Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / A Narcissists Favorite Tactic To Control You. ISOLATION

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A Narcissists Favorite Tactic To Control You. ISOLATION · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So what is a narcissist favorite tactic to control you?
• 0:06
  The favorite tactic that they try to use to get control of
• 0:10
  you? Their favorite method of power
• 0:13
  and control that they exude or just express upon you?
• 0:17
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all, in today's video.
• 0:20
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:22
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to yet another episode
• 0:25
  of The Narcissist Code. Let's go.
• 0:46
  Oh hey, I didn't see you there. What's going on y'all?
• 0:49
  So a narcissist favorite tactic that they used to control you?
• 0:53
  One of them. Probably the most popular tactic
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  the most, and sometimes it can be the most.
• 0:58
  It's the most popular, but yet it can be the most covert at the
• 1:01
  same time. What tactic am I talking about
• 1:04
  today? Isolation.
• 1:08
  Narcissistic people love, love, love to isolate you from your
• 1:15
  friends and your family members. This just, yeah, damn near.
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  I don't think anybody is exempt to some form of isolation in a
• 1:26
  toxic relationship dynamic. You know, everybody, it's going
• 1:30
  to be different for everybody, right?
• 1:31
  Let's just say this right here. It's going to be different for
• 1:35
  everyone. Everyone that deals with a
• 1:37
  narcissist is going to be dealing with this narcissistic
• 1:40
  person in a different way. No2 relationships are going to
• 1:44
  be the exact same. That's just not how it goes,
• 1:47
  right? That's not how it goes down.
• 1:48
  That's not how it happens. But as you're doing this with,
• 1:53
  as you're dealing with this narcissistic person, you
• 1:55
  understand that your relationship is unique in and of
• 1:58
  itself. So yes, you are going to
• 2:00
  experience isolation in a different way.
• 2:03
  Some narcissists isolate you from your friends and family
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  members by moving you away from everybody.
• 2:11
  They'll to pick up and take your, let's move to, yeah,
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  let's, let's say y'all live in North Carolina like me and you
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  just like they, they, they want to pick up and move to
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  California. And you're like, well, I don't
• 2:22
  know anybody in California. Well, my whole family is there.
• 2:25
  So I guess you, if you don't love me, you wouldn't come.
• 2:27
  And then because you believe in love, because you believe in
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  giving people chances, because you believe like this might be
• 2:33
  your, your best chance and your best opportunity to find love,
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  you decide to hop on that plane and move across the country.
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  And then also you start talking to your friends less, start
• 2:42
  talking to your family less. You, you, you doing everything
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  less nowadays, everything becomes less.
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  You don't see your friends and family as much.
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  You don't talk to them as much. Everything now is less, is less
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  than what it used to be. It's less than how it how it
• 2:56
  went now. So they take you away from your
• 2:59
  friends and family by just creating that natural barrier,
• 3:01
  that natural distance. You mean you might still talk to
• 3:04
  them, but it might not be as much, right.
• 3:06
  You're in a different time zone. You know, it doesn't have to be
• 3:09
  as extreme as moving to the other side of the country or
• 3:13
  different country. They can.
• 3:14
  Yeah. They can move you from your the
• 3:16
  street. Let's say your family has a
• 3:17
  street that y'all have you grew up on.
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  You grew up on the street with your family members.
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  They can move you away from that street.
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  So now you feeling like you're away from home.
• 3:24
  Now you see how it works. It's going to be something
• 3:27
  different from everyone. Everyone is going to experience
• 3:29
  a toxic narcissistic person in a different way.
• 3:32
  No2 are the same. So some of them can just move
• 3:36
  you to a different city within the same state.
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  Move you to a different town within the same state.
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  Doesn't always have to be as extreme as moving across the
• 3:44
  country or leaving the country. It can be.
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  They can just get you away from them by creating that natural
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  boundary of distance, right? They love to isolate you.
• 3:52
  Isolation gives them power. Let's keep it hot and ready like
• 3:56
  a Little Caesar's pizza. Narcissist isolate you because
• 4:02
  it makes them feel like they have more power and control over
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  you. That's one of the main reasons
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  that they want to isolate you, because they feel stronger.
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  They feel like they're in control.
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  They feel like what what I say is what I say goes and you have
• 4:17
  no one else around you to further put in any type of input
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  in or anything like that. So you are under my control.
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  You are under my purview. You do what I say, do what I say
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  goes. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's why they love it so much. They love to isolate.
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  He's a favorite tactic and that's it.
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  Some of them, like a lot of narcissists, will not outright
• 4:41
  tell you to leave people alone, right?
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  They won't tell you to cut off your friends and family.
