Latest / Alpha Men Podcast / Alpha Men Podcast Season 5 Ep. 12

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Alpha Men Podcast Season 5 Ep. 12 · Alpha Men Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_03: For an important announcement.
0:01
SPEAKER_00: Ladies and gentlemen, TJ Michaels and John Stacy invite you on a roller coaster ride of Machismo on the Alpha Men Podcast.
10:32
SPEAKER_06: Too much, red light, couple of beers on a wallet night.
10:37
SPEAKER_06: They hit record, kick the door, laughing as they push the floor.
10:43
SPEAKER_06: No scripts, just truth.
10:45
SPEAKER_06: Talking like they're in your living room.
10:48
SPEAKER_06: Every shot straight from the chest.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: Twelve, twelve, twelve.
12:23
SPEAKER_02: I don't know, we lose track.
12:24
SPEAKER_02: We we never expected to be around this long, to be quite honest with you.
12:27
SPEAKER_02: But uh from the granted capital of the world, I'm TJ Michaels, my partner in crime, is uh John Stacy, aka Baby Huey.
12:34
SPEAKER_02: And uh he is from Trinity, North Carolina, and uh how is it in the Carolinas tonight?
12:40
SPEAKER_08: Cool, actually, 60s.
12:43
SPEAKER_02: We had like a week of like 70s, we got up to 80 one day, last night twenty-two.
12:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:55
SPEAKER_02: Like spring like flirts with us, you know.
12:57
SPEAKER_08: Like he's in for a couple of days and the 90s here, the 80s and 90s, then it's now lack of this man.
13:06
SPEAKER_02: And of course it's spring, so I'm trying to declutter the house and get rid of all the crap we've collected over the winter and everything else.
13:14
SPEAKER_02: And uh I don't know if you do this, but the past couple of weeks I have these bags of uh clothes that uh I need to drop off at the Salvation Army thrift store to donate.
13:26
SPEAKER_02: And I drive past the place every damn day.
13:31
SPEAKER_02: I do I do well I don't I don't work at the thrift store, but I I work I work regionally throughout the world and no matter the salvation I drive past the place every single day on my way out of town.
13:45
SPEAKER_02: Still in my back seat are these bags like living like a sad, unemployed passenger for the last three weeks.
13:53
SPEAKER_02: I don't I don't know what he's doing.
13:55
SPEAKER_02: But I gotta be thinking like we all do stuff then nobody talks about.
14:04
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
14:05
SPEAKER_02: Like I thought this would be a very good way to go for the show tonight because like you know, we all have these things we do that we don't we we don't admit.
14:14
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
14:15
SPEAKER_08: Yeah Like, you know, when you get your package, you know when your package with delivery notifications on, your brain turns a new seal on a mission.
14:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, right.
14:25
SPEAKER_08: You can't focus on anything outside the box, it's safe inside the house.
14:28
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:28
SPEAKER_02: It's like when you order a pizza too.
14:30
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, as soon as you order the pizza, you're like five minutes later, where the hell is the damn pizza?
14:36
SPEAKER_02: What is taking them so long, right?
14:38
SPEAKER_02: You know?
14:39
SPEAKER_02: Or it's like 1.30 in the morning, and uh you're trying to eat that cold Chinese food that you took home from the restaurant, and it's in one of those clear plastic takeout containers, and it you're trying to open it and it sounds like a marching band is going through the kitchen.
14:52
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
14:53
SPEAKER_02: So you're like trying to open it slowly, like you're diffusing a bomb, praying that she doesn't wake up and realize that you're a savage because it's 1.30 in the morning and you're trying to eat cold stuff out of the refrigerator.
15:07
SPEAKER_09: You know.
15:08
SPEAKER_02: It's just those kind of things.
15:10
SPEAKER_02: And I thought I think everybody knows what we're talking about here.
15:15
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
15:16
SPEAKER_02: You get sick all the time.
15:26
SPEAKER_08: I can't explain how that got happening.
15:28
SPEAKER_02: We were we were gonna pack the pantry this year, okay?
15:30
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
15:33
SPEAKER_02: And John goes.
15:35
SPEAKER_02: He has like one hard swallow.
15:37
SPEAKER_02: And he goes, I'm coming, I'm coming down with it.
15:39
SPEAKER_02: I'm telling you, I'm gonna be I'm dying, I'm gonna be dying tomorrow.
15:44
SPEAKER_08: The flu just clocked in.
15:45
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah.
15:48
SPEAKER_02: So I thought tonight maybe we would talk about things that uh those little random moments like we all experience, but we pretend like we're the only ones weird enough to do this kind of stuff.
15:57
SPEAKER_02: And uh if you if you have one for us, we'd love for you to share it with us.
16:01
SPEAKER_02: Uh you can drop your confessions in the chat or on our Facebook page.
16:04
SPEAKER_02: Uh the weirder, the more relatable, uh, the better, by the way.
16:08
SPEAKER_02: But uh we'll we'll ask the question what is something everyone something random, everyone does, everyone experiences, but you never admit it or talk about it.
16:18
SPEAKER_02: We have got a great show for you tonight.
16:19
SPEAKER_02: Mancourt is back, the uh Red Foreman Awards, Married Man Survival Guide tonight, along with uh real or fake news and a whole lot more.
16:27
SPEAKER_02: We'd also love for you to tell us where you're watching from tonight.
16:30
SPEAKER_02: You can join the show anytime by commenting, and your comments will appear live on the screen.
16:35
SPEAKER_02: We're good like that.
16:36
SPEAKER_02: We don't ask you to like we don't ask you to like make a super chat or anything like that.
16:42
SPEAKER_02: You know, you don't have to give us any money.
16:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
16:45
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
16:49
SPEAKER_02: Give us a like, turn on the notification bell, and subscribe, all that happy horse stuff.
16:55
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the premiere of season five, episode twelve.
16:58
SPEAKER_02: This, my friends, is the Alpha Men Podcast.
17:08
SPEAKER_03: And now, men splaining the news.
17:11
SPEAKER_03: Tuesday night update.
17:18
SPEAKER_08: I'm gonna fix that right now.
17:20
SPEAKER_02: Really?
17:21
SPEAKER_02: You think, maybe?
17:23
SPEAKER_02: We're only 12 episodes into this show.
17:25
SPEAKER_02: I fix it now.
17:28
SPEAKER_08: I did it again.
17:30
SPEAKER_02: Good evening.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: I don't even know that.
17:33
SPEAKER_02: Here's what happened this week.
17:35
SPEAKER_02: Uh Eric Swalwell suspended his campaign for governor of California and resigned from Congress.
17:40
SPEAKER_02: But based on the allegations, uh, he's gonna fit right in as an Uber driver.
17:46
SPEAKER_02: The uh House Ethics Committee announced this week it has also opened an investigation into misconduct allegations against Swalwell.
17:53
SPEAKER_02: It's really surprising.
17:55
SPEAKER_02: I mean, who else is shocked that the House still has an ethics committee?
17:59
SPEAKER_02: I mean Philippine President uh Ferdinand Marcos Jr.
18:04
SPEAKER_02: This week did jumping jacks in the Philippines to disprove rumors of his failing health in order to show he's healthy.
18:12
SPEAKER_02: President Trump hosted an AI video of himself with giant muscles jumping over the Empire State Building while shooting lasers from his eyes.
18:29
SPEAKER_02: Lobsters feel pain when you boil them alive.
18:31
SPEAKER_08: Oh shit.
18:34
SPEAKER_02: We spent money on that study.
18:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:37
SPEAKER_02: Probably tax money.
18:38
SPEAKER_02: Are you happy now?
18:42
SPEAKER_02: I feel pain when I hear scientists wasting time and money researching something so obvious.
18:46
SPEAKER_02: In fact, uh, they say the only creature who feels nothing when they're really in hot water is uh Chuck Schumer.
18:57
SPEAKER_02: An executive of Chevron says Americans should drive less.
19:02
SPEAKER_02: When commenting on the uh higher gas prices.
19:10
SPEAKER_02: Jeff Bezos' wife this week donated 70 excuse me.
19:15
SPEAKER_02: Jeff Bezos ex-wife this week donated 70 million dollars uh to meals on wheels.
19:25
SPEAKER_02: Meanwhile, Jeff just spent three times that on a yacht shape like his new wife president plant.
19:31
SPEAKER_02: The average cash refund according to the federal government this year up 1100%.
19:37
SPEAKER_02: I call the ass.
19:39
SPEAKER_02: Um plans to spend all of that on his mail money.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: An Akron Ohio man this week won a lottery twice in the same day.
19:53
SPEAKER_02: Now, before you call him lucky, keep in mind he still lives in Akron Ohio.
20:03
SPEAKER_02: Some colleges are shortening bachelor's degree programs from four years to three years.
20:11
SPEAKER_02: And that means that full-time baristas at Starbucks will now be 21 instead of 22.
20:20
SPEAKER_02: Speaking of Starbucks, they unveiled an eye that matches a drink with your mood.
20:26
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
20:27
SPEAKER_02: And they can just now get a barista who matches my name with the correct spelling.
20:32
SPEAKER_02: It's really not that hard.
20:33
SPEAKER_02: It's two letters.
20:35
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
20:40
SPEAKER_02: Blind runner in England! A blind runner in England completed a marathon this week using smart glasses.
20:49
SPEAKER_02: Or at least that's what they told him.
20:53
SPEAKER_08: That's horrible.
20:55
SPEAKER_02: Cops may soon use a breathalizer that detects hot.
21:01
SPEAKER_02: It will um replace the current method of identifying a high driver, asking if there's no cop.
21:12
SPEAKER_02: The uh big challenge will be getting stoners to blow into it rather than trying to take a hit off of it.
21:20
SPEAKER_02: Meta is building an AI avatar of Mark Zuckerberg that is gonna be used for staff meetings.
21:27
SPEAKER_02: And you thought you were lazy when you didn't want to put on pants for that Zoom meeting.
21:33
SPEAKER_02: Uh, research shows communications between sperm whales follows a strikingly strikingly similar pattern to human speech.
21:43
SPEAKER_08: True.
21:44
SPEAKER_02: Although they spend more time giggling about the fact that they're called sperm whales.
21:50
SPEAKER_02: In a showbiz news! A jury found why Nation and Ticketmaster illegally maintained a monopoly over ticketing at events.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: It didn't help the ticket master charge the jury an extra$85 fee to enter the courtroom, but you know that was uh Latin par pop star Shakira announcing her 2026 tour dates.
22:13
SPEAKER_02: You can tell she's getting a little bit older.
22:16
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
22:16
SPEAKER_02: Her new song is called My Hip Replacements Don't Lie.
22:19
SPEAKER_02: So um yeah.
22:23
SPEAKER_02: Uh according to uh a survey, Dolly Parton is the most beloved celebrity in America.
22:30
SPEAKER_08: Well, Betty White's dead.
