Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Is It Just Us, Or Do Waiters Ask You This Question?

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Is It Just Us, Or Do Waiters Ask You This Question? · I Do, Part 2

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey there folks, it is Monday, September 7th. It is
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Labor Day and this is not the episode we planned
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: to record. But we're doing it now because Robes is
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: really fired up about something. Something that waiters ask us
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: at the end of our meal that really pisses her off.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: TJ Robes. Tell them, tell them all, tell them the
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: question we get that for whatever reason we'll get into
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: just kind of irks you.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: It doesn't just kind of irk me. It definitely bothers me.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: And I'm not assigning any sort of malintent behind the question.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: But my God, it sticks out like a sore thumb.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Why? Go ahead. What is it? You can tell folks.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm trying to think exactly how they word it.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: But you offer them one credit card and say, could
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: we get a bill? And then they look at you
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: offering them a single card and say, would you like
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: this on two separate checks? A version of that. Would
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: you like this separated into two? And I look at
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: them and I think, is that an actual joke? You
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: didn't say, can we split the bill? You didn't say, hey,
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: can we have our check split? You say, can we
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: get the bill? And you actually always have a credit
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: card ready and you show it to them. And they
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: look at me and they say, would you like to
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: split the bill?
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Okay. So this happens, and let's give the count. We
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: kind of negotiated what we think the number of times
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: this is. But you and I eat out quite a bit.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: I mean, at least once a day, let's be honest.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: That's true.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: At least. That's actually kind of embarrassing to admit, but
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: it's true.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: We're in a restaurant once a day.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: We are.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Sometimes twice.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: Sometimes.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: And if you get just on some days, it might
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: be three times.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: That's really embarrassing to admit, but- No, why? It's fine.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Because we're in New York City, and it's like, how
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: could you possibly get- It's convenient, and you could not
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: possibly get better food. Like, it's the best of the best.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Okay. Then there it is.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: But, okay, so we're out quite a bit. So we
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: are saying quite a bit to a waiter, can we
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: get our check? So we're trying to decide how often
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: it happens. Now, it happened the other day. Damn, what
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: restaurant was it?
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Damn it.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Damn it, Rome. So was it. This just happened. It
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: was yesterday.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: It was yesterday.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Where were we? Oh, my God. It matters not.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: The point being is, I would say, initially, look, we
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: have our restaurants that are our go-tos.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: They know us.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Obviously. Obviously, it wouldn't happen there. But in restaurants that
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: we are first-timers in. Yes. Yes. Which is a couple
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: times a week. I initially said 50% of the time.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: That's what it felt like to me.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: And you know what? I want to believe it's been less.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: You might still be right. But it's 40. It's 35.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: We landed between 30 and 40%.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Okay. That's a high percentage.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Regardless okay so what does that suggest robes it suggests
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: if someone asks that they believe we are not then
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: a couple okay correct so what's the big deal what
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: what who cares why is that a problem okay why
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: is that offensive even to you that people see us
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: maybe they don't see how we're interacting i don't know
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: babe so you please take.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: The mic All I can tell you is I started
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: to organically notice it and notice it and notice it.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: And it started to bother me more and more and
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: more each time because. We come in together. We're laughing.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: We're fairly effusive. I think anyone who has ever been
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: in our presence can see the love, the compatibility, the fun,
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: and maybe we like each other too much. Maybe that's
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: why they don't think we're a couple, but that's too
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: much of a pass, so I'm not actually going to
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: give that. That was a bad attempt at humor. But
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: the point being is I have never in my life.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Been with a white counterpart, whether I was on a
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: date or in a relationship or not, where that white
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: man said, can we have the bill and had a
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: credit card? And the waiter asks, can I split the
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: bill or do you need the bill split? I've never
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: once in my life ever been questioned. Like I obviously,
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: if you say, can we have the bill split? That's
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: one thing. But I have never had a waiter assume
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: or even after an offer is made to pay the bill,
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: the waiter then asks the question, can I split the
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: bill for you? So the assumption that we're not together
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: is so often that it, yes, it kind of blows
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: my mind and it starts to annoy me.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Why is it annoying to you that folks don't assume
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: we're together?
