Latest / The Scorpion by Anna Elisabet Weirauch. / 11 - The Scorpion.

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11 - The Scorpion. · The Scorpion by Anna Elisabet Weirauch.

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: While Myra was dressing to go to the artist's ball,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: she was not conscious of any effort to beautify herself
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: in order to attract attention, to please, to cause sensation. Indeed,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: she desired to attract as little attention as possible, and
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: would have given a good deal to be invisible, or
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: to watch the hubbub from a gallery or a darkened
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: adjoining room. She selected a very simple black taffeta dress
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: quite void of color or boldness of line. Nevertheless, she
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: could not prevent something striking in her appearance. Perhaps it
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: was caused by the anticipation which flamed up in the
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: depths of her lifeless eyes and which was in such
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: sharp contrast to the gentle, almost colorless composure of her
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: pale face. As Myra took off her coat in the
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: vestibule of the little villa and was at once surrounded
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: by a throng of persons in fantastic costumes and a
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: throng of noises, her immediate thought was of escaping. She
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: looked for little Mara Luigi who was raising waves of
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: people about her. Perhaps no one would notice if she
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: asked for her coat again and slipped quietly out the door.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: She glanced about, weighing the chances of flight, and encountered
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: the eyes of Icarus who stood directly behind her. Look
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: around a bit first, he said soothingly as if he
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: had divined her thoughts. And if it's too much for you,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: give me a sign and I'll take you home. I
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: have no intention of staying here till daybreak myself. The
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: rooms were large and bright, and so full of noisy
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: people that Myra grew dizzy. A thin, bluish pall of
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: smoke hung over the groups and spun in rings around
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: the lamps. Faces stood out, impressed themselves on Myra's mind,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: sharp and yet unreal, like visions in a fever, then
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: disappeared again. Icarus remained at her side, pointing occasionally to
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: someone whom she could not discover in the throng. or
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: mentioning some name that she did not understand or could
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: not catch because it had no meaning for her. A tall, slender,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: beautiful girl passed them in a sort of pages costume.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: A curious call to her and she stopped and greeted him.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Myra had an opportunity to observe her. She wore black
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: silk knee breeches, white stockings, a jacket with lace cuffs,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: and had secured her dark, curling hair in a great
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: black knot at her neck. Her features were clear and regular.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: a high and beautifully modeled forehead, and an almost challenging
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: free and bold expression which captivated Myra at first glance.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: She seemed to perceive that Myra did not feel quite
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: at home in that tumult. She took her by the
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: hand like a child.' Come,' she said, half to Myra,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: half to Icarus,' I' ll take this little girl to Nora.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: She is always the pole of repose in the flux
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: of appearances. You'll feel much better with her. Good Lord!'
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: She took Myra's chin in her hand and turned her
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: face to Icarus. Doesn't she look like a little child
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: on its first day at school? Come, baby. You shall
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: have a place of honor. She forced her way through chattering,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: noisy groups. Everywhere the beautiful woman was called to, stopped, embraced, greeted, questioned.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: With a patience and affability that never altered she always
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: managed to release herself again. But it took a quarter
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: of an hour for Myra and her to cross two rooms.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: At the end of the second room was a raised
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: alcove on which, towering above the other chairs and a
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: table with a charming cover, stood a Renaissance easy chair,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: with high and very beautifully carved arms. In this armchair,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: standing out against its strawberry-red brocade as against a painted background,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: sat a very fair woman, dressed in white, softly flowing
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: white veils over her shoulders, a soft white covering over
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: her knees. Myra was astounded at first sight by the
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: beauty of this vision. On closer inspection she perceived that
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: the woman in the chair had passed her fortieth birthday,
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: that she was too buxom to be beautiful, that age
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: and sickness had ravaged and obscured the once pure lines
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: of her face. But the next moment, as Myra held
