Latest / Apostle Lazarus Femi / Understanding Male And Female Uniqueness In Marriage

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Understanding Male And Female Uniqueness In Marriage · Apostle Lazarus Femi

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  Speaker 1: Apostle Femi Lazarus is a man raised by God to
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  Speaker 1: demonstrate his wisdom and authority to the last day church.
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  Speaker 1: He is the lead pastor of Sphere of Light Church
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  Speaker 1: and God told him years ago that a time will
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  Speaker 1: come where my wisdom will be needed to navigate tough
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  Speaker 1: times in the body of Christ.
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  Speaker 2: Then I will cause your voice to be heard.
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  Speaker 1: And all who pay attention to my word on your
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  Speaker 1: lips will not lack light and direction. He is a
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  Speaker 1: man sent from God, sent to raise God's end time armies.
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  Speaker 1: With Apostle Fermi Lazarus, every minute counts as you listen attentively.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm teaching on understanding. male and female uniqueness in marriage.
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  Speaker 2: Though we are going to be touching more than that tonight,
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  Speaker 2: but that's the fulcrum, that's the basics of what we'll
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  Speaker 2: be doing. And it's so important we learn this, particularly
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  Speaker 2: because people approach the subject of marriage with a lot
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  Speaker 2: of assumptions. People assume and these assumptions are proven to
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  Speaker 2: be grievous ones or costly assumptions. Someone said assumption is
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  Speaker 2: the lowest degree or lowest use of man's intelligence. So
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  Speaker 2: let's turn our Bibles again Though today we are going
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  Speaker 2: to be engaging it much more. The book of Ephesians
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  Speaker 2: chapter number 5. Ephesians chapter number 5. Ephesians chapter number 5.
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  Speaker 2: From verse 21. Ephesians chapter number 5 from verse 21.
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  Speaker 2: If you are there, say Amen. Submitting yourselves one to
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  Speaker 2: another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto
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  Speaker 2: your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband
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  Speaker 2: is the head of the wife, even as Christ is
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  Speaker 2: the head of the church and is the Savior of
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  Speaker 2: the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ
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  Speaker 2: Let the wives be to their own husbands in how
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  Speaker 2: many things? Come on now. Women, hello. In how many things? Ladies,
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  Speaker 2: you're getting tired already. How many things? In how many things?
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  Speaker 2: All things. Someone say all things. Say all things. I
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  Speaker 2: love that word, all things. Okay. Verse 25, men read. Who? Husbands,
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  Speaker 2: love your wives even as Christ loved the church and
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  Speaker 2: gave himself for the church, that he might sanctify and
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  Speaker 2: cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
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  Speaker 2: that he might present it to himself a glorious church,
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  Speaker 2: not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but
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  Speaker 2: they should be holy and without blemish. So ought men
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  Speaker 2: to love their wives as their own bodies, he that
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  Speaker 2: loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet
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  Speaker 2: ate his own flesh, but yet nourish and cherish it,
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  Speaker 2: even as the Lord the church. For we are members
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  Speaker 2: of his body and of his flesh and of his bones.
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  Speaker 2: For this cause, shall a man leave his father and
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  Speaker 2: mother and be joined to his wife, and the two
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  Speaker 2: shall be one flesh. Now this is a very, very
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  Speaker 2: important text. Please pay attention. Is that okay? We are
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  Speaker 2: going very far tonight. We are going what? Yeah. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: In fact I have prayed to God. Maybe at some
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  Speaker 2: point we might need to take a break. And cry
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  Speaker 2: our eyes out. Then continue. So we are given. Two. Instructions. Two.
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  Speaker 2: Two different individuals. First. Men. Yeah. Verse 22 now. Okay. Wives,
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  Speaker 2: submit yourselves. Now, that's quite an instruction. Submission will not
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  Speaker 2: really have been a tough thing for the woman. What
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  Speaker 2: makes it really tough is the fact that she sees
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  Speaker 2: what the guy is not seeing. It's difficult to submit
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  Speaker 2: when you know that your sin from an angle is
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  Speaker 2: not sin, and it might end up in trouble. A
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  Speaker 2: woman can tell intuitively the wrong friend who is around
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  Speaker 2: the husband. And sometimes keeping quiet looks like, will I
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  Speaker 2: watch him to get hot? So submission is not always easy. Okay?
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  Speaker 2: But the instruction is that you should what? Submit. So
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  Speaker 2: that's what God told the female gender. Not because love
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  Speaker 2: is not important to her. Because love comes naturally to her.
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  Speaker 2: She loves effortlessly naturally. What she does not have naturally
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  Speaker 2: is submission. Submission is not natural to a woman. It
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  Speaker 2: is an instruction. Okay? Are you following me now? And
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  Speaker 2: for the guy, loving. Now listen, he didn't say love
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  Speaker 2: your spouse or love your girlfriend. He said love your wife.
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  Speaker 2: And what that also means is that there is a
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  Speaker 2: very strong tendency for the man to be married and
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  Speaker 2: not love the wife. It is very possible to see
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  Speaker 2: marriage as a necessary project, void of emotions, do it,
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  Speaker 2: raise children, and put the love somewhere else. To give
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  Speaker 2: these separate instructions to the male and female, And listen
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  Speaker 2: very well. When the Bible describes the way Christ loved
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  Speaker 2: the church, it was a transformative love. The proof of
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  Speaker 2: that love is that it washes the church with the
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  Speaker 2: washing of the water and the blood. So how do
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  Speaker 2: we know a man that loved the wife? It is
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  Speaker 2: the fact that she's been transformed to your presence in
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  Speaker 2: her life. She wasn't dressing well because of your presence
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  Speaker 2: in her life. Now she's dressing well. Instead of saying,
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  Speaker 2: why are you not dressing like so and so and
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  Speaker 2: so and so? Jesus has never compared the church with
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  Speaker 2: some demons. He sits with the church to achieve what
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  Speaker 2: he wants to achieve in the church. He forgives, washes,
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  Speaker 2: cleans us, teaches us, empowers us Exactly what Christ does
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  Speaker 2: to the church is what God is instructing the men
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  Speaker 2: to do to the wife. So you will be a
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  Speaker 2: bad leader if your wife is not being empowered. And
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  Speaker 2: the reason why he's giving this instruction is because he's
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  Speaker 2: also backing it up with the grace necessary. So the
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  Speaker 2: grace to submit to your husband has been released. Because
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  Speaker 2: it doesn't come naturally. Anything that does not come naturally
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  Speaker 2: to you, you need grace for it. For instance, anointing
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  Speaker 2: doesn't come naturally to anyone. You need grace for it.
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  Speaker 2: Nobody is born with the gift of miraculous. You need
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  Speaker 2: to be anointed for it. In the same light, you
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  Speaker 2: are to be graced uniquely on how to love your
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  Speaker 2: wife on behalf of Christ. Yes. Because it's a sacred trust.
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  Speaker 2: Like I said, it is stewardship. It is not ownership
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  Speaker 2: It is what? Stewardship It is what? Stewardship So it
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  Speaker 2: means that Our confines of safety Is actually the confines
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  Speaker 2: of obedience To the instructions of God It means the
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  Speaker 2: man is safe when he loves the wife the way
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  Speaker 2: the Bible said to love her. He will not fall
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  Speaker 2: into trouble. And the woman is safe when she submits
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  Speaker 2: to her husband the way the Bible says to. She
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  Speaker 2: will not fall into trouble. So you have to delete
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  Speaker 2: the 1001 reasons you have given yourself not to submit
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  Speaker 2: to him. And you have to delete the 1001 reasons
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  Speaker 2: you've given to yourself why you think you cannot love
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  Speaker 2: your wife this way. Now, the reason why this teaching
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  Speaker 2: is so important is that if you know the number
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  Speaker 2: of married couples who take good pictures and good selfies,
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  Speaker 2: who are actually in the real sense praying that either
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  Speaker 2: of them should die so they can be free. Because
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  Speaker 2: through disobedience to God's instruction, they have driven the marriage forward.
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  Speaker 2: to con us, both of them should not have entered.
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  Speaker 2: If the devil wants to fight your children, he needs
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  Speaker 2: to start from you. Because to fight you, it began
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  Speaker 2: from your parents. And that's why you must understand that
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  Speaker 2: marriage is as spiritual as it is physical. It is
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  Speaker 2: not just about the phone. Destiny is at stake. Assignment
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  Speaker 2: is at stake. The mental, the physical, the emotional construct
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  Speaker 2: of the children that will be born in that environment
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  Speaker 2: is at stake. So he wants you to become a
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  Speaker 2: toxic environment so that the fruit, the seeds of God
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  Speaker 2: in that home will be corrupted. Ultimately, your own assignment
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  Speaker 2: will be destroyed. Are you still with me? Now, because
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  Speaker 2: of the many assumptions around the subject of marriage is
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  Speaker 2: the reason why we must understand the uniqueness. And the
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  Speaker 2: reason why we should understand this uniqueness is that it
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  Speaker 2: will help us reduce the conflict. And it will better
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  Speaker 2: prepare those who are yet to get in. Is that
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  Speaker 2: okay now? Good. So we need to understand sometimes what
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  Speaker 2: you are fighting in your spouse is not unique to him.
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  Speaker 2: It is unique to the male. And sometimes we are
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  Speaker 2: fighting in the wife. It's not unique to her. It's
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  Speaker 2: unique to women. Why are you always the last person
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  Speaker 2: to come out of the house every time we are
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  Speaker 2: going to church? We have to wait. She's not the
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  Speaker 2: only one. My wife. So, I've just devised a survivor means.
