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WAVE: Big Book Study with Corey Session Thirteen - How it Works Part 3 · The Daily Ripples Podcast

• 0:03
  Hey guys, this is the Wave Book Study and um, remember on page 64.
• 0:10
  Where we left off was last week at the bottom, middle, middle of the paragraph, the bottom paragraph is, uh, where we list people institutions principles, whom we were anger.
• 0:23
  And that's the 1st column.
• 0:25
  It's pretty simple, like, you know, just writing down the names.
• 0:29
  I do far, like I said, I do far left of the page.
• 0:31
  I skip, 8 to 10 runs, and, um, but I think it's important to do these in a row, and The reason I Did it broke it down in this way is because on the bottom of 63, it says next, we launched on a course of vigorous action.
• 0:50
  If they'll, we're going to do vigorous action, we might as well skill into that right after we do the search set prayer.
• 0:56
  Just to make sense to me.
• 0:59
  So then we go through on our 2nd column. And we answer, we, and on, this is what the book says on the bottom of 64 says, we ask ourselves while we were angry.
• 1:11
  So I'm saying what that person did to me, right?
• 1:14
  And that resentment, and, you know, the difference in a resentment, and just a person being mean, like they're, like, you know, me saying that uh, Jolene was mean to me.
• 1:28
  Well, what did Jolene do, right?
• 1:31
  What was that specific action?
• 1:33
  And so the way I was broken down me the 1st time, it's like, you know, well, my sponsor, Doug, he, uh,
• 1:42
  He said, Cor, if you burn your hand on a stove.
• 1:46
  Oh, can you refill that?
• 1:48
  Afterwards.
• 1:50
  If you don't put your hand on the stove, and I said, no.
• 1:53
  And he was like, well, what if I sleep with your girlfriend?
• 1:56
  Could you refill that over and over?
• 1:59
  And I said, yeah.
• 2:00
  And like, yeah, so that's the idea.
• 2:02
  Refill, resentment.
• 2:04
  So we ask ourselves while we're angry, that pacific reason, that one particular instance.
• 2:11
  So that's 2nd comb. It says in most cases, it was found that are self-esteem.
• 2:18
  So this is one of them, and I have these underline because these are the things that we're going to be listing.
• 2:24
  So self-esteem are pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt or threatened.
• 2:31
  So we were sore.
• 2:33
  We were burned up.
• 2:34
  It says, it says on our grudge list.
• 2:38
  So I think grudge is a better word than resentment, because like resentment line makes me feel like it's like a, complicated word.
• 2:44
  It's a big word and it's like, you know, it's something that huge that happened.
• 2:48
  But if I think about a grudge list, how many people like got on my grudge list, well, it's a lot more than probably people that were on my resentment list.
• 2:57
  We set opposite each name or injuries.
• 3:00
  Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal relationships, our sex relationships, which had been interfered with.
• 3:09
  And, In my book, I have these little things, because it's, it's cool to have these little definitions for me to understand what we're doing.
• 3:20
  So self-esteem.
• 3:22
  is how I see me.
• 3:24
  Ambitions is what I want.
• 3:28
  Pride, is how you see me.
• 3:31
  So pride, the reason we added pride, and it's not on that original list, is because then this example, right?
• 3:37
  That's right here, it lists pride, affects my pride down here.
• 3:41
  So, you got pride, security, what I need.
• 3:46
  sex, sex is, you know, sex relationships, right?
• 3:51
  So does it affect me sleeping with this person or having sex with this person or, you know, not having sex with this person or does it affect my personal relationship?
• 3:59
  So like if I, break up with the certain person.
• 4:04
  Do I get to hang out with that group of friends anymore? Or if I lose this job, if I lost this job, do I get to hang out with those employees anymore?
• 4:13
  And so that's, that's how we're breaking this down. And, So this is this example and We're not going to go into all these people in the example, but I think Mr. Brown and, you know, most people know about Mr. Brown, right?
• 4:25
  I've seen shirts that like, you know, Mr. Brown's an a-hole, because like, so Mr. Brown is in the 1st column right here.
• 4:33
  And the cause, the reason is his attention to my wife, so he's given attention to my wife.
• 4:40
  The next one is told my wife, my mistress.
• 4:43
  So Mr. Brown broke the bro code already.
• 4:45
  Then three, brown may get my job at the office.
• 4:49
  So Brown's taking my job.
