Latest / King Dems Podcast | Growth Mindset, Leadership, AI and Business Insights / Growth Mindset Wealth, AI & Wellness Strategies | Arlene Cohen Miller x Ademola Odewade

Transcript

Growth Mindset Wealth, AI & Wellness Strategies | Arlene Cohen Miller x Ademola Odewade · King Dems Podcast | Growth Mindset, Leadership, AI and Business Insights

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I just felt like, Oh my gosh, I'm in over my head.
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I can't do this. It took it was horrible.
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It was a really nasty experience, but I'm glad I have
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it because I really do understand how people feel when
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they start sharing that. And it sometimes it can take a
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while to dig ourselves out of that hole and just show
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ourselves step by step that I can do certain things and we
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just need to be kind, patient and tolerant with ourselves if
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that stuff comes up and put things in place where maybe we
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just take one small step forward at a time and then really
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acknowledge and celebrate those successes.
0:40
Welcome to the King Dems Podcast, where we share the
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stories of extraordinary people and dissect hot, relevant topics
0:47
that shape our world. From visionary leaders to
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trailblazing creatives, we uncover the mindset, strategy,
0:53
and grit behind greatness. Whether it's business, culture,
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or personal growth, we ask the real questions.
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This isn't just conversation, it's transformation.
1:02
The Kingdom's podcast, Your Next Breakthrough, starts here.
1:06
Music licencing reimagined. We alive ladies and gentlemen,
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you will once again welcome to the Kingdom's podcast and today
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I have with me a very, very special guest fighting out of
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Colorado United States of America.
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Make welcome Allen, the leadership coach Cohen and
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Beeler. How are you Allen A?
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Unique introduction. I'm I'm great.
1:38
Thank you. Well, for a moment you thought
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you were a fighter, you know. Seen some fights, some live
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ones, but yeah. Yeah, life.
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Life is a fight, you know, and people like you live in an
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elevation in Colorado. You guys are cheats.
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You guys have the cheats code of nature you have.
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You have stronger lungs. We do have strong lungs.
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Of course your cardio is better maybe thanks to the elevation.
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But Cord, why? Why you guys?
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But like, what is it like, you know, in terms of that
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elevation, you guys, you know, especially persons like yourself
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who have been privileged to have been an athlete at some point in
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your life and, you know, going down to to sea level.
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Well, I, I, we were talking about them.
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I do. I have a daily yoga practise
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now. I'm not running anymore, but I
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came out here and it takes your lungs about six weeks to get
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used to all of this, but you get you acclimated.
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And then you even though you're running slower here than you
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could in the Midwest to the South where I grew up, if you go
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back to visit and you run a race, it's like you're a minute
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fast or a mile. It's like you have wings on your
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feet. It was like the most amazing
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experience. And you know, I, I did enjoy,
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you know, coming up, coming to Colorado and doing races in the
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mountains and stuff like that. It's very challenging, but it's
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also fun. I mean, you just, you're so much
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oxygen and you feel like high on life.
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So, yeah, a lot of people come to Colorado to train for all
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kinds of sports. And you just get used to the
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elevation. Although I'm at the foothills of
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the Rocky Mountains. If I drive up, you know, to you
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can go up on a whole nother mile and you just start driving up
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there and you just, it's like your lungs expand and you feel
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so cool and it's so much quieter.
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And I love the mountains. So I feel very blessed to be
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here. Well, I call it the unfair
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advantage of elevation. It's unfair, you know, see what
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you want, see what you wish, but that's an unfair advantage.
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But anyways, you know, for the person who is on the elevation
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and of course, I think it's still even showing you, you look
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elevated at myself even in the fridge.
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You're still using the Colorado advantage even though the
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forecast. Why London?
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Is an amazing place so. We know, we know.
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Tell us about London. You've actually been to London
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before at like, how's your time in London?
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I really enjoyed it. I was always, I was always there
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in business, which so you had went to business meetings, but
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we always went to fun places. And I mean, I don't remember all
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the stuff we did. I and the food is different and
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interesting and I love, love, love, love your architecture
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because it's a much older place than the United States are nice.
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There's all different kinds of people there.
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Any kind of kind of person you want is there in England.
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So it's I find it a really interesting country to visit.
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And yeah, I've loved every time. Yeah, it's metropolitan in
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nature. You see people from every part
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of the world in London. And if you think the
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architecture in London is beautiful, go to Scotland.
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And of course, I think he you're going to see the Colorado of
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architecture over there. You know, it's, it's beautiful.
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But there are some places in, you know, they have really cool
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like, well, not in Colorado. I've been to where was it?
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It was in, it was in the West. And I, we went into some bar and
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they had the stools. They were at the bar were
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actually horse saddles. They had taken horse saddles and
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made them into bar stools. You get some really cool Western
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kind of stuff out here that you might not see, you know, in
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terms of architecture, help people decorate things.
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Then you know, in other parts of the world, not where people, you
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know, not their home, but maybe some restaurants and stuff in
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the mountains. It's just different.
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So we have our own little unique way of doing things as well.
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You know, Speaking of unique, you know, you have a unique band
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of experiences being an attorney, being a mentor, coach,
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being a speaker, being a CEO of, you know, Joel Coen Salton, see,
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but looking at everything you've been able to put together and of
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course, you are very passionate about achieving work life
5:56
balance. And you say that work life
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balance starts, you know, from within.
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I don't know if you can see what is written on my wall, but the
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very last two lines say beauty and strength come from within.
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So I can you elaborate, you know for us what does that really
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mean when you say that work life balance achieving it comes from
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from within? I also add the word harmony to
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it because balance to me feels like perfectionism.
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That can be too perfectionistic. But if you're harmonised it's
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it's a whole different thing. Well, I guess.
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Harmony. Does that come with a Symphony?
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I could, but I never put music in the background before, but
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that's something very, very interesting.