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Because there's no recognition that we could be. And I
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: think that's an inherent form of racism. I don't think
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: anyone means anything by it. I don't think anyone is
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: intending harm by it. But I just think it's an
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: exposure and a way to take a look back like, wow,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't have thought they were together.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Because we're not the same age? No. Do we look
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: like we could be together? I would say yes. The
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: only reason why we might not be a couple is
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: because you're black and I'm white. And I get it.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: But after a certain point, when it happens over and
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: over and over again, it's hard not to feel offended.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: I know they don't mean anything by it. And you're
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: laughing at me because this is the first time I'm
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: like a white person. But I actually just got a
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: taste of, wow, to be viewed through a lens that
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: is so not what you're actually looking at.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: It's weird. And I listened to you because I would
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: defer because you're the only one here that has dated
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: a white man before. You're the only one that knows
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: what it's like to show up to a restaurant as
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: a white couple. So I will defer to you and
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: what your experience has been. I will defer to you
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: and respect when you say this is a unique experience. Now,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: what else could we attribute it to? Is there anything?
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to clear the slate. I'm trying to make
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: sure I'm not missing something else about us and our
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: appearance and how we behave and how we are that
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: would suggest to 40% of waiters that that we might
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: not be on the same bill.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: No, the only other thing you would assume is we're
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: coworkers or we're friends.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Which we are.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: We were both of those, and we were all of
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: those things.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: We remain both of those things, by the way.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: That actually is true. Okay. But, no, if you were
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: white or I were black, I don't think they would ask,
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: can we split the bill for you? After you ask
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: for the bill, and do not say, can we take
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: a look at the receipt?
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Or you don't even.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: acknowledge that there needs to be any sort of questioning
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: of who has the bill who's looking at the bill
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: no that i've never experienced that before and there's no
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: other thing i don't believe that differentiates us from being
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: a couple we and again and i guess people don't
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: pay that much attention but if you took two seconds
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: to look at us i think it's pretty clear we're
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: more than friends right i mean wouldn't you think that's
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: a fair thing to say.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, then, babe, what are we talking about? Okay, how
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: about this? Can you go back to a time... This
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: is a tough ask. Any time, other than if you're
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: with a girlfriend or a group of girlfriends, that you've
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: been asked that question out at dinner about splitting a check?
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: No, I actually don't. It's only when I have asked
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: to split a check. I always feel like waiters defer
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: and are hoping... that you don't split the check. That's
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: an annoying thing for a waiter typically to have to do.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I always feel bad if I do have
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: to ask to the point where when I've been with
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: a group of girlfriends, one of us usually says, I
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: got it. Y'all can just Venmo me, whatever you think,
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: because we don't want to put it on the waiter.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: It is an extra step a waiter has to take.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: That is why I am blown away when we don't
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: ask for or even suggest that we might even consider
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: two separate checks, that they offer it, that they question
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: us being together.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: But why is it that irksome to you that people
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: just don't make the assumption? I know you don't, there's
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: no malintent. You don't, you're not suggesting that.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting that.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: But why does that irk you that people see us
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: and jump to a different conclusion other than what they
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: would normally jump to if a couple walks into a
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: restaurant at 1230 on a Sunday and for brunch and
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: order bottomless mimosas, and they're touching hands at the table
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: and laughing and having a good time and seem of
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: similar age, and one has an engagement ring on. Now, what, sweetheart,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: could possibly, what is it, is that I'm trying to
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: leave room for looking at us and going, why would
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I assume they're together?
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: It just makes me sad that it seems so out
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: of the ordinary that they would have to question or
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: they didn't feel comfortable assuming we were together.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Ah, you've hit on something else. That's different. Okay. Okay.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: That's different. Ah, we finally get around to it. I'm
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: seeing in the reverse now. They're so bothered about possibly
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: making a mistake. that they err on the side of
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: more safety?
