Latest / Jess Ask / Learning to Love Yourself | FT Tameka Ann Newton | EP84

Transcript

Learning to Love Yourself | FT Tameka Ann Newton | EP84 · Jess Ask

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl, Jessica and Smith, and you already
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: have fun and just ask God for another Do you
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: already know what it is?
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: And then you know it's about to get real.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: To be sure to show your girl the love and like,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: come in and subscribe God.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: For another day. Hey, hey, I know we could be
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: another way.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Mmm. Oh Lord, take a deep breath, thank God for
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: another day. I know it could be another way, you see,
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: it could almost go into what's that Brandy song Delilray
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: that I want to be? I was grooming in the
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: series with you that ain't don the right boys, But
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: y'all have been to learn who it is and like
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: two point five to two point five, But y'all, I
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: gotta pull my phone out because I almost forgot my assignment.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: I'm a y'all know where y'all landed. Y'all landed at
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: the place. You know what I'm saying. We're the safe
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: space where we create for influencers to decompress, have fun
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: and just ask you girl, Jessica Smith. And I'm super
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: excited for this episode, so much so that I'm missing
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: up all over the place.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: I'm a little nervous. I'm just saying, you gotta get
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: little nervous.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Yes you. They don't, they don't understand. I don't doubt
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: this is the hidden gym. You mean, she you can
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: see her, but she only come out when she when
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the Lord allowed her to, Like she doesn't.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: She wanted them type of folks, you know, like the
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: secret place people.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: They stay in the secret place and they only come
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: out from when God give them a Yeah.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: It's almost like anytime I call her, the Lord give
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: her a year.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So I know, I know she called my life. Yes,
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: and so I'm getting I'm using my advantage for the platform. Okay,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: y'all listen before I get into it, let me not
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: forget you'all.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Little song.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: That's all right, that's all right. That's a rain rain,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the space. Got to have you here, another
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: episode of Just Ask the podcast. Brad, throw your hand up.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: They can see you in the frame. That's Brad. That's
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: the boss, the boss man, the boss with the sauce.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: If you're not following b G t V, what you're doing,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: what you're doing because they on the end the description. Okay,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: and we go Live every Friday at three pm shameless plug.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, so yeah, that's a right. You were telling the
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: people how you be. I'm good, You're good, You're just
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: good today the other day.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: You know, it's a it's a good, it's a good
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: good though it's like good where you mentally.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Good good.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: You turn turn the camera to you so they can
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: see if they don't believe you or not, I'm.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Good like you know, this is so funny.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: In this season, people be asking me that, and I
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: don't necessarily always have, uh the language of you know,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: what's really happening. It's not nothing bad or anything like that.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: It's just I'm good as I'm processing me and the Lord.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: We journeying, I'm learning, I'm you know, you're doing some
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: yoking and things, but don't always feel good, but you
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: know it's working for my good.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: So the true answer is I'm good good, I'm good.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: I can deal with that too. Like I think i'm good.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I think I'm good because I'm still navigating what Because
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: good looks different in different seasons, right, what was good
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: to me before, my God, what was good to be
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: before probably ain't goodly now? So my good looks different
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I'm still learning what good is for me. You know
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, It's being okay with being in space.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: It's like, it's what it is like, I'm here in
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: present day learning where God wants me to be, learning
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: to be present, learning to be focused on what God
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: wants me to focus on, learning to appreciate the season
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: that I'm in, because sometimes, well, don't be appreciating because
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: it's like, Lord, how am I supposed.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: To appreciate this? Like is this? What is this? Because
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: this ain't mala because I can eat mala. I don't
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: know what this is. This ain't mala. I don't know
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: what this is. But y'all, we're super excited today.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: You already know we're going to be on the pool
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: pit today and listen this guest that we have. I'm
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: just I'm just trying to tell you go get your
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: water if you need a little ice with it. Why
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: the warning is here? Okay, don't know where we about
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: to go. I don't know, but we're going bye bye.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: But before we get into it, you already know it's
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: time for the community highlight of this week. And y'all,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: this is a special community highlight because listen, I've had
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: women or people from all ages, every side of the
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: of the space listen telling me how much they've enjoyed
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: this platform, Like I love the community that we're building.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I love that, you know, even if you know I'm
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: thirty two. Right now, I'm thirty two, and I can
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: see someone older than me, like twenty thirty years older
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: than me, and they can honor the oil. Right. It's
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: something about when the elder's honor the oil that's on
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: the youngin's life.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know what it does to me.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: It's something special, it's something unique, right, And so I
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: have to give this community highlight to a very special
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: person that I didn't even know was watching, y'all.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: I encountered her. I went to a baby shower and
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: she looked at me. She said, is that Jessica?
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: And we were like you would think I was on
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: a red carpet, Like, she was so excited to.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: See me, to be involved with me. She was like,
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: is that Jessica. I said, yeah, girl, it's me.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: She was like, I'm so proud of you. I've been
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: watching your podcast.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: You've been doing so well.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: You know I'm talking because I'm sure trying to steal
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: y'all her age with the I'm telling y'all age man.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: She was so excited to see me, and that brought
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: me so much joy. So I want to give the
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: community highlight to Miss Levilla. I might be saying her
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: name wrong, but I know her as Mama Cocher. Yeah,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I know her as Mama Coke. I had to ask
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: for the woman of God first name. But Mama Cocher,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: you know who you are. Thank you so much for
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: just being in me and Kendall's life, especially Kendall Light.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I know that's Kendall's best friend's mom, but Kendall's best
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: friend's mom had a sister who ended up becoming like
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: a big sister to me.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: So we like family like they just they're just like family.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: And no, even though there's been time and space, the
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: love it's always felt. And so I just I just
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: thank God for you. I thank God for your life.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: I pray a ease for the next five years will
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: be a season of ease for you.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: Like no more.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I won't say no more hard work, but the hard
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: work that you've done, the harvest is coming. And so
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I just speak life over you. I want to speak
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: love over you. I want the overflow to be like
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: really really, it be evident in your life to where
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: you get to enjoy and just enjoy life with ease.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: So I love you, Mama Cocher. Thank you so much
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: for supporting the podcast.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: So let's get.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Care.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: She go, okay, she got she got the hand clap, y'all.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: You should have never let me find it.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: She didn't found a hand clap, but all right, So
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: the time is here to uh introduce the guests of
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: the hour. And my god, I got listen. I gotta
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: ask sealiy because when I think about this woman, first
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: of all, we always silly, like we're gonna be silly,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: but when we get serious, oh, it gets serious.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: And one thing I know about her, she don't play
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: about me.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Like the people that she's called to and the people
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: that the Lord has assigned her to, she know it
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: for herself.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: And she she's gonna let you.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Know it, and she's gonna be an active participant in it.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: This is literally one of the first big sisters spiritually
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I've experienced, right, and she is anointed, she's an evangelist,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: she's a prophet. She yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm I'm, I'm,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm now, I'm now, I'll give it this.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: She profeted. She's really she's so perfeted that I called
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: her prophet.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, so she is a leader in in the Fivefold community.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I met her at the first place where I found God.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I met her when I found God, not to where
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: like finding of him, but found him for myself.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: It's one thing to be no God, know the God
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: of your parents.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: But I learned she We met in a season where
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I was learning God for myself, learning to be a
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: relationship with God. Shout out to the worship center that
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: will always be a special place in my life.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: I met her and she was behind the camera, and
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: now we've.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: She was behind the camera give announcements and stuff like this.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: I love I love the woman the God you hear
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: me so?
