, God the Father, God the Holy Spirit.
• 5:36
  Daniel Moore: Uh, if you look at all three of those in aspect with each other, they actually do reflect what our marriage is supposed to be and what God expects that marriage to be coming from us.
• 5:48
  Daniel Moore: And so, as I said, I'm really happy this week that my wife can actually speak because last week you pretty much had to listen to me and her occasional yeses because she couldn't talk.
• 5:59
  Michelle Moore: Actually, he enjoyed me not being able to talk.
• 6:02
  Michelle Moore: Maybe not so much for the podcast, but for every other day.
• 6:05
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 6:06
  Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, what what do I call that?
• 6:08
  Daniel Moore: A relief or something.
• 6:10
  Michelle Moore: Something like that.
• 6:12
  Daniel Moore: Uh no, actually, I don't like it when you don't feel well.
• 6:15
  Daniel Moore: And of course, uh, same for me.
• 6:17
  Daniel Moore: It seemed like it took you a while to get over that one, but you're finally back in good shape now.
• 6:22
  Daniel Moore: And I think uh we're able to actually put an episode together uh this week together with both of us in it instead of just having to listen to me.
• 6:30
  Daniel Moore: So I'm looking forward to it.
• 6:31
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, because we also just came back from uh North Carolina seeing our granddaughter and our son-in-law and our daughter, our granddaughter got dedicated to the Lord um in North Carolina, and we got to be a part of it.
• 6:47
  Michelle Moore: We're so, so thankful for that.
• 6:49
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 6:49
  Daniel Moore: And so, you know, that's one thing that you get to experience whenever you have uh a marriage that's centered around Christ, a marriage that's centered around God.
• 7:00
  Daniel Moore: You know, we've always tried to keep our kids in church, and we're so thankful that, you know, that tradition's being carried on, and it was just awesome to be able to watch our little granddaughter Sarah be dedicated to the Lord, and we're glad to be a part of that.
• 7:15
  Daniel Moore: And of course, all of that even wraps into what we're going to be discussing today.
• 7:19
  Daniel Moore: The first thing we're going to talk about here this week as we get episode two started is about Christ and the church as a model.
• 7:27
  Daniel Moore: So not only is our marriage a model of God and a model of what the Trinity uh is and how it can be imported into our marriage experience that we have together, but we are also supposed to be reflecting Christ as uh Christ and the church reflects and how all of that goes together.
• 7:46
  Daniel Moore: We're going to start out here in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22 through 33.
• 7:51
  Daniel Moore: And in that passage of scripture, the Apostle Paul gives us one of the richest and most beautiful pictures of marriage found anywhere in Scripture.
• 8:01
  Daniel Moore: At first glance, it can sound like a list of practical instructions.
• 8:04
  Daniel Moore: You know, the roles for the wives, the responsibilities for the husbands.
• 8:08
  Daniel Moore: I think it's the traditional scriptures that husbands and wives like to run away from.
• 8:13
  Daniel Moore: We always, and that one scripture about, you know, wives submitting to their husbands, that one's always the root of a bunch of jokes.
• 8:20
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 8:20
  Daniel Moore: You hear stuff about that one all the time.
• 8:23
  Daniel Moore: But, you know, when we slow down and really sit with that passage and actually read it and understand exactly what Paul was trying to get at, we realize that Paul is doing something far more intense.
• 8:35
  Daniel Moore: He's pulling back the curtain and showing us that marriage itself is meant to tell the story of the gospel.
• 8:42
  Daniel Moore: And what is the gospel?
• 8:44
  Daniel Moore: Well, the gospel is when God sent his son Jesus to this earth, and Jesus loved us so much that he took his sins upon himself.
• 8:53
  Daniel Moore: He gave his life for us, he shed that blood so that we in turn can have eternal life with him, and we can have that eternity in heaven someday.
• 9:02
  Daniel Moore: That is a huge price to pay.
• 9:04
  Daniel Moore: And whenever we look at that and we understand that God expects our marriages to reflect that same storyline, that really brings the intensity of it, I think, to the front of exactly how important this marriage relationship actually is between you and I and the sacrifices that we have to make with that.
• 9:25
  Daniel Moore: And so as we start here, uh Michelle, why don't you go ahead and share with us the first scripture we're going to cover here from Ephesians?
• 9:32
  Michelle Moore: Paul writes, Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
• 9:37
  Michelle Moore: Husbands, love your wives, as the Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
• 9:44
  Daniel Moore: So that's Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 and 25, kind of combined there.
• 9:49
  Daniel Moore: So there is a phrase in that scripture that we do want to pull out here and look at.
• 9:54
  Daniel Moore: And I think it's a phrase that a lot of times us as married couples kind of, I don't want to say we overlook it, we just kind of forget about it, maybe, and just don't think about it as deeply as we should.
• 10:04
  Daniel Moore: And that phrase is, as Christ loved the church.
• 10:08
  Daniel Moore: You know, that line there, that's an anchor for understanding everything else in that actual passage.
• 10:13
  Daniel Moore: So what it's saying here is that that marriage, according to God's design, it isn't merely a social arrangement or a legal contract or even a loving partnership.
• 10:24
  Daniel Moore: It is intended to be a living, breathing portrait of Christ's covenant relationship with his bride, who is the church.
• 10:32
  Daniel Moore: And just to clarify, we all know who the church is, correct?
• 10:36
  Daniel Moore: That's all of us that are born again.
• 10:39
  Daniel Moore: We've asked God into our hearts, we've asked him to forgive us of our sins, and we have made it an intentional effort to follow what Christ has set before us, that path that he's put there.
• 10:50
  Daniel Moore: And we're looking forward to that eternal reward that we get someday.
• 10:54
  Daniel Moore: We all make up the church.
• 10:55
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 10:56
  Daniel Moore: And so, with that being said, we are the bride of Christ.
• 11:00
  Daniel Moore: That's what the scriptures call us.
• 11:03
  Daniel Moore: And so, whenever we look at this scripture and we are we're reading these lines that sometimes we don't really want to read, like wives submit to your husbands and husbands love your wives and whatever, we come to realize that I think a lot of times uh in conflictive situations and marriages and that kind of thing, when when we let those conflicts get the better of us and we start treating each other in a mean way, we start speaking mean things over each other and you know that start the fights and the different things that take place.
• 11:35
  Daniel Moore: I think we forget that in those moments we're supposed to be Christ-like.
• 11:41
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 11:42
  Daniel Moore: And Christ does not hold any of those grudges against us, he doesn't start those fights with us.
• 11:47
  Daniel Moore: He loved us so much, he gave up his life for us.
• 11:50
  Daniel Moore: And I think if we look at it in that aspect, it has to give us a totally different meaning in our marriages.
• 11:57
  Daniel Moore: And I I would think it would have to probably help us stop some of those conflicts and stop some of those times and think twice about when we want to spout off and we want to make these bad comments towards our spouses.
• 12:09
  Daniel Moore: You know, if we start putting it in into the aspect of Christ, we're supposed to be reflecting him and his image and how he treated us, the church, by giving his life for us, then that should stop us in our tracks from treating our spouses that way.
• 12:24
  Daniel Moore: So this covenant language is important because throughout scripture, God reveals himself as a faithful covenant-keeping God.