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: I guess.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: It's a mistake. How awkward would it be to assume
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: these two are together and they're not?
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: That that would be worse than assuming they are together. Yes,
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: there's something that just... Look, again, I know there's no malintent,
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: but there's something about it that makes me... me so
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: sad that we're so afraid to assume that that could
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: actually be a thing. That they could actually be together.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Bros, interracial couples are not some new idea.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: No, but we are still rare. Even in New York City...
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: Not that... I'm telling you. I've asked you. Take a look.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Count.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: They... Even in New York City... It is still a rarity.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: It is still a rarity to see an interracial couple.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: It just is. And I will say that I think
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: there is a fear of assumption. Like, I wouldn't want
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: to presume maybe that'll make everybody feel awkward. I just
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: think it's like a glaring example of this fear we
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: all have of just saying it's okay and normalizing it.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: And that just makes me sad. And look, it doesn't
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: just happen in restaurants anymore. It happens when we walk
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: into retail stores all the time.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Wait, what happened? What am I missing?
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: All the time. I'll walk in. They'll say, hey, ma'am,
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: are you looking for anything? And I was like, no.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: And they'll look at you and they'll say, sir, can
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: I help you? They won't assume we're together.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: They greet me separately.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: They greet you separately.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, you're right. That does happen.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: It happens almost every time. We literally walk in together.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, look at your hands.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: And... And then somehow we get slightly separated and we're
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: treated like.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: We didn't ever walk in together.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, maybe they didn't notice.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I'll give them a pass. Maybe they didn't notice. I'll
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: give them a pass.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: But I'm telling you, any time I've ever walked in
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: two steps ahead, two steps behind.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: With your white man.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: With my white man, no one has ever presumed that
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: they needed to greet us separately because we were not together.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you, anytime we walk into any establishment and
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: even come in together and clearly are interacting with one another,
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: no one will actually assume that we're a couple. And
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: it's weird to me. I've never been in an interracial
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: couple before in my life. So this is all new,
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: and it is kind of shocking how we're regarded. It
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: just is. Okay. Okay.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: This is one last thing I'm going to ask. I
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: know you notice it. You're mindful of it. But I
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: don't want to assign it to you. But you seem
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: genuinely irked, annoyed, angered, pissed, put off. What is it
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: that gets you to that place? This is not just
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: a funny observation of yours. This is something that as
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: we've gone along over years now, it really rubs you
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: the wrong way.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, because I get just a tiny taste of how
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: disrespected you must feel as a black man in America.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: And because I love you, I actually feel it as
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: much as I can as a privileged white woman. But yes,
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I get a sense of it. And I am kind
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: of blown away by it.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Let me ask why you think them asking that question
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: is a slight to me.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Because they're assuming... That we're not together. Why wouldn't they?
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: And I get greeted first. I usually get taken care
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: of first.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: That's what you should.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: And they're like, sir, I'm sorry. Who are you and
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: what do you need? It feels dismissive. And I hate it.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: And it makes me angry.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Okay. That's fair.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Well, stay with us, folks, because next I would really
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: like to hear how We should handle it the next
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: time this happens. Oh, and oh yeah, it's going to
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: happen again.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Welcome back, everyone, to Amy and TJ. So, all right,
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: you teased what's going to happen next time we are
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: approached by a waiter.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: How do you remember us handling it in the past?
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: We usually just kind of laugh it off and say... No,
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: I've got it. Or just kind of just reiterate, as
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: we said earlier, no, no, it's right here.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: One bill.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Is there not, can you not remember a time I
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: stopped and I asked somebody, why did you assume we're
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: not together? Is that not sounding familiar?
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: I do feel like maybe you did it. I do
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: think maybe you did it once.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: That's sounding familiar.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: And the waiter just laughed it off and was like,
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: I just didn't know. Like, you know, just obviously that's a...
