Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Episode #180 w/Youness El Fehdi "How Many Times Can You Become a New Version of Yourself?

Transcript

Episode #180 w/Youness El Fehdi "How Many Times Can You Become a New Version of Yourself? · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Kickin' It With Kiki. Kickin' It With Kiki.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Kickin' It With Kiki.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: Full of personality.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Switchin' up the storyline.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: On God, we makin' history. Writing books. Changing lives. One
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: day at a time.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Put your problems to the side.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Enjoy yourself. Freeze your mind. Hello and welcome back to
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: another episode of Kicking It With Kiki, Life, Love, and Mindset.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: The space where we have real conversations about what shapes us,
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: what elevates us, what transforms us, what stretches us, and
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: what keeps us the people who we are and motivate
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: us to become the person that we're supposed to be.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: I am your host, Kiki Chanel, award-winning author, lifestyle blogger,
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: and owner of 19 Lifestyle Magazine. Y'all know how I
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: like to do. I like to give my guests the
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: opportunity to tell you who they are. So, Younes, thank
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: you for coming to Kiki with me today.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Kiki, for inviting me. And let's first start
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: by introducing myself. I'm Younes Elfedi, and I'm an author
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: and speaker. But my story started in a small town
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: in Morocco called Fez, and that's when I got the
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: Inspiration to explore the world outside of Fez, Morocco. And
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: what triggered me back then, what triggered the idea was
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: because Fez in Morocco is known of visitors, tourists from
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: all over the place come in and visit. And back
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: when I was young, when I was a kid, I
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: always look and see different people coming from all over
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: the place. That's opened my horizon. That's what started that.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: that sparks that inspiration to visit the outside world. So
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: I started learning languages early in my life. When I
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: was only, let's say, 10, I already spoke Arabic and
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: some French. And then while talking to people from all
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: over the place, there was a problem. I did not
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: speak English. And English was the most, useful, the most
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: widespread language. So I was thinking about learning English for
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: a while, but when I got to high school, the
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: opportunity came to me when it was offered as a
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: secondary language. And that's when I learned English. I got
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: my high school diploma and I went to university and
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: I added Italian to my language portfolio. So when the
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: opportunity came and I applied for a visa to come
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: to the United States, and I did back in 2002.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: And what inspired me to come to the United States
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: specifically because it was different than any other country. It's
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: relatively younger, but at the same time, it was the
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: most diverse nation in the world. And immigration is the
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: backbone of America. Because that's how, that's where the power
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: of America comes from, is the diversity and it's based
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: on immigration. Because if you look at all the people
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: over here right now, they all came from somewhere else.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: I don't care what everybody will tell you, but somebody
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: came from somewhere else, except Native Indians were the first here.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: So that's intriguing to come over here and see how
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: this world that's melting past, how it's how it's working,
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: how all these people from all over the place came
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: together and built a nation that is the most powerful
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: country in the world. So I came over here and
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: it was totally different to leave your life behind in
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: Morocco and you come over here and start over with
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: new connections, new people, new culture, new food. My most
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: depressing thing I'm just saying depressed. I'm just exaggerating. It's
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: just like my most sad thing was the food. But
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: I came over here, I did not like the food
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: at first. I was like, how am I going to eat?
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: Because the food in Morocco is different. So, you know,
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: I went over here. First thing I went was Taco Bell,
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: you know, McDonald's, you know, it was all brunch. And
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: I was like, that's the first culture shock. And by,
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: you know, about a month after I came over here,
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: The food starts tasting better, so it's just about, you know,
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: I guess you're tasting buds, getting used to it, whatever.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: And then back in 2006, I think, I was working
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: as a car salesman. And there was a guy that's
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: the original director of CCA, Correction Corporation of America, which
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: is a private prison. We were talking and he said,
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: how many languages do you speak? And I told him
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: it was four languages then. And he said he needs
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: somebody who speaks different languages because he's got a position
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: at the prison that he needs somebody like that. So
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: I said, no, I'm not working in prison. But he
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: was very persistent, keep calling me and emailing me. Finally,
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: I went over and said, let me try it. So
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: I went over there, did an interview, I started, and
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Everything was history. So I did like about seven years
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: at private prison. Then I joined the federal force. I'm
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: a federal law enforcement officer now. And that's my career story.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: Let's move to my personal and books story. So I
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: always wanted to share my experience with learning languages, my
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: inspiration and how I learned it and how I became
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: better at it. And I wrote a book back in 2019.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: It's called Dominate the World of Languages. And before I
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: wrote that book, I did not believe that I could
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: write a book. So what I advise anybody that want
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: to do something, just go ahead and take that first step.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: And once you take the first step and just... Because
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: the way I did it, because I was waiting for
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: almost like... For 10 years, I was just thinking, but
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: I never... I never took that first step. So I
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: just started writing like a page, couple of pages a day,
