Latest / Kenny Wallace Media / Interview With Renowned Weight Loss Coach Charles D'Angelo

Transcript

Interview With Renowned Weight Loss Coach Charles D'Angelo · Kenny Wallace Media

0:00
What's up everybody? Welcome to the show.
0:02
I am Charlie Marlow and we have another Charlie or Charles,
0:07
should I say Charles D'Angelo, weight loss coach joining us?
0:10
Charles, how you doing, man? My pleasure.
0:12
I'm doing great. All right, let's just start.
0:14
Let's start here. Tell people.
0:16
First, before we get to your story, just what exactly do you
0:20
do? So for those people who've never
0:23
seen me, I was 360 lbs as a kid. I weighed 360.
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I had a size 50 inch waist, the simplest things going up for
0:31
stairs, getting from the car to the curb, talking to other
0:36
people. All those things were very
0:38
difficult for me. I was morbidly overweight.
0:41
My health was really at risk and I had tried everything.
0:45
I had tried the diets, I tried the pills, I had tried the
0:48
machines, all these different methods and approaches.
0:51
And despite my sincere efforts as a kid, I found that something
0:55
was missing. And that something I came to
0:58
realize was the mindset. How do you really change the way
1:02
you think? How do you really change the way
1:04
you address food? You address yourself?
1:07
How do you disconnect from using food in an emotional way?
1:10
And then two years of personal work, I lost 160 lbs.
1:15
And that was when I was in high school and my life was on fire.
1:17
I mean, everything was better. I had so much energy.
1:20
I had so much confidence. And I thought, my goodness, this
1:23
was so simple. It wasn't as complicated as I'd
1:26
imagined to be. And so I made it my mission to
1:29
help other people. And now for the last 20 plus
1:32
years, it's the only thing I've done is is helping other people
1:36
change the way they think and by doing so, change their habits
1:40
and change their life. OK, so when you were in high
1:43
school, what shifted for you though?
1:46
Did you have a coach or did you read a book?
1:48
You said you tried everything. Obviously eventually you figured
1:51
it out. What?
1:52
What was the point where you figured out, and how did that
1:55
happen? So I always tell people the how
1:58
is not nearly as important as the why.
2:01
We all have to get to a place where we're so focused on the
2:04
reasons that change has to be a must.
2:07
They were willing to do whatever is necessary to do it.
2:09
So it really wasn't something mechanical.
2:12
It wasn't some magical plan, it wasn't some piece of exercise
2:15
equipment. It wasn't some program.
2:18
It was really a shift in philosophy, changing my
2:22
philosophy about myself, starting to value myself enough
2:25
to actually make daily deposits of discipline so that I would
2:29
start to move in the direction of the goals I had.
2:31
There wasn't one specific thing that resulted in me deciding
2:35
that moment really was at hand. All of us have a series of
2:41
events, usually when we make any change happen.
2:43
For me, it was I was in a classroom and I was about to
2:47
take an exam and my heart was just beating out of my chest.
2:51
I was sweating profusely. I was looking down at the the
2:55
test and there were droplets of sweat hitting the exam.
2:58
And I remember looking outside the classroom door and the
3:01
nurse, school nurse walked by and she looked at me and she
3:05
motioned for me to to come out there.
3:07
And she wanted to take my blood pressure, but I wouldn't let
3:10
her. I was just too fearful of facing
3:12
what might really be a a problem I was having.
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And and so I had this, this moment where I realized that if
3:19
I wasn't going to make serious changes, I might not live to see
3:22
my high school graduation. And that was, that was kind of a
3:25
really big transition for me of realizing, my gosh, I'm 17, I'm
3:29
360 lbs. I hadn't dated any girls.
3:35
I I never played sports as a kid.
3:37
I recognized that life was really passing me by and I
3:41
wanted to get a lot more from my life.
3:43
I didn't want to just continue to go through my life.
3:46
So when we're about to make a change, we've got to get
3:49
disturbed. And so we've got to let things
3:51
kind of accumulate to the place where we feel that it's it's a
3:54
must. None of the week, none of the
3:56
month, none of the years can go by them and live this way.
3:59
And so those types of events staffed up.
4:01
I I made the decision that I was going to change, and the rest
4:04
has been history. I started to commit to a real,
4:07
healthy way of eating nothing exotic or crazy and exercising
4:12
routinely and being consistent. That's really for most people.
4:16
What's missing is most people have a rather clear idea of
4:22
what's healthy and what isn't. But they find it difficult to do
4:25
what they know. They find it difficult to stay
4:27
consistent. And that's why I've come in my
4:29
life to coaching people, helping them not only develop a high
4:32
resolution strategy of exactly what to do, knowing what to eat,
4:35
when to eat, where to get from. But also how is it you're going
4:39
to be able to stay committed when difficulties come up in
4:41
life, when you're or when you have kids, or when you go
4:45
through a career shift or any number of challenges that any of
4:47
us might face? OK, so when you're coaching
4:50
folks now and I'm guessing you can tell me you're coaching
4:54
folks of different ages, is the mindset or or basically the
4:58
strategy the same for like a high school kid like you were 20
5:02
some years ago or let's say a 50 year old, 6 year old.
5:06
And then as I'm thinking, I'm also wondering you, you
5:09
basically started your coaching career kind of with the
5:13
evolution of social media for kids and smartphones.
5:17
So I'm also wondering as I, as I think about this question, it's
5:20
got to be kind of a different strategy with with folks that
5:23
are teenagers than it was when you were a teenager.