• 12:32
  Daniel Moore: And you can see a pattern here.
• 12:34
  Daniel Moore: We can go all the way back to Abraham, to the promises that he gave him in Genesis chapter 15, those covenants that are still in play today.
• 12:42
  Daniel Moore: Then it moved on to a steadfast love for Israel in Hosea chapter 2, verses 19 and 20.
• 12:48
  Daniel Moore: And then that carries right into the New Testament to the new covenant sealed by Christ's blood in Luke 22, 20.
• 12:55
  Daniel Moore: So as we look at all of these different places, and these are just to name a few of where God's covenantal uh relationship that he has with us shines through in Scripture, that's just naming a few of them.
• 13:08
  Daniel Moore: But God's love is not temporary or transactional, it is sacrificial and enduring.
• 13:13
  Daniel Moore: So marriage then is meant to reflect the same kind of faithful, self-giving love.
• 13:18
  Daniel Moore: You know, how many times do we see spouses that it's a transaction to them?
• 13:24
  Daniel Moore: You know, they think, well, I'm gonna manipulate and do this to try to source my partner into doing this, you know, or I'm going to try to put myself up on a pedestal and really, you know, blow myself up to be something that inside I'm really not, but that will cause my spouse to do what I asked them to do.
• 13:41
  Daniel Moore: There's a lot of pride that's involved in a lot of that.
• 13:46
  Michelle Moore: Well, and I I like that sentence because you know, you think about it, it is sacrificial and enduring.
• 13:51
  Michelle Moore: What is a marriage?
• 13:52
  Michelle Moore: You sacrifice for your spouse.
• 13:54
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 13:55
  Michelle Moore: And it is very enduring of the fact that your marriage always has things coming toward it or against it, and you have to endure seasons of life in a marriage, and you sacrifice that time.
• 14:11
  Michelle Moore: And it's so good to hear that because God's love is not temporary.
• 14:15
  Michelle Moore: You think about that.
• 14:17
  Michelle Moore: My love for you, could you imagine if it was just temporary?
• 14:20
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 14:21
  Daniel Moore: It wouldn't endure.
• 14:23
  Michelle Moore: No.
• 14:23
  Michelle Moore: And I and I think about just like as Christ loved the church, you know, as Christians, we should love our spouse.
• 14:30
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 14:31
  Michelle Moore: Just as he loves us.
• 14:33
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 14:33
  Michelle Moore: You know?
• 14:34
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and that carries on into, you know, when Christ gave himself up for the church, he didn't do it because the church had earned it.
• 14:41
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 14:42
  Daniel Moore: You know, we don't earn that love.
• 14:43
  Daniel Moore: Uh we're not supposed to be looking at it like that, like we're trying to earn something.
• 14:48
  Daniel Moore: Um, or because we make ourselves lovable, just like I mentioned a while ago.
• 14:54
  Daniel Moore: You know, we can try to doctor up our little story and make ourselves look sweet as pie, but inside be a terrible person.
• 15:00
  Daniel Moore: You know, we got it's got to come from the heart.
• 15:03
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 15:04
  Daniel Moore: It's got to be something that's foundational within us, um, so that whatever does happen between us as spouses, it's something that's true.
• 15:11
  Daniel Moore: It's something that's gonna last, have a firm foundation underneath it.
• 15:15
  Michelle Moore: It goes back to actions, speak louder than words.
• 15:17
  Daniel Moore: It does.
• 15:18
  Daniel Moore: And Romans 5.8, you know, kind of speaks to this just a little bit where it says God shows his love for us and that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
• 15:27
  Daniel Moore: You know, it doesn't matter what we've done, he loves us unconditionally.
• 15:31
  Daniel Moore: There's nothing that we could ever do that would cause him to not love us.
• 15:35
  Daniel Moore: No matter how bad we treat Christ, the bad things that we might say, the many times we turn our back on him, it does not matter.
• 15:43
  Daniel Moore: He would still go back to that cross for us and he would still die for us all over again.
• 15:48
  Daniel Moore: How much does that speak towards us in our relationships?
• 15:51
  Daniel Moore: If we're gonna reflect Christ and who he is, that's really that's a high bar that he set there for us.
• 15:57
  Daniel Moore: But that's also what what is that whenever uh we you know perform that way?
• 16:04
  Daniel Moore: That's grace in action.
• 16:05
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, you know, that's the grace that that God gives us, and he continues to give that to us.
• 16:11
  Daniel Moore: It's not it's a non-stopping thing.
• 16:12
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, he shows that grace to us every moment of our lives.
• 16:16
  Michelle Moore: We don't have to earn it.
• 16:17
  Daniel Moore: Exactly.
• 16:17
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and so that same grace that he gives us is meant to shape the everyday rhythms of our marriages.
• 16:24
  Daniel Moore: So every time a spouse chooses forgiveness over bitterness, patience over irritation, or gentleness over retaliation, we are that at that point, we're echoing the gospel.
• 16:35
  Daniel Moore: You know, marriage becomes one of the primary places where grace is practiced and it's not just proclaimed.
• 16:40
  Daniel Moore: It's a there's a difference in saying that you give grace and really doing it.
• 16:44
  Daniel Moore: There's a complete difference in that.
• 16:46
  Daniel Moore: And what would we be if we didn't have grace to allow us to give forgiveness over bitterness?
• 16:54
  Daniel Moore: It's so easy to become bitter.
• 16:56
  Michelle Moore: Oh, yeah.
• 16:56
  Daniel Moore: You know, it it takes nothing for one of us as spouses to do something really mean, and then if we continue that that path and we don't ever take it back over time, that's gonna cause a bitterness in the other spouse because they're gonna constantly have these bad things being done to them, and it it becomes harder and harder at that point to give that true forgiveness on down the road.
• 17:19
  Daniel Moore: We just want to be bitter and retaliate, and which again it says gentleness over retaliation.
• 17:25
  Daniel Moore: You know, God gives us that capability just because of the grace that He shows us.
• 17:30
  Daniel Moore: He doesn't retaliate, He's still gentle with us.
• 17:32
  Daniel Moore: So this speaks a lot um into our relationships and how they should be.
• 17:38
  Daniel Moore: And you know, you and I are we've had this same situation in our marriage where we've been bitter, we've retaliated, we've been irritated, not had patience.
• 17:49
  Daniel Moore: It's real easy to fall into that.
• 17:51
  Michelle Moore: But I also think it comes back to your relationship with Christ because even now, because we've grown so much in Christ, I don't know that, you know, the bitterness I I mean before anything, we communicate, you know, and but I think anytime you have a in-death relationship with Christ, forgiveness is gonna come along with patience and gentleness.
• 18:20
  Michelle Moore: If you're speaking love, how hard can it be to be really irritated at your I mean, you can be irritated at your sauce, let me rephrase that.
• 18:32
  Michelle Moore: I think if you have a deep relationship with Christ, you're going to have God's gonna speak to you and being like, you just sounded like that.
• 18:43
  Michelle Moore: You're choosing, you yourself is choosing this, the bitterness.
• 18:50
  Michelle Moore: It's not God is choosing bitterness, you, and that's when pride comes in.