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: And now she is journeying on a different title that
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: we probably gonna end up talking about. But y'all, I
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: can't dismiss this. She she got her own show. She
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: got her own show.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: What you forget.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Called Coffee with Tamika and and baby.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: She is transparent on there.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Uh yeah, she got her own show, and you're gonna
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: be seeing more of her.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: She's doing some phenomenal things.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I'm just excited about the women of the wisdom that
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: we're about to be exposed to. So I introduced to
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: some present to most none other than my sister, my
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: accountability to me, God and my goodness, Lord help me. Okay,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, y'all have been warned. We don't know how to.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Hey, girl, y'all can't see me if y'all listening. But
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I'm giving her because I ain't seen you in so long.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Since it's been a minute.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: We've seen each other.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: We've seen each other, but we we've seen each other. Yeah,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: thank you so much for being in my life.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Like you so consistent though, like that. People don't. People
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: don't even know the hed of Like.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Girl, one of my first low place experiences.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: You were pulling me out. Nope, you can't be there
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: now because I've been there. You can't.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: You can't do that. You came for me, like you.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: It's one of the DESI way you know them folks
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: that you like. Oh, I can't tell it is because
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: she if I wanted to stay here, she's gonna rip
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: me out.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Ain't no stinging, Like, okay, I'm cutting you.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: You listen, years years listen, says how are you?
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Like, how are you?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I am learning how to be content with where God
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: sends me or how he uses me. I'm learning how
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: to be comfortable with that. There's so much that you
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: said in the intro that is bananas. She talked about
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: me flowing in the prophet that I'm over here having
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: a whole conversation with God like you and these downloads. Dude,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: like st I'm telling my business. But I'm learning how
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: to be content with that is it can sometimes be
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: very uncomfortable when the plans that you lay before him
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: and that you're praying about, and that you're asking him
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: to Okay, God, this is what I want, this is
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: what I'm looking for, this is what I'm working on.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: And he pushes back to the side and be like yeah,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: but I need you to go and do this, and
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: you're like bruh, Like come on. So I'm in that
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: season of being very content with where he go, I go,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: I speak, he speaks.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: So you you just confirmed what I heard with most
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: problems We're fin to go. Yeah, you didn't. That's the
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: crazy part.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: That's why I'm like, Okay, God, you're telling my business
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: because I'm very assignment driven. Right now, if like you
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: mentioned coffee break, I haven't done coffee break. It's been
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: a minute. It's probably been since like consistently right before
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: you asked me to do the retreat.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Mmm.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's a minute. Being consistent with it absolutely.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: So now it's like.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: When he says literally, like when I tell you, I
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: don't open my mouth unless he says open you know
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: how Sometimes people like, Okay, I got a schedule and
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I gotta do this.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: And people are pulling on you and they want to
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: hear from you.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: And one of the things that I told God is
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: that I would not be on social media, spreading or
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: doing anything that He has not ordained me to do
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: in that season. And so I'm not in the season
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: to do coffee break the way that I used to,
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And I had to get
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: comfortable with that because that was something that a lot
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: of people that is in our circle, you know what
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, that started to kind of know who I was, yeah,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: outside of you know, church. But yeah, so it's been
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: I'm content, like, all right, God, where we going and
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: what we're doing? So see this time, I know because
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: one of the things I heard the Lord say is
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: the need to learn how to live a submissive life.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: And your whole testimony revolves around submission. Like even from
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: the point I forgot to tell y'all in the introduction
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: she's a whole.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: Wife and a mother proud. But even that.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Story, that's a book by itself. No, like literally real talk.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: And so I don't are you open to sharing that
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: that part of Let's go let's go there first.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: Let's go there, because.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: For you it can't make sense to this because the
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: woman that I even see now a ten years ago now,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: were like, yeah, that's me, that's a mining you've seen
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: you see me in my twenties when I was just yeah,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: it was you were still developing and you was I
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: would say, at some point all of us are developing,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: and they say, but no, you were still like okay, God,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: what this looks like?
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: What is supposed am I supposed to? I don't want
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: to God, I'm no, no, no.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: But He's like, no, you gonna do this absolutely really
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: learning how to come into my own because just like
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: you were talking about what the worship center was doing
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: for you, the same thing, same thing, like you know,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: traditional learn you know, you're doing all of the things
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: that madea and Mom taught you to do well. The
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: worship center taught me how to have my own relationship
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: with God and the other important things that require you
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: to be a Christian right Jesus follower. And so yeah,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: you when you when I, when we saw each other,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: we were seeing each.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Other being like being found.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: And then just not being found, but also given the
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: tools to be developed into the women that God has
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: called us to be, you know what I'm saying.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: And so yeah, a journey.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: That was very much so orchestrated by someone who, like
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: many others, just say hey, come come to the church
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: on New Year's Eve, you know what I'm saying, Yeah,
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: and it ending up being the place that was destined
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: for me to be. Yeah, because the crazy part about
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: it is where we used to be on the Parkway.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was already affiliated with the church that was
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: previously there. Oh wow.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: That part, like the connection of how I came about
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: is like you can see the footprints man, and you're
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: still there.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: I'm still there evolving.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: You've seen a lot of things, You've seen a lot
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: of spaces, and one of the things I will say
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: about you although others moved, you didn't move. How were
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: you able to maintain? Like I know I'm supposed to
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: be here? Like how did you just know? Because we're
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: talking about living a submissive of life and some people
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: don't know what that looks like. And it's a lot
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: of like we're not gonna act like you know when
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: people all the people move, you might not question it.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: Am I supposed to move? Am I supposed to be
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: doing this?
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: I'm seeing this, I'm seeing this transition? Am I supposed
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: to be doing this? Like?
