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Who are narcissists behind closed doors · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people Welcome to another
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  episode of the narcissist Code. I'm your favorite self aware
• 0:06
  narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock better known as mental illness
• 0:09
  across all social media platforms.
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  This is your first time I see in my face or hear my lovely voice.
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  I am a clinically diagnosed narcissist and I use my platform
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  on social media to raise awareness for NPD, get more
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  people into therapy and also validate the victims, survivors
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  and thrivers of said disorder said toxic to people said toxic
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  traits. Today's episode is going to be
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  like be about what a narcissist really like behind closed doors.
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  Oof. Y'all know that.
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  Y'all know that. Y'all y'all y'all know.
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  I'm about to go into detail about that.
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  But first of all, y'all bear with me here.
• 0:40
  One second, the kids book is out on Amazon.
• 0:44
  Remember? It's not your fault.
• 0:47
  It's not available on Amazon right now.
• 0:50
  So check it out right here. Remember it's not your fault.
• 0:53
  To help kids understand that they don't control the
• 0:55
  circumstances when they that they are born into, you know
• 0:59
  check it out on Amazon. Search Lee Hammock.
• 1:01
  Remember it pops up. Remember, it's not your fault.
• 1:05
  Oh, I'm excited about that. Oh, oh, oh, I'm super excited.
• 1:10
  But yes. So what are narcissists like
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  behind closed doors? I know a lot a lot of people
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  have a a lot of varying perspectives on this right here.
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  But just for me, in the from the mind of a diagnosed narcissist,
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  which I am, is this part right here.
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  It's just like narcissist are mostly their real self behind
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  closed doors. When they are at home with you
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  is when the narcissist is really, really, really, truly
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  themselves. This is who, yeah, I know you
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  see them outside doing different things.
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  I know you see them outside, behaving differently, treating
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  other people differently, being nice, being nicer to other
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  people, maybe having maybe having a good reputation in the
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  community, doing all of this good stuff.
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  But behind closed doors, they treat you badly.
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  They treat you like you're the scum of the earth.
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  They treat you like you're worth less than everybody else in the
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  world. It's because this is their safe
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  zone. Y'all narcissists are their true
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  selves, who they, who who they are the most.
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  If you were to break down a narcissist true character, they
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  are most mostly themselves when they are at home with you.
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  This is who they are. And most people never ever
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  really truly know the narcissist.
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  Like, even if you are the person behind closed doors or the
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  people behind closed doors that are getting treated badly, you
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  don't even get the full version of it because it's a wild
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  dynamic out. Because narcissistic people like
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  the mask. They like to put on the mask and
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  be out there in public, but they were.
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  It's like they take the mask off when they come home and they
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  become who they actually are. This is them, not the person
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  that you see out there treating everybody else good.
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  And then they come home and yell and scream at you.
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  Not the person that's looking at you across the across the room
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  at an event or a party. And you know that they're, you
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  can tell by that, by the language that they're going to
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  yell and scream at you, at the home, at home, or they're going
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  to give you the silent treatment or they're going to make you,
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  they're going to put you down and make you feel worthless,
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  worthless than what you are. You know, like you see that
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  person that's not like you know who they are.
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  That's why they treat you the worst when you get home with a
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  narcissist behind closed doors. This is why they treat you
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  badly. Because you know who I am and I
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  don't like that. That narcissistic person doesn't
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  like that. Narcissist have limited
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  emotional capacity. And this is in my perspective
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  right here. Limited emotional capacity,
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  which which means we have emotion, we have the capacity
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  for emotions we do, we have the the whole range of emotions.
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  But we don't have a lot of, we don't have a lot of room for
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  everybody else's emotions. That's where the problems come
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  into play right there. We don't have a lot of room for
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  everybody else's emotions. We don't have a lot of, we
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  don't. We don't have a lot going on for
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  everybody else's stuff, you know what I mean?
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  So when they're out there, when they're out there in the real
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  world, putting that mask on, being somebody that they are
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  not, takes up emotional energy, Takes up like waste emotional
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  energy putting on the front for the world, right.
