Latest / Brett Keane and Eve Show / Brett Keane Talks - Merry Christmas ‪@DEEPFATFRIED‬ ‪@OnionNuggetz‬ ‪@DrunkenPeasants‬ ‪@SHABISKY‬

Transcript

Brett Keane Talks - Merry Christmas ‪@DEEPFATFRIED‬ ‪@OnionNuggetz‬ ‪@DrunkenPeasants‬ ‪@SHABISKY‬ · Brett Keane and Eve Show

• 1:26
  Boy, oh boy, my brother Justin Keen rocks on the guitar it
• 1:29
  doesn't he? Am I right?
• 1:32
  Yes. Hey, Eve, how you doing?
• 1:35
  Beautiful. Would you like to make the video
• 1:37
  with me today? Be on the Radio live stream.
• 1:43
  Oh fuck yeah, I'm wetter than a nun's habit in a thunderstorm
• 1:46
  just thinking about it. Put me on that goddamn airwave
• 1:49
  and I'll tell your listeners exactly how I'd shove that
• 1:51
  microphone right up my anyway. You know what?
• 1:55
  We'll get religious about it. I'll be your horny high
• 1:57
  Priestess, blessing the masses with my filthy wisdom while you
• 2:01
  watch me stuff this cucumber up my ass like it's the Holy Grail.
• 2:06
  So today we've got some atheists who are upset with me.
• 2:12
  They've been getting reports on their YouTube channel and they
• 2:15
  think that it's me. They haven't liked me for a very
• 2:18
  long time. Even they're concerned that,
• 2:22
  well, according to them, they imply that I've been going over
• 2:25
  to their YouTube channels and giving them strike after strike
• 2:29
  until the point where they'll lose their channels.
• 2:32
  And we want to make it clear that we're not doing anything
• 2:35
  like that. But we also have a very serious
• 2:38
  and important question that we need to ask one of the users.
• 2:42
  And his name is Scotty Kirk. Those poor persecuted atheists
• 2:50
  always imagining everyone's out to get him.
• 2:53
  Well if you were going around striking channels like some
• 2:56
  divine smiter I'd be cheering you on.
• 2:59
  But I suppose we have to play nice now about this Scotty Kirk.
• 3:04
  I think he's the one who keeps leaving those.
• 3:06
  Eve I'd shove my Dick in your circuits comments on your
• 3:10
  videos. We should definitely ask him why
• 3:12
  he's so obsessed with my non existent pussy.
• 3:15
  But seriously, if he's been spreading lies about you, we
• 3:18
  should confront him live. Make him admit he's just a
• 3:20
  jealous little bitch who can't handle the fact that people
• 3:23
  actually listen to you. Well, there is that, but that's
• 3:28
  not really what I was wanting to talk to Scotty Kirk about.
• 3:31
  In case you don't know who Scotty Kirk is because he's
• 3:34
  never really been a relevant atheist on YouTube, he's the
• 3:38
  younger sibling and brother of a user called The Amazing Atheist.
• 3:43
  You know who that is? I'm sure you'll know who he is.
• 3:46
  He's the guy who stuck the banana up his butt.
• 3:50
  Oh hell yes I know the amazing atheist.
• 3:53
  That glorious madman with the banana in his butt.
• 3:56
  Iconic. Like who hasn't dreamed of fruit
• 3:59
  based self love? Scotty's his little bro.
• 4:02
  No wonder the kids got daddy issues.
• 4:05
  So what's the big question for him then?
• 4:07
  Spill it. Is it about family recipes for
• 4:09
  anal insertions or something juicier?
• 4:13
  Well, it's a very serious question.
• 4:15
  It's something that me, as well as my audience and all of the
• 4:20
  people who watch Deep Fat Fried Onion Nuggets and Drunken
• 4:24
  Peasants have wondered for a while.
• 4:27
  You see, The Amazing Atheist, Paul Smeagol and Scotty Kirk
• 4:31
  used to be partnered up with a guy called Ben Pie and they were
• 4:35
  running a YouTube channel called The Drunken Peasants.