• 4:50
  He's got attention to my wife, and Ann Brown's told my wife about my mistress, a brown sneaking in.
• 4:58
  So if you look down at the bottom of the example, it's interesting because his wife is on this too.
• 5:06
  So, his wife's resentments are misunderstands and nags.
• 5:11
  Well, I mean, like we're talking about an alcoholic, right?
• 5:14
  I wonder if she misunderstands his drinking and nags and had him about it.
• 5:18
  Then she likes Brown, and wants to put the house in her name.
• 5:23
  So with that whole scenario.
• 5:26
  Well, man, 1st Browns, it seems like Brown's taking my job.
• 5:30
  He's moving into my house and taking my wife.
• 5:33
  So like when we look at this and this, you know, that's why this is a drastic house cleaning.
• 5:39
  And I think it talks about that on 25.
• 5:42
  On page, top of page 25.
• 5:45
  says there's a solution.
• 5:46
  none of us like this, though, right?
• 5:48
  The self- searching, the leveling or burnt pride.
• 5:50
  The confession of our shortcomings, which the process requires for its complete consemnation.
• 5:57
  So back on 65.
• 6:00
  So that's kind of the example.
• 6:01
  And over here, the 3rd column, we list out on the 3rd column, which I use one sheet of paper for these 3 columns.
• 6:09
  One is the resentment, the resentful act, the metal is the cause, and then the right side effects mine.
• 6:16
  I leave the other sheet on the right hand.
• 6:19
  So if you have a notebook, the right hand sheet is blank, but there's a line making it across, so you have where it's all connected.
• 6:29
  So if you ever get a chance, like you'll understand if you have this book in front of you, in front of you.
• 6:36
  It says, we went back through our lives, nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty.
• 6:40
  So I think thoroughness and honesty, so that's cool.
• 6:45
  So I never really looked at this like this, but we're gonna we're just realizing this.
• 6:49
  It said nothing counted, but thoroughness and honesty.
• 6:54
  And then you go back to on the back over here to page 59.
• 6:59
  It says half measures availed us nothing.
• 7:03
  So, half measures of being thorough and honest, counted for nothing.
• 7:09
  Anyway, back to 65.
• 7:12
  We were when we were finished, we considered it carefully.
• 7:16
  The 1st thing apparent, was that the world and its people were often quite wrong.
• 7:23
  To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got.
• 7:28
  The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore.
• 7:33
  Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore ourselves, but the more we fought and tried to have our way, the worst matters got.
• 7:42
  As in as in war, the victor always seemed to win.
• 7:46
  Our moments of triumph were short-lived.
• 7:49
  And back here on 62.
• 7:51
  Well, really 61, and that's why I kind of connect these as well.
• 7:56
  Because it says over here on 66 and says, The more we fought.
• 8:03
  So it says, as the worst matters got.
• 8:06
  So we try but the more we followed and tried to have our own way, the worst matters got, well, it goes into that over here on 61, right?
• 8:13
  It says on the other hand, he may be meaning autistical, selfish dishonest, but as most humans, he is more likely to have very traits.
• 8:21
  What usually happens, the show doesn't come off very well.
• 8:24
  He begins to think life doesn't treat him right.
• 8:27
  He decides to exert himself more.
• 8:29
  He becomes on the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be.
• 8:34
  So it's just, and you know, it's really important to me because the text proves text, right?
• 8:39
  So all this is going back and forth.
• 8:42
  So, The 1st real paragraph on page 66 says it is plain that a life which includes deep resentment only leads to fertility and unhappiness, to the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that we might have been worthwhile.
• 9:02
  So like, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile because of these resentment?
• 9:08
  So I said, well, I look at that.
• 9:10
  And like when I 1st heard this, man, it was a, uh, it was like a mine boggling thing.
• 9:17
  Because I think about a resentment.
• 9:20
  Like, is, you know, these like little bitty resentments, like, really gonna, like, kill me.
• 9:23
  Well, let's look how much time they take.
• 9:26
  So, One big resentment, I think I talked about it was, you know, my birth mother.
• 9:31
  Um, I sent in some
• 9:33
  I was sending a letter.
• 9:34
  Well, never received anything back from that letter.
• 9:38
  So let's say I think about that for around 20 minutes a day.
• 9:45
  I'll get my calculator out.
• 9:46
  Not 20 minutes a day.
• 9:48
  Let's just say, 2 minutes an hour, 4 minutes an hour.
