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The Best of Episodes 1-20 · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Oh, you just want to cut the cold open, Eric?
• 0:02
  Matt: Okay, I'll just go right into it then.
• 0:03
  Matt: Hello, everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, a podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 0:10
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea, and He isn't here.
• 0:14
  Matt: No, Eric Poach.
• 0:16
  Matt: It's just me and you today, listeners.
• 0:18
  Matt: That's right.
• 0:19
  Matt: You get a little private podcasting this morning or evening.
• 0:24
  Matt: Whenever you're listening to this, it's an on-demand medium.
• 0:26
  Matt: You see what happened, listeners, is Eric and I sat down and said, We've done 20 of these episodes now.
• 0:33
  Matt: I mean, don't we deserve a little bit of a respite?
• 0:37
  Matt: Don't we get some sort of break?
• 0:38
  Matt: Don't we get some sort of vacation from this never-ending production cycle?
• 0:44
  Matt: The fans are banging down the door saying content, content, content.
• 0:49
  Matt: What happened is our vacation schedules didn't really line up so good, so we haven't done episode 21 yet.
• 0:54
  Matt: But don't you worry, we'll have it ready for you in two weeks' time, right back here.
• 1:01
  Matt: But in the meantime, ooh, we got a special one for you today.
• 1:05
  Matt: Literally a special edition of the show.
• 1:09
  Matt: The very first best of episode.
• 1:12
  Matt: That's right.
• 1:12
  Matt: Today we present to you the best of the first 20 episodes of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:19
  Matt: Only the very best, the cream of the crop, the top tier bits only.
• 1:25
  Matt: So, without further ado, sit back, relax, and enjoy So Miss Scarlet always is depicted as a a femme fatale.
• 1:52
  Matt: And this so to read from the fandom, she's portrayed as young, cunning, and highly attractive.
• 1:59
  Matt: And she goes first.
• 2:00
  Matt: She goes first.
• 2:01
  Matt: She takes the initiative.
• 2:03
  Matt: The fact that even when they dropped the order of the characters, the fact that Miss Scarlet apparently, according to the rules, always goes first.
• 2:12
  Matt: I imagine that's something she says.
• 2:14
  Eric: Oh uh, you could you know in the American UK or the American version, she's like a, you know, a s southern bell.
• 2:20
  Matt: Oh, I don't know about that.
• 2:22
  Matt: You cast you casting Scarlet as a Southern Bell?
• 2:25
  Matt: Her name's Miss Scarlet.
• 2:27
  Matt: Okay, I mean sure.
• 2:31
  Matt: Fine, I guess.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_05: I would never murder someone.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_05: Let me just start investigating.
• 2:38
  Matt: I don't know.
• 2:38
  Matt: I feel like I get more of like a Jessica Rabbit feel.
• 2:42
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 2:43
  Matt: With Miss Scarlet.
• 2:44
  Matt: Yeah.
• 2:44
  Matt: Okay, so anyway.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_05: He makes me laugh.
• 2:47
  Matt: We should probably stop fantasizing about Miss Scarlet.
• 2:52
  Eric: Let me just, let me just.
• 2:57
  Matt: What you got there?
• 2:58
  Eric: It's my uh two-liter Stanley Thermos.
• 3:02
  Eric: Just gonna top up.
• 3:03
  Eric: It's steamin'.
• 3:04
  Eric: Yep.
• 3:05
  Eric: Oh yeah, I gotta keep the water at a good you know 70 degrees Celsius, Matthew, uh, to pour it over a nice steaming hot mate of yerba.
• 3:16
  Eric: Mate.
• 3:17
  Eric: Mate.
• 3:17
  Eric: Oh, see, mate is the name of the cup and the herb itself.
• 3:22
  Eric: Wait, so what do you have there?
• 3:25
  Eric: I I I uh I think I had a mini quarter life crisis, so I decided at like 2 a.m.
• 3:33
  Eric: Uh-huh uh like a week ago that I wanted to try this Brazilian Argentinian uh Ecuadorian drink.
• 3:42
  Eric: It's like a tea, and you fill a giant gourd full of this this loose sleeve here.
• 3:49
  Eric: I'll hold it up to the camera for you so you can see it.
• 3:52
  Matt: Oh my gosh.
• 3:53
  Matt: Wait, hold on.
• 3:54
  Matt: Let it focus in.
• 3:55
  Eric: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:56
  Eric: Take it in.
• 3:57
  Eric: It look what it looks like bird seed.
• 3:59
  Eric: That's mate, baby.
• 4:01
  Eric: That's mate.
• 4:04
  Eric: But you're drinking it out of a straw.
• 4:06
  Eric: Oh, you gotta drink it out of a bombillo.
• 4:09
  Eric: Out of a who?
• 4:10
  Eric: Out of a bombillo.
• 4:12
  Eric: Why?
• 4:12
  Eric: How did you become such a man of the world?
• 4:15
  Eric: What is but the filtered straw through which I drink my yerba mate?
• 4:19
  Eric: I cannot have the mate come up into my mouth like some sort of peasant.
• 4:24
  Matt: What?
• 4:24
  Matt: Of course not.
• 4:26
  Matt: What uh what does it taste like?
• 4:28
  Matt: It's very earthy.
• 4:31
  Matt: Um, grassy tones to it.
• 4:34
  Eric: It's very earthy.
• 4:35
  Matt: You know, whenever somebody says it tastes very earthy, I always feel like that's their polite way of saying, oh, it tastes like shit.
• 4:45
  Eric: Uh the fucked up thing is I was about to say, I was literally about to say, it's an acquired taste.
• 4:51
  Matt: It oh yeah, the other classic, the other classic, you have to hate it for a while until your body gives in to the peer pressure you're putting it under to allow you to like it.
• 5:04
  Eric: You're not wrong.
• 5:05
  Matt: It's like IPAs.
• 5:07
  Matt: Oh, it is it is the IPA of tea.
• 5:10
  Matt: It's an acquired taste.
• 5:11
  Matt: Yeah, it is an acquired taste because it tastes like you're drinking filtered bark.
• 5:18
  Matt: So wait a minute.
• 5:19
  Matt: So, yeah, because that's what people say about like sorry, but healthy things when they're like, oh, it tastes so earthy.
• 5:27
  Matt: Yeah, what I see that I see someone Pac-Manning out in the going outside, put it face first down into the sod and just chomping down.
• 5:38
  Matt: That's what earthy tastes like to me.
• 5:40
  Eric: Now I will I now I will be clear.
• 5:42
  Eric: Okay.
