Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / SMNTY Classics: Women Supporting Women

Transcript

SMNTY Classics: Women Supporting Women · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sandy and Smitha and welcome to stuff.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I never told you production if I heard you. And
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: as we record this as it comes out, it's Mother's
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Day weekend. It is upon us. I feel like it's
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: early this year. That's just how it kind of happened.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Everything's early. I felt like Easter was early. Yeah, this
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: was early.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Everything's early, it is and it here in Atlanta. They
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: are closing down one of our major highways over Mother's
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Day weekend. It's going to be an absolute mess. So
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: me and my mom are probably gonna meet up later. Yes, yes,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: but you know that was on my mind. I did
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: get to meet up with my mom recently for the
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: first time. It was wow, that was really nice. And
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: we were looking back over the classic episodes. We've rerun
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: most of our Mother's Day specific episodes before, but I
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: thought it'd be nice to bring back this episode we
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: did on women supporting women, especially if you might be
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: buying a gift for Mother's Day or you know, we're
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: in the primary elections. Things like that just things to
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: think about around this time. Yeah, so please enjoy this
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: classic episode. Hey, this is Annie Samantha and welcome to stuff.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I've never told you a protection of iHeartRadio's house stuff works.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Samantha and I have just gotten back from a very
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: long trip.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: So long that I've lost my voice almost completely. Yes,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: between the yelling at our conference to the screaming at
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: the rides that you made me go on.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Which the light and like I forced you to do
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: something you didn't want to do.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: I feel like a couple of those rides where I
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: was tricked into.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: I would never do such a thing. Yes, we were
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: in Orlando for podcast movements.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Spider tried to kill me.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: The Spider, Yeah, I remember that whatever Harry Potter ride with.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Oh Forbidden Journey, Yeah forbid.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's Spider. You didn't tell me about that.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: And I got to ride the new Harry Potter ride.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: She did, I did. She lived the glory, and it's
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: partly through the support of Samantha, because you were the
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: one that told me, whatever is going to happen, you've
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: got to ride that ride.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: Look after the many discussions and the fact that your
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: face kind of fell when you thought you weren't going
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: to be able to do it, and I'm like, no,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: it has to be done.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: And it was done.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: And that's kind of what.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: We're talking about today is women supporting other women, which
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: is something very important to both of us because women
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: are and have been frequently conditioned to compete with other
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: women for jobs for men, which is yes, very heteronormative
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: in this for success. I have witnessed example after example
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: of this. I have been a part of this. A
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: great example is calling a woman a horror slut when
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: she sleeps with a man, but not judging the man
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: in the same way. But more and more women are
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: calling it for what it is bys and they're supporting
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: other women.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: Right And we were so excited, so we wanted to
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: talk a little bit about the positives of women supporting
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: women again. Last week we went to Orlando, YEP for
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: our little conference.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: It was at a little big We got a lot
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: of free T shirts. I'm worrying one right now, you are.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: I've been wearing mine pretty happily and it's been amazing.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: And one of the things that we got to do
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: was be on a panel with our podcast from our
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: FAM podcast. World is what we would call it network networks.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: I want to call it something else. I want to
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: make my own, my fam. This is my podcast, faum
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Ethnically ambiguous, Anna and Scherene, And it was so fun
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: to get to know these women that we kind of
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: know from AFAR because they're based out of la and
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: we're in Atlanta, and so being able to like sit
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: and talk with them and to like actually bond has
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: been phenomenal. And just the idea of hearing where they're
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: coming from and how hard they've worked in the same
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: way with all of us where we come from. It's
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: really beautiful just to be able to get together and
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: to actually push each other and like support each other.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: And I think that it was important that we come
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: back and have that.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: As an actual discussion.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because the panel we did was on something we
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: talked about recently, podcaster imposter syndrome. And most of the
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: people who were there were women, and it was early
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: in the morning, so early, and yeah, a couple of
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: our a couple of our co workers showed up as well, right,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: but it was it was so nice to just have
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: that crowd and see women supporting other women.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: One of the people who showed up was Savers Lauren Vogelolm. Yes,
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: and she was there with us one hundred percent of
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: the time to support us.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: She was and she is not a morning person. She
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: would not mind me telling you that she is not
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: a warning person, so it meant a lot to me.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: She was fantastic.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: So what we're talking about is women supporting other women,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: and there is a lot of research into this. Studies
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: have shown that women who support other women find more
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: success when it comes to business, and that women benefit
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: more from collaboration as opposed to competition. Women with a