5:25
Because man, the whole world has changed with smartphones, with
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social media and all that stress and pressure and just kids
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looking at their phone all day long, so.
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In all the years I've been coaching, while technology has
5:37
changed, people haven't. So we all still feel certain
5:42
emotions with a a negative valence, that is, we feel fear
5:46
or sadness or anger. And my work with people is
5:49
helping them disconnect from using food, in most cases as a
5:52
treatment plan of sorts. So while technology does pull at
5:56
us more than ever before, the work is still the same.
5:59
It's learning how to be present, maintain consistency with an
6:03
intelligent high resolution strategy, building on success,
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managing to make progress, developing momentum, and then
6:10
once achieving the goal, learning how to sustain that
6:12
through integrating in, in the case of weight loss, other food
6:15
choices, setting new goals, furthering horizon, looking
6:20
ahead and perhaps starting to do weight training.
6:22
So you're constantly having something that's compelling,
6:24
that helps you move forward. A lot of people struggle because
6:27
they achieve an outcome, but they don't set a new goal.
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So it's truly about continuing to expand your horizon and make
6:34
progress. So while technology has become
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something that's so far so much more integral in all of our
6:40
lives, what we need to do in the face of distraction is still the
6:44
same. We need to remain present.
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Be in the now. Allow ourselves to feel what
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we're feeling instead of looking for a way around those feelings
6:51
that are uncomfortable. And when we really work on
6:53
mastering that, the things that so many people get hooked by
6:57
don't have the grip that they once did on us.
7:00
So when people are overweight, it's a very it's a very physical
7:04
thing. But from talking with you over
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the years and we had you on the radio the other day and and
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listening to you, it seems to me, correct me if I'm wrong,
7:13
that usually the underlying factor is something more inside
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of a something more mental. Is that, is that fair to say?
7:20
Absolutely. I always tell people that in now
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20 years of coaching, I found it's never about the food.
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It's what are you doing with food that's in some way a
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distraction or some way trying to console yourself in the face
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of something. In other words, there's
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something going on that might feel overwhelming, and it's much
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more convenient to have something that you distract
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yourself with than it is to really tackle the issue at hand.
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So I I really work with people on confronting those things that
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might be troubling them, that food has become kind of a
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convenient outlet from really addressing, you know, you're
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turning away from the issue and you're creating kind of a straw
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man problem. You know, a person is
7:59
unsatisfied in their life. They're not happy with their
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career, they're not happy with their relationship, or they feel
8:05
lonely, or they're angry and they haven't dealt with it.
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It's helping people really disconnect from using food in
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such an unhealthy way so that whatever it is that's in front
8:15
of them can be better addressed and managed.
8:18
OK, so I'm just curious. I'm thinking about myself here
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now. I could lose 10 to 15 lbs.
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You know, I I I could do that. I do like to work out.
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I really started working out recently again last like let's
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say 6 or months or so. I feel like my issue is my wife
8:35
makes really good food and I eat too much.
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Even at the end when I know I'm full I'll have another helping
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because it tastes good. So what's my problem?
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Do I just need to a put the fork down?
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Well, sometimes it can be something as simple as not
8:51
having a sound strategy. So you're making yourself
8:53
vulnerable to overeating. When you're not giving yourself
8:56
what you need, you'll find you're never able to get enough
8:59
of those things that you don't need.
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You just constantly and continually put more and more of
9:04
the things in that aren't satisfying you.
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So it's kind of like, to use a metaphor, it's kind of like
9:09
trying to live off cotton candy. It's you feel good when it goes
9:13
in, but it doesn't last long. So one aspect of change is
9:18
healthy eating. So I always talk about the
9:20
success that I help people achieve working with me as a
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three legged stool. You have to have a healthy and
9:25
intelligent and strategic and high resolution, precise eating
9:29
schedule. You have to have a a routine for
9:31
yourself that invariably stands the test of time every day that
9:36
you you can stay consistent with it so that you eat on the
9:39
schedule, so you're not leaving yourself vulnerable to your
9:41
point to be an unnecessarily hungry and susceptible to
9:45
temptations and otherwise you wouldn't be tempted by when you
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feel satisfied. There's no need for you to reach
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for something you don't really have any purpose in in eating,
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but if you haven't eaten all day, you've eaten choices of
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foods that aren't satisfying your body, that you're going to
10:01
find yourself compulsively, almost putting more and more of
10:05
the wrong things in. So one leg of this, this whole
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success stool is healthy eating and having a really clear plan.
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The second part is having a consistent pattern of exercise.
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So that second leg is exercise. You've got to have healthy
10:16
eating. You've got to have exercise.
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My exercise I recommend when I work with people, starting with
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just cardio, getting into routine of walking every single
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day. My clients walk for on average
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30 minutes on a treadmill, seven days a week, and you create a
10:29
ritual for yourself. We all have patterns and
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rituals, but so many of them are unconscious.
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You know, we're doing a lot of the same things over and over.
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They're just not leading us in the direction that we want to
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move in. So a lot of the work is actually
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defining where is it you want to go and then setting up a
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strategy, working back work from that aim such that you're able
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to start to move in that direction.
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And lastly the third leg of the three legged stool.
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And and what's missing in my estimation and everything else
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out there is how do you develop the right psychology and the
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right mindset? How do you disconnect from using
11:01
food in the way you just described, and then eventually
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learn how to reconnect so you can have a really healthy
11:07
working relationship with food, where it's not something that
11:10
takes up more space in your life than it ought to?