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I guess what I feel when it comes comes from within is like
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if you're calm, if you're aligned to love, if you're
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centred in your heart, if you're really grounded and fully
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present in your body and you let go of a bunch of stress and
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anxiety. You can have the same problems,
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you can have the same challenges.
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You can have all these things you have to do.
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But because you feel different inside, maybe more calm, more
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confident, more self assured, you're going to be coming from a
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from place to handle those tasks.
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So it's, you know, can people talk about like work life hacks
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and mom hacks and all these things that you can do to save
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your time. But if you're not different
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inside of yourself, you might have more free time, but you're
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still going to be maybe really anxious and overwhelmed during
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that time period. So I really believe we need to
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start with self-care and self love and taking care of
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ourselves inside so that we are coming from a different place.
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And if we start to get stressed, we need to take a time out like
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we would give to ourselves as kids or to our children and I
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don't know, get out of nature, do something else, breathe, come
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back, and then, you know, you'll see where you're at.
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I, I love what you said about going out into nature.
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I love nature. For me personally, you know,
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being in nature has a very, very therapeutic impact and effect on
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myself. Would you like to briefly talk
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about, you know, the impact of nature?
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But nature is like an energy like it's, it's like love and I
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don't know, compassion and all these energies because you go
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out and you're around beautiful trees or it depends what, what
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your world looks like. Your nature looks a little bit
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different than ours. You get a lot more rain than we
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do. But right now we've got a lot
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and everything's green and then the trees are blooming and so
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are the flowers. And you go up even higher in the
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mountains and it just feels different.
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And you have like taller, skinnier trees.
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And I don't know, there's something for me that when I'm
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in nature, it's like everything else falls away and it feels
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different. You know, in Colorado, you can
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take a hike on a trail and, you know, in the foothills and you
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can see the mountains everywhere and you can you can feel it.
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And I don't know, you, it just, I think that people who sit in
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front of their screens all day, you're really missing something.
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And we need to get kids back out of nature because you, you just
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feel more whole and, and you're more able to express and let
9:14
things out and run around. And I don't know, I just
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absolutely think it's one of the most healing gifts we have on
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this planet. Absolutely.
9:24
You know, Speaking of work life balance, what do you think are
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the common misconceptions that people have about work life
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balance? Well, I don't know what the
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common misconceptions are you're talking about, but I guess some
9:39
people like think, well, how can I ever be balanced?
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And you're right, that's why I add the word harmony in there
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because what we need in there is like that flexibility and
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adaptability, because things are always changing.
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You know, this week there might be this thing happening, next
9:54
week, there's that week happening.
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So we have to be flexible and adaptable.
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You know, the world is changing, our life is changing, We feel
10:01
different. So if we if we have this like
10:04
horse blinders on that things have to be a certain way to be
10:07
balanced, we're going to be upset and unhappy.
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So I think when we bring that flexibility and adaptability and
10:13
able to go with the flow and move with the motion, set our
10:17
priorities, we have realistic expectations.
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A lot of people have ridiculous expectations like I can get done
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and one day what normally take a week, well, that's not going to
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work and you're going to feel bad about yourself.
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A lot of the things, a lot of the pressures I think we put on
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ourselves raise a hand. I used to do that to myself all
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the time like that To Do List. So yeah, I just got to step back
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and go, is this really kind and patient?
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Is this really kind to myself? Can I be patient and tolerant
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with myself as well? And so I guess that's what I
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have to say because I don't know exactly what you mean.
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What people say about work life balance.
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I don't know what everyone says but.
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It's, you know, it's different things to different people.
10:59
It's different things to different people.
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But you know, in terms of you talking about expectations just
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made me remember something someone told me and this person
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said, have you ever heard of the beatitudes of expectations?
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I have not. OK, do you want me to tell you?
11:16
Sure, go ahead. That's going to cost you $1000.
11:21
Don't worry, I'll tell you. I'll give you the invoice, you
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know, I'll send you the invoice. Great.
11:26
I'll send it to you to dual, to dual consultancy.
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You know other person. As I said, blessed are those who
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are expectant of nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.
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Well. That's beautiful.
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I think I've heard that before, but I just didn't remember that.
11:42
That's lovely. Yeah, so, so are you trying to
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cut your invoice in half? You know, let's help it out.
11:51
Always say on this show, and it's a very, very big part of my
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identity, I always say that gratitude is good attitude, you
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know, and you talk about gratitude and work life balance
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intersecting in creating harmony in our lives.
12:07
So how does that actually work? Well, if anyone ever has a
12:13
gratitude practise, because it's not, it's a feeling thing, not a
12:15
thinking thing. When we're really grateful
12:18
people are those goes well, I'm waiting for something to be
12:20
grateful for. We'll take a look at all the
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things you already have manifested for yourself in your
12:26
life. Have a comfortable bed to sleep
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in. Do you have a roof over your
12:29
head? Do you have hot water?
12:31
Do you have food in your pantry, in your fridge?
12:33
You know, we are with manifesting, we've already
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manifested so many amazing things in our life just to take
12:39
care of ourselves. And so for me, gratitude is like
12:43
just being fully present in my life and paying attention to
12:47
what's going on. Because all these little things
12:50
happen every day in our lives and we just sort of like ignore
12:54
them or blow them off. And we'll have one focus and
12:56
we're not really aware of all these beautiful things we can be
12:59
grateful for. You know, maybe when I step
13:02
outside today in my Little Red Riding Hood raincoat because
13:04
it's raining out, you know, I can be grateful that it's
13:07
raining in Colorado. We don't get a lot of rain.
13:09
It's very green here right now. It's going to help to have a
13:12
beautiful spring. The yard that I live in, they
13:15
have, we have Peach trees and all kinds of amazing fruit
13:18
trees. It's going to really help them
13:20
to bloom and grow and have amazing fruit this year.
13:22
So you can just stop and appreciate, you know, the little
13:26
things that can even be, you're driving your car and someone
13:29
lets you in. You know, it's traffic.