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: squad or a close inner circle of female friends are
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: more likely to get executive positions that pay more money.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Data has not shown the same to be true for men,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: and it's looked into it, it just hasn't shown that
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: same relationship for correlation. Having other women to turn to,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: for example, when it comes to negotiating contracts, has been
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: incredibly valuable for me.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah too.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Not only did I have valuable advice from other women,
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: but my contract was handled by a badass woman who
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: was a friend of mine, who came to bat for
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: me and really fought to make sure my contract was
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: as fair as it could be.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: So it's fantastic, oh absolutely.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: And for women, having this group of close friends is
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: one way to combat the systems of bias that we face,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: whether it's through offering advice and mentorship, having each other's backs,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: or offering words of encouragement.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's another testament to not feeling alone
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: having a support group through at all.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Past host Kristen and Caroline did an episode on the
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: shine theory, which is in essence that women supporting other
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: women shine. Women who don't support other women, who believe
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: that women fundamentally can't get along and or there's only
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: room for one at the top, are frequently called queen bees.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: There are some mixed usages of that phrase, but for
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: our purposes here. Studies have found that women prefer male
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: bosses at large when it comes to work situations, specifically,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: since women are still underrepresented, can sometimes be a sense
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: that women have to compete for the quote, one spot
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: on the board, or whatever it is. Some studies show
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: that men generally are more biased against women in professional settings,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: but when it comes to a confident man and a
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: confident woman, they have no preference. However, women never, repeat
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: never chose the confident woman versus the confident man. Boom,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah that's that shows something. Yeah, not great. This also
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: comes with a favoritism threat that women publicly helping other
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: women will be seen as an act of favoritism or bias.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: Right, And then you know, while we call this favoritism
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: and bias, we have the boys club and that doesn't
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: seem to be a negative idea. It's such a weird
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: like connotation of being together and being fat, pulling each
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: other up. Yet when women do it, it's favoritism or sexist.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Not sexist, that'sn't the word. That's the other way. It
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: could be that way, actually, but you know that it
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: is such a negative connotation.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And research across one hundred and thirty seven societies
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: found that ninety one percent of female competitive acts were
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: targeted towards other women. And the history of women hating
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: other women, of undercutting and undermining other women is a
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: long one, starting in Victorian times. While romantic relationships between
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: women were celebrated, they were also viewed as short lived
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: and superficial. Appropriation for a quote, real marriage with a
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Man from the eighteen sixty eight book The Friendships of Women,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: written by a male minister. Of course, I was often
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: struck both by the small number of recorded examples of
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: the sentiment among women and by the commonness of the
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: express belief that strong natural obstacles make friendship a comparatively
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: feeble and rare experience with them. Or eighteen ninety three's
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: criminal Woman, the Prostitute, and the normal Woman, also written
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: by a man, of course quote. Due to women's latent
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: antipathy for one another, trivial events give rise to fierce hatreds,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: and due to women's irascibility, these occasions lead quickly to insolence,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: and to women of high social station do the same thing,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: but their more refined forms of insult do not lead
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: to law courts. Yeah, okay. At this time when women
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: couldn't own property or much of anything really, or they
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: could have jobs. In most cases, competing for men that
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: could provide was a matter of life and death. Or
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: it could be sex workers were blamed for selling the
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: representation of other women, and women in charge of those
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: sex workers frequently cheated other women out of their wages.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Researchers have put forth two main theories for why this
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: rivalry exist. The first is evolutionary psychology aka we have
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: to protect our wombs, so indirect aggression is the way
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: to go, or the feminist psychology theory basically that it's
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: internalized misogyny, internalized no gays society teaching women their value
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: and identity is wrapped up in their attractiveness to men,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: which in turn makes them compete against each other for men.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I also read this huge, huge essay about the economics
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: of sexual reality and it was too much future episode.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: But whoa, whoa whoa. Another part of this is self competition.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: When you see a woman you think is prettier, smarter,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: and or better than you, you're really competing against yourself,
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: but you're projecting it onto her. Other Researchers highlight that
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: two other things that differentiate female competition from male competition
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: is that women with a higher status or higher attractiveness
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: have less of an incentive to invest in other women
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: and enforce social isolation on a new competitor. That's the
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: second reason ignoring a new attractive coworker at the office
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: or something like that. And most of the studies around
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: this competition between women does suggest that women frequently judge
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: around looks. One study found that participants judged a woman
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: in sexy attire much more harshly than a woman in
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: a T shirt and jens and they were the same woman,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: just the groups were split up they largely ignored a