• 18:56
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 18:56
  Daniel Moore: And we've talked about it before, that's why it's important to pray for your spouse because how can you be bitter or hate someone that you just prayed blessings over?
• 19:07
  Daniel Moore: We've mentioned that several times, and there's so much truth to that statement.
• 19:11
  Daniel Moore: Because if we are truly having a prayer life like we should be, talking to our Father and allowing God to pour into us and you know, wanting him to help us to be a better person, to be a better spouse, then it makes it really hard for me to be mean to you and say hateful things to you and mean it.
• 19:30
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 19:30
  Michelle Moore: And I I like it because it says marriage becomes one of the primary places where grace is practiced, not just proclaimed.
• 19:38
  Michelle Moore: You think about it, if you're practicing grace with your spouse, how much more grace are you gonna practice throughout the day to other people?
• 19:46
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, exactly.
• 19:47
  Daniel Moore: I heard a guy talking on a podcast here recently, he was being interviewed, and he has a marriage ministry.
• 20:11
  Daniel Moore: I actually have one of his books that he's written that's a really good book called The Essential Nine.
• 20:15
  Daniel Moore: Uh he was talking about how in his early years of marriage, even when he was doing marriage ministry, his wife and he conflicted a lot.
• 20:23
  Daniel Moore: They had not, even though they were doing marriage ministry, they still hadn't figured the conflict thing out.
• 20:28
  Daniel Moore: And he said one day he had a scheduled appointment for a marriage conference that he was speaking at that weekend.
• 20:36
  Daniel Moore: And sure enough, right before they left, they got in a huge fight.
• 20:39
  Daniel Moore: And he was very mean with his words.
• 20:41
  Daniel Moore: He's an escalator, he's one of those that he starts yelling.
• 20:44
  Daniel Moore: He says, I grew up in a house of yellers, so therefore I became a yeller when I had my own home.
• 20:49
  Daniel Moore: He said, I brought it right into my marriage.
• 20:52
  Daniel Moore: And he said he they went back and forth.
• 20:54
  Daniel Moore: He said some really hateful cutting things to his wife.
• 20:57
  Daniel Moore: And he said, just before he got ready to leave and walk out the door, she looked at him and she said, You know, she said, I just wish that all the things that you say to these people when you go to these conferences and the way that you pour into them to try to help them build their marriages and that you speak into them from the word.
• 21:16
  Daniel Moore: I just wish that you would do that here at home.
• 21:18
  Daniel Moore: Ouch.
• 21:19
  Daniel Moore: And he said, you know, he said that cut like a knife when she said that.
• 21:24
  Daniel Moore: And he said he didn't even want to leave at that point, but he already had to this the conference, he had to go.
• 21:30
  Daniel Moore: He said that whole weekend, guess what was on his mind?
• 21:33
  Daniel Moore: He sat there and that just stewed inside him over.
• 21:36
  Daniel Moore: He said he felt so bad.
• 21:37
  Daniel Moore: He felt so horrible because his wife didn't deserve to be talked to that way.
• 21:42
  Daniel Moore: She's a human being just like he is, and she's on an equal level with him in their marriage.
• 21:47
  Daniel Moore: There was no reason for him to cut her down like that.
• 21:50
  Daniel Moore: And he said, So he prayed about things.
• 21:52
  Daniel Moore: He said he didn't take care of it immediately.
• 21:54
  Daniel Moore: He prayed about it, then he came back and he resolved within himself to try to fix this.
• 21:59
  Daniel Moore: And he said, God.
• 21:59
  Daniel Moore: God laid it upon his heart.
• 22:01
  Daniel Moore: The next time you get to a conflict and you're you're starting to escalate, your voices, voice is starting to rise, you start to feel that yelling fit come on.
• 22:09
  Daniel Moore: He said, Do the opposite.
• 22:11
  Daniel Moore: Bring your tone down.
• 22:12
  Daniel Moore: And he said, So the next time that happened, he said, I intentionally brought my tone down to where I was halfway to a whisper.
• 22:18
  Daniel Moore: And he said, What did that cause?
• 22:19
  Daniel Moore: My wife had to lean in then to see what I was trying to say, get closer to me.
• 22:23
  Daniel Moore: And he said, You know, he said, if I still felt inside of me that I was on the verge of escalating, I'd go to go to a whisper.
• 22:31
  Daniel Moore: He said, I just tried my hardest to go the opposite direction of what I normally do.
• 22:35
  Daniel Moore: And he said, you know, he said he mastered it.
• 22:38
  Daniel Moore: And he realized that he he finally got some self-control over that issue.
• 22:43
  Daniel Moore: And he said, then later, as this thing progressed and he started working on this and things started getting a little bit better, he came up with this idea that everywhere we go, everywhere we speak, it doesn't matter where we are, Christ is there with us.
• 22:56
  Daniel Moore: If we are Christians, Christ is in our home, he's in our rooms.
• 23:00
  Daniel Moore: Wherever we are at, we have Christ living inside of us.
• 23:02
  Daniel Moore: So it's not just me and you yelling and conflicting with each other.
• 23:06
  Daniel Moore: Christ is in the middle of this also.
• 23:08
  Daniel Moore: And he said he, for some reason, and I think a lot of us have this issue, we forget.
• 23:13
  Daniel Moore: You know, we start fighting and arguing and our voices raise and escalate, and all of a sudden the moment's about me and you.
• 23:19
  Daniel Moore: Who's going to win this fight?
• 23:20
  Daniel Moore: You know, we forget God's sitting there listening to this whole thing, you know, very disturbed, probably at what's going on and upset with us.
• 23:28
  Daniel Moore: And he said, It's so easy to forget that.
• 23:30
  Daniel Moore: So he started getting a third chair.
• 23:32
  Daniel Moore: And when they'd have these conflicts and stuff, and he'd set the chair between them, and that's where Jesus was sitting.
• 23:37
  Daniel Moore: That's awesome.
• 23:37
  Daniel Moore: And he said he kept that in his mind the whole time while they were talking.
• 23:41
  Daniel Moore: He said, It's really hard to argue with your spouse and be mean and hateful and say mean, rude things to her or him whenever you're visualizing Jesus is sitting there in the middle listening to the whole conversation.
• 23:54
  Michelle Moore: That's so good.
• 23:55
  Daniel Moore: And he said it's just amazing the difference and transformation it made in their marriage.
• 23:59
  Daniel Moore: And maybe, you know, we're speaking to somebody out there this week.
• 24:02
  Daniel Moore: Maybe you're having this issue.
• 24:04
  Daniel Moore: This might be a good uh way to help you solve that issue because it's more visual.
• 24:09
  Daniel Moore: It is.
• 24:10
  Michelle Moore: It's not you know, it's visual that he there is a chair there that you know that he's sitting there watching.
• 24:17
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and so it helps us to continue to be more Christ-like in our nature because it's again, like we talked about earlier, it's hard for me to be mean to you and say hateful things to you when I'm praying for you for God to bless you and build you up into who he wants you to be.
• 24:33
  Daniel Moore: Well, it's the same thing.
• 24:34
  Daniel Moore: It's hard for me to be Christ-like when I'm sitting here with Christ sitting right in the middle between us and I'm spouting hateful things that Satan's wanting me to throw them daggers.