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: finally put them together and it turned out to be
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: a successful, inspiring book. I shared my experience, how I
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: learned languages, what inspired me, and I put some techniques
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: of how to learn and develop your linguistic skills. And
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: back in 2019, I wrote another book. Because... Two in
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: one year. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Okay. Yeah.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: The second one was, I wrote it quicker because it
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: was some type of urgency. I had a son in
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: 2015 who was blessed with a son. His name is Adam.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: And in 2000, back 2017, 18, he was diagnosed with autism.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: And me and my wife went through some tough experience
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: to learn how to adapt to that new reality and
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: how to deal and how to raise an autistic child.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: So in 2019, after we figured out how to deal
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: with it and how to manage it, I said, there's
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: another story that I need to share to the world.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: So I need to put a book called dominate the
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: challenges of autism. And I put my experience over there,
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: how we did with it. That way, somebody else can
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: save time and not learn the hard way the way
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: I did.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: So that was my second book. Uh, my third book,
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: my life is, uh, is a series of challenges and
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: overcoming challenges. And then it turned into a story and
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: put in a book. My third one was back into 2021. I, uh,
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: I became overweight and had COVID. Then I went to
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: the doctor and I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: So for me and for the majority of people, that's
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: a life sentence because type 2 diabetes don't go away.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: It just stays with you all your life. So I
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: went and it was very high too. So The doctor
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: gave me the pills and all that. I did that
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: for three months. I went back. It was still high.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: And finally, I said, I'm just going to take that.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: That's my philosophy in life. Just take the first step.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: I said, there's some way you can reverse this diabetes.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: I started doing my research, and I read somewhere that
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: it was a very little chance you reverse it. I said,
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: if whatever it is, 0.001%, I'm going to do it.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: I just jumped in and I started doing intermittent fasting
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: and I went to 24-hour fasting, water fasting. I was
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: still drinking water, coffee, but I just put no sugar,
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: no creamer. So after like, I don't know, three months,
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: I went back again to the doctor and type 2
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: diabetes was gone.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: So the doctor was like, maybe it's just low right now.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: So come back in about six months. I went back
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: six months. It was still gone. And it's been like 2021,
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: five years.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: That's amazing.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: It's still gone. So the way I did it, I
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: just started intermittent fasting. And right now I do OMED
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: only twice. One meal a day. That's what it is.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: And I'm sustaining my diabetes-free lifestyle.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: I love that. And I think that had you not
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: made that choice to say, I'm going to do it,
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: you would have been like many other people and accept
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: that diagnosis.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: Life sentence, yeah.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: Well, that's my story with that third book. I mean,
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: the weight loss game and diabetes. I wrote it around
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: that time. I think it's 21, 22, something like that.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: My last book, my fourth book, is content that captivates.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: So it shows how you stand out in social media,
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: you stand out and how you deliver your message. But
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: the problem here, we're drowning in information.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: So.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: Anybody that tried to watch the internet or social media,
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: there's no way they can find you if you don't
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: really stand out. And if you don't know the techniques
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: and the most important thing, you got to be authentic.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: It's got to be an experience that you actually went
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: through to give to people because people got that sense
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: if you're just talking about something that you never have
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: gone through or you don't know anything about it. It's
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: not authentic. It's not coming from an actual experience. People
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: will feel that. That's how humans connect to each other.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: It's got to be something real, authentic. That's the general idea.
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: And then there are the specifics. On the top of that,
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: you still need to know how to deal with the
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: algorithm and how to deal and what kind of format
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: you use, short format, long format and when to use
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: the long format and the short format. So I'm sharing
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: that story and I put it in the book too.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: So that's where I'm at now and that's what brought
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: me to you and where we go from there.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: I love that. I love that. Thank you for telling
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: us all the information because I was going to ask
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: you about the books, but you beat me to it,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: which is awesome. So tell the listeners, how can they
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: get a copy of your books?
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: To get a copy of my book, I got a
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: main hub. My main hub is my website. It's www.elfeddyauthor.com.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: And my books are even in Walmart too. You can
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: find my books. I got the three format. I got
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: the paperback, audible, and of course, Kindle. And I'm also
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: the host of the YA show, YA show channel on YouTube.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: So if you guys can check it out and see
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: what you think. So, but my main hub is www.fedeauthor.com.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: Everything is in there. My social media links where, what's
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: my themes, what's my story and everything.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: And all this information will be in the show notes guys.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: So don't even worry about it. Just look at the
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: description and all of his information will be there for you.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: So now we're going into the reality check because transformation
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: usually sounds beautiful when we tell the story afterwards, right?
