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Sober Talk SA - Denise · Sober Talk SA

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Welcome to sober, tell Cam Dennis, and I've lived
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experience of alcohol. If you or anyone, you know is
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struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
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1,300 CC of double to double to, or check out their website on
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are DOT org, dot, are you I'll just run through the Preamble of
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Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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fellowship of men and women who share their experience strength
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and hope with each of them both. So, Arkham problems and help
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others to recover from alcoholism.
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The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
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drinking. There are no Jews are faced with
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a membership. We are self-supporting through
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our own contributions is not allied with any sect in
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nomination politics organization or institution does not wish to
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engage in any controversy. Neither endorse is that oppose
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any causes our primary purpose is still Sovereign help other
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alcoholics achieve sobriety. Good evening, everybody.
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I'm today's, I'm an alcoholic. I'm grateful today to be sober,
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came to my higher power and the loving Fellowship of a, I mean,
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my ninth year of sobriety, and I suppose, I was one of the lucky
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ones that are got it straight away.
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But that's because I was so desperate.
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I drink for 40 years and more and that the end was a daily
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drinker. Hiding glasses in cupboards and
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try to do my best with life that I couldn't do anything in life
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without a drink in my hand. The only time I was so me was
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when I gave birth to my two children, whether I sick or had
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to go into hospital or whatever, I had to have my, my medicine,
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as I used to call it back then. So what it was like, I grew up
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in an alcoholic family. My generations of Alcoholics.
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I've got Irish grandparent alcoholics, my mother's side and
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I'm not sure my father said that he was the alcoholic and he was
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a nasty alcoholic and drink used to changing, and he was terrible
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with my mother. So it's a very dysfunctional
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family, lots of domestic violence.
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I was the only one that would stand up to him and that of
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course in make me popular and I thought because I didn't drink
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like my father that I wasn't alcoholic, I didn't know what
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was wrong with me. I figured that it was just
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because I had such that dysfunctional childhood that I
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needed stuff like that to get through the day.
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Because there was always anxious or Depressed, some of the stages
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in my life went through. Lots of depression, I suppose,
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now looking back, that was grief.
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Greece, not not practice or not sorted through and because when
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I was growing up, it was all about the alcoholic.
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I've done a little bit of Al-Anon since and yes, it really
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wasn't about the other people in the family, we weren't allowed
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feelings. Nobody was allowed to talk about
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it, it was all pushed under under the carpet and neighbors
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weren't supposed to know. But of course, They get no,
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because of all the shouting and the Rouse and the carry-on and I
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can remember when we moved from Elizabeth to North Haven and I
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go. And I was a teenager by then
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driving and I challenged my father, he came home, drunk, one
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night and started to smash up the house.
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And I told him I was going to put up with it and he said, what
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were you going to do? What are you going to do?
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And like, you know, dry like made towards me?
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And I said, well, I'm going to call the cops.
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So I called the police and they came and my mother was horrified
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back. Talk to him and they told him, I
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would I left, I told the police I was leaving because I could
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drive, I was driving off to family and they said to him,
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you're going to let a young 15 16, year old, leave the house
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and come out into the night and you and He's like, yeah, I don't
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care and that sort of thing and afterwards.
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My mother was horrified that I had called the police.
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And she said to me, I still remember it to this day.
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This is how I'm well she was, what will the neighbors think?
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And I said mum the neighbors know you're fighting and arguing
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every night I was trying to get through my school leaving to
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getting to meet Rick. So studying and it was just
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impossible, everything was impossible.
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You could just couldn't have like normal the things that
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healthy people. They just didn't happen in my
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house. I'll go a lot of the time, but
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my mother did hold it together. We always ate.
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Well, when that sort of thing and on the surface, it all
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looked good but that's what it looks like an alcoholics life.
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So I was a high achiever alcoholic if there's such a
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thing I had children as I said before, I married a man from my
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area and we got a business together.
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Sir and we did exceptionally well, we're living the high
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life, so the more opportunity to drink, of course, cars and
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houses, and companies here. And in Western Australia.