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: her warm, matronly hand, and felt a smile of indescribably
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: warming cordiality and kindness envelop her, she forgot all about
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: beauty or ugliness, and surrendered without reserve to the mild
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: fascination of this personality. Here nor Ina. The slender page
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: laid her arm lightly across Myra's shoulder. Take this little
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: girl under your protecting wings. Else she'll be lost in
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: the hubbub. Something in the words, the solicitude concealed by
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: a gentle irony, recalled Olga so vividly that Myra wanted
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: to howl like a whipped dog. She no longer seemed
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: to see the bright room with its throngs of people
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: and strange faces as through panes of glass. They seemed
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: to crowd in upon her, somehow to break through those
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: glass casements which she had set about her life. It
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: was all too much after the silence and solitude of
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: the last few weeks. She felt herself in a condition
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: not unlike a violent attack of fever. Myra had to
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: smile when she saw a shade of concern pass over
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: the fair face of the woman while the room seemed
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: whirling about her. She felt a chair moved against her
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: legs while she was forced to her seat by gentle
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: but firm hands. She was sitting on a low chair
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: close beside the high armchair. There, said the dark-toned voice
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: behind her. Now if it's too bright or too loud
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: or too gay for you, just lay your little head
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: against the arm of my chair and creep under my veil.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: That's what I always do. Obediently, Myra nestled her cheek
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: against the arm of the high chair. and felt the
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: veil being drawn over her head. A gentle scent of
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: mignonette emanated from the soft, filmy silk. Nora turned to Myra.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: You mustn't imagine that it's always as gay here as
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: it is tonight. You must come sometime when we are
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: more intimate, more quiet. We have a nice little garden
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: which is our real joy. Just as long as it
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: is possible. We take tea out there and love to
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: have someone keep us company. Yes, when the flag is up,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: laughed the young person on the step, turning with a jerk.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: You ought to know that we do here as at court.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: When their majesties are at home, the flag is hoisted.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: You ought to explain, Will, Nora amended, just how it
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: is done. On the roof of the arbor there is
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: something like a little flagstaff and miniature, with a gay
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: little pennant on it. you can see it from all
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: sides even in front if you are passing the house.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: But if Sophie has to work very hard, or I
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: am not feeling particularly well, we haul in the little flag.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Then no one, at least none of the initiates, needs
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: trouble to come to the door simply to be turned away.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: For of course that's always painful to both sides. For
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: those who have to interrupt their work or control their illness,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: and are disagreeable hostesses anyway, or for those who feel
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: like disturbers of the peace. If they are really turned
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: away they usually think, well they might have made an
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: exception in my case, or, they did not have to
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: have the maid tell me. Most of them are habituated
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: to the lie they tell themselves. There is no one
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: at home. That someone should be working never seems a
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: sufficient excuse for them. But all our friends know that
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I never leave the house and Sophie very rarely. so
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: the little flag is there to avoid any unpleasantness. When
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: it is unfurled that means, please come in, we're expecting you.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Then there's no need even to come through the house,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: for everyone who wishes can enter by the garden gate,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: or if it should be locked can jump the hedge,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: eh Will? But Will had sprung up in motion with
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: his hand without even glancing back, for he was staring
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: intently into the room where a circle was gathering around
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: a dancing couple. Fiametta is dancing! he called back with
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: a hasty turn of his head. The woman is marvelous.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: You must see her. Quite youthful in his impetuousness, he
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: seized Myra by the elbow and dragged her from her
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: chair to the step. I ask you, have you ever
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: seen anything like that in all your life? Isn't she dazzling?