• 5:43
  Eric: If you go to YouTube, you will find a lot of videos, a lot of channels about yerba mate, mostly made by weird white people, which is wild because this has not this beverage in the culture bind has nothing to do with white people.
• 5:59
  Eric: Um, but a lot of white people from California really love yerba mate.
• 6:05
  Eric: Uh and they'll talk about it.
• 6:07
  Matt: Now that you're helping its case.
• 6:09
  Eric: Well, I just want to be clear that I have that this interest, like most interests that I have, I hate all the other people who do it.
• 6:18
  Eric: Um yeah, but you're fine, though.
• 6:20
  Eric: I'm fine.
• 6:20
  Eric: I'm pure.
• 6:24
  Eric: But uh so they'll talk about how, like, oh yes, it's full of antioxidants, and it's very good for clean.
• 6:32
  Eric: Like the words, you know, cleanse get used a lot.
• 6:36
  Matt: Yeah, see, those are words that I don't like to hear about my intake.
• 6:41
  Eric: Yeah.
• 6:42
  Eric: And that's fair.
• 6:43
  Eric: I want to be clear, the reason I'm drinking this, and the reason ninety percent of the people who drink this across the world like drink it, is because it is a nice, good, fuck you dose of caffeine.
• 7:00
  Matt: I was just gonna say, it sounds like it uh gets you going in the morning, if you know what I'm trying to say.
• 7:09
  Eric: Oh.
• 7:10
  Eric: And it's like it's it's not a it's not like a a a crazy amount.
• 7:14
  Eric: It's like less caffeine than coffee, but mmm significantly more than tea.
• 7:19
  Eric: So I get like borderline coffee energy, but I don't get all jittery.
• 7:25
  Matt: Okay, so this is gonna be one of those episodes where we have to pause so you can poop.
• 7:29
  Matt: Is that it?
• 7:31
  Matt: Most assuredly.
• 7:33
  Matt: It is a southern Pennsylvania delicacy, much like the much more controversial Scrapple.
• 7:42
  Matt: Scrapple is a Pennsylvania thing.
• 7:46
  Eric: And the best way I've ever heard it described for anyone who may not know what Scrapple is, it is everything they will not put in the hot dog.
• 7:55
  Matt: Okay, that is a rather graphic way of describing what Scrapple is.
• 8:00
  Eric: It's fucking delicious.
• 8:01
  Matt: I'm not gonna say, yeah, so the way my whole life, the way I've operated with Scrapple, with a with a Scrapple virgin, has been to say, when I say, Have you never had Scrapple?
• 8:11
  Matt: And they've been like, no, no, no, no, no, what's a Scrapple?
• 8:14
  Matt: And I say, okay, order some, try it.
• 8:17
  Matt: And they're like, what's in it?
• 8:19
  Matt: And I say, just try it first.
• 8:24
  Matt: Try it so I can hear you admit out loud it's good, before I tell you that it's composed of the scraps that fell off the meat processor.
• 8:38
  Matt: Before I tell you that the the particles were collected with a broom and dustpan.
• 8:43
  Eric: Yes.
• 8:47
  Eric: Oh.
• 8:48
  Matt: Anyway, I think we've answered the question.
• 8:50
  Matt: Oh, we have.
• 8:51
  Matt: Oh, long ago.
• 8:52
  Matt: You have many cubes underground at this point.
• 8:56
  Matt: And when you're down there, you find the cicada lair.
• 9:00
  Matt: There we are.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: Where they're all sleeping, waiting, germinating, and becoming the full-blown cicada they were destined to be.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe one's awake.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe one's awake.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: He's like the guardian.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, Oh yes, you have you've traveled many cubes to our lair.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: And my law.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: I cannot let you leave.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: You see, I am the watcher.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: I am the watcher of the cicade.
• 9:29
  Eric: They call themselves the cicade.
• 9:31
  Eric: The cicade.
• 9:34
  Matt: It's funny.
• 9:35
  Matt: No, there isn't a watcher.
• 9:37
  Matt: They're all watchers because they're all awake tunneling.
• 9:39
  Matt: Oh, and that begs the question: why?
• 9:43
  Matt: What are they up to down there?
• 9:46
  Matt: And why hasn't there been a full-blown bug's life adaptation of the cicadas life?
• 9:53
  Eric: That like that shit markets itself.
• 9:56
  Eric: Pixar, you could have you could have teeded this up.
• 9:58
  Eric: You had 17 years to plan it.
• 10:01
  Matt: Beyond that, you could have released at least two by this point.
• 10:05
  Eric: Ugh.
• 10:06
  Eric: Okay, so these little fucking creeps.
• 10:10
  Eric: These creeps, these singing creeps.
• 10:13
  Eric: These degenerates.
• 10:14
  Matt: They're awake and they're underground.
• 10:17
  Eric: Are two on two feet underground.
• 10:20
  Eric: But that's the thing.
• 10:21
  Eric: Two feet is not that far.
• 10:24
  Matt: Nothing.
• 10:25
  Matt: It is nothing.
• 10:26
  Matt: Because you never, you never hear stories.
• 10:28
  Matt: Now, if you're out in the garden with your little trowel, you're not going two feet deep, okay?
• 10:34
  Matt: But you never hear stories.
• 10:36
  Matt: Uh no one has ever said to me, Oh, yeah, I was digging today and my I was, you know, redoing my backyard and I came across some cicadas.
• 10:44
  Matt: Nobody ever says that.
• 10:45
  Matt: We get cicada whale.
• 10:47
  Matt: Buzz and go! And that leads me to believe that the cicadas, when they sense danger, burrow even deeper.
• 10:52
  Matt: Oh, fuck that.
• 10:53
  Matt: They take it a little deeper.
• 10:54
  Matt: You keep introducing elements in this that make me hate it more.
• 10:58
  Matt: What I'm saying to you is they don't want to be seen.
• 11:00
  Matt: And when they hear when they hear that shovel coming, they say, Oh no, boys, down we go.
• 11:06
  Matt: We gotta take it a couple cubes deeper.
• 11:08
  Eric: Go on even now.
• 11:10
  Matt: Come on.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_02: Come on, the cicade, follow me into the depths of the air.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: Thus always have we persisted.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: The time is not right for us.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: When the moon screams and the sun goes dark, then we will rise.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: So let's say.
• 11:29
  Matt: Michael Myers is successful.
• 11:32
  Eric: Yep.
• 11:32
  Eric: He is knifed the final strode.
• 11:34
  Matt: He's knifed the final strode.
• 11:36
  Matt: There he is.
• 11:37
  Matt: I'm gonna put him.
• 11:38
  Matt: Should we should we paint the uh should we paint the picture of how many strodes a man must walk down?