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  Speaker 2: If we are going out by 6, I would say
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  Speaker 2: we are going by 5.30. And that 5.30 is when
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  Speaker 2: my wife will just be putting the makeup. So eventually
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  Speaker 2: by the time it is 6, we are good. The
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  Speaker 2: 30 minutes I had there is mental health. Okay? Okay?
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  Speaker 2: So before you get married, when we want to meet
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  Speaker 2: up at a place, you will be there now that
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  Speaker 2: we are married. So you have changed. She has not changed.
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  Speaker 2: That's who she has always been. In fact, I have
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  Speaker 2: found cases where people came to report their husband to me.
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  Speaker 2: And the same thing they are reporting the guy for.
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  Speaker 2: I will now look at my wife. How do I
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  Speaker 2: counsel this guy? Because we are the same. When you
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  Speaker 2: talk to your husband, he will just reply, wow. You
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  Speaker 2: see that he's not listening? I would be trying to
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  Speaker 2: remember where the conversation started from. What did she say?
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  Speaker 2: If I can remember one thing in between, I will
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  Speaker 2: just join the flow. Unfortunately, many times, I can't remember.
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  Speaker 2: So my wife will now say things like, so you
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  Speaker 2: will be talking to you, you will not even talk.
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  Speaker 2: How do I tell her that what you have been
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  Speaker 2: saying for 20 minutes is just you whispering? So where
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  Speaker 2: was I? Project. So when women come to report, in
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  Speaker 2: case you plan to report to your husband, I'm saying,
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  Speaker 2: I share in that problem. and I'm going to show
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  Speaker 2: you how God will help us. Okay? One time, a
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  Speaker 2: woman went to report the husband to Dr. Miles Morrow,
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  Speaker 2: and said, this man, every time he wants to have sex,
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  Speaker 2: he has a demon. Dr. Miles Morrow said, I'm also possessed.
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  Speaker 2: It is even dangerous when you have the one who
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  Speaker 2: doesn't want to have sex. Somebody or something is footing
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  Speaker 2: the bill. I'm going to show you some real facts.
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  Speaker 2: Is that okay? I'm careful because of the weight of
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  Speaker 2: what we are still going into. That's why I'm patient
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  Speaker 2: with you. So there are certain things we have to
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  Speaker 2: look at and they will help us So I want
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  Speaker 2: to start by showing you the differences between these two genders.
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  Speaker 2: The male and the female. They are not the same.
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  Speaker 2: It's like trying to compare Coke and tea. They are
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  Speaker 2: not the same. Somebody is saying, why is tea always
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  Speaker 2: served hot and Coke cold? They are supposed to be.
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  Speaker 2: Can you drink hot Coke cold? This is supposed to
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  Speaker 2: be served like that. And what we should understand is
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  Speaker 2: that our differences are not to separate us. They are
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  Speaker 2: to foster better relationship, help us understand ourselves better. And
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  Speaker 2: when you fail to understand these differences, what is supposed
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  Speaker 2: to be a loving relationship will become a failed one.
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  Speaker 2: What is supposed to be a sweet relationship Will become
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  Speaker 2: a failed one. Now there is an assumption. There is
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  Speaker 2: an assumption. The assumption is that. Women are more complicated.
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  Speaker 2: Than men. I bet you. The one who will talk.
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  Speaker 2: Is not complex. The one who is quiet. Is the
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  Speaker 2: complicated one. A man. Is so complex. That. That he
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  Speaker 2: doesn't mind playing along just for you to be happy.
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  Speaker 2: And he knows you are not touching his debt. I
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  Speaker 2: want us to erase that assumption. That you can understand
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  Speaker 2: a man like you understand what is written plainly on paper.
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  Speaker 2: Men are very deep. Women are complicated because of the
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  Speaker 2: emotions with which they communicate at different times. But a
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  Speaker 2: man is deep. And anyways, in both cases, depending on
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  Speaker 2: what life has done to them. Are you listening? And
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  Speaker 2: are you following? So there are interesting differences. And these
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  Speaker 2: differences will help us understand how you and your partner differ.
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  Speaker 2: How you are two different individuals. so that you'll be
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  Speaker 2: able to see each other from better perspectives. Because once
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  Speaker 2: the perspective you have about your spouse is affected, the
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  Speaker 2: marriage will go bad. In fact, one of the things
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  Speaker 2: the devil wants to achieve is to change your perspective,
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  Speaker 2: is to change the way you see your spouse. He
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  Speaker 2: wants to orchestrate situations that will affect the way you
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  Speaker 2: perceive him or her for life. So you must understand,
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  Speaker 2: It is the differences that exist between the both individuals.
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  Speaker 2: They were made so from the beginning. They were not
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  Speaker 2: designed to make you suffer. Your spouse is not trying
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  Speaker 2: to make you suffer. He is just different. She is
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  Speaker 2: just different. When a woman prepares late and tries to
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  Speaker 2: cross her T's and dot her I's, she is not
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  Speaker 2: trying to stress you even though it is difficult to believe.
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  Speaker 2: That's how she is wired. When a man does the
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  Speaker 2: things he's doing, and you are wondering, what is happening?
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  Speaker 2: He's not trying to stress you. That's how he's wired.
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  Speaker 2: How many of you are ready to learn the differences?
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  Speaker 2: Number one. So I pick some of this point from
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  Speaker 2: a book I'm going to recommend at the end of
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  Speaker 2: the teaching, but follow me for now. Number one. Women
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  Speaker 2: want men to listen to them while men desire solutions
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  Speaker 2: to their problems. Women want men to listen to them
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  Speaker 2: while men want solutions to their problems. So what this
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  Speaker 2: simply means is the one who wants to be listened
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  Speaker 2: to will communicate more. And this is where it gets complex.
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  Speaker 2: Look over everybody. This is the fun part. When a
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  Speaker 2: woman is telling you about her challenge, never you assume
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  Speaker 2: that she does not have solution. She just wants you
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  Speaker 2: to listen. In fact, you will enter one chance if
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  Speaker 2: you give solution before she's done. She perceives it as
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  Speaker 2: you trying to push her away. So, we have not
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  Speaker 2: even finished. You have said this. You are tired of me, Abby.
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  Speaker 2: That's her mindset. Because And the man can't understand that. Like,
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  Speaker 2: why are you sharing the problem if not for the solution?
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  Speaker 2: She's sharing the problem because she needs to offload. And
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  Speaker 2: you are killing her if you don't give attention. So,
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  Speaker 2: attention to a woman is like oxygen. And some men
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  Speaker 2: can't understand. Why are you telling me about the person...
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  Speaker 2: Frustrating you in your office When you tell me that
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  Speaker 2: What I want to tell you is This is how
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  Speaker 2: you should go about it She knows how to do
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  Speaker 2: it Better than you She knows how to undo the
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  Speaker 2: person And deal with the person But she wants you
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  Speaker 2: to be here So a man is like okay Here
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  Speaker 2: and then Say here now you are my husband That's
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  Speaker 2: it As she is talking it she finally answers So
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  Speaker 2: when you counsel a woman You don't need stress By herself,
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  Speaker 2: she will say, I know what to do. Wow! You see,
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  Speaker 2: may you never laugh. And wow! You don't mean it.
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  Speaker 2: I'm telling you. She's excited. When she's done, your food
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  Speaker 2: will be ready on time. That's her person. So, you say,
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  Speaker 2: I can't pretend though. If I can't give a solution,
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  Speaker 2: why am I listening? You can't have good home. To
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  Speaker 2: have good home, you would have to play along. See,
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  Speaker 2: go and learn acting skills. Babe, come and sit. I
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  Speaker 2: want to talk to you. Wow. You are tired. You
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  Speaker 2: want to escape to your own reality. As she's talking,
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  Speaker 2: My God. You don't mean it. I'm telling you. That's
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  Speaker 2: how the thing happened. You see, you have not added anything.
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  Speaker 2: But she's okay. Because she's not speaking for your addition.
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  Speaker 2: She's speaking for your attention. That's her wiring. But the
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  Speaker 2: man is not interested in communicating his problem. Particularly if
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  Speaker 2: he doesn't perceive that you have the solution now. What
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  Speaker 2: a man wants is solution. In fact, when a man
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  Speaker 2: has a problem, what he needs is to retire to himself.
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  Speaker 2: Figure it out before communicating. If you don't understand this,
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  Speaker 2: you will feel hurt and you will feel neglected because
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  Speaker 2: you feel, why are you not talking to me? He
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  Speaker 2: is not designed to talk until he has figured it out.
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  Speaker 2: And it is not a way of him telling you
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  Speaker 2: that you are not important. It is his design. He
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  Speaker 2: gives in to spring out. Okay? So when he has challenge,
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  Speaker 2: the first thing he needs is quietness. And that's why
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  Speaker 2: one of the best things you can give your husband
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  Speaker 2: is peace. Listen. If you understand how to leave him
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  Speaker 2: when he wants to be alone, you will get him
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  Speaker 2: to talk. Never tell a man, you are not talking
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  Speaker 2: to me. He will not talk. Leave him. Create the atmosphere.
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  Speaker 2: He will over talk. He will talk and listen. This
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  Speaker 2: is where men get complicated. He will speak at the
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  Speaker 2: level of what he knows you can't do. He has
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  Speaker 2: sized you up. He has weighed you. He knows what
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  Speaker 2: your debt can carry. He will not tell you more
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  Speaker 2: than that. If you want to have your husband fall
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  Speaker 2: like a pack of cats and be like babies in
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  Speaker 2: your hands, Show depth. In the midst of him telling
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  Speaker 2: you sometimes what you are disappointed at, never show it.