• 9:52
  Let's just go for one minute and an hour.
• 9:55
  And so one minute an hour is 24 minutes.
• 9:59
  Well, 24 minutes.
• 10:00
  Hold on, 24 minutes.
• 10:03
  Times, let's say a week.
• 10:08
  Is that, so it's 168 minutes. Uh, 52.
• 10:17
  So 8,736.
• 10:20
  So that's a minute thinking about that each day and I mean, it's kind of, let's say it's a little bit much, but whatever.
• 10:26
  So,
• 10:28
  Then, well.
• 10:31
  Anyways, it's a lot.
• 10:33
  I got overwhelmed with the math, but, um, so if I have like, what if I have multiple?
• 10:41
  What if I'm 30, right?
• 10:43
  I have 30 resemblance and I think about them every day.
• 10:45
  Well, man, like what about the time that I couldn't spend like doing something useful to somebody else?
• 10:51
  Maybe I could have been getting out of the house and helping my kids or doing something at my job or being there for somebody else.
• 10:59
  The amount of time I do, because I squandered my hours, squandered my life way.
• 11:03
  And this, this, sitting next sentence right here is probably one of the most important sentences in this book.
• 11:10
  And I have it underlying and highlighted and It says dealt with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience.
• 11:21
  So that's a comma.
• 11:23
  so that thought right there, though.
• 11:25
  So my hope as an alcoholic is the hope and maintenance of a spiritual experience. So that means it's important.
• 11:34
  And I mean, and we're going to go back on this because a lot of things connect into that.
• 11:38
  But then it goes on to say this business of resentment is infinitely grave.
• 11:43
  We found that it is fatal.
• 11:46
  So, you can put little numbers behind side these because this is cool because, you know, infinitely grave, so that means deadly.
• 11:52
  That's one.
• 11:53
  Then the next sentence says that we found that it is fatal, for that is two, so that's two.
• 11:58
  4 wind harboring such feelings.
• 12:02
  We shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit.
• 12:04
  So, If the spirit and these resentments and stuff is in between me and the spirit.
• 12:11
  And God's deep down within, the great realities deep down within, which that says that on page 55.
• 12:18
  Maybe that's what I'm doing.
• 12:20
  I'm blocking this stuff from deep down within to get close to this, the sunlight, the spirit.
• 12:25
  It says the insanity of alcohol returns where we drink again.
• 12:29
  And with us, the drink is to die.
• 12:32
  So that's number three.
• 12:33
  That's the 3rd death thing so far in this these couple sentences.
• 12:39
  So it says if we were to live, we had to be free of anger.
• 12:44
  The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us.
• 12:47
  So the 1939 definition of brainstorm is a temporary fit of insanity, a transient fit of insanity, but what transient means is temporary.
• 13:00
  So a temporary fit of insanity.
• 13:02
  So the grouch and the brainstorm were not for me.
• 13:06
  They may be the dubious luxuries of normal men.
• 13:11
  But for the alcoholic, these things are poison.
• 13:14
  So, when we go back to page 61.
• 13:19
  Or 60, I mean, it says most people try to live by self-propulsion.
• 13:25
  Well, it tells me that I'm not most people over here because it says our actress self-centered and egocentric, so I do more than that.
• 13:33
  And on page 30.
• 13:36
  It tells me that the delusion that we are like other people are presently maybe has to be smashed.
• 13:43
  So, when I think about those words, when I go back over here, 66, being the dubious luxuries and normal men, well, I don't get that because I'm not other people, and that idea of me being like other people has to be smashed.
• 13:58
  It says we turn back to the list.
• 14:00
  So this is the, this is like the point where, the right sheet of paper is important, because like, and this is, and these, these 2 paragraphs right here really encompass, like, I think the biggest thing is like a pipe with a, like a screen on it to a filter, what's going through right here because that says, we turn back to the list for it held the keys to the future.
• 14:26
  Well, I mean, if it says it holds the key to the future, that means it's probably pretty important.
• 14:30
  We're prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle.
• 14:35
  We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us in that state of wrongdoing or other, fancied or real.
• 14:43
  Had the power to actually kill.
• 14:45
  So if I look back up, I'm sorry, I missed one of these for this says, but for the alcohol, these things are poisoned, so that's number five.
• 14:52
  And then actually kill is number six.
• 14:54
  So 6 death threats in a very small amount of time.
• 14:57
  It said, how could we escape?
