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What If Your Life Vision is Limiting What's Possible? · No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women

• 0:00
  Mary: Hi, and welcome to a mini episode of No Shrinking Violets.
• 0:04
  Mary: So the first thing I want to tell you is something I'm really excited about that has been added by Buzz Sprout, and Buzz Sprout is where I upload my episodes to.
• 0:15
  Mary: And they now have an option where you can give me or send me a voice text.
• 0:21
  Mary: So for a long time, I've had the ability for you to text me with your thoughts, but now you can just send me a voice text.
• 0:29
  Mary: So how cool would it be if I could actually play that text on a future episode and you could not only hear yourself, but other people could hear your input, which would be so cool.
• 0:42
  Mary: So if you ever have a thought on an episode, all you have to do is go to the show notes and click send me a text and you can just leave me a voice text.
• 0:52
  Mary: Of course, you can still type a text to me, but I can't respond to that.
• 0:56
  Mary: I can't respond to the voice text either, but you could hear yourself on my show.
• 1:02
  Mary: Okay, so my thought for this week is related to a book that I just finished.
• 1:09
  Mary: And if you've never read anything by Austin Cleon, I would suggest you do it.
• 1:15
  Mary: They're such fun books because he's an artist.
• 1:19
  Mary: And so the books are they're little, they're they're um a small-sized book.
• 1:26
  Mary: I would say maybe seven by seven.
• 1:30
  Mary: I don't know, I'm not good at that, but they're square.
• 1:33
  Mary: And the first one I read that I loved is called Steal Like an Artist.
• 1:36
  Mary: And the idea generally, very generally, about that is that there is nothing unique, that we're all reusing an idea that's already been put out there.
• 1:48
  Mary: Now, I don't know if I agree with that, but it's a very fun read.
• 1:52
  Mary: There are drawings, it's just fun.
• 1:55
  Mary: And so his most recent one is called Don't Call It Art.
• 2:00
  Mary: And the premise of that, and again, very generally, is that when you're a kid, you're not trying to create art, you're just being creative.
• 2:11
  Mary: And if you draw something and you don't like it, you can start over.
• 2:16
  Mary: And as long as materials are no issue, you know, you just start with a stack of paper and a box of crayons, and you can draw a flower.
• 2:27
  Mary: And if you don't like it, you can toss it on the floor and draw another flower.
• 2:30
  Mary: Or you can, you know, draw a flower in 17 different colors.
• 2:36
  Mary: And we we didn't think when we were kids that we had to create this perfect finished product.
• 2:43
  Mary: We were just exploring and doing whatever came to mind and having fun.
• 2:50
  Mary: And so one of the points he makes is that we've lost that as adults, that everything we create has a plan to it.
• 2:59
  Mary: It's supposed to have some type of specific impact or add to some kind of project, or there's an end goal to our creativity.
• 3:09
  Mary: And he is encouraging us to get back to that sense of just creating to create.
• 3:32
  Mary: So there would be the challenge to put the phone aside and really just go sit somewhere.
• 3:40
  Mary: And you know I'm gonna say sit in nature.
• 3:43
  Mary: But one of the points he makes near the end of the book is to not have a vision.
• 3:51
  Mary: So we do things like make a vision board, and I do believe in that.
• 3:55
  Mary: I think it's really effectively visualizing what you want, but I think sometimes maybe we get too specific.
• 4:04
  Mary: So let me read you something from his book.
• 4:08
  Mary: He said, I would discourage you from clinging to your visions too tightly because your visions can blind you to what's actually in front of you, who you really are and what you really can be.
• 4:19
  Mary: Sometimes we get so focused on our vision that we simply miss a lot of the good around us, the stuff we could really use.
• 4:27
  Mary: We miss out on opportunities, we get driven crazy by the mismatch between our vision and our reality.
• 4:34
  Mary: The vision becomes more destructive than creative.
• 4:39
  Mary: We don't talk very often about the danger of visions.
• 4:42
  Mary: Visions can be very powerful, but visions can create a kind of inflexibility in us.
• 4:48
  Mary: Chasing after our visions can cause us to bulldoze through reality with blinders on.
• 4:55
  Mary: So that made me really think about certain things from my own life, and some of them are very minuscule, and others are pretty huge.
• 5:03
  Mary: And I might have even mentioned some of these before, but there's sort of a new one.
• 5:07
  Mary: So let me share a little bit about what this made me think of for myself.
• 5:12
  Mary: So I think a lot of times, and this is sort of what he's saying, we have an idea what we like.