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Isn't she perfect? In the rather narrow circle which the
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: crowding spectators had left free, a slender, Well-built young man
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: was dancing with a woman of refined beauty and great charm.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: She was so perfectly at one with the music that
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: its tones seemed to emanate from her supple body. She
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: had a manner of dancing such as Myra had never
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: before seen. Her movements were gentle, cool, subdued, noble and
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: almost solemn. At the same time it seemed as if
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: the beautiful girl consumed a vast reserve of strength in
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: compelling her symmetrical body to maintain its dignified repose. as
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: if it would have required only a moment's forgetfulness for
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: that bridled temperament to leap up like a flame, for
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: those soft relaxed muscles to turn to steel and impel
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: her sinewy body through the air, like a wild beast
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: springing on its prey. Myra felt a kind of painful
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: burning sensation at the sight of her, and when she sought,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: with her habitual honesty, to account for it, she decided
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: that it was envy. A thousand appraising glances could never
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: embarrass this woman. It would have been no task for
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: her to cross a crowded dining room to her table.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Isn't she marvelous? said the young man beside Myra, aglow
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: with enthusiasm. Isn't she fascinating? Isn't it just as if
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: she stepped out of another century? Out of a century
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: when there were still beautiful women. Beautiful women who left
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: the stamp of their personality on their environment. The courts,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: the city, the arts. Myra nodded silently. She would have
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: been glad had he kept silent, too, for she wanted
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: to know what was being said behind her. She could
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: hear Nora's quiet, gentle voice. Certainly, she is very beautiful, Ulrich.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: She has breeding, temperament and culture, everything one could wish.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: but she is a little strange to me, and a
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: little strange she will always remain. Perhaps it will sound
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: very silly and sentimental to you if I say that
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: she has no heart, but I really believe that she
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: has not even the most elementary sort of kindliness. Myra
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: could not catch what Ulrich might have objected. but she
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: heard Nora's reply. No, Ulrich, I cannot agree with you.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: A woman without kindliness is something without charm, without fragrance
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: for me, no matter if she is as beautiful as
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: your Fiametta. Oh yes, I know you have a foible
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: for her, and forgiven her everything that you would never
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: forgive in another. Of course, no one is obliged to
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: love simply because she is loved by another, but then
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: one should not arouse feelings in others if one has
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: no use for them. Oh that. Yes she does do that.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: And not in one case only in hundreds of cases.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: And she keeps right on doing it. She completely ruined
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: poor little Miss Bernhard. She drove Erwin half mad. And
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: she's destroying Gisela now for the mere diversion. At the
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: name of Gisela Myra started. So this was the woman
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: for whose sake Gisela's life was being destroyed. Poor Gisela. Oh,
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Myra knew only too well that it is possible to
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: be destroyed for a woman's sake. Her heart burned with
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: anger and pity, with painful recollection and a desire to help,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: to alleviate, to save. She had not another glance to
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: spare for the beautiful woman. Her eyes sought Gisela and
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: found her on the opposite side of the room, her
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: shoulders hunched over, the inevitable cigarette between her lips, staring
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: into space with an expression of complete abstraction. Myra chose
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: a moment when Mara Luigi was approaching Gisella to turn
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: to Nora and excuse herself. If you will pardon me,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: I should like to say a word to Miss Luigi.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Nora's tone seemed to veil a mild astonishment. Ah, you
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: know her? Are you friends? Myra felt a sudden redness
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: invade her cheeks and forehead. Yes. No. That is, we
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: stay at the same pension, she said somewhat embarrassed. She
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: forced a path for herself along the walls, fearing all
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: the while that little Mara would have stopped talking to
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Gisela by the time she reached her. She felt that
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: she was committing a deed of great daring. She had
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: a feeling, almost of homesickness, for the low seat beside
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: the soft, concealing veil. She thought of herself as a
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: half-fledged bird that has abandoned its nest to make a
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: flight into the world. But a fierce impulse drove her forward.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I must not be a coward, she thought. I will
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: have my destiny and I will go forward to meet it.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I will open my arms and bear with joy everything
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: that is meted out to me. I will love life
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: no matter what it brings. The sweet, hot dance melodies
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: quivered through the air. They seemed to force Myra's steps
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: to fall into their light and fiery rhythms, while her
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: thoughts kept iterating like the refrain of a song. I
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: will love life, I will love life. When Myra stood
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: before Gisela and Mara had mentioned names and made a
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: gesture of presentation, there was that strange feeling again. What
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: is the purpose of it all? What will happen now?