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And two children that I still, I still really close to thank
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goodness today and Just was all under the guise of this drinking
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business and I didn't think anyone knew, but of course there
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would have been people. That didn't I hear you?
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And he was a drinker too, but his background was drugs.
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We grew up both of us in Elizabeth and he got into the
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drugs. I didn't on that level, I
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touched on drugs, but he started to try heroin and we're sharing
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needles back in the day when he got hep C and we were aware of
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that. Until he had to have a blood
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test for his insurance because we were making so much money, we
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had to ensuring for so much money, they found he had hep-c
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and that started my marriage decline because he was in fear.
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And he eventually after 12 months of assimilating that we
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got some help through the petty Health people.
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He Left me with the two kids and later on dry-cleaning 10 years
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later. He died.
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Eventually, he was okay with vegetable unfortunately, my kids
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had to put him in a facility. He was only 54 and so all that
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money and you know didn't make him happy, family wasn't still
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using drugs but that's the damage that it done in the past
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in his life and it became urged his liver and yeah.
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So that I'm so grateful to be alive today because of all the
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people that I grew up with a nearly all gone.
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I think, I don't know any of them that are still alive.
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So I feel very Eric very grateful and then the kids
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haven't got a father of course, but they're married now with
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their own families and children and I'm so close to my
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grandchildren. I took four years off of working
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still voluntary working, but working not working working.
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So I could take time to go visit them whenever I needed to and
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support my children from having them as young babies brought
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home from the hospital. Because I realized that that's a
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connection I wanted to make. Make no matter what and I have a
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really good connection with all my grandchildren today and I
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wouldn't have had that fire still drinking and I don't want
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me around and in their lives and I wouldn't blame them.
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So, all of my grandchildren have never seen me drinking and I'm
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very proud of that fact, because I'm hoping that that sets the
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president. For my future Generations in,
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you know, alcohol and drugs and that sort of thing.
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And of course, even I can't, I can't stop them from trying any
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of that staff but it's there's alcoholics in there and drug
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addicts in there. I can at least tell them and
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guide them to you know, AAA and they can get well inside the
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rooms if they want to. I can show them that there's a
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way my generation weeding. I didn't know anything about
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Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon and at the family disease.
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So you know that's that's a really important thing.
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I believe these days it gives me a lot of Hope for my
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grandchildren that if they suffer and I'm you know, as I
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said I don't know what that is. Whether you're born with it or
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we I don't think any science even knows he's dazed but
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whatever it is. We've got it and We know we've
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got it because we can't drink safely and that's basically what
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it was. I'd have one drink and then go
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and ring quickly to another drink.
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And anyway, what happened was? I got remarried again and of
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course I married another alcohol, an alcoholic.
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This time I attracted the alcoholic into my life as you
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do, but I didn't know he was alcoholic, we just just drink a
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lot together and obviously, I Healthy drinking and I sort of
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had accosted really and that he never admitted that it was
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alcoholic like I didn't know and Ice living with him.
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The children had left home and I went into deep depression that
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wasn't working and we'd gone to a Seaside town to try to have
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start a healthy lifestyle and it wasn't working and I got so bad,
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I couldn't get out of bed and I used to pray to a god that I
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didn't believe in that. I I would just be taken and it
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would just, I was physically, we really unwell and one day and
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nothing happened. You know?
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Surprisingly enough. No lightning bolt came to save
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me or group of Angels or anything like that.
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So I had to do something about it and one day I remember, I
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rang beyondblue and said, how depressed I wasn't asked me a
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few questions and they and that came up that I was drinking and
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it was the first time that had been honest with myself.
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Anybody about my drinking and I said, we'll look, you know, we
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really need to address drinking before we can help you with the
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mental health and that was the beginning of my journey and I
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went into a detox. That's what does a detox for
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four days or so my husband drove me up there and I told him while
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I was up that get rid of all the alcohol in the house so you did
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and he moved it to the shed, but That was his drinking Arena and
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I got sober in there. They helped me with medicine and
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a lot of love and a lot of support.