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: Fair thing to say.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: How would you like to handle it moving forward? What's
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: the right way to do it? It's okay to be curious.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: You don't have to be angry. But again, I am curious.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I think we asked once, and I don't think we
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: got a good answer. But this is one of those things.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I am curious why someone makes that assumption and how
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: they would answer it. I haven't been upset as every
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: time it's happened. Only one of the two of us
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: has gotten worked up.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Right, but I'm curious. Have you ever, because I believe
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: I have. Okay, all right, so I can say this. Ever.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: Before you were with me as your fiancé, your girlfriend,
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: your fiancé, if you had a black woman on a
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: date with you, or as your wife, whoever, did anyone
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: ask you repeatedly enough where you noticed? Should we split
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: the bill?
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: That's right. I've gone to lunch with black lesbians and
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: they still didn't assume we weren't together.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Never. No, no, no. I'm trying to think of a
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: single time ever that I've been asked that question. Are you,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: should I split the bill when I am with, on
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: a date of any kind?
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Every single time.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, not every single time, but I would argue 50%
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: of the time. I feel like that has happened. There
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: have been times when there was even a high profile
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: time where I, they knew who we were and they
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: still asked it. And I just, we had a, a
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: hookup at a restaurant and I, they asked us if
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: we wanted to split the bill. I'm just, I feel
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: like that it just, it's never happened when we were
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: with our own race.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: So that is the question.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: How do you want to handle, what are we going
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: to do moving forward? Cause it's going to happen again
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: this week.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because it happened yesterday.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: It's going to happen.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know what the right thing
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: to do is because I wouldn't want them to feel
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: shame or that they did something abhorrent. But I would
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: actually genuinely want to know why they asked that. And
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: would they ask that if I were black or if
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: he were white? And I know that would immediately cause shame.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: But we don't want to do that.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: And you can't do that. But I don't know what
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: the question could be where you wouldn't. make somebody feel
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: terrible about their question.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, but I'm protecting the feelings of someone who has
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: already made me feel like this. So I'm saying there's
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: a way to respectfully just say, hey, why did you
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: ask that? You just assume we're not together? I'm just curious.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: And that's okay to ask. That's not rude.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: I think that's probably the best way probably to ask.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: And this reminds me, you know this story well. This building,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: we had an incident downstairs.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: We did, we did.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: When we first moved in here, Robes, we walked in.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: The guy at the front desk did not know us
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: at the time.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I'm carrying. We just come from the, what's the district
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: you call it? The flower district.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: Oh, the flower district. Yeah.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: The garden district. The garden district. I was carrying a
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: couple things. You, I'm not sure. You had a bag
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: in your hand.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: You were being a gentleman. You were carrying all the
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: heavy load, and I probably just had my purse. Fine. Whatever.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: You were walking behind me.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: We're going up the elevator.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: He doesn't recognize, according to him, either one of us.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: But he only says to you, is he with you? Now,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: at that point, I don't go crazy. I didn't throw
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: a fit. I said, why did you ask her if
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I was with her instead of asking me if she
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: was with me? Why is it you assumed she was
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: okay to be here and I'm not if you don't
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: recognize either one of us? Why did I get that treatment?
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: He lost his mind. I never said race. I never
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: said black. I never said white. I just said, why
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: did you ask her and not me if you don't
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: recognize either one of us? Went crazy.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: By the way, he wasn't white.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: He was from somewhere else, though.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Correct. I'm just saying.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: He was from somewhere else. But to your point, still,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: that is one of those moments to where I was
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: just curious about And he lost his mind. It was, yes. Okay.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: But those moments, babe, I was calm. I didn't get
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: upset because I'm used to it.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: You were just asking a question.