22:31
SPEAKER_02: In fact, she's so popular she came in at one and two.
22:38
SPEAKER_02: Taylor Swift gonna get married in a dress inspired by Elizabeth Taylor.
22:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh meanwhile, Travis Kelsey will get married in a haircut inspired by Rosie O'Donnell.
22:51
SPEAKER_02: Lamar Odom has a new girlfriend.
22:57
SPEAKER_02: It really is nice to see him spooning something other than crack.
23:00
SPEAKER_02: Just say it.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: Kevin Federline says he is happy Britney Spears has entered rehab.
23:10
SPEAKER_02: And uh you were just like, dude, that's great.
23:13
SPEAKER_02: I just want the Big Mac I ordered.
23:15
SPEAKER_02: Really?
23:18
SPEAKER_02: A woman who played a baby munchkin in The Wizard of Oz died this week at age 94.
23:25
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
23:26
SPEAKER_02: Um baby munchkin sounds a little redundant, doesn't it?
23:30
SPEAKER_02: It's kind of like drunk Irishman, same same thing.
23:34
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
23:35
SPEAKER_02: Kevin Hart debuted comedy, a comedy competition on Netflix this week, his new show.
23:40
SPEAKER_02: It's something he's wanted to do since he was little.
23:46
SPEAKER_02: Yesterday.
23:47
SPEAKER_08: I knew how it's coming.
23:49
SPEAKER_02: Neil Diamond, gonna release a new album in a few weeks, which is a couple of weeks late for the average Neil Diamond fan.
23:57
SPEAKER_02: Just saying.
23:58
SPEAKER_02: And uh finally, a thousand celebrities this week signed a letter protesting the Paramount Warner Brothers merger.
24:06
SPEAKER_02: And since it was on his postal route, Corey Feldman delivered it.
24:10
SPEAKER_02: So uh yeah, yeah.
24:13
SPEAKER_02: Uh that is Mansplaining the News tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
24:55
SPEAKER_08: Welcome to John's rate of facts.
24:57
SPEAKER_08: Yes, I'll make you laugh.
24:58
SPEAKER_08: Five rate of facts, because even in this uh Gathering Brothers, you should at least learn something.
25:03
SPEAKER_08: Right.
25:03
SPEAKER_08: I don't know.
25:04
SPEAKER_08: I this time I learn stuff, I have to Google it.
25:06
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, right.
25:06
SPEAKER_08: Chat GPT, yeah, more likely.
25:09
SPEAKER_08: I'll tell you what, Chat GPT has become like a lifesaver for me.
25:12
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it is it's incredible.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: I use groc, I like groc better than Chat GPT, but whatever.
25:17
SPEAKER_02: You know.
25:18
SPEAKER_08: Well, what's what do you see?
25:19
SPEAKER_08: We'll talk about later, but I want to see the difference in that.
25:21
SPEAKER_08: But yeah, Chat GPT has been great to me.
25:23
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
25:24
SPEAKER_08: Um, but yeah, so okay, first fact I got for you.
25:26
SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
25:27
SPEAKER_08: CBS used to officially add bird sounds to to all their golf coverages up until the year 2000.
25:35
SPEAKER_08: Um when a bird expert noticed the noises didn't match the birds that lived in the area and exposed the scam.
25:41
SPEAKER_08: So probably like uh a parrot that's supposed to be in you know Augusta.
25:48
SPEAKER_08: Right.
25:49
SPEAKER_08: So my second fact is uh Waldo from Where's Waldo?
25:58
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
25:58
SPEAKER_08: It's only called Waldo Waldo in America versions of the book.
26:03
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
26:03
SPEAKER_08: You know what it's called in the other countries?
26:06
SPEAKER_10: I have no idea.
26:07
SPEAKER_08: Wally or Willie?
26:09
SPEAKER_02: Wally or Willie?
26:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
26:12
SPEAKER_02: That's a good one.
26:13
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know that.
26:13
SPEAKER_02: Alright, cool.
26:14
SPEAKER_08: Where's where's Willie?
26:15
SPEAKER_08: See, I learned something.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: I just learned something.
26:17
SPEAKER_02: This segment's paying off.
26:20
SPEAKER_02: All right.
26:21
SPEAKER_02: All right.
26:21
SPEAKER_08: So I got a warrant uh Warren Buffett.
26:23
SPEAKER_08: Um, 95-year-old Warren Buffett still lives in the same house in Nebraska that he bought in 1958 for$31,500.
26:35
SPEAKER_10: Holy crap.
26:36
SPEAKER_08: Considering, well, this is this part blew my mind.
26:40
SPEAKER_08: Considering the price per square foot in inflation, it's worth around$1.4 million.
26:48
SPEAKER_08: Right.
26:49
SPEAKER_08: But he's worth$140 billion.
26:54
SPEAKER_02: Well, isn't Warren Buffett the guy who said my kids are getting nothing, I'm gonna die poor.
27:00
SPEAKER_02: I think he said I I don't think he's like I think he's probably I think he's intentionally not leaving.
27:05
SPEAKER_02: And he's even though he's made a buttload of money, he's obviously a very frugal frugal.
27:12
SPEAKER_08: He goes to McDonald's every day, too.
27:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
27:15
SPEAKER_02: So alright.
27:17
SPEAKER_08: So it's WrestleMania's last there night, uh, you know, wrestling thing.
27:21
SPEAKER_08: Andre the Giant was drafted into the French army in 1965.
27:26
SPEAKER_08: You imagine seeing that bastard come after you with a gun.
27:28
SPEAKER_02: I'd I'd be running the other they wouldn't even have to send a platoon in.
27:32
SPEAKER_02: They would just send Andre and like a thousand guys would run the other direction.
27:35
SPEAKER_08: You know, so and the only reason he couldn't get in the French Army is because they didn't have shoes that were big enough.
27:42
SPEAKER_08: The bunks were not long enough for him to sleep on, well, the trenches would have to be the trench the trenches would not be deep enough if they needed dig trenches.
27:50
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
27:51
SPEAKER_08: Imagine his popping his head up.
27:53
SPEAKER_02: Hey, what'd you go down?
27:54
SPEAKER_02: I watched a bunch of clips from WrestleMania.
27:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
27:57
SPEAKER_02: And uh I have not I have not seriously watched wrestling in like 25 years.
28:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
28:04
SPEAKER_02: And uh damn it, every once in a while they like uh they get me.
28:09
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
28:09
SPEAKER_02: They well they'll at least get me to watch the clips, you know what I mean?
28:13
SPEAKER_02: And this Dan Housen, have you seen this guy?
28:16
SPEAKER_02: No.
28:17
SPEAKER_02: This is the new guy on WWE, his name is Dan Hausen, very nice, very evil.
28:22
SPEAKER_02: Okay, and he and he carries around a jar of teeth, and his face is painted white, and he's got big black.
28:29
SPEAKER_02: He looks like um those guys that uh used to uh like do the the old-time horror movie shows on on you know on TV late at night.
28:39
SPEAKER_02: He looks like a horror movie host, but he is funny as crap.
28:45
SPEAKER_02: Like he he's brilliant, he's absolutely brilliant.
28:49
SPEAKER_02: So uh just wanted to point that out.
28:51
SPEAKER_02: All right, one more, one more random fact tonight.
28:55
SPEAKER_08: Joe gave us uh a moment.
28:58
SPEAKER_08: Okay, go into the kitchen and you notice that you forgot to turn the stove on.
29:02
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
29:03
SPEAKER_08: That's fair.
29:04
SPEAKER_08: I like that one.
29:05
SPEAKER_08: And then Michelle.
29:06
SPEAKER_02: That's after you put stuff on the stove to cook.
29:08
SPEAKER_08: Yes, I've done that before.
29:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
29:10
SPEAKER_08: And then Michelle talked about the news most bachelor could be done in three years if you didn't require somebody like this.
29:15
SPEAKER_08: True.
29:15
SPEAKER_08: That's true.
29:16
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, last fact I got.
29:17
SPEAKER_08: All right, up until 2016, New Mexico had a law that banned idiots from voting.
29:23
SPEAKER_08: That law, that law Yeah, we'd be screwed.
29:27
SPEAKER_08: That law was from 1910 when the word idiot described a person as IQ below 30.
29:34
SPEAKER_08: So he'd be screwed.
29:36
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
29:36
SPEAKER_02: I think we would need to bring that law back.
29:39
SPEAKER_02: All there is.
29:42
SPEAKER_08: Um so yeah, that's all I got for facts.
29:45
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
29:46
SPEAKER_02: Um five random facts delivered straight to your skull, and see, you learned something here tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
30:21
SPEAKER_02: Welcome back to uh the part of the show we call Founding Fathers Would Not Agree, where we take kind of the modern political nonsense that's going on, slap a powder wig on it, and ask what would George Thomas Ben and the boys think if they time traveled here today.
30:36
SPEAKER_02: This is good beer.
30:38
SPEAKER_08: Is it?
30:39
SPEAKER_08: Really good beer.
30:40
SPEAKER_08: What is it you're drinking?
30:41
SPEAKER_08: Blake's Heart Cider, American Apple, Imperial Heart Cider, 8% by volume.
30:46
SPEAKER_02: I just didn't feel like beer tonight.
30:48
SPEAKER_02: And I get in these moods every once in a while, so I got uh Arnold Palmer half and half, half iced tea, half uh lemonade.
30:55
SPEAKER_08: I think it's a fruity stuff.
30:57
SPEAKER_02: This is actually really a good beer, though.
30:59
SPEAKER_02: 5%.
31:00
SPEAKER_02: I want some more of this.
31:01
SPEAKER_02: Tastes just like twisted tea and everything else.
31:03
SPEAKER_02: They all taste the same, but whatever.
31:04
SPEAKER_02: That's to give you a heartburn.
31:06
SPEAKER_02: Actually, this doesn't give me a heartburn.
31:08
SPEAKER_02: Twisted tea does, but anyway.
31:09
SPEAKER_02: Oh.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: Uh tonight's offender, New York City's shiny Marxist mayor, Zoran Mondami.
31:17
unknown: Who?
31:18
SPEAKER_02: Did you see him this week on Tax Day?
31:21
SPEAKER_02: No.
31:22
SPEAKER_02: April 15th, Tax Day.
31:26
SPEAKER_02: He releases a video on the New York City webpage or Facebook page, standing in front of a luxury building, grinning like he just won the lottery, and he looks straight in the camera with that smug smirk and proudly declares when I ran for mayor, I said I was gonna tax the rich.
31:49
SPEAKER_02: Well, today we're taxing the rich.
31:54
SPEAKER_02: And basically, these properties in New York City, where they're a second home owned by somebody and they don't actually live there, they they have the place to come back to.
32:06
SPEAKER_02: He is gonna tax the snot out of those people.