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  They'll just do it subtly. They'll just do it in a subtle
• 4:49
  way. Like you, let's say your best
• 4:51
  friend, your best home girl, your bestie, right?
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  Your friend that you've loved for a long time.
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  Let's just say this is your BFF, your bestie, your home girl, all
• 5:00
  of this, all of the above, right?
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  And all of a sudden your narcissistic boyfriend or
• 5:05
  husband comes to you. Like, you know, your friend
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  wants to bang me, right? Your friend is being giving me
• 5:10
  those bedroom eyes and I don't look.
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  I don't like it. I just look.
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  I'm, I just want to tell you because I'm a good person.
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  Your friend doesn't like them, right?
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  Your friend doesn't want them, but like your mind, because this
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  narcissistic person might have already been trying to make you
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  insecure, might have already been, might have already been
• 5:28
  trying to find some insecurities within you.
• 5:31
  They just you, you might believe them.
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  You might start to kind of notice things like I noticed
• 5:37
  this stuff right here. This is kind of evil, this is
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  what's going on, this is how it's happened.
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  This is what went down and that right there, y'all can just be
• 5:45
  just as damn evil, right? This is darkness, this is evil,
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  this is hurt, this is pain, this is how it goes down right here.
• 5:53
  But this is the mentality, this is the mental right here.
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  Y'all like, narcissistic people love to isolate you because it
• 5:59
  makes them feel in charge, because they don't want any type
• 6:02
  of outside influence on you in your relationship with them.
• 6:06
  They feel like because if you're with me and I'm in control and
• 6:11
  then you're isolated, you don't have a support system.
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  That means if you have a complaint about me, you have to
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  talk to me about it. No one else wants to hear it.
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  So guess what? How?
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  How? Yeah, I feel like everybody can
• 6:26
  answer this question right here. How does your narcissistic
• 6:29
  partner or friend or whoever it is, how do they act when you
• 6:32
  bring them an issue with the about them anybody?
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  How do they behave when you come to them about an issue that has
• 6:43
  to do with them? Typically that they don't act
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  right, do they? They're not going to be nice.
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  They're not be kind, caring, compassionate.
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  They're going to lose their damn minds, right?
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  They don't want to hear it. They're going to shun you.
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  Get the hell away from me. I don't want to hear this.
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  I don't want to hear that. That's the type of stuff they're
• 6:58
  going to do. They're going to play games with
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  you. They don't want to hear it tell
• 7:02
  tell that to somebody else. And then you, when you don't
• 7:04
  have any more friends and family around, they're going to pick on
• 7:06
  you. This is how they do this is what
• 7:09
  they do. This is how they behave.
• 7:10
  This is how they act about it. But this is what you're going to
• 7:13
  have to deal with seriously. So I say that to say all this
• 7:17
  right here. Y'all don't.
• 7:19
  Like I said, if it's sometimes it's not too late, but if you
• 7:21
  feel like that narcissistic person is trying to drive a
• 7:23
  wedge between your family members and your friends, you
• 7:26
  have to pull that wedge out. I'm just telling you because
• 7:29
  sometimes, look, the crazy about it is sometimes that wedge is
• 7:33
  going to sound weird. Sometime that wedge that they're
• 7:37
  driving between you and your friends comes from you.
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  You're the one who's hammering the wedge down because like
• 7:44
  sometimes like when you're going back and forth in this toxicity
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  because like you get trauma bonded or whatever the case may
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  be, because this person has pulled you into this addictive
• 7:52
  cycle. You're addicted to this person
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  now. The back and forth has pulled
• 7:56
  you, has drawn you in and you, it hurts to leave or whatever
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  the case may be, but your friends and family members have
• 8:02
  been telling you over and over again that you need to leave
• 8:05
  this relationship, that you need to protect yourself, that you
• 8:07
  need to choose yourself. And then you finally, you keep
• 8:09
  going back. Sometimes your friends and
• 8:12
  family members will start to cut you off.
• 8:15
  They don't want to hear it anymore.
• 8:17
  They don't want to see you deteriorating while you're in
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  this relationship, deteriorating while you're in this
• 8:23
  relationship. They don't want to see this
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  happening to you. So they cut you off, they love
• 8:29
  you, but they cut you off. They don't want to hear it
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  anymore. So you going back into the into
• 8:33
  this toxicity has created this natural isolation from your
• 8:37
  friends and family members. And because sometimes when you
• 8:40
  go back into the toxicity and you don't, you know they're
• 8:43
  going to cut your office, not you don't even tell the people
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  you going back into it. You created this natural
• 8:48
  isolation again by going back into it and then not telling
• 8:51
  people that you're going through it again because you're ashamed
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  because they told you, hey, if you go back, I'm not talking to
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  you again. And if you go back, but you
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  don't want to lose your friends and family.