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: But no, no, no.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: But I say that, babe. When everything happens at the
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: restaurants with these guys, I'm used to not being regarded.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I'm used to not being taken seriously. I'm used to
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: not being respected. I am used to somebody looking at
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: me and thinking I'm not capable of paying for a
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: meal or of having a good enough credit to buy
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: this car. I'm used to it. You, yes, baby. And
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I think it's one of the greatest things in our relationship.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: And I think every white person in the world should
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: have your experience. To have someone you love that's black
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: and to go through life with them and you would
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: see things differently.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: It's so true.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: For somebody you love and respect to go, wow, I
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: had no idea. This is the type of crap you
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: deal with every day.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I didn't even understand when we first started hanging out.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: You're like, hey, can you go get the table? Like
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: you would ask me to go to the Mater D.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: And I didn't get it at first. And you have
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: always said to me, hey, can you handle the Airbnb
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: and the Virgo? Because with a name like Lutilius Holmes... yeah,
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: My face there.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: What to expect.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: We do all this. We had a call. We think
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: it wasn't quite what they call it, swatting. It wasn't that.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: But it was potentially. What we suspect somebody called.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: We had a swatting incident.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Kind of a thing. And the cops are on, our
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: front desk calls us and said, cops are on the
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: way up. We're like, what the hell? You're like, what
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: the hell are we doing? I said, baby, can you
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: pick up your glass of wine, please? I was like, no,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: I don't want them to.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: See me with a glass of wine in my hand.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: You're thinking you don't want to be in trouble. I'm
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: thinking I want them to see a very relaxed atmosphere
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: to make sure they know everything is chill here. Black guy,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: white woman. They showed up here, what, Robes? The call
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: of a, A teenager screaming or something?
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Some teenager who was acting inappropriately, who needed a welfare check.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: They thought that that teenager might have gone into our whatever.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: So my head first thing is cop, dangerous situation, walks in,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: opens the door, sees my black ass. robes will you
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: please come take care.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: Of this one yes that's my and i even said
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: come on in come look at the apartment you you
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: gave me a side eye on that one.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: No like please by all means do everything look.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: Everywhere oh my god what it is rob this is
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: another situation this is fascinating to me how things get
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: you worked up that i is just every day a
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: part of life since birth for me and it's It's fascinating.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I'm glad we talk about it. I do, babe. I
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: think most, I think more people need to just have
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: somebody you love that's black, that you respect, that you
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: will hear them about their experience and go, okay, I
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: love you enough and respect you enough to know that's real.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: And I have to say, like, I could hear you
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: say it and I believed you. I didn't not believe you.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: But then to actually experience it is altogether something different.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: That is true. So when you when you're with someone
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: enough and you love someone, you will all of a
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: sudden like, oh, and you don't even I don't know.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: It's not directed at me. It's only directed at someone
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: I love. So I still don't fully know what it
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: feels like. I just have a much better idea of
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: what it feels like. I still don't know the true
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: and full impact, but I have a much better idea
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: of it and the fact that I get worked up
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: about just that little thing. And I know that cracks
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: you up to an extent because it's so small compared
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: to the larger issue. But look, any step in that
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: direction towards one another where there's a little better understanding
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: of is a very important one. So look, anyone, any waiter,
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: anyone who hears this, we don't fault you. And I
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: don't know how I would have, I don't know. If
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: I hadn't had my experience, if I were waiting on
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: a couple, maybe I would have said the same thing.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Maybe I would have assumed the same things. You don't
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: know until you're in those shoes. But just a reminder,
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: don't make assumptions, right? Oh, my God.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Or no, make some about us. We are together. Assume
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: we are.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Yes, believe people when they show you who they are.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: There is nothing about us that anybody ever saw us
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: out somewhere. There's no suggestion we're anything other than.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: They must just be colleagues.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: There's nothing to suggest. All right, well, this was not...
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: We were supposed to do a Meghan Markle in Prince Harry.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: We were going to do a totally different, yes, episode.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: But look, this came off this weekend once again, and
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: I think it's an important topic. We'll speak a little
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: bit more about our experiences. It is a unique one.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: You're going to go out to dinner tonight?
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I'm good. I think we've gone out
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: enough tonight.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: We've had already two meals out.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness. And here's the baby she's calling. All right, folks.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: We appreciate you. As always, I'm TJ. That's Robes. And
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: we'll talk to you all soon.