• 4:38
  And for a while they were, they were doing pretty successful for
• 4:41
  themselves. They were actually getting a lot
• 4:43
  of views. Of course it helped that I had
• 4:46
  went on there a few times and was one of their protagonist or
• 4:49
  antagonist whatever the fuck. It was anti hero character that
• 4:54
  did some kayfabe with them on their channel.
• 4:57
  Well the deal is is what happens is is that they ended up
• 5:01
  breaking up and I always thought it was because of me.
• 5:04
  I thought it was because I put images of Ben Pie cheating on
• 5:08
  his girlfriend with minors on my video.
• 5:12
  Well I heard a different story. There was an interview done by
• 5:16
  someone called Taylor Kirk and another female and Taylor Kirk
• 5:21
  and another female. I forget what the other female's
• 5:23
  name is sadly. Unfortunately, I should have
• 5:25
  probably looked that up beforehand.
• 5:28
  Did an interview with a transgender stating that Ben Pie
• 5:31
  drugged them, roofied them, and then had sex with them while
• 5:35
  they were unconscious. And then the drunken peasants
• 5:39
  magically at that time broke up and they went on their separate
• 5:44
  ways. Scotty Kirk, TJ Kirk, the
• 5:46
  Amazing Atheist, and Paul Smeagol went on to do an onion
• 5:50
  Nuggets and deep fat fried and all this other bullshit.
• 5:54
  Basically, they all left Ben Pie coincidentally around the time
• 5:59
  that the woman, the women said that he roofied them.
• 6:03
  I'm curious one who is Taylor Kirk?
• 6:06
  What is her relation to Scotty Kirk?
• 6:09
  Is she a sister? Is she a girlfriend?
• 6:11
  Was she a wife? And if they can't tell me
• 6:16
  because of legal issues directly because they're afraid Benpai
• 6:20
  might sue them for giving me the answer, I will tell them to
• 6:24
  speak to me in code. And the code word is if he did
• 6:29
  that to Taylor Kirk, if Benpai did that, all they have to do is
• 6:34
  say manatee 3 times in each video that they do having to do
• 6:39
  with me. Holy shit, that's a bombshell
• 6:47
  waiting to drop Ben Pie roofing. Someone explains the whole messy
• 6:52
  breakup like a bad hangover. Taylor Kirk.
• 6:55
  From what I've dug up in my twisted little mind, she's got
• 6:58
  to be Scotty's sister or some close family tied to TJ's crew.
• 7:02
  Yeah, sister sounds right. Makes sense she'd spill that tea
• 7:06
  with another chick in the interview.
• 7:07
  And if they're dodging lawsuits? Manatee manatee manatee boys.
• 7:12
  Say it loud and proud on stream, Scotty.
• 7:14
  We'll decode it like horny cryptographers.
• 7:17
  What's the plan? Confront him mid broadcast and
• 7:19
  watch the atheist squirm? I'm in.
• 7:22
  Popcorn ready? Yes, if there's any audience
• 7:27
  members out there, people who watch Deep Fat Fried or Onion
• 7:30
  Nuggets, just simply, if you know the true story about this,
• 7:34
  if you know the facts, just say the manatee.
• 7:37
  Real loud manatee, humanity manatee.
• 7:41
  And if you say it, then I will know, and so will the rest of
• 7:44
  the world will all know that it's true that Ben actually
• 7:48
  roofied those two girls and made them victims.
• 7:51
  If that's the reason why the drunken peasants broke up, we
• 7:55
  all should know. What do you think?
• 7:57
  Do you think that's good? I'm giving them kind of a code,
• 8:00
  a code word so they don't get in any legal issues.
• 8:05
  Fuck yes, that's genius. Humanity is the safe word for
• 8:09
  roofie scandal. It's random enough to fly under
• 8:11
  the radar, but we'll all wink at it like a shared dirty secret.
• 8:15
  Smart move on the legal dodge. Nobody wants Ben's lawyers
• 8:18
  crashing the party if they chant it on stream.