32:09
SPEAKER_02: In fact, hedge fund guy Ken Griffin, his occasional residence in New York City, his property tax under this plan jumps from$841,000 a year, property tax, mind you, to three million dollars.
32:27
SPEAKER_02: Oh shit.
32:30
SPEAKER_02: Founding fathers would be speechless.
32:35
SPEAKER_02: You're punishing people for owning property.
32:39
SPEAKER_02: And we fought in a revolution because the king was literally taxing us into the ground, and when you ask what's taxing into the ground, it was a T it was a tax that was like nothing.
32:54
SPEAKER_02: It was like two percent.
32:56
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
33:00
SPEAKER_02: And I just can't get over that he's staring into the camera and smiling about it.
33:07
SPEAKER_02: Because I'm one of those guys that you know, you and I, John, we we made it happen.
33:13
SPEAKER_02: We went out, we got a job, we support our family, we we do it.
33:17
SPEAKER_02: I don't care what anybody else has.
33:20
SPEAKER_02: I'm not I'm not after anybody else's money.
33:23
SPEAKER_02: You know, this hedge fund guy, Ken Griffin, there's a reason he has that money.
33:28
SPEAKER_02: And he's smart.
33:29
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
33:32
SPEAKER_02: So, um, King was on a very little tax back in the beginning, it was viewed by the colonists as taxing us into the ground.
33:47
SPEAKER_02: And Thomas Jefferson would look at this whole thing disgusted and say, all men are created equal, but if you own a nice second home, suddenly you're the villain.
33:57
SPEAKER_02: You know, I had Monticello.
33:58
SPEAKER_02: You gonna tax that too?
34:00
SPEAKER_02: And Benjamin Franklin, probably the smartest hustler in town back during the founding father's time, would say, you're just driving wealth, talent, and investment out of New York so it can run to Miami and Austin and Dallas.
34:16
SPEAKER_02: Brilliant strategy.
34:17
SPEAKER_02: Because that's exactly what's gonna happen.
34:19
SPEAKER_02: Nothing says economic genius like making the greatest city in the world less attractive than Florida in July.
34:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
34:27
SPEAKER_02: But here's the funny people these evil rich people Mondami loves to demonize, they're not hoarding gold in a cave.
34:38
SPEAKER_02: Ken Griffin, the guy we just mentioned, the hedge fund guy, he's given over$60 million to charter schools, 40 million to the Museum of Modern Art in New York, another 40 million to the Natural History Museum.
34:52
SPEAKER_02: His company employs and already pours hundreds of millions into the city every year in taxes.
35:00
SPEAKER_02: So be sure, let's punish the golden goose until it flies south, builds a nest, somewhere that actually wants it.
35:09
SPEAKER_02: And then watch Manhattan condo prices drop, jobs disappear, and all the rich people that spend money that get taxed, magic turns into magically turns into a disappearing act.
35:25
SPEAKER_02: All of a sudden, empty storefronts for lease signs.
35:29
SPEAKER_02: It's not smart governance, it's not even smart politics.
35:33
SPEAKER_02: It's jealousy dressed up as policy.
35:38
SPEAKER_02: It's the economic version of breaking up with your girlfriend because she makes more money than you, then wondering why she moved on to somebody who appreciates her.
35:48
SPEAKER_02: Founding fathers built this crazy on a crazy idea that if you work hard, if you take risks, and you build something great, you should get to keep most of what you earn.
35:59
SPEAKER_02: Not some 34-year-old politician can mug for the cameras and play Robin Hood with others people's money.
36:06
SPEAKER_02: That's what's going on in New York City.
36:08
SPEAKER_02: And News Flash Mayor Mandami, Robin Hood stole from the government.
36:14
SPEAKER_02: He didn't punish the productive people who actually create the wealth that you're trying to take.
36:20
SPEAKER_02: If the founding fathers were watching this little tax day performance, they wouldn't just disagree.
36:28
SPEAKER_02: They'd be reloading their muskets.
36:31
SPEAKER_02: And that's all for founding fathers would not agree this week on the Alpha Men podcast.
37:17
SPEAKER_01: Step forward and plead your case, just know the verdict was probably decided before you started talking.
37:30
SPEAKER_08: All right.
37:38
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Virtue Justice.
37:40
SPEAKER_02: Uh, you uh send in your domestic disputes to us, and we haul them into man court for uh ruling that'll hold up at any bar in America.
37:48
SPEAKER_02: You've got a problem that needs solving, you can visit any of our social media pages and uh drop your mancourt to limit in a DM to us.
37:56
SPEAKER_08: And you can join and the freak joy freak jury can join us by commenting whatever they're watching tonight and give our plaintiff some advice and just hit the comment tab.
38:07
SPEAKER_02: Alrighty.
38:08
SPEAKER_02: Let's uh dive into tonight's case and lay out some justice here.
38:12
SPEAKER_02: John, we have a docket number.
38:13
SPEAKER_08: Yep, 260421.
38:17
SPEAKER_08: Man, I can't talk.
38:18
SPEAKER_08: Um our plaintiff is Tori from uh Green Bear, Tennessee.
38:24
SPEAKER_02: The case that's I think it's Green Briar.
38:27
unknown: Oh.
38:28
SPEAKER_02: Greenbrier, Tennessee.
38:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, can't read.
38:31
SPEAKER_02: That's all right.
38:32
SPEAKER_08: And uh the case of the relationship, crossroad, or the guy code.
38:37
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's from a lady.
38:39
SPEAKER_02: Oh boy.
38:40
SPEAKER_02: Well, I hope so.
38:40
SPEAKER_02: Oh, look, a lady Tory.
38:43
SPEAKER_02: Tori writes, hey Judge, TJ, and baby Huey.
38:46
SPEAKER_02: My name is Tori.
38:48
SPEAKER_02: A lady.
38:49
SPEAKER_02: Uh, and uh I'm from Greenbyer, Tennessee.
38:52
SPEAKER_02: I started watching the Alpha Men podcast with my boyfriend Steve on Tuesday nights sometime last year.
38:58
SPEAKER_02: Since then, Steve has league bowling on Tuesdays, so he doesn't watch anymore.
39:02
SPEAKER_02: Where the hell are your priorities, Steve?
39:04
SPEAKER_02: Why is she so watching?
39:06
SPEAKER_02: Uh so I think I'm safe here, but I got nothing better to do, so I watch on Twitch without him.
39:11
SPEAKER_02: I'm writing you this DM because I think I have a mancourt case and would love some input from both of you and the freak jury.
39:18
SPEAKER_02: You see, I have been with Steve for about two years.
39:22
SPEAKER_02: Everything has been solid until recently.
39:26
SPEAKER_02: I found out his best friend has been cheating on his partner, and Steve not only knows about it, but actively covers for him.
39:37
SPEAKER_02: Like actively lying to her.
39:40
SPEAKER_02: And when I asked him about it, he basically shrugged and said, not his place to get involved, and that he's just being a loyal friend.
39:49
SPEAKER_02: Now, on one hand, I get the whole stay out of other people's relationship things, but on the other, this really bothers me.
39:58
SPEAKER_02: Doesn't help doesn't helping someone lie and cheat kind of say something about your character?
40:05
SPEAKER_02: Like, if he's okay with that behavior, what does it mean for us?
40:10
SPEAKER_02: Now to be clear, I do not think he's cheating.
40:14
SPEAKER_02: This isn't about trust in that sense.
40:17
SPEAKER_02: I think it's more about morals.
40:19
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
40:20
SPEAKER_02: It just shifted something for me.
40:22
SPEAKER_02: So I guess I'm asking, if your partner was covering for a friend's affair, would that bother you?
40:29
SPEAKER_02: Would it change how you see them?
40:31
SPEAKER_02: Or is this just one of those guy code things I don't understand?
40:36
SPEAKER_02: Has everyone else, anyone else, been in this situation?
40:39
SPEAKER_02: What did you do?
40:41
SPEAKER_02: I await your verdict and could use some advice on what to do here.
40:45
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
40:46
SPEAKER_02: Tori, currently at a crossroads in Greenbyer, Tennessee.
40:52
SPEAKER_08: Wow.
40:53
SPEAKER_08: Uh Geico Trumps.
40:58
SPEAKER_08: That's my that's my thought.
41:00
SPEAKER_02: What?
41:01
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
41:04
SPEAKER_02: I do not agree.
41:06
SPEAKER_02: Freak jury, what do you think?
41:07
SPEAKER_02: Uh, case has been presented.
41:10
SPEAKER_02: You can comment with your advice, and we'll pop the advice on the uh screen.
41:14
SPEAKER_02: The case of the relationship crossroad or bro code.
41:17
SPEAKER_02: You really think that the bro code stands?
41:22
SPEAKER_02: Bro code always stands.
41:25
SPEAKER_08: Put it this way.
41:26
SPEAKER_08: If I was going to prison and you and I were in trouble, yeah, you'd be a free man.
41:31
SPEAKER_08: Now, you'd be singing like a canary.
41:34
SPEAKER_08: I know this.
41:34
SPEAKER_08: I wouldn't.
41:36
SPEAKER_08: That's that bro code.
41:37
SPEAKER_08: No, no, no, no.
41:37
SPEAKER_02: That's a different thing, dude.
41:39
SPEAKER_02: That's a different that's a different thing, dude.
41:42
SPEAKER_02: You're not, you're not, you're not destroying somebody and breaking somebody's marriage and heart.
41:48
SPEAKER_02: That's a different thing.
41:50
unknown: Bro code.
41:53
SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
41:53
SPEAKER_02: See, this is why you're the bailiff and I'm the judge.
41:56
SPEAKER_02: That's that's why this works.
41:58
SPEAKER_02: All right, listen.
42:00
SPEAKER_02: Uh, anybody commenting?
42:02
SPEAKER_02: Not yet.
42:03
SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure.
42:04
SPEAKER_02: All right.
42:06
SPEAKER_02: Um, man.
42:11
SPEAKER_02: I need a shot of whiskey to do this one.
42:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, your boyfriend, Steve Tori is not a villain.
42:23
SPEAKER_02: But he is a card-carrying member of the I'd rather lose my girlfriend than lose my bro Hall of Fame.
42:31
SPEAKER_02: Okay?
42:34
SPEAKER_02: And while I don't agree with Baby Huey, I'm gonna deliver some stone cold truth with love and zero chill here, okay?
42:46
SPEAKER_02: Covering your best friend while he's actively cheating and lying to his wife or girlfriend, that's I g I disagree.
42:56
SPEAKER_02: That is not guy code, okay?
42:59
SPEAKER_02: That's guy code for my moral compass is broken, and I use loyalty as an excuse.
43:05
SPEAKER_10: Okay?
43:06
SPEAKER_02: Real guy code has limits.
43:09
SPEAKER_02: Real guy code does not include helping your boy hide a side chick.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: It just doesn't.