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  Speaker 2: Each time you interrupt him, you reduce what is coming.
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  Speaker 2: That is why I am giving you the expo. See,
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  Speaker 2: that thing doesn't work. Do you understand what I am saying? See,
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  Speaker 2: the man will be there but you have lost him
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  Speaker 2: kept by just the vows. And the woman you should
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  Speaker 2: fear the most is the one he has trusted to
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  Speaker 2: be telling his problems to. That's a dangerous person around
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  Speaker 2: your home. Why is it that out of all the
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  Speaker 2: girlfriends and all the people, not all the girlfriends, Christians
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  Speaker 2: don't keep many, don't keep girlfriends, all the many ladies
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  Speaker 2: around him, he chose you. Or were you doing it right?
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  Speaker 2: He found safety. And when you understand that, you keep
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  Speaker 2: giving that to him. Do you understand what I'm saying?
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  Speaker 2: Am I teaching good? Are you learning something? Good. So
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  Speaker 2: men desire solutions to their problems. Oh, the world. Let
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  Speaker 2: me tell you. When we were erecting this structure, did
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  Speaker 2: the first one that fell down and crashed. Not this solid,
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  Speaker 2: of course. When I got home that night, I went
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  Speaker 2: to lay down on the bed and I was just saying,
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  Speaker 2: thank you, Lord. My wife came, are you good? I'm fine.
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  Speaker 2: Your food is ready. Oh, I have a live meeting shortly.
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  Speaker 2: I will eat afterwards. I ate. No, I did my
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  Speaker 2: live meeting. Ate. Prayed. I locked myself up, cried my
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  Speaker 2: eyes out. The following morning, I said, so babe, the
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: building crashed yesterday. That's the way a man communicates. He
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: needs to clear that space so that when he speaks,
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: he's not speaking with emotions. He's speaking facts. And when
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: you see your man that is in that phase where
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: he desires that quiet moment, give him. You will have
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: a better man coming back to you each time you
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: allow him. Is that clear? Good. Number two. In marriage,
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: men are motivated when they feel useful. Women are inspired
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: when they feel loved. Men are motivated when they feel useful.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: Women are inspired when they feel loved. So, we have
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: to ask a question. Look up everyone. What makes a
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: woman feel loved? It is very easy to say, I
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: love you. You are my Whatever. The sugar in my tea. Right?
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: The pen in my notebook. And all the stuff. It's
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: very easy to say. But you have to learn how.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: There's a way to love a woman. And a man
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: must understand that there's a way to love a woman.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: So I want to teach on that. Is that okay now? Guys,
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: are you with me? There is a way to what?
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Love it. The issue is that you are loving her
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: your way, not the way she wants to be loved.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: When you love a woman your way, you think you
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: have done all you should do when you provide and protect.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: But things have changed. An average woman that is getting
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: married now already has her own finances sorted. You understand
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying? In fact, some of them already have
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: their houses, paying their rents. So you are not the
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: one bringing her shelter. She is covered. You are not
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: the one bringing her food. She earns more than you.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: It's not about the designers you want to buy for her.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: She buys for herself. So how can she be loved?
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: And don't forget this. When she feels that love, she blossoms. Blossoms.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: She will be many things to you more than what
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: you can imagine, regardless of whether she's introverted or extroverted.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: In fact, you must learn how to be skillful in
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: bringing the child in her out. There is no dimension
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: you desire to see in your spouse as a woman
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: that is not there. You must be skillful in bringing
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: it out. Create the atmosphere for her to blossom. Are
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: you with me here? So one of the ways women
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: feel loved is when they get attention. This is one
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: word we will not leave. Attention, attention, attention. Now, let
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: me show you what attention is and what attention is not.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Attention is not the same thing as being present. Because
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: a woman can know that you are present but yet missing.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Attention is not about being physically there. In fact, I
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: predicted that in the next 10 years, one of the
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: leading causes of divorce will be mobile phones. Because that's
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: the virtual world many people just escape into. So for
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: the woman, the man believes that, I mean, you said
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: whenever I close from work, I should be home on time.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: I close by 4. I'm here 5 o'clock. Lagos traffic
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: or Abuja traffic, whatever it is, I am here. For her,
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: it is not about being here in the house. And
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: you are in your own world. It is being here
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: with me, not in the house alone. It is not
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: being at home. It is being with me. Because sometimes
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: being at home and not being with her is worse
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: than when you are not around. You are around, but
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: she does not have your attention. And she doesn't feel loved.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: And men live with a lot of assumptions. One of
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: the things you must know about women is that they
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: don't like surprises. In the sense that, don't just pull
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: anything on her. I have to quickly get somewhere now, 9.30.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: She doesn't like it. She has not planned that in
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: her head. Imagine still seeing you till you go to bed.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: So attention for a woman is not just the physical presence,
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: but the emotional synergy. The fact that there is a
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: conversation that is heart to heart. Some of them have
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: their own love language from act of service. Those people
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: that have acts of service. That one is woke. That
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: one is not really nice. They like men that will
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: sit with them in the kitchen. As they are carrying this,
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: he's carrying that. And you, you are the kind of
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: guy who never carried Tony's stick. You don't even know
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: what they call it. She is not being rude. That
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: is who she is. She grew up seeing the dad
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: and the mom. You, you see that in the parlor.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: You are pressing your phone. She's confused. She doesn't love me. See,
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: understand her. Women love attention. It doesn't matter whether mommy
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Gio or mommy Eo. They love attention. They don't joke
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: with you. But you must make sure that your lack
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: of attention does not give them a lifestyle where they
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: move on from you. It is dangerous when the woman
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: is no longer asking for it. It is very bad.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: That woman is already dying. She has made up her mind,
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: this is why I marry. Something is severed already from
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: the marriage. Women can move on, but they'll be around.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: When they stop asking for the things they're asking, they've concluded,
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: you don't have the capacity to give me. Instead of
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: frustrating myself, I'm okay. Okay? So, one of the ways
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: you know your wife's love language is to check what
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: she gives. The one who loves gifts will give gifts,
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: except the stingy one. Because there are exceptions to these things.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: How do you say you like gifts? Every time he's
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: doing birthdays, boxers you buy. Birthday is coming again. Plan
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: of buying boxers. He's a wrestler. Number two. A woman
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: feels loved when she's covered. Protected. Securities. good sense of security.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: Financial security. Emotional security. And let me warn at this point.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: Anytime you have misunderstanding, listen to these men. Be careful
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: of the things you say. Never say anything that threatens
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: our security. Statement like, it was my fault I married you.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: I wish we never married in the first place. One
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: very serious thing that also threatens security is compassion. You
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: look at so-and-so person. When you compare your spouse with
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: another woman, she believes you are in love with that person.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: And what you do is that you set her on
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: the path of insecurity. You bring out a monster out
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: of her that should not be there. Women want security.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: The fact that I've married a man that regardless of
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: my shenanigans, they will tell you, women know to That
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: they have problem See that's why Check what they are
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: saying When they are celebrating their men That I know
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: I have problem But regardless of my problem He loves
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: me the same way She knows The father that gave
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: birth to her Did not throw her out of the
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: house For not cooking Did not break her head Are
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: you not my father That's what she is thinking When
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: she begins to talk with her biological father more than
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: she talks to you, it's bad. You are not doing
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: your duty. She feels safer with him. You must understand,
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: security is a lot for a woman. The fact that
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: she knows, it won't throw me away. Am I speaking
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: your heart? And a woman perceives a man who threatens
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: the foundation of the home when he's angry as a woman.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: like he's a child. And I perceive such a man
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: as that too. Every conflict will end. What we do
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: to ourselves will remain. Every conflict will end. When it
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: comes to security, emotional security, financial security, spiritual security, which
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: is your priest's duty, The fact that she knows she
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: has a man who will intercede for her. The man
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: who will pray for her. The man who will guide her.
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: That's why it looks like some women respect their pastors more.
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: Because a woman wants to feel secure. She wants to
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: be led by a trusted body. She actually wants to
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: be led. Women want to be led more than you
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: can imagine. If you rise up to becoming the leader,
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: she will submit. She will submit. She wants to be led.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: She does not want to be led astray. She wants
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: to be led the right path. That's her design. That's
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: her wiring. That's the way she grew up. She loves leadership.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: And the way to get her to submit is not
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: through threats. It is by becoming one. true patience, serious patience.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: In the days that they themselves will tell you, I
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: don't understand myself, but please just bear with me. Understand me, okay?