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Living through it is something completely different. So you immigrated
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: to America and ultimately build a successful life. What is
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: something about immigrant experience that people who have never lived
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: it often misunderstand?
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: The immigrant experience is, the first thing you learn is
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: the personal responsibility. Because you come over here with no surrounding,
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: with no family surrounding you, no friends surrounding you to
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: back you up. So there is no way to go
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: but to depend on yourself. And that teaches you the
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: meaning of depending on yourself and not depending on anybody else.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: And once you build that mindset, especially at the beginning,
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: it follows you throughout your life. You get used to
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: it and it becomes you. That's why. Uh, many immigrants
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: come over here with nothing and they turn out to
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: be so the, the most, you know, standing experiences, Elon Musk,
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: that's the most, the richest man in the world. And
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: he's an immigrant. So I'm not saying if I agree
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: with him or not, but yeah, focused on immigrant experience.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: He is one of the top, the top examples we
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: can see. Of course there are so many others. as
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: we can mention. And it's just like the immigrant experience.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: You kind of embrace a life where you got no support.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: And when you live in that reality, you learn how
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: to fend off yourself and just to make it by yourself.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: And also, your purpose is stronger. Because your environment shapes
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: how you think and what your purpose is to a
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: large extent. So it just teaches you how to be
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: emotionally intelligent and depend on yourself and just the main
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: word is personal responsibility and also experience that you have
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: before you immigrate plays a role. So you know that
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: the system, the American system, you see the difference between
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: the American system and your previous system, and you see
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: that people around here, some of them, I'm not generalizing,
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: do not appreciate the system they're in. So, therefore, they
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: do not take advantage of it and work harder and
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: capitalize on the positive of the system. Of course, it's
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: got negative, it's got positives, but we need to focus
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: on the positive in order to move forward. And that's,
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: I think, the difference, especially people coming from really bad systems.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: My case, Morocco is not really worse off. It's right
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: there in the middle, but some other places, you see
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: those people that come over here, they just thrive. Because
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: they appreciate where they come from. And when they come
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: over here, they capitalize on the new reality they're in.
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: And that's how they succeed.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Right. Absolutely. So you spend years working in federal corrections.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: What did being around people experiencing the consequences of their
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: choices teach you about human behavior, second chances, and the
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: decisions we make with our own lives?
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: That teaches me that humans are bound to make mistakes.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: And some mistakes are irreversible. And some are reversible. So
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: in a prison, you got two types of inmates. You
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: got prisoners that are there forever. You got lifelong sentences.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: So there is... They're not thinking about going out at all.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: So most of them would be set in that criminal mindset.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: And some of them, they got hope. Maybe they got two,
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: three years, five years, maybe 10 years, but they still
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: got hope. So those are the people that I see,
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: they learn from their mistakes. And I see them reading books,
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: learning the business techniques, learning how to succeed in life.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: I can tell just from the books they read. Because
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: I observe when I'm walking around, I observe what kind
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: of books they read, what they do. Of course, not
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: all of them, but the ones that's actually getting reformed
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: in prison. Other ones would be busy trying to commit
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: crimes while in prison. So what I learned is that
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: prison can be both ways. It can be a tool
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: to make the criminal worse. And when they come out,
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: they commit more crimes, and it can be a tool
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: to reform and make society better by returning that prisoner
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: to society as a contributing member to society. So what
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: that taught me about human nature, that that people that
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: people in general they they are victims of their their
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: let's say selfishness when they make decisions when they make
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: decisions they always think about themselves themselves and themselves only
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: without thinking about about other members of society And that's
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: the trap because you live in a society. We got rules.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: We got laws. And those laws are not for you.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Those laws are for people surrounding you to keep you
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: from doing something that's harm other members in society. Let's
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: say like the rapists and the child molesters. I mean,
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: when I talk to these guys, most of them, They
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: have no care about anybody else but themselves. As long
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: as they satisfy that sick desire, whatever sickness they have,
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: that's all they think about. And once I talk to
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: them and start talking about how you can broaden your
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: way of thinking and think about the surrounding, have some
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: empathy with people around you, That's when change starts. I
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: think empathy is the most misunderstood concept. A lot of
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: people be like, well, I don't need empathy. People, everybody
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: has their own thing. But you really don't have to
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: agree with people to empathize with them. But you need
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: to live, to relive their experience and just see how
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: it is. But you don't really have to agree with them.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: Because if you don't, if you don't, there will be
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: no bridge of communication.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because people shut down on you when you're not
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: trying to understand them.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: So when people feel understood and heard, that's when the
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: bridge of communication. And that's when solutions are possible. Because
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: you can't come up with a solution when there is
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: no bridge of communication between you and another person. It
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: doesn't matter if it's criminal, like you said about your questions,
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: about criminal or just regular people. So going back to
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: your question, what thoughts me is the empathy. Yeah, I
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: will empathize with a criminal, but I don't necessarily agree
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: with them. But I need to understand their side of
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: the story. And once I do that, they open up
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: to me. And once they open up, That gives me
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: a way to suggest solutions. And they'll be receiving to
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: that solution because they feel that they are heard and understood.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: But if you go over there with a prejudgment, oh,
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: this is a criminal, this is a bad member of society,
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: and they just go there, they're not going to open
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: up to you. So there's going to be no bridge
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: of communication, and we're not going nowhere like that.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: I'm glad that you talk about communication because, I think
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: that that is like a lot of the reason why
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: so many relationships are broken or on edge and things
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: like that. People are not being heard. Most people listen
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: to respond instead of listen to hear and understand and
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: comprehend what's being said. Do you think some of the
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: biggest communication problems we have aren't because people don't know
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: how to talk, but because they haven't learned how to
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: understand themselves?