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: How did you zone into? Okay? God wants me here
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: beyond what I'm seeing.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: You have to have conversations with him about what to
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: do next, like not saying that anything in my life,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: whether it is my calling at the church or whether
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: it's my responsibility being a wife or a mom. When
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: it speaks about praying first, no matter how I feel
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: and what I'm going through, I have adapted that as
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: my mantra, Like before I move, I got to pray.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I gotta have a conversation with God. I have to
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: be vulnerable and honest with him to be like, look
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: you see this foolishness, or you see my heartbreaker? You
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: see that I don't understand. I need you to tell
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: me which way to go. That is how I've been
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: able to stand the way I have because no matter
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: how I felt, I always went to him with it
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: so he can give me what I need to stand
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: and that or in part about it, because sometimes we
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: as humans, we will move off of feelings and what
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: we see.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: But because I because I came.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Into this in a way of seeking Him in the
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: first place, I know what's going to what's required for
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: me to stay in that posture.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. So before I came a
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: full time ministry, I had my full fledged career fifteen
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: years and up for a promotion. Come on, somebody, Okay,
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: you calling me for who Lord? I mean, you know
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: When someone who you are doing life with the ministry
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: say they fasted and prayed and your name came up,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like, are you sure you was talking to God?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Because that is not a part again of my plan. Yeah,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Never would have thought I
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: fasted and prayed for three days, asked God to reveal
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: it to my husband and first, because that's a shift. Okay,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: come on, all right, full time ministry ain't nothing to
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: play with. Yeah, so what you can repeat for full
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: time ministry is nothing to play with. And what I
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: mean by that is baby mine, and don't go for that.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: You're not moved because of what goes into your pocket
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: and moved off of obedience.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: But so, yeah, And so he revealed it to Courtney first,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: and then when I was like, yeah, I'm good at
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, all righty, no girl, come on,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: you're good. Let's go go and tell him yes. And
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: from that so speaking to transitions and shifts that take place,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: because I'll go back to the foundations of where I started,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: and that's always consulting God. And may be uncomfortable. I
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: don't understand God, you know how I feel. But He
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: works through all of that because even in your obedience,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: he's able to deal with you, okay, and to deal
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: with the situation and others as well, because how can
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: he be glorified in chaos if we're always running from it?
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: How can he be glorified?
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: How can people see that God forgives and that Jesus
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: is the ultimate example If we're always making decisions based
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: off of our feelings and our feelings alone. You talk
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: about my development, it is because my feelings became second
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: come on to what God has called me to do.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: So I'm not gonna say to you that I ain't
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: had no sleepless nights, that I haven't limitations. I helped
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: write it in this season because I did not understand.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: But at the same breath, God's like, but I'm here
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: with you. He's taught me so much. It'll be seven
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: years in February that I'm like, Lord, how much more
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: do I have to learn? And he was like, because
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: of your yes, oh there's a lot more. And that's
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: the beautiful part about him, you know. He's like, I'm
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: giving you all of these things so you can have
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: the tools to do what I've called you to do.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: But it also means that we got to die to
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: self and it ain't always pready. It is not cute,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, when you're having to rely
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: on him fully like that. So that's how I've been
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: able to do it. It's been because of Him fully
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: giving me everything that I need, even in the midst
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: of in the midst Okay, listen, you're talking, you're talking.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to I'm trying to keep my help. I
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: see trying to trying to keep my help. I'm trying
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: to obey what's trying to pace this thing? Yes, so
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: I don't want to miss the opportunity to go back
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: to your testimony. You brought up your husband, Cortney, shout up,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: shut up, Mannaga. It wasn't always flowers and roses. And
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: that's one of the things that you opened up to
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: me kind of early on. It's like, girl, no, this
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: is what I'm going through with in life. You got
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: married while I was in Pensacola, Like yeah, so, but
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Jacob was here prior to I just think it's it's
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: How does that? How do you go from a woman.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Then to where you had a big question mark to
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: now I even heard you on the phone, was like, hey, babe,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I made it.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: You know, when you have learned from past mistakes, you
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: know how to get it right. You know how to
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: do it right. And that's why you know. I tell
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: people all the time, never be ashamed or embarrassed about.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: Your first try.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: You know, whether it's your first time taking the bar
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: or your first time taking.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Your exam to become a doctor or whatever.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: You know. Don't be afraid if you fail that first time.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: The beautiful part about it is learn heal so you
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: can be better. And I'm so grateful for what I
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: considered in the beginning of mistake only to be a blessing.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: Because because I even see the beauty in that.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, like seriously, because without that, I wouldn't be
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: at the worship center, you know what I'm saying in
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: the timeframe that I was. I'm grateful for that because
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: there's so much of there's so much growth that has
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: taking place. I'm not the same person then, you know
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: all of that. So I'm grateful for the friendship that
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: me and Courtney had in the beginning, as rocky and
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: crazy as it was. When God makes a promise, he
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: comes through even when it doesn't look like it. God
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: told me Courtney was my husband. I didn't believe it
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: at first, and then when I did believe, I'm like, okay,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: And then I thought, okay, So it's supposed to be
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: on my timing, and it's supposed to be when I
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: do it, and I'm thinking that it you know, I'm
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: in control, and God's like no, baby. Every time I
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: would move, He's like, I didn't tell you to do that.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: That's why going back to obedience, I know how to
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: do that well because I had six years on repeating
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: a repeat offenda to be able to learn better. And
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: so that's why God, you know, regardless of when Jacob
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: came and when I got married. One of the things
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: that I love what God has shown me even through that,
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: is that I promised you something and I fulfilled it
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: even when you made decisions that through curveballs in the
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: delivery of the promise.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: See, people don't want to talk about that.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Come on, I'm grateful that he still did the work
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: that needed to take place in both him and I.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: That's why I never sleep on where you are on
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: this part of your journey, because you never know who's
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: watching you. Just like talking about you know, the mother
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: that you just brought on your spiritual mom right, you
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: never know who's watching you.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: And without my.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Obedience to do coffee break in that season, not knowing
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: that the person that I'm co parenting with, I'm ministering too,
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: did not know that, you know what I'm saying, did
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: not know that the church that I'm connected to is
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: what brought him. You know what I'm saying, closer to
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: God did not know that. But so that's why you
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: never abort what God has called you to because you
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: don't know who is depending.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Upon your yes.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: And I'm grateful for the things that God has done
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: through Courtney and I because Jacob is the benefactor of that.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: And I'm grateful. You know what I'm saying, it's he
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: continues to show us both how He will continue to
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: always be with us when when we put him first,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: and that's been co parenting and that's been now husband
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: and wife.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: I can definitely see that. Man. I got I got it.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: I got chilled, and I'm really excited because I got
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: two questions that just came out of the conversation. For one,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's interesting that you bring up the
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: fact that you know it didn't work the way you
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: thought it was gonna work when you try to move
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: outside of God's time and you interrupted some things, but
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: God still used it for his glory. And it brings
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: me back to the idea of Abraham.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Like it's almost like a modern day and.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: He's gonna have a fit here, and you say that Abraham,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: like when you think about it, and the fact that
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: you named your son Jacob, I'm gonna I'm gonna let
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: the minister tell y'all why and so is significant.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: So break break it down, break it down for the people, well,
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Because Jacob is a part of Abraham's lineage. But the
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: beautiful part about it is that as Courtney and I
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: were looking at names, like, Okay, what are we gonna name?