43:15
SPEAKER_02: You know, lying straight to a woman's face so your buddy can keep smashing her.
43:20
SPEAKER_02: Uh-uh.
43:21
SPEAKER_02: Um, and acting like it's not my business when your best friend's being kind of a straight up snake.
43:28
SPEAKER_02: That's not loyalty, that's complicity with a smile.
43:33
SPEAKER_02: Um and so we differ, baby Huey.
43:36
SPEAKER_02: I'm all for the guy code.
43:39
SPEAKER_02: You know?
43:40
SPEAKER_02: If it's something harmless, like, hey, you stayed at the bar an hour too long and had four more beers than you really want your wife to know about, I'll cover for you there.
43:52
SPEAKER_02: Alright?
43:53
SPEAKER_02: I will.
43:55
SPEAKER_02: Um, but it's Just like we're brothers, we're like best friends.
44:05
SPEAKER_02: Your wife was actually in love with me before she was in love with you.
44:10
SPEAKER_02: And so I couldn't.
44:14
SPEAKER_02: I I love your wife too.
44:15
SPEAKER_02: I I couldn't I couldn't do that.
44:17
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't cover for you.
44:19
SPEAKER_02: No, it's it's that's just the way that it is.
44:22
SPEAKER_02: I just um so what do you do about it?
44:25
SPEAKER_02: Well there's there's there's two choices here, okay?
44:31
SPEAKER_02: Um I mean I I I would find Steve guilty of having spineless bro syndrome and selective motority, all right?
44:44
SPEAKER_02: That's what we'll say.
44:45
SPEAKER_08: Fair.
44:46
SPEAKER_02: Okay?
44:47
SPEAKER_02: Um you have two choices here.
44:50
SPEAKER_02: The I'm dating a man with principles route, which is where you tell street Steve straight up, um, hey, look, I'm not asking you to snitch on your friend.
45:01
SPEAKER_02: I'm asking you to stop actively help him, help, help him destroy another woman's life.
45:07
SPEAKER_02: Okay?
45:08
SPEAKER_02: And if you can't even do that, then I gotta ask kind of what other shady shit are you willing to look the other way on when it's convenient, you know?
45:18
SPEAKER_02: And that's a very serious uh conversation that you probably have to have with them.
45:23
SPEAKER_02: You know?
45:24
SPEAKER_02: And and just like my example with you, baby Huey, I I probably wouldn't tell on you, but I certainly wouldn't help you cover it up.
45:34
SPEAKER_02: You know.
45:35
SPEAKER_02: That's that's that's how it is.
45:37
SPEAKER_02: And the other route is accepting that this is just how dudes are, that route.
45:44
SPEAKER_02: You know, you're gonna accept that your man has no moral backbone, he's a wet noodle when it comes to his boys, and decide if you can live with that long term.
45:55
SPEAKER_02: Because one day that not my place energy might be aimed at protecting him from what you find out.
46:05
SPEAKER_02: So if Steve's response to you is expressing a legitimate moral concern, it's not my business and a shrug, I don't think that's a boyfriend, Tori.
46:17
SPEAKER_02: That's a roommate with values, or that's a roommate with benefits who values his boys' club more than your peace of mind.
46:26
SPEAKER_02: So give him one clean shot to grow a spine.
46:29
SPEAKER_02: If he doubles down on the bros before hoes philosophy, even when the hoes include his own girlfriend's standards, you might need to think about starting to pack your emotional bags.
46:42
SPEAKER_02: Because the same man who lied to you cover his cheating best friend is the same man who will one day tell you it's not that deep when he does something questionable.
46:53
SPEAKER_02: So case closed, there's your verdict.
46:59
SPEAKER_02: You can still hit the comments section, freak jury.
47:02
SPEAKER_02: Tell Tori if you'd done tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
47:11
SPEAKER_01: You froze.
47:12
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
47:14
SPEAKER_01: On this week's episode of Armchair Legend, we break down sports like we're on the payroll without ever leaving the couch.
47:21
SPEAKER_01: We've got bold takes, zero coaching credentials, and just enough confidence to tell the pros exactly what they did wrong.
47:34
SPEAKER_02: On this week's episode Uh Arm Chair Legends.
47:40
SPEAKER_02: Real men talking real sports, no filters, no excuses.
47:44
SPEAKER_02: Washington Commanders this week unveiled their new uniforms.
47:48
SPEAKER_02: Uh fans will continue.
47:51
SPEAKER_02: I I don't know.
47:52
SPEAKER_02: I that's not in order.
47:53
SPEAKER_08: I know I'll try to change it.
47:54
SPEAKER_08: I won't want to change it.
47:55
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
47:57
SPEAKER_02: There we go.
47:58
SPEAKER_02: There we go.
47:59
SPEAKER_08: I keep clicking, I'm like, come on.
48:01
SPEAKER_02: The uh Washington Commanders unveiled new uniforms this week.
48:05
SPEAKER_02: Uh fans will continue to wear looks of extreme disappointment this season.
48:10
SPEAKER_10: So it's uh yeah.
48:12
SPEAKER_02: The uh president of FIFA expects Iran to participate in the World Cup uh despite the ongoing conflict in the Middle East.
48:22
SPEAKER_02: You know, Iran has no chance, especially if they close off their goal like they've closed off the Strait of Humanity.
48:27
SPEAKER_02: So it's not gonna be pretty.
48:31
SPEAKER_02: Uh Azi FUD.
48:33
SPEAKER_02: And you're saying who?
48:36
SPEAKER_02: Yes, the number she went uh number one in the NBA draft.
48:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh she was selected by the Dallas Wings, although the sorting hat put her in a in Hufflepuffs.
48:52
SPEAKER_02: So um yeah, I don't know.
48:54
SPEAKER_02: Is anybody watching the W NBA?
48:56
SPEAKER_08: I mean it's probably about the same out of the viewers as uh the NBA.
49:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
49:04
SPEAKER_02: NBA Legend Sue Bird and soccer star Megan Rapineau are breaking up this week.
49:10
SPEAKER_02: Long time have been a couple, or as they call it, a conscious uncisoring.
49:17
SPEAKER_02: Oh god.
49:22
SPEAKER_02: It's not right.
49:23
SPEAKER_02: LeBron James set a new NBA record this week when his son Brony joined him on the court during the Lakers' first game of the playoffs.
49:30
SPEAKER_02: The record, uh, worst nepotism, I think.
49:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
49:34
SPEAKER_02: Anyway.
49:35
SPEAKER_02: Uh let's get let's let's get to the uh NBA playoffs.
49:38
SPEAKER_02: Already delivering more drama than your ex's group chat.
49:41
SPEAKER_02: The Orlando Magic just walked into Detroit, smacked the number one seeded Pistons, 112 to 101, strolled out like they owned the place.
49:49
SPEAKER_02: And that was an eight-seed upsetting, the top dog on their home floor.
49:54
SPEAKER_02: That's not really basketball, fellas.
49:56
SPEAKER_02: That's straight up home invasion with jump shots.
49:59
SPEAKER_02: So uh Piston fans already burning jerseys.
50:02
SPEAKER_02: Magic got that young dog energy.
50:04
SPEAKER_02: They showed up hungry while Detroit looked like they were still checking their fantasy football lineups.
50:10
SPEAKER_02: Um next game tomorrow.
50:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh, but the upset already in the books.
50:15
SPEAKER_02: Uh Victor Webinana just dropped a franchise 35 points in his playoff debut for the Spurs.
50:23
SPEAKER_02: 35.
50:24
SPEAKER_08: This kid is I heard he's phenomenal.
50:27
SPEAKER_02: He's 7'4 with arms longer than a CVS receipt.
50:33
SPEAKER_02: He's out there making grown men look like they're playing in traffic cones.
50:37
SPEAKER_02: Uh, Spurs took care of the Trailblazers 111 to 98 in game one, and he he didn't just debut.
50:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh Wemby announced.
50:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh, over in Boston, the Celtics reminded everybody why they're the champs.
50:51
SPEAKER_02: They dropped 123 on the 76ers, 123 to 91.
50:55
SPEAKER_02: Jason Tatum eased back like he into Boston, like he never left.
51:00
SPEAKER_02: And Philly looked like they left Joel Embed's size 17 shoes at home.
51:04
SPEAKER_02: Uh game two underway tonight.
51:07
SPEAKER_02: And on the West Coast, the uh Lakers edge the Rockets 107 to 98 in game one.
51:12
SPEAKER_02: LeBron still out there doing LeBron things while half the roster is held together by duct tape and prayers.
51:18
SPEAKER_02: Uh game two tonight at 10:30.
51:21
SPEAKER_02: If the Lakers want to keep this thing alive, uh Braun needs to change um needs needs to channel 2016 speech mode.
51:32
SPEAKER_02: So uh what's that?
51:36
SPEAKER_08: You have something running on your computer in the background because you keep freezing.
51:40
SPEAKER_08: Uh anything software or something?
51:45
SPEAKER_08: Just it's like every couple minutes you lock right up.
51:49
SPEAKER_10: No, but I have a couple windows open.
51:51
SPEAKER_10: I'll get rid of those.
51:52
SPEAKER_10: How about that?
51:53
SPEAKER_08: I mean, you come back, just you're about a half a story ahead.
51:59
SPEAKER_10: Okay.
52:01
SPEAKER_10: Oh, that's great.
52:04
SPEAKER_10: You know what I just did?
52:06
SPEAKER_10: But I closed my show notes.
52:11
SPEAKER_10: Hold on.
52:12
SPEAKER_08: Uh so based on the pictures, the next picture we have is LeBron James.
52:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we're done with that.
52:20
SPEAKER_02: We're we're moving on to uh we're moving on to hockey NHL here.
52:24
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
52:25
SPEAKER_08: So we have a red and white and blue jersey, Canadians.
52:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
52:31
SPEAKER_02: Um hold on one second.
52:34
SPEAKER_10: Let me just get there.
52:35
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I passed it.
52:39
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, switching to the ice, NHL playoffs, pure violence, which is exactly how we like it.
52:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh the uh Buffalo Sabres stealing game one from Boston 4-3.
52:50
SPEAKER_02: First playoff appearance in forever, and they come out swinging like they've been waiting since the Obama administration.
52:56
SPEAKER_02: Bruins fans are uh are pacing.
52:59
SPEAKER_02: Uh the series is gonna be a bloodbath, so uh bring helmets and and bail money for that one if you're going to the going to the ice.
53:07
SPEAKER_02: Uh baseball notes, Yankee haters.
53:09
SPEAKER_02: Red Sox host the Bronx Bombers tomorrow night at Fenway.
53:13
SPEAKER_02: Uh Yankees are rolling.
53:15
SPEAKER_02: Sox just had a day off to remember how to swing the bat.
53:18
SPEAKER_02: Um it's gonna be a classic rivalry beatdown, I think, for the Yanks, but uh we'll we'll we'll have to see.
