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Healing From Childhood Neglect · Wellness In Every Season

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: This is episode 237, and we are talking about healing from childhood neglect.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: So heavy topic.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: Big topic.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Wellness in Every Season.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: We talk all things wellness regarding the environment that you spend a lot of your time in, your physical health, your intellectual health, your financial health, your spiritual health, professional health, your social health, who you have relationships with, your emotional health.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: This is a really big umbrella.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: So expect all kinds of topics within all of these amazing dimensions of your wellness.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_04: Let's dive in.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Today I have with me Severin Ling, and he's done a lot.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And if you are watching a video, if you check out his hair, you can tell he's a hairstylist.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Looks awesome.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: He's a director, a coach, hairstylist, artist.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: And you wrote sober.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: What's the sober part?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: I've been cleaning sober for working on 13 years.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's a big deal.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: And my likes, that's the biggest accomplishment that anyone can take.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: I agree.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: When I don't remember which class, I think it was my drugs of use and abuse class.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: I learned that one in three people are addicts and it has to do with mental health.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's because they need that crutch.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes sense with what we're going to be talking about with childhood neglect.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: You said that you grew up with a father who's schizophrenic.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of heavy stuff here.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: So it makes sense that you needed that crutch.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: Self-medicated, yeah.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't start drinking until much later in life, like consistently drinking.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: The monkey mind always wanted that the body wanted the alcohol to escape to soothe something.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: That could be once a week, it could be twice a week, but your mind is always fixated on that drink or the drug is that's alcoholic thinking.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: For what I understand, there's generally one main caregiver, as in the daily routines with the child, and then you have support from the other, or it's just a single parent type of thing.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: And my father was the main caregiver, as in after school, always home to take care of me and my brother, and always the reliable one, as in kids need to be picked up and drop off, type of thing.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: My mom worked, she was a work all of it.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: So she worked and went to school on the time, so she was always gone.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know what my father had schizophrenia until much later in life.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: So I thought this was a normal childhood, but realizing by far it's not.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: Let me address the issue that my father had he was schizophrenic.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: He's no longer he passed away in 2018.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: He had a paranoia situation, and it was manageable.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: He can live within society with medication.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: His paranoia made the problem.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: So his paranoia is thinking that he got schizophrenia from his mom.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Which genetically is not far from the truth, you know, genetically.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: But he thought he was transmitted like a virus from his mom, and he didn't want to do that to his kids.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: So he decided not to talk to us, not to have interactions with us.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: He would have presence within the room, but not say son, sons, don't do that.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: You need to do this.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: I would hear what he wanted to tell us a day later from my mom the morning after.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: That's just the nature of the beasts.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_02: My father was not present for that.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: The only time that me and my brother would hear him sneak is through a closed door, talking to my mom, Lita.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: Or at the pulpit.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: My dad was a pastor.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: So when he was speaking from the church, he was hear him speaking theology ideas and Bible versions, the war, and dumped out.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_04: But I didn't know mentally what was wrong with him until he had a meltdown.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: A schizophrenic break when I was about five.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: That's when I knew something was wrong because he was hospitalized for a couple months.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then we were kicked out of the small town.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_02: After that, we moved.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: That's when more of a severe neglect happened.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: So when I was before five, there were some interreactions.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_02: Not a lot, but enough to maintain a so-called LP childhood idea of a father.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, my dad was heavily medicated.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Didn't show emotion, didn't like structurally anything.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: And how I learned, I'm dyslexic, severely dyslexic, so I watch people.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: I watch either listen.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: Reading was horrible with me, but with that type of young mind, with that disability, you need to be groomed differently than a normal child.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: My brother was fine.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: He was older, and he had friends to learn from.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: He was getting some type of mentorship from friends and teachers.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: But I was stuck alone.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: Circumstances of my dyslexia isolated me more.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: My dad was a good guy, a good man, is what I hope from when he passed away.