• 5:21
  Mary: And I've seen this come up for my clients with issues like they want to meet their partner.
• 5:28
  Mary: And I can't tell you, especially in young people.
• 5:30
  Mary: I think as you get older and you've had more experience, you realize maybe this isn't the way to go.
• 5:36
  Mary: But young people will say they have their list of what they want in someone.
• 5:43
  Mary: And I think when you have a list of what you want, and this is to Austin Cleon's point, you can miss some of the things that might be wonderful opportunities.
• 5:54
  Mary: So we can dismiss something that doesn't match our idea.
• 5:58
  Mary: And so while it's good to have a handle on what we like and what we don't like, having this strict vision of what success is or what a partner is or where we have to live, how we have to be, what kind of people we want in our life, that is very restrictive.
• 6:18
  Mary: So the big one for me is moving to the city, to the point that I literally wrote in the book that I just published that I could have never imagined living in the city.
• 6:30
  Mary: And I've had people, as I'm talking about my book to, you know, in different venues, I've had people bring this up to me that you talked about this would be an environment where you would struggle.
• 6:44
  Mary: But there was just one day where I started to think, what might this be like?
• 6:49
  Mary: And sometimes the key to changing or expanding is just allowing something to be a possibility.
• 6:57
  Mary: It doesn't mean you're gonna do it, but there can be the vision.
• 7:01
  Mary: Visualizing what something you didn't anticipate or you thought you wouldn't want might be like.
• 7:08
  Mary: No holds barred, open your mind.
• 7:10
  Mary: So I started to think about what would be the aspects of living in a city that I would love.
• 7:18
  Mary: What are the things I wish it were in my life that weren't?
• 7:23
  Mary: And this has moving and living here has really helped expand a lot of the things that we're missing, the ability to just build movement into our day.
• 7:34
  Mary: I mean, we walk all the time.
• 7:36
  Mary: We have amazing opportunities for food, and we go to there's a the oldest market ever in the United States is in our city, and we go there at least once a week.
• 7:49
  Mary: We get our veggies there and we get our meats there, and I usually get some flowers and my matcha.
• 7:56
  Mary: But those are just opportunities to really like live a life where we're involved in the in where we live.
• 8:03
  Mary: It's it's certainly not perfect, but it's it's helped to bring things into my life that weren't even a possibility before.
• 8:11
  Mary: But if I had clung to this idea of I'm a country girl, then I would be missing this great opportunity.
• 8:20
  Mary: And again, you don't have to do something forever.
• 8:23
  Mary: I mean, we may not live in the city until we die.
• 8:26
  Mary: Who knows?
• 8:27
  Mary: Um, you can change your mind, but for now it's been a great experience.
• 8:31
  Mary: And going along with that, you all know I'm a gardener.
• 8:35
  Mary: I love my gardens, I love my plants.
• 8:39
  Mary: It is tiny now, but it's helped me being be able to expand into other things.
• 8:45
  Mary: I have more time now to read a book or again to walk and explore different areas.
• 8:51
  Mary: And sometimes when we allow ourselves to experience something that we never imagined we would want to experience, we find the things about it that are attractive that we didn't recognize.
• 9:05
  Mary: And so here's the final thing, and this is the newest thing.
• 9:09
  Mary: Two days ago, somehow it got in my mind that I want to get a dog.
• 9:15
  Mary: And so I've had a dog before, a wonderful doggy named Benny, and he died 12 years ago.
• 9:22
  Mary: We had dogs when I was a kid, and of course, now I have cats.
• 9:28
  Mary: And about three years ago, Mike and I had six cats, and now we're down to three.
• 9:35
  Mary: And some of that was illness.
• 9:38
  Mary: There was an accident, which I won't get into, but we lost three of our kitties.
• 9:42
  Mary: So we have three left.
• 9:43
  Mary: They're elderly.
• 9:44
  Mary: We have like a geriatric cat home right now.
• 9:48
  Mary: But I'm not getting the cat affection that I want because the ones who were affectionate are not with us anymore.
• 9:56
  Mary: And y'all know if you're a cat person, that you are rolling the dice when you choose a cat.
• 10:02
  Mary: You don't really know what its personality is going to be like.
• 10:04
  Mary: Sometimes it takes a while till it warms up, and it might be a lap cat and it might be one of those cats that basically can sort of give you the proverbial finger, you know, like just look at you like, okay, whatever, and walk away.
• 10:19
  Mary: One of the reasons I love cats.
• 10:21
  Mary: But with a dog, you're usually getting something that is more um interactive, more responsive to what you're looking for.