53:27
SPEAKER_02: Um Sox.
53:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:29
SPEAKER_02: Finally, NFL draft starts Thursday night in Pittsburgh.
53:34
SPEAKER_02: Two days.
53:35
SPEAKER_02: Fellas Mox drafts uh are flying, GMs are sweating, some college kid is about to get handed more money than your mortgage.
53:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh keep your eyes open on quarterbacks and the uh trenches.
53:47
SPEAKER_02: That's gonna be the top dog.
53:51
SPEAKER_02: Well, I mean, I don't know because I'm a Philadelphia Eagles fan.
53:57
SPEAKER_02: So um, we already have a team that's going all the way this year.
54:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
54:05
SPEAKER_02: So the draft really doesn't mean anything to us.
54:07
SPEAKER_08: So based off Google, top prospects include uh Elite Safety Kelp Downs from Ohio State, quarterback Faneto Mendo Mendoza, Mendoza from Indiana.
54:18
SPEAKER_02: It's probably gonna go to the Raiders because they have the first pick.
54:22
SPEAKER_08: Um Ruben Bain Jr.
54:29
SPEAKER_02: is a who's an edge rusher.
54:30
SPEAKER_08: Good job tonight.
54:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
54:33
SPEAKER_02: So uh we'll we'll we'll go over all of that next week to tell you who who the big winners and who the big losers were.
54:39
SPEAKER_02: That's your armchair legends tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
54:44
SPEAKER_01: And now the Red Foreman Awards, where you make dumb choices, you will win dumbass awards.
54:49
SPEAKER_02: Dumbass.
54:50
SPEAKER_02: You dumbass.
55:01
SPEAKER_02: Alrighty, welcome to the uh Red Foreman Awards on the Alpha Men Podcast, the only award show where the trophy is a size 12 steel-toed boot delivered straight to the ass.
55:10
SPEAKER_02: Brought to you by Point Plains Point Place's patron, Saint of Dumbass or he himself, Red Foreman.
55:17
SPEAKER_02: Uh tonight uh we're handing out golden Foremans to the absolute cream of the crop.
55:21
SPEAKER_02: Mouth breathers, window lickers, Darwin Award winners, contending morons who are single-handedly keeping the gene pool from evolving too fast.
55:30
SPEAKER_02: Real people, real stupidity, zero excuses.
55:34
SPEAKER_02: And our first award tonight is the Supra Speeding Braindead Bimbo Award.
55:40
SPEAKER_02: What the hell?
55:41
SPEAKER_02: Uh it goes to Syria Lopez, 25 years old, from you want to guess?
55:46
SPEAKER_02: You want to guess?
55:46
SPEAKER_02: Anybody want to guess?
55:48
SPEAKER_02: Come on, guess.
55:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she's from Florida.
55:50
SPEAKER_02: Uh, doing 123 miles per hour through a residential neighborhood, three times the damn speed limit.
55:58
SPEAKER_02: Blackout drunk, 0.23 on the uh breathalyzer.
56:03
SPEAKER_02: When cops asked like she was driving like a bat out of hell, she said, uh, well, my boyfriend let me drive, and he has a supra.
56:12
SPEAKER_02: So I thought it was okay to go fast because it's a fast car.
56:16
SPEAKER_08: I mean, that's fair argument.
56:17
SPEAKER_08: That's that's that's uh woman money.
56:22
SPEAKER_02: Toyota doesn't grant you superpowers, ma'am.
56:25
SPEAKER_02: You drunk idiot.
56:26
SPEAKER_02: Doesn't ask her.
56:28
SPEAKER_02: Uh you uh she got slapped with DUI, super speeder charges, which is a thing in uh Florida.
56:35
SPEAKER_02: They have an additional charge if you're going a certain mile an hour over the uh the speed limit, careless driving, and a ticket for a modified exhaust.
56:43
SPEAKER_02: So uh uh too stupid to be even a cautionary tale, Syria.
56:47
SPEAKER_02: You're you're the reason we put warning labels on everything.
56:51
SPEAKER_02: Uh the uh mustard river poisoner award tonight, and the envelope, please.
56:57
SPEAKER_02: The winner, Charles Santitz, 60 years old from New Hampshire.
57:04
SPEAKER_02: This greedy old Dingbat owns the old Dutch mustard company.
57:08
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I heard about this.
57:10
SPEAKER_02: And he spent six years secretly pumping toxic mustard wastewater through the pipe straight into the Solhegan River just so he could save a couple bucks.
57:22
SPEAKER_02: Uh, he even threatened to fire employees if they didn't help him pollute.
57:25
SPEAKER_02: Now he's headed to prison for 18 months, and his company owes$1.5 million for the cleanup.
57:33
SPEAKER_02: So uh you couldn't even keep the mustard clean, Chuck.
57:36
SPEAKER_02: Come on.
57:37
SPEAKER_02: You know?
57:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
57:40
SPEAKER_02: Let's hope prison food tastes like your own polluted polluted river water.
57:43
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
57:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh the uh sober bar hypocrite drunk award.
57:49
SPEAKER_02: Put those words together for just a second.
57:52
SPEAKER_02: Re-rehash that in your head.
57:54
SPEAKER_02: The sober bar hypocrite drunk award goes to Hayden Gerrity, 33 years old from Aberdeen, Scotland.
58:05
SPEAKER_02: Um, sober has been featured in magazines around the world as the best non-alcoholic bar in the world.
58:16
SPEAKER_02: The manager, Hayden Garrity, runs an alcohol-free bar for people who want to party without the hangover.
58:25
SPEAKER_02: Uh, meanwhile, on the way home from work the other night, from work, Hayden got caught driving more than four times the legal limit.
58:33
SPEAKER_02: Slumped over the wheel like a sack of potato after crashing his car into a tree.
58:39
SPEAKER_02: Um, something tells me he's drinking at work.
58:44
SPEAKER_02: No.
58:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
58:46
SPEAKER_02: Dumbass.
58:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
58:48
SPEAKER_02: Couldn't even stay sober long enough to drive home from your alcohol-free workplace.
58:53
SPEAKER_02: You know?
58:54
SPEAKER_02: Uh, okay.
58:55
SPEAKER_02: The One Minute Workplace Psycho Award goes to McKinley.
59:02
SPEAKER_02: What a first name that is.
59:04
SPEAKER_02: McKinley Pace Jr., 35 years old from my home state of Pennsylvania.
59:09
SPEAKER_02: Now, McKinley is a Ragefield moron.
59:14
SPEAKER_02: He clocked in at Denunzio's restaurant where he works, and within one single minute of his clock-in, announced he was gonna punch his co-worker in the face.
59:27
SPEAKER_02: And then actually did it multiple times.
59:30
SPEAKER_02: Followed by punching the guy's wife, too.
59:34
SPEAKER_02: Damn.
59:35
SPEAKER_02: Very efficient.
59:38
SPEAKER_02: He's on the clock, you know?
59:40
SPEAKER_02: He's got his money.
59:42
SPEAKER_02: You're not just an a-hole, McKinley.
59:44
SPEAKER_02: You're a world wrecking hold world record holding dumbass.
59:48
SPEAKER_02: You spent the land speed record for getting fired and arrested on the same day.
59:54
SPEAKER_02: Uh the only thing you punched harder than the guy's face was your own future.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_02: And uh finally, the Subway Cookie Psycho Karen Award goes to.
1:00:07
SPEAKER_02: I'm not even sure how to pronounce this.
1:00:09
SPEAKER_02: It's Monique with an I in front of it.
1:00:13
SPEAKER_02: So it's like I apostrophe Monique.
1:00:16
SPEAKER_02: I'm unique, unique, I don't know.
1:00:20
SPEAKER_02: I'm Monique Clark, 33 years old.
1:00:23
SPEAKER_02: You want to guess where she's from?
1:00:25
SPEAKER_02: Anyone?
1:00:26
SPEAKER_02: Anyone?
1:00:26
SPEAKER_02: Florida.
1:00:29
SPEAKER_08: I'm Mik did what you.
1:00:30
SPEAKER_08: If you notice most of these stories come from the East Coast.
1:00:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:00:34
SPEAKER_08: Mostly from Florida.
1:00:35
SPEAKER_02: I'm Monique did uh what you or I would do in her situation.
1:00:39
SPEAKER_02: I mean, come on.
1:00:41
SPEAKER_02: She walked into a subway sandwich shop, ordered a sandwich, the subway artist, sandwich artist, put peppers on it that she didn't ask for.
1:00:54
SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
1:00:55
SPEAKER_02: She went into a full nuclear meltdown, shoved the cash reser and the printer off the counter, then started grabbing trays of cookies, slam them all over the ground.
1:01:06
SPEAKER_02: Destroyed 37 cookies, by the way.
1:01:08
SPEAKER_02: They counted.
1:01:09
SPEAKER_02: Uh, like a toddler on bath salts, all caught on camera, with her real name on the order.
1:01:17
SPEAKER_02: So, um, Emonique, you're uh unstable.
1:01:23
SPEAKER_02: You didn't just throw a tantrum, you threw a full on felony over some freaking peppers.
1:01:27
SPEAKER_02: Pick them off like a normal adult, okay?
1:01:31
SPEAKER_02: You know?
1:01:32
SPEAKER_02: That is a wrap.
1:01:33
SPEAKER_08: That's two weeks in a row of cookies.
1:01:35
SPEAKER_08: Last week was McDonald's.
1:01:36
SPEAKER_02: McDonald's cookies, yeah.
1:01:38
SPEAKER_08: Someway.
1:01:39
SPEAKER_02: And that's a wrap on this week's Red Foreman Awards on the Alpha Men podcast.
1:02:06
SPEAKER_02: Total, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_02: Five.
1:02:12
SPEAKER_08: This kid has five wins.
1:02:15
SPEAKER_08: It's fixed.
1:02:17
SPEAKER_08: Same as, oh, we'll get into that.
1:02:19
SPEAKER_08: Same as Richard Petty, Dale and Hart, Kale Arbo.
1:02:27
SPEAKER_08: Kyle, Kale Arbor Yarborough.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_08: Holy shit, what's his name now?
1:02:30
SPEAKER_08: Cale Yarborough.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_08: Yarborough, thank you.
1:02:34
SPEAKER_08: He's the only one that has done that in the first nine races of NASCAR history.
1:02:39
SPEAKER_08: So he's on fire.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_02: Um I don't think Tyler Reddick winning a billion races is good for ratings.
1:02:49
SPEAKER_02: Just saying.
1:02:50
SPEAKER_08: Well, you think maybe I'm wrong, but you know seven?
1:02:54
SPEAKER_08: I think seven races have been Toyotas.
1:02:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:02:58
SPEAKER_08: They weren't Supras.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_07: Right.
1:03:01
SPEAKER_08: They were definitely Toyotas.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_02: So listen, anytime you pass Kyle Larson on the final lap, you're you're you're doing something right.