11:13
OK. How about men versus women?
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I'm curious, is it pretty equal in terms of of who's overweight,
11:21
men versus women? And also, are there different
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strategies to coach a man versus a woman?
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I got a bunch of questions in one here.
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And also, do you think, do men become overweight for different
11:34
reasons than women do? Or at the core, is it all kind
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of the same stuff? So there three questions in in
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there. They overlap, but they're
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distinctly different. So obviously biologically we are
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different from a gender perspective.
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Hormonally we're different, Physiologically we're different.
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But the principles that underline change are in my
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experience predominantly the same.
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You have to have a really compelling reason that gets you
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up early and keeps you up late. If you want to change, you have
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to have a set of goals and aims that are exciting, that bring
12:09
about a certain anticipation every day, that you're actually
12:11
looking forward to the day, that you're willing to make the
12:14
necessary sacrifices day in and day out to move in the direction
12:17
of the goals that you have. I just got off a call before you
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and I began this this conversation with a person who'd
12:23
like to become a client. And this person is struggling
12:27
with the idea of having to give up alcohol for a period of time
12:30
so that he's able to start to make progress.
12:32
Because the thing that's really at issue for him is the
12:35
spontaneity which he drinks. There's there's no real
12:38
predictability, and if you want to have success in anything,
12:41
you've got to have a plan. There is.
12:44
Success doesn't happen by accident.
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Success happens because of intention and because of a
12:50
schedule, because of a routine. If you want success to be
12:53
something that you enjoy, you have to have a plan for it.
12:56
You have to have accountability. That's ensuring that you're
12:59
moving that direction. Because there's always in life,
13:01
wins blow on us, challenges, unexpected circumstances,
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losses, things that are wins too.
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Things that are exciting, that we might want to use food in a
13:11
way that's not necessarily healthy.
13:13
There are all these winds of life that blow on all of us, and
13:16
the only way we can continue to move in the direction of our
13:18
goals is to continue to adjust the sail on our our ship in
13:23
life. So we are using the wind to our
13:25
advantage. So while we're biologically
13:29
different from a gender perspective, the psychology of
13:33
change is unique, but in many ways the same for all of us.
13:39
You have to get disturbed by where you are.
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You want to put yourself in an environment that motivates you,
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that excites you. You want to put yourself in a
13:48
room where you're not the most successful, fit, healthy person.
13:51
The the people around you are playing the game of life at even
13:54
a higher level, and and being around them, that really gets
13:58
you activated and gets you charged up at wanting to raise
14:01
your game. So I always tell people if
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you're stuck in a place you're unhappy, put yourself around
14:06
people that are happy and start to really examine and study What
14:10
is it that allows for them to have that success or that
14:13
happiness? Because if you study anything,
14:15
you can learn the patterns that allow for that to be the reality
14:19
that you experience. Anything can be learned, but you
14:22
have to be willing to put yourself in that uncomfortable
14:24
position of first acknowledging those areas of your life you're
14:28
not really satisfied with, and then learning from those people
14:32
that have mastered that specific area.
14:34
Which requires we have humility and we have a willingness to
14:37
continue to grow and evolve as a person.
14:40
OK, so you said you're talking with your potential client about
14:44
alcohol and I'm not sure if that person is an alcoholic or not,
14:47
but I think that the subject of alcohol is is very interesting.
14:52
I I enjoy drinking alcohol now. Back in the day in college I
14:57
binge drank and drank a ton and obviously as you you get older
15:01
you drink less. I have two kids now and even
15:04
though I still enjoy drinking a couple beers, I think to myself
15:09
what's what's even the value as a 41 year old in drinking
15:13
anymore Again, I love to have a couple beers at dinner, but man,
15:16
it wrecks you the next day. I'm lethargic with my kids.
15:20
I have less energy. I'm definitely less likely to
15:24
work out a day, even if I have two 3-4 beer.
15:27
So how do you think alcohol plays into all this?
15:29
Not just for for folks who may be addicted, but man, as I get
15:33
older. Again, I like beer, but alcohol
15:36
really is poison. So I have never drank, use any
15:40
illegal drug. Not because I'm pure chemical,
15:42
but because I came from a family of addiction.
15:46
My mother lost her life to the ravaging effects of abusing
15:50
alcohol, just 51, so I have never wanted to even flirt with
15:55
the idea of using something like that.
15:58
What I found, although I avoided those types of issues, I became
16:03
incredibly entangled in an unhealthy relationship with food
16:06
as a kid. And I think what happens for a
16:09
lot of us when we There's two things about what you mentioned
16:12
in your experience with alcohol. It's not uncommon at all for any
16:16
of us as adolescents to try to find out our own limits by
16:20
pushing them. That's kind of natural.
16:22
So drink too much, do this too much, and we kind of find just
16:26
how much can we tolerate. There's there's something that
16:28
seems to be instinctually natural about testing our own
16:32
limits in that stage of life, so it's not surprising.
16:36
But when it becomes something that interferes with your
16:38
ability to enjoy your life, when it is taken away from the
16:42
mission you have as a person, when it's a good working
16:46
definition of addiction, could be pursuing one thing at the
16:51
expense of everything else. When you're willing to sacrifice
16:57
everything for one thing, that's when you know you really need to
17:01
look at what's going on with you.