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: I'm going through something, I don't understand myself, but just
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: understand me. A real man must have the depth of
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: emotional maturity. You can't be threatened by every wind. You
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: must be able to carry her and carry the home.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: Because sometimes it just doesn't make sense. What either of
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: them do. And you must understand. the male man is
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: the foundation. And what is most important about foundation is
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: the strength. Foundation does not have to be fine. It
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: has to be strong. What makes a building solid is
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: the fact that the foundation is strong. So she wants
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: a strong man. Women are attracted to strong leaders. That's
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: the fact. Women are attracted to leadership. It is not
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: a demonic thing. It is a wiring. And that's why
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: you must understand, when you are a man who has
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: a vision that she can trust, even when you don't
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: have money, she will follow you. You threaten her when
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: there is no money and there is no visions. And
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: you can't blame her for leaving. And you must understand,
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: having a strong vision that you are passionate about is
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: a form of security for her. The fact that she
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: knows I can stake my life around what he's doing.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: I want to help him. Now there is something to
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: help him do. And when she feels her space as
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: the one who is helping, she feels loved. You have
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: some things doing, she's the one who is doing everything.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: You are holding her by the hands as you are
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: doing the things you are doing as your trophy. She
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: feels loved. When you begin to make her take back seat,
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: you are communicating the fact that you have a replacement.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: And that's not good. That's not good. She wants to
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: support your vision, but make it clear. And because she
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: wants you to communicate, communicate the vision in a way
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: that she understands. She will carry it more than you.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: The same woman you think has abandoned your vision is
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: because you are not talking and they are not angels
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: to know what is in your mind. If you are rerouting, communicate. Communicate.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: Don't say at least you can see me. She's not.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: She wants to hear it. So when you are a
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: man of vision, one who is pursuing what you are pursuing,
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: it is clear with your energy, it is clear with
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: your pursuit, it is clear with your dedication that this
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: is it. A woman will stake her life around you.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: And many men don't understand this. So we try to
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: paint women as materialistic, But if you ask the woman,
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: she will tell you, honestly, I can't see any vision here.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: And when there's no vision, a woman submits to a
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: man who doesn't have vision, there's no purpose there. She
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: will be abused. She will be abused. So one of
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: the things you want to check for in a man is,
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: what vision am I building with you? Then you ask yourself,
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: am I wired for this? Am I wired for this?
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: When you allow your woman to help you, she feels loved.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: The fact that she knows everything that's going on, she's communicating,
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: you guys are talking, we go about it this way, we,
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: oh yes, that's it. But if you keep communicating the
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: fact that she's not important, you will do it alone
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: and you will fail. Now, many men don't trust their
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: women You trust somebody else, forgetting the fact that the
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: fellow is functioning because you are giving the person the
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: privilege to function. And you are not extending the same
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: privilege to her and you wonder why she's underperforming. How
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: do you give somebody else more opportunity to help you
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: more than your wife? Don't you know that whoever helps
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: you gets a space in your heart? You are not
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: necessarily promiscuous. You just found for yourself another helper. And
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: when you do that, the image of your wife begins
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: to reduce and that person becomes enhanced. Attention breeds affection.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: Be careful who you give it to. So you must
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: understand this. When you are hardworking, when you are stable,
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: you see that word stable? Hold that word. When you
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: are stable, you are not saying this today, tomorrow, that
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: one tomorrow. When you are stable, a woman feels secure.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: Even when she's praising you and you are not stable,
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: she's praising you for your ego. A woman can praise
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: you for your ego, but she wishes you were a
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: better man. It is not everything she's saying on your
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: birthday that is true. And she knows she's lying. But
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: she knows your ego needs it. As a matter of fact,
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: if your wife is obligated to post you every time
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: to describe the kind of man you are, it's because
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: she has noticed you have low self-esteem. She will not
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: feel the need to if she doesn't know you feed
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: on it. That's the reason. That's the reason she's doing
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: what she does. Because she knows you are down. Let's
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: pump the ego.
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: I think I touched something there.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: Put me anywhere. And women, you know I'm telling you
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: the truth. Have you had to say things about someone
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: because he desires it, not because he has ended it?
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: Many women are obligated to first praise him before they
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: talk because it is the right thing to do. We
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: act to the gallery. But is he really who you
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: say he is? If you want honor to come naturally
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: from her, give her security and lead her well. If
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: you're a man with varying decisions, varying, varying, varying decisions,
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: her security is threatened. And she's confused. And many women
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: are quiet about the things they should say because they
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: are protecting the ego of the men. They are protecting
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: the guy. They don't want to bruise his ego. And
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: she has to endure many things. Many women will tell
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: you they are more quiet about the things that you
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: say than they are talking. Just try to save the home.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: I'm going to get there tonight, but let me continue.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: I don't want to go ahead of myself. Let me
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: give you one Just one secret How do you lead
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: a woman who is a bond leader? How do you
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: lead a woman who is a bond leader? One who
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: is choleric Director of affairs She knows what she is
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: doing She's so independent, she almost doesn't need your leadership.
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: Number one thing you must get right around her. Be secure.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: Once her growth is not threatening you, she will submit.
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: And real men allow their wives fly. Real men allow
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: their wives fly. You want to equip her. Right? You
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: want to help her get better. You want to help
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: her to have money. Help her make money. You are
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: not threatened by what she is making. You want to
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: encourage her to do more. You want to give her
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: wings to fly. It is to your own gain when
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: you have a woman who is flying by your side.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: It's your own gain. I heard Mrs. Ibukwa Oshika sharing
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: that the name Oshika is not her name, it's the
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: husband's name. So whatever it is God is doing with her,
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: she's doing around organizations, who gets this name? It's enhanced.
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: Many men have trust issues. They can't trust real money
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: in the hands of the woman because she has shown
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: signs or they have seen things She has spoken rudely
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: certain days that certain things touch her hands. And that's
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: why I say a man is complicated. He has marked
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: it but he didn't talk. Go and check my comment
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: section online. Apart from the fact that some girls were
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: bashing me Some boys too were bashing me. They say,
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: how do you say we should confide in a woman?
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: They will rubbish you. That's the impression they have of you.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: Because you would rather win an argument than to win
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: your own. And when you want to win an argument,
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: you use everything and anything against him. Including the things
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: he had to die to tell you. Do you know
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: what it means for a man to open up? It
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: is one of the greatest miracles in this world. Because
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: men are naturally sealed. You have him when he's open.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: Not when he's buying shawarma. You have him when he's vulnerable.
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: Delilah has certain things you must learn from her. How
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: was she able to get something? To talk? Even if
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: it was a foolish speech. guy is still more close
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: than a wise woman because naturally he is close but
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: she put the head on the laps can your laps
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: still accommodate the head of your husband be careful 9 p.m. Ah,
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: running apron. Cooking. 10 p.m. 10.30. What is your problem? See,
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: there's a way you can claim to be a prayer
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: warrior and make the person who really pray look like
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: he doesn't pray. Because you are making somebody suffer. And
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: that is not Christianity. It's this wickedness. When he meets you,
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: you are going to flog you. He's trying to touch you. Say,
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: can we pray? Come. Say, We are gathering together unto thee,
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: unto thee. And he's wondering, who did I marry? Do
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: you even have an idea on how to work on
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: your attractiveness? Or it is one of those things you
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: consider carnal? Colonel girls are getting good boys. Because good
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: girls are lost in their naivety. Not touched with the reality.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: Do you know, I'm saying you don't have an idea
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: of who the man beside you is. He knows more
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: than he's saying. And he's just wondering. Do you understand
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying? Don't use your own spirituality to humiliate
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: your husband. Don't. Or to humiliate your wife. Don't. But
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: in all honesty, many men don't trust their spouses. They
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: can't trust them with their vulnerability. When you want to
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: get a man, stop looking for surface things. Look for
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: his vulnerability. You are trying to get him to be
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: vulnerable with you. That is when you have him. That
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: is where the work is. And to achieve that, there's
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: got to be peace. Like a river. There's got to
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: be a lot of understanding. Understanding. And the guys. Why
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: would you marry a girl you don't trust? You marry
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: her but you trust your mom. Marry your mom. You
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: are trying to run her mental. When you are not
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: trusting him, you are already opening the door for the
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: devil to come in. And he will deceive you. Now,
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: let me say this to you. One of the ways
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: to build trust is to become better friends. If you
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: pray together, you will trust her. If you study together,
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: you will trust each other. And most times, the problem
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: is that both of you came into that home with
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: your own baggages. And you have refused to change your perspective.
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: And it affects everything. And sometimes what is now causing
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: problem is the day you try to go out of
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: your way to talk to him the way you felt,
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: not the way he should be talked to. Now the
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: good thing you were trying to do has achieved wrong result.
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: He's skeptical. I wish I can stay here all night.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: But if you want to get the depth of your man,
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: quit interrupting him. Once he starts It's building. It will
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: get to a point it will break open. And that's it.
• 55:42
  Speaker 2: That's what you want to achieve all the time. Are
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: you learning something? Are you sure? Are you sure you
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: are learning something? Now, listen. Men are motivated when they
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: feel useful. Now, hold on. Some of you men may
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: not even know this yet, but you want to understand
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: this and get this now. One thing you want to
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: keep communicating to the man in your life is that
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: there is no replacement for him. You want to communicate
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: the importance of his presence. You want to show him
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: What his absence does negatively. That tells him that his
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: presence is so important. There is a will not to
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: be strong around a man. When you are strong that way,
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: he assumes that he is not needed after all. He
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: assumes that you don't need him. I know you are
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: a strong woman. You are an independent woman. You don't
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: have feelings or do you? But you must learn to
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: communicate it. You see, listen, listen, listen, listen. Don't make
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: the mistake of saying, I'm not the expressive type. For
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: the sake of your marriage, both male and female, be
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: the expressive type. If you feel it, say it. Communicate it.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: Intentionally Tell her you love her Don't wait till you
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: feel it That's why it's a commitment.
• 57:43
  Speaker 4: Intentionally Communicate it You know There are certain things I'm
• 57:52
  Speaker 4: still coming out of my shell Life is not patient.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: What are you still doing inside the shell Break the
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: shell Come out of your shell. This is your husband.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: Come out of the shell. What's inside the shell? It's empty.
