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Monday Mini: New Year's Blues · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stefan
0:07
Speaker 1: Never Told You production of iHeartRadio. And this is our
0:20
Speaker 1: first full ish episode recording of twenty twenty four. It's
0:24
Speaker 1: a Monday mini but previously we've just done classics. So yes, yes, yes,
0:29
Speaker 1: And it's a bit of a I don't know how
0:32
Speaker 1: to say downer, but I guess kind of a complainery
0:36
Speaker 1: Happy New Year, that's actually what we're kind of talking about. Okay, Yes,
0:41
Speaker 1: So it does have a content warning. It's we're not
0:44
Speaker 1: going to go into any of these two and death,
0:46
Speaker 1: but just so you're aware, we are going to be
0:47
Speaker 1: talking about depression, a little bit about disordered eating, a
0:51
Speaker 1: very minor mention of domestic violence. You can see our
0:55
Speaker 1: past episodes we've done on sexist New Year's traditions and
0:59
Speaker 1: on solutions. There's a bunch of stuff related to that
1:01
Speaker 1: we've done as well. But I was thinking about this.
1:07
Speaker 1: I have a bit of the New Year's blues, which
1:13
Speaker 1: turns out is a thing, and I was wondering if
1:17
Speaker 1: there was anything I could look into on that and
1:19
Speaker 1: like why would this be the case? And I found
1:22
Speaker 1: a couple of things I wanted to touch on about
1:24
Speaker 1: New Year's even then about New Year's and then just
1:27
Speaker 1: like a new year in general, and how it relates
1:29
Speaker 1: to kind of this this blues if you experience it
1:32
Speaker 1: and women and so I will say that if you
1:36
Speaker 1: celebrate and enjoy New Year's safely and without causing harms
1:42
Speaker 1: to o, there's more power to you. I've had like
1:45
Speaker 1: many great New Year celebrations with friends in the past.
1:48
Speaker 1: I've gone to the big events, I've gone to the
1:50
Speaker 1: smaller events. I've done the whole thing. But I've found
1:53
Speaker 1: that I usually end the night really upset, like crying.
1:59
Speaker 1: So I am sick, upset. And there are a couple
2:02
Speaker 1: of reasons why this is that I found and we'll
2:04
Speaker 1: talk about them. And I know that this feels kind
2:07
Speaker 1: of late, like I should have done this episode sooner maybe,
2:11
Speaker 1: but I'm still kind of working through it. I have
2:15
Speaker 1: found that I'm having kind of panic attacks, and I
2:19
Speaker 1: had them last year, but I thought it was last
2:22
Speaker 1: of us related. Remember that, Remember I was getting I
2:26
Speaker 1: was feeling sick, and I thought it was because I
2:28
Speaker 1: was getting so excited and then I was like the
2:31
Speaker 1: you know, adrenaline rush, and then coming down from that
2:34
Speaker 1: and eating more food than I normally did, and the
2:36
Speaker 1: hanging out with more people than I normally did, and
2:37
Speaker 1: the drinking more than I normally did. So I thought
2:39
Speaker 1: it was that, but no, it's happening again and I'm
2:43
Speaker 1: not doing any of that. So that's I started thinking
2:47
Speaker 1: about it. I was like, what could it be?
2:48
Speaker 2: Then?
2:49
Speaker 1: And I did as we discussed, me and Samantha discussed.
2:54
Speaker 1: I did spend New Year's alone by choice, and I
2:57
Speaker 1: was thinking more and more about it. I was thinking
2:59
Speaker 1: more about why don't I like it? Or I don't
3:02
Speaker 1: like how it's normally celebrated in the US anyway, or
3:05
Speaker 1: how I've celebrated it in the past anyway. I'll say that,
3:09
Speaker 1: And nowadays I kind of do whatever I want on
3:11
Speaker 1: New Year's Like I watch my favorite movies and I
3:13
Speaker 1: play my favorite games, I listen to my favorite music,
3:15
Speaker 1: I eat some of my favorite foods, I read and
3:17
Speaker 1: write fan fiction and it's the best thing. Like it's
3:20
Speaker 1: like the one time, the one holiday I have where
3:23
Speaker 1: it's like I'm doing what I want and I love it.