• 24:43
  Daniel Moore: Satan wins that battle.
• 24:45
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 24:45
  Daniel Moore: If I start throwing the daggers and the word arrows and the word knives and all that kind of thing.
• 24:50
  Michelle Moore: Well, and as you're saying that, when you're fighting and you're trying to prove your point, that's pride.
• 24:55
  Michelle Moore: So pride is not of God.
• 24:59
  Michelle Moore: So you gotta remember you're fighting Satan at that time.
• 25:02
  Michelle Moore: You have to die to self.
• 25:04
  Daniel Moore: Yes, you do.
• 25:05
  Michelle Moore: Just remember, not every battle's worth winning.
• 25:09
  Daniel Moore: No.
• 25:09
  Daniel Moore: No, there's gotta be a happy medium there where you both can come to a point where either even though both of you may not have what you would consider, quote unquote, winning that transaction between yourselves, you can at least live with the outcome.
• 25:22
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 25:22
  Daniel Moore: And be okay with it.
• 25:24
  Daniel Moore: So as we continue here in Ephesians, Paul continues explaining that Christ's purpose was, and read that part to us.
• 25:33
  Michelle Moore: To sanctify her, having cleansed her by washing off water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor.
• 25:43
  Daniel Moore: So this statement here in Ephesians reminds us that biblical marriage is not spiritually neutral.
• 25:48
  Daniel Moore: A godly marriage is not just about shared responsibility, shared finances, or shared memories.
• 25:54
  Daniel Moore: All those do matter.
• 25:56
  Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, we talked about our trip earlier.
• 25:58
  Daniel Moore: We're gonna forever remember those memories that were made.
• 26:00
  Daniel Moore: We've got lots of vacations, we've got lots of memories.
• 26:03
  Daniel Moore: Those are a part of our marriage, but those are not actually the core foundation of what our marriage truly is.
• 26:10
  Daniel Moore: At its core, marriage is about mutual spiritual formation, it's about two people helping each other become more like Christ, pointing one another back to the truth of God's word and encouraging growth and holiness.
• 26:22
  Daniel Moore: And that's kind of what we just mentioned earlier.
• 26:25
  Daniel Moore: You know, if you have something that's on your heart and God wants you to move into this new uh area in your life to do something for Him, it's my job as a spouse to back you in that, to cover you in prayer and to push you as far as you I can possibly help you go to attain what God wants you to do.
• 26:46
  Daniel Moore: Even if that means I end up in the background.
• 26:49
  Daniel Moore: You know, if this may not be my calling, it's yours.
• 26:52
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 26:52
  Daniel Moore: But it's still my job to be behind you for your support system, whatever it may be, and vice versa.
• 26:59
  Daniel Moore: You we both do this for each other.
• 27:01
  Michelle Moore: And it's so encouraging when you have that support system.
• 27:04
  Michelle Moore: Yep.
• 27:05
  Michelle Moore: You know, if you think about it, I mean, there's a lot of times that for like Daniel, you know, he just jumps and goes, although I encourage him, he's just a go-getter and he's like, I'm gone.
• 27:15
  Michelle Moore: There are seasons of my life when I have felt like there's been deserts that God is teaching me things, but there's also times that I have not moved in things that God has really wanted for me because I don't feel like I'm good enough, and you know, and I don't know why.
• 27:32
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I'm I'm much past that now, but he has to encourage me.
• 27:37
  Michelle Moore: Um, you know, and it feels good to have someone come along and just tap me and be like, you can do this.
• 27:44
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, you know, he loves me so much to see that I succeed in what God has for me.
• 27:50
  Michelle Moore: And I share those times with Daniel so that he knows too to hold me accountable.
• 27:56
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 27:57
  Michelle Moore: You know, and you as a marriage to have that support from your spouse, it does wonders.
• 28:05
  Michelle Moore: I mean, the encouragement, I just I mean, I didn't have that in my previous marriage, and I don't really know that I had a lot of encouragement as a child.
• 28:15
  Michelle Moore: Um so having it now has changed a lot in how I look at things.
• 28:22
  Michelle Moore: And it becomes from, I don't know if I can do this.
• 28:25
  Michelle Moore: It's like, heck yeah, I can do this, you know, because I have someone that right back there behind me, encouraging me.
• 28:31
  Michelle Moore: And if I run into roadblocks, we discuss those, and it's like, okay, and I know he's praying for me daily.
• 28:38
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 28:38
  Daniel Moore: And I know you're doing the same for me.
• 28:40
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, and I and I love it.
• 28:42
  Michelle Moore: I love to see Daniel succeed.
• 28:44
  Michelle Moore: I have encouraged him to go to college to get a degree in psychology, would you know that?
• 28:52
  Michelle Moore: Um, but I, you know, I see him in a way that probably he doesn't even see himself.
• 28:59
  Michelle Moore: And I think as spouses, you should see each other in ways that they don't, because who's our worst known critic?
• 29:07
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, we are here.
• 29:08
  Michelle Moore: We are.
• 29:09
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 29:09
  Michelle Moore: So if you really think about it, if you have the lens on of a godly spouse, you're going to encourage that spouse to even drive harder, dream bigger.
• 29:20
  Michelle Moore: Because you know that God's got those plans for the future for them.
• 29:24
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 29:24
  Daniel Moore: And of course, to do that, we have to take a lot of our own pride out.
• 29:28
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 29:29
  Daniel Moore: You know, because I'm a I like to lead.
• 29:33
  Daniel Moore: You know, I like to, I mean, I've had this podcast going on five years now.
• 29:37
  Daniel Moore: You've been with me for almost going on a couple years of it at this point.
• 29:41
  Daniel Moore: Hard to believe, but this is our second year going into the marriage side of it.
• 29:46
  Daniel Moore: And, you know, I'm I'm constantly writing, doing something, you know, yes, putting books out or whatever it may be.
• 29:54
  Daniel Moore: And that's not even including my regular job, which is also ministry.
• 29:58
  Daniel Moore: You know, I've I've been very ministry-minded in a lot of the things that I do.
• 30:02
  Daniel Moore: So it would be really hard for me if God put a calling on your life right now for you to be something big or whatever.
• 30:09
  Daniel Moore: It could be really hard for me to step back from that because I would be, I would want to be right there in the middle of it being a leader with you.
• 30:16
  Daniel Moore: But if that's not what God called me to do, I'm gonna have to put my pride on the shelf and say, okay, this is Michelle's season.
• 30:24
  Daniel Moore: This is my chance to pour into you to help you attain whatever God has for you.
• 30:30
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 30:31
  Daniel Moore: And so that's why humility in this situation is so essential as a spouse.
• 30:36
  Daniel Moore: You know, Philippians chapter 2, verses 5 through 8 is a perfect scripture for this.
• 30:40
  Daniel Moore: It paints a powerful picture of Christ's mindset.
• 30:43
  Daniel Moore: Christ humbled himself.
• 30:44
  Daniel Moore: Read that scripture to us.
• 30:47
  Michelle Moore: It says, Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.
• 30:53
  Michelle Moore: Who, though he was in the form of God, emptied himself by taking the form of a servant.