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: woman in the T shirt and gene so you can
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: be ignored or harshly judged. Greats. Yeah, and also promised cuty.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: Of course, we can't forget that pretty harsh judges, right,
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: of course. And this is guy be wondering about things.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Terms we use in our language like cat fight, which
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: is according to dictionary dot com, and intense fight our argument,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: especially between two women, and this was first used in
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: eighteen fifty four. Or similarly, if you look at caddie,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: dictionary dot com defines that as a subtle hostility and
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: an effort to hurt, annoy, or upset, particularly among women,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: and list bitchy as a synonym, which is also pretty
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: usually pretty directed towards women for what it's worth, which
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: is probably very little. Most actual cat fights are between
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: unutered male cats, which is right. Yes, thank you for
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: supporting me. If you're curious why women seem to have
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: this connection with cats, and you're probably curious why the
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: podcast is going in this way, but this is just
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: how my mind sometimes in our language, because there's cougars
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: and crazy cat Lady as well. There are a couple
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: of things at play, and one is cats. Are perceived
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: as being cunning, selfish, and the sounds they make less
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: aggressive than dogs, which is the animal they are most
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: usually compared to. On top of that, a paper out
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: of Brown University by Jennifer Lopez Rodriguez, looking into Spanish
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: and English metaphors for animals as women, came up with
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: this bit in a section called women as Pets. Within
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: the animal world, pets enjoy a privileged position. In fact,
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: pets are not conceived of as beast or burden, nor
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: are they killed for their meat or skin. On the contrary,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: pets share the same roof as their owners, and their
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: main function is to keep people company. This benevolent attitude
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: towards pets find its way into the English language, for
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: the very word pet is used as a term of endearment.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: So that's the cat aside for this episode.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: I like that, thank you for giving that information. I
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: know nothing about cats.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's move on from cats. I did want to mention,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: of course, not like other girls. We touch on that
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: a lot. Are people who say and I had a
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: friend who used to say this, even though I was
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: a friend. I don't make friends with other women. And
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: she would usually specify its because they were dramatic, or
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: they cost a lot of drama.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: All right, are the too or they were too jealous
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: of me? Or oh yeah yeah, or that the guys.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: She gets alone better with guys because you know, she
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: has some interests as guys.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: It's not enough, right, right, right, Yeah, we all probably
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: have those those people in our lives. And I think
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: you could look at pretty much any magazine cover for
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: an example of our society perpetuating this idea that women
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: do compete, right, We're all about cat fights. Like I
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: feel every time I'm checking out of the store these days,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I see something about Kate Middleton and Megan Markle fighting,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: you know, things like that.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: Of course they can't like each other, how dare they?
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's impossible, impossible. Well, we do have some examples
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: of good relationships women supporting women, so it is actually possible.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: But we have a quick break forward from our sponsor
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: and we're back, Thank you sponsor. And yeah, we did
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: want to share some examples, some positive examples, starting with actress.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: All right, I'm one of the things that I love,
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: and I remember the story with Jessica Chestain doing the
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: mini mini talks about wage gap in the celebrities slash
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: actress an actor world and the differentiation.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: She actually had a conversation.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: With Octavia Spencer doing one of the Women Breaking Barriers
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: panel in which they had a really frank discussion about
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: the wage gap when it came to gender, but Octavia
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: had kind of correct her. There's a gender gap when
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: it comes to wages, but there's also the race gap.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: So even though Jessica make it paid less, Octavia got
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: paid even less than her. And so as a way
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: of showing solidarity, Jessica helped negotiate for their next movie
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: a new salary for both of them, which was five
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: times more than.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: The original offer.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: WHOA right, And that's kind of like one of those
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: moments you're like, yes, finally, let's have this moment of
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: empowering each other by supporting each other for people who
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: can't maybe can't advocate for themselves. So when we had
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: this conversation with other white women advocating for women of color,
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: that's fantastic. Or for as cis women to come out
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: and advocate for those who are identifying as females are
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: not accepted, Like, it's such a big.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: And powerful way to do things.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: And I just love that story as we Yes, here's
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: one issue, but here's a deeper issue. But yeah, just
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: empowering each other and fighting for each other, which is awesome.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Yes. Another great example was the US Female the US
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Women gymnasts supporting each other during the Larry Nascer trial
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: and just you know, tweeting support or being there and
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: pretty much saying, you know, if you win the gold,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you. Like it was. It was
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: really it was a sad thing, but it was nice
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: to see them supporting each other.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, coming together as a real team and fighting this
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: huge issue, which is fantastic.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: And then there's tennis.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: It's tennis, and you know, I think I've spoken I have.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: I've spoken about Serena Williams before when she had that