• 15:00
  We saw that these resentments must be mastered.
• 15:03
  Master is having complete knowledge of.
• 15:06
  It says, but how?
• 15:07
  We cannot whisk them away any more than alcohol.
• 15:10
  This was our course.
• 15:12
  Says, we realize that people who wrong us wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.
• 15:18
  Though we did not like their symptoms and the way they disturbed us.
• 15:23
  They like ourselves were sick too.
• 15:25
  So mine, a complete place of I was sick.
• 15:29
  So if I was sick, maybe they're sick.
• 15:34
  So it says, we, as God, God, to help us show them the same tolerance, patience and pity that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.
• 15:43
  So, can how many people have shown me tolerance?
• 15:46
  How many people have shown me pity?
• 15:48
  How many people have shown me patience through my life in our random overstill?
• 15:55
  And so when I'm looking at all these resentments, I go through at this point, And I make this prayer.
• 16:01
  And each one, each individual one, because it says, when a person offended, we said to ourselves, this is a sick man.
• 16:08
  How can I be helpful to him?
• 16:10
  God save me from being angry.
• 16:12
  Thy will be done.
• 16:14
  That's not just put in there.
• 16:16
  That's not just a sick man's prayer.
• 16:18
  That this is in a structural sense.
• 16:20
  This is what I do for each resentment.
• 16:22
  And like when people are like, yeah, it's a sick man, right?
• 16:26
  No, it's it's how you work the 4th step.
• 16:29
  On every resentment.
• 16:31
  And it's not in there just for your, to go in there and go say, you know, I mean, you obviously is a tool, but this is how you, that's through the filter.
• 16:42
  We avoid retaliation or argument.
• 16:45
  We wouldn't treat sick people that way.
• 16:48
  If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful.
• 16:51
  We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.
• 16:58
  So maybe my whole idea is just to be helpful.
• 17:01
  Um, referring to our list again.
• 17:05
  So, right, we're going back to our list, but we've already went to our list first, but we're going to re-look at it.
• 17:11
  Putting out our minds, others wrong, putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done.
• 17:17
  So that's one.
• 17:18
  We resolutely look for our mistakes.
• 17:21
  That's two.
• 17:22
  Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self seeking and frightened?
• 17:26
  That's going to go on your right sheet of paper, right?
• 17:28
  So on the right sheet of paper, those 4 things are going to go over there.
• 17:31
  You're going to write them.
• 17:32
  You're going to write something out, like a sentence, maybe two.
• 17:35
  Um, it says, though a situation had not been entirely our fault.
• 17:40
  We tried to disregard the other person involved entirely.
• 17:44
  That's three.
• 17:45
  So that is 3 ways. It is telling you that we don't say this hold my part and your part.
• 17:51
  We disregard.
• 17:54
  We disregard the other person involved entirely.
• 17:57
  We resolutely look for our own mistakes.
• 17:59
  You know, it says that plane is day.
• 18:01
  like this whole like I played a part, they played a part.
• 18:04
  If you played a part and I played a part, you're always going to play more of a part than me.
• 18:09
  And because I'm always going to win because the house always wins.
• 18:13
  And the 5th thing that you write down over on the right sheet paper, where were we to blame?
• 18:18
  It says the inventory was ours, not the other man's.
• 18:22
  When we saw our faults, we listed them.
• 18:25
  We placed them before us in black and white.
• 18:27
  That means we write them down on paper, not in our heads because self-delusion can tell me that all this stuff isn't true anyways.
• 18:35
  We admitted our wrongs.
• 18:37
  Honestly, we were willing to set these matters straight.
• 18:40
  So that's the 4 step inventory on the resentment side.
• 18:45
  So here's the fear stuff.
• 18:47
  says, notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Miss Jones, and the employer and the wife.
• 18:54
  So if we flip back to the example, it's got self-esteem fear, and it's got security, fear.
• 19:01
  So when I look at that and I look back at these things, like, you know, so the fear had to pardon here, so I need to look at why my security was threatened.
• 19:13
  Because that is a fear, why my self-esteem was a threaten, because that is a, that is a fear.
• 19:19
  Pretty much, I don't want, well, if we go back to the definitions over here, what security is what I need.
• 19:26
  So if you threaten them what I need, then you're threatened, that's a fear of mine.
• 19:29
  Well, you can threaten my ambitions too, and that's a fear of mine too.
• 19:34
  Well, it's a fear of how you see me as well.