• 31:01
  Daniel Moore: The thing that none of us want to be, a servant.
• 31:04
  Daniel Moore: We want to be in the front in the limelight, want to be the leaders.
• 31:07
  Michelle Moore: It's just not all of us.
• 31:08
  Daniel Moore: Some of us are different.
• 31:10
  Michelle Moore: Yes.
• 31:10
  Daniel Moore: But I think where our strong points are at, we always want to be in the middle of that, which is very that's the way we're wired.
• 31:17
  Daniel Moore: That's just the way we are.
• 31:19
  Daniel Moore: And a lot of times God lets us do that.
• 31:21
  Daniel Moore: He really does.
• 31:22
  Daniel Moore: He'll open doors and he'll allow us to shine.
• 31:24
  Daniel Moore: But there are times that he wants us to serve and he wants us to be who Christ was.
• 31:30
  Daniel Moore: And especially in marriages, we have to learn to be humble and be able to serve each other.
• 31:36
  Daniel Moore: And that's where we reflect Christ.
• 31:38
  Daniel Moore: Um, as he reflects himself towards us, that's the reason he came, was to be that servant.
• 31:43
  Daniel Moore: And so that kind of humility is the soil in which a healthy marriage grows.
• 31:48
  Daniel Moore: It means laying down that pride, it means laying down the preferences and the need to always be right.
• 31:54
  Daniel Moore: How many times do we run across situations in our own lives or even in marriages that we work with where the each spouse wants to be the one that's right?
• 32:04
  Michelle Moore: I'm kind of like that.
• 32:05
  Daniel Moore: That's what starts conflicts because everybody wants to be right.
• 32:09
  Daniel Moore: And so in marriage, the goal is not to win arguments, though, nor keep score, or even to protect our egos.
• 32:16
  Daniel Moore: And we all have those.
• 32:17
  Daniel Moore: It's actually to reflect Christ by loving sacrificially.
• 32:20
  Daniel Moore: I love that.
• 32:21
  Daniel Moore: If we are humble, we show humility, we actually put ourselves in that place where we serve and we sacrifice things, then we find that we won't keep score.
• 32:32
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 32:33
  Daniel Moore: We don't write things down to use them later against our spouse when they make us mad.
• 32:37
  Daniel Moore: Uh, we are also not going to be always wanting to be the one that's right.
• 32:43
  Daniel Moore: Um, where that those egos that we have is gonna be put on the back shelf because there's gonna be no need for an ego, because again, we're being a servant like Christ.
• 32:52
  Daniel Moore: You know, Christ God created us.
• 32:55
  Daniel Moore: The Trinity was all there in Genesis when the world began.
• 32:58
  Daniel Moore: If anybody has a right to have an ego, it's Jesus.
• 33:01
  Daniel Moore: But he does not have one.
• 33:03
  Daniel Moore: And so if we're gonna reflect him in our marriages, then we are going to have to make sure that we put those egos to the side as well.
• 33:11
  Daniel Moore: And we love our spouses like Christ expects us to.
• 33:16
  Daniel Moore: So that's also why 1 Corinthians 13 is more than just poetic language for wedding ceremonies.
• 33:22
  Daniel Moore: And this is the love chapter for those of you that are uh pretty versed in the Bible out there, you'll know which which chapter we're talking about.
• 33:30
  Daniel Moore: But it's a practical blueprint for gospel-shaped love.
• 33:34
  Daniel Moore: And Michelle, read that scripture there.
• 33:38
  Michelle Moore: Love is patient and kind, it does not insist on its own way, it bears all things, it believes all things, it hopes all things, it endures all things.
• 33:52
  Daniel Moore: And I think whenever we look at these scriptures, you know, we're used to seeing them on pillowcases, on mugs, on little pictures at little Christian bookstores.
• 34:01
  Daniel Moore: You know, we we see some of these scriptures like this everywhere.
• 34:04
  Daniel Moore: And it's for good reason.
• 34:07
  Daniel Moore: There are tons of nuggets in these scriptures that we need to really apply in our life.
• 34:12
  Daniel Moore: But I think at the same time, a lot of times it kind of makes us forget what they truly mean because we see it.
• 34:18
  Daniel Moore: Oh, that's a that's a cool, that's my favorite scripture.
• 34:20
  Daniel Moore: I gotta buy that mug.
• 34:22
  Daniel Moore: And so we buy it and we start making our coffee in it, but then the next thing you know, we're having a big fight at home with our spouse.
• 34:29
  Daniel Moore: And we forget what 1 Corinthians 13 says and what it means.
• 34:34
  Daniel Moore: It's right there on our mug, and we're sitting there yelling at each other over the coffee steam coming out of our mug with 1 Corinthians 13 on it.
• 34:41
  Michelle Moore: If you argue over that, you really need help.
• 34:44
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 34:46
  Daniel Moore: Um, but basically we're getting what we're getting at here is when you read that scripture, what does love do?
• 34:52
  Daniel Moore: It bears everything.
• 34:54
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, it believes everything, it has hope in everything, and it endures everything.
• 35:01
  Daniel Moore: It doesn't matter what Satan tries to throw at us as couples, it doesn't matter how what kind of roadblocks he tries to put up in front of us, doesn't matter what other people do to us as a couple, and then trying to cause stir up the the stuff in between us or whatever, if we have true love for each other, that true love's gonna endure all of that.
• 35:21
  Michelle Moore: But it also, you know, you kind of think of the love, it doesn't come naturally.
• 35:25
  Michelle Moore: No, you know, and and that goes back.
• 35:28
  Michelle Moore: If you, you know, if you have to practice that that, the same thing as we go back to forgiveness over bitterness, patience over irritation, gentleness over retaliation, those things you have to practice because they don't come naturally.
• 35:44
  Daniel Moore: That's right.
• 35:45
  Daniel Moore: And I think even the grace that we was talking about earlier and forgiveness is the same way.
• 35:50
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, they are an ongoing action.
• 35:52
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 35:53
  Daniel Moore: That's something that has to happen moment by moment.
• 35:55
  Daniel Moore: You don't forgive somebody and then just stop.
• 35:57
  Daniel Moore: It doesn't just end there.
• 35:59
  Daniel Moore: You have to continue because that hurt's still there.
• 36:02
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 36:02
  Daniel Moore: And anytime that those irritations happen, those irritations are still there.
• 36:07
  Daniel Moore: She's still got to have the grace to get past all of that and keep moving forward.
• 36:11
  Daniel Moore: And Christ, it's the same way with us.
• 36:13
  Daniel Moore: We mess up all the time, but yet Christ always has grace and forgiveness for us.
• 36:18
  Michelle Moore: Well, and you think as your relationship with Christ changes, so does your heart.
• 36:22
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 36:23
  Daniel Moore: So this uh this love that we're talking about here, it flows out of a heart that's been transformed by the love of God, as 1 John 4.19 tells us, we love because he first loved us.
• 36:36
  Daniel Moore: So here we are, we're reflecting again, we're taking lessons from Christ and how he treats us.
• 36:42
  Daniel Moore: We're taking lessons from that so that I know how to treat you, and so that you know how to treat me.
• 36:48
  Daniel Moore: And it's a true love when that happens.