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: argument with the ref and then having to come back
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: and apologize, but then the most recent match with her
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: at the Cincinnati Masters where she had to retire because
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: she got an it back injury. The scene after where
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Bianca and rescue and she are talking is such a
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: great encouraging, encouraging, supportive scene and Beianca's sitting there talking
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: with her and supporting her and get just encouraging about obviously,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: what do you say, is Serena Williams, who was just
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: a badass all together, but she comes into be like, hey,
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry this is happening, but thank you so much.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: You know, just the build up, even though they're competitors,
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: of like just truly being sportsmanlike and giving love to
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: each other.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Another thing that I found that I really liked. And
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: this is from someone who is generally a little wary
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: of social media. It takes a lot for me to
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: get on there. When Amna Saline tweeted about being at
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: a bar and receiving unwanted attention from some dude, a
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: woman she didn't know came up to her and pretend
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: to be her friend to get the manda to clear out,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: and he did. And so many women responded to that
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: tweet with similar stories of women supporting women.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: I love it just there being harassed on the streets
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: and coming in and swooping in and walking with them
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: to wherever next.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: I love those moments.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I do too. And then there's politics, like supporting running
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: for office, things like Emily's lists.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe being too optimistic at the beginning of this, however,
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: having moments of watching Warren and Harris taking pictures with
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: each other or standing up for each other, Gillie Brand
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: splitting her tissue with Harris during a debate, like stuff
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: like that, and then even the Vogue photo alone which
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: has them all together in a room in such a
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: strong man and united it makes me want to applaud.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: I'm like yeah.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: And then there was a conversation that happened in twenty
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: eighteen how it was really difficult for women to find
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: their space in politics as they're trying to represent themselves
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: because their voices seemingly are being drowned out. There are
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: these different stories of how Owen underwhelmed the female candidates
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: were and getting support from their Democratic Party and many
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: other running candidates had to create their own network a
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: support through other women who are also campaigning, which is
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: both disheartening and encouraging. I mean, there's hope and we
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: have to keep pushing forward, but the fact that they
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: had to create their own network to have some people
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: backing them, and they were all like on different opposing
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: seats and different levels, and yet through the campaigns or
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: through whatever they were trying to do. I think there
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: was a panel which brought a lot of women together
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: to talk about how they wanted to be how do
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: they wanted to run? And they started exchanging numbers and
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: cars because they knew they needed each other and they
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: created lifelong friendships essentially by supporting each other in this
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: moment where no one else kind of understood how this
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: difficult would be, how difficult this would be, especially right now,
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: and then the people who are supported supposed to support.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Them, they're not doing it.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: But you know, as sad as that is, women uplifting women,
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: it makes the huge difference.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: We've seen it. We've seen some good changes.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, and going back to what you said about
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: boys clubs and some we're at the end of the episode,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: we're going to get into this more. But some advice
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: I've seen is creating these spaces for women to make
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: those connections and to help support each other, even like
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: in companies and universities all over, and it's women taking
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: the initiative and saying we need this, let's make it
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: happen right, and we can help other women. Love that.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Another example we love is of a nice Lancte. She
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: escaped female genital mutilation and went on to say, fifteen
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: thousand girls in Kenya from the same procedure and helped
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: change how it is viewed, helping band mentioning the procedure
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: in Massi oral tradition. On top of that, she was
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: integral and creating a ceremony that celebrates the transition into
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: womanhood with singing and dancing and much more of a
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: positive thing. And whatever you think about Taylor Swift and
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: whether or not some of these things she's done are
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: like legit or marketing, she has made a show of
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: supporting other women, at first getting in fights with a
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: life of them, but then publicly apologizing, like with Nicki
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Minaj or Katy Perry. I guessed aloud when I was
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: watching that music video.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: And Katy Perry's did she really Yes, She's just a hamburger,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: I know. And I was like, well, you know, there
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: was a lot and I know you're not on social media,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: but there was a lot of like hints between them
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: sending each other all of wrench and I think cookies
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: were involved, which I would take cookies any day, which
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: is an apology.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: And then you know, Adele yes, like being so such
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: a big fan of Beyonce.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, how can you not be though true? Just respect, respect, respect.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: But it is nice to see and I like even
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: in Taylor Supposed to New Songs, she says something about,
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: like all you people on the internet, comparing, comparing all
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: of us, we figured out and we all got crowns.