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: I learned a lot more about my father after he died than I experienced.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: Because what I experienced that my father was just stone called, not addressing his kittens not communicating, not talking, not same thing, I love you.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like the only time I bowed him would sing out when we moved into a house, our rooms were down the hall, all just kitty corner from each other.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: So we left the doors open.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: And we would do a call out, saying, I love you, mom, I love you dad, I love you, mine.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: And that was the only time I would hear those words nonchalantly, technically, as a response.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm 47 years old.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: And these memories of neglect are just now I'm coming to terms with because of my sobriety.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_02: So like it's a blessing and also a curse.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: So when my brother passed away, masma attacked in 1990, I was looking for help.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: I was confused and trying to figure out what's going on.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: And there was no feedback from my father from that death.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_02: I was 11.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: And still pliable, still influenced by other people strongly, like every kid is at that age.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: And it's interesting about trauma and neglect and things that we experience that women naturally, when they give births, they totally forget the pain.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: That's a beautiful thing.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: Trauma has the same thing for anyone, it's a safety mechanism for safety.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: So your mind will just forget.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: Your body won't.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Your mind will choose to lock it away and put it away for later problems.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I was already a quiet kid and watched my father through that trauma.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't really show much emotion.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: The mother, she's the vocal person of the people.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: And every time I would have a remembrance of my brother, she went on a complete meltdown, and my dad would just walk away.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I assume you was heavy meltdown.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: There's no assistance, no therapy, no nothing.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's gonna be okay.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: My mom made an effort.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: We would go for breakfast in early in the morning before she had to go to work.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: Before I get dropped off to school.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: What I want to address, like my normal, and I know a lot of people have gone through a lot worse than neglect.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: But my response is you got a physical response, positive or negative, you got a response of some type of emotion.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: So you have a basis of what emotion is.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: And what I learned my basis is no emotion.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_02: And it's becoming full circle of relationship building problems, mental health issues, not schizophrenia, but drinking too much.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: But through my teenage years, I was in need of some type of male guidance.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: So I joined the Boys Council of America, and that was kind of like a staple thing back where I was from.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: At a young age, you've got to come to counseling on Boy Scouts afterwards.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: If you're not into heavily in sports and all that.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: So I learned about life through Boy Scouts, but there's also another problem that happened psychologically, that there was a predator in the mitts to the Boy Scouts.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I was abused after my brother passed away.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: So one trauma felt on top of another.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: At like 18, 19 years old, come to college and all that stuff.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_02: I was like one of their friends that helped them to understand what faith and religion is.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I was still with it, but that was because of my life was just church and school and survival.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: I kind of latched on to spirituality understanding, but it didn't solve any of my mental and physical issues.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: It just allowed me to uh try to connect with people, but I still haven't problem connecting with people.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, my father wasn't abusive.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: But neglect is an abuse.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone thinks, yes, physical abuse.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: He wasn't physical.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: And we're so programmed that you think abuse is just physical.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's like marvelous.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: I moved to L.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: I took a career health-wise.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Have you heard of the body has memory?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: The body has a score?
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that one.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to my dyslexic talking.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: If you understand that theory that the body keeps score, keeps memory, and you understand psychology, and then understand what an autoimmune disease is.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Give us some cliff notes.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: Autoimmune disease is the body attacking itself.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: Could be anything within the body.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: You're inflamed, like random areas.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: But the body attacks itself.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: Autoimmune disease is an unknown cause.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: There's no evidence on how it gets started.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: But if you talk to psychologists and the mental health people, they're like, hey, these XYZ people have all autoimmune disease.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: They have trauma in their life.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: They have inflammation issues, or they have this type of disease, and they have this and this and this.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: So the body keeps score.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: Even though if you don't remember it, or if you are triggered somehow, that's your body subconsciously reacting to something.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I need to heal something.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's like, why am I acting like this?