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  So now you're isolated and you're suffering in silence
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  because you don't feel like you can tell your your friends and
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  family members about what you're going through.
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  You don't feel like you can share this with your support
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  system because they wouldn't understand.
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  That's why it's so important to find a support system.
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  The support group or something like that.
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  They has people that you understand.
• 9:16
  I have one right here. It's going across the bottom of
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  the screen right now. It's mental illness.net.
• 9:21
  See culture and support groups available at mentalillness.net.
• 9:27
  Check it out. Because you want to be you want,
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  let's say even if you've been successfully isolated from your
• 9:34
  friends and family, you want to have people that you can vent
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  to, that you can talk to that understand what you were that
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  you, what you're experiencing and understanding what you're
• 9:41
  going through. Because at the end of the day,
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  that helps you out because you always have people to lean on.
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  And when you, if you have people to lean on, that can absolutely
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  empower you right there. Having people to lean on can
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  absolutely empower you in ways that you never ever imagined.
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  It can absolutely empower you in ways that you never thought
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  possible. You like, what the hell?
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  I never even knew that would happen.
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  I didn't know that was going on with what, what, what, what.
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  And that can really mess with you as well, you know, so having
• 10:14
  a support group and having a support system is important to
• 10:19
  healing and growth. That's why narcissists don't
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  want you to have support systems or groups or friends and family
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  members, because they don't want you to heal.
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  Your yeah, your healing does not make them feel better.
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  Your you healing and being better and doing better makes
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  them feel bad. It makes them feel like you're
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  going to leave them. So if anything, they're going to
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  try to hinder your healing. If anything, they're going to
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  try to stop you from healing. Why would they?
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  Yeah, Why would they want you to heal?
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  You see what I'm saying? You got to ask yourself that
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  right there. Why would they want you to heal?
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  If they're benefiting from your you being in disarray or you
• 10:55
  being confused or your mind just wondering if they're benefiting
• 10:59
  from that, why on earth would they want you to heal and feel
• 11:03
  better? If they're benefiting from you,
• 11:07
  from your confusion, or they're benefiting from it, why would
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  they want you to feel better? You see, why would they want you
• 11:14
  to get healthier? Why would they want you to be
• 11:15
  around friends and family who are going to tell you to leave
• 11:18
  them? Narcissistic people are super
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  paranoid, y'all. They think everybody's talking
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  negative about them. They think you're talking
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  negative about them. They think their friends and
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  family are talking negative about them.
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  You should leave them. That's why all that's going on
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  in the mind of a narcissist. They're always thinking that
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  somebody in your life is telling you to leave them alone.
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  And that right there in and of itself should be a red flag to
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  you right there, right, that they're worried about people
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  telling you to leave them alone. Why would people tell me that?
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  Why would if you treat me so well?
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  Why would people tell me to leave you alone?
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  Oh, they're just jealous and they won't.
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  They want me. They don't want you to be
• 11:52
  treated this way. That's why.
• 11:54
  You see, it ain't all about this.
• 11:56
  It ain't all about that rabble rabble rabble, blah blah blah.
• 11:58
  Boo Boo Boo. We all thank you for tuning in
• 12:01
  y'all. Again, isolation is a narcissist
• 12:05
  favorite tactic. They love to isolate you.
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  They love to get you one-on-one. They love to get you by yourself
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  because at the end of the day, they benefit greatly from it.
• 12:13
  Before we go y'all should we on on.
• 12:16
  On April 5th we're coming to St. Louis, MO and then on April 12th
• 12:20
  we're coming to Durham, NC for our next Healing from and
• 12:25
  Surviving Narcissistic Abuse workshops.
• 12:27
  Saint Louis on the 5th, Durham on the on the 12th.
• 12:31
  Our next workshops is scrolling across the bottom of the screen
• 12:34
  right now is Mental illness.net/events to get
• 12:38
  registered for these events. Y'all like I said these events
• 12:41
  are amazing events. We help a lot of people at these
• 12:43
  events, me and Renee, my and myself, we're coming to you.
• 12:47
  These are pictures from my last event right there.
• 12:48
  That's Neo on stage in Dallas. This is in Houston.
• 12:52
  This is in Dallas, this is in Dallas.
• 12:55
  That's Houston. That's Washington DC, that's
• 12:58
  Dallas again. That's Dallas.
• 13:00
  That's DC, that's Houston. That's Houston.
• 13:03
  We've been everywhere, y'all. That's Dallas again.
• 13:05
  Get signed up. mentalillness.net/events.
• 13:08
  We will see you there and hit the subscribe button as well,
• 13:11
  y'all. I am out.
• 13:12
  Peace.