13:31
There's just so many little things that happen every day,
13:35
and when we take the time to really feel grateful for them,
13:39
it changes our whole outlook because gratitude is a really
13:42
high vibration, sacred quality. It sort of expands you out so
13:46
your heart is bigger and you have a lot more room to be who
13:51
you are. You know, let's say little
13:56
hinges swing huge doors. And he talked about being
14:00
grateful, especially about the little things.
14:03
That reminds me of Bob Marley's song.
14:05
Don't worry about a thing, that every little thing will be OK or
14:09
is it alright or something? You know, there's this joke on
14:12
social media when somebody said people complain a lot about the
14:16
big things. Didn't he hear Bob Marley?
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Bob Marley said every little thing will be OK.
14:20
He did not say every big thing, Right.
14:24
Yeah. Yeah.
14:24
You know, every every little thing.
14:28
You listen to and you're smiling because it's just like, this is
14:31
sort of. It's a great song.
14:34
Yeah, very, very great song. And of course, you know, that
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guy was a great philosopher, you know, musical philosopher.
14:40
Basically. You know what you're talking
14:43
about work life balance. It's also involves, you know,
14:49
escaping that, that feeling of being overwhelmed, right?
14:53
So whenever you feel overwhelmed, what's your goal?
14:58
To practise, to recenter yourself.
15:02
I do breath work and I just and I really.
15:06
I love breath work. Yeah, because it can be super
15:08
duper simple. Because physiologically, if
15:11
we're overwhelmed and stressed, we're physiologically like in
15:15
fight or flight and all you have to do in order to go back into
15:19
rest and relax mode. I mean, there's all kinds of
15:21
breathing techniques. The easiest one is because you
15:24
have to breathe everywhere and no one can will even notice
15:26
you're doing this is just to like to breathe in through your
15:29
nose, breathe out through your nose and have the out breath
15:32
longer than the in breath. And you just do it as long as
15:35
you need. Someone might be blah, blah,
15:37
blah, blah, blah. You just listening or or you're
15:40
driving your car or you're standing in line somewhere.
15:42
You might as well if you feel stressed, practise these kind of
15:46
this kind of really simple breathing technique.
15:49
It just calms you down. And the other thing I like to do
15:53
with the breath work is grounding.
15:55
And I know it sounds weird, but I just pretend like I'm a tree.
16:00
And I can feel like from my heart centre, there's this
16:02
column of light going down my body, down my legs, out my feet.
16:06
And when it comes out my feet, I have like roots of light, like a
16:10
tree, and it anchors deep into the heart of the planet.
16:13
And I can really feel myself being pulled into my body.
16:16
And it sort of makes me more solid and fully present here
16:19
now. And it just helps me to go.
16:22
I'm more here, you know, I'm breathing, I'm letting go.
16:25
I'm going into that rest and relax mode.
16:27
I'm really grounded in here and present.
16:29
So I can be really present in this moment, not worrying about
16:32
the future or thinking about the fat past, whether it's
16:35
remorseful or, you know, things that I love to do.
16:38
And just when I'm really, when we're really fully present here
16:41
now it's a lot easier to be more relaxed.
16:48
I like that and you know that very much.
16:51
Links to awareness, you know that self-awareness is actually
16:56
very, very important alter important.
17:00
I think a lot of people do not give it the the attention, you
17:04
know, that it deserves or awarenesses, you know, are
17:09
pretty pretty much important. And are you able to, you know,
17:12
share like a practical real life story of somebody who was able
17:18
to achieve transformation, you know, especially some of the
17:22
someone that you have had the privilege of coaching, you know,
17:25
who was able to improve on their awareness and also be calm, you
17:34
know, able to overcome burnout and stress.
17:39
Yeah, Well, I think the really cool thing that we do is that
17:42
we've that I learned as a coach, and I'm assuming most coaches
17:45
learn this is the presence that we hold for our clients is
17:48
everything. So like I was trained, I sort of
17:52
knew how to do it, but I didn't really know how to talk about
17:54
it. But my coaching training gave it
17:56
to me. And it's like what we do is we
17:58
hold this really big like judgement free space of
18:01
unconditional positive regard. It's really just unconditional
18:04
love. So we're just anything is
18:05
possible in this space. So that when people, what people
18:08
appreciate is that lots of sometimes if you're having a
18:11
conversation with somebody, all they're doing is thinking about
18:15
what they're going to say to bring the conversation back to
18:17
them instead of like really being open to holding a space
18:21
and exploring with with the person.
18:23
So first and foremost, it's really important that we hold
18:27
that space for the people that we're working with.
18:29
And yeah, there's been so many different examples.
18:34
I guess one example was a really lovely woman, I just adored her
18:39
and she had two teenage sons and she was really having trouble at
18:43
home with them and she was doing really great at work.
18:46
She was not self-employed, she was working for some other
18:49
people. But as we were going through
18:52
working together, what I what, what was coming out was that she
18:58
was, she was like working under a bunch of different people.
19:01
So she was going into people please remote and kind of being
19:05
a doormat and taking on a lot more than what she could handle.
19:09
So she felt like she had no power at work.
19:14
And but at home, you know, her, her sons were both like 14 and
19:19
15. And so they weren't adults.
19:22
She was a king of the roost. I think her mother was living
19:24
there with them as well. And she was really being
19:27
unreasonable with them. You know, they, they wanted to
19:30
get a dog and she wouldn't let them get a dog.
19:33
And her reasoning was like really out there.
19:35
And so I guess it wasn't that I said anything or did anything,
19:40
but I gave her a big enough space that she was talking about
19:43
all of this stuff that was happening at home and talking
19:46
about all the stuff that's happening, working.
19:48
It began to dawn on her what was going on and why there was that
19:52
imbalance, why there was that lack of harmony within her
19:56
because of how she was like allowing herself to take on too
19:59
much at work and then coming home and being like more of a
20:02
tyrant with her beautiful sons. And she just had this
20:05
realisation. It wasn't like I asked her any.