3:28
Speaker 1: So it has become something I enjoy. But I still
3:31
Speaker 1: was experiencing this kind of panic afterwards, so I wanted
3:36
Speaker 1: to talk about some of the reasons that might be,
3:39
Speaker 1: and we'll start to light but get heavier. Okay, So
3:43
Speaker 1: one thing is it's kind of anti climactic. We sort
3:47
Speaker 1: of build it into this whole thing like this New
3:50
Speaker 1: Year's coming. Certainly things will change, like something's gonna happen,
3:56
Speaker 1: I'm gonna feel something, and then it kind of doesn't,
4:00
Speaker 1: just like, Okay, I'll go to bed now. And then
4:04
Speaker 1: I've had a lot of great articles about people with kids,
4:08
Speaker 1: and I had experienced this being a kid with my parents.
4:12
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's true, like you're trying to tell your kids,
4:14
Speaker 1: you know, no, we need to go to bed at
4:15
Speaker 1: t a pm or whatever. The kids are getting angry
4:18
Speaker 1: they can't stay up till midnight, and then they do
4:20
Speaker 1: and it's sort of like, oh, well, I don't get
4:22
Speaker 1: a gift or anything. What was the point, right exactly?
4:29
Speaker 1: And then as an adult, and I would say especially
4:31
Speaker 1: young adults, there is this unhealthy focus on getting really
4:34
Speaker 1: really wasted. This is a personal theory of mine. I
4:38
Speaker 1: actually think that if you're somebody who enjoys drinking and
4:42
Speaker 1: you know dry January is coming up, or any dietary goal,
4:47
Speaker 1: I think that makes you want to indulge more than
4:51
Speaker 1: you normally would on that night. Yeah, because you're thinking like, oh, well,
4:55
Speaker 1: this is it, this is my last hurrah.
4:59
Speaker 2: Tomorrow I'll get it to other.
5:00
Speaker 1: Which is not a recipe for a fun, healthy, happy night.
5:04
Speaker 1: It just isn't. And especially if you are somebody who's
5:08
Speaker 1: struggling with any kind of addiction or sobriety, that is
5:10
Speaker 1: not a good atmosphere to be in. And then of
5:14
Speaker 1: course there's like too much pressure to have fun, to
5:18
Speaker 1: make it really meaningful. When midnight hits, you're supposed to
5:21
Speaker 1: kiss somebody, you're supposed to feel something. Everything's going to change.
5:26
Speaker 1: And I feel like this is part of the blues.
5:29
Speaker 1: Part is that then what you're doing is you're thinking
5:31
Speaker 1: about all of the things that you see as wrong
5:34
Speaker 1: in you and your life and how you want to
5:38
Speaker 1: change them. And for me personally, that can feel very insurmountable.
5:44
Speaker 1: And then that makes me feel like well why even try,
5:46
Speaker 1: And then I'll start panicking and it's just like a negative.
5:50
Speaker 1: It puts me in a really bad space, and so
5:53
Speaker 1: that brings us too. Yes, there have been studies about
5:56
Speaker 1: New Year's and depression. Here's a quote from a Washington
6:00
Speaker 1: article about a nineteen ninety nine study about how in
6:03
Speaker 1: trying too hard to be happy, you almost undermine the
6:06
Speaker 1: happiness of having a good time. So here's a quote
6:09
Speaker 1: from it. The study found that in overwhelming eighty three
6:11
Speaker 1: percent of those they surveyed ended up being disappointed with
6:14
Speaker 1: their New Year's Eve celebration, and the people who are
6:17
Speaker 1: the most let down or those with the highest expectations,
6:20
Speaker 1: which makes sense. The article also had this quote In
6:24
Speaker 1: the study published in twenty eleven, Iris Mouse of UC
6:27
Speaker 1: Berkeley found that women who valued happiness more reported lower
6:31
Speaker 1: happiness when under conditions of lower life stress. So basically,
6:35
Speaker 1: if it's less stressful, you're less happy somehow. From a
6:40
Speaker 1: different Washington Post article out of twenty twenty specifically about women,
6:44
Speaker 1: American women are more likely to report stress around the
6:46
Speaker 1: holidays than men, According to one two thousand and six
6:49
Speaker 1: study for New Year's Eve, that stress often lies and
6:52
Speaker 1: having unrealistic expectations of the glitz and glamour of ringing
6:55
Speaker 1: in the New year. Over the years, female patients describe
6:58
Speaker 1: something to me that sounds a can to the wedding fantasy,
7:01
Speaker 1: says Jack Worthy, a New York City based therapist. You
7:04
Speaker 1: grew up watching rom com said on New Year's Eve,
7:06
Speaker 1: you whisper to your girlfriends about who you might kiss
7:09
Speaker 1: at midnight. It's another bill of good soul to women
7:11
Speaker 1: but not to men, which I thought was interesting and
7:14
Speaker 1: one of my earliest college New Year's memory. I remember
7:18
Speaker 1: this of like that pressure, like are you going to
7:22
Speaker 1: kiss that neck? You've got to go find someone, like
7:24
Speaker 1: go scope someone out, and I'm like why why Ah?