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: We have been introduced, that is, we know one another's names,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: the series of letters whereby we are listed in official registers,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: and that gives us the right to talk to one another.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: But nothing gives me the right to utter what I
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: am thinking. If I were to say, I wanted to
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: know you because you make me feel so dreadfully sorry,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: because Mrs. Meidinger has told me that you take morphine
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: in order to deaden your grief, your sorrow over a woman,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: and because I understand you so well and would like
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: to try to help you, or at least be unhappy
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: with you. If I said that to her, they would
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: shut me up in a lunatic asylum. And quite rightly,
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: for if I were in a normal state of mind
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: I could never bring myself to say such things. I
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: believe that I have seen you before, said Myra with
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: a reserved smile, half to Gisela, Half to Mara Luigi.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Weren't you at the pension recently? Yes, of course. Gisela's
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: dark eyes were fastened on Myra. That's where I saw
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: you two. That's why your face looks so familiar to me.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Come on and sit down beside me, there's still room. Thanks,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: said Myra and smoothed her taffeta dress before she sat down.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Again she felt a slight anxiety because she thought that
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: it was her duty to say something, something too, that
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: would lift her above the average. but she couldn't think
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: of anything. Gisela was not so easily embarrassed in beginning
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: a conversation. You know little Luigi from the pension, don't you?
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Myra nodded. She brought you here, didn't she? You haven't
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: got anything to do with art and such awful things,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: have you? Unfortunately, no, said Myra. Unfortunately? Thank God and
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: your most honorable parents that you have a decent occupation.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: But primeira ventana. Haven't any? That's the most decent of all.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Are you serious? I think it's dreadful not to have
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: any occupation. Why dreadful? Having an occupation means being paid
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: for work. Taking money from somebody, that means being subservient
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: to somebody whether it's an individual or a company or
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: the public. Being at the public's beck and call is
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: the worst of all. If you have no occupation and
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: don't need to have one, then you're your own master.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: That is to say, you're not anybody else's servant. Why
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: is that dreadful? I don't know. Myra wrung her hands
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: with a gesture of helplessness. Perhaps because then we don't
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: belong anywhere. Home has no meaning for us anymore. I
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: was born and brought up in the city. But does
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: that give me any feeling of home? Yes, perhaps, if
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: I were in Tokyo and heard someone from the city
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: talking I might discover some such feeling in myself. and
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: might even become sentimental with him when we thought of
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Potsdam or Linden. But just think how ridiculous it would
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: be if we addressed somebody in Lucerne or Baden-Baden with,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I believe you come from my native city. We have
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: no families anymore either. Or we have no use for them.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I envy the old noble houses with their hundreds
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: of branches, each linked by name. But above all I
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: envy people who have an occupation, for every cobbler has
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: connections with every other cobbler, Cabmen have something in common
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: with all other cabmen. Physicians have their colleagues to help
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: them in almost every village on the earth. The artists
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: are like one big family, especially theatrical people. And sometimes,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you will understand the feeling, it
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: seems to me that it must be good to be
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: chained quite firmly to something, so that one will not
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: plunge into the abyss. Oh, I understand it all right.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Have a cigarette. She offered a narrow birchen case. Only,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I don't altogether believe in this fellow feeling of fellow workers.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: No more than I believe in blood relationships. The greatest
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: stranger in the world to me is my own sister. No, no,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: the same kind of education, the same kind of interests,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: they have about as much to do with people's feeling
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: for one another as the same kind of incomes. But
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: one must feel one belongs somewhere, Myra objected, bewildered. Gisela
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: shrugged her shoulders wearily. Yes, if you want to feel happy,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: to feel secure. But our best emotion is probably a
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: fellow feeling for our fellow man. Only it is in
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: very rare cases that we ever discover who he is.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: And what else is there? Sometime I think that people
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: who have suffered the same misfortune, the same sickness should
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: band together. The blind, the lame, the hunchbacked. This was
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: approximately what Myra herself had previously thought. but when she