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: You have it in your head, but you are not
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: doing it. Who are you? See, it's just in my mind.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm still trying to. No. Have you seen
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: two people who are dating who are committing sin and
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: touching each other? Kissing. Fundling themselves And doing all those
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: things They don't have a problem with expression The same
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: professionals Who are doing it when they were not married
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: Will not have a problem with it in marriage It
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: is not expression they have a problem with It is
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: commitment It is what? The same woman you couldn't wait
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: to kiss She's been here for two years You can't
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: remember the last time you kissed your wife Your problem
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: is commitment. Why is that the same appetite that you
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: had before marriage suddenly dies when you are married? something
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: within you loves the one that dishonors God you have
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: to re-engineer your mind you must tell yourself before you
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: marry this woman will satisfy me all my life I
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: am satisfied with my own wealth I'm not digging for
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: anything elsewhere. This is it. This is all that God
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: has to offer, and I'm okay with it. Tell yourself.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: When you tell yourself, what is your heart struggling with
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: that fact? If it is struggling with it, that is
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: a sign that you are prone to adultery. So you
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: have to re-engineer your mind through the word. But not
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: just through the word alone. By communicating the affection to
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: your wife. Lavish it till she manifests it. That both
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: of you become inseparable. If you are not communicating the affection,
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: you are leaving the door for adultery. Because you are
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: an emotional being. And that thing will want to flow.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: Communicate it to your wife. Let me share a story
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: with you. Somebody came to report a matter years back.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: To me. Say his wife ate him. I said how
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: will your wife eat you? Say wife ate him. That's
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: a serious one. So what happened? So I made him
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: narrate the whole story. He had described to the girl.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: How about when we get married? Wedding night. Wedding night.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: Five seconds. Gone. She looked at him. And she felt disdain.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: Look at you. I'm careful. Anytime she is cooking, And
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: she passed. She looked at him and he is. What
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: he was getting is that I'm irritating her. What she's
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: saying is that you abandoned a woman this full. Full
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: package like this. That's what she's saying. That's why she's eating.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: When she eats, I say, go and meet her. Eat
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: the bonbon. Say, do you used to do that? He said, no,
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: out there. Go on, do it. When I'm talking to guys,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: I'm very real. I don't joke. I'm very real. I say,
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: so when she's in the kitchen, what do you say?
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: She's there. She's cooking. I'm busy. Ah. Why will she
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: not ease? I said, if I leave my house, nonsense. So,
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: I was getting the vibe that she hates me. Meanwhile,
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: she's saying, am I not your own? She's cooking. She's
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: wearing bomb shots. Passing where she should not pass. She
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: does not have anything to do. She will just pass
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: and pass again. And she will ease. She's saying, follow me.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: You need to be aware. This naivety is not King
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 2: James that caused this one. It's foolishness. That's why some
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: good girls love bad boys because they know what to do.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: But you, you are lost in the book of Abba's book.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know. What should I do?
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: Am I the one that will be teaching you? Tell
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: the man beside you, better wake up. Tell the man,
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: you better wake up. So I told him, go back home.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: When she pass, and ease, go and grab her. I
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: won't tell you what I said. Let me tell you,
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: I stand before God. From that moment, she changed his
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: name to Kabesi. Kabesi. My king. From... To... Do you
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: know what means? The king. Some men are lost. They
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: are not aware. They are not aware. Do you understand
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying? But meanwhile, what was the guy getting
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: that each time she hears? You see, when a girl
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: walk and greet five guys and there's a sixth one
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: and she's not greeting that one, she likes him. She
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: likes him. The one that she's saying bestie, bestie, that's
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: not the threat. The real threat is It's that one
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: that she is. That is the guy. I've been around
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: for a while. That's the guy. So you are feeling threatened.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: She is like you. Do you understand what I'm saying?
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: When you chatter up, she's giving you one word answer.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: She's saying push. Meanwhile, this thing too has part B.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 2: Because you must know when not to push. Do you
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 2: understand what I'm saying? I wish I can dwell more
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 2: on that. So, sometimes what she's saying is not really
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: what she's saying. What she's saying is not really what
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: she's saying. And we must train our boys to understand
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: communications of a woman. Unfortunately, religion has made it so
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: that women cannot tell the husbands that it's depriving them
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: of sex. Because they are not friends. They are just
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: husband and wife. I'm going to find time and enter
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: some matters. Okay? But let me just move on. Are
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: you still with me? Are you sure you are getting blessed?
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: Are you sure you are getting blessed? Alright. That girl
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: that is always avoiding eye contact likes you. I would
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: like her. There's something your eye is doing to her
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: And whenever you have to talk one-on-one, she finds one boldness.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: She's trying to be strong. She's shaking inside. Be a man. Stand.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: How are you doing? Eyeball to eyeball. Sustain the conversation.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: Make it linger. Know how to keep her waiting without
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: knowing she's waiting. Meaningful talks. She will keep it for you.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: You see that what I'm saying there? You know what
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: I'm saying? Now quickly, I want to begin to now
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: eat the second part of this teaching. We are getting
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: into some very crucial part now. When the Bible says
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: submit to your husband, you must understand that submitting to
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: him also means to honor him. It means to honor him.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: Now there are problems in different families because the woman
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: does not understand what the man calls honor. What honor
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 2: is to you is not what honor is to him.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: You must understand what honor is to him. I mean,
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: I've prepared your food. It's served on the table. If
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: you like, go and eat. That's not honor to you.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: What honor is to the man? Now you must understand this.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 2: You see, it is to your own good that you
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: honor your man. It is to your own good that
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: you honor your man. honor your man You don't want
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: to have a broken man Beside you Somebody is saying
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: Don't put that on women Women are not the ones
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: Some of them come in broken I'm going to teach
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: about that tonight But don't Life is already hard And
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: is trying to fight many battles on different sides. The
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: least you can make happen. Is to give him a
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: room where he is the king. What you want to
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: achieve in your home. Is to establish a setting where
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: it is clear to all. There is a king in
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 2: this house. And honor means preference. Honor is that he
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 2: is preferred. Is preferred... Honor is preference... That's the idea
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: of honor... You crown your own king... I would have
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: loved to say a few things... In the context of
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: our African setting... not a doctrinal persuasion or a doctrine
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: in the context of our African setting. And that's a disclaimer.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 2: How is this served when it's time to eat? Do
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: you serve him based on your mood? Some women are
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 2: still not aware in this century that it is actually
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: inhumane to pour soup on top of rice. Honor can
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: be learned. I shared this story with you. I mean,
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: my wife got married one time, she just went to
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: the market. You see, honor is one thing you can't
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 2: give yourself. You have to be given. I can respect
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: myself by behaving right, but honor must come from outside,
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: to me. Nobody crowns himself king. He is crowned king.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 2: You must understand. Listen to what I'm saying. To be
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: thinking otherwise is to have a home that is full
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: of chaos. As long as he is your husband, the
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: Bible commands you to honor him. And to honor him
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: is to create an establishment where his kingship is known
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: and felt. I can't bring the reality of my home here.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: But I've been to many homes. And I know that
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 2: they are not going to have peace with the kind
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 2: of structure I'm seeing. Because somehow the woman seems to
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: have concluded that this is what he deserves. And that's
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: what he's going to get. Honor is exemption. You are
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: not all others. You are different. Honor is communication of difference.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 2: We must understand that. Somebody say, why the man who
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 2: should honor the wife? Shut up. Learn yours first. Because
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: people are always talking back. It means you are listening
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 2: to respond. And that's already a problem. You are not
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 2: listening to learn. Listen. See, listen first. Listen and get
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: your path right. Get it right. If you miss the
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: character to enthrone your own king in your house, you
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: will have children who are not princes and princesses. They
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: will be dysfunctional. They will be dysfunctional. And many, listen
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 2: to what I'm saying, African homes in this regard, they
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: are largely abusive. They abuse the life of the children.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: The way a man understands honor is that he is
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: crowned different. The plate I used to eat is different.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 2: The spoon I used to eat is different. They are
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 2: all different. If you see it, you know this is
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: for this person. Nobody uses the type. And that's why
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: when I'm away from home, I struggle to cope with
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 2: eating from anybody's hands. Because in all honesty, I know
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 2: you will honor me when I come. You try, but
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 2: you can't honor me like my wife. You can't beat
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: the record. You can't beat the record. And each time
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 2: she does it, I vow to defend her with my life.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 2: The king in me is steered. How do you have
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 2: a better plate for visitors that you're not using for
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 2: your king? Something is wrong with you. Your best plate,
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: your best cutlery, your best spoon. They are for special guests.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 2: This guy is not special. That's your king. Count him.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 2: It's your duty to count him. Because when you keep
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: washing him down, you will have a man who is
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 2: broken by you. He will not perform at his peak.
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: He is defeated in his mind. He sees the way
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 2: you treat him. He can't go out there and conquer.
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 2: You will be broke. You will be broke. Because his
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 2: esteem is killed every day. When you want to talk anywhere,
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 2: you struggle to find good things to say about your husband.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: Do you know that when you want to celebrate a man,
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 2: it's not enough to say, you are the apple in
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 2: my tea. He wants to hear specifics that he has
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 2: done in your life. And he will not tell you
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 2: when he's not getting it. Except he's really open. And
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: he's wondering, apart from being sugar and tea cockroach in this,
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: am I not more? Have I not been a blessing
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 2: to you? Am I not teaching you? Why did you forget?
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: Anytime you always forget the good things to say when
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 2: it's time to honor your husband, that's the spirit of disrespect.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: It's a wrong spirit. But when you want to complain,
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: you remember every bad thing he has done. Honor your man.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 2: I doubt... The possibility. I'm just... I'm honest to you.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: Everywhere I go to minister... I struggle with the setting.