20:08
I did ask her empowering questions.
20:10
But I really feel that sometimes when people have the opportunity
20:14
to really share. And hear themselves talk and
20:17
maybe have some things that are for reflected back to them.
20:20
Like this is what you just said, you know, how does that sit with
20:23
you? Or this is what I'm feeling or
20:24
experiencing because of what you've just been sharing with
20:28
me. How does that work or not?
20:29
And they can come to a different space.
20:31
And she eventually just popped in one day to a session and
20:35
went, we're getting a dog. All of her reasons sort of a
20:38
dissipated and she sort of realised that, Oh my God, I am
20:41
pushing away the people that I love the most because of what
20:46
I'm experiencing at work. And it was kind of flip flopping
20:49
and I, I was really surprised. I didn't think she was ever
20:52
going to come to that realisation.
20:53
But it really it gave me a real respect for the coaching process
20:57
because I know that I do a lot better with stepping forward
21:02
with things in my life. If I come to my own knowing
21:04
versus someone saying you have to do this, I don't do really
21:08
well with that and I don't think most people do as well.
21:11
So she found her own balance or beginning to find it by really
21:15
seeing what kind of behaviour she needed to change within
21:18
herself. And that made a huge difference
21:20
for her, her both personally and professionally, because she
21:23
started saying no when she just, she was up to here and couldn't
21:26
take any more at work and they had to adjust a little bit.
21:29
But you know, she was doing way more than her share.
21:34
I'd just like to say the activity doesn't necessarily
21:36
generate productivity. The emphasis of a lot of people
21:40
is on activity and too much activity tends to lead to
21:44
burnout, you know, and of course that affects mental health in a
21:49
negative way. Talking about these activity
21:52
that would, I say people that are activity centric, how do you
21:56
deal with them? Course, basically the work that
21:59
you do helps people's mental health.
22:03
So how do you achieve a transformation of mindsets for
22:09
people? Well, I think it's, it comes
22:11
back to the awareness that you're talking about because
22:14
lots of times, I mean, when I was younger, I had some really
22:18
weird ideas. You know, I thought that if I
22:20
just complained about everything to my girlfriends, that's that's
22:23
how we bonded. But actually you're just
22:25
focusing all the on all the negative in your life and that
22:27
doesn't help at all. So, you know, it just what we're
22:32
doing is we're helping people to be aware of how they're talking
22:36
to themselves, aware of how that's affecting what they're
22:39
doing in their life so that we can begin to ask some powerful
22:43
questions of wow, does that really work for you or not?
22:47
Or, or how if you had could wave a little magic wand, how would
22:50
you like to do things differently?
22:51
And so once they become aware of all this activity and goings on
22:55
in their life and maybe one to step back, you know, I can't
22:59
change anybody. If they, they feel that they
23:01
have to be hyperactive all the time and really avoid seeing
23:04
themselves or getting to know themselves better.
23:06
I can't make them change. But oftentimes people will come
23:10
to us because it's too much and they don't really realise how
23:13
much it is too much. And, and the impact this
23:15
happening on the all their frenetic behaviour and running
23:18
around, it comes down to helping them become aware.
23:22
And once they're aware, you know, what do you want to do
23:24
with that? You know, how is that working
23:27
for you or not? And I guess it's starting to
23:29
explore it like that. You know, you talk about how
23:33
crucial it is to celebrate our wings, even the small ones that
23:37
are regularly. So why is it important?
23:42
Because if we're waiting like to be a big speaker on a huge day
23:47
to write the most popular book in the world, and that's our
23:50
criteria, we're not going to have anything to be grateful
23:53
for. To acknowledge ourselves for, to
23:55
really create that foundation for ourselves in our life and
24:00
build that foundation of gratitude and build that
24:02
foundation for what we actually our bigger goals and ideas.
24:06
It's super important to acknowledge our little wins and
24:09
victories along the way because when we do that, we bring in
24:13
gratitude, we bring in self acceptance.
24:16
It's not a hard thing to do. And a lot of people need to let
24:20
go of the feeling that that's a selfish thing to do, that simple
24:23
kind of self-care. Because it can be as simple as I
24:28
really don't want to get on the phone with this person or I
24:30
really don't want to write this report.
24:32
But we decide, OK, look, I'm going to do this first thing.
24:36
That's the first thing I'm going to do because I really don't
24:38
want to do it. I'm going to give it 110% of
24:40
myself. I'm going to have a conversation
24:42
to the best of my ability or I'm going to write the best report
24:45
that I'm going to do. And when I'm done, I'm going to
24:48
congratulate myself. You know, I did the best I
24:51
could, job well done. I'm going to acknowledge that,
24:54
maybe have a do a little happy dance, have some success.
24:58
All that builds that foundation for being in more love and less
25:05
fear. It's really that simple.
25:06
And when we're experiencing more love and we're taking care of
25:10
ourselves like that, we're going to feel different about
25:12
ourselves and naturally be more productive.
25:15
And of course we're going to be able to give ourselves breaks
25:17
because we did a good job. You know, I need a 5 or 10
25:20
minute break. Job well done, and I'm going to
25:23
come back and do some more. I don't know if that makes
25:26
sense, but I've been practising in it and the people that I know
25:29
that do practise it, they seem to have a lot more joy in their
25:34
lives. So Speaking of more joy, what
25:38
are your thoughts, You know, positive affirmations in terms
25:41
of our bring in more joy into people's lives.
25:45
Affirmations are wonderful. I mean, there's many ways we can
25:48
do that, but I guess one way we can do that, one way I do that
25:53
is like if I make a mistake, I go, that's not like me, I'll do
25:57
better next time. If I do something where it's
26:00
that's really cool, I'm like, I'll have more of that.
26:02
That's more like me or you can just have a, a simple
26:05
affirmation like I am worthy of love, I am worthy of success.
26:09
And if we say them and we repeat them over and over again and
26:13
that's what we're focusing on, we're going to get more of that.