7:30
Speaker 1: But the study authors did stress this didn't mean no
7:33
Speaker 1: one in their study had a good time at a
7:35
Speaker 1: big celebration, just that it was like good to not
7:39
Speaker 1: put too much pressure on it, like, don't have these
7:41
Speaker 1: big expectations of it, because that just makes sense that
7:44
Speaker 1: you'll probably be let down, especially a lot of these
7:47
Speaker 1: New Year's celebrations, which we're going to talk about our
7:51
Speaker 1: crowded and expensive and it's just yeah. And one of
7:55
Speaker 1: the things there is I love champagne and I'd rather
7:59
Speaker 1: be old and hot. But New Year's like this whole
8:03
Speaker 1: New Year's thing of like I got to be sexy.
8:04
Speaker 1: You gotta get like your sequins on, which are usually
8:07
Speaker 1: pretty uncomfortable, drinking champagne, being out in the cold, staying
8:11
Speaker 1: up away past midnight. It's like either at some point
8:14
Speaker 1: you're gonna be really exhausted and you're just thinking about
8:17
Speaker 1: when it will be over, or you're uncomfortable and you
8:21
Speaker 1: can't wait until it's over. Yeah, there's never enough food,
8:25
Speaker 1: but there's all you can want to drink, even though
8:28
Speaker 1: it's probably expensive. And this again is not a great recipe.
8:34
Speaker 1: And now, one time I was at a rooftop party
8:36
Speaker 1: here and it was very cold and there was not
8:39
Speaker 1: near enough food. So every time the waiters would come
8:41
Speaker 1: out with like or derves, like finger food, we would
8:44
Speaker 1: all swarm on them and they'd be gone before they
8:47
Speaker 1: even like got fully out the door. That's how hungry
8:50
Speaker 1: we were.
8:50
Speaker 2: I feel like that was what happened at the Christmas party.
8:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true, our office Christmas party where you have
8:59
Speaker 1: the episode so you can listen to. I was looking
9:02
Speaker 1: through our old episodes to day, and I think it
9:03
Speaker 1: was called You're Sopathetic. Yeah, well yeah, it was a
9:08
Speaker 1: song in my head, but yes, well yeah, where we
9:12
Speaker 1: came home and kind of experienced this whole thing I'm
9:14
Speaker 1: talking about. But that does I mean, it doesn't help
9:16
Speaker 1: if you're hungry. Nothing is gonna get better if you're hungry.
9:20
Speaker 2: Right, not getting food and then orders for like a
9:25
Speaker 2: four hour event. During dinner time, You're like, excuse me.
9:31
Speaker 1: Right, come on, now, come on now. Awesome. Fireworks can
9:36
Speaker 1: be pretty upsetting, like PTSD if you have PTSD or
9:39
Speaker 1: something like that. You and I were texting that night,
9:41
Speaker 1: and I was like jumping so hard every time fireworks
9:46
Speaker 1: went off. I feel like, if I can see them,
9:47
Speaker 1: it's better, but I couldn't see them just right here.