• 36:50
  Daniel Moore: So when we view marriage through the lens of the gospel, we begin to see that it's not ultimately about personal happiness, although joy is certainly a fruit of it.
• 36:59
  Daniel Moore: You know, you and I, because we've got a pretty healthy marriage at this point, we're happy a lot.
• 37:05
  Daniel Moore: We have a lot of joy in our marriage and the things that we do.
• 37:08
  Daniel Moore: So that is a huge part of it.
• 37:10
  Daniel Moore: But that's not really the core of what we're trying to do here with our marriage.
• 37:15
  Daniel Moore: Marriage is about witness, it's about displaying God's covenant faithfulness to a watching world.
• 37:21
  Daniel Moore: So, in that sense, marriage becomes a mission field, a daily opportunity to show what Christ's love looks like in real life.
• 37:29
  Michelle Moore: Could you imagine what people thought of us?
• 37:33
  Michelle Moore: Well, actually, you know, we didn't show a lot.
• 37:35
  Michelle Moore: We put on, we hit it.
• 37:37
  Michelle Moore: But, you know, if you really think about your actions and then being, you know, your marriage becoming a mission field, I think about now.
• 37:47
  Michelle Moore: You know, if people look at us, I want to see, I want them to see the love of Christ.
• 37:52
  Michelle Moore: That if we do have a disagreement, that hey, you forgiveness is right there.
• 37:59
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 37:59
  Michelle Moore: Um, but most of all, I mean, our marriage transformed by communication and love for each other and the expectations.
• 38:06
  Michelle Moore: Um, so I mean, I think about that.
• 38:09
  Michelle Moore: Your marriage is a ministry itself.
• 38:13
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I look up to a lot of the older people.
• 38:17
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 38:18
  Michelle Moore: And I'm like, how did you walk that?
• 38:20
  Michelle Moore: How did you walk that season?
• 38:21
  Michelle Moore: You know, because we're in a different season.
• 38:23
  Michelle Moore: Our children are grown.
• 38:24
  Michelle Moore: We have grandchildren, you know, we have jobs.
• 38:27
  Michelle Moore: We're in that middle age now, and there are seasons that come up against, you know, that we have to walk.
• 38:33
  Michelle Moore: So I do look to the older people that have been married for a long time, and I want to know because their marriage is a ministry to me.
• 38:43
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 38:43
  Michelle Moore: Because I watch them.
• 38:45
  Daniel Moore: And it's something you don't retire from till the day that till the as long as you and I are together, we should be living an example for anybody behind us, and sometimes even the older ones.
• 38:56
  Daniel Moore: They didn't have a very good marriage either.
• 38:57
  Daniel Moore: And they can look back at even us as a younger couple, if, you know, with Christ radiating out of us, that's what this marriage is all about.
• 39:06
  Daniel Moore: You know, we all the other stuff is just the icing on the cake.
• 39:10
  Daniel Moore: You know, the actual cake is how are we reflecting towards other people and how are they growing because of what they're seeing us do?
• 39:18
  Daniel Moore: And that's the whole purpose of this book that I wrote and what it means to have your marriage as a mission.
• 39:25
  Daniel Moore: I love, you know, how you said it's as a mission field.
• 39:27
  Daniel Moore: And that's exactly what it's all about.
• 39:30
  Daniel Moore: And, you know, that real life, it includes laundry piles, burnt dinners, missed expectations, disagreements over how to load the dishwasher.
• 39:39
  Daniel Moore: Those everyday moments are not interruptions to spiritual growth, they are the training ground for gospel love.
• 39:46
  Daniel Moore: And it's often in the ordinary, unglamorous moments that Christ is most clearly revealed.
• 39:52
  Michelle Moore: I want to go back to, you know, as you discussed that, missed expectations is a big one.
• 39:59
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 40:00
  Michelle Moore: Because if you don't know that you're missing an expectation, um, for example, you know, I want you to do something, but I never communicated that to you.
• 40:10
  Michelle Moore: And I let bitterness grow because I didn't speak that expectation to you or I didn't discuss it.
• 40:19
  Michelle Moore: I just let it go and be like, okay, you just didn't meet my expectation.
• 40:23
  Michelle Moore: One communication.
• 40:24
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 40:25
  Michelle Moore: And then we're gonna go back to forgiveness over bitterness.
• 40:28
  Michelle Moore: Because if you don't talk about that expectation, you're gonna let bitterness grow.
• 40:34
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 40:35
  Michelle Moore: Because how does that spouse know?
• 40:37
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 40:38
  Daniel Moore: And again, God's given us a blueprint for that.
• 40:41
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 40:41
  Daniel Moore: Because his word, the Bible, yeah, is full of his expectations for us as a Christian.
• 40:47
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 40:47
  Daniel Moore: So he's spelled it all out for us.
• 40:49
  Daniel Moore: There's no reason to have any question whatsoever what God expects out of us.
• 40:54
  Daniel Moore: So it's a fair playing field at that point.
• 40:56
  Daniel Moore: Now it's our choice if we're gonna follow that or not.
• 40:59
  Daniel Moore: That's on us.
• 41:00
  Daniel Moore: So why should we expect our spouses to read our minds and not know what our expectations are if we don't speak them?
• 41:07
  Michelle Moore: And don't set expectations that you know your spouse is not gonna meet.
• 41:11
  Michelle Moore: I mean, come on.
• 41:12
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 41:13
  Michelle Moore: Dan's not gonna go get a job and make a million dollars a year, you know?
• 41:17
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 41:17
  Michelle Moore: If it is.
• 41:18
  Daniel Moore: As much as I'd like to.
• 41:19
  Michelle Moore: I know.
• 41:19
  Michelle Moore: I can't expect him to do things that's way out of his control.
• 41:24
  Michelle Moore: You know, as as a spouse, sitting down and saying, okay, this is our expectations in our marriage.
• 41:31
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 41:32
  Michelle Moore: And communicating those I think is very, very important.
• 41:36
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 41:37
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I don't expect Dan to do laundry.
• 41:39
  Michelle Moore: Oh, let me take that back.
• 41:41
  Michelle Moore: Yes, I do, because I don't like laundry.
• 41:43
  Daniel Moore: She hates the laundry.
• 41:44
  Daniel Moore: I do.
• 41:45
  Michelle Moore: But you know, just expectations.
• 41:47
  Michelle Moore: For example, I don't expect Daniel to send me flyers for her anniversary on her birthday.
• 41:52
  Michelle Moore: I don't expect that.
• 41:54
  Michelle Moore: I I if he if if you ask me, I'd rather buy a pair of shoes.
• 41:58
  Michelle Moore: I get more time out of it.
• 42:00
  Michelle Moore: You know, I don't expect Daniel to do the things that I always want to do.
• 42:06
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 42:06
  Michelle Moore: It's because he's different than me.
• 42:08
  Michelle Moore: That's the reason why unmissed expectations is so important in a marriage.
• 42:14
  Michelle Moore: You need to make sure you communicate and not let those go.
• 42:20
  Daniel Moore: And I know those are your non-expectations because you've told me.
• 42:23
  Daniel Moore: So it's like you've got to be open with each other and communicate so that you don't have these issues that come up which causes conflict.