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, there's something there.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: So they hit the dick.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: But the bottom of the barrel for me, I got diagnosed with autoimmune disease when I was early 20s.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: There tells you how bad things were.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: If you know that young, that young, and every doctor I talked to were like, this is a woman's disease.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm thinking, you mean women have more trauma than men?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's because we hold it in differently.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: You hold it in way differently than men.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: That I do agree.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: So there's weird connections that are like happening at a young age.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: My doctor's like, move out of Iowa.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever you do, move out of Iowa, go somewhere warm, and then this will be manageable.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: Which is true.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, I can't tell you how to live your life because he was a smoker.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: I was a smoker at that time.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_02: I can't tell you where.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_02: So get out of here.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: He was a very nice guy.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: He helped me the most to figure out this autoimmune disease.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I took that to heart.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: Hairstyling was my ticket out because I don't learn like everyone else does with the normal educational system.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm very artistic, and I don't want to wear a suit to work or a computer of random people.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I wanted artistic freedom and creativity.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so I got into hair at a random circumstances, and my first job was in Las Vegas.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: When I moved to Las Vegas, my drinking increased because I was trying to socialize, and then the depression set in and isolation set in.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: But I was still going to work reliable there.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: But I was having trigger points everywhere.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like guys will try and become friends, just general dudes, just want to be friends.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: But I will fold I like ignore them.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: I make more female friends than guy friends.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: Safer.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: And safer, right?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_04: And I want to control myself.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: So anyway, the fall, the down of the down when I got soaked.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: It was 2013.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: And at that time I was becoming homeless.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: And everything I tried, self-help books to writing positivity, journaling, which I don't journal because of my hatewriting is crap.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: Talking to someone really didn't help.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: And all this time, flashes of my father came back in my life, isolating me because I was getting so drunk that I was having flashbacks.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I drank to feel.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then when I was feeling, then I drank to numb it out.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: So it was an ongoing problem.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_02: So anything I was trying to do in life, it kept on faltering.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: I went on to 10-day retreat, no speaking retreat, meditation retreat.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: I still drank.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'm still feeling the worst million.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: Friend of mine asked me to go to a seminar, and the seminar was talking about becoming your own leader.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: Things like that.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: I just finally committed to myself, like I'm tired of pissing in away.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: Just splatters back right out.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_02: So all this effort you're trying to change your life and it just still crumbles.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: Something's wrong.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_02: And it's you.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's not the exterior.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: Every effort that I made was just going nowhere.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_02: I was doing nowhere.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: So I had to change it.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know how.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_02: But so I explained that to the seminar.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: I got sponsored in the seminar, so that was cool.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_02: But that seminar program, a training, leadership training, broke the ice for me to admit that I'm an alcohol.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: I was grieving so much and suppressing so much emotion from this neglectful father that when he was on his deathbed, he still couldn't taunt at all.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was trying to ask questions like, you're dying, dude.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_02: I need to know.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Why did you ignore me?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: And he would just go into some scripture, which is not nonsense, but I was in safety mode.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, what did I deserve to receive this?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: Not the child was in me, but the adults, like that's the best that he could do.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I have to constantly look for the little things that he tried to do.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Every concert I had, he was there.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: Every Boy Scout thing, he was there.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_04: He was present, but wasn't present.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's like every type of relationship I get into, I'd be like, hey, what this is what you're on to get into, just to let you know.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: I don't express my emotions very well and receiving emotions.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: I can take your emotions on, head on, I'm fine with it.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: But if you're having trouble reading me, just ask me.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: Don't assume.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because you will not be able to read me whatsoever.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like an interview process once I get into the relationship.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: Healing is a journey, it's not you're going to be healed, period.