• 10:31
  Mary: And again, not always, but we just move to a townhome in the city.
• 10:37
  Mary: We don't have a backyard.
• 10:39
  Mary: Why now would I think about getting a dog?
• 10:43
  Mary: And I think this is a classic example of if you had told me six months ago you're gonna live in the city and then you're gonna want to get a dog, I'd be like, why would we get a dog?
• 10:53
  Mary: Like, that doesn't even make sense.
• 10:55
  Mary: There's not a backyard for it to run in.
• 10:57
  Mary: But people have dogs in this city all the time.
• 11:00
  Mary: We can take the dog to the park.
• 11:02
  Mary: And we have a lovely park that's only a mile from us.
• 11:05
  Mary: It's a county park with trails.
• 11:07
  Mary: And we haven't gotten there yet.
• 11:10
  Mary: But if we have a dog, then we have more motivation to get there and not just walk around the streets of the city, but we have parks in the city, so we can also take the dog to those parks.
• 11:22
  Mary: And, you know, I think we travel a lot, so that could be another barrier.
• 11:28
  Mary: But it doesn't have to be a barrier.
• 11:30
  Mary: You know, there's a solution to everything.
• 11:32
  Mary: And I think if you have either, you know, friends that will keep your dog or you cultivate a doggy daycare situation, you know, there's a lot of options.
• 11:43
  Mary: And so if you stick to a vision of your life too stringently, the kind of parent you think you should be, the kind of employee, the kind of spouse, I'm not the kind of person to blank.
• 11:57
  Mary: If that is part of your thinking, then maybe it's time to think, but what if I was?
• 12:04
  Mary: What if I was the kind of person to have a dog in the city?
• 12:07
  Mary: What if I was the kind of person to downsize from a half acre of woods and garden to a tiny little garden in the back of my house in the city?
• 12:16
  Mary: What would that be like?
• 12:17
  Mary: And sometimes those things won't make sense for you.
• 12:21
  Mary: You will decide, no, I don't want that.
• 12:24
  Mary: But I think the point that Austin Cleon is making is that while it's great to have goals and ideas, sometimes if we think we have to do it a certain way, or we think this is only who I am, this is the person.
• 12:41
  Mary: I am defined by these things and I am nothing else.
• 12:44
  Mary: We can put an and in there.
• 12:46
  Mary: I'm a country girl, and right now I live in the city.
• 12:49
  Mary: I'm a cat mom, and I think we're gonna get a dog.
• 12:53
  Mary: You know, these are all things that, you know, creating the experiences, creating the life that you think you want can be really amazing.
• 13:01
  Mary: So I would challenge you to start to think about where are some things that you want to expand into.
• 13:10
  Mary: And we all have these things.
• 13:11
  Mary: I think we can feel it, but we can quickly dismiss it.
• 13:16
  Mary: So if you have something like in my instance, I think I want to get a dog, instead of immediately coming up with the yeah, but you know, yeah, but you live, you know, in a townhome.
• 13:29
  Mary: Yeah, but you don't have a backyard.
• 13:32
  Mary: Those are all things that you can be curious about.
• 13:35
  Mary: And is there another way?
• 13:36
  Mary: And you may end up saying, okay, no, it was fun to explore that.
• 13:39
  Mary: I don't want that.
• 13:41
  Mary: But if you dismiss it out of hand, you can miss an awful lot of really cool stuff.
• 13:46
  Mary: So before I end, I want to read one more quote and Austin put this in the book.
• 13:52
  Mary: Give me a second, I gotta get through the page.
• 13:53
  Mary: You're gonna hear me turning pages.
• 13:55
  Mary: Okay, so EL Doctor O.
• 13:58
  Mary: This was a quote.
• 14:00
  Mary: It's like driving at night in the fog.
• 14:02
  Mary: You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
• 14:07
  Mary: And I think that is such a beautiful image.
• 14:10
  Mary: So that is what is on my mind.
• 14:12
  Mary: I wanted to share that because that's the book I just finished.
• 14:14
  Mary: And again, I would love if you would click the link in the show notes.
• 14:19
  Mary: Just give me your thoughts.
• 14:21
  Mary: Um, sometimes I feel like, you know, I could just be talking into the void, but when I hear back from y'all, it's great because I feel like then we're sort of having a conversation and I love that.
• 14:32
  Mary: So I hope this piqued your interest, gave you some ideas about what to explore.
• 14:37
  Mary: And until next time, go out into the world and be the amazing, resilient, vibrant violet that you are.