• 42:33
  Michelle Moore: Which we're pretty good about our expectations.
• 42:35
  Michelle Moore: Neither one of us, if you really think about it, and you go back to the word.
• 42:38
  Michelle Moore: We actually, as humans, put more expectations on our spouses than God ever intended us to do.
• 42:46
  Daniel Moore: Yes.
• 42:46
  Daniel Moore: No doubt about that at all.
• 42:48
  Daniel Moore: And it causes a lot of problems in a lot of different situations.
• 42:52
  Michelle Moore: Yes, it does.
• 43:07
  Daniel Moore: So as we close here this week, I've put a little example here that I'm going to let Michelle read.
• 43:13
  Daniel Moore: And everything that we've talked about today, as far as whenever we come into these situations in our marriages, how we need to think of it from Christ side of things, putting Christ in the middle of it, reflecting Christ as he loved the church.
• 43:27
  Daniel Moore: And this little story is going to kind of explain that just a little bit here.
• 43:31
  Daniel Moore: So let's go ahead and take a look at what this might look like in a real marriage.
• 43:34
  Daniel Moore: And Michelle, go ahead and share that with us.
• 43:36
  Michelle Moore: Mike and Jenna have been married for five years, then genuinely love each other, but like most couples, they don't always get it right.
• 43:43
  Michelle Moore: One evening, Jenna comes home completely drained after a chaotic day at work.
• 43:48
  Michelle Moore: The house is messy, dinner still hasn't been made, and to make matters worse, Mike, who said he'd be home early to help, walks in an hour late, holding a coffee.
• 43:59
  Michelle Moore: Coffee and no explanation.
• 44:02
  Michelle Moore: Jenna feels the frustration rising.
• 44:05
  Michelle Moore: Her natural instinct is to unload everything she's feeling.
• 44:08
  Michelle Moore: Mike, on the other hand, is already on edge from a stressful meeting and is bracing for conflict.
• 44:15
  Michelle Moore: The stage is set for a familiar pattern of defensiveness, harsh words, and emotional distance.
• 44:23
  Michelle Moore: But instead of reacting, Jenna pauses.
• 44:26
  Michelle Moore: She remembers how Christ treated her when she was undeserving, how he met her with grace instead of condemnation.
• 44:35
  Michelle Moore: So she speaks honestly but gently.
• 44:38
  Michelle Moore: She expresses her disappointment, but she also acknowledges his long day and invites a conversation.
• 44:47
  Michelle Moore: I really needed you tonight.
• 44:49
  Michelle Moore: Can we talk about how we can do this better together?
• 44:52
  Michelle Moore: Mike, instead of justifying himself, remembers the humility of Christ.
• 44:59
  Michelle Moore: Philippians 2 echoes in his mind.
• 45:02
  Michelle Moore: He realizes he's been focused on himself rather than serving his wife.
• 45:07
  Michelle Moore: So he apologizes.
• 45:09
  Michelle Moore: Not just to keep the peace, but because he genuinely wants to love Jenna the way Christ loved the church, sacrificiously, humbly, and faithfully.
• 45:21
  Michelle Moore: In that moment, the gospel shapes their response.
• 45:26
  Michelle Moore: Grace replaces resentment, humility disarms defensiveness.
• 45:32
  Michelle Moore: Instead of creating distance, Christ draws them closer together.
• 45:39
  Daniel Moore: And I notice we read this, it seems kind of a weird story because this isn't how normal people usually react whenever they have these moments like this.
• 45:49
  Daniel Moore: But I put it together like this on purpose.
• 45:52
  Daniel Moore: Because if we're going to truly put the Bible into play and we're going to read our scripture and we're going to have our prayer life and we're going to allow that to infiltrate into our marriages and how we do our marriages, um, how we communicate with each other, this is really kind of how it's going to look like.
• 46:08
  Daniel Moore: Because, you know, we've got Jenna here who's, you know, she's expecting him home.
• 46:13
  Daniel Moore: He's an hour late.
• 46:14
  Daniel Moore: I mean, that's a long time to be there waiting for some help.
• 46:18
  Daniel Moore: And she had all her stuff going on all day long, you know.
• 46:21
  Daniel Moore: That anger's rising the longer it is, and then here you, you know, he comes prancing in the door with his coffee and just acting like nothing happened, although he's knows he's in trouble.
• 46:30
  Daniel Moore: And uh, but there's two ways that Jenna could have responded to this.
• 46:35
  Daniel Moore: You know, she could have flew right off the handle and been mad and just started chewing him out one side and down the other, ripping his head off, you know, calling him names, you know, just really escalating this whole thing.
• 46:47
  Daniel Moore: But that's not Christ-like.
• 46:49
  Daniel Moore: That's not how Christ wants us to do that.
• 46:51
  Daniel Moore: Instead, what did she do?
• 46:53
  Michelle Moore: She paused.
• 46:54
  Michelle Moore: Then she remembered how Christ treated her when she was undeserving, how he met her with grace, but she speaks honestly but gently.
• 47:04
  Michelle Moore: And she also acknowledged his long day and then invites the conversation.
• 47:11
  Michelle Moore: I love that.
• 47:13
  Daniel Moore: Yes, it's so important how you react.
• 47:17
  Michelle Moore: Because she was already frustrated, she chose to put herself last and put Christ before.
• 47:24
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 47:25
  Daniel Moore: I love that.
• 47:25
  Daniel Moore: She responded in a way that she thought Christ would do that.
• 47:29
  Daniel Moore: So when she did that, that then is going to set the tone for what Mike's going to do.
• 47:36
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, because he was already on edge and he was already raising for conflict.
• 47:40
  Michelle Moore: He was like, let's I'm I know what I'm getting ready to say.
• 47:43
  Daniel Moore: So he had his cup of coffee and his boxing gloves and he was just waiting.
• 47:49
  Michelle Moore: But instead of justifying himself, he remembered the humility of Christ.
• 47:54
  Michelle Moore: He realized that it'd been focused on himself rather than serving his wife.
• 47:59
  Michelle Moore: So he apologizes.
• 48:01
  Michelle Moore: But I like this, not just to keep the peace, but he genuinely wants to love Jenna the way Christ loves the church, sacrificiously, humbly, and faithfully.
• 48:15
  Daniel Moore: And you know that.
• 48:16
  Daniel Moore: What does pride do whenever we are being accused?
• 48:20
  Daniel Moore: We want to sit there and justify ourselves.
• 48:24
  Daniel Moore: We want to make excuses.
• 48:26
  Daniel Moore: And sometimes those excuses aren't even true.
• 48:28
  Daniel Moore: They're lies a lot of times.
• 48:30
  Daniel Moore: And we want to try to gaslight our spouse into uh not being mad at us anymore and making them think that it was something else than what it really was.
• 48:41
  Daniel Moore: And we start working through all this word salad, you know, trying to fix everything and make it better so we can just move past it real quick and you know, maybe won't be brought up anymore, you know.
• 48:52
  Michelle Moore: When you think about it, in that moment, the gospel shapes their response.
• 48:56
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 48:57
  Michelle Moore: Grace replaces resentment and humility disarms defensiveness.