• 11:45
  Matt: Yes, so he's got that final strode, whoever it might be, whatever incarnation of Jamie Lee Curtis, he's got.
• 11:51
  Matt: Kevin, Kevin Strode.
• 11:53
  Matt: He's got Kevin Strode.
• 11:55
  Eric: Kevin Strode account.
• 11:56
  Matt: Honestly, sounds like he deserves.
• 12:00
  Matt: I mean Kevin Strode.
• 12:02
  Matt: Ugh.
• 12:03
  Matt: Uh, you know, Kevin Strode sounds like a jockey.
• 12:06
  Eric: Yeah.
• 12:08
  Eric: It's 2020.
• 12:08
  Eric: They're like money.
• 12:09
  Matt: Kevin Strode sounds like a jockey douchebag in high school.
• 12:12
  Eric: Oh, Kevin Strode.
• 12:14
  Eric: Kevin Strode.
• 12:16
  Eric: Like he's he's that guy that everyone would say his entire name every time they see him.
• 12:20
  Matt: Yeah.
• 12:21
  Matt: Like, here comes Kevin Strode.
• 12:22
  Matt: Oh, look, he wants to pant somebody in gym classical.
• 12:26
  Eric: Oh, here comes Kevin Strode.
• 12:28
  Eric: He's gonna ask my mom to buy him wine coolers for his party.
• 12:31
  Matt: Fucking Kevin Strode.
• 12:33
  Eric: Fucking Kevin Strode.
• 12:35
  Matt: Okay, so Kevin Strode.
• 12:37
  Matt: Kevin Strode's fucking dead.
• 12:38
  Matt: Business end.
• 12:39
  Eric: He's done.
• 12:40
  Matt: He's done.
• 12:42
  Eric: Fuck Kevin Strode.
• 12:44
  Eric: Go on.
• 12:45
  Matt: Kevin Strode is is run through with that chef's knife of uh Michael Myers.
• 12:53
  Matt: And Michael Myers, I'm gonna put him right in the middle of the street.
• 12:56
  Matt: He realizes he chased Kevin's fucking tech Kevin Strode into the street.
• 13:02
  Matt: In public.
• 13:03
  Matt: Got him where it hurts.
• 13:04
  Matt: In public.
• 13:05
  Eric: People are clapping.
• 13:08
  Eric: Everyone's so happy that Kevin is dead.
• 13:10
  Matt: Michael!
• 13:11
  Eric: Michael Michael! Michael Michael Michael I love this already.
• 13:18
  Eric: Yes, good.
• 13:19
  Matt: And as as the blood slow as he slowly withdraws his knife and the blood drips droplet by droplet by droplet, he sees all of these cheering admirers.
• 13:35
  Matt: The mayor hands him the key to the city and says, Thank you, Michael.
• 13:43
  Eric: Is the mayor Loomis?
• 13:45
  Eric: Thank you, Michael.
• 13:49
  Eric: Thank you, Michael.
• 13:51
  Eric: Thank you, Michael.
• 13:53
  Eric: It is weird.
• 13:54
  Eric: It is weird ghost voice.
• 13:56
  Eric: Loomis is the closest equivalent we have to a human ghost.
• 14:00
  Eric: He's an alive ghost.
• 14:02
  Eric: Go home, Michael.
• 14:04
  Eric: Go home to where it all began.
• 14:06
  Matt: Yeah, Loomis the human ghost.
• 14:08
  Matt: You're a civil servant, Michael.
• 14:10
  Matt: Uh so Loomis the human ghost and the mayor.
• 14:13
  Matt: The ghost mayor of hand him the key to the city for his service of killing fucking Kevin Strode, who everyone looks down at in the street and says, Oh god, I'm sorry he's even here still.
• 14:29
  Eric: They throw a tarp over him.
• 14:30
  Matt: Yeah, Michael's still there, droplet by droplet.
• 14:34
  Matt: The blood is finishing its way off the knife, because it also doesn't want to have any God, the knife rejects Kevin Strode, such a douchebag as he.
• 14:44
  Matt: And Michael sees all all all of his admirers and he slowly realizes that it's all over.
• 14:54
  Matt: His great journey, Eric, has come to its inevitable conclusion with this murder of Duncan Kevin Scrode.
• 15:04
  Eric: He's now dead.
• 15:07
  Matt: And he slowly, very deliberately, takes off that William Shatner bleached mask and drops it on the ground.
• 15:19
  Matt: No, no, you know what?
• 15:20
  Matt: He doesn't drop it.
• 15:22
  Matt: Everyone looks at his face and goes, my guys gorgeous.
• 15:28
  Matt: A silence falls over Adamfield, Illinois, as he slowly looks out at the rising sun and begins his walk down that final street.
• 15:44
  Matt: And slowly he lets the mask fall behind him.
• 15:49
  Matt: He's free.
• 15:51
  Matt: He's free.
• 15:52
  Matt: He's free.
• 15:53
  Matt: He's earned it.
• 15:54
  Matt: Okay, so we're giving we're giving a lot of intelligence points to Gaston right now.
• 16:00
  Matt: Oh, I think.
• 16:02
  Matt: Well, okay.
• 16:02
  Matt: And you know what?
• 16:03
  Matt: I gotta say, you make a good case that he's just playing this small provincial town.
• 16:09
  Matt: Like a fucking fiddle.
• 16:10
  Eric: Like a fucking fiddle.
• 16:12
  Eric: I don't think he's I don't think this is something he sat down and dreamed up and planned.
• 16:18
  Eric: He's like, ah yes.
• 16:19
  Matt: He just sort of fell into it.
• 16:21
  Eric: He like by sh one of those guys where by sheer power of charisma, he just convinced everyone that this is what they wanted.
• 16:30
  Eric: And it just happened to benefit him the most.
• 16:33
  Matt: But here's the thing.
• 16:34
  Matt: He must come from a wealthy family if he was starting with four dozen eggs as a lad.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: He oh, that's true.
• 16:44
  Matt: Because he wasn't bringing in the meat in the gastronomics as a as a young tyke.
• 16:50
  Eric: Yeah.
• 16:51
  Eric: God.
• 16:53
  Eric: Oh, what if his what if his family owns all of the chickens?
• 16:58
  Eric: Oh fuck me.
• 17:00
  Eric: What if his family owns all the chickens and they've just had their boy set up for life?
• 17:06
  Matt: Oh, okay.
• 17:07
  Matt: So we don't what we have now is we don't have a bunch of farmers farming chickens.
• 17:14
  Matt: The Gaston family has a monopoly on chickens and eggs.
• 17:21
  Eric: Yep.