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: Which I know when I first started therapy and was just desperate to actually sleep and not have the night terrors happening.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: That I was just realizing I'm not going to be healed and done.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: Why is this spare?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: And going through that whole cycle.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sure that's where your mind went a lot of the time when you were going through.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: COVID 11 me, man, everyone was locked down, everyone's going crazy, and I was getting clients texting me, like do my hair, blah blah blah.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, no, go away.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm happy.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: Leave me alone.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: I can isolate.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'd done so much recovery work to try to understand more about me that it kind of broke me more in a way.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: It chipped on some layers and opened up the onion more, but I was unable to go for long walks or become more social because the underlying emotion that I was experiencing was I'm unworthy.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: And that is still at my root core now.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_04: I am unworthy.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: And like my mother also, she's very strong willed but has that amount of remorse.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: idea no idea but you know we raised you right in my head like no you did it she caught me on a bad day and I I called her out like old everything like you know we did the manager I'm like no I'm more fucked up now than I was then the reason why is because you've been able to see more see how bad it was like why do you feel like you're more messed up now than you were that uh as you mature and learn life experiences you'll get perspective but once you become awakened when I say awakened I mean you're able to look at yourself when you're having an tissy fit or an outbreak and you're looking at yourself from up here away you're zooming out in a situation and you're looking at yourself if you can do that that means you're becoming more awake and if you're unable you have a lot of work to do but I say more messed up now because I see the programming I was in or have been in and I'm unable to change it in relationships it causes more problems but as I'm arguing I know it's because of childhood issues some people get in arguments knowing that they have childhood issues and bless them hopefully can find a better way which you can more aware and you're unable to change things it becomes a battle with between yourself and your ego either frustrating sometimes you get short tempered with people and it has nothing to do with them run away from yourself.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_02: No wherever you go there you're at type of thing and yeah if you're like look like every family is different every childhood is different I get that but as a child you might have the same physical PTSD response as someone that was physically abused or someone that was neglected or was raised by an orphan like orphanage.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: How you connect to trauma through experiences can be totally different but your reactions are the same can be just you you saw someone getting murdered and now traumatizing but I still like how body reactions give me the same response as this other person.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: So the body holds trauma almost the same but the event is different.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_02: And like there's no competition.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_02: Your body has a trauma response to something my body does too the solution is to start admitting that I might have a problem and if you can admit that then the next step is like where do I find help?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: How do I find help?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: Who do I talk to you know what is safe what is not that is really hard to find someone safe to just unload either you pay them like a shrink or something from like a group of people got through the same experience or listening to podcasts or interviews things like this quite there's but that's why I latched on to AA so much because no matter how much I've gone through and been dealing with I know someone's been dealing with worse and got recovery and is doing awesome and has coping mechanisms to work with all this crap.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I'd have someone to go to so is it one of those if they can do it I can do it?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah I can actually talk to someone that's why it's so important to find like minded people coming to terms with the fact that I was neglected or how private my parents were because one of my uncles didn't know how severe it was that was like a wake up call I'm like wow okay so it's worse than I thought the unworthiness is still present and I didn't put two two together until a moment of a wake up call which was what is neglect or actually what is abuse and then neglect follows underneath that and what is child neglect do to someone in the long term and that was but that's normal it's not and I guess what's bothered me the most is like the wanting to connect with people but not able to make sense I'm talking to a therapist now first time in my life so I clearly understood what I need to do type of thing like it's clicking like I'm trying to understand why I'm going through all this stuff.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: Is that a friend of mine she's a alternate healing and like your throat problems because I'm having thyroid issues and also my throat is my voice vocal is hoarse I always sound nasally and he's like everything you've done medically it's not going to solve the problem is is your past and you're not talking so I decided I need to find a way to communicate better and spread the word neglect is the foundation next to my dyslexia of my childhood.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: And those two things have shaped me strongly I would like to change some things but I still won't be the person I am now what I've noticed and I'm sure it's for you and for all those that are listening is we've had to grow up faster than we were meant to.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: 100% but we are still immature in areas because we did not have that support and one area that you mentioned in particular is a strong one for me and I actually have a poster up here that you can't really see but it's actually for me to look at and it's the feelings wheel because I have a hard time being able to accurately say this is what I'm actually feeling not whatever I'm bandating over it that I was allowed to feel as a child is like what is deeper than that and I've matured a lot in being able to actually name my emotions and feel the correct emotion not the one that I'm trying to turn it into that I'm used to feeling and was allowed to feel yeah another one is just being comfortable with myself in silence has been a big thing.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope that other people will recognize that maybe in other people and give them grace and most of all with themselves.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: This goes back to you talking about worth one thing that has been huge for me over the past couple years that I've really worked on with myself is I know you won't relate to this as well because I have children and there's so much of it is there is no way in hell I would treat my children that way.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: And realizing that has helped me with my own worth of oh no that was not okay.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_01: I have one girl and she is a complete minimum.