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: Definitely. That's the biggest issue we got because communication, it's
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: 80% listening, 20% talking, not the other way around. But
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: the general assumption is like somebody who talks too much
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: or talks too loud, they think those are the ones
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: that stands out. No, but that's not how communication or
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: communication is about listening, understanding, and actually hearing what somebody
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: is saying.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Right. Absolutely. Thank you for that. For someone who feels
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: like adversity has become their identity. Everything keeps happening to me.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: Why does this keep happening to me? What is one
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: practical thing they can do to begin separating who they
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: are from what they've experienced?
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: Well, I can talk to that from a personal level.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: Adversity is the way you look at it. Because adversity...
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: In every adversity, there is something positive. And it's up
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: to us to approach it that way so we can
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: capitalize on that. You make adversity as the currency that
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: you're going to use for you to move forward. And
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: like they said, you know, calm sees never made skilled sailors.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: So if you never experienced adversity, how you're going to learn?
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: Because adversity is actually... You're training ground in this life.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: If you read stories, you read books about successful people,
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: they never had an easy life, a comfortable life. It
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: comes from struggle, and struggle teaches you how you succeed,
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: how you climb up through life and remove obstacles throughout
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: the way. And the more adversities you face, the stronger
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: you are. the better, the most effective you become in
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: your life. But if you look at adversity as an obstacle,
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: something that puts you down and you dread it, it
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: comes to you. It's because when you wake up in
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: the morning and the first thing that happened, oh, it's
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: going to be a bad day. So your brain automatically
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: gets programmed to look for the negative throughout the whole
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: day and it starts coming one after one. But if
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: you wake up in the morning and you say, I
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: choose to be positive today, your brain gets programmed and
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: starts looking for the positive stuff. And that's how the
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: brain works. The brain doesn't distinguish between positive and negative.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: It's up to us to reprogram our subconscious mind and
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: attract the positive instead of the negative. Because some people
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: will tell you, Well, affirmation, positive mindset, that's not real.
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: It's just, it is because I can write experience. I
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: used to be like, if I woke up in the
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: morning and I had a flat tire, I'd be like, oh,
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: this is one of those days. And I go to
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: work and first thing happen. five prisoners killing each other.
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: Because it's just like your mind kind of, and it
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: would be like everything that you face, you start interpreting
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: it in a negative way.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: And that's how it keeps coming to us because we
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: human beings, there's an energy around us.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: We might be like, we might be like, hey, we
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: believe in reason and logic and one plus one. equal two,
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: sometimes one plus one equal four. Because it's not about
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: logic and reason. We're emotional creatures first before we are
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: logical and reasonable. It's all about emotions and the energy
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: around us. So my advice to people who think adversity,
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: follow them everywhere they go just to change your mindset.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Just wake up in the morning and say, today I
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: choose to be positive. And that's going to reprogram your mind.
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: to look for the positive instead of the negative. And
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying that the negative is going to disappear.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: It's not going to pay more attention to them and
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: be there, but it's not going to affect you the
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: way it's going to affect you. If, if you're set
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: to attract negativity.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Absolutely. All right, Eunice, we're in the mic drop moment.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: So I'll ask you some questions and these questions are
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: a little short, but sometimes they give us the biggest answers, right?
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: So it's three different ones that I'm going to ask.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: What did adversity teach you that success never could?