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: heard it uttered by someone else, it roused her opposition.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I don't think, she said reflectively, that I would like
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: to see myself surrounded by my own infirmities, especially if
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: they were exaggerated or distorted, any more than I'd like
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: to see myself in a mirror if I were a leper.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: At bottom it always pleases people more to hide their
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: infirmities and keep them as inconspicuous as possible. And I
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: don't believe either that the ailing are especially sympathetic to
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: one another. Everyone says to himself, he's a much worse
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: case than I am. A young man came up to
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: Gisela and embraced her with a girlishly gentle and fawning gesture.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: You must sing something for us, Gisela, he pleaded. Please,
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: please be nice. She shook her head without answering, knitting
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: her brows a little. But he did not release her
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: and begged like a child. Oh, please, do be nice.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Only for a few of us, one tiny little song.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: My loot isn't here, John. Oh, you can use Sophos,
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: but come. With gentle coercion John tugged her from her place.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: His narrow face, sensitive features and delicate bloom of color
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: were almost angelic in their beauty. His fair, gently waving
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: hair was a little too long, his big dark blue
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: eyes too soft, almost ardent in their expression. Despite his
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: surprising beauty, Myra thought his exterior almost repellent. but after
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: a few moments she decided that it was really his
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: costume which disturbed her, because it suited him so little.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: In a white tunic, in a silk doublet with puff sleeves,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: even in a gold embroidered rococo jacket he would have
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: been a perfect picture. Gisela, still tightly embraced by his arm,
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: held out her hand to Myra. Come with us, little girl,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: she said. I can't promise you any great enjoyment, but
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: I'll be flattered if you'll listen to my croakings. Myra
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: seized the outstretched hand, letting it draw her along. It
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: was a slender, feverishly hot, ruinously thin hand that clasped
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: her fingers in a loose but tenacious grip. Somewhere in
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: the distance she saw a curious face emerge. He did
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: not even glance at her, and yet his grave and
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: worried face seemed a reproach to her. I suppose I
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: ought to pay some attention to him. A slight feeling
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: of fear. Then her defiance blazed high. But why should I?
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Why must I always be talking obligations into myself which
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: really aren't mine? From now on I'll have regard for
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: no one, I'll go where I feel attracted. and only
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: where I feel attracted. In the small adjoining room a
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: dozen people were sitting, lying and crouching in the most
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: varied postures. Sophie was there in her becoming pages costume.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Beside her was the young man called Will who had
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: sat on the top of the alcove step, little Mara
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Luigi and the painter Giesbert, who was wearing a kind
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: of cowboy costume, and Ulrich, the man with the grave,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: haggard face and deep minor voice. Someone lifted Gisela's slight,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: light figure and set it on a table. John took
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: the lute from Sophie and laid it in Gisela's arms.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: A young person in a silk pierrot's costume who was
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: dashing about with a tray of glasses offered one to Myra.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Myra drank down the sweet and fiery wine at a draft,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: in order to be rid of the glass, and found
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: herself searching for a seat. Sophie extended her hand to her.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Come here to me, little lost bird, she said. No
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: one will hurt you here. I'm not afraid, said Myra smiling.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: And she really was not. She felt quite content and
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: well concealed in the deep, soft silk cushions between two
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: faces that did not seem strange or unpleasant to her.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: Little John with his page-like grace seated himself at her feet,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: and although she felt no particular liking for him, she
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: enjoyed his slightly cuddling touch. Gisella tuned the strings, her
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: head bent low. Her loose black hair fell about her cheeks.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: With a sudden toss she raised her head, shook back
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: her hair, and after a few opening chords began to sing, somewhere.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: A voice is calling through the dark night, a voice
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: that makes me tremble, somewhere. On their hot couch, hot
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: hands in sight, my longing hands to tremble, somewhere. A
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: heart weeps quietly for the right, against my own to tremble,
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Her voice was small as if muffled by a veil,
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: but the deeper tones especially had a passionate, enthralling ring.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Myra felt as if she were caught in the web
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: of a sweet, dreamy happiness that was, nevertheless, a painful longing.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Sophie had put her arm around her, and now and
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: again her hand kept time to the music by stroking
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Myra's shoulder gently and soothingly. Sometimes Gisela's eyes sought out