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's really interesting to see oh that's what I would be like with all that trauma and abuse and I would never do that to her.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: So how dare you do that to childhood me or for you it's looking at the child version of yourself as an adult and picturing holding your child self when you need that like I'm here for you kind of that mentor this was not okay and I see that and there is no way that you deserved any of this because no child deserves any type of abuse exact criticism they don't deserve that no one thrives in that why do you think we are in such a society where we are pushing therapy because we need it how many adults do you see like elderly adults that are saying well I survived good for you but did you thrive no I survived this or I've lived this long with this problem.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: Why would I change it now?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: Don't you want to thrive life is so much better on the other side and for anybody who is starting to say those things what was the catalyst to you going to therapy you've already done a so at therapist ultimately their idea is they have to pick the right therapist is that they are just in a listening ear and they question and they let you talk create a welcoming environment but what got me into it is I'm going through a lot right now like a lot is I want to drink but I don't want to drink like that my my egos I like yeah take that I used to drink a gallon of vodka every 36 hours your poor body I and I'm basically allergic to alcohol fermentation irony anyway I'm I was stuck I am stuck and I'm going through so much stress and I only talk to her partner she's like you know just talk to me I'm like no I yes I will talk to you but I won't talk to you because there's no answers and you already know my problems you live it with me every single day so if you're having problems in your life you're stuck and you're stagnant even stagnant where things are just going just normal but you have that little voice where like more but you just can't move past on you can't move forward you're always like stuck or frozen you know a therapist or talking to a group will guide you to start unlocking I don't want to push medication because they don't help me.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_02: It will regulate you sure it doesn't for me if you're one of the ones that respond to it yeah it helps if you're just exhausted of your life and you're not thrilled for anything you definitely need to talk to someone if you're drinking too much or gambling too much or sex too much or like anything that's like an addictive personality there's programs out there.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_04: There's support out there for any issues that we are experiencing you just have to be willing if you're Anthony Hopkins he's in Rico out here in LA in where he's I've been to a couple of those meetings that he was at and there's it's called a fuck where you're so desperate to change that you don't know how to do it you submit.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_02: And the willingness to you just have to accept everything and just be humble and to accept that you're powerless of the situation.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm done fighting trying to change when there's no change in mind whatever I'm doing it's not working so I can take the leap of trying to do therapy if you're someone that has been through if you had trauma like a lot of us but your body says through you you're gonna have autoimmune disease there's new stuff out there so there's days where I couldn't really get out of bed because of my autoimmune layouts.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just tired of being stuck all the support in the world is not enough sometimes you have to do it they can't do it for you and it seems so unfair and it's yeah yeah worth it it's worth it but here gets me in trouble like thanks universe thanks God I'm going through this experience because one day I'm gonna touch someone's life that would change them dramatically and they're gonna change millions of people that's my motivation too me speaking out about this me writing a play about these these things I'm trying to do to set me up to spread the word it's like I know I'm gonna touch someone in my weird thinking and formatting of things and in how I present it and I just have to hold on to that idea and I get stuck in therapy I had never done it so if you're feel like you're pissing in the wind meaning everything that you're trying to do to change your life or change something within your life and you didn't have a really good childhood it's time to do some self-reflection I love the cringe with it because part of it is cringe right it is cringe it's crusty it's so crusty at times but you're right it does take away the jagged edges correct but the thing is when I started therapy I noticed that my body would be like oh we're ready to like here's all this other stuff I wanted therapy for one thing and my body would be like uh we're doing a whole bunch more and for anybody who's stuck in therapy where you kind of start plateauing I added on somatics I started working with with a somatics coach and it up leveled it so much it did for me to go through all the deep stuff it was going through the body sensations instead of all the trauma again now there you go where therapy was re-traumatizing it is retriggering this is why I don't like it.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah but I love EMDR where I had the reprocessing with it anybody needs therapy talking speaking of that emdr can be done in the office or there's an online service I have an app now.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: When I found out emdr a buddy of mine asked me to support him in an AA meeting he was going to speak generally what that means that's like he's gonna call you out and he did I knew he was going to ask me to read I I don't read out loud very well I mean I'm I'm decent and I'll toot my horn a little bit I'm not that bad but it took me forever to get there.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway it's not the reading it is the what my body experiences just to start and to get through it.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_02: So if you don't know what EMDR is it's a cycle of light patterns and noises and thought process a couple questions before you go through and then you do another couple questions.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_02: So I took the experience thought of the experience through the first session then wrote about it then wrote about the positives emotions and ideas at different events and then I thought about those feelings and right after so you go there's two steps actually before write EMDR write emdr and I went to the meeting asked me to read right through it no sweats no nervousness no inks no nothing and afterwards and I was like game changer game changer if you have a trauma that thing will work you have to believe in it.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: You have to get in this like really good zone because if you try too hard and you're just like here take it it doesn't quite work it's like this spot where you have to trust yourself to work but and someone asked me what is it like afterwards as exhausting because my event that I was going through was very traumatic for any first grader.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: So now thinking of that event I'm able to be out here behind it and looking down on it and not having a reaction just like oh that's happening right now.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay I feel sorry for that kid oh that's me I feel sorry for myself type of thing so it doesn't transfer as much that's how I find EMDR.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you sleep really well.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah right meditation helps and that's what I was going to get to next is I've noticed that it needs to be layers of different things.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't quite hitting as hard as it used to what's the next thing that I can do and this is where the wellness part comes in is what else can I do?