26:16
And if something yap, yap, yes, it doesn't says that's not true.
26:19
Well, this is what I'm choosing to create for myself.
26:22
This is who I'm choosing to be. And eventually we're going to
26:25
end up believing it, hopefully. But it is a wonderful start to
26:29
use affirmations. There's there's many ways that
26:31
we can work with increasing that joy and that is certainly one of
26:34
them. So what?
26:37
What practical tips can you share about transforming our
26:41
inner critic into an empowering inner coach?
26:46
Well, first of all, well, of course, we have to be aware that
26:49
we do have an inner critic. I wasn't aware of that for a
26:53
while. I found that blah, blah, blah in
26:54
my head was just who I was. That's not who I am.
26:58
You know, like I'm a soul having this human experience in this
27:01
body and that blah, blah, blah in my head.
27:04
That's a pattern and programme that I created so I can create
27:09
it. And one of the ways that we can
27:11
practise dissolving that inner critic.
27:14
And maybe it will never completely go, but at least
27:16
we'll be aware when it's yapping in our ears and say no thank
27:20
you. We're buckling up in the back
27:21
seat of the car and the inner coach that I am is in the
27:24
driver's seat. And so when we hear that inner
27:27
coach, or even when we don't, well, I guess if you're hearing
27:31
the inner critic, I'm sorry. What we can do is like, OK, if
27:34
someone was talking to me and they were telling me all this
27:38
stuff that they that's going bad in their life and what's
27:41
happening wrong and how hard it is and how stressed out they
27:44
are. Most of us, if we were dealing
27:46
with a friend or someone we care about, we would nurture them.
27:49
We would support them, we would listen to them, we would
27:52
champion them. If they had their head in a
27:54
really dark place, we might say, look, you're really taking a
27:58
deep dive into something that's not working for you.
28:01
You know, I think you need to pull your head out and let's
28:04
look at this a little bit differently.
28:05
So we already know how to do that.
28:08
We already know how to do that. So we don't have to learn, learn
28:10
anything new. All's we have to do is like turn
28:13
around and begin to give that same kind of coaching to
28:17
ourselves. And at first it can feel like
28:20
really imposter syndrome or we're a fraud, but we just keep.
28:24
Read my mind. He did read my mind because I
28:27
was going to ask you about impulsive syndrome.
28:30
Like, have you dealt with people who struggle with, you know,
28:35
impulsive syndrome and like, what is the practical, you know,
28:40
way to, to overcome it? Yeah, I think, I think everyone
28:44
has a little bit of imposter syndrome in them, you know,
28:46
because like we might feel really confident like here, but
28:50
we step up to a next level and we have more responsibility and
28:53
then we're going, I don't know if I can do this.
28:55
So I think everyone has a little bit of that kind of stuff going
28:58
on for them. And I just think the first thing
29:01
and thing we need to do is not try to tell people you can't do
29:03
that, that's not real, is go wow, you know, I hear that you
29:08
really, this is how you feel. All your feelings are valid.
29:12
All of our feelings are valid. They might not be the truth, but
29:15
they're absolutely valid. And so how can we love the
29:18
bidding you that feels this way? Because often maybe it's a child
29:24
or a teenager or something in us that just feels like, you know,
29:28
this, this is too hard. And oftentimes it's just a
29:31
matter of loving those bits inside of ourselves that got
29:36
stuck somewhere or we didn't like their behaviour and we just
29:39
really have to to love them. And I actually had an experience
29:43
like that my first year of law school.
29:45
I just felt like, Oh my gosh, I'm in over my head.
29:47
I can't do this. It took, it was horrible.
29:50
It was a really nasty experience, but I'm glad I have
29:53
it because I really do understand how people feel when
29:58
they start sharing that. And it's sometimes it can take a
30:01
while to dig ourselves out of that hole and just show
30:04
ourselves step by step that I can do certain things and we
30:09
just need to be kind, patient and tolerant with ourselves if
30:11
that stuff comes up and put things in place where maybe we
30:16
just take one small step forward at a time and then really
30:20
acknowledge and celebrate those successes.
30:22
So we're coming back to, you know, to what I was previously
30:25
talking about. And it's important not to negate
30:27
somebody if they're saying that this is how I feel because their
30:31
feelings are valid. And we just have to work with
30:34
taking small steps forward so that their self esteem can
30:37
expand and they can actually see on the ground things that
30:41
they're doing that they can acknowledge and celebrate and
30:45
begin to whittle away and dissolve that imposter syndrome
30:48
feeling. What are an interesting take the
30:52
next theme that you know that you talk about, that I want to
30:55
talk about is, you know, creating strong boundaries.
30:58
How does creating strong boundaries contribute to
31:01
personal and professional success?
31:04
Well, if I don't have small strong boundaries like I didn't
31:07
when I was younger, that would mean that it could be a couple
31:10
of things. You know, there's for me,
31:11
there's boundaries are like an actual physical thing, but
31:14
they're also more of an energetic thing as well.
31:17
So if I am allowing people to push me around and tell me what
31:23
to do and I'm not valuing and honouring myself, then I'm going
31:27
to start contracting and playing small.
31:29
And so, but if I am filling myself up with love, if I'm
31:34
engaging in self-care, that I'm going to be more expanded, I'm
31:38
going to have more to give to people and I'm going to and then
31:41
I'm going to have stronger boundaries because I really feel
31:44
like there's there's people in this world who like to come and
31:49
talk to us. I don't want to be my wife
31:51
anymore, but all they want to do is complain about everything and
31:54
dump all their negativity in my energy field and your.
31:59
Energy feel, no vibration. And they walk away feeling
32:02
great. And we walk and we walk away
32:04
feeling horrible. Or I've had people, because I
32:08
can be a very giving and kind person, I'm sure you can too,
32:11
who come and they, they might not even be conscious of it, but
32:15
they want to be with us because maybe we're more positive, more
32:19
open, more kind than they are. And they want to come and suck
32:22
our energy even. More generous.