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Myra while she was singing. Their glances met, were fixed
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: one upon another, and it seemed to Myra as if
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Gisela were singing every word to her. Sweet life, she thought, beautiful,
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: beloved life. She felt a feverish longing that filled her
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: heart to overflowing. It was a longing without name or object.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: It was a longing for distant lands, a longing for affection.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: It was a longing for glittering fame, for heroic deeds,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: and a longing, too, for grandmother's quiet garden. For the
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: meadow over which the bees hummed. Your sad and silvern soul.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Draws its last gasp in blood. Alas that it stands sole.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Alone by me unfound. For your soul will be drowned.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: Will plunge beyond control. Sink drown in burning blood. Since
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: my cool hand has never found. Your brow to still
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: the fevered flood. A shade of almost sorrowful gravity passed
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: over Sophie's beautiful cheerful features. She smiled. but it seemed
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: as if her smile were steeped in melancholy. Wait a moment.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: She motioned to Gisela with her hand. I want to
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: get Nora. You know how much she loves to listen
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: to you. She rose abruptly. John sprang up at the
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: same moment. Can I help you? He asked. It was
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: a plea. Myra thought his words sounded mysterious. Sophie and
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: John did not enter the large hall-like room from which
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: they had come. Sophie opened a glass door behind a
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: curtain which gave upon the night-darkened garden. Leave it open
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: a moment, she begged. It is so warm outside. We'll
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: be back this way. Gisela hesitated. Some interior struggle was
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: reflected in her mobile features. Sophie, she called, springing down
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: from the high table. Would you rather that I came
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: with you? I can sing in the next room just
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: as well. No, no, said Sophie. She was standing on
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: the step and had lifted the two parts of the
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: curtain so that they framed her slender figure for a moment.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: It is so crowded and smoky in there, and dusty
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: from the dancing, and one can't make the whole crowd
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: listen quietly. Besides, I'm glad to have a good reason
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: for enticing Nora out for a while. She'd never decide
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: to come herself, and if she doesn't, the evening will
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: be too much for her. She nodded gratefully to Gisela
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: and vanished in the darkness. through the half-open door, streamed
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: the manifold fragrances of the night and its flowers. Over
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: the little circle lay an expectant silence. Those who were
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: sitting side by side made observations in hushed voices. Gisela
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: strummed her lute without raising her eyes. The murmured conversation
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: presently grew louder and somewhat more lively, only to subside
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: entirely when heavy steps were heard crunching the gravel in
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: the garden. Then the most intimate friends of the household
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: began to talk rapidly again in a fashion that seemed
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: to say, We were not waiting for you, we shall
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: pay no particular notice to you when you come. Involuntarily
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: Myra glanced at the garden door, and though she instantly
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: controlled herself, she started and felt that she had turned pale.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: They were leading, they were dragging Nora in. Sophie was
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: supporting her on one side, John on the other. But
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: they could not raise her heavy upper body. It sagged
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: forward as if it were bent, broken. With an effort
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Nora raised her head, and her soft brown eyes, filled
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: with silent suffering, like those of an injured animal, met
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Myra's for a second. Ulrich moved up a chair, while
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: set down cushions for her feet. An instant later she
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: was sitting in her easy chair, her hands laid upon
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: its arms, her knees, which were drawn up a little
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: higher than most people's, covered by the lightly flowing folds
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: of her silken veils, her fair head laid back upon
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: a violet-colored cushion. Again a picture of almost queenly beauty,
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: not unless one observed closely, was a slight twitching discernible
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: around her mouth and cheeks, from pain or the unusually
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: violent exertion. Myra's heart was quite filled with contradictory feelings.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: She felt a terror that verged on horror and even aversion,
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: an anguish of sympathy but at the same time, a
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: fear as of dark veils falling. of a slowly settling
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: unbearable burden. Had not life been simply bright and gay
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: and alluring? Had she not loved it with a hot
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: longing ardent sacrificing love? And was it not now as
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: if a fiery and flexible dancer, the swaying of whose
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: arms had intoxicated her, suddenly had torn the mask from
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: his face, and with a mocking grin pointed to a
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: fleshless death's head? What was there in the world after all?