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  They waste emotional energy putting on the front for the
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  world. But there's always a butt,
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  right? Big old butt.
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  They waste a lot of time putting on the front from everybody
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  else. So when they come home, like the
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  energy is gone. The emotional reserves are gone.
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  Now I don't have to. I don't have to put on the
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  front. I can be me at home and you know
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  who they are like. And that's the, and that's the
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  troubling part with a lot of people because when you are
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  dealing with a narcissistic person, right.
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  And you get the worst version of them, sometimes you see them
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  treating well, a lot of times you see them treating everybody
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  else better. You see them giving emotional
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  energy better. You see them lending money to
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  their friend. That's down and out on their
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  luck. But then they get they get mad
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  at you for buying a bag of bag of Doritos because because of
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  inflation, that bag of Doritos used to be $0.25 when I was
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  growing up. You going to waste $0.50 on it?
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  The same bag, the same bag. They just gave $1000 to their
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  friend to invest in some weird, weird business, you know?
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  And their friend never pays them back.
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  But you, you, you better pay them back, you know what I mean?
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  But that's part of the dynamic that's that's part of y'all who
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  they are behind closed doors is who they really are, who they
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  really are. And it's it's frustrating for
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  the people who've been behind closed doors with them, you
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  know, it's frustrating for the people who've been behind those
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  doors. And then you go out, you you get
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  out from behind closed doors, like it's like you can see them
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  put the mask on, Like they'll be yelling and screaming at you.
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  And then the police come to the door, or somebody knock on the
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  door and then they'll just start start smiling or smiling or look
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  at the person differently. They're like, shut the hell up,
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  shut up. See, you guys might come over
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  here. Hey, what's going on?
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  Oh, yelling. No, no, no, no.
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  I was. I was watching football.
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  I get. I get passionate over here.
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  Yeah. I'll see you later.
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  Appreciate it, man. Thanks for.
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  Hey, if anything, thanks for checking on me.
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  So if something if something does happen.
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  I can always thank you. I can always think that you're
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  going to be here for me. That you run.
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  You'll run over here knock on the door, won't you?
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  Peace out. All right, man.
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  See you later. Then they switch right back into
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  mode, blaming you for that person coming over there, Right
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  back to being evil and things of that nature.
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  Yeah, this happens all the time. And this is, y'all know I'm not
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  making this up. Y'all see it.
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  You live it. That's why you're watching this
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  video. That's why you're watching this
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  video. You know who you like, say you
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  know it. You know that you know the space
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  that you're in. You know who you're dealing with
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  at the end of the day. And that's why, like, when
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  you're dealing with a toxic, narcissistic, just evil person,
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  some of a lot of them do ACT at the evil person.
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  Yeah, but. But Lee, how we get him to treat
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  us better behind closed doors? Y'all.
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  That's the that's the $1,000,000 question, isn't it?
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  My answer is you really can't. They're going to like if they've
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  been doing the same thing. So let me rephrase this.
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  I'm not going to say you really can't.
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  It's going to say it's extremely difficult for somebody who's
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  been treating you something the same way for 5-10, fifteen,
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  20-30 years to change their behaviors now because they think
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  you're, they think you're accepting of it.
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  It's really, it's easier to get somebody to treat you
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  differently earlier on than it is for somebody who's like
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  planted roots in this relationship that has been in
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  this relationship for a long time.
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  You know, I mean it's easier to train to try to train to train.
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  It's easier to try to change those those those behaviors
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  earlier on because earlier on if you start setting boundaries,
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  you can set boundaries now, but you have to be careful with
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  setting boundaries and saying no and not tolerating things and
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  not, you know, not, you know, not.
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  You don't have to attend every argument that you're invited to,
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  you know, So like I said, if you don't have to, you don't have to
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  attend every single argument that you're invited to.
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  So when you deal with narcissistic, toxic people, they
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  do things like that. They just drive.
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  They they go, they're trying to pick arguments on purpose
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  because they're angry at work, because they're angry something,
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  something happening to them at work.