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 2: In fact, recently we had to decide... If I have
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: to minister for anybody, don't book hotel for me. Don't
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: cook for me. I will book my hotel and I
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 2: will take care of myself. I will bless you and
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 2: get out. Because there is a standard already achieved in
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 2: my house. Everyone else honors him but you. His value
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 2: is known everywhere else. Except by you. Because you are
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 2: a complainer. Not him. Seeing the things he's not doing right.
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 2: You will not have a good man like that. See
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 2: the king in him. Understand that you are a prophet.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 2: Call it out. Very important. That's the way a man
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 2: understands honor. That's the way he sees it. that is preferred,
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 2: that is different. Do you know that you don't honor
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 2: a person at your level? You honor the person at
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 2: his level. The worst statement I hear from people is
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 2: when I tell them, you don't honor me. And you
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 2: tell me, you honor me. You are saying, this is
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 2: who you are. And that's what I give you is
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: what you deserve. I am saying, I am more When
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 2: you want to honor a person, you need a revelation
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 2: of them before you can do it well. If not,
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 2: you can't do it well. If you are not prepared
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 2: to honor a person, don't marry the person. Raise the
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 2: bar of honor. To such a level. That nobody else
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 2: can meet up. Including his mother. Raise the bar. Don't
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 2: be naive. Apart from rice and beans, do you have
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 2: any other idea of what to cook? If it's not
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 2: a ba, it's a mala. Then you are done. Run
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 2: out of idea. You treat him anyhow. You drop his
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 2: food with an attitude. You don't even tell him. You
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 2: expect him to know your food is there. Do you
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 2: know your food can be sweet and yet he can't
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 2: eat it? Because the character stinks. And that's not a
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 2: yardstick to reject your wife's food. Because a real man
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 2: does not function by just mere emotions. You see beyond
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 2: all that. Why do you want to go to bed
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 2: with hunger? Because you want to prove a point. You
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 2: are now sneaking out around 2am to drink cornflakes. Why
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 2: must you suffer yourself? Just swallow the pride. And eat. Eat.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: You don't force things on kings. You know the reason
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 2: why many women don't know how to honor their husbands?
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 2: They didn't see their moms doing the same. Let me
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 2: share a story with you. Hold on a minute. I'm sorry.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 2: This is where it gets very serious, okay? Is that okay?
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 2: Because I'm going to how children perceive love. Then I'm
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 2: going to touch parenting. This is where we are going
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 2: to have issues. One time, A young lady came from
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 2: a very funny home. I mean, you didn't choose where
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: you were born, so it's not your fault. But the
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: mom and the dad had issues so much so that
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 2: the way the mother knows to deal with the man
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 2: is to mix food that is already decomposing with new ones.
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 2: Soup that is decomposing, she will add some ingredients and
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 2: And she's found that if she had more pepper, she
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 2: would not taste the sourness. And she will have some
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 2: new ones and open it when she's warming it so
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 2: the smell can go out. And she will serve him
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 2: and wash it. And many times when the mother is
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 2: doing it, she will be in the kitchen gisting with her.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 2: I told her, don't marry like this. You have seen it.
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 2: You are likely going to repeat it. Because something will
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 2: tell you when a man is like this, that's how
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 2: to respond. Many parents destroyed their own children's homes because
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 2: they don't know how children perceive love. The way a
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 2: child perceives love is sacrifice. It's not the useless stories
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 2: we hear. It is who is making sacrifices that shows
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: that this is the mother. Let me show you a story.
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 2: One of the stories about Solomon Or one of the
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 2: events in the life of Solomon. That made Solomon so popular.
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 2: His fame went abroad. When that happened. Was when an harlot.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 2: Slept on her own child. And went to pick the child.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: Of her friend. That they gave birth around the same time.
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 2: And dropped her own dead child. Around that one. And
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 2: in the morning they both complained. No this is not
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 2: my child. They went to the palace. The king commanded
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 2: one of his swordsmen, take your sword and divide the
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 2: child into two. It was the mother of the child
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 2: who was willing to sacrifice ownership for survival. Listen to this.
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 2: As you begin to grow older, you must learn that
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 2: you have more than just your husband or your wife
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 2: to love. Now you have children to love. And what
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 2: will communicate love to them is that in your decisions
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 2: they can see sacrifices. Things that are legitimate that you
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 2: have to forego so they can have a good life.
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 2: So it is woke to the generation that if a
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 2: man is stressing you, leave the house for him. I'm
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 2: not talking about the case of domestic violence now. It
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 2: is woke To be a baby mama. I can't be
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 2: submitted under any man. Then you will raise children. Without
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 2: fathers in their life. Because you lived for you. You
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 2: did what you did for you. Not for them. And
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 2: they grow up. Lacking the vital part. A man supplies.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 2: One party can't bring what God designed the other party
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 2: to bring. And you must understand that. That as you
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 2: are maturing, you start learning not to live for you alone.
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 2: Because it is not about you alone. You will have
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 2: to make decisions considering your children. That when I insult
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 2: his personality or insult her personality, do I want my
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 2: daughter to be dragged like this? You must learn to
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 2: begin to make decisions. To stop eating alone. Start becoming irresponsible.
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 2: Start thinking about the fact that somebody is going to
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 2: come out from your loins. That your decisions directly affect
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 2: who they become. Some mothers And fathers have children who
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 2: are into Yahoo or what we call internet fraud. And
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 2: they will take the children's name to prophets to pray
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 2: for the child. That's not sacrifice for the child. That
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 2: is for their own belly. She doesn't love the child.
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 2: She just wants to survive. Because many people have not
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 2: learned to understand what love is. A woman has a child.
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 2: And she would rather take the child out in the
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 2: sun at Oshodi. Begging with the children. Using them to
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 2: draw compassion. When she could have learned to learn. Or
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 2: learned something. Give them a better life. That is not
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 2: mother's love. That is wickedness. And where I'm going is.
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 2: Many things about the setting of the African home. Is bad.
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 2: It is abusive. It is dysfunctional. And it has raised
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 2: dysfunctional men and women. It has raised dysfunctional men and women.
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 2: You don't complain in this house. Because you will hear
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 2: this from a dysfunctional father. Children don't dare to question things.
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 2: Because you were from a place that is broken. You
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 2: are not raising zombies. And in failure to communicate, many
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 2: girls have been raped under the noses of their parents.
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 2: They can't talk. Because in African homes, we raise zombies.
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 2: We can't talk. And you have learnt the same thing.
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 2: The way you know how to communicate leadership is that
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 2: you shut people up and they can't speak their minds.
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 2: And these things follow us as pastors. Many pastors are
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 2: abusive because they are from abusive backgrounds. And when I
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 2: mean abusive, I mean they would abuse your essence. It
• 1:27:24
  Speaker 2: is not just fathers who don't know how to hug
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 2: and say I love you. I know what it took
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 2: for me to learn it as a pastor. I had
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 2: to go on a personal decision, a personal journey. to
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 2: learn to be soft. That I can hug any of
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 2: my pastors. And sometimes I watch how I struggle to
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 2: do it and I know that something is spoiled within me.
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 2: This is not the definition of a man. Don't accept
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 2: yourself the way you are. Go on a journey to
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 2: heal and be soft and release that love. You have
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 2: it It is that dysfunctionality that has closed that place.
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 2: And we must understand that. Start learning to make decisions
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 2: that favors your children. Begin from now by marrying a
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 2: good person. Not for yourself, but for them also. We
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 2: have to understand that. Children essentially understand love by looking
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 2: at the sacrifices you make for them. So anybody who
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 2: doesn't understand sacrifice should not attempt parenthood. a journey of compromise,
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 2: of sacrifices, where you have to withhold certain things and
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 2: not respond in certain ways because your daughter is watching.
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 2: And sometimes, I need to say this, many of you
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 2: are broken, bad, badly, and you are battered. Because your
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 2: parents used you as confident. You were not designed to
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 2: be their confident. You are a child. You began to
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 2: meditate over matters that you are not designed to meditate over.
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 2: And you became a breadwinner too soon. It's because there's
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 2: poverty in the house. At the time you should be
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 2: building yours. You already tried to sponsor three siblings in school.
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 2: It is the dysfunctionality of the African homes. And at
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 2: the end of the day, parents are not to be blamed.
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 2: You take the responsibility. Don't repeat the same pattern of abuse.
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 2: Don't tell yourself that what we call on your mom.
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 2: You are in your 40s as a woman. Your colleagues
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 2: at that age are working in different companies. It's the
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 2: time to help your children stand their ground, not to
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 2: milk them. And if that's the kind of background you have,
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 2: you must make a vow that I will break this
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 2: pattern of reproach. Because many of you are failing in
• 1:30:59
  Speaker 2: the things you are doing because you are already carrying
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 2: more than what you should carry at this age. You
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 2: are actually a young person. You know too much than
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 2: you should know. Your mom already told you about their
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 2: sexual life. Your daddy has this, your daddy has done that.
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 2: And she didn't know that each time she's talking about that,
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 2: she's destroying your perspective about men. And many of them
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 2: are not even expecting you to have a better home.
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 2: They just want to survive. And what should be a
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 2: place of purpose? I've become a battleground of survival. Because
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 2: there's so much problem in the house. So it's survival
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 2: of the fittest. There is a wrong pattern in the
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 2: African setting, in Nigerian homes, in African homes. That needs
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 2: to be broken. You must vow. It ends with me.
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 2: It goes no further. I will have a home where
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 2: my wife and children. We are free with each other.