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: What could one expect from life? Misery and affliction, sickness
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: and death, and bitter, freezing solitude. Gisela plucked several chords
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: and began to sing. Somewhere. The alarm rings dull and heavily. Somewhere.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Says home-going tolls for me. Somewhere. The long white roads
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: lead well away. Somewhere. Will lead me home to earth someday.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: She bowed her head lower over her instrument. It was
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: strange how the tones found their way out of her
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: restricted breast. Everyone was silent when she had finished. Will
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: was the first to speak. More, more, he cried. Another, another.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Others shouted after him. Gisela slipped down from the table
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: and laid the lute in a corner. Her weary movements
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: were those of a child, but her face, which was
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: always narrow, had become old and small. I believe I
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: cannot sing any more. she said, as if asking forgiveness.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: Her voice was no more than a hoarse whisper. Through
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: the door of the adjoining room came an elderly fat
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: man with an ugly, bloated face. Inside, someone was thumping
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: the piano, but it could hardly be heard for the
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: noise and laughter and the shuffling of dragging feet. The
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: fat man seized little John around the body with a
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: firm grip.' Come, Johnny boy, we'll dance!' he cried and
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: pulled him about in a circle. John swayed from his
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: hips like a coquettish girl. Myra observed for the first
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: time that above his small and narrow foot in its
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: low-cut patent leather pumps, he was wearing open-work silk stockings.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Suddenly she loathed him. She loathed the fat man. She
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: loathed Gisela because her face looked old and sick and
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: worn out. She loathed Will because he spattered wine down
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Mara Luigi's low-neck dress and then ran his hand down
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: her back on the pretext that he was drying her.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: She loathed Mara Luigi because she was pleased by the
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: performance although she shrieked and kicked and struggled. Myra felt
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: a terrible longing for the peaceful solitude of her own room.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: Giesbert was standing before her, asking her to dance with him.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: She pressed with both hands against his arms which were
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: seeking to clasp her and carry her away. Please don't,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: she said, impatient but pleading. Don't, don't, please, I don't
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: like it. Suddenly, after she had released herself and was
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: swaying a little dizzily, her glance came to rest on
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: Icarus' face. He approached her with a gentle smile, and
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: involuntarily she extended her hand to him. I'm so glad
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: you're here, she would have liked to say. I want
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: to go home. Then it occurred to her that she
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: had no right to command him as she would a servant,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: when she had not given him a thought the whole evening.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: But before she had found anything to say, he spoke himself.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: You look tired, Miss Rudloff. I don't want to hurry
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: you if you still wish to stay here. But if
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: you would like to go, simply say so. Myra was
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: heartily grateful to him, although she had again been almost
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: shocked by his ugliness as he suddenly appeared before her.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: She was not entirely satisfied with herself. It must be
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: her own fault that she was always seeing ugly and
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: pathetic things everywhere. Probably she was not strong enough for life,
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: not healthy enough, not stupid or perhaps not wise enough.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Everywhere life had angles and edges, points and sharp corners.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Wherever one groped among the rosy, shimmering clouds that so
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: beautifully enveloped them, one was struck and hurt. One had
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: to be a cobblestone or a diamond not to be
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: shattered by their hardness. She walked after Icarius in an
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: almost stony silence. Let him think what he would of her.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: She was tired and upset, angry and dispirited. She had
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: no desire to torment herself further with a laboredly indifferent conversation.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Icarius allowed her time to cool her feverishly hot forehead
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: in the night air. She gazed up at the bright