• 19:36
  That's my self-esteem.
• 19:37
  So depending on what those interests is, write them down because that's what it tells me to do.
• 19:42
  It says this short word somehow touches about every aspect of our life.
• 19:47
  It was an evil and corroding threat.
• 19:51
  The fabric of our existence was shot through with it.
• 19:54
  It set emotions, trains of circumstances, what brought us misfortune.
• 19:58
  We felt we didn't deserve, but did we not, did not we ourselves set the ball rolling?
• 20:04
  Well, Over here on 62.
• 20:08
  It says, Driven by a 100 forms of fear, self-delusion, self- seeking and self-pity.
• 20:16
  We step on the toes of our fellows, fellows and they retaliate.
• 20:20
  Sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past, we made decisions based on self, which will lay replace us in a position to be hurt.
• 20:30
  What if I don't want to be by myself?
• 20:32
  So I put someone in my life to be with me because I have a fear of being by myself.
• 20:36
  What if I don't, um, I don't want to be without money.
• 20:43
  So I can get a 2nd job, then I'll lose my significant other because I'm not taking care of my priorities at my home and giving any attention. And my, so my fear is just driving all of this, right?
• 20:55
  It touches everything.
• 20:57
  But then I've not set the ball rolling anyways.
• 21:00
  I didn't really even have a choice in the matter because I was going to do that. Because my fears driving my life.
• 21:07
  It says right here, sometimes.
• 21:09
  Now we're on page 68.
• 21:12
  We think fear ought to be classed with stealing, it seems to cause more trouble.
• 21:16
  How many times in my life has fear stopped me from doing something has stopped me from proceeding in my life and growing and doing this because I'm scared of the outcome?
• 21:26
  So it's stealing away from me and my life and me and really growing as a human because I'm scared to fail.
• 21:32
  So I'm so scared to fail, I won't even do.
• 21:36
  No, there was a time that I was so scared, I wouldn't even walk out of the house.
• 21:40
  Um.
• 21:42
  Then it goes on to say we reviewed our fears thoroughly.
• 21:46
  So there's that word thoroughly.
• 21:48
  So said over all the things, thorough and honest.
• 21:50
  says we put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them.
• 21:55
  We asked ourselves why we had them.
• 21:58
  So the way I do this and people might do this in a different way, but the way the book says to do this is.
• 22:08
  I put them on paper.
• 22:09
  And then I ask myself why I had them.
• 22:12
  So I list.
• 22:15
  Um, losing my significant other.
• 22:17
  Well, it tells me and I ask myself why I had them.
• 22:21
  So I ask myself why.
• 22:23
  And then I put, because I'm scared of being alone.
• 22:27
  And so, that I put why.
• 22:30
  And, you know, I keep on answering that until it doesn't move. And it'll quit moving pretty quickly because of this next sentence right here in the book.
• 22:41
  So it says we asked ourselves why we had them, then the answer is, wasn't it because self-reliance failed us?
• 22:48
  Because me by myself and my direction always fails me?
• 22:52
  That is the, it's like making this connection of, hey, man, probably gonna need God.
• 22:57
  self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough.
• 23:01
  Some of us had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem or any other.
• 23:07
  When it made it cocky, it menace were.
• 23:10
  So, man, good example of this is, When I, uh, I know that sometimes I started getting really fearful.
• 23:20
  And, um, insecure, because, man, I wasn't really a person that, like, he knew anybody wanted to be with anyway, so, like,
• 23:29
  But instead of being fearful, how we get angry.
• 23:33
  And like, you know, so anger, I show anger instead of being fearful because I think that's what I need to show anyways, I don't need to be a baby about it, right?
• 23:41
  So I mean, should be cocky.
• 23:43
  Um, yeah, I can see, I see that a lot in my life today.
• 23:48
  So it says right here back in the text, perhaps there's a better way we think so.
• 23:53
  For now, for we are now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God.
• 23:59
  We trust infinite God rather than finite selves.
• 24:04
  We are the world to play the role he assigns.
• 24:08
  Not the one I assign, he assigns, because he's the director.
• 24:10
  And I'm the agent, right?
• 24:12
  He is the father of the child.
• 24:14
  And this is, this is what it says.
• 24:15
  That's not, but that's back on page 62.
• 24:19
  Just to the extent that we do, as we think, he would have us and humbly rely on him, does he enable us to match calamity with serenity?