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: You know, we had girls and we had boys, and
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: you know where he had he had a book with
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: meanings of the names and all of that stuff. And
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep it one because it was part spiritual,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: But then the other part was and Jacob is gonna
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: bust out laughing because he to tease me about this
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: all the time. But if anybody ever watched Twilight, you
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Jacob was okay, I mean so,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: So that was a bit that that was a part
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: of it too. However, however, and.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: It just it felt right out of all the names,
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: that's what stuck out. We didn't look at anything else.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: We're Yankee fans, and it was gonna be Robinson Cano
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: because at that time he was hot. You know what
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, but Jacob, God was like, yeah, that's it,
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: and he definitely carries it very well. I see every
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: day why God named him everything.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: You don't hate me.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: I definitely see why, and that allows me to be
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: able to pour into him the way that I do
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: because I understand his assignment. That Jacob name keep coming up, Delirae,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: that that name keep coming I'll tell you later.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so that's why.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: So something you said earlier I think is so beautiful
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: and I probably need this for myself more.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Than others needed.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: But the permission to mess up, like the permission to
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: not get it right the first time? How did you
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: learn to really give yourself grace? Because that people say, oh,
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: give yourself grace, give yourself grace, But as a believer,
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: you also don't want to live in a grace state
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: where you think it's okay to keep doing what you're
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: doing or experience what you're doing. So how do you
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: how did you learn to give to mek a grace?
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: Ooh, this is so good. I'm gonna tell you why.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Because I had to first learn how to love me,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: which brought about learning how to forgive myself, which also
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: showed me what grace looks like that God gives me
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: so in that I had to learn how to give
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: it to myself. When you began to heal from past
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: things that you begin to beat yourself up about, you
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: start to see the beauty in the healing that takes
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: place of that. So what I used to be bound
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: with I never allowed it anymore once I knew the truth,
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: and the truth was it's okay to mess up. As
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: you do yourself devotional, you're seeing time and time again,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: not just David and not just Saul. You're seeing multiple
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: people make mistakes. You're seeing people trip up, mess up,
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: but God still chose them for greater like it did
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: not keep them from receiving what it is that He
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: spoke over them even in their mess And so as
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I was tenuously reading that, you know, daily as I
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: do my devotional, I'm like, Tamika, you gotta be able
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: to lighten up on yourself. It's okay, God forgave you,
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: so why are you allowing yourself to be carrying around
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: something does not for you to carry? And when you
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: become so hard on yourself, you begin to realize that
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: you're doing something that also disappoints God, and that's how
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: I began to start looking at it. And I needed
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: to just because you're looking at somebody who had very
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: bad self esteem, you know what I'm saying.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: And so that's why I mentioned I had to love myself.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: I had to forgive, which allowed me to be able
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: to see the beauty in God's grace, so I could
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: be able to give it to myself to be like, oh, okay,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: oh it's all right.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: It's gonna get better. Learned from it. I you say
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: this at my previous job.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Hey, if it didn't cause any hurt or harm, it's okay.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: We got this. Learn from it? How can we how
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: we make it better?
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: And that's how I've had to really change my mindset,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: because when you begin to believe what the enemy has
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: been telling you from I mean, I don't want to
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: say childbird, but as a young kid, you begin to
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: think that that's truth.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: And so it took a lot of dismantling.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: It took a lot of Okay, if God says it's
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: about me, then I can't live opposite of that. And
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: that is why I'm able to give myself grace. And
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: because I give myself grace, that means I'm able to
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: give it to other people. That's so good, just like
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I'm able to forgive myself. I'm able to forgive people fully.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: I wasn't able to do that before. I'm able to
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: now exhibit those things that are just not for people
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: but to myself.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: And you have to learn how to do that, especially
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: when you never had especially.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: When you've never done it before. So you have to
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: learn how to do those things. So I learned it.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I learned that key thing on how to give myself grace.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: It's okay, it's okay, learn from it.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: That's so good that that even brings up the thought
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: of one of the assignments you gave me a long
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: time ago. Well you already know, so go ahead and
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: explained it. So how did you learn how to forgive yourself?
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: What was your process?
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: I'm pulling? Are you talking about?
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: When you had to write it down, write it down,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: and look in the mirror. So, yeah, she's really going there.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: So I wrote down what the enemy had been saying
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: to me. As long as I can remember you ugly,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: nobody will like you. You know, those kind of things, right,
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: And then on the other column, I will write down
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: the complete opposite and I'm only doing this because God
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: told me to do it, because I was a very
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: low place, just had Jacob all the nime.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: And so.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Once I did that, he was like, Okay, now I
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: need you to get in the mirror and I need
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: you to repeat those things that are in your head,
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: and when you repeat them, I need you to counteract
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: that with the things that I'm saying about you. And
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: that was one of the hardest things. I could say
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: all of the negative stuff I could speak about, all
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: of my imperfections, but it was the toughest thing to
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: say you beautiful, or you're likable, or you're cool, or
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: you're loved. I can say that to other people, but
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: dare not be able to say it to myself. But
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: God made me do that exercise in the mirror, and
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: by the time I got done to the end of
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: my list, he was like, I never want you to
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: say those things again, those things that had you bound,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: that have made you make some choices that you're having
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: to forgive yourself for. He was like, I need you
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: now to live in this truth that you are loved.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: And I stood in that mirror and I told myself
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: I loved myself for the first time. I think I
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: am thirty three telling myself I love me for the
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: first time, and in that moment, I was like, Okay.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: This is what love feels like.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: That is when I felt the love of God in
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: that moment. Jacob sleeping his I mean, I remember like
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: it was yesterday, Jacob sleep in his little Camaro bed.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: It's late at night.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I'm in the bathroom and I'm bawling because for the
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: first time I felt loved.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Nobody in the room but me and God.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: Because I had to tell myself something that I've never heard,
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: heard from others, but never from myself. And that is
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: something that I always make sure that people that I
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: run into always know, like, you are loved, and not
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: just by me, but by God.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: And if you're loved by God, then you have to
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: love yourself. You have to.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: That is why the enemy is so good at playing
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: tricks in our mind and in our heads, because he
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: wants us to believe the lie. And as long as
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: we believe it, we're in bondage. As long as we
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: believe it, we're not healed. As long as we believe it,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: it calls us that separation that'll keep us from trusting God.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: From living out our purpose to know that we're more.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, let me explain something to you. And I
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: tell this to Jacob all the time. I was like, brother,
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: if I can turn back the hands of time and
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: be thirteen, man, let me tell you the earth couldn't.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: Handle me if what I know now.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's why I always tell him up, never
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: looked down, always look up always. But he but God
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: had to teach me because he loves me, how to
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: walk and be confident the things that I lacked, it
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: was only because of broken cycles. You know what I'm
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: saying That God, through my own submission to want it
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: to be better, showed me truth and all of that
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: came through.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: That was just a part of that exercise. I love.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: I loved that.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: And so some of my people that's watching are here
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: from the seven figure podcast community, shout out to you guys.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: I teach there every Wednesday virtually.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: And one of the activities the Lord is bringing me
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: back to my rememberance. I was like, he dropped this
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: activity in my head to do for the for the community,
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: and so we don't do the activity. And it's it's
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: titled The Lie, the Truth, and the Resolve. I He's
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: given me this just I'm writing it down and literally,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: the Lord just told me, he said, you were able
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: to get that, get that revelation because you did it
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: with me. I didn't have a name for it or whatever,
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: but I never I didn't know where that come from.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: But before I was exposed to it, I.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: Couldn't deliver it to the people that I'm talking to
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: a podcast community. I ain't talking about the I ain't
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: saying the Lord, the Lord, the Lord. I ain't saying
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: the Lord, the Holy Spirit. And I'm not saying that
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: even though they know I'm a woman of faith. But
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, like, okay, right down the line, then writing
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: down the troop about the lie, but next to it,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: and then you got to have the resolve that the
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: Lord told me that the resolve manages the truth. So
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: how would I go forward now that I know I
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: love it. It's like the resolve is scripture, so you
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: can come to the biblical truth. You get what I'm saying, Yeah,