17:02
When that becomes the most important thing in your world,
17:05
and it sounds like as you've grown as a man with a family and
17:08
children and responsibilities, you've started to, as all of us
17:12
do, look more toward the medium to long term goals that you have
17:17
for yourself. When we're younger, we don't
17:19
have as much awareness of the the finitude of life.
17:23
We don't really think about our own mortality.
17:26
But as we get older and we see our peers getting sick, we see
17:29
those people that love us passing on the people we love
17:33
passing on. When our parents pass, we have
17:36
to confront the reality that we are in some way moving closer
17:39
and closer to the front of that line.
17:41
And so we start to think more about the future, not only for
17:44
ourselves but for the legacy we're going to leave as men, for
17:47
our children, for our partner, so on and so forth.
17:50
So while part of it is is testing the limits as a younger
17:55
person, as an adult, what you want to think about with alcohol
17:59
or any other substance or any other habit is when it's a low
18:06
level gratifier like food or alcohol.
18:08
That tells you that you're really not maximizing the other
18:12
areas of your life as much as you could.
18:14
Because if your primary recreation and primary joy is
18:18
drinking or you know going through the drive through, that
18:21
tells you there's something missing in your life.
18:23
If that's the primary vehicle by which you achieve some sense of
18:27
pleasure everyday. I mean, it's it's it's kind of
18:31
sad when you think about that. We want to really get the
18:35
equities of life from the domain.
18:37
You should. And what I found in my life is
18:39
most of those things we're seeking out and looking for come
18:43
from relationships. And if we've had a particularly
18:47
difficult life, if our early life as children was one in
18:50
which we never really were able to form secure attachments to
18:53
other people, or we went through a lot of abuse or a lot of
18:56
trauma, and we developed a philosophy of distrust of people
19:01
and of humanity, well, then it doesn't surprise us to find that
19:06
people are looking for things that are predictable, that are
19:09
unchanging, that are constant, given that they've never had
19:14
constancy, predictability, any of those things that we want to
19:18
have in a healthy relationship. So people form relationships
19:21
with things that they never really can get anything back
19:24
from, and they find themselves very hollowed out as they
19:29
continue down that path. So it's really about asking
19:32
yourself if you're caught up in a pattern of overeating or
19:35
abusing drugs or alcohol or any other substance, what's missing
19:38
in my life, What am I really trying to get out of this?
19:42
You know, as a father, a father of two children and a wife, both
19:46
myself and you share that there's a lot of pressure on it.
19:51
And that pressure sometimes can lead us to try to calm ourselves
19:56
down, reassure ourselves, give ourselves an outlet.
20:02
When the pressures we're experiencing feel to be more
20:05
than what we at some level believe we can handle.
20:08
So you want to be very careful that you don't use something
20:12
that comes at an incredibly high price medium to long term just
20:16
to try to make yourself feel better in the moment.
20:19
How do you think overall fitness also benefits folks?
20:23
Let's say in the in the business world, I feel like I've seen
20:26
this. You see this not not just with
20:27
billionaires, but maybe you have friends or successful people.
20:31
I I do feel like as I get older, I'm in my early 40s.
20:34
It seems like and I'm sure you can tell me, there seems like a
20:38
direct correlation many times into people who are very into
20:42
fitness and health and and business success.
20:45
Whether that comes down to just time management and energy, I
20:48
feel like I've really seen that. And you can even look at like a
20:51
Jeff Bezos or a Mark Zuckerberg, what they used to look like.
20:54
And then, you know, they get into fitness.
20:56
But I have tons of friends and I feel like a lot of them that are
20:59
very successful are in very good health and they work out and
21:03
they're fit. What's the correlation there, do
21:05
you think? Well, I think that axiom has
21:09
within. So without is something that
21:11
you're you're bringing forth. In your example, that is how we
21:15
think is reflected in how we feel, how we look, the way we
21:19
show up. And if you change your thinking
21:22
about yourself, if you start to see yourself as athletic, as
21:25
disciplined, as focused, and thereby you start to shift your
21:28
behaviors, obviously the outward will start to reflect that set
21:31
of beliefs and those sets of behaviors the the thing that
21:35
people want to recognize about fitnesses.
21:38
It requires a certain comfort with discomfort because when you
21:42
work out, you are going to feel pain after you're going to be
21:45
sore if you do a good enough job.
21:47
It requires a certain comfort with delayed gratification
21:52
because you're not going to become fit and healthy
21:56
overnight. I always tell people we can't
21:58
change where you are overnight, but we can change the direction
22:01
you're headed overnight. So when you become someone who's
22:05
committed to health and fitness, it's a shift in your philosophy.
22:09
You're starting to make daily investments.
22:12
That consistent pattern of working out accumulates over
22:15
time. So it's not at all unusual for
22:17
me to have clients tell me that as they're losing weight, as
22:20
they're becoming disciplined in their eating, as they're making
22:23
exercise, a regular ritual every day, that they start to get the
22:26
rest of their life in order. They start to be more on in
22:30
their spending. They start to pull down on their
22:33
debt. They start to get their house
22:35
physically more organized, both because they have more energy,
22:38
but also because they're starting to think about what is
22:41
it I really want my life to look like.
22:43
So I think the the philosophy of physical fitness, the philosophy
22:46
of bodybuilding, the philosophy of lifting weights, has
22:49
application in all the other areas of your life, in
22:51
relationships, in finances, in your career.