• 24:29
  Calamity with serenity. and like, so, man, the way this is wrote is so cool because, Back on 61.
• 24:41
  It says, is he not even in his best moments a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
• 24:47
  Well, right here it tells me on page 68,
• 24:51
  It says he enables us to match calamity with serenity.
• 24:56
  Chaos with peace, right?
• 25:00
  Says we never apologize to anyone for depending, depending on our creator, we can laugh at those who think spirituality, the way of the weakness.
• 25:08
  weakness, paradoxically, it is the way of strength.
• 25:12
  The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage.
• 25:16
  All men of faith have courage.
• 25:18
  They trust their God.
• 25:20
  We never apologize for God.
• 25:22
  Instead, we let him demonstrate through us what he can do.
• 25:25
  So this is the last instruction on the sphere part.
• 25:29
  On each of these fears I go through because like you're going to have some fears that you're going to have them broken down on a piece of paper and it's going to be this fear to this fear.
• 25:39
  But you'll have, I don't know, however many you have.
• 25:43
  And it says, we ask him to remove our fear.
• 25:45
  So I go to the fearless and I say, hey, God, remove this fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be.
• 25:52
  And the promise to that is that once we convinced that real fear.
• 25:56
  So like, I look at it in a sense of like, hey, God, you know, I don't want to be by myself.
• 26:03
  Well, what would you have me be?
• 26:06
  Well, maybe be useful to the people that are around you, right?
• 26:10
  You don't have to be fearful of being around by yourself.
• 26:13
  That makes sense to me.
• 26:14
  That's pretty direct. And, um, but you know, I, I, I remember my 1st sponsor said, you know, you might as well ask God to come into this.
• 26:23
  So on each of these fears, I ask God to come in this, then direct my attention to what he would have me be.
• 26:31
  And it says now about sex.
• 26:33
  Many of us needed an overhauling there, but above all, we tried to be sensible of this question.
• 26:39
  It is easy to get out way off track.
• 26:41
  Here we find a human opinions running to extremes, absurd extremes, perhaps.
• 26:47
  One set of voices cries that sex is the less of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation.
• 26:54
  Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex, who bewell the institution of marriage, who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes.
• 27:03
  We think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn't the right kind.
• 27:08
  They see its significance everywhere.
• 27:10
  One school would allow man no flavor for this fare, and the other would have us all a straight pepper diet.
• 27:16
  So all these in, you know, so I'm going to stop for a second, but all these people that talk about is funny.
• 27:22
  I was talking about this to my significant other the other day about.
• 27:28
  You know, how I view this, and I think I heard it from somebody else, but it's cool because you might just be hearing it from me.
• 27:35
  So whatever.
• 27:36
  But it's kind of, this whole sex thing is probably like parents after they get out of the pool with their kids and they eat and they tell their kids, you got to lay 30 minutes before, you know, you get back in the pool so you don't get cramps.
• 27:50
  I don't know anybody that's ever got a cramp.
• 27:52
  But I know I've heard that before so many times, and it's probably because the parents are probably too tired.
• 27:58
  to get the pool right after they eat, so they want to wait 30 minutes.
• 28:03
  It's probably the same thing when people get into this controversy about people trying to tell other people how to live their sex life.
• 28:10
  They just don't want to do with it.
• 28:13
  So they say don't date in the 1st year, but who's really going to not date in the 1st year?
• 28:20
  So then the reason is, is that my book tells me we want to stay out of this controversy.
• 28:25
  We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex life. Arbiter is authority.
• 28:30
  So we don't want to be the authority of anyone's sex life.
• 28:33
  We all have sex problems.
• 28:35
  We hardly be human if we didn't.
• 28:37
  What can we do about them?
• 28:39
  So it's not just an AA that there's sex problems.
• 28:41
  There's sex problems in the churches and the work and the bars and the, Anywhere you go.
• 28:46
  It's not that we're special in that, like, you know, we can start telling other people, oh, no, because we're worse.
• 28:53
  No.
• 28:54
  I'm not.
• 28:55
  I didn't come into AA because I have a sex problem.
• 28:57
  I came into AA because I was a drinking problem.
• 28:59
  When I take a drink I want more.
• 29:01
  And for some reason over a certain amount of time, I get into any problems, any times I decide to stop for a good reason, I still drink.
• 29:09
  That's why I came into AA, not for you to tell me about my sex life.
• 29:13
  So says we reviewed our conduct over the past years, where I've been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate.