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're healing and you mentioned this a little bit is it's that slowing down.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_01: So this isn't where you're going and you're doing hardcore workouts.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: This is where maybe you're going for a walk which I think in that meditation more sleep a little more silence.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: People who got through trauma want to distract ourselves to deflect to go away we don't want to have that emotion or experience that and if you're willing meditation works and the one that I got connected with and what changed my life it's called vipassana it's a scale from the Buddhist teachings but it's a V-I P A S S A N A.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_02: What kind of meditation is this so it's not a religion it's based off of Buddhist theology this is their practice for meditation one of them and by the way Christianity has lost their ways of not teaching meditation it's there it should be there because that it's never taught anymore which is is that part of what prayer is no prayer is after meditation.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_02: You meditate to regulate then serve so vipassana it is it's very simple just breathe in through your nose blow out your mouth that's a you pay attention to temperature change in your nose and then out your mouth feel that temperature and then if you can hold that and then you notice like an itch like on your elbow you want to go for it don't just acknowledge it.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh there's an itch there's an itch on my elbow oh there's an itch breathe oh that's cold air warm air and it no longer itch no I totally itch it that's why I have to do guided meditation yeah so if you just pay attention just your nose breathing or that you can breathe in your mouth too but the temperature change when I told this is that the meaning is to see things as they really are or insight and poly.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_02: I thought that you'd appreciate that no it's good if you can do the 10 day retreat it's mind blowing that was the beginning of a shift when I took it when I moved to LA I got so much road rage it's just stupid traffic I'm from Iowa so we don't have traffic it's just just like go just move for five days I was so angry at myself because you just left there everything in your head listening to the instructor But you can't respond, you can't do anything, so you're just stuck.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_04: And then finally, once it clicks, the ten hours goes by and you're like, oh, that's it.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's pretty cool.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_02: But I always breathe in, breathe out throughout the day just to calm myself.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_04: Like if I'm having triggers, seriously.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_02: If I can observe my trigger, I will breathe through it.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_02: Because of the meditation skill I learned.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_02: And that will help regulate me and calm me down.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: So if we had an experience that you have a lot of triggers, I would try meditation.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: What I've noticed with that is make sure you're doing the down, you're regulating down.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, not regulating the exhale.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, the down breathing to it's more the calming breathing to regulate, not the hyperventilating stuff, which I've done.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like therapy is definitely a new experience for me, so I can't really helping.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_01: It sounds like you've tried many different things, adding things on as things need to fall off because they're no longer working or whatever.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_02: You have to, it's not one size fits all.
• 45:31
  unknown: Yeah.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like these are the things that I've done.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_02: They may not work for you.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_02: And you may say, oh, they won't work for me.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like, then try it.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, really try it.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_02: Just say, no, this does not work for me.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_01: So stay curious.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_02: Because what it boils down to is fear.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_02: Your ego is keeping you locked in.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it won't work for me.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like, have you tried?
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, no, I know it's not gonna work.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's your ego.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_02: Your ego wants to be in misery.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_02: But yourself, the higher consciousness.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_02: The reason why you're having issues, it's popping his head up.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like, hey, I'm here.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm uncomfortable now.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_02: We need to work on this.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_02: Get the ego out of the way.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're having conflict, that's a good yeah.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes sense because we need to figure out a way to cleanse ourselves because our spirit is bigger than our body.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: Anybody questions this, be around either somebody who's short or a child.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: And you'll be like, holy cow, yes, you are so much bigger than the your body size.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_01: And thinking about it with the body keeps the score idea, is that if you think about it, there is that disconnect, right?
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's stuck in your body and your spirit's bigger, and your spirit's saying, We need to get rid of this, so reconnect again.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because trauma, especially in childhood, because childhood is when you have that foundation.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: We weren't allowed to have that foundation when we needed it, right?