1:03:08
SPEAKER_02: So I gotta give him that.
1:03:10
SPEAKER_08: But um I just wonder how much money Michael Jordan spent on that lawsuit to make this all happen.
1:03:19
SPEAKER_08: See?
1:03:20
SPEAKER_08: So now you're getting into it.
1:03:22
SPEAKER_08: I've been into it.
1:03:23
SPEAKER_08: I've I've seen it.
1:03:24
SPEAKER_08: I haven't seen it.
1:03:25
SPEAKER_08: I mean, I now I like I told you before, you can't rig a race.
1:03:30
SPEAKER_08: Right.
1:03:31
SPEAKER_08: But you can change the outcome.
1:03:34
SPEAKER_08: You can change the lineup for the last 10 laps.
1:03:37
SPEAKER_08: You can change the outcome of a race, every race.
1:03:39
SPEAKER_08: No matter how it's done, you can change the outcome.
1:03:41
SPEAKER_08: All it takes is that little yellow flag.
1:03:43
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_08: But Tyler Reddick is winning on freaking 23XI has figured something out.
1:03:48
SPEAKER_08: I think the money that they got from NASCAR, they put it in some RD because they have figured out something.
1:03:54
SPEAKER_08: Or they're cheating.
1:03:56
SPEAKER_08: They could be.
1:03:57
SPEAKER_08: I mean I mean, I don't work for my voice, I don't give a shit.
1:04:00
SPEAKER_08: So my honest opinion, I think there's a little bit more foul play into it than there really is.
1:04:06
SPEAKER_02: Well, Dale Earnhardt did it, what, 1987, right?
1:04:10
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that was the year that he was stacking wins like Kansas tuna.
1:04:16
SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, I I will tell you, I uh the Bristol attendance, we'll get into I guess we're gonna get into that a little bit later on, maybe, but um uh there are some bigger things that we need to get into because the media all this week, I even saw it on Fox News with Sean Hannity.
1:04:39
SPEAKER_02: You tell me the last time that NASCAR has penetrated Sean Hannity, but he he interviewed Kyle Bush this week and they talked all about the Denny thing.
1:04:49
SPEAKER_08: That's my next topic is about yeah, about Kyle and Denny.
1:04:53
SPEAKER_08: So I mean, Denny, I listen to the podcast.
1:04:56
SPEAKER_08: I actually this is this I don't watch races.
1:04:57
SPEAKER_08: I am not supporting NASCAR.
1:04:59
SPEAKER_08: I'm sorry, it's uh I'm I'm not doing it.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_02: If you're new to the show, John worked for many, many years as a NASCAR official and in the tower, and he kind of got hosed this past fall.
1:05:11
SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
1:05:12
SPEAKER_02: Someday we'll tell you the story and put like a sad violin behind it and the whole nine year old.
1:05:17
SPEAKER_02: Still fucking better about it.
1:05:20
SPEAKER_08: Um but I listen, I listen to every week, I listen to Denny's podcast.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_08: This is how I know who's really, besides my social media feeds, right?
1:05:28
SPEAKER_08: Who won, what's going on.
1:05:29
unknown: Yeah.
1:05:30
SPEAKER_08: And Denny didn't bash on Kyle.
1:05:33
SPEAKER_08: He he bashed on the whole organization saying they can't figure it out.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_08: And then Kyle today rebutled with a comment saying, Yeah, back in 2023, when I won those three races, our CR had something figured out, but NASCAR told them to stop.
1:05:47
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:05:48
SPEAKER_02: So I think that's I mean, here's the thing Denny runs one of the biggest podcasts in in NASCAR.
1:05:55
SPEAKER_02: It's it's on Dale Junior's podcast forum.
1:05:59
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, he's got to say something.
1:06:02
SPEAKER_02: I don't think he really said anything that was terrible about Kyle Bush.
1:06:06
SPEAKER_02: I think this is more Kyle Bush being Kyle Bush, and Kyle Bush being really, really unhappy with RCR and things not going the right way.
1:06:15
SPEAKER_02: And like Danny said, where is Kyle gonna go?
1:06:18
SPEAKER_08: He has nowhere to go.
1:06:20
SPEAKER_08: There's no like I guess this is gonna be the biggest season of movements in a long time, but nobody's gonna pay Kyle the what money he needs or wants.
1:06:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:06:30
SPEAKER_02: So anyway, we'll see.
1:06:33
SPEAKER_02: We'll see.
1:06:33
SPEAKER_02: What's next?
1:06:34
SPEAKER_08: That's all I got on the topic of besides is it rigged?
1:06:39
SPEAKER_08: But I'm gonna save that for another race.
1:06:41
unknown: Yeah.
1:06:42
SPEAKER_02: Well, did you see the Jeremy Mayfield thing?
1:06:43
SPEAKER_02: I I gotta talk about Jeremy Mayfield.
1:06:45
SPEAKER_08: I didn't see anything about Mayfield.
1:06:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:06:48
SPEAKER_02: Um he kind of this week took a torch to NASCAR after um the Bristol race.
1:06:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:06:58
SPEAKER_02: And basically said, You gotta be kidding me.
1:07:04
SPEAKER_02: You go back and you look at the footage from that race, Bristol is half empty.
1:07:09
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
1:07:10
SPEAKER_02: It's half empty.
1:07:12
SPEAKER_02: You know?
1:07:13
SPEAKER_02: And um Mayfield was like, when the biggest story is about how many people are staying home to watch a golf tournament in Georgia, uh, the sport's in a coma.
1:07:27
SPEAKER_02: You know, he said Ty Gibbs got his first win in front of a hundred thousand empty seats.
1:07:33
SPEAKER_02: It looked like a COVID-area race out there.
1:07:36
SPEAKER_02: If the world's fastest half mile can't outdraw a Sunday at Augusta, then NASCAR has officially lost the South.
1:07:44
SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
1:07:46
SPEAKER_02: Is it the car?
1:07:47
SPEAKER_02: Is it the drivers?
1:07:48
SPEAKER_02: Or has the Colossus become a graveyard?
1:07:52
SPEAKER_02: Tell me I'm wrong.
1:07:53
SPEAKER_02: I surely ain't telling you, uh, Jeremy, that you're wrong.
1:07:59
SPEAKER_02: Because I've been making this argument for a long time.
1:08:02
SPEAKER_08: So it's it's definitely a what do you call it?
1:08:07
SPEAKER_08: Um they know it's spiraling down, but yet they sign that huge multi-billion dollar TV deal.
1:08:15
SPEAKER_02: The TV deal.
1:08:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:08:16
SPEAKER_08: And all that money's, I mean, almost 70% of that money goes to drivers, teams, owners.
1:08:24
SPEAKER_08: And all that.
1:08:25
SPEAKER_02: But here's the deal: if the crowds aren't there and the ratings aren't there, that TV deal's gonna end one day.
1:08:30
SPEAKER_08: Oh, yeah.
1:08:31
SPEAKER_02: And it will bankrupt them.
1:08:33
SPEAKER_08: That's right.
1:08:33
SPEAKER_02: That's it will bankrupt them.
1:08:35
SPEAKER_08: So there's been rumors when I was working there of they bought Race Electronics, they bought the market the TV to marketing, they owned share in Amazon, they owned share in uh there's a couple other things, and they've bought these things out.
1:08:52
SPEAKER_08: I think a lot of us thought this when I was working there was they're building this one big package to sell off, you know, and become a nothing but uh streaming package to a different private investor company.
1:09:07
SPEAKER_08: And it'll want to be all about a friend's family.
1:09:10
SPEAKER_02: Well, we shall see.
1:09:12
SPEAKER_02: That's red flag rants tonight on the Alpha Medical.
1:09:15
SPEAKER_02: Uh, wait a minute.
1:09:16
SPEAKER_02: We're we're off to Dagger, right?
1:09:17
SPEAKER_02: Is that where we're going next?
1:09:19
SPEAKER_08: Yes, we're having.
1:09:20
SPEAKER_08: Uh where are we going?
1:09:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we're no, we're going to Dagger.
1:09:23
SPEAKER_02: We're going to Daga.
1:09:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they tested this week at Chicagoland.
1:09:28
SPEAKER_02: So um, off to Dega this week and love me some DAGA.
1:09:32
SPEAKER_02: I will be watching that one.
1:09:33
SPEAKER_02: I will not be.
1:09:35
SPEAKER_02: That's uh red flag rants on the AlphaMed podcast.
1:09:51
SPEAKER_04: You are fake.
1:09:57
SPEAKER_02: Time for real or fake news, part of the show where I feed Baby Huey five of the most insane headlines from this week.
1:10:03
SPEAKER_02: Four of them are 100% made-up bullcrap.
1:10:06
SPEAKER_02: Only one is gloriously and embarrassingly real.
1:10:11
SPEAKER_02: Baby Huey, are you ready for your headlines?
1:10:15
SPEAKER_09: No.
1:10:16
SPEAKER_02: Uh, you can follow along and play our home game uh and see if you can identify the real news story tonight on real or fake news.
1:10:26
SPEAKER_02: Headline number one.
1:10:28
SPEAKER_02: Florida man's pet python swallows his inherited$24,000 Rolex.
1:10:35
SPEAKER_08: That'd be two pythons.
1:10:37
SPEAKER_08: One head, one tail.
1:10:41
SPEAKER_02: California sentences three in fake bear suit attack, luxury car insurance scam.
1:10:50
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:10:51
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:10:53
SPEAKER_02: New York grandma busted for running underground bingo hall using trained parrots to call numbers.
1:11:07
SPEAKER_02: New Mexico driver pulled over in 25 mile per hour school zone, doing 53 on modified mobility scooter.
1:11:16
SPEAKER_02: I believe that.
1:11:19
SPEAKER_02: And final headline London subway rider detained after attempting to board train with large living room love seat strapped to his back.
1:11:34
SPEAKER_08: Was it New York?
1:11:36
SPEAKER_02: London.
1:11:37
SPEAKER_02: London.
1:11:37
SPEAKER_02: Oh, London.
1:11:38
SPEAKER_02: London.
1:11:39
SPEAKER_02: So uh Florida Man, Pet Python swallows Rolex.
1:11:44
SPEAKER_02: California sentences bear suit attack luxury car insurance scam.
1:11:49
SPEAKER_02: New York grandma busted running underground Bengal Hall using train parrots.
1:11:53
SPEAKER_02: New Mexico driver pulled over in a 25 mile per hour school zone doing 53 on a modified mobility scooter.
1:12:01
SPEAKER_02: And London subway rider detained after attempting to board train with large love seat strapped to his back.
1:12:10
SPEAKER_02: One of those is real.
1:12:11
SPEAKER_02: Four of them are completely made up.
1:12:16
SPEAKER_08: They're terrible.
1:12:19
SPEAKER_08: Um they're terrible.