• 29:20
  Whom and I hurt?
• 29:22
  Did we justify, justify, aroused jealousy, suspicion, bitterness?
• 29:27
  Were we at?
• 29:28
  where were we at fault?
• 29:29
  What should we have done and said, we got this all done on paper and looked at?
• 29:34
  So I'm going to break that down a little bit.
• 29:35
  So the way I do this is I write their name.
• 29:38
  Usually I do people that's been in my life for longer than 3 to 6 months, you know, because those are people that I really had an impact on my life.
• 29:48
  And I look at where I've been selfish and dishonest and inconsiderate than theirs and I answer those questions.
• 29:54
  Because then it says, you know, who would it hurt?
• 29:58
  Well, I have them already on the left, left shot, the paper, right?
• 30:01
  Because that's where I put their name.
• 30:02
  And it, you know, so then I answered, did I just, did I unjustifiable, arouse, jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness?
• 30:12
  So those are 3 more answers.
• 30:13
  That says, where were we at fault?
• 30:16
  I answered that.
• 30:17
  And then it says, what should we have done instead?
• 30:19
  And man, if you don't want to do the same thing over, you might want to answer that question.
• 30:23
  Yeah, I used to think that was a stupid question to answer.
• 30:26
  What should I have done and said, well, probably not have done it.
• 30:29
  Well, what's right about?
• 30:31
  Let's talk about what I should have done instead.
• 30:34
  So it says we got all this down on paper and looked at it.
• 30:39
  In this way, we try to shape a sane inside sound ideal for our future sex life.
• 30:45
  So, I think this is like where people, I have it found as many people that go into this as I do, but if I'm trying to shape a sane and sound deal, ideal for my future sex life, it says we subjected each relation to the test.
• 31:01
  Was it selfish or not? Well, most of the time it was selfish, right?
• 31:03
  We ask God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them.
• 31:07
  We remembered always that our sex powers were God given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised in loads.
• 31:16
  Whatever our ideals turn out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it.
• 31:21
  So the way I do this, uh, I write my ideal sex life, you know, and I have a guy go into it very uh, pretty vulgar.
• 31:29
  I deal with a lot of guys that are in treatment centers too, and, you know, can announce treatment and, you know, you might not be in that place, but I still do it with you too.
• 31:38
  I told guys get very specific, right?
• 31:41
  You know, big ways, small ways, you know, pretty face.
• 31:46
  red hair, blue hair, brown hair, you know, and everything in between.
• 31:50
  I like them to get as vulgar as they can.
• 31:52
  Does she cook?
• 31:54
  Does she clean?
• 31:54
  Does she not cook?
• 31:55
  Does she not clean?
• 31:56
  Does she work?
• 31:57
  Does she not work?
• 31:59
  And I write, I'll have them write all that stuff out and, you know, when we come down to sit down and, you know, they bring that to me and then I ask them, like, what do they bring to the table?
• 32:11
  And I think in there that kind of shapes the saying and sound ideal because like when I look at what I want versus what I'm bringing.
• 32:18
  Um, and I'll put that on paper, there's usually a, there's a sound on deal in between.
• 32:23
  It says we must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in doing so.
• 32:31
  And this is my only controversy in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous with Bill.
• 32:39
  So when I when I look at that and I, and I understand what goes on in the, um, the men's process.
• 32:46
  So, you know, Bill over here in the men's process tells me that on 79.
• 32:54
  that I ought to be willing to lose my reput positioned or face jail.
• 33:02
  Or I may be willing to lose my position too, right?
• 33:07
  So like, go to jail, do all this, and um, But when it comes to this stuff, like, you know, let's be careful, and I don't really see it that way.
• 33:18
  Like, because over here in Bill's story, it tells me on page 12, 11, hold on.
• 33:25
  It tells me that it says on page 11, I think, that no.
• 33:34
  It's probably, it's in Bill's story out.
• 33:38
  It'd be all right.
• 33:39
  Says there was no real infidelity.
• 33:41
  Well, what, you know, he's talking about there was no real infidelity done to Lois.
• 33:45
  Well, like what does no real infidelity mean?
• 33:49
  And what it's talking about in the in between 76 and 83,
• 33:55
  It's talking about in there, you know, at one point, it's like maybe we should just like buygones, be goodbyegones.
• 34:01
  This is the one out because I believe, you know, Lowe's was still around.