22:56
You can take the the disciplines that you learn in weight loss or
22:59
in fitness and apply them to these other areas and in doing
23:02
so improve those other areas too.
23:05
For men specifically, when you said about your story, you're
23:09
360 lbs, you hadn't dated anybody and this, this ties into
23:14
the fitness thing for for a man and your ego and all that.
23:18
Clearly if you're in better shape, you are going to have a
23:21
better chance of of being with a woman.
23:23
How important and how much are those linked?
23:26
For example, do you think some people, do they almost become
23:29
overweight? Are they are they scared to get
23:32
in a relationship and they know there's a better chance that,
23:34
hey, if I'm overweight, I'm not going to have to put myself out
23:37
there? And then do you, do you see
23:39
stories of these men who lose a ton of weight and all of a
23:42
sudden they get a girlfriend, they get a wife and they they
23:45
see the value there and it just kind of changes everything for
23:48
the better? Yeah.
23:49
So you have some really good questions, and they're complex
23:53
questions and the really the devil's in the details of what
23:57
you're asking because everyone's a little different for some
24:00
people if they have. My experience has been if they
24:04
have fear about commitment, or about relationship, or about
24:08
their own identity, sometimes one way of keeping themselves
24:12
from ever having to deal with that is in their own mind,
24:15
making themselves unavailable. So they make it so that they
24:18
never have to confront the threat of intimacy by becoming
24:23
physiologically in their own estimation, a person who would
24:28
be able to have the type of partner that they wish for or
24:32
deserve. When we see plenty of people who
24:34
are overweight that have partners have no issue.
24:38
So it's it's sometimes a defense certainly can be.
24:42
At other times it can be something that we do.
24:46
We allow ourselves to neglect our own self-care because we
24:50
don't really have the degree of self love that we ought to have.
24:54
We've put everyone else ahead of ourselves.
24:56
We grew up perhaps in a family setting where we were the
25:01
caretakers for our parents. And so we never really learned
25:04
what it looks like to have healthy boundaries.
25:07
We never learned what it looks like to take care of ourselves.
25:10
We were always in some ways taking care of everyone else.
25:13
And if that goes unaddressed, well, it's easy to be something
25:16
that gets perpetuated. And so there's many reasons that
25:20
we use food or any number of other things to the degree that
25:25
they really complicate our lives.
25:28
I think that what we all have to do is trust that we can handle
25:33
intimacy. And that's a scary thing for
25:35
people because the truth about intimacy, if you look at the
25:37
word intimacy, it's into me. See, that is you're looking into
25:44
me, You're actually letting someone see into you.
25:47
And that is a scary notion for a lot of men, a scary notion for a
25:52
lot of women. But speaking here as men, the
25:55
idea of letting someone see all that you are and trusting that
25:59
they're still going to love and like you is a very scary thing
26:02
for people. If everyone knows what you're
26:04
really like, everyone knows all the things that you're
26:07
embarrassed about, the things that you feel shame over, the
26:10
things you feel scared about, that's a scary thing, because
26:13
there's a possibility of that person rejecting you.
26:17
And all of us have two fears that were not enough, that we're
26:22
not as good as the next person and thereby we're not going to
26:25
be loved. And because we're human and we
26:28
have such a long period of dependency as children, we
26:32
believe that if we don't have other people's love, we're not
26:36
going to survive. There's an actual instinctual
26:39
wiring that if we're not part of the group, if we don't have
26:42
that, that source, if we don't have that coming into us, well
26:47
then our ability to continue to move forward is threatened.
26:50
That's why you see people that do all sorts of crazy things
26:54
when they feel like they're not good enough or they're
26:57
unlovable. We have to develop a certain
27:00
capacity to start to show ourselves as adults that we're
27:03
lovable by treating ourselves as someone we really care about.
27:08
So the idea of treating yourself like you would your best friend,
27:11
you know, would you talk to yourself like you do your best
27:15
friend? Would you, Would you talk to
27:17
your best friend like you do yourself?
27:19
Would you say the things you say in your head to someone you
27:22
really care about? And if the answer to those
27:24
things is no, then you really want to start to rework that
27:26
script and start to catch yourself.
27:29
You know when you put yourself down, or when you're overly
27:32
critical, judgmental, harsh, uncaring, inconsiderate towards
27:36
yourself. And if you start to do that,
27:38
what you'll find is you can become for yourself who you
27:41
always needed. So a lot of people are looking
27:45
for validation, looking for supply outside of themselves
27:51
when what they need is always been staring back at them in the
27:53
mirror. You said earlier, I think you
27:56
use the term daily deposits which I like and I've found
27:59
whether it's fitness, health, it is kind of boring Sometimes we
28:04
over complicate it but it is to me it's daily the working out
28:07
every day, The Walking or the cardio every day, the diet every
28:11
day. I mean literally every day for
28:13
days and months and weeks and years and all that.
28:15
So I guess I would call it, tell me if it's fair to say I think
28:19
some people may be taking the the easy way out with the
28:22
injections these days. The Ozempic is a big thing a lot
28:25
of people are talking about. So just I'll throw it to you
28:28
what what's your thought on on this way of losing weight, which
28:32
seems to be pretty popular these days?
28:35
So my focus with people is our change isn't so much on the
28:39
dividend weight loss, the the weight loss is a dividend.