• 49:04
  Michelle Moore: Instead of creating distance, Christ draws them closer together.
• 49:10
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 49:11
  Michelle Moore: And so it's so important to remember.
• 49:13
  Daniel Moore: I can only imagine now, since Jenna did what she did, and Mike responded back the way he did, he probably didn't put himself in a position to do that again.
• 49:23
  Daniel Moore: And they probably had a good evening.
• 49:25
  Michelle Moore: Well, and you think about it, go back to the fact of can we talk about how we can do this better together?
• 49:31
  Michelle Moore: And I'm sure their tone, her tone was forgiving, loving, and she opened it up for communication.
• 49:42
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, because it says she spoke honestly honestly but gently.
• 49:45
  Daniel Moore: Yes.
• 49:45
  Daniel Moore: She handled it gently.
• 49:47
  Michelle Moore: So it goes back to communication.
• 49:50
  Daniel Moore: So that's the gospel at work in marriage.
• 49:52
  Daniel Moore: That's exactly the picture that we're trying to paint for you this week in this episode about how to respond like Christ would.
• 49:59
  Daniel Moore: It's not perfection, because we're not perfect.
• 50:02
  Daniel Moore: No.
• 50:02
  Daniel Moore: We're all sinful human beings that are put together in a marriage, but it's persistent grace.
• 50:08
  Daniel Moore: Again, we talked about this earlier.
• 50:09
  Daniel Moore: Persistent means it's it keeps going, keeps going, keeps going.
• 50:13
  Daniel Moore: That grace is always there and ready to come out when it needs to.
• 50:17
  Daniel Moore: Again, it's not keeping score, it's choosing sacrificial love.
• 50:21
  Daniel Moore: It recognizes that when failure happens, and it's going to, we're all going to fail.
• 50:26
  Daniel Moore: The hope of the marriage doesn't rest on neither spouse's performance, but it rests on Christ, who is at work in both of them, as we read in Philippians 1:6.
• 50:35
  Daniel Moore: So that gives you a whole different perspective on that when we take a look at that in that way.
• 50:40
  Daniel Moore: I think it's just, it paints a beautiful picture, really, of what our marriage should be.
• 50:45
  Daniel Moore: So as we close out this week, is there anything that you wanted to add to this one?
• 50:49
  Michelle Moore: No, I just want to say it was a great trip to North Carolina, and we created a wonderful memory with our seven-month-old, and so thankful to be part of her dedication and just getting to love on her.
• 51:02
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 51:03
  Michelle Moore: Wish we could take her back with us.
• 51:05
  Daniel Moore: Tried to kidnap her, they wouldn't let us do it.
• 51:07
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, they came out to the truck and took her away.
• 51:10
  Daniel Moore: Took her back.
• 51:11
  Michelle Moore: But we tried.
• 51:12
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 51:13
  Daniel Moore: But you know, that's the fun part of being married, having kids, starting a family.
• 51:18
  Michelle Moore: I do I do want to make one comment.
• 51:20
  Daniel Moore: Go ahead.
• 51:21
  Michelle Moore: Um, I I want to just make sure that you really guys just think about this.
• 51:26
  Michelle Moore: Um, that the love that um you have, going back to Corinthians, love is patient and kind.
• 51:33
  Michelle Moore: It does not insist on its own way.
• 51:35
  Michelle Moore: It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
• 51:41
  Michelle Moore: Remember that kind of love doesn't come naturally.
• 51:44
  Michelle Moore: But I challenge you guys to really love your spouse that way, to work hard on it, to read those scriptures together, to practice it.
• 51:57
  Michelle Moore: Um you know, choosing forgiveness over bitterness, patience over irritation, gentleness over retaliation.
• 52:04
  Michelle Moore: It echoes the gospel.
• 52:07
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, and that's what we are in a marriage.
• 52:10
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, we're like-minded, Christ-like-minded, and we have a ministry.
• 52:16
  Michelle Moore: Your marriage is your ministry.
• 52:18
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 52:18
  Daniel Moore: And God's watching, he's listening, yes, and he's pouring into us as much as we'll receive it.
• 52:25
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 52:26
  Daniel Moore: And so that's so important.
• 52:27
  Daniel Moore: So day by day in moments just like this, marriage becomes more than companionship.
• 52:33
  Daniel Moore: It becomes a living, breathing picture of redemption, one small act of grace at a time.
• 52:39
  Daniel Moore: So as we wrap up this week's conversation, here's the truth we want to leave with you.
• 52:44
  Daniel Moore: A gospel-shaped marriage isn't a perfect marriage, it's a grace-filled one.
• 52:49
  Daniel Moore: Every marriage will face moments of frustration, misunderstanding, and failure.
• 52:53
  Daniel Moore: There will be days when patience runs thin, words come out wrong, and expectations collide with reality.
• 53:00
  Daniel Moore: But those moments aren't the end of the story.
• 53:02
  Daniel Moore: They're actually the places where the gospel has the greatest opportunity to shine.
• 53:06
  Daniel Moore: When a husband chooses humility over pride, and when a wife extends forgiveness instead of holding on to resentment, and when both spouses remember the grace that they've received in Christ, something powerful happens.
• 53:19
  Daniel Moore: The marriage begins to reflect the very love that saved us, not because we get everything right, but because God's grace keeps meeting us in the middle of our imperfections.
• 53:29
  Daniel Moore: And that's what Paul is pointing to in Ephesians 5.
• 53:32
  Daniel Moore: Marriage isn't just about two people building a life together, it's about two people displaying the love of Christ in everyday life, in the laughter, in the learning, in the struggles, and even in the small acts of forgiveness that often happen behind closed doors.
• 53:48
  Daniel Moore: So this week, as you go back to routines, whether if it's laundry, dinner, long work days, or those little disagreements that inevitably pop up, remember this.
• 53:57
  Daniel Moore: Every moment is an opportunity to reflect the gospel.
• 54:00
  Daniel Moore: Every act of grace, every humble apology, every choice to love sacrificially becomes a small picture of Christ redeeming love.
• 54:09
  Daniel Moore: And over time, those small moments add up to something beautiful.
• 54:13
  Daniel Moore: A marriage that doesn't just survive, but quietly tells the story of redemption.
• 54:19
  Daniel Moore: And that's a story worth living.
• 54:22
  Daniel Moore: Well, you can go to our website, marriage lifeandmore.com, to check out more about our ministry.
• 54:28
  Daniel Moore: All of our platforms are there.
• 54:30
  Daniel Moore: Also, you can reach out to us at Daniel at connectingthegap.net.
• 54:33
  Daniel Moore: And there's also a form there that you can fill out and send us a message.
• 54:37
  Daniel Moore: We'd love to hear from you guys.
• 54:38
  Daniel Moore: All of our books are available there now for purchase.
• 54:41
  Daniel Moore: So you can check all of that out.
• 54:43
  Daniel Moore: We've got several books available that we've released in the last year here.
• 54:46
  Daniel Moore: And of course, you can pick up Marriage as a mission there as well if you'd like to get that.
• 54:50
  Daniel Moore: And follow along in our study here as we go through that book here over the next months to come.
• 54:56
  Daniel Moore: Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
• 55:02
  Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.