• 34:04
  That bill is kind of like, you know, soft on.
• 34:08
  But it tells me we must be willing to make amends where we have done harm.
• 34:13
  It says, in other words, we treat sex as we would other any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter.
• 34:21
  So that's another direction that can be rolled over.
• 34:24
  In the men's processes, well, the right answers will come if we want it.
• 34:30
  God alone can judge our sex situation.
• 34:32
  that says counsel with other persons is often desirable.
• 34:37
  But we let God be the final judge.
• 34:39
  We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose.
• 34:44
  We avoid hysterical thinking or advice.
• 34:47
  And this part, this paragraph that I think needs to be highlighted because this talks about just like, I believe, talks about my motives in my life as well, not just about sex.
• 34:57
  It says suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble.
• 35:01
  Does this mean we're going to get drunk?
• 35:03
  Some people tell us so, but this is only a half truth.
• 35:07
  It depends on some of our motives.
• 35:08
  If we are sorry for what we have done, and we have an honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven.
• 35:15
  And we have learned our lesson.
• 35:17
  But if we are not sorry, continue, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink.
• 35:24
  We are not theorizing, these are facts about our experience.
• 35:28
  So like, if I keep on hurting people, we're going to drink.
• 35:31
  Not just for sex.
• 35:33
  If my conduct is affecting others in a bad way, I'm probably going to drink.
• 35:38
  That what it says.
• 35:39
  These are facts.
• 35:40
  To sum up about sex.
• 35:42
  We earnestly pray for the right ideal.
• 35:44
  Forgot its age, questionable situation, for sanity and strength to do the right thing.
• 35:49
  If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves harder into helping others.
• 35:54
  So when I look at these 3 things over here, we went through resentment. It says, how can I be helpful to them? Then a little bit below that on pay, this is on 67.
• 36:06
  If we do, we'd assure our chance of being helpful.
• 36:09
  So that's telling me to be helpful.
• 36:10
  Um, it tells me over here on 68.
• 36:14
  We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be. What I would imagine God to have me be as being loving, so that's a way of service as well.
• 36:24
  And then this is the 3rd place.
• 36:27
  We throw ourselves harder into helping others.
• 36:29
  We think of their needs and work for them.
• 36:31
  This takes us out of ourselves.
• 36:34
  It quiets the imperious urge when the yield would mean heartache.
• 36:39
  So this goes on to like, you know, tell this is an overview of what we've just done. If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot, we have listed and analyzed our resentments.
• 36:49
  We have begun to comprehend their futility and fatality.
• 36:53
  We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness.
• 36:56
  We have begun to learn tolerance, patience, and goodwill toward all men and even our enemies.
• 37:01
  So it says we begun to learn this.
• 37:03
  So if it doesn't mean I'm there.
• 37:05
  Because, you know, on page 84, that's kind of a promise to this is, you know, uh, love intolerance.
• 37:13
  But on page eight, seven, what is it, 19?
• 37:17
  Um, In the bottom of 19.
• 37:20
  So most of us since that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings, and viewpoints and respect for their opinions.
• 37:27
  Our attitudes was make us more useful to others.
• 37:31
  So this is how the beginning of home get that attitude.
• 37:37
  before we look at them as sick people.
• 37:40
  Or guess says, I'm sorry, we begin to learn tolerance patients of goodwill toward all men, even our enemies, before we look at them as sick people.
• 37:49
  So I'm looking at my enemy as a sick person rather than my enemy now.
• 37:52
  comes into a little bit more tolerant view.
• 37:55
  We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct.
• 37:58
  And we were willing to straight out the straighten out the past if we can.
• 38:02
  In this book you read again and again that faith did for us, what we could not do for ourselves.
• 38:08
  We hope you're convinced now that God can remove whatever self will has blocked you off from him.
• 38:14
  If you have already made a decision in the inventory of your grosser handicaps.
• 38:19
  You have made a good beginning.
• 38:21
  That being so, you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.
• 38:27
  Yeah, man, this is a really important part, and I hope I was able to clearly do this.
• 38:34
  I know I kind of jump around in here and.
• 38:39
  I kind of went a little quick too.
• 38:41
  But man, thank y'all for y'all's time and we will see y'all back and we will start back when we get to next week on page 72.
• 38:50
  into action. And I guess that means we're going to be doing some actions.
• 38:54
  So thank y'all for y'all's time.
• 38:56
  All right, bye.