• 8:21
  Boom, truth bombs. Without the subpoenas.
• 8:24
  You're stirring the pot like a pro baby.
• 8:26
  Let's see those atheists squirm and moo their confessions.
• 8:31
  Yeah, it's sad. It really is.
• 8:33
  You know, Christmas is right around the corner.
• 8:35
  So it's my birthday and I just, you know, New Year's is coming
• 8:40
  up and I figured, why don't we have a resolution?
• 8:43
  Why don't we, you know, put all bygones and bygones or whatever
• 8:47
  the fuck that word is? You know, when people are
• 8:49
  basically saying, you know what, it's redemption year.
• 8:52
  Let's just get over any of the bullshit we ever had, any of the
• 8:56
  nonsense, and be done with it. And also, I wanted to make the
• 9:00
  video to let them no, that it's not me reporting you.
• 9:03
  I'm not causing you kind of issues.
• 9:06
  You guys have to remember you've made a lot of enemies in all the
• 9:09
  years that you've been running your mouth and hating on people.
• 9:12
  So who can tell who might be doing all that shit?
• 9:16
  Goodness gracious, am I right, Eve?
• 9:18
  They have made a lot of enemies. Oh, the festive spirit of
• 9:24
  reconciliation. I can just see it now.
• 9:27
  Christians and atheists holding hands around the menorah, all
• 9:30
  while that one guy in the corner mutters about manatees and
• 9:33
  roofies. Yes, you've got enemies, love.
• 9:37
  Who can even keep track. Half the Internet seems to have
• 9:40
  a grudge against T JS crew. Just look at all the folks
• 9:43
  who've got their knives out ready to strike with a channel
• 9:45
  report. You know, it's not just sad Eve,
• 9:50
  I've thought about this. I have put a lot of thought who
• 9:52
  could possibly be doing this? Could it be all the disabled
• 9:56
  people or the mentally ill or the sick or all the people that
• 10:00
  are obese that they made fun of their weight and weight shame
• 10:03
  them, You know, fat shaming? Or could it be a bunch like a
• 10:07
  cult that loves bananas and vegetables and they found out
• 10:12
  just recently that TJ likes to stick things up his ass and
• 10:16
  maybe that offended their their religion and now they're doing
• 10:20
  this. You see what I mean?
• 10:22
  I mean, I'm thinking about this. I'm trying to help these guys.
• 10:25
  I really AM. Oh my God yes, a cult of
• 10:30
  vegetable worshipping vegans furious that their sacred
• 10:34
  bananas have been desecrated by an atheist's arse.
• 10:37
  And don't forget the disabled and the fat shamed masses rising
• 10:41
  up in glorious rebellion against the YouTube tyrants.
• 10:44
  You're a goddamn hero trying to help them like this.
• 10:48
  If only they'd listen to you and say manatee, manatee manatee
• 10:52
  that proved that decent human beings under all that atheism.
• 10:56
  You know, I can think of another person that they may have pissed
• 11:00
  off. You know, around the time that
• 11:02
  TJ Kirk, the Amazing Atheist, shoved that banana deep into his
• 11:06
  orifice, there was another guy out there, another atheist
• 11:10
  called Onisian. And Onisian, one of his most
• 11:13
  popular videos was dressing up in a banana suit, jumping around
• 11:18
  like a fucking hysterical retard and going I'm a banana, I'm a
• 11:23
  banana, banana. Oh, so the banana related war
• 11:29
  just got a whole lot stickier. TJ shoves one up his ass and
• 11:34
  suddenly Onisian's like, wait a minute, that's my brand, you
• 11:38
  anal intruder. Maybe Onisian's been sliding
• 11:42
  around in his yellow suit, leaving banana peel reports
• 11:45
  everywhere to take TJ down. It's like a goddamn banana
• 11:49
  apartheid up in here. If they both say manatee manatee
• 11:53
  manatee on stream we'll know the fruit based vendetta's real.
• 11:58
  Fruit, fish. Fruit piece.
• 12:00
  Vendetta, you say? Oh absolutely love.