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: And that is why God is always let me tell
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: you something, His words always evolving, because as seasons change,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: we begin to see his word differently, which also means
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: we begin to live his word. Out differently as well.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: And one of the things that I'm just so grateful
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: for is when God gives me revelation on something, he
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: always sends a scripture to be able to accompany it.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: And I may not can tell you what book, I
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: may not can tell you a verse, or I may
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: can't even tell you the context of it, but He
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: always sends that to me to be able to be
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: like And this is why I say this, or this
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: is why you know what I'm saying.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: I showed you this. I love.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: The resolve is the word of God, point blank period.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: You want to know the truth, open it up, That
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: is what I mean. It magnifies even more my relationship
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: with God. When I am now lamenting, it's different. Why
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: because I'm safe, you know what I'm saying. When I'm
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: not my best, I know I'm safe. Why because I'm
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: even more in His word. You know what I'm saying.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: I'm allowing myself to even pray or to worship in
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: that space just so I can just feel.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: Him, you know.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: And that's what sometimes people also kind of forget about
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: as well, is that as we're seeking truth and as
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: we're depending and trusting in Him, it's like those other
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: things that come along with it that involve us. Like
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: as I'm waiting for him to move, that means but
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: I also have work to do, you know what I'm saying,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: Like I can't just be sitting around waiting on God
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: to drop this promise in my lap and I'm just
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: sitting here not doing anything. I gotta do the work,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. I still got to I
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: still gotta get up and give him some time. I
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: still gotta worship, I still gotta still I'm still on assignment,
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: I'm still doing stuff. So I'm always being very very
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: clear with myself when it comes to that. Y'all know
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: that phrase. Me myself and I, Me myself and I.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: We have a lot of conversations, you know what I'm saying,
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: because we're steering each other and make it sure that
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: we're staying on the right path.
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: And I'm always being very clear of that. You know
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: my feelings.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: I know I know my assignment and my responsibility, but
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: I also know my relationship, and that for me is
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: what anchors you know what I'm saying. What anchors me
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: is this process that you're talking about and referring to
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: the would you identify as the idea of peeling back
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: the Onion. Oh, now you're going to go to the
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: effect absolutely has tad. That's one of her favorite books.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: Like she read read it like several times, told Bishop,
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: you could just send me to go do the conference.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: I got you. Yeah, it is.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Peeling back the Onion is very one of the greatest
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: lessons that God taught me through that book because in
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: order for me to be as free as I am
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: is that I had to deal with some things layer
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: by layer. And it was some ugly truths that was
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: coming through that process as well. But because I allowed
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: that to happen, I was able to also see the
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: beautiful truth and that's me And we sometimes can allow
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: life in the mishaps of it to make us forget
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: about how beautiful it is, even when it's hard, even
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: when it's uncomfortable, even when it's disappointing. And so me
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: doing I factor people factor. I know that it's a
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: part I know without a doubt it's a part of
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: my growth. Also with freedom groups as well, because we're
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: talking about when you and I first met, that was
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: that developing process.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I had to.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: Get rid of a lot of old, a lot of
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: Oh Jesus Lord, I'm a lot old, But I'm grateful
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: for it because without deciding to do the work jest,
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: then you'll still be living those cycles.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: And I knew without a doubt.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: That there's some generational curses that needed to die with me,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like it needs to end
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: with me when I submit, When I made the decision
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: to even go to therapy, I'm like, I am putting
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: a stop to a lot of the things that I
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: am seeing move around my family. And I'm going to
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: be intentional of making sure what they said, the buck
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: stops here, yeah, and it does.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: So then I can be able to when Jacob begins
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: to which he already has encounter those things, I can
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: be able from a healthy space tell him how to
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: navigate those so he won't be picking up you know
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, any old generational habits. And you put
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: a target on your back when you make that declaration like, oh,
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: it stops with me. Oh, I went so, well you did,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: because and that's why some people don't like to open
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: their mouth and talk about it, because we immediately get
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: afraid of and now here comes to warfare, me telling
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: you yes to come on here. I said, yes, the warfare,
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: me going doing certain assignments. That's warfare. Why I know
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: because wherever I'm present, that means Holy Spirit is about
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: to take over this space and God is about to
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: move and I got to stay focused on those things
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: so I won't abort what I need and what someone
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: else connected to me needs.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: So yeah, it does put.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: A target on your back, and I'm constantly reminded of that.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: But that's the human nature of it too, because as
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: you began to do more of it, you're like, Okay,
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: that's supposed to happen. Oh, it's supposed to go down
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: that way. You're supposed to be expecting some turbulence. You're
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: supposed to expect a couple of curve balls being thrown.
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: Why.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: I mean, because we're on assignment. We said yes to God.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: We are Jesus disciples. Of course we're going to have
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: to endure some things and endurance and perseverance. It's not
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: always something that we want to hear because all we
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: want to hear about is, oh, the promise, the problem,
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: you're here, did this and that the third, But we
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: don't ever want to talk about how to endure the storm,
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: or how to be patient when you're waiting, or how
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: to be hey, not have all the answers but still
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: trust God. And I'm like, I'm very much so over
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: the hallelujah shouting messages, and I'm very much so leaning
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: in on how you're gonna tell me how to deal
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: with when my money is funny and I'm tired. Come on,
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: I need you to be able to show me how
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: to still be able to trust God and the person
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: that I voted for I ain't in office, Like we
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: need to start talking about stuff like that.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: I don't really okay. I know the promise.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: I know, I got you thousand stars, lots of land. Great,
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: but life is lifing, and it's moments like that when
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: we have to be taught that when it is happening,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: what to do when it is happening, how to keep
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: the faith when it is happening. What do you got
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: to you know, lift your hands up praying? Sis, don't
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: feel like praying? I know, girl, come on, I feel you.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: I ain't feel like praying either the other day, but
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: I put on that worship song that I know that's
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: gonna break me down and I got exactly what I needed.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: So sometimes you got to have those real conversations. And
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: I know that that is definitely like a part of
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: who God made me to be when it comes to
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: being able to say that and say that unapologetically, like Okay, yeah,
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: it's gonna it's not gonna be cute at all. It's
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: not gonna feel good at all. You're not gonna be
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: liked with that sis, but it's okay because you got
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: to be able to lean into the Father.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: Who gave you, gave it to you, gave you the gift,
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: gave you.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: The talent, gave you the assignment you're going after the goal,
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: like stay focused on that. And I know without a
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: shadow of doubt that once we began to really equip
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: people with truth and not just spewing out about the
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: good stuff that's gonna be happening, then that's when we're
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: really going to be winning people to Christ, not just
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: off of the promises, but also how to be able
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: to do the things that Peter and Paul talked about
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: in the New Testament, how we got to endure, how
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: we're going to have to stay focused on here, how
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: we're gonna have to pray and fast and lay on
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: our face like all of those stuff are very those
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: things are very, very important, and I've had to use
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: them in this season in my life that I that
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: I feel that has been going on long and then
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: I wanted to yeah, but he's like, yep, but I
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: need you to. I need you to endure this. I
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: need you to get through it. I'm telling you, James, Yeah, James.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: Chapter five and first Peter chapter one is what I've
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: been leaning into because it talks about those things even
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: in the midst of all of it. It's like, you
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: gotta you gotta persevere, and it's well, it's gonna be well,
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: it's gonna be fine. And I don't know if we're
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: going off topic, but that that, for me, is what
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: I'm making sure that I'm sharing with people, because there's
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: some people that's going through some some crazy stuff right
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: now in life, and it's off of some decisions that
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: they've made and they need to be reminded that it's okay,
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: that they're okay. But we can't do that if we're
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: only sharing one part. And I think I think that
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: is the important part, because what's missing and what have
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: been missed for me, like I lived in perfection, probably
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: longer than I needed to, because I believe the lie
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: that living giving God my yiess would look like I didn't.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: I didn't have flaws, I didn't have the thrown in
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: my flesh. I didn't have I didn't have still feelings
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: of like I couldn't do it. Like I didn't I
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: thought that things would be so much better, quicker. And
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: even going back to the idea of pelling back, the
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: layer is peeling back the layer of being developed in
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: the Christian in the Christian realm, like in the Kingdom, Like, yeah,
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: I got to refigure myself out because.