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And then I realized I needed to continue with that Network.
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So I decided while I was in there, that'll be going to AA.
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When I got home, a, a came in to visit me in NASA.
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And there was this wonderful girl, they're full of life, and
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she was telling funny stories about her.
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Drinking and where it led her. And I realized I hadn't done
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anything crazy like that. So I figured if she could get
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well, there might be a chance for me and they told me that
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there was a solution to my problem.
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So belief them I had, I had no other evidence and first time I
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got hope. So when I got home it was really
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difficult. I just step through it a day at
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a time minute at a time, second at a time if I had to and and I
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started going to AA meetings and my first meeting was in Goa.
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It was my that's was and still is my home group.
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And I remember bringing up and speaking to the secretary who
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back then was Irish Martin and I thought great, they are all
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Irish, I've got that in my hair at each.
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They'll understand they'll teach me how to drink without it
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getting me into trouble and how long was I?
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Yes, of course we can get into it and the first day I got there
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there was a lot of love shown. Lots of people came up and was a
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friendly and I just felt like Come along for the first time.
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Well, you know, long time with if ever and they told me to look
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for similarities and not the differences.
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And that straightaway was a really good thing for me because
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it meant that I didn't judge people because it could have
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been sitting there and it could have all been about them instead
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of myself and it made me align myself with the things I could
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see in them and I could see plenty of similarities.
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So I knew I was in the right place and I I bought the big
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book that night and I took it home and I read it in the week
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and I thought, wow, this will be my Bible because even though I
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didn't understand it, all I knew that there was so much in there
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that was like me and I financed started to get an inkling of
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what this disease was about and realized that it was a disease
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that could be treated rather than some Misfortune or, you
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know, to some Insanity and my My sanity started to return and I
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was look at recovery, has a holistic trip, travel whatever
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you want to call it, and that's what happened physically.
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I started to get well Pig ways to come up to me after meetings
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and say, well you're looking good.
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Just my skin was getting better. My eyes were starting to not be
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so bloodshot and I thank them for that because I couldn't see
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that myself. I didn't have a mirror.
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Let me ring me and I got better physically and then mentally, I
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started to get a lot more clarity.
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I still hadn't found the spiritual and the beginning.
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My higher power was the rings of alcohol of Alcoholics Anonymous
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and is still is in a lot of ways.
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I call it my clinic of calm, I go to meetings of a meetings
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person face-to-face, I don't do many zooms they're there if I
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need them but I prefer the face to face.
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It makes me be more accountable, you know, back in the day we've
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got told to do the dishes and you know, those kinds of things
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can't do all of that on zoom and and that kept me accountable,
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that kept me going to the meetings and it made me have
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something to look forward to every Tuesday night.
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And then, after I read the big book, I asked for a sponsor and
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she came skipping over to me and bless her.
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Heart was beautiful sponsor. And she was exactly who I
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needed. so I work the steps with her 12 months because Three
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months into my sobriety. I started my own business from
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high megapixel. I was crazy that it tell me, but
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they said behind my back. Oh, she won't stay sober.
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This will be her undoing and it wasn't.
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It's exactly what I needed to keep.
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Keep my sobriety going, and I had that business for three
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years. Until eventually, I had to leave
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my husband because he was still drinking and I had a do-or-die
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moment. The Serenity Prayer used to say
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every day. And I had to do a dime moment
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with the serenity prayer and realized that I had to have the
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courage to make the change because I was frightened, I
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might go back to drinking or it really felt like the dark side.
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If that makes any sense to anybody out there.
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I was faced with this dilemma and I didn't want to leave my
16:30
husband, but I, you know, is quite honest.
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My 50s by then like 50s. And I thought, I know here,
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Second Time Around, what a mess, and I brought it up in a meeting
16:45
at stress album, because my sponsor said, tell to get well,
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and I hadn't talked about all that because don't forget, I'd
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been taught as a child not to talk about things.