32:25
With that, walk away and great and we're going to feel like
32:28
crap. And so the only thing that we
32:30
can clear within ourselves is our own stuff.
32:32
You know, I can't clear anybody else's stuff.
32:35
So I work with it on a very energetic basis.
32:39
You know, I'll like put a beautiful golden bubble of
32:41
protection around myself and then and just affirm that I am
32:45
only open to energies that are about love.
32:48
If it's not about love and someone's sending that to me,
32:51
it's going to go right to them. But if I'm doing them a favour
32:59
because if someone tries to negativity in my field, they
33:03
came here to learn how to do something differently.
33:06
And so they're they're not going to be able to get that lesson
33:09
because it's in my energy field. I can't do anything with it.
33:13
I can only evolve and grow with what I came in here to clear and
33:16
heal. So actually I'm doing a very
33:18
kindness by setting it back, even though they probably won't
33:21
like it. But you know, that's so
33:23
energetically, it's like these are my boundaries.
33:26
My boundaries are about love. You can't dump field in my
33:30
energy field. And if you do, I'm going to send
33:32
it back to you, even if I even care for you.
33:35
And I think one of the most, the hardest things for me to learn
33:39
was I had to have those same kind of boundaries for the
33:42
people I love, my family, because for a while I had no
33:45
boundaries with them because I thought that that was that I
33:48
couldn't love them or they wouldn't feel my love.
33:51
They'll feel my love because I'll be more filled up with love
33:53
to be kind and compassionate with them.
33:56
If I have those energetic boundaries.
33:58
And I say, that's not, that's not cool.
34:00
You can't do that. I might not use the words, but
34:02
they can feel it. Your energetic boundaries are
34:08
now more like a mathematical boundary.
34:11
Of course, negative multiplied by negative is equal to
34:14
positive. So are you heating their
34:18
negative with the negative or on your boundaries so that they can
34:21
bounce back and become positive? I don't really understand
34:25
negative. Negative equals the positive.
34:27
But to me, I'm being, you know, it's, it's a kindness to them.
34:32
And even if they don't want to experience it, because if I'm
34:35
not taking on their negative stuff, I'm going to be able to
34:37
be more kind and compassionate and filled with love to support
34:40
them. And it's not my job to take on
34:43
other people's stuff. You know, it's it's that's why,
34:46
Why? What?
34:47
It's above your pay grade. Pardon me, I said.
34:50
ET is above your pay grade. I get, well, maybe I don't know,
34:54
I'm just doing the best I can with what I got.
34:56
I don't make any sort of claims. You know your meditation
35:00
facilitator, you know for the benefit of those people watching
35:05
us or listening to us right now, our audience.
35:08
So what simple techniques can they start to practise right
35:13
away to reduce stress? A really simple technique that
35:16
you can use is like a body scan and you can put on like really
35:20
some music that you love that's really soothing and calm.
35:23
You might want to just lie down on your bed or something
35:25
comfortable. And basically what you're doing
35:27
is you're just breathing and you're like relaxing the muscles
35:31
of your body from the top of your head to the bottom of your
35:34
toes. And you're just letting you like
35:36
your shoulders drop. And maybe you're moving around
35:38
your head and your neck and you're just, to the best of your
35:41
ability, you're just letting everything relax.
35:43
And so you maybe you might breathe in and breathe out as
35:46
you're letting, allowing these muscles to relax.
35:48
And maybe you might have some really tense spots.
35:51
A lot of people have the neck and shoulder stuff or sometimes
35:54
you get like a big knot right in your solar plexus.
35:56
If you're all stressed, you can just feel those or visualise
35:59
them dissolving and just letting it go.
36:02
And maybe you're just breathing in gratitude, breathing out
36:06
what's not working for you. And so by relaxing our body from
36:10
the top of our head to the bottom of our toes or from the
36:12
bottom of our toes to the top of our head, and breathing while
36:15
we're listening to music that we really love.
36:17
So it wouldn't be heavy metal, it would be something relaxing
36:21
or whatever I like makes your heart sing.
36:24
It is a very simple way to let go of stress and a very simple
36:28
way to just be more centred in our hearts.
36:33
You know, it's interesting how you move from the practise of
36:36
law to coaching and mentoring. I'm quite curious about what
36:40
inspired this shift in career and do you think you have been
36:46
able to apply any transferable skills from law to this new
36:51
pathway? Well, yes, I have transferable
36:53
skills. I mean, I other people ask me
36:55
this question a lot and I feel like every single experience,
36:59
every single job that we have all contributes to who we are
37:03
now and we can use all those skills and abilities if we so
37:06
choose. So I mean, the law taught me how
37:08
to negotiate and how to settle things and how to work with
37:12
people and how to, I was in a lot of leadership positions in a
37:15
national organisation because of it.
37:17
So how to lead and just how to, I guess, interact with all kinds
37:22
of people because that's what I did.
37:24
And so I'm really grateful for that.
37:27
So I think the skills are very transferable.
37:30
It's, it's like it's a part of who I am.
37:32
So it wasn't like I had to give something up to, to be a coach
37:36
or a mentor or to learn meditation.
37:39
I think those kind of gifts and skills just enhanced my personal
37:43
experience in my life. And I, I hope that everybody
37:46
that has a lot of different skills or abilities that they
37:48
feel the same way because it's, it's all contributes to the
37:51
whole of who we. Are it's all important in the
37:55
grand scheme of things and you know, Speaking of people out
37:59
there, what advice do you have for people that feel stuck on on
38:04
life's hamster wheel and are looking for a change and what
38:08
would you advise them practically?
38:10
You know, I, I would. I've I've felt that way before
38:14
and they didn't have coaches like me back that I went to
38:16
counselling. Been there, done that.