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: That's right, back up, back up, you have a crown.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: You have a crown. Do you have a crown? I
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: wanted that crown from the party.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: And where was somebody at a party we were recently
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: at just wearing a crown the entire time. You were jealous,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: But he brought his.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: Own crown to be fair, he rocked it really well.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: He did. So now we know, always have a crown
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: on your person.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Yes in case, Yes, new new motto and the me
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: too era brought a lot of support for women with that.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: I believe her as a part of that as well,
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: for many of the women who still have to fight
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: to be believed. But watching all these different women and
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: even today, I see it when different things are rising
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: up in different issues or when different controversies have happened,
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: I'm still using. I believe her, and I see that
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: on many women are the ones that behind it.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: And it's a beautiful.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: Thing, even though sometimes it's said that it has to
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: be birth from such a nasty, nasty ordeal.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Another example is volunteering as abortion escorts. And
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: while I was researching this episode, I went down such
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: a girl supporting girls a rabbit hole and it was
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: so beautiful and I teared up.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: Love it.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Recently, we were at the airport and a random woman
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: came up and asked us if we were dancers our models,
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: because we were beautiful and had nice posture, and it
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: was the best.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: It really was.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: It was me, you and Lauren and having her to
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: come out of no where, because I first thought she
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: was going to just ask us a random question about
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: like boarding or something, right, and then she's like, are
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: you all dancers? You have such a good posture, And
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: I was like, this is us getting ready to leave,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: but thank you so very much.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: And it was so nice because it was so unexpected anyway,
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: because I.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: Didn't look like I was ready to dance on like
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: I'm like ready to go to sleep.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Now, I never underestimate the power of a knew
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: and compliment that it is not like looking to get
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: something else out of it.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: And that's the other thing. I think it's nice. If
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: you see something that is nice, it's gonna be awesome. Now,
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna says one hundred percent of the time,
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: but I know I've had many moments when someone complimented
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: my hair, complimented my outfit or whatever, and it's super well,
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: thank you. Of Course I always ended awkwardly because I'm
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: an awkward person, but I genuinely remember it from then on.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, that made me feel really nice.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's such an easy thing to do, easy
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: way to really brighten someone. Yeah.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Actually, this week when we went to do the podcast,
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: we did the panel and I came off and one
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: of our listeners came up and said hello and was
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: really encouraging, and I was like, that made.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: Me feel so good.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Thank you, because it was our first panel and I
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: think it went really well. But I was nervous at first.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: I was shake.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: Oh we all were, but you were just noticeable because
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: you had paper, and you had that paper.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: I was this nerd that came with the printed out doctor.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Well, you were more so you had to remember the questions, right.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: The rest of us got off Scott easy just being
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: like we're just going to answer your question blah blah blah.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that really meant a lot to have to
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: come up afterwards. We do also see this in our
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: media other than like magazine Couple Rise, but like Me
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: and Girls was one of the first things that came
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: to mind for me. But then there's also kind of
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: the more negative side, things like Real Housewives. Right.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: I was just thinking about like the traveling hood of
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: sister or something. Thank you.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: I knew there was something to do with that. But
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: the fact that they're actually friends in real life.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, like, I've never seen this movie. I had
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: to get the premise, and I think it's beautiful, but
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: I love that whole idea and for all of its faults,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: sex and the city, that's one of the things I
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: loved about it. And I wanted my core group of
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: friends to live together for the rest of our lives
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: and talk about our bad sex lives or good sex.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: Lives hopefully the Cosmo went hair, Yes.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: That's any kind of alcohol, to be honest. But then then, yeah,
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: you got the other one such as Heathers. I want
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: to throw it back the old school days where they
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: all try to kill each other. What have you ever seen, Heathers? No,
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: it's a good eighties, classic Christian Slater one on a
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: writer way back when, and it's this click of girls
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: named Heather. Oh, and then one girl Veronica, I think
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: it's her. It's one on his character, and they're all
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: very rich and very snobby people. And then they all
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: end up like slowly trying to kill each other. But
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: it turns out to be I won't throw it, I won't,
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: I won't ruin the plot for you quiz. You should
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: watch it. It's actually really fun.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: They all try to kill each other so they can
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: only be one Heather.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Well, there's a queen bee as it is, there's the
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: queen of it, and so everybody's kind of like stacking