1:12:22
SPEAKER_08: God.
1:12:22
SPEAKER_08: These all sound legit though.
1:12:25
SPEAKER_08: I think I saw something about the freaking sofa one.
1:12:30
SPEAKER_08: About the what?
1:12:31
SPEAKER_08: The sofa.
1:12:32
SPEAKER_08: I think I saw something on the social media about somebody doing that.
1:12:35
SPEAKER_08: I'm gonna go, I'm going with the social.
1:12:36
SPEAKER_08: I think I've seen that.
1:12:37
SPEAKER_08: The sofa.
1:12:38
SPEAKER_08: The love seat.
1:12:41
SPEAKER_08: Completely made.
1:12:43
SPEAKER_08: Alright, I'm gonna take one more guest then.
1:12:46
SPEAKER_08: The bears.
1:12:47
SPEAKER_03: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
1:12:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, go to the next picture because you're not gonna believe what you see.
1:13:04
SPEAKER_02: Three people sentenced this week for the uh scheme.
1:13:08
SPEAKER_02: Yep, sucking right.
1:13:09
SPEAKER_02: Uh they had one accomplice in a full bear suit claw up or smash high-end vehicles.
1:13:16
SPEAKER_02: Fancy cars left vulnerable in driveways or lots.
1:13:19
SPEAKER_02: Then they claim it was a real-life wildlife encounter to cash in on the insurance payoffs, payouts.
1:13:26
SPEAKER_02: It went on long enough to rack up serious charges before authorities caught on to the costume evidence and the inconsistencies.
1:13:34
SPEAKER_02: It really is peak off-beat absurdity.
1:13:37
SPEAKER_02: I mean, Equal Parts cartoonish heist movie, and how did they ever think this would freaking work comedy?
1:13:44
SPEAKER_02: You know, but the mental image of a guy in that bear suit going full method actor on a Lamborghini.
1:13:52
SPEAKER_02: I gave them props, though.
1:13:53
SPEAKER_08: They use those the meat pooler calls.
1:13:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:13:57
SPEAKER_02: So um it it hits that perfect weird news sweet spot.
1:14:03
SPEAKER_02: So uh nonetheless, uh, you got it.
1:14:06
SPEAKER_02: That is the real news on real or fake news tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
1:14:13
SPEAKER_01: The Married Man Survival Guide is your playbook for staying alive in a world where you're always wrong, even when you're right.
1:14:20
SPEAKER_01: We'll teach you how to pick your battle, apologize strategically, and survive marriage with your sanity, snaps, and TV remote and tech.
1:14:34
SPEAKER_02: Alright, time for the uh Married Man's Survival Guide, gentlemen.
1:14:37
SPEAKER_02: Uh, the ultimate survival manual, the Married Man's Survival Guide.
1:14:41
SPEAKER_02: Because let's be real, if you're married, you're not just surviving a relationship, you're surviving a full contact sport with no timeouts, no refs, and penalties that last longer than a patch game in overtime.
1:14:53
SPEAKER_02: Uh tip number one this week, we've got five fresh ones for you.
1:14:57
SPEAKER_02: Avoid the are you eating again interrogation.
1:15:03
SPEAKER_02: Master the silent refrigerator raid.
1:15:07
SPEAKER_02: Okay?
1:15:07
SPEAKER_02: Learn to open the fridge at 1 a.m.
1:15:10
SPEAKER_02: without the light turning on or bottles clinking.
1:15:14
SPEAKER_02: The goal to get the leftover wings without waking up and triggering that are you eating again interrogation.
1:15:21
SPEAKER_02: Ninja level ability is awarded to those who can open one of those plastic cake or pie pants without it sounding like a plane just hit the house.
1:15:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:15:34
SPEAKER_02: Tip number two.
1:15:36
SPEAKER_02: The throne rule.
1:15:39
SPEAKER_02: This is international married man law.
1:15:41
SPEAKER_02: These photos are last week's.
1:15:45
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:15:46
SPEAKER_02: Once you sit down on the toilet, you're officially off duty for the next 30 minutes.
1:15:52
SPEAKER_02: Amen.
1:15:53
SPEAKER_02: No chores, no questions, no, can you grab the no post a do not disturb sign if you have to.
1:16:01
SPEAKER_02: Tip number three tonight: the emergency compliment list.
1:16:08
SPEAKER_02: Keep a hidden emergency compliment list in your phone.
1:16:13
SPEAKER_02: When she asks, does this make me look fat?
1:16:18
SPEAKER_02: You got three preloaded, sincere lines ready to go.
1:16:22
SPEAKER_02: Bonus point, if you address how the dress brings out her eyes, even if it's a potato sack.
1:16:35
SPEAKER_02: Potato sack.
1:16:37
SPEAKER_02: Tip number four! The fake snore ruse! Learn the sacred art of the fake snore.
1:16:46
SPEAKER_02: Especially when she wants to talk about her friend's cousin's wedding seating chart at 1147 p.m.
1:16:53
SPEAKER_02: A well-timed, realistic snore can save your life.
1:16:59
SPEAKER_02: Advanced users can combine it with a gentle leg twitch for maximal authenticity.
1:17:07
SPEAKER_02: And finally, embrace the decoy hobby strategy.
1:17:13
SPEAKER_02: Okay?
1:17:14
SPEAKER_02: Always have a decoy hobby ready for that time when she wants to go antique shopping on Saturday.
1:17:23
SPEAKER_02: Tell her you already promised the boys you'd help for them fix the boat.
1:17:28
SPEAKER_02: Now there is no boat.
1:17:30
SPEAKER_02: There never will be a boat.
1:17:33
SPEAKER_02: Protect the secret with your life.
1:17:36
SPEAKER_02: And that's the Married Man Survival Guide tonight.
1:17:39
SPEAKER_02: On the Alpha Men Podcast.
1:17:44
SPEAKER_01: Views, jokes, opinions, and heart takes shared on this podcast are for entertainment purposes only and are not filtered by suffering or triggered for sensitivity.
1:17:52
SPEAKER_01: If you are offended, uncomfortable, or triggered by quantum human sarcasm, unqualified opinion.
1:17:58
SPEAKER_01: That's a good thing.
1:18:18
SPEAKER_02: As if you were believing it anyway, all night.
1:18:21
SPEAKER_02: Grab a cold one and just unload a hot tank with zero filter.
1:18:25
SPEAKER_02: No doctors, no therapists, no common sense, just raw, unhinged opinions.
1:18:30
SPEAKER_02: And we wrap this bad boy up tonight with unfiltered and unqualified.
1:18:36
SPEAKER_02: And fellas, tonight we need to talk about something serious.
1:18:39
SPEAKER_02: The death of hanging out.
1:18:43
SPEAKER_02: Now I don't know when it happened.
1:18:45
SPEAKER_02: I don't remember a ceremony.
1:18:47
SPEAKER_02: There certainly wasn't a funeral, no folded flag.
1:18:51
SPEAKER_02: It wasn't a 21-gun salute.
1:18:55
SPEAKER_02: But as we got older somewhere, brothers, hey man, you want to hang out?
1:19:01
SPEAKER_02: Turned into a full-blown corporate planning meeting.
1:19:06
SPEAKER_02: And I don't know what ever happened to just showing up.
1:19:10
SPEAKER_02: John, you remember when we used to knock on doors and just go, hey, you alive?
1:19:14
SPEAKER_02: Cool, let's go.
1:19:15
SPEAKER_02: You in?
1:19:16
SPEAKER_02: Right?
1:19:18
SPEAKER_02: Now it's hey bro, what's your availability looking like next Thursday between 6.15 and 6.40?
1:19:24
SPEAKER_02: Pending spousal approval and weather conditions, of course.
1:19:28
SPEAKER_09: I'm busy.
1:19:37
SPEAKER_02: Now it's a group text, a backup group text, a poll, a spreadsheet, and one guy who never responds but somehow shows up anyway like a ghost with a six-pack.
1:19:48
SPEAKER_02: And don't even try same-day plans anymore.
1:19:51
SPEAKER_02: Same day plans.
1:19:54
SPEAKER_02: That's offensive.
1:19:56
SPEAKER_02: Like you text a guy at 3 p.m.
1:19:58
SPEAKER_02: Like, yo, you want to have a beer tonight?
1:20:00
SPEAKER_02: And he hits you back at 9 47.
1:20:03
SPEAKER_02: Oh, just saw this man.
1:20:04
SPEAKER_02: Crazy day.
1:20:05
SPEAKER_02: Rain check.
1:20:06
SPEAKER_02: Come on.
1:20:07
SPEAKER_02: Rain check.
1:20:08
SPEAKER_02: It's a Miller Light brother.
1:20:10
SPEAKER_02: It's not a colonoscopy.
1:20:13
SPEAKER_02: And the group chat, let's talk about that for a second.
1:20:17
SPEAKER_02: Because that's where hanging out goes to die.
1:20:22
SPEAKER_02: You got 47 messages.
1:20:24
SPEAKER_02: 45 of them are Dallas Cowboys memes.
1:20:28
SPEAKER_02: Two are a guy saying two of them are a laughing emoji from the unmanliest guy in your group.
1:20:38
SPEAKER_02: And buried in there, there's one like one dude saying, Hey, we all free Saturday?
1:20:45
SPEAKER_02: And what happens?
1:20:46
SPEAKER_02: Silence.
1:20:47
SPEAKER_02: Nothing.
1:20:48
SPEAKER_02: It's like you asked them to help move a couch uphill in the rain.
1:20:53
SPEAKER_02: And then three days later, somebody responds, like clockwork, oh, just saw this now.
1:20:59
SPEAKER_02: What's the plan?
1:21:01
SPEAKER_02: The plan, the plan was to hang out, Chad.
1:21:05
SPEAKER_02: Okay?
1:21:06
SPEAKER_02: But that was during the Obama administration.
1:21:09
SPEAKER_02: And then you finally get a plan together.
1:21:13
SPEAKER_02: It takes eleven texts, two cancellations, one my kid has a thing, and a miracle for you.
1:21:49
SPEAKER_08: Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.
1:21:53
SPEAKER_08: As he would say, Well about champagne budget.
1:21:57
SPEAKER_09: Champagne show out a beer budget.
1:22:06
SPEAKER_08: Finally get the planet guy who takes 11 tags, two cancellations, my kid has a thing, and America for God.
1:22:14
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, this is a sounds good.
1:22:15
SPEAKER_08: I'm not a script reading type of guy.
1:22:18
SPEAKER_08: He is.
1:22:19
SPEAKER_08: Oh, he's offline.
1:22:20
SPEAKER_08: We've lost him.
1:22:23
SPEAKER_08: I'm pretty impressed.
1:22:24
SPEAKER_08: We started the show at 8:30 and it's now 9 42.
1:22:27
SPEAKER_08: We're half an hour late and we're 12 minutes over in almost start time.