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: So trauma at any age is awful, but it's most especially in childhood.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's harder to recover from if it's in childhood.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_01: So we're trying to rebuild that foundation so we can have that connection that we should have had and never fully had with our spirit and our body.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_01: And that is a very big deal, and that's where we end up having this, where we feel like we're fighting ourselves, and that's where the autoimmune disease comes into play.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: Thyroid stuff comes into play.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes sense because you never felt like you could speak up for yourself, correct, or express emotion.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that can happen with your different chakras, where maybe if you were sexually abused, you have issues with your hips, you have like floor area.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: I've gone down several rabbit holes within my own healing, let alone coaching other people.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: But the story from all this that's really coming through for me is it is absolutely a journey.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_01: There is healing along the way.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_01: You will come through, think of it like hiking, and you'll come through the other side of this, and then something else is going to come up like this is the next thing to heal.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it think of it more like this is the next gift that you get to unwrap.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_01: The this healing gets to happen.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: There's sucky parts to it, yeah.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_01: But like you were also saying, you can then shed that light for somebody else.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: The experiences that you've gone through is actually not for you, it's for someone else.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_02: Your experiences are done, you have to have some positive twist, or you're gonna go through some morbid stuff.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_02: So you have to get the mindset like my experiences that I've been through, the worst of the worst that anyone can imagine, it's done because your story is gonna help someone else.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_02: Just because no one helped you does not mean you can't help someone else.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe you should help somebody else because nobody helped you.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_02: Correct.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I love what you also said with the whole idea of body keeps the score, is that it doesn't matter what your trauma was.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: Does not your body recognizes it as trauma, it shows up the same way in your body.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's a really big deal.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: And remember that when you start doing the well, mine isn't as bad as that person, because you're still going down the whole worthy train.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm laughing because there's a SNL quote that my husband has shown me, and it's funny.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's a therapist saying, I can cure you of anything.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_01: All right, well, let's try it.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: And she's stop it or I'll bury you live in a box.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, anyway.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_01: If you haven't seen it, Google it, Google it.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's hilarious.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_01: There's your therapy session.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, and no, it's not realistic.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's what's funny about it.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_01: But help the other person behind you be the person that you needed.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_01: Know that it is a journey, know that your trauma is valid.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_01: What you're going through is valid.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_01: I am not a hugger.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_01: Picture me hugging you.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody, like, we all need that.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_01: We all deserve it.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_01: And the worst person in the world deserves to feel love and worth, and probably they're the worst person in the world because they did not.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_02: Correct.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_02: Can I ask you a question real quick?
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_02: Do you say I'm sorry a lot?
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_01: Even more.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_01: I've noticed females do it, and then people with trauma do it a lot.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: So here's the thing that I add into some of my little talks and things.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_02: Also being a hair stylist, I notice, observed a lot from perspective behind the chair, but being around women a lot, girls is that and I catch people.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_02: People are close to me.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_02: I constantly remind them.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_02: Have you gone through trauma?
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_02: Any type of trauma.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_02: And you say I'm sorry, stop saying I'm sorry.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll explain.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_02: Say so I'm sorry.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_02: You say that to an intimate person, someone that you're gonna give your life to, your intimacy with, your intimacy, not sex.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about just a connection of vulnerability.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_02: Someone that you trust completely.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_02: That's the only time you say I'm sorry.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_02: Just say I apologize or I regret.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_02: Saying I apologize cuts that connection off.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_02: You're not handing over your vulnerability, you're giving the stranger your intimacy, your vulnerability by saying, I am sorry.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_02: You're being intimate to a stranger.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_02: If you had trauma, you're always bowing down.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_02: You put yourself down by saying that now just go to someone who you care and just do a little experiment.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, I just need to feel something.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_02: So just bear with me.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_02: And just say, you know, I'm like, just like yell at them or like whatever.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_02: Just like smack them on the shoulder or whatever, and then say I'm sorry.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_02: Feel that.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, what you experience, slap it on the shoulder again or something, and then say, I apologize.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna feel a different, you're gonna feel a disconnection from I apologize.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_02: You're not connected to that person whatsoever.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_02: Or I regret, you're not feeling that connection, you're not handing over your will to them.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_02: You're giving over everything to them and you're expecting a response.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_02: But when you say I regret or I apologize, you don't need an answer.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_02: You don't need forgiveness from them.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_02: You just need it's like I apologize.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_02: Really, I apologize.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_02: But you say I'm sorry, you're expecting I forgive you.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_02: You want forgiveness.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_02: You don't need to do that, especially you've been through trauma.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't had to think about that for a while.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's very challenging.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_01: What I learned is that when you apologize for something, if it's something that you didn't do, like I'm sorry that happened to you, or oh, I'm so sorry, I wish I could help in some way, when you have no fault whatsoever, psychologically, what you're doing for that other person is making them think, well, are they at fault?
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as I heard that, I'm like, that's actually true.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_01: So it kind of starts to do this when that's not what your intention is, what your intention is to draw closer to them.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I am feeling what you're feeling, I'm so sorry that it's happening, that type of thing.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_01: And the way to get around that, it doesn't work for every situation.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_01: So, like if you're running late, thank you for waiting for me instead of saying I'm sorry.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just acknowledging their existence.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_01: Or what I've done to people is I say, you know what?
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't accept your apology because it's not needed.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it takes them a second, I make sure I smile, and then I'm like, I don't accept it because, and I do it really fast, so they're like, Oh, yeah, you're right, I didn't need to apologize.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I know.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_02: So on this type of say I'm sorry type of thing, and you hit something like it's like, oh, I had a brother.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh, what happened?
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, he passed away when I was younger.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, I'm sorry.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, it's all your fault.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, what?