• 17:22
  Matt: And eggs are pretty essential when you're making all your own food, as I would assume most families in this provincial town are doing.
• 17:31
  Eric: Your breads, your baguettes.
• 17:33
  Eric: Your baguettes?
• 17:34
  Matt: Marie!
• 17:35
  Eric: The baguettes! The baguettes, Marie! Also, don't yell at Marie, you piece of shit.
• 17:41
  Matt: You piece of shit.
• 17:42
  Matt: How about the baguettes, you motherfucker?
• 17:45
  Matt: You're the goddamn baker! Yeah! Goddamn, bake me a baguette, bitch! Bake me a baguette, baker.
• 17:52
  Matt: Is this not France?
• 17:55
  Matt: Are we not in France?
• 17:58
  Matt: I mean, it is a little confusing that none of you have French accents.
• 18:02
  Matt: It's kinda weird.
• 18:04
  Matt: The only one who has a French accent is the fucking candlestick.
• 18:09
  Eric: And the clock is English! Bakes the cheesecake, cake or pie question.
• 18:16
  Matt: That's a question?
• 18:17
  Matt: Oh, you Matt! There are you mean to tell me there are people on this planet Earth that believe cheesecake.
• 18:27
  Matt: Sorry, let me just make sure that got picked up.
• 18:30
  Matt: Cheesecake is a pie.
• 18:33
  Eric: Oh, Matt, we're gonna have words.
• 18:36
  Eric: You are one of these people?
• 18:38
  Eric: Matthew.
• 18:40
  Eric: Matthew.
• 18:41
  Matt: This is we we really tangented the first question.
• 18:46
  Eric: Let's really just unpack this real quick.
• 18:48
  Eric: So, Matt, first off, before we even get into this, you were sitting your happy ass down to make a cheesecake.
• 18:56
  Matt: Yes.
• 18:57
  Eric: So what is the first thing you need in order to build this cheesecake?
• 19:05
  Eric: What's the first thing that before anything else can get you know introduced into the mix?
• 19:14
  Eric: What foundation upon which you rest your cheesecake kingdom do you require?
• 19:22
  Matt: You mean to tell me your definition of a pie comes down to the crust?
• 19:29
  Matt: Crust and filling?
• 19:31
  Matt: Yes, Matt.
• 19:32
  Matt: It's not filling, though.
• 19:34
  Eric: But is so what's it doing in the crust, Matt?
• 19:39
  Matt: Okay.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Stopping by for a visit?
• 19:41
  Matt: Okay, if you surround Go on.
• 19:47
  Eric: I'm listening.
• 19:48
  Matt: Okay, let me ask you this.
• 19:50
  Eric: Yes.
• 19:50
  Eric: Let's go down this fucking hole.
• 19:53
  Matt: Would you say that a pizza is defined by the presence of crust?
• 20:01
  Matt: Matthew.
• 20:02
  Matt: It is a part.
• 20:03
  Matt: It is a part.
• 20:04
  Matt: It is a component of pizza.
• 20:06
  Eric: Mateo.
• 20:07
  Matt: If you just had the crust, if I handed you a crust-only pizza from Pizza Hud, then that is bread.
• 20:17
  Matt: That is a discus of bread.
• 20:20
  Eric: Now we're getting into how like pie pie definition vis-a-vis and other things.
• 20:29
  Eric: So a pizza, flat ass bread.
• 20:34
  Eric: Unless you're in Chicago, we're not even going there.
• 20:38
  Matt: Where there are no laws, no pizza laws in Chi town.
• 20:42
  Matt: I don't think anyone calls it that in real life.
• 20:44
  Matt: Anyway.
• 20:46
  Eric: Flat bread upon which sauce and cheese toppings are placed.
• 20:54
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 20:55
  Eric: Are they laid as if at an altar to some unseen god.
• 21:03
  Eric: Pie.
• 21:04
  Eric: The crust is a valley.
• 21:08
  Eric: It is a basin in which the filling is poured and laid and then forged into a pie.
• 21:21
  Matt: So let me ask you this.
• 21:22
  Matt: Okay.
• 21:23
  Eric: Okay.
• 21:23
  Eric: Okay.
• 21:24
  Matt: You have a cake.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 21:26
  Matt: You got a perfectly fine cake.
• 21:28
  Matt: If you surround that cake with a nice decorative convention called Marzipan for our Great British Bake Show friends, you put Mar Marzipan around your cake.
• 21:41
  Matt: Is that not a crust like container that you're putting around your cake?
• 21:46
  Matt: Does that then become an upside down pie?
• 21:50
  Matt: It does.
• 21:51
  Eric: Alright.
• 21:52
  Eric: Alright.
• 21:53
  Matt: Uh huh.
• 21:54
  Matt: Uh huh.
• 21:54
  Matt: Watch 'em falter.
• 21:56
  Eric: Marzipan.
• 21:57
  Eric: If I take a fork.
• 22:00
  Eric: If I take a goddamn fork mat and I stab a crust like a pie crust, like a pie crust.
• 22:11
  Eric: I understand if I stab a pie crust, what in the teachings of Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry would happen if I am stabbing a crust with a utensil?
• 22:24
  Matt: I suppose it would flake and crack.
• 22:28
  Eric: Now, Matthew, what happens if I take that selfsame fork and stab Marzipan?
• 22:35
  Matt: It would go straight through it.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: It would go straight through it because only imagining.
• 22:41
  Matt: Okay, but but you're what you're discounting is that the crusts are not the same for a pie and a cheesecake.
• 22:49
  Matt: If you're looking at your general cheesecake, what is the main component of that crust?
• 22:55
  Eric: Well, that'll vary.
• 22:56
  Eric: But usually some kind of graham cracker.
• 22:59
  Matt: Some type of graham cracker is the base cheesecake crust.
• 23:04
  Matt: Last I checked, graham crackers, as one who bakes, last I checked, graham crackers were not part of a fucking apple pie crust.
• 23:16
  Eric: Alright, Matt.
• 23:17
  Eric: Alright, Matt.
• 23:17
  Eric: Matt, alright.
• 23:18
  Eric: So let's talk about crust ingredients.
• 23:21
  Eric: I'm making a fucking crust.
• 23:23
  Eric: I'm making a fucking crust.
• 23:26
  Eric: I got flour.
• 23:28
  Eric: I got egg, I think.
• 23:32
  Eric: Maybe some salt.
• 23:33
  Matt: Some I think you better have some salt.
• 23:36
  Matt: Some water, some liquid.
• 23:38
  Matt: What are you making now?
• 23:39
  Matt: Some water, some liquid.