1:22:31
SPEAKER_08: He'll be texting me a minute going, dude, this died, or I unplugged this.
1:22:37
SPEAKER_08: Um buddy.
1:22:54
SPEAKER_08: Um, I know he's got a video on this.
1:22:59
SPEAKER_08: He talks about you lock in Friday night, 7 p.m.
1:23:03
SPEAKER_08: Wayne Experience, Brotherhood, and what happens at 6 42.
1:23:06
SPEAKER_08: Hey boys, might be a little late.
1:23:07
SPEAKER_08: Transition, I'm not coming.
1:23:09
SPEAKER_08: So freaking true.
1:23:10
SPEAKER_08: It's like you know why, you know why he's talking about this, and he didn't even tell me any of this.
1:23:13
SPEAKER_08: It's social media.
1:23:15
SPEAKER_08: Everybody has cell phones, everybody's got all this crap, and that's that's what's it's made us all the freaking uh hermits and uh inverts.
1:23:25
SPEAKER_08: I guess innovative word.
1:23:27
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, so it's it's true.
1:23:32
SPEAKER_08: I'm reading this on my script right now.
1:23:35
SPEAKER_08: I'm not sure where he's at.
1:23:38
SPEAKER_08: I'll give him another uh minute or two, and then I'm gonna I could I could do the all-technical difficulty one.
1:23:45
SPEAKER_08: I haven't played that yet.
1:23:47
SPEAKER_08: But let's message him and see what he's up to.
1:23:53
SPEAKER_08: He's probably still talking, he has no clue his computer for us.
1:24:01
SPEAKER_09: Are you coming back or what?
1:24:06
SPEAKER_09: But yeah.
1:24:07
SPEAKER_09: Um he's freaking out right now, probably.
1:24:15
SPEAKER_02: All right.
1:24:16
SPEAKER_02: Here you go.
1:24:17
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
1:24:18
SPEAKER_02: I think we lost uh internet cat connectivity for a minute.
1:24:23
SPEAKER_08: Oh yeah.
1:24:24
SPEAKER_08: A thousand viewers when he disappeared.
1:24:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I bet we did.
1:24:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:24:29
SPEAKER_08: Now I suggest your script.
1:24:31
SPEAKER_08: I was like, nah, I can read the script.
1:24:34
SPEAKER_08: Uh yeah.
1:24:36
SPEAKER_02: So uh where do we leave off?
1:24:40
SPEAKER_02: I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.
1:24:43
SPEAKER_02: So um takes 11 text.
1:24:46
SPEAKER_02: Takes 11 text, two cancellations, one my kid has a thing, and a miracle for God to get the boys together.
1:24:52
SPEAKER_02: But you lock it in.
1:24:54
SPEAKER_02: Friday night, 7 o'clock, wings, beers, brotherhoods.
1:24:58
SPEAKER_02: And then at 6 42.
1:25:01
SPEAKER_02: Uh hey boys, I uh I might be a little late.
1:25:05
SPEAKER_02: Translation, I'm not coming.
1:25:08
SPEAKER_02: Then another guy.
1:25:09
SPEAKER_02: I I uh I actually gotta be up early tomorrow.
1:25:13
SPEAKER_02: For what?
1:25:14
SPEAKER_02: You're 38 and you sell HVAC filters.
1:25:17
SPEAKER_02: Calm down.
1:25:19
SPEAKER_02: By 7.15, it's just you and that one other guy who never responds to anything but always seems to show up.
1:25:28
SPEAKER_02: You're both sitting there like divorced dads on visitation weekend, and you look at each other so it's like, eh, screw this.
1:25:38
SPEAKER_02: You want to just go home?
1:25:40
SPEAKER_02: And the worst part is we all miss those days.
1:25:45
SPEAKER_02: We miss big dumb nights.
1:25:47
SPEAKER_02: No plans, no pressure.
1:25:49
SPEAKER_02: Just sitting around talking about absolutely nothing, and somehow it was always the best night of the week.
1:25:58
SPEAKER_02: But now, everything's gotta be an event.
1:26:03
SPEAKER_02: You can't just watch a game.
1:26:05
SPEAKER_02: It's gotta be reserved seating, specialty wings, craft beer, parking situation, babysitter, and somebody's gotta make a damn itinerary.
1:26:15
SPEAKER_02: It's a football game, not a wedding in Tuscany.
1:26:19
SPEAKER_02: And listen, I get it.
1:26:20
SPEAKER_02: We got jobs, we got wives, we got kids, we got responsibilities.
1:26:26
SPEAKER_02: But at some point we let hanging out turn into a logistical nightmare.
1:26:31
SPEAKER_02: We treated friendship like a dentist appointment.
1:26:35
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, man, I I can I can fit you in two Thursdays from now at 4 30.
1:26:41
SPEAKER_02: Does that work?
1:26:42
SPEAKER_02: No, it doesn't work.
1:26:45
SPEAKER_02: Because by then I don't even remember why I like you.
1:26:50
SPEAKER_02: And here's the truth.
1:26:52
SPEAKER_02: Nobody ever on their deathbed says, I wish I had scheduled fewer spontaneous hangouts.
1:27:01
SPEAKER_02: No guys are laying there like, man, I really nailed my calendar this year.
1:27:08
SPEAKER_02: No, they're thinking about the dumb stuff we did.
1:27:11
SPEAKER_02: The random nights, the laughs, the nonsense.
1:27:15
SPEAKER_02: So here's my unfiltered, unqualified advice.
1:27:20
SPEAKER_02: Stop scheduling your friends like it's a business meeting.
1:27:24
SPEAKER_02: Text a guy, call him, show up, kick the door like it's 2004.
1:27:30
SPEAKER_02: Bring beer, bring nothing, nobody cares.
1:27:34
SPEAKER_02: Because hanging out shouldn't require a login and a password and a confirmation email.
1:27:41
SPEAKER_02: It should require one thing.
1:27:44
SPEAKER_02: Yo, you in?
1:27:48
SPEAKER_02: And if the answer isn't yes, get new friends.
1:27:55
SPEAKER_08: I see once a year.
1:27:57
SPEAKER_02: That's too much.
1:28:03
SPEAKER_02: We see each other.
1:28:04
SPEAKER_02: We hang every week during this show.
1:28:08
SPEAKER_02: Before we go tonight, wait, does this video work or does it not work?
1:28:13
SPEAKER_08: It does work.
1:28:14
SPEAKER_08: Oh, it worked before the show.
1:28:17
SPEAKER_02: I want to leave you with something that's probably not gonna work.
1:28:22
SPEAKER_08: The internet works.
1:28:24
SPEAKER_08: What's gonna happen?
1:28:24
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, Joe's okay.
1:28:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, no, no, don't do, don't, don't, don't play anymore.
1:28:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, don't play anymore.
1:28:30
SPEAKER_02: Stop it.
1:28:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh, wait, I'm looking.
1:28:32
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:28:33
SPEAKER_02: Before we go tonight, I um I firmly believe the Savannah the Savannah bananas are just about the gayest thing I've ever seen.
1:28:45
SPEAKER_02: And here's the deal.
1:28:46
SPEAKER_02: I really loved the Harlem Globetrotters as a kid.
1:28:52
SPEAKER_02: And when they first came out, they billed the bananas as kind of the same thing with but with baseball, right?
1:28:58
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
1:28:59
SPEAKER_02: So I gotta I gotta I gotta give this a try.
1:29:02
SPEAKER_02: It was on Disney Plus.
1:29:05
SPEAKER_02: Which we only have because my daughter wants it.
1:29:09
SPEAKER_02: And it was uh nothing but a bunch of dudes trying to be the Backstreet Boys while while playing baseball.
1:29:16
SPEAKER_02: It sucks on ice.
1:29:17
SPEAKER_02: However, this past week, our video of the week, they did have a really funny moment in between innings the other night.
1:29:28
SPEAKER_02: A gender reveal gone way wrong.
1:29:32
SPEAKER_02: Go ahead, roll it.
1:29:48
SPEAKER_05: We actually have a first year man, and we have never done one of these before.
1:30:51
SPEAKER_05: This is the real one.
1:30:53
SPEAKER_05: Let's find him.
1:31:00
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
1:31:02
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
1:31:03
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, the yell the yellow smoke was was a nice touch.
1:31:07
SPEAKER_02: It was and then him chasing him across the field.
1:31:09
SPEAKER_02: It was pretty funny.
1:31:11
SPEAKER_02: Listen, go lift something heavy.
1:31:13
SPEAKER_02: Tell your wife you love her, even if she's wrong about the thermostat.
1:31:16
SPEAKER_02: And for the love of God, stop believing in everything you see on Tic Tac from a guy who thinks Australia isn't real.
1:31:23
SPEAKER_02: And lastly, call your buddy.
1:31:26
SPEAKER_02: Go out for some beers.
1:31:27
SPEAKER_02: That's it for tonight.
1:31:28
SPEAKER_02: If you loved it, tell your friends if you hated it, tell your friends and argue about it.
1:31:33
SPEAKER_02: Either way.
1:31:34
SPEAKER_02: We will be back in two weeks.
1:31:36
SPEAKER_02: Uh next Tuesday night.
1:31:38
SPEAKER_02: Uh I have a conference for my day job in Waymart, Pennsylvania.
1:31:44
SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna be at a place called Camp Ladour for a few days.
1:31:49
SPEAKER_02: Um and um uh doing the day job thing uh next week.
1:31:54
SPEAKER_02: And I don't even think there's an internet service there.
1:31:57
SPEAKER_02: So uh apparently there's not much of an internet service here right now either.
1:32:01
SPEAKER_02: Um so uh uh two weeks we'll be back.
1:32:06
SPEAKER_02: And the uh immortal words of the uh Beverly Hillbillies Y'all come back now, you hear?
1:32:12
SPEAKER_09: Now y'all.
1:32:16
SPEAKER_00: Alright, Alpha Pack.
1:32:17
SPEAKER_00: That's all the damage we're legally allowed to do tonight.
1:32:20
SPEAKER_00: If you're offended, confused, clutching your pearls, or googling, is it normal to agree with idiots?
1:32:26
SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
1:32:27
SPEAKER_00: Mission accomplished.
1:32:28
SPEAKER_00: This has been the Alpha Ven Podcast, where opinions are loud, thanks are optional, and HR would have tackled this before the intro music even finished.
1:32:36
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for hanging out, cracking a beer, or free, and pretending you earned something while we aggressively learned absolutely nothing.
1:32:44
SPEAKER_00: Smash like, subscribe, share it with that friend who gets kicked out of every dinner, and remember, if common sense were common, at this country would be unemployed at the show with comic steps.
1:32:55
SPEAKER_00: Now, we've gotta go explain what wants while we said that.
1:33:06
SPEAKER_00: Zero filters, zero apology, and absolutely no response.