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  They'll come home and pick, pick an argument with you, something
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  something bad happened to them at school.
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  They'll come home and pick an argument with you.
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  You know what I'm saying? It's not if you're the spouse or
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  partner of this narcissist, you. It's not just you.
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  The kids get it too. The kids get it as well.
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  Y'all. And a lot of times the kids pick
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  up on it a lot sooner in life, which is, you know, it's it's, I
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  don't even say it's wild, but kids pick up on it a lot sooner.
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  And they start protecting themselves a lot earlier, you
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  know. But if you've been in it for a
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  while, you've been in it 10/15/20 years, yeah, it's hard
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  for you. It's extremely hard for you to
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  try to change somebody's behaviours that they feel like
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  you've been tolerating for a long time.
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  What's the issue now? What's the problem now?
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  I thought we were cool. I thought things were going all
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  right, then why are you trying to change?
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  You must have somebody else who you who you messing with now,
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  who you talking to now They're accused.
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  Like if you try to change their your behaviors or tell them no,
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  they'll accuse you of cheating on them.
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  Yeah, that's the easy part of it.
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  That's the easy thing with it right there.
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  That's the easiest thing. So it's just like in this space
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  right here dealing with narcissistic people, toxic
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  people, y'all. You have to be able to keep
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  moving forward in this space with them.
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  Like you have to be able to set boundaries to to curtail some of
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  those toxic behaviors. You know, of course use
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  discretion because some people will put their hands on you.
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  Some people will hurt you and harm you.
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  Some people will do damage to you.
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  Of course use discretion when this type of stuff is going on,
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  right. Of course use this type of
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  discretion. But you can say no.
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  Y'all. You don't have to say no.
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  You don't have to say yes to every single thing.
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  You can set boundaries. You can say I'm not comfortable
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  with that. I'm not going to talk to you
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  when you. I'm not going to talk to you
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  when you're yelling and screaming.
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  I'm not going to entertain this when you.
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  I'm not going to deal with the silence.
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  I'm just going to leave this type of stuff right here.
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  Set boundaries. Because behind closed doors is
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  where your power lies at too. I mean you, you don't want to
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  embarrass them in public and then come home because that's
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  that's probably one of the worst things you can do if you
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  embarrass them in public. Like, why don't you?
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  I like this behind closed doors. Buckle, buckle your safety bills
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  up. Y'all because y'all might.
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  You might be in for a a wild, wild rodeo in these types of
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  situations. So protect your peace and
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  protect yourself. Y'all behind closed doors,
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  that's who they really are. Behind closed doors, this is who
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  they really are. This is the most authentic
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  version of them that you are going to get.
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  And they're not. They're not always mean behind
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  closed doors. Of course, y'all, every day is a
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  different day. You don't.
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  You don't. And that's part of the dynamic,
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  the dilemma of dealing with a narcissist.
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  You never know what version of the person you're going to get.
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  You never know what version of this person is going to show up
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  and do this and do that. You never know what version of
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  the person is going to come in the front door or come in the
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  back door or side door. Get on the elevator.
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  You don't know what version of the person is opening up the
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  garage door. You say me with y'all.
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  Let me cut this thing short. Make sure y'all hop over to
• 10:55
  Amazon. Like I said, it's called
• 10:57
  Remember it's not your fault as the kids, but you read it to
• 11:00
  your kids. If your kids are old enough to
• 11:01
  read it to themselves that's cool.
• 11:03
  But it's like from you know, you can read it to your babies and
• 11:05
  whatnot. But no, I would say about to 8
• 11:07
  years old. It's only it's from kids to 8.
• 11:11
  You can check check out Lee Hammock, Remember book or
• 11:15
  remember it's not your fault. You'll see it right here.
• 11:17
  It's a little symbol right here. Anyways, y'all like I subscribe
• 11:20
  for more. Let the Homeless is out please.
• 11:23
  Thanks for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:24
  Y'all. If you haven't already, check
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  out joining the channel memberships for behind the
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• 11:31
  things Like to the description every single video I do.
• 11:34
  Thank you so much.