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Growth Spurt: How to Disagree Without Creating Conflict · The Growth Project

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  You.
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  Drew. Brandon here with amylose. And I want to talk a little bit today about disagreements. We've all had them. The fact is that despite your best effort, you will find yourself having disagreements with others sometimes. And so I think one of the best things you can do is to have a little bit of awareness around how can we go about those more effectively and differently in an effort to,
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  facilitate a better conversation and then ultimately a better outcome?
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  So I want to give you a couple tips to keep in mind beginning with this.
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  When you go into a conversation in which you feel differently than the person who's on the other side of that discussion, one of the most important things you must do is just have humility in the scenario. Right. And here's what I have found is one of the best ways to do that.
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  We have all been in a situation somewhere in our past where we felt really, really passionate about our position or a decision or a direction we felt like we should go. We were completely convinced and committed to that being the best path. And so what did we do? We fought for it, right? And we might have disagreed and argued whatever it might be.
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  And,
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  gotten a little bit further down the timeline. And what did we eventually learn? We were wrong. Right? That wasn't the best plan. That wasn't the best approach to whatever the problem was we were trying to solve for. And what should that create with inside of you? There should be some humility around that, right? And when you can think about that and kind of pull that memory back up, either prior to going into a conversation or maybe even in the midst of it, it's so much easier to maintain that posture of humility and openness.
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  It doesn't mean you have to change your mind, but it gives you a little bit of a better frame of reference to to keep in mind that you know what? Like, I've been here before. I fought really hard and it turned out I was wrong. When we, remind ourselves of that. I think you have those conversations more effectively.
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  You don't stay so closely tied to your position and possibly cross some thresholds and some boundaries that you really shouldn't cross with the person that you're talking with. So humility is a huge part of that. That you really want to keep in mind. The second one would be this you don't change people's minds. They change their own minds.
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  So I've seen too many people get into a disagreement and fight as if they actually have the ability to grab a hold of a person's perspective or grab a hold of their opinion and, and, you know, engineer it, change it. It just really doesn't work that way. You're much better off trying to have an effective conversation to where,
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  you feel heard, right?
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  Everybody wants to feel heard, but the best way to do that is to hear the other person. So unfortunately, these disagreements often become this this back and forth, this tug of war where it's very tense and conflictual. And I think part of what drives that is you're trying to change a person's mind. You're much better off listening well, asking good questions.
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  And certainly there's a time for you to share not just what you feel, but why you feel that way. But just recognize, like, what is your truest job in that moment, in a in a moment of disagreement. Your job is to be an effective listener. Your job is to communicate effectively, and your job is to be able to walk away knowing that I might not change this person's mind.
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  That might not happen right now. A final thing I would encourage you to really think about is, people sometimes lose sight of the fact that you can have an additional conversation so we don't have to fit everything in this moment. In fact, oftentimes what happens is a conversation progresses to a point where it's just clear and evident that we need to be done.
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  And once you get there, unfortunately, sometimes people continue to just persist and persist and persist. You're much better off calling it a day. So don't feel like you have to get it all in in that one conversation. Have some patience. Be willing to call it a day and then regroup with with composure, with some some poise to how you want to go about this with the newfound organization around.
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  Okay, well, here's where here's the ground we've covered. I don't have to cover all that ground again. There's a lot of thought that should go into how to have a healthy disagreement with someone else. And, and so I just, I think a big part of what I would hope for people is can you develop the skills needed to have a different opinion and it not turn into a major conflictual, tension filled
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  dynamic between you, another person?