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sin got me ignorant to who I am.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: Like if we just sin because of sin, I ignorant
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: to who I am in the Kingdom. And now I'm
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: peeling back and I'm like, oh, I'm saying sin out
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: the sin it is because that layer is being pulled
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: back and not watch this, you said something so good
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: that's bringing this up. It's not just my sin, hello,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: it's familiar spirits what and the sins that my family
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: have digested that I didn't even know was part of
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: the set family. Because y'all negroes want to keep stuff secret,
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: like y'all want to live in secret and not, No,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: I got to tell my children.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: Ain't no way what I've experienced that they got to
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: go through because I kept quiet.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: I wanted to keep a secret.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: And I'm finding out I got cousins because Grandaddy got
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: a hold on the family.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: What you're talking about, what listen, don't do here, Come
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: on with it now. And I love my folks, I
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: love my pobsolutely. They ain't got nothing to do with it.
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying is we called him secrets and now
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: I'm living and saying because you didn't revealed to me
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: that I could have came against this, I'm just no.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, I love that because that speaks to how
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Jacob and I have conversations. Me and this kid been
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: real with each other since even in the world. You
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, We didn't. I didn't do the
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: Google goy got with him. It was you know, loving
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: on him and all that stuff. But one of the
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: things I made very clear is that I shared with
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: him on his level things that he may encounter and
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: what to look for, just because at his age I
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: experienced some things and you know, kids are experiencing things
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: a whole lots sooner than yeah, And at first he
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: didn't get it. But as he began to, you know,
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: go through school, there are certain conversations and things that
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: are brought up that he's like, Mom, you told me
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: about that. And so I was able to have this
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: kind of conversation you know what I'm saying, or I
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: was able to walk away from that, or even I'm
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: transparent about my mistakes. I'm very open with Jacob. Jacob
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: probably knows more about me like my mom. You know
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, because I've been like, Okay, I don't
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: want you to make this mistake.
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: And this is what I did, you know. I mean,
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: he asked me a question.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: I answered, I don't sugarcoat it, because this world isn't sugarcoating.
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: Our children at all.
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: And what I vowed to myself is that I was
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: not going to allow the world to grow my son up.
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: But as I'm honest with him, I'm also able to
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: show him like, but this is why I didn't get it,
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: or this is why I was doing this because I
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: didn't know myself. I knew of God, but I ain't
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: have no relationship with him like we began to just
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: develop some things amongst ourselves as a family that even
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: Courtney and I practice, you know where we all sit
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: down and have a conversation about Okay, so you tell
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: us free space, how you feeling, like, what are you
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: going through?
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: Never had that come on, came up in a strict Yeah,
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: most definitely like.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: You better not your feelings where Yeah, my mom became
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: my outlet because she was like my best friend, and
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: when I was grateful for that in that transition of
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: my life. But when you are raised in a restricted
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: household younger, that definitely didn't mirror in your adolescent years,
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: you like, wait a minute, you know I'm not restricted.
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: There's a clash with that.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: Like I became very confused with it, and I didn't
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: want to confuse Jacob. I want to be like, listen, no,
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: you can come talk to me like it's no hitting motives,
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: no hitting agenda. I wanted to make sure that whatever
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: space I created for him was a safe space so
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: he wouldn't go out there and make the mistakes that
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: I did going outside my home looking for something when
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: all in all it was right there for me. But
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: how am I expecting Jacob to know that I'm safe
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: without knowing that God is safe. You know what I'm saying,
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: Like I always tell him, like you mad, okay go,
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: I need you to go pray about it.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: That's so good, you know what I'm saying.
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: There's been moments in times we done prayed together and
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: it ain't been you know, we just had us a
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: little drag out. But I'm being intentional of making sure
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: that there's certain things that I carry that he doesn't
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: because I want to teach him ways to be better.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that you know what I'm saying.
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: So I am I'm grateful for as God continues to
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: evolve me that allows me to not just help others
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: do it, but it also allows me to help my son.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: That's so good. I don't want to run past something
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: that you said earlier. You just said that the relationship
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: between you and your mom got well in your adolescence,
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: But what I heard was maybe you didn't live with
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: her or what was your living situation in the earlier
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: childhood versus Yeah, so no, we all lived together, me,
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: my mom, my biological father, my sister. You know what
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. So that part of my life was different.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: But then when my mom met my dad. You know
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I was an adolescent, you know, teenager
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: going into high school, so you know, my biological father
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: and my dad. You know what I'm saying, it was different.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: I lived in one household and then of course you know,
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: lived in the other. So there was some balance that
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: came about when those transitions were made. And because of that,
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: you know, we all were able to you know, kind
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: of pick up our lives and begin to live them.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: Accordingly, I feel that once you get yourself out of
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: one situation, it goes back to the mistakes that I
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: made prior to my you know, me being with Courtney
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: is that you learn from them.
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: You you take the good and the bad right.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: And you allow your next to be greater. Why because
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: you've learned from that.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, people make mistakes, are not perfect, and
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: so what I had to do through my healing journey
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: is to take the beauty.
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: Out of all of that.
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: Like I tell people all the time, I have three
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: amazing families. I have my biological father's family, I have
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: my mom, and I have my dad. And a lot
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: of people can't say that they have three you know
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And all three of them have some
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: good and some bad because we're people and we're imperfect.
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: But it took healing Jess for me to be able
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: to have that perspective.