10:01
Speaker 2: We talked about you coming over for us to do
10:05
Speaker 2: New Year's together and doing it the three of us
10:08
Speaker 2: and simply just hanging and I was honestly like we
10:11
Speaker 2: canceled the last minute because I was like, uh, we're tired,
10:14
Speaker 2: We're just getting back from Florida and I'm having We're
10:17
Speaker 2: having to see cousins or whatever. But that night, at
10:20
Speaker 2: round nine, maybe eight pm, the amount of gunshots not fireworks,
10:27
Speaker 2: Like we literally had a game throughout the night of
10:30
Speaker 2: calling it gunshots or fireworks. And I'm not talking about
10:33
Speaker 2: one or two shots here and there. It sounded like
10:37
Speaker 2: automatic weapons going off for a good three minute span,
10:41
Speaker 2: and then not only was it happening, but it sounded
10:44
Speaker 2: like someone was talking back with their own weapon on
10:47
Speaker 2: the other side. Of the neighborhood. So it was just
10:49
Speaker 2: like a back and forth of just weapons going off,
10:52
Speaker 2: and we were just like, holy, I don't like we
10:56
Speaker 2: live in Atlanta. We live in the US, so yes,
11:00
Speaker 2: guns are freely available, unfortunately, and many people have it.
11:04
Speaker 2: And I hate this. I hate the situation entirely, and
11:07
Speaker 2: I hate guns in general, like I've always hated guns.
11:10
Speaker 2: But when I lived in one side of Atlanta, it
11:13
Speaker 2: was we had gunshots and we all hated it. We
11:16
Speaker 2: all had nightmares about it and reminding me, please don't, please,
11:19
Speaker 2: don't do this. And we've also had areas where people
11:23
Speaker 2: just like there was gun violence. It's rampant. So I
11:28
Speaker 2: hate to be apathetic, but you get used to it, unfortunately,
11:32
Speaker 2: and there's not much you can do when you have
11:34
Speaker 2: the laws as we do. And then you know, you've
11:36
Speaker 2: got governors who are like, yeah, they don't need carry purmits,
11:39
Speaker 2: come on and so or conceal permits either, and so
11:43
Speaker 2: you're like, what's going on? And then and in that
11:46
Speaker 2: one area in my old neighborhood, it was bad, but
11:48
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, okay, get over it. And then
11:51
Speaker 2: we would laugh at the next door neighbor app where
11:53
Speaker 2: they would be like, oh, what's so many gunshots? Like
11:55
Speaker 2: there's a gunshot and calm down, Yes you're in Atlanta.
11:59
Speaker 2: But then coming on this side, the other side the neighborhood,
12:01
Speaker 2: and I swear it wasn't this bad last year because
12:03
Speaker 2: we were here last year. This year it was constant.
12:07
Speaker 2: I have never heard so much gunshots. And I've lived
12:10
Speaker 2: in Atlanta for twenty years in my life, and it
12:14
Speaker 2: was frightening to the point that I would not let
12:16
Speaker 2: my dog go out at any point during the like
12:19
Speaker 2: if there was a span where it was quiet for
12:22
Speaker 2: like a good ten minutes, then maybe because you know,
12:26
Speaker 2: she has to go potty. But like, it was so
12:29
Speaker 2: bad that I was having like issues and yelling at
12:33
Speaker 2: my partner because he would go out and I'm like,
12:35
Speaker 2: what the fuck are you doing? Get back inside and
12:38
Speaker 2: he's like, you know it's I'm like, I don't give ah.
12:40
Speaker 2: There's too many stories of accidents happening where flyway bullets
12:44
Speaker 2: go into houses. I was loaded the ground. I'm not
12:47
Speaker 2: gonna lie like I purposely stayed load to the ground
12:49
Speaker 2: because I'm like, what if? What if? Because it was
12:52
Speaker 2: so bad, it sounded there was more gunshots than any
12:57
Speaker 2: fireworks that will happen. That night, it was overwhelming, and
13:01
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm really glad you're not here. I
13:03
Speaker 2: don't think you would have been okay.