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: to see who's the top. Okay, if I remember, it's
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: been a minute. But it's a good movie, okay, by
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: eighty standards. I need to put that as a preface,
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: because then you're like, oh, hell, there's a lot of
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: really big problems in this movie.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: By eighty standards, it was really good.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: You should watch it, and I'll see I see a
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: lot of people still dressing up with sol characters.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Oh really yeah huh. When I was thinking about this,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: I was trying to think of examples in my life
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: of this happening to me of women being like cruel
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: to me or me being cruel to women, And I
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: feel like for me, people were meanest to me when
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I was in middle school and then in early high school,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: and then in college I was I was. I don't
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: think I was ever purposefully. I just had some like
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: not like other girls, and I would kind of make
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: fun of women I saw competing for male attention in
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: a way that wasn't very kind. That was like my
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: freshman year of college. But I got out of it
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: pretty quickly because who had time for that?
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: And that's the thing that we're all taught this way
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: of life of like judging other women, and I did it,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: And sometimes I still have to check myself and be like,
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: why are you thinking that this is unnecessary? You're not
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: a judge or jury of any of these. Let people live.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: But it's so hard sometimes when it's ingrained in you
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: that you have to live by this and and the
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: only way to compare to see if you're living by
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: that standard is to compare to the other peoples again,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: because it's your own projection of what you should be,
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: and it's so absurd and it's very absolutely the patriarchs
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: that like taking us down, telling us we're trying to
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: all fight for second place because we're never going to
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: be number one. That's a white man, right right, and
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: so we're all trying to get the second spot. So
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: it's seemingly it's such an ugly, ugly idea, but it's
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: really hard to get past it. But progress is to
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: be able to check yourself.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that is ugly.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's some really good advice to kind of Okay,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: why am I thinking this? What's really going on? And
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: we have even more advice for you, But first we
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: have one last quick break for work from a sponsor,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: and we're back, Thank you sponsor. There is a lot
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: of write up write ups. There are a lot of
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: write ups excuse me, out there about women and how
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: to support other women, especially in professional settings. So if
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: this is something that's been on your mind or that
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: you would like to work on the internet is there
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: for you. So many things, but we do have some
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: that we want to include. One is making connections with
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: other women a priority. And this is something that I
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: have started doing, especially if I see like a woman
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: in a in a conference setting or something like, oh,
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: this woman is doing badass stuff. There aren't too many
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: other women in here.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go talk to her, right, I got
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: to finally meet the lady of stuff you missed in
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: history class, Tracy and Holly, and they've become my favorite people's.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: They're fantastic, they're hilarious, and they're just genuinely kind people
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: and it's rare to meet those kinds of people. So, yeah,
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: you gotta keep your eye out and be like, I
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: know you're going to be a valuable asset and I want.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: To be a part of your life.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And part of making things a priority, and this
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: was a huge lesson for me me is making time
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: for it and following up on it. Because it's easy
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: to get somebody's business card and then just move on.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: But if you if you really want to follow up
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: with somebody, then do that.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Then do that.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Be a mentor or a sponsor for other women. I
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: was a mentor in college and it was so so
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: so rewarding, right, it really really was. So I recommend
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: that and being available for anybody who is new in
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: your office or your professional whatever it might be, and
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: like say, hey, if you ever want to sit down
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: with some coffee and talk about things.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: I'm available any you're probably my mentor because I don't
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: know what the hell I'm doing.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Would you like to sit down with coffee and think
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: about things? Yes, okay, I would. Well, I know you,
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: but perhaps in most professional settings, start with coffee. Oh okay,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: recommend other women for jobs, and amplify the voices of
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: other women exactly. Search out women you admire, Consume things
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: created by women, Buy things made by women. Yeah. We
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: were recently at Dames and Dregs. Yes, and there was
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: an artist Stallitie that was all women, right, and my
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: friend bought a ton of She bought a lot of art. Yeah.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: And that's one of the things I liked about that festival.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: It's bringing out as many different women in different professions.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: We had different female DJs, which is fantastic. We had
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: those who identified as women doing performances, which was even
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: more wonderful. We had a lot of the breweries had
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: their female employees create their own beers to highlight their
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: brewery as well as their skills. And I think it's
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: fantastic to have something that you can actually just support
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: women and support their craft.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Then there's also being a role model for girls and