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, dude, you have nothing to be sorry about.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you weren't there, it's not your fault.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_02: You don't need it, you don't need to say that they like just took them off edge, like, but I'm like, you're not sorry, you just have it.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_02: You're feeling my emotion, like you're feeling pity, which is okay.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_02: But then I go in my whole sorry thing, like, you can't hold my burden.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's an old burden.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_02: You weren't there, so it's all good.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_02: I get it, but a different approach.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_01: But the thank you for the other situations has been helpful, and really what you said is true.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_01: When we apologize, we are shrinking ourselves down.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_02: Especially when people have trauma, especially sexual abuse or rape.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_02: This is huge.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_02: Especially by meeting someone that's gone through that experience.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm around them when they say that, I try to correct them as quickly as possible.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_02: Be like person, I'm sorry, might you're being submissive.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's not necessary.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're handing over your your will to me, like I don't want it.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_01: And you shouldn't give it there's some people I remind them you can take up space and you should.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_02: So it's the little habits that I notice that are pattern forming childhood that I'm becoming more of aware.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_02: Once you become awake and feel like, oh, ew.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_02: Ew, I don't want to do that again, or like, why am I saying that?
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_02: My biggest issue is I'm still dealing with worthiness.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um worthy of love, generally, and like being closed off.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_01: And it was social media like 11 years ago.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_01: There's no way I could find it for you.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_01: Or it would take a really long time, I shouldn't say no way.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_01: But it was I'm sure there's science behind it at this point.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_01: She was interviewing some people that were close in her life, and some of the negative things that they tell themselves.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then she brought up their childhood picture and she said, now say it to that person.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_01: Every one of them broke down.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_01: That is why it is imagine childhood you, or even better, have a picture of childhood you around to remind yourself.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, this child is worthy.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_01: And if you can't get to I am that same child, at least start there.
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_01: Know that it's a step at a time, but there's no way childhood you deserved any of that stuff, and then when you can get there, remember that childhood you is still within you.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_01: So no way does adult you deserve that stuff either.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that doesn't mean go and be awful to the world because the world owes you.
• 57:55
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_01: But remember that you are worthy of goodness.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we get into your world for those that really resonated with you, want to be on the healing journey with you?
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm on social media, Severn Lang.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_02: So S-C-B-E-R-N-L-A-N-G is one of my handles.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_02: And then severnlay.com.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_02: Best is social media.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm more on Instagram than anything, and I generally reply, so just shoot me a DM.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being on.
• 58:34
  SPEAKER_01: I could definitely see the emotions through there.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_01: I know that after this conversation, it will still take you a little bit probably to wind down from this.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_01: You'll probably still be meditating on this for a while.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_01: So know that we appreciate you for going through this with us, for reminding ourselves of the areas that we need to heal and the reasons why people act the way that they do.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_01: And one thing that also came up for me is that obviously you did enough healing to realize your father's intention and to realize he had a rough childhood and it was coming through for you, and that generational trauma, and you're doing the work to break it and how much work that takes.
• 59:25
  SPEAKER_01: Really does you're reminding us of that through your story, and I feel like for me in particular, with my own learning style, I learn the best through storytelling.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_01: They're not speaking out of turn, you know, they've actually lived this stuff.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_01: Those are the people where I my mind shuts up and I actually want to listen.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for sharing that.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_01: I know that it brings you healing and it also brings you grief along the way to share.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_02: Grief is not bad, it's there for a purpose, but you have to let it be grief in the future.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of anger or whatever.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm noticing that I hold on to a lot of emotions, so yeah, is that as well.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you'll have a lot more healing from it.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_02: Hopefully sooner than later.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's a bit of lovely conversation.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_00: Which I was.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_02: I want to say thank you.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_02: You came up with some good points, and it's gonna keep me occupied.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, you know how to find me.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_01: Email me if you want to discuss anything along the way.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_02: I will.
• 1:00:38
  unknown: Okay.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for joining our discussion.
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you enjoyed this, please like, subscribe.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_01: Most of all, share the love with others.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_01: Please share this episode so that we can help other people really recalibrate every aspect of their lives so they can be the best version of themselves.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I will see you in the next episode.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_01: I want to have my quick disclaimer here that this is not a one-size fits all.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you want one-on-one coaching, let's talk.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_01: And we will make sure what wellness means to you is really put into your life, put into practice.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_01: I am using my undergrad and applied health and my life coaching experience to bring this podcast to you.