• 23:40
  Eric: What are you throwing in there?
• 23:42
  Eric: Am I my crust?
• 23:43
  Eric: You gotta get some liquid?
• 23:44
  Eric: Well, you just make your fucking crust out of dry ass flour?
• 23:47
  Matt: No, let me tell you, first of all, let me tell you, the last crust I made.
• 23:50
  Matt: Tell me how you make crust.
• 23:51
  Matt: The last crust I made for a cheesecake was an Oreo-based crust that involved an entire packet of Oreos just for the crust.
• 24:01
  Matt: It was it was actually, if I remember correctly, it was sugar, sugar, Oreos, and butter was the crust that I made for the cheesecake.
• 24:11
  Matt: Now, okay, for the cheesecake.
• 24:13
  Matt: For the for my white chocolate Oreo crust cheesecake.
• 24:16
  Matt: It's fucking delicious, listeners.
• 24:18
  Matt: Let me tell you.
• 24:22
  Matt: I'm gonna tell you this right now, Eric, from me to you.
• 24:25
  Matt: It's a godsend.
• 24:27
  Eric: So now if you were making a pie crust, have you ever just made a straight-up pie crust?
• 24:32
  Matt: Uh I have made a pie crust, but I yes, I've made a pie crust.
• 24:37
  Eric: I'm gonna name crust ingredients.
• 24:39
  Eric: You tell me the second this sounds like something that shouldn't go in crust.
• 24:42
  Eric: Flour, sugar, good to go.
• 24:45
  Eric: Salt, uh, shortening.
• 24:47
  Matt: Okay.
• 24:48
  Eric: Alright.
• 24:49
  Eric: Hey Matt, I just listed off graham cracker ingredients.
• 24:53
  Matt: Okay, okay.
• 24:54
  Eric: Graham cracker crust is just crust made out of crust.
• 24:59
  Matt: Okay.
• 25:01
  Matt: I will admit that you have pres you've you've painted me into a corner.
• 25:07
  Matt: I will admit.
• 25:08
  Matt: I will admit.
• 25:09
  Matt: I don't like it.
• 25:11
  Matt: But I will admit it.
• 25:13
  Eric: Do you want some humble pie?
• 25:14
  Eric: Passes you a cheesecake.
• 25:16
  Matt: No, because that is a cheesecake.
• 25:20
  Eric: What is Kool-Aid to the Kool-Aid man?
• 25:22
  Matt: What is Kool-Aid to the Kool-Aid man?
• 25:24
  Eric: And I and the the implications of either answer here are pretty horrifying.
• 25:29
  Eric: Pretty horrifying.
• 25:30
  Eric: Talk me through it.
• 25:32
  Eric: Uh, okay, so implication one, and I feel like the knee-jerk reaction most people will go with blood.
• 25:38
  Eric: Because it's red, it's filling his body.
• 25:41
  Matt: Here's the thing that's a Kool-Aid man, it's Kool-Aid.
• 25:45
  Eric: He is actively giving his this liquid to children.
• 25:53
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 25:54
  Eric: And here's my other question.
• 25:55
  Eric: Do okay.
• 25:56
  Eric: Do we ever I I know.
• 25:59
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 26:00
  Eric: Let's go down this dark and twisted path.
• 26:03
  Matt: Uh you have let us down.
• 26:06
  Eric: Oh no.
• 26:08
  Eric: Yeah.
• 26:08
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 26:09
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 26:10
  Eric: Okay.
• 26:11
  Eric: Ugh, I hate it the more time.
• 26:12
  Eric: Come on.
• 26:13
  Eric: Uh let's get into it.
• 26:14
  Eric: Say it out loud.
• 26:16
  Eric: Do we ever see the children drinking from the Kool-Aid man directly?
• 26:23
  Eric: Do we ever see him like tipping his fucking noggin and filling a glass?
• 26:27
  Eric: Or does he I feel like he just always has the Kool-Aid prepared?
• 26:32
  Matt: I don't, yeah, I don't ever see we've never seen him sitting down with the mixture.
• 26:38
  Matt: He doesn't burst through the the wall going, oh yeah, and then say, Hold on, kids, let me just mix up this real quick.
• 26:46
  Matt: Rip open the packet, and anyone got a spoon?
• 26:49
  Matt: Don't give it a Yeah, we don't see any of the prep.
• 26:53
  Matt: So he always comes in loaded, you know, ready.
• 26:56
  Matt: He's got those pictures and he's like, or the like uh Capri Sun knockoff juice box situation.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 27:04
  Matt: You know, he's got he's ready to go.
• 27:06
  Matt: He came prepared when he burst through your foyer.
• 27:10
  Eric: So he had it so okay.
• 27:12
  Eric: Oh fuck.
• 27:13
  Eric: The more see, I'm thinking about the sound you're hearing is me like unfolding the various like things that could be at play here.
• 27:20
  Eric: So my initial thing.
• 27:22
  Matt: Right now, uh what I'm seeing, folks, is Eric turn into that meme from Always Sunny with Charlie Day in front of the conspiracy map.
• 27:30
  Eric: Okay, so I'll take you down the first path, my brand.
• 27:33
  Eric: If it's blood, that means this is some sort of he is giving his blood to children to drink in that like some sort of weird vampire situation.
• 27:43
  Eric: But then I was thinking, well, no, it could be part of some dark ritual that keeps the Kool-Aid Man alive, like the like drinking his blood.
• 27:53
  Eric: And then I came around to the conclusion, Kool-Aid Man could be a metaphor for Jesus.
• 28:05
  Eric: For Jesus! Take this and drink of it.
• 28:09
  Eric: For it is my blood.
• 28:11
  Eric: Oh dear.
• 28:12
  Eric: Yeah, I know.
• 28:13
  Eric: I know.
• 28:14
  Matt: The cool you are put you so you propose that not only is it blood, but it is the blood of Christ.
• 28:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 28:21
  Eric: Well okay.
• 28:23
  Eric: It's a metaphor, but made chocolate almonds.
• 28:28
  Matt: I want to say this right now.
• 28:30
  Matt: Get it off your chest.
• 28:30
  Matt: I'm gonna get it off my chest.
• 28:32
  Matt: If you open up a heart box and w where the in most size of the heart boxes, you have precious few squares.
• 28:39
  Matt: And one of them is taken up by a cl a grouping of like four nuts.
• 28:46
  Matt: It's an insulting amount, too.
• 28:48
  Matt: It's an insulting amount of loose nuts kicking around in one of my fucking squares that should have a molasses two in it.
• 28:58
  Eric: And like, I I feel like the intention was, oh, it's like a cup of chocolate nuts you could just like pick at, but they give you so few that you can't take just one without looking like an asshole.