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: It took me knowing god fully to be able to
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: have that perspective because one of the things you have
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: to do is break the cycle of always seeing things broken.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: Wow, that hit. That hit different.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: When I began to have a better point of view,
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: I was able to see the blessings in everything, even
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: when it hurts, even when you're talked about, even when
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: you're pulled down, even when God's telling you to be
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: quiet and you can't fight and defend yourself, but you
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: see the beauty in everything.
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: Even in my mistakes.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: There's beauty in it because what we're gonna do, but
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: they told you where we're gonna learn from it. And
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: when we learn from it, that means when we do
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: it again, it's going to be better. And so yeah,
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: So my relationship with my mom, I mean, she's always
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: been my ag cool boone, but.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: There's there's beauty and healing. Yeah, and that's my girl.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: I absolutely like she is, Like she's my everything, you know,
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: so I'm grateful for her. Thank you for explaining it,
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: because something I was like, did I just hear her right? Like, okay,
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: one home, because it's like you'll think that, oh, your
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: maybe your mother wasn't there or anything like that. I
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: know with my mom, like my dad wanted custody of
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: me and my sister, and so that that dynamic of
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: me being raised by the woman that birthed me was
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: not my reality. And so I didn't want to assume
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: that that was the same thing for you because but
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: my mom, Like I was telling my mom this morning,
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: I was like, girl, I love you, girl, I love you, you
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: my everything, Like now that's my girl, because I appreciate
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: her from a point of oh, you was thirty three
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: years old and you was dealing with me as a child.
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I ain't got one child, I
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: got a dog. I got a dog and baby, baby baby.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: It's ghetto out here. It's ghetto, mama. I love you.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Listen, I might have thought one thing.
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: Now I understand. Oh, now you fully get it. Let
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: me tell you.
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: Debora Ann will tell you she is on speed out
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: of course because she's mom. But there's been countless times,
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: and I call it.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: Like, Mom, I love you so much, I'm so sorry
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: whatever I can, because Jacob gives me the business.
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: But but that's the beautiful part about it. And even
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: my biological father, like, I'm grateful for even him, because
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: there's so much he's taught me that I even see
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: me doing to this day again. And I'm grateful that
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: you allow me to clear it up because that's that's
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: a that's a touchy subject. Oh yeah, because of the
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: dynamics of my families. And you never want people to
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: get things misconstrued or feel like you're picking one over
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: the other. But nevertheless, when you began to heal and
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: see people the way God sees them, you begin to
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: love them where they are. I love I love my
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: biological father, I love my mom, and my dad is
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: you know here in the you know, in spirit. But
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: just grateful for all of it you have to give.
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: And that's one of the things I cherished because when
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: I went to counseling therapy for the first time, my
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: first day, I'm telling my therapist all of the things
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: that are happening in the present. I got done. She
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: looked at me, She's like, oh, that's nice. Okay, so
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: tell me about your childhood. I'm looking at her like,
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: what does it have to do with what.
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: I just said to you?
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, y'all Angie watching, I was mad at you.
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: Like why I need help with this?
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: And I gruntingly, you know, answered her. But I began
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: to see what she was doing because the choice that
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: I made in my first marriage was based off of
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: the things from my childhood, and.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: We needed to deal with that.
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: You talking about peeling back the honey, I was peeling
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: back the onion before the I factor.
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I needed to deal with that.
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: I need to deal with.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: The core things with little Tamika in order for adult
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: Tmika to be who she is today. And I'm grateful
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: for that because once I started doing that, I began
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: to see things real clear, like wow, so that is
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: why I made that decision, or that's why I made
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: that move, or that's why I was in relationship with
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: that person because I'm trying to compensate or I'm trying
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: to make up for I'm trying to replace, And in
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: all actuality, God was like, you can't replace me with man.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: Only I can feel that only I can do that.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm grateful, you know, for that nudge, because
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: God's actually who sent me to therapy braying one day,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: come on in my mess, come on as somebody I'm
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: talking about told it from the floor a miss and
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: I told God, I'm tired of being.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: Here, and he was like, good therapy, and I'm like therapy.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: But because you know, the believers don't believe, believe, don't
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: believe the.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: Especially, I just call on Jesus call the blood brand.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: The folks do that at your church. The blood, the blood,
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: the blood all all day. Yeah, Like no, I was,
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: I mean all of it. No, it wasn't.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: It wasn't no tarian, it wasn't no devotion. It was
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: God met me in my drunkenness, miss y'all want to
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: get real, okay, and was like, no, you need to
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: deal with this and how you're gonna deal with this,
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: How I'm going to help save you? Is this right here?
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: Therapy and mc millan, she retired. I love you, girl,
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: all I told her. I told like I made it
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: about everywhere I go. I'm always acknowledge her because that's
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: the first person that God used, wow to reintroduce himself
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: to me.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: That's so good. Not somebody in the church. She was.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: She's a believer, she's a Christian based therapist. But that
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: is where I had my first encounter first, That's what
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: I think I was twenty eight, twenty nine. Yeah, like, okay,
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: come on, we gotta do some work. And I'm grateful
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: for her because in that space, I began to uncover
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: some things that have been lost in.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: The creation of life. That's so good.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: So yeah, you're talking about reintroducing yourself. God had to
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: reintroduce himself to me.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: Awesome.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: Listen, I feel like we can talk about your story
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: all day, but there's one thing I want to clear up.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: Let's clear it up.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: I want to clear up because I heard you say it,
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: and I think my audience is asking, what is that
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: soap devotional? I learned that at the worship center. That's baby.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: That soap devotional hit different you hear me? So can
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: you explain what that is and the benefits of it?
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, So it.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: Stands for a scripture, observation, application and prayer, and so
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: each day we're giving specific readings out of the Bible
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: Old Testament, New Testament, and each day, depending on what
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: your readings are you'll just dive into God's word and
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: so you'll whatever scripture that is pulling you. And I
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: want to go and give you a disclaim. All of
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: them may be pulling you. You know what I'm saying.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: But and if so, I told people all the time,
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: get you a journal, find you that scripture that is
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: pulling on you, You observe it what's.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: Happening in scripture.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: You find out how to apply that scripture to your life.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: And then once you do that, you cover yourself in
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: prayer pertaining to that scripture. And I can tell you
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: without a shadow of a doubt, it is a.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: Life saving Why is it life saving?