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: women and some examples I saw this was particularly in
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: the business sense, sit in front of sent in FRONTEP meetings,
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: speak up, encourage other women to speak up, Remind people
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: where an idea came from. And this was Samantha's ideas.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: All yeah, yeah, that's a big win.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: Awesome organizations that foster mentorship for women and girls and
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: those who identifies as such. And just a few of
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: those would be girls school she should run girls were
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: at camp smart Girls and also to add the Trevor Project,
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: Listen and trans Women of Color Collective. I think it's
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: better just to get bigger, bigger lists and just to
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: throw out and get highlight some of those good things
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: that's going on.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: M H and kind of going off of that, celebrating
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: and highlighting the successes and accomplishments of other women. Women
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: frequently don't get the credit they deserve. And if they
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: voice that they think they might be accust of bragging,
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: they probably actually will be accust of bagging. And there's
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: science behind that, that's not just me saying that. And
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm bragging all the time when I
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: talk about stuff I've done. And there is even a
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: quote in a newspaper somewhere of me saying how uncomfortable
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: I was doing the interview because I felt like I
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: was bragging. Really, yes, so it's pretty pervasive. So having
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: someone kind of do it for you or help you
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: celebrate or recognize those successes is great. If you find
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: yourself labeling a woman a shrill, bossy, bitchy, again, check yourself,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: ask why, find a specific example of them doing that
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: if there is one, and ask yourself if you would
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: feel the same way if it was a man that
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: had done it. Science shows that women not supporting other
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: women can lead to negative health outcomes and absenteeism at work,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: so this is a pretty big deal. In the words
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: of Metal and Albright, there is a special place in
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: hell for women who don't help other women.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And after reading so many articles about women who
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: don't like women, which is what we would talk about earlier,
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: or why women compete with women, it's pretty clear the
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: level of self hatred there is for these types of women.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: It seems like it's almost like it's brainwashing for women.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: The game is competing again, like for second pet place
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: behind men, so it's not that we'll ever so it's
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: kind of like, oh, we don't even try to compete
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: with men. We just got to compete with women and
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: that's the only way we can get ahead, which is
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: an absurd idea that's from way back when.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and a lot of articles I read and I
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: know this is it's gonna be controversial, bought up Pilly
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: Clinton and how when she was first lady her approval
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: rating was so high, and then when she tried running
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: for president, so and things like that. And I have
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: had female friends tell me that they dread working with
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: female bosses because they've had terrible experiences with female bosses
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: who treated women awfully. Right, So that makes my heart hurt.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: We should be helping each other.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Right, But I think it's just the same, Like I've
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: had really bad male bosses. That's the sad part is
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: that level of women they still are in the mind
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: of I got here because of I went out over
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: this other woman, right, And this is not always always
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: the case, but I think that's the old school idea
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: and it's still pretty prevalent, unfortunately, which has to be
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: completely diminished.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I I've also when I first got this job,
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: I was the only woman in the department and there
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: was a weird sense of like pride about that, like,
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm the only one and now I'm older
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: and wiser, and I'm so happy that the other women.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: I'm joying the department. But there is also kind of
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: that thing feeling like you're quote special, right, So, and
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: I also just want to say here, I am very,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: very very competitive. This isn't against like competition at all,
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: but it's for like healthy competition and also collaboration and
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: lifting up people where they deserve to be.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: And competition is not wrong.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: No, And again, the healthy competitions you talked about being
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: sportsmanlike is very very important. It's this detriment of like
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: all or nothing type of mentality of I've got to
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: be this completely and I must destroy in order. And
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: I don't think that's everyone, No, no, oh, absolutely don't.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: But I think that's the idea that whether it's the
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: patriarch saying you should be that way, or whether it's
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: women being taught this is the only way you know
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: that is that's a dangerous part. But yeah, there's good
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: competition and that's okay. We have plenty of competition when
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: it comes to feminist podcast.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: I love it, mm hmm, I love it.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, ah, yes, and we do have some some of
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: podcasts to shout out.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: So yeah, it's wild we're here with that.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: We want to shout out to the different people and
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: podcasts we adore because I think it's important to acknowledge
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: others that have been here with us or others are
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: continuing on good things and just being able to share. Hopefully,
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: we did listeners of some other types of women out there,
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: other types of some other women out there doing their
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: thing again ethnically ambiguous, which is fantastic.