38:19
So, you know, it really depends, it really, if you really feel
38:23
like you're going around in circles and you don't know how
38:25
to get off, you know, I could give you some pat answers, but
38:28
think they might not help. Sometimes I feel it's really
38:31
important to get some outside help or maybe just join a group
38:35
of people of like minded souls, I call it, where we all have
38:38
sort of the same kind of maybe different things that we're
38:41
moving towards, but we're all moving towards changing and
38:43
evolving and growing somewhere in our life.
38:46
I find it's a much easier to let go of stuff and step into the
38:50
new if I'm working in a group and I still work in mentoring
38:53
groups where I'm a part of that group can feel it's really,
38:56
really powerful and it's something that I like to
38:59
facilitate for other people. I do a couple of mentoring
39:02
groups, one in line and one on person most weeks.
39:05
And if you are on that hamster willing and you just want to
39:08
begin to get off, maybe one way could be even just we haven't
39:12
talked about this yet is creative visualisation where you
39:16
just really, you know what, what would be a next beautiful step
39:19
to have in my life? And maybe it's a new job, maybe
39:23
it's, you know, a new relationship, maybe it's a new
39:25
place to live. Maybe it's just my house is a
39:27
mess and I wanted to be all cleaned up and beautiful.
39:30
Just begin everyday to visualise and affirm that that's that's
39:33
your reality now, not in the future right now and feel and
39:37
see it. And that could be a beginning
39:38
first step, as long as you stick with it.
39:41
You know, sometimes we get an inspiration and we want to do
39:44
it. And that's why I was
39:45
recommending groups because, you know, the groups or even having
39:49
one accountability buddy that we're doing it with, you know,
39:52
can help us continue to move forward when it's not so glitter
39:56
and amazing anymore. You know, and I can actually say
40:00
iron, sharpened iron, yeah. That's that motivation that
40:03
comes with, you know, operating in in groups.
40:06
Teamwork makes the dream work. It's lovely.
40:09
I like that one, I said. Well, I haven't read that
40:12
before. Oh wow, for me to you.
40:15
You take that at a Crest, you use it.
40:18
Work. I'm not going to forget that.
40:21
Great at a Crest so they said to use it in sky high Colorado.
40:25
I will. I will.
40:28
You know, I'd like to talk about the different types of mindsets,
40:32
but for me, I think like the two two major mindsets are the the
40:36
growth mindset and the fixed mindset.
40:39
So people with a fixed mindset are find a difficult to achieve
40:45
growth, right? Of course the the are not open
40:51
minded, their minds are not open to the elements, the learnings
40:56
that can help them to achieve growth.
40:58
And of course we all know that growth is a painful process,
41:02
right? So.
41:03
Sometimes it's joyful as possible.
41:07
You know, there was a guest on my show who talked about pain,
41:10
purpose and power. You know, in life we first
41:13
experienced pain and of course the pain helps us to achieve, to
41:17
discover our purpose. And once we discover our
41:19
purpose, you know, we now have that joyful realisation of the
41:23
power, you know, that exists, that within us.
41:27
Another guest, you know, once said adversity introduces a man
41:31
to himself and the current UFC featherweight champion,
41:34
Alexander Vulcanovski, having been defeated twice, you know,
41:39
in his previous fights and it came back to to win the title,
41:43
He said adversity is a privilege.
41:45
And I very, very much resonate with that.
41:47
So are you able to share one powerful mindset shift that
41:51
significantly changed your own life?
41:55
Yeah, I guess I was sort of referring to that before, like
41:59
when I was in my 20s, I didn't even realise how I was talking
42:02
to myself. And once I realised, Oh my God.
42:06
And then once I realised how I was just negatively talking to
42:10
my friends about things in my life that weren't really that
42:13
negative. I just, I thought that was how
42:15
you bonded. And then I noticed that a lot of
42:17
the girlfriends I had, they would call and they want to dump
42:20
on me and talk about all their negative stuff.
42:22
And I thought this is ridiculous, this is not working
42:26
and I just decided to change. And IA dear friend came into my
42:30
life at that time and she was just an amazing woman.
42:32
She had been through a bad marriage and I helped to get her
42:36
divorce and we became really good friends and she just taught
42:39
me so much. She was really, you know, like
42:42
my first kind of mentor and I really learned, you know, kind
42:46
of that law of attraction stuff. You know, what we focus on is
42:49
what we create more of in our life.
42:51
And I'm like, wow, you know, I really need to change what I'm
42:54
focusing on. I really need to change how I
42:57
talk to myself. And then as I started playing
42:59
with that, it wasn't like, you know, magic fury.
43:01
Does it happen right away? I had to practise and practise
43:04
and practise and practise and ask my close friends.
43:07
I said, if I start talking that old negative way, please remind
43:12
me. And I found that when I was most
43:14
asleep was sometimes when I was driving the car that blah, blah,
43:17
blah stuff would come back again and that would be, and it'd take
43:21
me a while to recognise that now I'm much quicker.
43:23
That's like, no, we're not doing that anymore.
43:26
So I guess it was just a decision, you know, because I
43:29
was like kind of mortified that what I was doing and that how
43:33
that was, was affecting what I created for myself in my life
43:36
more that negative stuff. It's just going to be like a
43:40
practise makes permanent. You know, when we decide that I
43:43
want to have a more positive mindset, I'm noticing I'm
43:46
focusing on all this negative stuff and it's dragging me down
43:49
again, the accountability buddy. And, and then having AI had a
43:53
group of women that we met like, you know, once a week and
43:55
there's like five of us and that really helped too.
43:58
So I don't know, I've talked around in circles about that,
44:00
but that was a really big change and it took time.
44:03
You know, it wasn't like to snap my fingers and it was different
44:05
because I sort of dug myself in a hole with that.
44:11
Time to see heals all wounds and of course, Speaking of time, we
44:16
are almost at the end of the podcast.
44:19
We know you're a very busy woman and you have to run away pretty
44:24
soon. But before you run away you know
44:27
you can run but you can't hide like to push forward the the
44:33
quick fire round questions to you 5 quick questions and of
44:37
course you and give us a quick answers to these questions.