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So, I started to talk in this meeting and skinny, lots of
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people come up to me and one woman in particular said, we'll
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give you got nowhere to go. You can tow your Caravan, onto
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my Property, I'll just check with my husband.
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That's exactly what I did. Members.
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Help me hook the Caravan on. And well, while he was at work,
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I packed. It took one dog.
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Unless the other which broke my heart?
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All emotional, stuff, always drama.
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And I move to hear property that it could only stay there for two
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weeks. And then I started to
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couch-surf. I hated to say that.
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I was homeless, I called myself. I said I was in transition.
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And I was in transition in more ways than one and I stayed at my
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son's for a while in the city. So I could do a meeting every
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day and that's what I did and I didn't drink through it.
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And eventually sticks years down the track later still living
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Alliance still on my own, but, you know, not in a
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dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship.
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And eventually after you know surf, surfing the couches and
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stuff. One of the women in AI that I
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knew put a hand out and said that I could rent a granny flat,
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so I did that and I started to heal and I had 12 months there
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and I just have to drink. Sorry. 12 months with her, which
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is my healing while, all my finances were being done.
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And then when my finances came through, I bought a little house
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in Victor Harbor where I am still today and began the
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Journey of living alone, and that wasn't easy either because
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I hadn't been on my own for years.
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I had before I got married, but I hadn't for years, I've had
18:55
husband's dogs kids, you know, the whole works, the house was
18:59
always full and I love. Of that.
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And all of a sudden I'm sitting here by myself looking at
19:05
myself. I see people say that when they
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come to AA, you know, they get in amongst the social, like
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people say, used to drink alone. I was different, I used to
19:16
drink. Well, I did drink alone, but I
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drink with a lot of people to had a lot of people in my life.
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And then I went to know people in my life except for the people
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in Aiea, and then I came I hit a brick wall.
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I got sick at work by, then I was ready.
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Guy and I got sick and had to leave because I wouldnt give me
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time off and I got physically sick, but game very quickly, I
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got mentally sick, I realize that underneath my drinking.
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It was a lot of mental health issues that I'd never had time
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to examine before. And I used to go to meetings and
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I used to fall asleep in the meetings because I wasn't
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sleeping at night and everything and people just, you know, that
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by me and made sure. Don't fall off the chair, I
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suppose. So here I was not even drinking
20:04
but feeling drunk drunk on, emotions.
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That's the problem. Like, I feel like of people I've
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talked to have a leaky adrenaline system, and if it
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starts to leak and I don't have a hold on.
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That somehow I'm in trouble and that's what happened.
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I hit rock bottom again and I thought, now, what can I do?
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And the thing was, is there was a piece of pissing in the jigsaw
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for me. I'm not was my emotional,
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supporting people go poo who and say emotions were already.
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What's that? Well, for me, it means that I
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can cope with things emotionally like a normal human being,
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whatever that is healthy human. Be I didn't know how to do any
20:46
of that. So I desperately needed that
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emotional sobriety and drinking since I was 14 up till, you
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know, 53, I think it was when I came in the rooms, I was
20:58
emotionally stunted. I can tell you and In every
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shape and form. And I needed to address that and
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I was lucky because one of the guys, that was in a, a had also
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been doing a program called grow, I'd never heard of it and
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he said, to me, look, I need a lift to the meeting, can give me
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a lift and I said, yeah sure. So I gave him a lift and he said
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you want to stay just to see what it's like and I said, yeah,
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okay can't be any. I was feeling really bad and so
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I started grow and it was like a repeat of a and They hugged me
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and I cried for the first time I can't, I can't remember how long
21:37
as all my emotions were bottled up, and I just let it all out
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and they Encompass me and back, then I was a small group.
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Now, we're up to about 17, I think down and Victor, and I do
21:50
that whenever I count on a Friday afternoon and that's 12
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step program. Okay?
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So I have to 12-step programs in my life and that helps me
22:00
because I leave a long. Talk about my problems with
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other people and get feedback. It also gives me a practical
22:06
program to do something about those programs, those problems
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because I get a practical task, if I have a problem around the
22:14
program and I take off and do that at my leisure and that
22:18
suits me and report back to the group.