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: Our own Anna Sharene she they do some amazing shows.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: And have some really great guests Bechdel Cast, which Annie,
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: you are a guest host on that talking about.
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: Marvel right, the Avengers, the Avengers.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: See I knew this.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: I listen to you.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course Savor, oh you know, oh you know
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: Savor Unladylike, which is the former host Caroline and Kristen,
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: and then of course our old host Emily who is
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: with bossed Up now, and then Bridget wonderful Bridget who's
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: working with afropunk and she has some huge projects.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: I follow her on the twitters. She got some big
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: stuff coming and love it.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: Unpopular with our own Ease, Female first ease stuff you
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: missed in history class, which I talked about.
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: Tracy and Holly are amazing. That's what she said.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Is another podcast we listen to as well. As I
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: want to give a shout out. When we released our
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: podcaster Imposter syndrome Women in the podcasting world gender gap,
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: we had why Blank Matters podcasts shout out to us like, hey,
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: we're here, so we want to acknowledge you. Hi, guys, thanks,
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: thanks for liking us or at least commenting on our stuff.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Hopefully that translates to it alike. But there are so
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: many women doing amazing stuff out there, and I can
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: say from my own experience now, not always, but now,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: I am very, very fortunate, lucky to have a wonderful
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: group of supportive women in my life. And it's so
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: so valuable. It is.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: And I've talked about how old I'm getting right now,
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: feel really old as I'm struggling on Mike, but you know,
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: as I'm approaching in forties, it's coming, y'all.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: It's coming. I'm not gonna tell you how soon.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: It's been amazing to look back at how I've collected
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: amazing women in my life who've supported me even getting
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: here and having a voice, or even going through the
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: social work world to be able to acknowledge some of
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: these ugliness and try to push forward with some of
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: the goodness. I'm not one of those people who've ever
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: been in relationships. That's never been a thing that I've
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: been in. I probably have a total of three relationships
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: and they didn't last very long.
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: So I'm very independent.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: But being independent meant I've always had a family, and
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: I chose to have a family, and it did a
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: lot of it was mainly just strong fe emails that
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: I needed to not only push me in a way
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: that challenged me, but also stop me when it was
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: obvious that I was going overboard, you know. And it's
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: really nice to have that kind of balance, that kind
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: of trust. And it's my family, you know. I don't
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: know if you've seen the episodes, if you've just seen
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: the show Pose and it's the FX Pose and it's
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: a fantastic series with transgender women in the eighties, women
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: of color, and how they create their own family after
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: being ostracized from the community, and how beautiful these women
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: are they come together and just are But that's what
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: we do we create family these from these levels, and
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: I think that's what we've done, what I've done with
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: these amazing group of girls. Like I do have my family,
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: but these these women that I have in my life,
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: they're my true family, the ones that I know will
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: come get me, come sit with me, come hug me, right.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: And it's a beautiful thing and it's so important. Like
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: I can't emphasize how important it is to have people
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: who understand you in a different manner. And I think
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: for women as well as people who are identifying as women,
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: having that female voice is fantastic.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I know a lot of listeners have written
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: in and expressed that they don't have that and they
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: really want that and that's hard. And just know that
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: it's taken us time to find that.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: Forties. Yeah, I'm hitting forties, y'all.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I know it's really difficult and it can
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: feel like it's never going to get any better, but
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: just keep trying. And there are certainly things that you
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: learn about yourself too as you get older that maybe
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: you had a friend at one time and then it
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: became a toxic friendship as you got older. There are
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: things like that happen, but I really hope that you
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: all find the us that we're talking about, and that
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: you have examples of women supporting other women, and that
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: you can go and do that thing, and if you have,
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: we would love to hear them from you. Yes, you
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: can email us at Stuffmedia, mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: or on Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: as always to our super producer Andrew Howard, and thanks
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: to you for listening. Stuff I Never Told You is
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: a protection of Iheartradios. How Stuff works. For more podcasts
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.