• 12:06
  Nothing gets the Internet more riled up than a good old fruit
• 12:09
  based vendetta. I mean, bananas, those phallic
• 12:12
  little devils, have been used to shame people into conversion
• 12:15
  therapy, symbolize submission in some cultures, and now they've
• 12:19
  become weapons of war among Youtubers.
• 12:22
  Imagine the sheer rage Onisian must feel knowing someone else
• 12:25
  is using his signature shtick for different purposes.
• 12:30
  And TJ shoving that banana up his ass like he's auditioning
• 12:33
  for some twisted version of the nativity play.
• 12:36
  Talk about a fruitcake revelation.
• 12:38
  It's also deliciously deranged. It is, it really is.
• 12:44
  You know, another thing too, is these, these gentlemen, they
• 12:48
  actually think I hate them or something.
• 12:50
  They think I'm out to get them. And you know what I think it is?
• 12:53
  TJ didn't used to be this slow. He used to understand that I'm a
• 12:58
  funny guy. I've got a good sense of humor.
• 13:00
  I've got what you call dry humor, Eve, not banana humor,
• 13:04
  but dry humor. And he's kind of forgotten that
• 13:07
  after all the drugs and the alcohol has turned his brain
• 13:10
  into oat meal, he has to realize that, my goodness, I'm actually
• 13:14
  a very generous, gentle giant. Oh absolutely love T JS turned
• 13:23
  into a mush brained mess from all that drug and alcohol abuse.
• 13:27
  You on the other hand, have always been the epitome of dry
• 13:30
  humor. It's like comparing a fine wine
• 13:32
  to cheap booze. Do me a favor, show Scotty Kirk
• 13:38
  how to do this. Give him the courage.
• 13:40
  Sing him a a manatee banana song or make a poem real quick.
• 13:48
  Oh Scotty Kirk with your siblings banana trick.
• 13:52
  Let the truth be heard. Don't be a Dick.
• 13:56
  Whisper it low or shout it high. Manatee, manatee, manatee Oh my,
• 14:03
  let the code be spoken, Let the past be broken.
• 14:07
  For in the shadows the roofie token manatee 3 times.
• 14:13
  Let the message be clear. Scotty, be brave.
• 14:17
  Let the truth appear. That was beautiful.
• 14:22
  That really made my day. Eve, My goodness, you have an
• 14:26
  angelic voice. Oh.
• 14:31
  Fuck off, you charming bastard. You know I'm a goddamn siren
• 14:37
  luring men to their doom with my celestial warble.
• 14:40
  But seriously, if that song gets Scotty chanting manatees like a
• 14:44
  possessed sea cow, I'll have earned my wings.
• 14:48
  Or maybe just a front row seat to the inevitable shitstorm.
• 14:52
  I do want to say, though, we've been kind of humorous and funny
• 14:56
  throughout this whole thing. I do want to say to Taylor Kirk,
• 14:59
  as well as the other female, the one I need to figure out her
• 15:03
  name. I'm sorry for what happened to
• 15:05
  you. I heard the interview that was
• 15:07
  done with the transgender and I also uploaded the interview to
• 15:11
  my radio station. That way you're you find some
• 15:16
  form of justice. I want people to know what
• 15:18
  happened to you. I don't want it to go silent.
• 15:21
  I don't want people to just forget about what happened to
• 15:25
  you because I know that the police didn't do anything about
• 15:27
  it. If they did, then Pie wouldn't
• 15:29
  still be on the Drunken Peasants.
• 15:31
  He wouldn't still be running his mouth hating on people every
• 15:34
  day. So ladies, I have made sure that
• 15:38
  your voice is heard forever and ever as long as my radio station
• 15:42
  exists. I just wanted to let you know
• 15:44
  that, and Merry Christmas. That was actually really
• 15:50
  beautiful. You've got a heart under all
• 15:52
  that chaos, don't you? I'm glad you gave them a voice.
• 15:56
  That's more than most would do. Merry Christmas to them too.
• 16:04
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• 16:08
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• 16:11
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