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: flames of the stars and again, as always, felt the
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: need to spread her folded wings, to launch herself at last,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: at last into the infinite. So impatient was she that
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: her heart was depressed, her breathing labored, and there was
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: an aching against her ribs. Finally, after a long time,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: she heard a quiet voice beside her utter what seemed
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: to be the last link in a long chain of thought.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: You will do me a great favor, Miss Rudloff, if
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: you do not pass judgment upon your hostesses in their
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: house because of this evening's rather he hesitated, rather turbulent festivities.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: You must sit out there in their garden with them
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: some quiet afternoon and talk with both ladies. I am
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: quite certain that you might gain much by it, and
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: it would be a pity if tonight's performance had spoiled
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: your taste for it. Myra felt as if she had
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: been looked through and through and was a little ashamed. Oh,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: of course not, she said with some embarrassment. I was
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: really very charmed by both ladies. I am simply not
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: accustomed to such noisy society. Ah, I am really not
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: accustomed to sociability at all, and there were simply too
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: many and too varied impressions for me. I am suffering
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: a little from a carousel feeling. If you can imagine
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: what that is. Oh yes, Icarus laughed softly. I imagine
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: that it is mostly dizziness and nausea. Not only, said Myra,
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: but music too music that keeps droning on, and a
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: lot of gaiety and a lot of light a mysterious
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: and fascinating gaiety, pearl-bespangled dazzling decorations behind which mysterious alluring
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: weird things are concealed, the driving power the machinery the engine,
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: and out of the darkness appear single brightly illuminated faces
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: that keep vanishing and reappearing. But above all, above all
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: is the impression of a longed-for pleasure that has been
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: tasted till one is sick and tired of it. That's
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: all right then. Icarus smiled as if his thoughts were
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: already somewhere else. You did not know that Nora is
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: an invalid? He inquired after a pause. No, said Myra. Then,
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: half involuntarily, as if driven by a sense of guilt
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: for which she somehow hoped to atone, she said, Oh,
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: she made me feel so terribly bad. She has had
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: a very sad life, said Icarus rather reluctantly. But in
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: spite of that, I would not say that she makes
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: me feel bad. Somehow I wouldn't dare say that. It
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: would seem almost presumptuous of me. There is so much
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: about the woman that compels one's admiration, so much that
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: is superior to us, so much that one can almost envy,
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: that pity in my opinion hardly enters into the case.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Myra felt that his remark was worded very discreetly in
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: order that she might understand, though not too harshly or emphatically,
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: that she had said something stupid. She was grateful to
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: him for his considerateness, for it hurt her dreadfully to
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: be corrected by anyone. At any rate, I will make
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: every effort to know her better, she said with a
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: hearty determination. I believe that there is much to be
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: learned from her, and there is nothing I need more
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: in this world than to learn. It is already a
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: great deal simply to know that, said Icarus with a smile.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: Most young people of twenty think they know enough. If
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: you always pick your instructresses with a sure an instinct,
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: You can't go far wrong. I hope so. Myra knitted
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: her brows. Fear again cast its shadow on her like
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: a cloud, fear of making a misstep, of becoming bewildered,
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: of straying into treacherous morasses, of walking into an abyss,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: courting disaster in some form or other. In any case,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: I won't have to suffer any long-drawn death, she thought,
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: when my shattered limbs are lying at the bottom of
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: the abyss. Then there will be nothing left for me
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: but Olga's bequest, my friend, the revolver.