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 2: We sit around the table to jist and laugh. Where
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 2: a father and a son can play PS. And laugh
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 2: with each other. When you are 50. There is nothing
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 2: wrong in your 60s. For you to say my son.
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 2: Take 100 million. Add to your business. Pay me later.
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 2: But you prefer to be perceived by God for 10,000.
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 2: Because that's the way you understand people. Because that's what
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 2: you got. Somebody has to make the decision. The course,
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 2: the pattern of lack, depravity, emotional pain, damage, ends with me.
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 2: You are not about to make your children your confidant.
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 2: As your leaders, pray to God. Leave them to leave
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 2: their space. They should not know too much already. Many
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 2: of them and many parents don't know their children. Everyone
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 2: else knows them except the parents. They just give birth
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 2: to them and pay school fees. Do you know knowing
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 2: your child goes beyond school fees? Do you know what
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 2: this child's future is? That church that that child does
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 2: not want to stop going. Do you know the reason
• 1:33:21
  Speaker 2: why this child doesn't want to stop going to that church?
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 2: What do they provide that is missing at home? You
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 2: don't just find that. You seek to know. And what
• 1:33:31
  Speaker 2: many parents are fighting is the destiny of the child.
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 2: Many of us fought battles to do what we are
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 2: doing today. Parents don't know their children. They are busy
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 2: trying to survive. You've got to break that pattern. We
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 2: are not teaching this for fun. You know what you
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 2: went through. Must your child go through the same? Because
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 2: already you are absent-minded. Just trying to survive your life.
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 2: How many of you here can boast that your parent
• 1:34:04
  Speaker 2: really knows you? They know what you are doing now
• 1:34:07
  Speaker 2: with your life. Some of you preach. They've never heard
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 2: your message before. They wonder, what is he preaching? They
• 1:34:21
  Speaker 2: don't even know the name of the ministry. The problems
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 2: you face. You can't even talk on phone more than
• 1:34:29
  Speaker 2: five minutes. And I'm telling you, I came from a
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 2: setting where God blessed me with a father. And I
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 2: saw what that did to me in making me a man.
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 2: If a man misses that path, there is a need
• 1:34:49
  Speaker 2: for fathering. And I'm just being honest with you. I've
• 1:34:59
  Speaker 2: shown you how to love your husband, how to love
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 2: your wife. Start preparing yourself for the destinies that will
• 1:35:08
  Speaker 2: come from your loins. Detach yourself from the dysfunctionality of
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 2: your background. Sometimes the only way to be a blessing
• 1:35:19
  Speaker 2: to your family is to press around the way. Because
• 1:35:23
  Speaker 2: you cannot solve a problem you are a part of.
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 2: Survive first. Every time you receive call, so-and-so is beating
• 1:35:34
  Speaker 2: the wife again. So-and-so is beating the wife again. This
• 1:35:36
  Speaker 2: one has back out of the house. You are in
• 1:35:38
  Speaker 2: the midst of people and you are trying to be civilized.
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 2: But it looks like the background calls you back. Your
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 2: mommy has done this again. Your daddy has done this again.
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 2: And when they drop the call, they feel they have
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 2: released the burden on you. You release your burden, this
• 1:36:06
  Speaker 2: person begins his or her battle. That's not the way
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 2: to love a child. To love a child most times
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 2: is that you even spare the child from certain information
• 1:36:18
  Speaker 2: and certain knowledge. Because they are not needed at that age.
• 1:36:26
  Speaker 2: And there are things children should never know. It is
• 1:36:29
  Speaker 2: not in their place to know. Am I teaching you?
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 2: Some of you don't know how to heal from such setting.
• 1:36:48
  Speaker 2: I've told you number one. Journey far. And it is
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 2: a conscious decision you have to make. Because for Abraham
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 2: to become a great nation, he has to leave his
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 2: father's house. You cannot be addicted to dysfunctionality. John Ifa,
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 2: before it costs you your essence... Because if they begin
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 2: to bring that baggage to interfere in your marriage, they
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 2: will create tears. There are types of parents that must
• 1:37:33
  Speaker 2: never have your ears in your marriage. Because they will
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 2: speak their fears and everything into it. And that one
• 1:37:41
  Speaker 2: becomes bad. It is not your fault. It's the reality
• 1:37:46
  Speaker 2: you met on ground. What should you do? Journey far.
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 2: Find God and learn in a neutral atmosphere. Learn something
• 1:38:00
  Speaker 2: else apart from what you grew up seeing. And that's
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 2: why I pleaded with you. You see, you need to
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 2: have friends who know how to treat their spouses more
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 2: than the things you have learned elsewhere. You see, those
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 2: friends you have that are always beating their wife, they
• 1:38:18
  Speaker 2: will make your home go bad. Counsel them drawback. Because
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 2: each time they beat themselves, they insult themselves, they are
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 2: telling you it is possible. And the reason why you
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 2: especially have to draw back is because of the kind
• 1:38:32
  Speaker 2: of home you are coming from. You have the tendency
• 1:38:34
  Speaker 2: of doing worse. It is God who is helping you.
• 1:38:37
  Speaker 2: Now they are mirroring it. Look for the one who
• 1:38:39
  Speaker 2: knows how to treat the husband and the one who
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 2: knows how to treat the wife. Get close to them
• 1:38:43
  Speaker 2: and learn. You see that this guy is always checking
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 2: for clothes for the wife, always checking for better things
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 2: for her. Learn from that one. Be close to those
• 1:38:53
  Speaker 2: who are getting it right. Those who are better than you. Why?
• 1:38:59
  Speaker 2: Because a new lineage is forming and you cannot form
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 2: it from the ruins of that dysfunctionality. Some of you
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 2: feel I may never know how to treat a woman
• 1:39:17
  Speaker 2: because you have not seen it. Make sure you see it.
• 1:39:24
  Speaker 2: Make sure you hang around those who are doing it.
• 1:39:27
  Speaker 2: It goes beyond wearing the same clothes. It goes beyond
• 1:39:38
  Speaker 2: wearing the same clothes. If you really want to have
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 2: a home, That is heaven on earth. You need inspirations
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 2: around you. Of how to love. How to be tender.
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 2: How to care. How to be. Listen. You need inspirations
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 2: of integrity. How to be faithful as a man. Your
• 1:40:06
  Speaker 2: sons deserve a model. That shows that it is possible
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 2: to live with one woman. And each time you have
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 2: the hodge. To do something else beyond your wife. Tell yourself.
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 2: My sons deserve the model. To know. That one woman
• 1:40:24
  Speaker 2: is enough. For a lifetime. Don't get into adultery. Because
• 1:40:31
  Speaker 2: once you start. A run in families. Somebody must break
• 1:40:35
  Speaker 2: the pattern. Your son. Deserves to have a model. That shows.
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 2: That the mother is enough. The girls deserve to have
• 1:40:47
  Speaker 2: a mother that shows that she can be enough for
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 2: her husband. Some of you are struggling with your emotions.
• 1:40:56
  Speaker 2: They are all over the place. Because you grew from
• 1:40:59
  Speaker 2: homes where you've seen all over many things. Somebody has
• 1:41:03
  Speaker 2: to break the cycle. Is it you or should God
• 1:41:05
  Speaker 2: wait for your children? Or will they have to fight
• 1:41:10
  Speaker 2: this same battle and maybe they will fail also? Once
• 1:41:14
  Speaker 2: you break it, they have neutral grounds to commence from.
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 2: Be at the bonds and all that, but break it.
• 1:41:24
  Speaker 2: And somebody has to cry tonight that adultery will not
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 2: flow through me. Infidelity, dysfunctionality, it ends. This is where
• 1:41:39
  Speaker 2: it ends. It ends. This is where it stops. This
• 1:41:45
  Speaker 2: is where everything ends. The pattern of pain. And having
• 1:41:52
  Speaker 2: men who are broken and girls who are battered. This
• 1:41:55
  Speaker 2: is where it ends. It goes no further. You have
• 1:42:07
  Speaker 2: to understand that the battle you are fighting is not
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 2: for you alone. Some children will continue from where you stop.
• 1:42:16
  Speaker 2: You have to understand that the heart you feel to misbehave,
• 1:42:21
  Speaker 2: to disappoint, to break the key, to break the code,
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 2: it is because the devil wants you to eat the
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 2: forbidden fruit so that your seed can be corrupted. But
• 1:42:35
  Speaker 2: somebody has to cry The pattern of shame. Of pain.
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 2: And dysfunctionality.
• 1:42:45
  Speaker 5: It goes no further. It goes no further. It goes
• 1:42:55
  Speaker 5: no further. It goes no further. It goes no further.
• 1:43:06
  Speaker 2: It ends here and now.
• 1:43:09
  Speaker 6: I refuse to sell off. I understand that the hodge
• 1:43:13
  Speaker 6: I feel, the men who have gone ahead of me
• 1:43:17
  Speaker 6: failed at it. I refuse to compromise. The future is bright.
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 6: I will not sell out.
• 1:43:27
  Speaker 2: I refuse to be another failed vessel. I understand the trick.
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 2: The playbook of the devil is exposed. it goes more further.
• 1:43:53
  Speaker 2: And Jesus, mighty name we're praying, sit down for a moment.