44:41
Are you ready to rumble? I am ready to rumble.
44:45
Of course, you know, it looks like you were actually born
44:48
ready. I see.
44:49
And of course, Speaking of somebody in in Colorado, you
44:53
know, their their lungs are always pumped and ready.
44:55
So let's let's fire. OK, number one, Number one,
45:01
what's the best book you've read recently?
45:04
I reread it, it's called Illusions by Richard Bach.
45:09
Barry Richard Bach, do you strongly recommend it?
45:13
I love Richard Bach, I love all of his books.
45:15
He's probably best known for Jonathan, Jonathan Livingston
45:19
Seagull. But they're very kind of
45:22
metaphysical, good stories, easy to read and like, the more you
45:26
read and the more you get out of them.
45:27
And I just like it. I mean, I just, I find them
45:31
fascinating. Interesting stuff.
45:34
So I might just art Richard Buck to my buck at least.
45:38
OK, OK. So #2 #2 is A1 daily habit that
45:45
contributes significantly to your happiness.
45:49
I have a daily meditation practise, so I get up early
45:54
about 5:30, and I just sit and quiet, you know, and focus on
46:00
just allowing love to flood my bodies.
46:03
And I feel like that really helps to start the day
46:07
differently. I notice it that if I don't get
46:09
up early and do that because I like getting up early because
46:11
it's really quiet then and the world is not buzzing quite yet.
46:15
Some of my friends like to meditate late at night.
46:17
They're more night owls, and that's when they do it.
46:20
But yeah, that really helps me. OK #3 What's your favourite
46:26
inspirational quote? Any disaster can become a
46:29
blessing. Any blessing can become a
46:32
disaster. And there's always a better way.
46:36
Take a like that I love I love blessings and disguise.
46:41
So that's a disaster that can become a blessing.
46:44
Interesting stuff #4 must have item in yourself care toolkit.
46:50
Well, for me I guess, but most I must have is I really am one of
46:54
these kind of people. I meet exercise, I need to move
46:56
my body. So that's why I have a daily
46:58
yoga practise that comes goes with breathing and moving your
47:02
body and the beautiful sense of community I have with the people
47:05
that at my yoga schools. So it's not like I would die if
47:08
I didn't have it, but I really am grateful to have that in my
47:12
life. Hey, and of course #5 and the
47:16
final question, what's one word that describes the secrets to
47:19
life violence? One word that describes the
47:24
secret to work life balance and harmony would be the word just
47:31
came to me as openness. So if we're really open to
47:35
receiving the light and love of the universe, we're really open
47:39
to experiencing new things. We're really open to letting go
47:42
of the old and what's not working for us.
47:45
We're really open to be being aware and and learning and
47:48
evolving and growing. It's a lot easier to experience
47:52
that in our lives. And of course, Speaking of
47:56
experiencing that in our lives, I would urge the audience to
48:01
visit dual consultancy. And of course, I think you do
48:05
have an offer of a complimentary mini soul reading is that is
48:09
that? Correct, yes.
48:11
If you contact me and you mentioned Kingdoms, if you're in
48:15
Europe, you'll have to e-mail me,
48:17
youllhavethatintheprobablythenotesareitsarlene1@dualconsultancy.com. Or you can text me if you're in
48:24
the US or Canada, 720-936-2634. I do Seoul readings.
48:30
It's on my website. It'll be a mini Seoul reading.
48:32
I'll draw a card, You'll draw a card.
48:34
We can be remote, that's not a big deal.
48:36
And then I'll do a a nice little 10 minute reading for you.
48:40
OK, so the website, what is the website so we can add that to
48:45
the show notes and the description?
48:47
Is below JEWEL consultancy dot. OK, there you go.
48:53
And of course, guys, just check the description.
48:55
You'll see that in the show notes.
48:57
Before you leave us, do you have anyone you want to give a shout
49:01
out to you? And of course, do you have any
49:03
last piece of advice for our audience?
49:08
I don't know. I just give a shout out to my
49:09
son. He seems really well in his
49:12
life. And yeah, he's a really cool
49:16
guy. He he's a chess champion and he
49:20
facilitates chess sessions and chess tournaments and chess
49:24
camps to to kids and so. Sounds great.
49:28
I just feel like I've never done that on a podcast before.
49:31
I'll have to. Wow, very, very big shout out to
49:33
him. He is playing cheques, he's
49:36
playing chess, but you're playing checkers.
49:38
And of course, you know, very. Just laugh at me that I never
49:41
let him teach me how to do chess.
49:42
I just. But I can't play checkers.
49:45
Yeah, you see, I, I told all lies.
49:48
You know, I told all lies. He plays chess, you play
49:50
checkers. And of course, Speaking of
49:52
checkers, let us check on the audience to ensure that you're
49:56
doing the right thing. Guys, please go, like, share,
50:00
subscribe. And of course, you know, I will
50:02
keep working tirelessly to bring in fantastic, tremendous, you
50:08
know, wonderful individuals like Alan Cohen Miller.
50:12
Can you imagine how much work I had to do to climb, you know,
50:17
the elevation, not get tired to to go get island.
50:21
Come what island? Tell tell them something.
50:23
Tell them, tell, tell them what they have.
50:25
Yes, mountain there was in Colorado all the way up to I
50:28
think 11,500 feet. It's it's, it's not easy.
50:33
So guys, please do the needful. And of course, you know, it's
50:36
it's all love and respect from me And of course, many, Many
50:40
thanks to Alan. You know, from the other side of
50:43
the pond, love and respect to you.
50:45
I always say an attitude of gratitude is good attitude.
50:48
And of course, when somebody says their time with you, you're
50:51
sharing that life with you. And of course, thank you for
50:53
sharing your time and of course, your life with me and the
50:56
audience day. And of course, guys, till I come
50:59
your weekend to look out to yourselves, stay out of trouble
51:02
and of course, keep doing the great work, share.
51:06
And of course, bye guys.