28:43
It's not even the focus. The the focus with me is how are
28:47
we going to embrace a strategy of behavior change so that
28:51
you're not only able to reach your goal, but you're able to
28:53
sustain it. The only thing I've found that's
28:55
been sustainable for both myself, having to fit and
28:59
healthy for over 20 years and in the lives of my clients who've
29:02
kept their weight off is behavioral change.
29:04
If you don't change the associations you have to the
29:08
things that are problematic, what's going to stop you from
29:10
going back to those things when life gets difficult again?
29:13
So when you are stressed out, or let's say you're in a
29:15
relationship and your spouse passes away, or you have a child
29:20
and that child falls ill or you get fired.
29:24
Well, if your primary of attending distress or sadness or
29:28
anger has been using a particular substance like food,
29:32
what's all of a sudden going to be different just because you've
29:35
lost weight through some, you know, whatever particular
29:38
approach you've chosen to take? Unless you learn how to really
29:40
change your mindset, change your thinking, I think you're setting
29:43
yourself up for a lot of disappointment.
29:46
OK, tell tell folks about some of your great transformation
29:50
stories. And I know you have some
29:52
celebrity clients like Tom Arnold and others.
29:54
Doesn't have to be about Tom, but just ordinary people.
29:57
But also I know some some high achievers.
29:59
You said you work with a lot of doctors.
30:01
Give give folks some some of your great transformation
30:03
stories. You know, the people that are
30:05
just everyday people impact me just as much.
30:09
People that are public figures. The people that impressed me
30:13
most are those people that continue to show up and want to
30:16
make changes despite a history of all sorts of challenge,
30:20
despite a biography of incredible difficulty.
30:23
I have. I have young people that have
30:26
been abused. I have young people who have
30:29
lost, loved ones I have loved. I have young people that have
30:35
witnessed just atrocious, horrible things.
30:37
And to be able to witness the human spirit and strength in
30:43
particularly the young, because I think that when we're adults,
30:47
we have more of an awareness of our own resourcefulness, and we
30:51
have often times more resources at a disposal.
30:55
But when you see a young person muster up the strength and the
30:59
grit and the will to grab life by its horns and to really do
31:03
what they tend to transform their lives, it's incredibly
31:06
moving to me. You know, I think of a client
31:09
who witnessed suicide when he was a very little boy and he
31:15
turned to food as a means of trying to comfort himself in the
31:18
wake of parents grief and his own grief.
31:21
Yet a few years later, he came to a similar epiphany as I did,
31:26
and he said I I if my life's going to be different, I'm going
31:28
to have to change. And so he wanted to make those
31:31
sacrifices, starting to be consistent in health, eating
31:34
routine exercise and then seeing me every couple weeks.
31:37
And you know, he's lost over 80 lbs.
31:39
He's kept it off for a few years now, and his life's on fire.
31:42
So when I see young people really muster what it takes and
31:46
have the privilege of coaching in their process, it's an
31:49
incredibly rewarding and fulfilling experience for me.
31:52
I I consider when I do a vocation, I don't consider it a
31:54
job. I've been incredibly blessed and
31:56
fortunate and I consider this my calling.
31:59
I've been doing it for 20 plus years and I've seen lots of
32:03
people come and go from the industry and this has just been
32:05
something that I've always found tremendous meaning in.
32:09
I absolutely love it. And I I I don't think there's
32:12
anything greater than being able to make, as we talked about a
32:15
deposit in the life of another person, because that ripples
32:18
out, you know, it's cool. And I I see a person who's in
32:21
the public eye and they change their life and they share it and
32:24
it reaches lots of people because that furthers the
32:26
mission of showing people change is really possible.
32:29
But it's just as meaningful to me as a high school student
32:33
who's been bullied, who's never been on a date, and having been
32:35
through the process and developed confidence in
32:37
themselves through doing so. Is now sitting in in the
32:41
cafeteria at lunch with a group of friends, is going out to
32:44
parties on the weekend has a confidence to ask a girl out or
32:48
a guy out on a date? Those types of things matter to
32:51
me just as much as, you know, the person that's in movies that
32:54
shares that they work with me. So how about just the obesity
32:59
epidemic in this country? We've all seen the pictures.
33:02
They'll show a picture from 1965, whatever on the beach.
33:06
And everybody looks skinny. Then you see the picture from
33:08
2023-2024. And so many people are obese.
33:13
Obviously we have a lot of bad food out there, a lot of fast
33:16
food, sedentary lifestyles. People are driving in cars.
33:20
They're not walking as much to work like they were back in the
33:23
day. I mean, how do we turn this
33:25
thing around it? It does really seem like, man,
33:29
I've gone out. Sometimes you go to AI, don't
33:32
know, an amusement park or something.
33:33
You just go out in public and sometime and look I I need to
33:36
lose a couple pounds myself. But sometimes it is pretty
33:39
astonishing when you look around and you do see how heavy we are
33:44
as a people these days. Yes, statistically we're heavier
33:48
than ever. And the advent of all these
33:51
different interventions, people are desperately seeking to try
33:56
to change the tide. I think that if those things
33:59
were the answer, we wouldn't see the problem you're describing.
34:02
I think that the problem you're describing is complex, but at
34:06
the same time it's resolution is quite simple.
34:09
And that is you've got to embrace and accept the the given
34:13
that to have lasting change comes at the price of sacrifice.
34:17
And no one likes to hear that. No one likes to hear that.
34:19
If I'm really going to have a higher quality of life, it's
34:21
going to come at a price. And the price is I'm going to
34:24
have to endure some short term pain, that being discipline in
34:28
the service of avoiding regret. So I don't end up 50 years old
34:32
on a host of medications, having had a stent put in because I had
34:36
a cardiac event, so on and so forth.