• 29:10
  Matt: Also, it's supposed to be a box of chocolates.
• 29:13
  Matt: These aren't chocolates, these are chocolate-covered nuts.
• 29:17
  Matt: I love chocolate-covered nuts.
• 29:18
  Matt: Same, but in the context of a box of chocolates.
• 29:21
  Eric: It's an insulting amount.
• 29:22
  Matt: It's an insulting amount, and it shouldn't be there.
• 29:24
  Matt: It always makes me want more.
• 29:27
  Matt: No.
• 29:28
  Matt: Yeah, no.
• 29:29
  Matt: I give it in the context of a box of chocolates, I give them a three at best.
• 29:36
  Eric: Matt, you're hush, your your judgment is harsh, but I respect it.
• 29:40
  Eric: And I will I will sign off on that three.
• 29:42
  Eric: All right.
• 29:43
  Matt: It's got two votes for a three.
• 29:46
  Matt: And you know what?
• 29:47
  Matt: Outside of the I want to be clear, I love a chocolate-covered nut.
• 29:50
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 29:51
  Matt: I love a chocolate-covered nut.
• 29:52
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 29:53
  Matt: But when I open up the box and I see that, you can only have the reaction of what a waste.
• 30:00
  Matt: What a what a fucking waste of space and what a waste of my time.
• 30:07
  Matt: What a potential you had.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: Squandered.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: Squandered on chocolate-covered nuts.
• 30:13
  Eric: I don't know, Matt.
• 30:14
  Eric: This is gonna fuck you up a little bit, I think.
• 30:16
  Eric: I do have a giant ass bag of chocolate-covered nuts upstairs, but they're chocolate-covered coconut almonds.
• 30:23
  Eric: Oh god, what?
• 30:24
  Eric: They're so good.
• 30:27
  Matt: But I bring up the order of the gifts thing because my gifts are always ordered.
• 30:32
  Matt: And I usually have a list.
• 30:37
  Matt: I you have a list.
• 30:39
  Matt: I have a list.
• 30:40
  Matt: Do you check it twice?
• 30:41
  Matt: I check it throughout the whole morning because the list the list has a list of everybody's gifts, what wrapping they are in, and what order I want them to open.
• 30:56
  Matt: My god.
• 30:58
  Matt: And here's the final thing.
• 31:00
  Matt: There's more.
• 31:01
  Matt: I'm gonna get a gift.
• 31:03
  Matt: Uh but because I Lindsay has been forced to adopt this.
• 31:08
  Matt: The Shea family does not.
• 31:13
  Matt: I I know your reaction to this.
• 31:16
  Matt: Because so many people give me shit about this, but I don't care.
• 31:20
  Matt: I will stand my ground.
• 31:21
  Matt: The Shea family.
• 31:22
  Eric: I'm gonna tell you right now, I I'm not gonna give you shit.
• 31:25
  Eric: I'm you are with an open heart.
• 31:28
  Matt: Okay.
• 31:28
  Matt: The Shea family, then I'm gonna say it in this safe space.
• 31:33
  Matt: The Shea family does not believe in those two from gift stickers.
• 31:42
  Matt: We do not put them on them.
• 31:44
  Matt: They are gaudy.
• 31:46
  Matt: They they disrupt the the rapping job.
• 31:50
  Matt: I I don't I don't support them.
• 31:54
  Matt: And for that reason, instead, hold on.
• 31:57
  Eric: Oh no, there's an instead.
• 32:00
  Matt: Instead.
• 32:03
  Matt: Instead, I I make.
• 32:06
  Matt: Here's a gift.
• 32:07
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 32:07
  Eric: I make.
• 32:08
  Eric: Matt is holding up a gift.
• 32:10
  Eric: Covert marking.
• 32:12
  Eric: Oh my fucking god.
• 32:15
  Eric: So I can remember.
• 32:17
  Eric: Who's giving?
• 32:18
  Eric: You put like hobo trail markers on your presence.
• 32:24
  Eric: It's covert.
• 32:26
  Matt: It's discreet.
• 32:27
  Matt: It's what is wrong with my little L in the truck's windshield?
• 32:33
  Matt: You didn't see it until I pointed it out.
• 32:36
  Eric: Only the Shays of Lancaster, Pennsylvania could look me in the eye and tell me a tag is gaudy?
• 32:47
  Eric: Gaud.
• 32:48
  Eric: Tag is unnecessary, but then put secret runes on their presence that only they can decipher.
• 32:59
  Eric: I'm an L for Lindsay.
• 33:02
  Eric: It's not a it's not the zodiac cipher.
• 33:04
  Eric: I I would buy like these are essentially like illusions of people that are like programmed to behave like people.
• 33:13
  Matt: They are about shadows on the wall of Galileo's Plato's cave.
• 33:18
  Matt: It's people, it's neither of those people.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, that works.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_01: That works.
• 33:23
  Matt: Oh cut that all thing.
• 33:24
  Eric: No, I'm oh I'm keeping that.
• 33:25
  Matt: No, cut it.
• 33:26
  Matt: I demand that you cut it.
• 33:27
  Matt: If you don't cut it, I'll cut it.
• 33:29
  Eric: With the sh with the shadows on Schrödinger's on his on his hatchback.
• 33:38
  Matt: I don't know.
• 33:39
  Matt: Don't make it better.
• 33:40
  Eric: Don't tell me Schrodinger's hatchback is not a kick-ass name.
• 33:48
  Eric: Is it a sedan or an SUV?
• 33:51
  Eric: It's both.
• 33:54
  Eric: So he can't bring people back from the dead.
• 34:01
  Eric: It is Play-Doh.
• 34:02
  Eric: Yeah, you did so good.
• 34:03
  Eric: See if we did it right this time.
• 34:05
  Eric: This is an emotional roller coaster, Matt.
• 34:08
  Eric: God damn.
• 34:10
  Eric: I was like, I'm pretty sure I got that right.
• 34:12
  Eric: Oh man.
• 34:12
  Eric: Now I have to keep it in.
• 34:14
  Eric: Just so I can show everyone how smart you are.
• 34:16
  Eric: Brag about my co-host.
• 34:18
  Matt: I don't know that that's what this show is.
• 34:20
  Eric: I feel like we covered the entire spectrum of music.
• 34:25
  Matt: And and attitudes for a meeting.
• 34:27
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: And we have, I think, realistic expectations for what to expect during the meeting.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: Having like double doors, having the band there.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think these this all feels realistic for our companies to be providing.
• 34:40
  Eric: I agree.