• 1:44:01
  Speaker 2: One of the ways to make sacrifices for your children
• 1:44:08
  Speaker 2: Born or unborn is to become a noble pattern. And
• 1:44:18
  Speaker 2: I can tell my sons and daughters that I began
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 2: to pastor before I got married and I did not
• 1:44:26
  Speaker 2: touch any of God's children. I've never defiled anyone and
• 1:44:30
  Speaker 2: they say it is possible. It is easy to misbehave
• 1:44:34
  Speaker 2: in a place where there's patterns. It doesn't matter the
• 1:44:38
  Speaker 2: mistake you have made in the past. The pattern can end.
• 1:44:45
  Speaker 2: The pattern can end. In some places, pattern of pregnancy
• 1:44:51
  Speaker 2: outside marriage. And you wonder why in your relationship you
• 1:44:56
  Speaker 2: can't almost keep arms off each other. The same thing
• 1:44:59
  Speaker 2: you are bowing to, they all bow to it and failed.
• 1:45:02
  Speaker 2: Who is going to pass the test? Who is going
• 1:45:06
  Speaker 2: to end it? Who is ready to pay the price?
• 1:45:12
  Speaker 2: Who can God find that he can commence a new
• 1:45:14
  Speaker 2: lineage from? When we have to live a life of integrity,
• 1:45:19
  Speaker 2: it goes beyond me. Do you think I don't have feelings?
• 1:45:22
  Speaker 2: You do, right, my man? I tell myself, it is
• 1:45:31
  Speaker 2: beyond me. That if any of my sons, physical sons
• 1:45:38
  Speaker 2: or spiritual sons, want to misbehave, they can nobly ask themselves,
• 1:45:42
  Speaker 2: who do I want to resemble? God forbid. They can't
• 1:45:46
  Speaker 2: say he's doing it too. Or they are saying he's
• 1:45:48
  Speaker 2: doing it too. Because your integrity is going to preserve
• 1:45:53
  Speaker 2: a generation. And that's why you have to pay the price.
• 1:46:02
  Speaker 2: Your nobility, your fidelity is going to preserve. It goes
• 1:46:07
  Speaker 2: beyond you. When Esau was eating the plate of porridge,
• 1:46:12
  Speaker 2: he was quenching his afternoon hunger. But he was depriving
• 1:46:17
  Speaker 2: all the seeds in his loins. And the seed in
• 1:46:20
  Speaker 2: the loins of his loins, loins. And there is something
• 1:46:24
  Speaker 2: they will not become. Because one person ate something. You
• 1:46:32
  Speaker 2: must do better. You must do better. Let me say
• 1:46:37
  Speaker 2: this to you. The pattern you grew from is going
• 1:46:40
  Speaker 2: to come looking for you. But you must stand your ground.
• 1:46:47
  Speaker 2: It is warfare. When that day comes, you must be
• 1:46:53
  Speaker 2: ready to get up and fight. The pattern of immorality
• 1:46:59
  Speaker 2: that you so hate... That you met on ground. Is
• 1:47:03
  Speaker 2: going to come knocking at your doors. And the devil
• 1:47:07
  Speaker 2: will give you. Justifiable reason why you should do it.
• 1:47:11
  Speaker 2: But you must remember. They all did it. And they
• 1:47:15
  Speaker 2: became what they became. I won't. Regardless of how. Good
• 1:47:22
  Speaker 2: it seemed. To present itself to me. It is warfare.
• 1:47:27
  Speaker 2: Everything you hate. Is going to come lusting after you.
• 1:47:34
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you in case no one has told you.
• 1:47:36
  Speaker 2: When that day comes, you must be ready to fight.
• 1:47:39
  Speaker 2: I see people everywhere on social media saying their parents
• 1:47:43
  Speaker 2: are this, their parents are that. There is high chance
• 1:47:45
  Speaker 2: their children will say the same thing about them. Because
• 1:47:48
  Speaker 2: the same situation is going to come haunting after them.
• 1:47:52
  Speaker 2: And many already are failing at it. So you must
• 1:47:57
  Speaker 2: master the art of war. Jesus said, the prince of
• 1:48:01
  Speaker 2: this world came to me and found nothing Of his
• 1:48:04
  Speaker 2: in me. You know. Listen. One day the devil came
• 1:48:13
  Speaker 2: for me. And I'm telling you he's going to come
• 1:48:18
  Speaker 2: for you. And I had to. Subject myself. To prayer. Fasting.
• 1:48:31
  Speaker 2: And yes. I will. You may not hear a pastor
• 1:48:36
  Speaker 2: tell you this. I will not sell out. I would
• 1:48:40
  Speaker 2: rather die. And that day, I discovered that when the
• 1:48:50
  Speaker 2: battle becomes fierce, the devil begins to over, to check
• 1:48:54
  Speaker 2: the areas you once failed. Those are the weak links
• 1:48:58
  Speaker 2: for you to fail again. Don't create a system where
• 1:49:05
  Speaker 2: the devil does not have to search far to see
• 1:49:08
  Speaker 2: how he can get you to fail. If you feel
• 1:49:16
  Speaker 2: I don't get tempted. I'm telling you I get tempted.
• 1:49:21
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I just want to call your attention. You must
• 1:49:24
  Speaker 2: speak like Job. I have made covenant with my eyes.
• 1:49:33
  Speaker 2: Greatness is better than adultery. I choose greatness. Greatness is
• 1:49:43
  Speaker 2: better than the pleasure of a moment. The men we
• 1:49:48
  Speaker 2: honor today, we honor them because they stood their ground.
• 1:49:54
  Speaker 2: Through whatever pains they went through, they communicated a model
• 1:49:58
  Speaker 2: that it is possible. Will there be scarcity of model
• 1:50:01
  Speaker 2: because you are selling out or selling off? And that's
• 1:50:06
  Speaker 2: why I say it's a warfare. The pressure is not you.
• 1:50:13
  Speaker 2: It is coming for your seeds. If I ask you
• 1:50:17
  Speaker 2: to pray, will you pray let me give you a
• 1:50:23
  Speaker 2: few minutes I want to give you the next couple
• 1:50:28
  Speaker 2: of minutes pick a spot guys don't get used to
• 1:50:31
  Speaker 2: being in the confines of chair you have things to
• 1:50:34
  Speaker 2: deal with that others may not understand so leave them
• 1:50:37
  Speaker 2: get up on your feet everyone it goes beyond just
• 1:50:43
  Speaker 2: trying to have a home for the fun of it
• 1:50:46
  Speaker 2: it is actually a new lineage that God is forming
• 1:50:50
  Speaker 2: it is not for the fun of it So it
• 1:50:55
  Speaker 2: is not just a new family. It is a new generation.
• 1:50:59
  Speaker 2: It is a new lineage. It is a new thing.
• 1:51:03
  Speaker 2: God is trying to do what the type does not
• 1:51:08
  Speaker 2: exist in your lineage. He's starting something new. And that's
• 1:51:13
  Speaker 2: why the battle is fierce. Can you just cry to
• 1:51:20
  Speaker 2: God and say, help me, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm
• 1:51:23
  Speaker 2: available to be used by you. Help me. Help me.
• 1:51:40
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Father. We bless your holy name, God. In
• 1:51:47
  Speaker 2: Jesus' mighty name, we pray. Amen. To all of you
• 1:51:52
  Speaker 2: who have ever had to think of how to tell
• 1:51:54
  Speaker 2: your spouse the kind of home you came from. Where
• 1:51:57
  Speaker 2: you have had to give them orientation before they visit
• 1:51:59
  Speaker 2: your house because anything can happen. Where you have had
• 1:52:03
  Speaker 2: to panic around your wedding period not knowing who may
• 1:52:06
  Speaker 2: pull some surprises. More reason why you must decide it
• 1:52:13
  Speaker 2: goes no further. It ends here. It ends with me.
• 1:52:19
  Speaker 2: A new generation will call me blessed Because someone decided.
• 1:52:23
  Speaker 2: It ends with me. Do we have people like that
• 1:52:28
  Speaker 2: in the house tonight? Sometimes our church settings are absent.
• 1:52:37
  Speaker 2: We are not in touch with these realities. And I've
• 1:52:40
  Speaker 2: said I've read many Christian books. On the relationship. None
• 1:52:43
  Speaker 2: of them really put in perspective. That there are people
• 1:52:46
  Speaker 2: coming from dysfunctional backgrounds. And guess what? They are more
• 1:52:52
  Speaker 2: than 70%. Thank God for the American books. There is
• 1:52:59
  Speaker 2: something the devil is trying to do in Africa. He
• 1:53:02
  Speaker 2: is doing it everywhere. But there are realities that are
• 1:53:06
  Speaker 2: unique to this place. I decree over all of you.
• 1:53:15
  Speaker 2: You will not be a failed lineage any and heavy
• 1:53:27
  Speaker 2: form of pain dysfunctionality abuse that has flowed through your
• 1:53:37
  Speaker 2: lineage any form of perversion any form of sin that
• 1:53:44
  Speaker 2: has swallowed mighty men over your life, it goes no further.
• 1:53:57
  Speaker 2: From you and in you, God will find a vessel
• 1:54:01
  Speaker 2: worthy of a new lineage. You will not stop where
• 1:54:06
  Speaker 2: they stopped. You will not fail where they failed. You
• 1:54:13
  Speaker 2: will not make their mistakes. It is done. In Jesus'
• 1:54:21
  Speaker 2: mighty name, we have prayed. Let's give the Lord a
• 1:54:25
  Speaker 2: big hand.
• 1:54:27
  Speaker 1: The message you just listened to is sponsored by the
• 1:54:30
  Speaker 1: friends and partners of Femi Lazarus Apostolic Ministries Ecumenical, FLAME.
• 1:54:35
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• 1:54:39
  Speaker 2: 221-500-5289 UBA