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And we also do a lot of social things.
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We have coffees and card nights and quizzes and same thing as IA
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walks. And that fed my social life as
22:31
well in my community. So become connected to the
22:34
community, which is what I needed to do and as well as
22:39
being plugged in with my higher power.
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I also needed to connect to my community and I found that way
22:45
started volunteering as I said for lifeline, and I'm now the
22:49
coordinator of the world life shop and get our Bure, which
22:55
supports our local hospital Animal Hospital in Go and I
23:01
loved that job, but I am looking for paid work.
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So I'm doing for 12 months, but now I'm ready to go back to work
23:08
so that we'll have to go on the back burner, but it's been a big
23:12
part of my life. I'm organizing a fashion show at
23:15
the moment down here on the 29th of April, for a charity event
23:22
and it's been great fun. I love fashion.
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I know that's why I like working in a shop.
23:30
But yes, I'll have another change soon coming.
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And I'm open to those changes now and I'm capable of doing
23:36
them. I have to beware and he balance
23:39
in my life, that's really important daily balance.
23:44
And that gives me the serenity that I have today.
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The biggest gift that anyone could ask for, yes, I have a
23:51
roof over my head and that, I struggle to keep that sometimes
23:55
when actually giving on my own. But I I have opened it at times
24:02
to other AA members that have needed help along the way
24:06
because I carry the message quite strongly, but at the end
24:12
of the day, it's my serenity. I actually called a Blue Haven
24:15
Cottage and it's my My Serenity and I have great Serenity more
24:21
than I've ever had in my life. The only time can ever have,
24:24
remember, having this amount of Serenity, it was when I was with
24:27
my grandmother, she offered me. Me serenity, and of course, I
24:31
haven't had her for many, many years.
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So my home powers different things to me Works through
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people, but through the rooms it works, when I see a newcomer
24:42
come in and get the message and get well, and it also works for
24:47
me and nature nature lovers so well, when I think nature, it's
24:52
not like I go doing tacos or some think, but I love walking
24:57
along the beach down here. I like to stay around trees and
25:03
nature and Gardens and I feel feel very at home in those
25:07
places and it gives me the same effect as the rooms do.
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And often I've got two chairs down here on my walk, one where
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I meditate one, where I pray and it works for me that it works.
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They told me, you know, it works if you work it and that's what
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I've done, and I've helped other people.
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People in friends to other people in the program to get
25:33
them through this, help them hold their hand, through the
25:36
steps men and women and you know feels great.
25:42
Might my higher power Works through me and I can almost feel
25:48
it was their higher power when we're doing the steps together
25:51
and I don't know how that works. That's a miracle to me but I
25:55
sent that and I know it's real. And yes I've had the opportunity
26:01
to see quite a few people get sober for also seen a lot of
26:04
people leave the rooms because unfortunately for them not a
26:08
time or whatever it is they don't get what some of us get
26:13
and that's okay. You know, everyone's journey is
26:15
different, used to upset me in the beginning, but someone told
26:19
me want some, you know, there's a breach as a reach for when you
26:26
Drunk to, When You're Sober, only crossed that bridge over.
26:29
And once you've crossed that bridge over, you can see the
26:32
other people on the other side, but you can't reach them.
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So there's no point in even trying, it's up to them to cross
26:37
the bridge. We have local meetings for the
26:42
full week in the local area. Monday is Golem meeting at 8:00,
26:47
Tuesday, is Elizabeth East at 8 o'clock.
26:50
Wednesday is Elizabeth East at 8:00, Thursday is Two Wells at
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8:00 and Fridays Salisbury at 8:00.
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There's a meeting at ever on park at 12:00 and on Sunday,
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there's a maintenance Salisbury at 7:00.
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And many of the mains in the area, For details of your local
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Maintenance, please phone 1300 doubled so double to double to.
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And once again, if anyone, you know is struggling with alcohol
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issues, police call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 double to
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double to double. So the website is in South
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Australia, dot org dot, are you