• 34:41
  Eric: If I may add a just a very brief follow-up question.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: You may not.
• 34:47
  Matt: Oh.
• 34:48
  Matt: Thank you.
• 34:48
  Matt: You know, we need someone to assist.
• 34:50
  Matt: We need someone to put us in.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: You may not, actually.
• 34:52
  Matt: Oh.
• 34:53
  Eric: Yes, you can, Eric.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 34:56
  Eric: Thank you.
• 34:56
  Eric: Thank you.
• 34:56
  Eric: Wow, needed a man's permission.
• 34:58
  Matt: Um now we get to, I think, another another uh the another member of the heart of this batting order, the dark chocolate molasses chew.
• 35:12
  Matt: The chewing tobacco of chocolate.
• 35:14
  Matt: God, yes, it's it is thick.
• 35:17
  Eric: It is a it is a bit of a chore.
• 35:19
  Eric: It is a true.
• 35:20
  Eric: Thank you.
• 35:20
  Eric: It is a chore to eat this thing.
• 35:22
  Eric: God damn, it's delicious.
• 35:25
  Eric: It tastes so good.
• 35:26
  Eric: I can't get enough of a molasses.
• 35:28
  Eric: I feel like, Matt, when I eat it, I feel like I'm having my leg sawn off in a tent during the Civil War.
• 35:35
  Eric: They just gave me something to bite down on so I don't fucking crack my teeth or bite my tongue off.
• 35:40
  Matt: What are you talking about?
• 35:42
  Eric: Like, it tastes so good.
• 35:43
  Matt: Matt, they're like, yeah, but why are you associating it with pain?
• 35:47
  Matt: Because it after I eat one, my jaw fucking hurts.
• 35:52
  Matt: No, it doesn't.
• 35:53
  Matt: You're being dramatic.
• 35:55
  Matt: It does, it is a little bit of a workout.
• 35:57
  Matt: You just get a little jaw, you get a little warm-up in there before you before you have the molasses.
• 36:01
  Eric: The fact that I have to warm up.
• 36:03
  Eric: Yeah, but that's because you clip.
• 36:06
  Eric: That is because you have to rise to the level of the molasses too.
• 36:10
  Eric: Matt, I want you to imagine.
• 36:11
  Eric: I want you to rise to the level of the molasses too.
• 36:15
  Eric: Matt, I want you to imagine we are lovers.
• 36:17
  Eric: And I have to imagine it.
• 36:21
  Eric: I can look back at the last 10, 10, 12 years.
• 36:24
  Eric: Yep.
• 36:27
  Eric: You can cut the sexual tension with a knife.
• 36:31
  Eric: Um you could, but you know what you can't cut with a knife?
• 36:34
  Eric: This fucking molastes chill.
• 36:37
  Eric: I want you to imagine, Matt, we're lovers.
• 36:39
  Matt: If you cut it with a knife, it's just gotta be a shot.
• 36:41
  Eric: Yeah.
• 36:42
  Eric: But you know what you gotta do.
• 36:43
  Eric: If yeah, I you try to take a butter knife to this thing.
• 36:47
  Eric: You're doing that thing where you have to brace your the back of your fucking hand, your palm on the knife, and like two-handed.
• 36:54
  Eric: It's a two-hand job.
• 36:55
  Eric: There's there's no sharing the molastes chew, Matt.
• 36:58
  Eric: There's no, oh, let me just take a look at cut it in half.
• 37:02
  Eric: No.
• 37:03
  Eric: There's no biting it in half.
• 37:06
  Eric: There's no going halves on a molasses chew.
• 37:09
  Eric: You have to commit fully to the molasses chew.
• 37:11
  Eric: There's no let me just commit to the chew.
• 37:14
  Eric: If you try to bite that in half, it's like you're a fucking prospector biting a gold, going, ah, ah.
• 37:21
  Matt: Yeah, well, you kind of are if you want to get because if you if you are doing if you're the type of person, which is to say an anarchist, who would who does put back a half-eaten?
• 37:33
  Eric: Oh, fuck that.
• 37:35
  Matt: If if you are one of those crazy psychopaths, yeah, and you start to bite in to a molasses shoe, you will know that it is a molasses shoe before you make a noticeable impression in that.
• 37:52
  Matt: The second your teeth make contact.
• 37:54
  Matt: Oh.
• 37:54
  Matt: If if you get the resistance level that a molasses shoe provides, you will be able to put that back undetected.
• 38:05
  Matt: I'm not, again, I'm not advocating for this hellacious behavior.
• 38:10
  Eric: But it is possible.
• 38:11
  Eric: If I see a cracked molasses chew, I know someone tried to bite into it.
• 38:14
  Eric: That's like the potato button.
• 38:16
  Eric: I'm a potato button! Why is what kind of potato?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: Are you saying every single potato is the same size?
• 38:22
  Eric: Like what are you even doing?
• 38:23
  Eric: Yeah, I got I got Euchins.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: There's diversity.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's diversity in potatoes.
• 38:28
  Matt: Also, just grow up and put those in the oven.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: Put them in the oven!
• 38:33
  Matt: Like treat treat the potato, the king of all vegetables, with some fucking respect.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: Where's the respect?
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: Where's the respect?
• 38:42
  Eric: I'm not gonna break my fast on that carb if it's been run through a fucking blackened decker.
• 38:47
  Eric: I'm sorry.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: No way.
• 38:49
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no.
• 38:50
  Matt: I mean, put some foil on that bad boy and get it in the oven.
• 38:55
  Eric: And for the love of God, that's see, that's I feel like I wonder how many people the potato button has gotten killed.
• 39:01
  Eric: Like how many poor, ignorant saps have wrapped up.
• 39:04
  Eric: They're like, oh yeah, wrap that in foil, bam, potato button.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, concerned, concerned.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, because they just I've used the potato button as like a pre-oven um situation.
• 39:19
  Matt: Oh, sure.
• 39:19
  Matt: A warm-up.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: It like really doesn't do a lot.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I also feel like how many people are just feel like slated by the potato button because it doesn't really work as well as you want it to.
• 39:28
  Eric: Yeah.
• 39:29
  Eric: And sanity check, have either of you ever gotten the thaw like function to work on a microwave?
• 39:36
  Eric: Like the defrost for me.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a PhD, so no.
• 39:39
  Eric: Like every time I go to hit defrost and it starts asking me for inputs, and I don't know what it's asking for.
• 39:45
  Eric: We'll work from the assumption that Hooters has bread.
• 39:47
  Eric: And with that assumption in mind, I have to assume it fucking sucks.