13:06
Speaker 1: I wasn't okay. Yeah. Yeah, And again, like alcohol doesn't
13:15
Speaker 1: help when it comes to that kind of thing. Our fireworks,
13:18
Speaker 1: like the accidents are more likely to happen if alcohol
13:21
Speaker 1: is involved.
13:22
Speaker 2: I didn't see any reported, hopefully not, but like that
13:26
Speaker 2: doesn't mean it didn't happen.
13:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, moving on from that. New Year's is also
13:35
Speaker 1: a part of the reason you may feel if you're
13:37
Speaker 1: like me and you're kind of like, uh, it comes
13:40
Speaker 1: off to other major holidays to kind of like cold,
13:44
Speaker 1: dreary months that don't have much going on. Interestingly, I
13:49
Speaker 1: read an article that went like, basically, you're going from
13:52
Speaker 1: hanging out with everybody to hang out with no But interestingly,
13:55
Speaker 1: I have gotten a lot of requests to hang out
13:57
Speaker 1: in this month, So I wonder if people are already
13:59
Speaker 1: trying to be like, I'm not going back. Like I said,
14:04
Speaker 1: it's extensive as drinks, ticket, transportation. And I did find
14:08
Speaker 1: an article that I'm just gonna mention I'm not going
14:11
Speaker 1: to go into it, but it was about how there
14:13
Speaker 1: have been links to end of year budgetary woes and
14:16
Speaker 1: domestic violence. A Medium article called it the deadliest time
14:19
Speaker 1: of the year for domestic violence. Another thing that can
14:24
Speaker 1: really stress you out are the super curated social media
14:28
Speaker 1: posts like year end reviews. Several things I read recommended
14:32
Speaker 1: limiting your social media use around the new year, and
14:36
Speaker 1: not just New Year's Eve, but also the New year,
14:38
Speaker 1: when you might see a bunch of stuff about dietary
14:42
Speaker 1: things or weight loss or whatever it is. I actually
14:45
Speaker 1: do think too, this is a problem. I don't have
14:49
Speaker 1: problems the right word, but it's something to be mindful
14:51
Speaker 1: of around any major events, like where's your perfect Instagram
14:54
Speaker 1: post or your perfect whatever social media post? Which can
14:57
Speaker 1: you know? It can take out of the moment. It
15:00
Speaker 1: can be really fun, it's cool to look back later,
15:02
Speaker 1: but it is something that a lot of things I read,
15:05
Speaker 1: especially about New Year's was it's more like you're for
15:08
Speaker 1: a lot of people. It's more like you're proving how
15:10
Speaker 1: much fun you had than actually having the fun. Here's
15:14
Speaker 1: a quote from web MD. If you find yourself assessing
15:18
Speaker 1: and reassessing the year, becoming more and more depressed, you
15:21
Speaker 1: may be a ruminator. Women are more likely than men
15:24
Speaker 1: to have this habit. Nolan hooked them, as says, and
15:28
Speaker 1: Nolan hooks him as the author of women who's saying
15:30
Speaker 1: too much? But it was interesting. It was about kind
15:33
Speaker 1: of the real negative culmination of assessing your year that
15:37
Speaker 1: can happen in how women are usually more hard on
15:41
Speaker 1: themselves and hard about their year than men are. And
15:44
Speaker 1: then this brings us to resolutions for women in the
15:46
Speaker 1: New Year. I've already been talking about this. To be clear,
15:49
Speaker 1: I do think it's good to have this time to
15:52
Speaker 1: reflect and be introspective. I think realistic, healthy goals are
15:55
Speaker 1: good and you can start them at any time. It's
15:57
Speaker 1: the thing I do not think a lot of the
16:02
Speaker 1: commercialized culture around New Year's resolutions for women is healthy personally.
16:09
Speaker 1: I have gotten absolutely bombarded with marketing emails about diet,
16:13
Speaker 1: weight exercise, about sleep and self care, mental health, all
16:20
Speaker 1: kinds of things. Like every I got a headline today,
16:21
Speaker 1: I almost put it in here, so it's like, oh
16:23
Speaker 1: my gosh, just your subject line is making me feel
16:26
Speaker 1: bad about myself, Like I don't need this again. Like
16:30
Speaker 1: a resolution coming from a healthy place and pursued from
16:34
Speaker 1: a healthy place is great. I used to make all
16:36
Speaker 1: kinds of them, but a lot of them are really small.