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: Adversity teach you the meaning of empathy. Let me give
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: you one example from my life because I always believe
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: to talk about something that I actually went through to connect.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Like when... When I had my son back in 2015,
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: I got diagnosed with autism. Everything went dark. I've been like, hey,
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: my son is not going to get married. He's not
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: going to be able to live on his own. And
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: he's not going to be able to do the little
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: stuff in life like eating, whatever, eat, drink, use the bathroom,
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: have a friend. Just regular, something that we take for granted.
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: But for autistic people with autism, everything is a milestone.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: Everything is not taken for granted. So what adversity taught
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: me that success would never teach me is the meaning
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: of appreciating the little things.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: Never take anything for granted. You got to be grateful
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: about anything that happened that you have because when adversity
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: hits you, it's a teaching moment for human beings that
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: whatever you had and you were complaining about it's gone
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: and and that's my first is gratitude gratitude and success
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: success if success comes just by itself before adversity You're
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: not going to appreciate it. You're not going to enjoy it.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: Because mostly people that came from poverty, they enjoy being
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: rich more than people that were born rich. Because they
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: never understand the experience of not being rich or being poor.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: So they got born rich. So they never enjoy it.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: People that... came from poverty, enjoy that. So I don't believe,
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: I don't want success without going through adversity because otherwise
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: I would not be able to appreciate it and enjoy it.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. I love that. What's one belief about yourself you
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: had to unlearn in order to become the man you
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: are today?
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: What I have to unlearn in this life is blame
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: and two things, blame and complain. I learned that each time,
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: because I used to blame and complain, I never went
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: nowhere with that. So first of all, talk about blaming.
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: So what I learned about blaming, blaming, you give the power,
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: the control over your choices to whoever you're blaming your
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: problems on. So if you blame, let's say, the government,
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: if you blame your friends about your failure, you're giving
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: them the control over your choice, your autonomy over your life.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: So what I learned when I started, when I got
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: rid of blame and complain, period, I took back control
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: over my decisions in life. And that's the most important thing.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: Never blame and never complain, because blame is a dead end.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: So that's what I learned. That's what I learned. That's
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: the most important thing I learned. It's just like never
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: to give control over your life decisions to somebody else
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: or some other entity. Whoever is going to be able
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: to fix your problems, it's you. So always have that
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: mindset and that's how you move forward.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: I love it. Last question because you know I cannot
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: have you on without asking this question. I ask all
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: my guests. When life challenges you and love stretches you,
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: What mindset keeps you grounded?
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: The mindset that keeps me grounded is what I mentioned before,
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: is to look at adversity as a lesson instead of
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: looking at it as an obstacle. And at the same time,
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: it is adversity, so it's not a pleasant experience. But
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: at the same time, you believe that there is a
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: light at the end of the tunnel and you keep going.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: At the same time, You enjoy the love, the positive
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: stuff in your life. So it's not going to be
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: a very comfortable life, 100%. It's going to be adversity
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: on this side, love and positivity on this side. But
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: the most important thing is to focus on the positive
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: and use the negative. So the negative is a tool
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: for you to teach you lessons. And the positive things
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: are your fuel, your energy, to keep you uplifted and
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: able to move forward without being bogged down by the
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: adversity of life.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: I love that. Eunice, thank you for kicking it with
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: me today. And most importantly, thank you for reminding us
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: that transformation isn't just one moment. Sometimes it's changing our health.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's learning how to communicate differently. Sometimes it's adapting
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: to a new country or a new season in life.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: So to everyone who is listening, remember that your life
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: will challenge you, life will stretch you, but your mindset
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: will determine how you move through it all. Until next time,
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: keep living, keep loving, keep growing, and most importantly, keep
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: your mindset in check. I'm Kiki Chanel, your host, and
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: you have been listening to another episode of Kicking It
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: With Kiki, Life, Love, and Mindset. I am back with
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: another episode every Thursday on all major podcast streaming platforms,
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: as well as YouTube. This episode will have all of
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Eunice's contact information in the show notes. You can connect
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: with him. You can go to his website, find out
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: where he hang out on social media, get his books,
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: as well as connect and follow. So one last question
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: before we get off. Is there any last words that
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: you would like to share with the listeners of Kicking
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: It With Kiki today before we go?
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: The last word I would share is just like, never
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: worry about what you can't control and always take massive
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: action on what you can control and focus on the positive,
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: but don't forget to use the negative because the negative
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: will always be there. And the positive will always be there.
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: So it's up to us. If we focus on the
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: positive and use the negative, that's how you handle life.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Until next time. Purple hugs. Later.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Kiki.