34:38
So the way we change this is first and foremost becoming more
34:43
present with where we each are in terms of what we're feeling.
34:46
So many of us are pursuing things more achievement, more
34:50
money, more status, trying to fill something in ourselves with
34:55
things that never ever do the job.
34:58
And for a lot of people, because of, as you said, the
35:02
convenience, the accessibility, the poor quality of many of the
35:08
options that people have at their disposal, they're doing
35:12
that using food. It's a it's a state changer.
35:15
Food changes your state, just like alcohol.
35:17
That's so. The real work is how you develop
35:20
fitness emotionally, so you don't have to use something like
35:24
that to alter how you're feeling.
35:26
When you can learn better strategies, when you can outgrow
35:30
that type of strategy, you're no longer imprisoned to that
35:34
substance. Now you have the power to change
35:36
your life because you know how to change how you're feeling
35:39
without having to turn turn to something that's outside of
35:41
yourself. So how about the concept of of
35:45
body positivity? Obviously, you know, I would
35:48
never and no one should ever body shame other people.
35:52
I think about COVID though, how I feel like it did seem like we
35:56
weren't allowed to say or people weren't allowed to say, hey, we
36:00
need to be healthier, we need to be fitter.
36:03
This is a huge part of this. Arguably the number one
36:06
component of getting sick from this is is being obese.
36:10
And I just wonder, because look, to me, whatever you find
36:15
beautiful is fine, That's good, that's good with me.
36:18
But I I don't think as a society we should encourage or say that
36:24
being that big is healthy. That's different than, hey, if
36:27
you like a bigger person, you can still be beautiful.
36:30
But I don't think we should try to promote that That's healthy.
36:33
What do you think about that? Sure.
36:35
So First off, in all my years of coaching, I found really early
36:40
on that telling someone what to do hardly ever works.
36:46
So by telling someone you shouldn't be this, I mean, hell,
36:51
we can't even get ourselves to make changes when we tell
36:53
ourselves we shouldn't be a certain way.
36:56
So I think that we should be able to tell someone else you
36:59
shouldn't be doing that and they're going to actually
37:00
listen. My my success has come in in two
37:04
different ways. One, modeling what's possible
37:08
for a person. I'm not so concerned about the
37:14
societal opinion. I'm more concerned about Do
37:17
people recognize how rich and how abundant and how fulfilling
37:22
life can really be? And is my example something that
37:27
they can look to to recognize that reality?
37:31
So when I have a person come in here, the last thing that I'm
37:36
going to do is try to persuade or coerce them into seeing that
37:44
there's something off with the way they're living.
37:47
Because until in the last that you probably know in your own
37:49
life how many things do you know that if you stop doing them,
37:53
your life would be better, But you keep doing them to tell you
37:56
that you know, I mean when you someone, you don't need them to
37:59
tell you that. How helpful is that going to be?
38:01
That someone says, you know, you really ought not to be doing
38:04
that. You know it.
38:05
The the trouble is, is that a lot of people have shame about
38:09
them, shame about that themselves, You know, shame is
38:12
about who you are. Guilt is about something you're
38:16
doing. So I don't think any of us
38:18
should have shame about anything.
38:20
I don't think that we should have shame about anything.
38:23
I think that we should have regret about things, things that
38:26
we're doing that we know aren't a deposit in the quality of life
38:30
that we deserve to have. But each of us have to come to a
38:33
place that we feel like we're not living Life at the standard
38:39
or on the terms that we've defined matter to us.
38:42
And I think the greatest gift we can give other people, my
38:45
experience has been and when I first started years ago, I had a
38:49
reputation for being very militant, much like a drill
38:53
Sergeant. And as I've grown older and more
38:55
mature, and I'm married and I've had children, you recognize that
38:59
life has a way of softening you because you see the incredible
39:04
suffering of other people. Life is really difficult for
39:07
everyone. It is really difficult when you
39:09
look at people and you just think they have it all together.
39:11
You're kidding yourself. And I can say that because I've
39:12
had the privilege of sitting across from thousands of people,
39:16
from all walks of life, all socio economic statuses, and
39:21
without question, every single one of those people have all
39:24
sorts of challenges. It doesn't matter if they're a
39:26
brain surgeon who lives in a $10 million home and has Bentley and
39:31
a Range Rover and a a wife. That's a supermodel.
39:35
That person is just as vulnerable to life's
39:39
difficulties as the person who's working for the sewer
39:42
department. They may have more resources to
39:44
deal with some some problems or or issues that the other person
39:49
doesn't, but they're just as vulnerable to the type of
39:52
existential issues we all have to contend with.
39:55
Loneliness, isolation, a sense of meaninglessness in life.
39:59
These are things all of us have to think about as we get older.
40:02
So my my opinion is if you can bring compassion to people, if
40:07
you can communicate a sincere, loving interest in another
40:12
person, you can really find that that will have more of an
40:16
indelible impact than any directive that you're going to
40:18
give them. When people have have said I've
40:21
had a meaningful influence, it's often because they say not of
40:24
what I said to them or what I did for them, but how having a
40:29
relationship with me made them feel.
40:32
So if if you can create a relationship with people where
40:35
it's one where they feel understood, they feel who they
40:41
are is acceptable and lovable, and at the same time that might
40:46
mean that they know you disapprove of some choices
40:48
they're making because those choices are not in the service
40:52
of who they want to be or who they could become.