16:38
Speaker 1: Like I learned how to do that kind of coin
16:40
Speaker 1: rollly thing with your knuckles. That was great. This whole
16:46
Speaker 1: focus on losing weight is really bad for disordered eating
16:49
Speaker 1: of any kind. It's also yeah, pretty, it's not a
16:54
Speaker 1: great time for people with any kind of addiction that
16:56
Speaker 1: they're struggling with because you just putting so much pressure
17:01
Speaker 1: on yourself to completely change, or this pressure to do
17:05
Speaker 1: all the things. Why weren't you doing all the things before?
17:08
Speaker 1: If you suddenly change everything about yourself and be better,
17:11
Speaker 1: exercise more, drink smoothie, then you're gonna be a better person.
17:14
Speaker 1: Because past you sucks. So this is a new year,
17:20
Speaker 1: new you, maybe an you better get on board. Like
17:23
Speaker 1: I just don't think it's healthy, right, I just don't
17:25
Speaker 1: think it's healthy. And you know, New Year's Eve, like
17:30
Speaker 1: I've been saying, is not just a look at New
17:33
Speaker 1: Year's Eve, It's a look at the whole year. And
17:37
Speaker 1: that can put you in a bad space. Like maybe
17:39
Speaker 1: you had your ups and your downs, but maybe you
17:41
Speaker 1: had some really serious downs. Most years are like that.
17:44
Speaker 1: And I think if you're drinking champagne and you're cold
17:47
Speaker 1: and you're hungry, you start ruminating about your year, and
17:51
Speaker 1: then the next day comes and nothing really feels different.
17:56
Speaker 1: It's just not for me, it doesn't. I just feel sad.
18:00
Speaker 1: I just feel sad, and it is I mean, you know,
18:03
Speaker 1: it's kind of I know we've all heard this argument before,
18:06
Speaker 1: but if you're being too hard on yourself, you're setting
18:08
Speaker 1: yourself up to fail. And I think that you can
18:10
Speaker 1: actually stabtize yourself that way, like, oh, I won't set
18:12
Speaker 1: any resolutions because I can never keep them, whereas maybe
18:15
Speaker 1: you can set one or something that is much more
18:20
Speaker 1: realistic and much healthier and you might actually do it.
18:25
Speaker 1: But if you're just setting these things, I just feel
18:27
Speaker 1: like there's also a sect of people who feel like
18:31
Speaker 1: they can't succeed because they're so used to setting up
18:33
Speaker 1: really difficult resolutions. And this can also be harder if
18:39
Speaker 1: you're someone struggling with something like sad and the weather
18:43
Speaker 1: and the like the darkness is impacting you. But yeah,
18:48
Speaker 1: this whole phenomenon has been studied. Feeling depressed at the
18:53
Speaker 1: new year has been documented, so if you're feeling it,
18:57
Speaker 1: you're not alone. I think it's also kind of like,
19:01
Speaker 1: you know, you got to go back to work and
19:03
Speaker 1: just get back in that mindset. So there are a
19:07
Speaker 1: lot of reasons for it. If you're feeling it, then
19:12
Speaker 1: you're not alone. If you did have a good New
19:14
Speaker 1: Year's New Year's Eve, if you love resolutions, that's great too.
19:19
Speaker 1: Either way, just let us know how the new year
19:23
Speaker 1: has been for you. You can email us at sep Medium,
19:27
Speaker 1: mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us
19:29
Speaker 1: on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and
19:31
Speaker 1: TikTok at Stuff I've Never Told You. We have a
19:33
Speaker 1: tea public store, and we have a book that you
19:35
Speaker 1: can get wherever you get your books. Thanks as always
19:37
Speaker 1: to our super producer Christina, our executive producer Maya, and
19:40
Speaker 1: our contributor Joey. Thank you and thanks to you for
19:42
Speaker 1: listening Stuff I've Never Told You, the production of iHeart Radio.
19:45
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, you can check
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Speaker 1: out the i heeart Radio app Apple Podcasts wherever you
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Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.