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: The reason why life saving is because life life's every
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: day and we don't always wake up on the right side,
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: on the right side of the bed right. And it's
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: been through my Soak devotional, whether I dated in the morning, afternoon,
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: or evening, God has always answered me in that moment.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: There's not been a time where God has not given
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: me something pertaining to what I am dealing with in
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: that moment and also what He's preparing me for.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: And so I'm.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: Always grateful for Solk devotional because that came you know
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: out of TWC, didn't know that practice, knew nothing about it.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: But because of that, that is something that is my lifeline.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: Man, you I gotta agree with you on that.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: And I'm gonna look at y'all when I say this,
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: because I'm so glad that the Lord told me. He
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: was like, man, you need to ask her about that,
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: because soap devotional really changes your life, because soap devotional
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: shows you you and even at the moment that you're in.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: I was in an abusive relationship when I started soap devotional.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: I was an abusive relationship. When I was at TWC.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: I was in an abusive relationship trying to figure out
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: who I was with God.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: And guess what, I'm no longer there.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: And it was those moments of me trying to those
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: moments where I was trying to seek out God and
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: I used the tools my church gave me.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: At the TWC was such a pinnacle point in my
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: life because I didn't I didn't have tools, like I.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: Knew who God was or whatever.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: I'm a preacher's kid, Like were talking to me right now,
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: like I'm a preacher's kid, I know.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: Who Jesus something that he rolls up and through that.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: I know all of that, I know all the slag,
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: but I did not know the relationship it took to
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: be with God, like to call myself a believer, to
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: call myself a follow of Jesus Christ. And the first
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: step was building a relationship. So I can't hear God
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: because I don't even know who he is.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: God.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: I don't even I don't understand the Bible. I would
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: tell my dad all the time, I don't understand the Bible.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: He was trying to promote the Bible to me, like, it's.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 2: A big soap proper. You like soap probers, you like
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: general hospital. That it was not.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: Ment it's a good marriage. Yes. So why I'm glad
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: God brought that up now is because sometimes it's not
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: that you're not wanting the right things, is that you're not.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: Understanding the tools to you to get where you want
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: to be.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: And so soap devotional is a good avenue to take
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: and learning God. More so. Soap the Vulture can be
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: just one verse. You can take that verse and you
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: can say, okay, what is this verse? I'm what am
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: I observing in this verse? What is sticking out to me.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: It could be one word, right, Okay, how can I
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: apply this one word to my life? What's the definition
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: of it? How what's some examples of it? I'm feasting.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: That's what it means to feast on the word day
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: and night, because it can be the same one word.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: And then now I can pray into this word because
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: now I'm sealing it.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: Thank you Lord. Now I'm sealing this thing well, not.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: Only that you only spirit, not only with what I
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: received from the word, but now I'm in communication about
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: what the word I just got. So now I'm sealing
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: it with my belief. Now I'm sealing it. That's what
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: soap devotionals do. I was in miss doing soap devotionals
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: and doing stuff like this, being in relationship, having small groups.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: Thank you t WC. Like I really have to say,
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: like I got to get bishop on here.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know how I'm gonna get it.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: I got to get here because you know, I'm a
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: type of email.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: Song because that that space is where I learned who
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: God was for me. And so using tools like the
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: Soak devotional ninety day, tath tithe and.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: Recommitted myself to tithe. It like churches. Y'all got to.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: Give folks tools. Man, y'all got to make it plain.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: It's simple because we not getting folks not getting it. No, no,
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: especially if we are not giving it to them, how
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: do you expect them to. One of the things that
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: I also gotta chime in on when you start talking
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: about so devotional, is that if the word may be
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: for us in that season, but God may bring it
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: back when it's for somebody else in the next. Like
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: I can't sit up here and pour into you if
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: I don't know the word. I'm only speaking from experience.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: But also let me tell you what the word says. Again,
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: you may not be able to quote the scripture in
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: that moment in time, but you know it because it's
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: embedded in your heart. Meaning I can sit up here
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: and tell you about the promises and how to persevere
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: and how good God can love you in spite of
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: because I remember reading you know what Job has gone
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: through and as he is going through. Now I see
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: some similarities even in my own life. You know what
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: I'm saying or now I know the beauty in lamenting
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: Why because I embedded myself in limitations as we were
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: going through the soap devotional practices, so I got a
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: better understanding. So if you want to have more understanding
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: of God and his words, so devotional is the way
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: to go, because it's not just for you, it's for
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: other people. Yeah, because in order to communicate with people,
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: you got to be able to communicate the truth. Oh
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: come on, that's so that's going somewhere else for me.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: You got to communicate the truth. Okay, really back in
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: because I tell.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 2: You all, she takes me to a place and you
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: take each other to apply. This has been so good.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: I know where we at because we can there's already
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: your thoughts.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: I think I just heard this whole.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: The whole storyline is just really about the grace to.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 2: Be content with where you are in that season. You
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. Like we're journeying along, you know,
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: or not perfect. You know what I'm saying.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: God is taking us somewhere, but we have to be
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: open and okay with the season that we're in, not
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: knowing that, knowing that you know storms are gonna come,
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: but what storms do they pass?
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: Right? Come on?
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: So it's capturing in that moment in that season what
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: God is trying to do so that when you make
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: it to the next one, you can you can recognize it,
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: because otherwise you just think the storm looks the same,
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: but it's really it's really not, you know. So that's
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: all I just kept hearing. It's just the grace to
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: be content in the in the season that you're in
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: because we're journeying along. So this has been a beautiful
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: conversation to witness. That's so, that's so good. That's so good, Yo,
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: to be good. You already know when I started knocking.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: I need you to ancel the door. I need you
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: to anle the door. But I'm gonna give you an opportunity.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: One of the things I like, I like my guests
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: to do is just have the final word.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: And so there we we.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: I went through this whole journey, and we didn't hear
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: anything that you said. What is the last thing? Like?
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: You want to make sure you put a pin in
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: it that you're loved, and because that you're loved, there's
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: purpose for you. I don't care where you see yourself.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: I don't care what people have said about you. I
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: don't care about the mistakes that you've made. I don't care.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: What I care about is that you know that you
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: have an opportunity to start over again, Like there's a
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: reset button that we hit every morning when we wake up,
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: and that's grace and mercy that greets us each day.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: And you are looking at somebody who accepts God's grace
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: and it's taking it to consideration that I have another
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: chance and another opportunity to be able to make God proud.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: And I want you to know you're yes to Him today.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 2: You are allowing Jesus into your heart if you don't
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: know him.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: It will allow you to be able to see life differently.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to focus on what people have
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: said about you or what you said about yourself. I
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: want you to start seeing yourself the way God sees you.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: How does he see you as his child from a
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: parent to another parent. God loves you, and I don't
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: want you to forget that. I don't want you to
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: forget how loved you are. I want you to start
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: transforming your mind on how you see yourself and how
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: you see your life, because whether you know it or not,
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: purpose is connected to it.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: Amen. Amen, she just got a call like she's just
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: so called. I love it. I love it to Meika,
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: thank you. I love you so much. I love you,
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: I love you. That's Y're my partner.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: That just a community. Thank you again for tuning in
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: to this week's episode, But until next week, remember life
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: could be much more simple if you.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 2: Just ask.
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode. Since
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: you've made it this far, you might as well connect
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 1: with us on all social media platforms at the Jessica S.
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: Smith.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: I know I won't see you back until next week,
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: but until then, remember to love always yourself and always
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: say thank God.
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 3: For one another day. Hey, hey, I know we could
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 3: be another way. Hey, pray thank God for another day.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 3: Hey hey, I'm just thankfu for another day. Hey hey
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 3: another day? Oh, another day wise, another day to get
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 3: it right, another day that rise up, another day living,
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 3: another day. We loved ones. I always remember hold it
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 3: down for a ball, one yo