• 39:50
  Eric: Because I not only it's not like a oh yeah, I've never had their bread, it's like I wasn't even aware it existed.
• 39:56
  Matt: I really don't think it exists, and I I I do feel bad about giving it a zero without knowing for sure if it exists, right?
• 40:04
  Eric: It it's in this sort of like anti-existence.
• 40:09
  Matt: So I think maybe, Eric, what we need to do is we need to phone a friend.
• 40:13
  Matt: Oh.
• 40:15
  Eric: What are you doing, have you?
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_07: Complete a new carryout order, press one.
• 40:32
  Matt: This isn't any other inquiry, is it Matt?
• 40:35
  Eric: This is other inquiries, Matt.
• 40:41
  Matt: You be quiet, I'll do the job.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_01: Don't fuck this up.
• 40:53
  Matt: Hi, yes.
• 40:54
  Matt: Um, I uh I have not been to your establishment before, and I was just curious, do you when we're seated, do we get any sort of like complimentary bread by any chance?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_07: No, uh, you guys don't.
• 41:07
  Matt: Ah, damn.
• 41:08
  Matt: I you know, I didn't think so, but thank you so much.
• 41:11
  unknown: No problem.
• 41:12
  Matt: Alright, bye-bye.
• 41:14
  Matt: No, you don't get it.
• 41:16
  Matt: I called Hooters.
• 41:17
  Matt: False witness! False witness! It gets a negative tank.
• 41:23
  Eric: Yeah, it gets it is our only zero.
• 41:25
  Eric: It is zero.
• 41:26
  Eric: It is non-existent bread.
• 41:28
  Eric: This is zero.
• 41:30
  Matt: Fucking shitty ass.
• 41:32
  Matt: What I am having the mind-opening experience of is that the hokey pokey is a set of instructions that you have to follow, that you don't wish to follow, that you feel like a fucking idiot while following.
• 41:45
  Matt: We're talking about life here, baby.
• 41:48
  Matt: Oh man.
• 41:49
  Matt: We're talking about responsibilities.
• 41:51
  Matt: You have a responsibility to the circle to be on time with your movement.
• 41:55
  Matt: You put that right hand in, you put your left hand out, you shake them all about.
• 41:59
  Matt: Why are we doing these things?
• 42:01
  Matt: No one knows.
• 42:02
  Matt: And eventually, but then when you turn yourself around, you set it, you're doing this nondescript.
• 42:09
  Matt: What do I do to fill the time here?
• 42:13
  Matt: How do I fill this void, empty space between instructions?
• 42:19
  Matt: That is what love is all about.
• 42:23
  Eric: Fuck, dude! Yeah, no, okay, okay.
• 42:27
  Eric: So you know what?
• 42:28
  Eric: Uh uh a couple things I was taking from this.
• 42:30
  Eric: One, take me there.
• 42:32
  Eric: You're brilliant.
• 42:33
  Eric: I would even extend your metaphor and say, because eventually the end game of the hokey pokey is you're no longer giving just an arm or a leg.
• 42:41
  Eric: You're putting your whole self in.
• 42:42
  Eric: Putting your whole self into it.
• 42:44
  Eric: Fuck.
• 42:45
  Eric: Into the circle.
• 42:46
  Eric: But two, from now on, when I'm turning it about, I'm gonna go buck fucking wild on this dance floor.
• 42:54
  Eric: Don't waste it.
• 42:55
  Eric: I'm gonna go I'm gonna go so fucking nuts.
• 42:57
  Eric: I'm like, this is my allotted time.
• 42:59
  Eric: This is me.
• 43:00
  Eric: This is me time.
• 43:01
  Matt: You only have one chance to hook evoke, baby.
• 43:05
  Eric: If you had one, if you had one shot, one opportunity.
• 43:09
  Eric: Would you take it?
• 43:10
  Eric: Or would you turn yourself about?
• 43:11
  Eric: Who would you want to be?
• 43:13
  Eric: I mean, I wanna say genie.
• 43:15
  Eric: Oh, well, yeah, everyone wants to be a genie.
• 43:17
  Eric: Um I I feel like I feel like I'm like fucking I'm resigned to one of the guards.
• 43:24
  Matt: I do feel like I would be easily cast as one of the guards, but or uh you know who you could be?
• 43:32
  Matt: Who?
• 43:32
  Matt: It it doesn't match body type.
• 43:35
  Matt: I if you're about to say the fucking sultan.
• 43:38
  Matt: The sultan.
• 43:39
  Eric: I fucking knew you were gonna say the sultan!
• 43:41
  Matt: You would be so funny as the sultan.
• 43:46
  Eric: That's what I'm saying.
• 43:51
  Eric: The second the word said it wouldn't match, but I was like, this motherfucker says sultan, because I was thinking sultan for myself.
• 43:59
  Matt: Because the sultan has the has the shape of a gum drop.
• 44:05
  Matt: So I had to point out he is.
• 44:08
  Matt: He's like a child with facial hairs.
• 44:11
  Matt: Yeah, he's like a walking puddle that's been put up on a hanger.
• 44:15
  Eric: He's like a bag of milk.
• 44:17
  Eric: He's like a bag of milk that someone put a fake beard on.
• 44:23
  Matt: He's like a bag of milk.
• 44:25
  Matt: Oh God, that is fine.
• 44:28
  Matt: If you don't like the show, kindly fuck the write-off.
• 44:32
  Matt: Just a write-off.
• 44:34
  Matt: What kind of insult was that?
• 44:35
  Eric: No, that that's that's some Glenn Bernie fuck the write-off right there.
• 44:38
  Eric: Fuck the write-off.
• 44:39
  Eric: I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna.
• 44:41
  Eric: You're keeping that.
• 44:42
  Matt: There's no even point on a second take.
• 44:44
  Eric: No, no.
• 44:44
  Eric: I love fuck the right off.
• 44:45
  Eric: You already decided.
• 44:47
  Eric: Fuck the right-off.
• 44:48
  Matt: Fuck the right-off.
• 44:50
  Eric: Second of my only favorite.
• 44:51
  Eric: My I don't I don't know if I've ever told you my other favorite.
• 44:54
  Eric: My friend, my friend Kelsey, who who is brilliant, her mom was once so angry at another driver that she screamed from the car while all the windows were up, so this human couldn't even hear them.
• 45:08
  Eric: She just screamed, you can go fuck! It's my favorite.
• 45:14
  Matt: You can go fuck.
• 45:16
  Matt: Yeah, we got that all across this.
• 45:22
  Matt: Listen to me.
• 45:23
  Matt: You can go fuck.
• 45:24
  Eric: You can go fuck the right off.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_07: Fuck the right off.