40:54
I think that that's what really stands to be able to help people
40:57
change. I think simply saying, you know,
41:00
you're doing it all wrong, Here's what you ought to do.
41:03
Let me let me do that. You're kind of robbing the
41:05
person of their own success. Because if even if I'm right and
41:09
I say here's what you need to do, and they do it well, how
41:12
much better they feel about themselves if I'm the one that
41:14
solved the problem. So I think the best thing we can
41:18
do in terms of this body positivity thing is recognize
41:23
that there's no need for any of us to feel shame about who we
41:27
are. We may very well, because our
41:30
own understanding come to places where we recognize what we're
41:34
doing isn't in the service of who we could ultimately be, not
41:37
to ourselves and not to others. And then you might have regret
41:40
about those choices. And that's a simple and easily
41:43
rectifiable issue. Change those choices.
41:47
You don't need to beat yourself up.
41:48
You don't have to live in guilt about them.
41:50
Guilts are actually a positive emotion when it informs you of
41:55
something you want to change, it's telling you, hey, I have a
41:58
standard here and what I'm doing isn't meeting that standard.
42:03
And so that that negative feeling tells you, look, if you
42:05
change that behavior, you can achieve a a better state
42:09
emotionally. But if that goes on and on and
42:11
on and you just feel guilty all the time, you're you're wasting
42:15
your energy. You know, either accept where
42:18
you are and be cool with it, which is perfectly fine.
42:20
Everyone has a right. No one's going to come and
42:22
arrest you if you're going to have a heart attack.
42:24
So I mean if if you eat yourself into a prison of sorts, like I
42:28
almost did, you know the authorities aren't going to come
42:31
knocking at your door and come put you in jail for it.
42:34
You know you're the one that has to live with the consequences of
42:36
those choices. I see.
42:38
I see no real benefit to pointing out to another person,
42:46
here's where you're doing it all wrong.
42:47
I think you can be more sophisticated in the more
42:50
sophisticated way would be modeling how much better life
42:53
could be with a different set of choices and letting that person
42:57
through their own experience, encounter that and then come to
43:00
their own conclusion and doing so.
43:01
If they're interested, then they'll ask, hey you know, man,
43:04
it looks like your life really works out like you really,
43:07
you're in great shape and you have a great marriage.
43:09
You are successful financially. Like, you know, how, how do you
43:12
do that? And if if that happens, I think
43:15
that's that that's where the opening for change really is.
43:19
OK, we'll get close to to wrapping up with this.
43:22
I fired a bunch of questions at you.
43:23
What did I miss for folks that are looking for help from you?
43:29
What are some other keys that I didn't ask you about in in terms
43:32
of these folks turning their lives around?
43:35
I think the the biggest thing I want to communicate is that it's
43:37
possible that we have enough experience, enough data to
43:42
conclude that it's possible for you to change.
43:45
If you're willing to shift your habits, it doesn't matter what
43:48
you've done in your life. It doesn't matter how many
43:50
things you tell yourself you've tried that if you have a
43:53
willingness to do something different, the next year of your
43:57
life could be the best year ever.
43:59
But you'll have to invest everything that you have
44:02
learned, everything you've accrued up to the stage of life
44:05
into that next year. And if you're willing to do
44:07
that, it doesn't matter your history, it doesn't matter what
44:10
story you have. It doesn't matter what people
44:11
have said about you. You can make this next life,
44:14
this next year of your life, the best year you've ever had in
44:17
your life, and it will be simply through a change of choices, a
44:21
change of habits. Look around you and look for the
44:24
people that are living life the way you want to live.
44:27
Learn as much as you can from those people.
44:29
Start to practice those disciplines and your life will
44:31
start to move in that direction. That's awesome.
44:34
All right, Charles, tell folks where they can find you on
44:38
social media or to contact you if somebody is very overweight
44:43
and looking to get help from you.
44:45
I I know you're here in Saint Louis with me, even though we're
44:47
not together right now, we're both in Saint Louis.
44:50
But with the with the modern era of Zoom and Stream Yard, I'm
44:53
guessing you can talk to people all over the world really also.
44:56
That's I have clients all over the country and even outside the
44:59
US. The best way of getting a hold
45:01
of me is just going to my website, itscharlesdeangelo.com.
45:03
There's a simple form you put your name, your e-mail address,
45:05
your phone number. Either I personally will call
45:08
you or a member of my team will will talk about your situation.
45:11
Set up a time to meet. Whether it be if you're wanting
45:13
to come here in the office and meet with me, that's fine.
45:16
Or if you want to meet with me via Zoom, either is is fine with
45:19
me. The most important thing to know
45:21
about that is, is that there's nothing in between you and the
45:25
you you want to be but you. You've just have to.
45:28
You have to be willing to make these shifts in your behaviors,
45:31
and if you feel like you've tried everything and nothing
45:33
works, I'm here to tell you I certainly haven't met you yet,
45:36
and you can make these changes. Things will start to change, and
45:40
once you get your goal, you'll learn how to maintain that
45:42
weight. That's awesome, Charles.
45:44
This is really fun, man. Thanks for doing this.
45:46
We should do this every once in a while.
45:48
And folks, he just gave you the information.
45:51
Reach out to him. This is really fun.
45:52
Thanks, Charles. My pleasure.
45:54
Thanks for having me, Charlie.