Latest / Prosper With Wayne / 12 Simple Life Changes I Made to Finally Be Happy
Transcript
- Wayne Sutton: A number of years ago I realized happiness is not the finish line. When the business hits a certain number, when the bills are paid off, when the kids are older, when things finally settle down. and actually I'm writing a book that's going to cover some of the concepts in this video and more. If you want to know when that book comes out, just hit the subscribe button. here's what I found out, and sometimes it was the hard way. things never settle down. There's always another win. So I stopped waiting and started changing small things. Not a whole new life. Just small, simple changes one at a time. and today I'm gonna walk you through twelve of them. None of them cost much, most of them cost nothing, and you can start a few of them tonight. So stick around for number nine. It's the one I fought the longest, and it's probably made the biggest difference. So welcome to Prosper with Wayne, where we talk about money, health, life, and how to get the most out of. Now, before the list, let me name the trap because I see so many people, I've coached so many people that have lived in it for years. And psychologists call it the arrival fallacy. It's the belief that when you arrive at some goal, you'll finally feel happy and stay that way. and you do get a bump when you hit the goal. Then it fades. And your mind moves the finish line. That's the key. if you continuously move the finish line, or as My buddy David calls the goalpost, you'll never be happy. Now, also understand we talk about creating health, wealth, and happiness. Happiness is what's happening around you. Okay, so we're gonna talk about that. Joy, true joy, as I'm a Christian, and I believe joy comes from God. So hopefully you are a fellow Christian and you have the joy of the Lord in you, but happiness still will depend on what's happening around you to a point. But more importantly, how you process that. So the changes on this list aren't about arriving somewhere. they're about how you live on the way. Let's go. Change number one. Stop grabbing your phone first thing in the morning. Now I used to wake up and before my feet hit the floor, I was in my email, the news, and everyone else's highlight reel. I'd been awake for 90 seconds. I was already stressed, behind, and comparing. So Here's what I do. I do get on my phone early, but the first part of my morning, I'm not on it. I take time before I get out of bed and I'm praying. I'm giving gratitude for God. I'm giving gratitude for the day. Because here's the key. I don't want to start in someone else's problem and then spend the whole day reacting. So tonight, charge your phone somewhere you can't reach it from the bed. That's simple, right? That's the whole step. Change number two. I started naming three specific good things. Not just I'm grateful for my family, that's true, but your brain kind of skims right past that. I mean specific. the way my daughter laughed at dinner last night. The coffee was perfect this morning. A client said thank you in an email, and I think they really meant it. See, gratitude is one of the most studied habits in happiness research, and specific is what makes it stick. Okay? Your brain starts hunting for good things during the day so it has something to report. Let me say that again. Your brain, once you train it this way, will start looking for specific things to report back to you. So my morning walks, when I'm spending time with God or walking with my wife, I'm thinking about what I'm grateful for. Again, be specific. So this also is spilled into my prayer time, thanking God for three specific things before I ask for anything else. Now, how to start? Three specific things written down or said out loud every single morning. Do it for a week and watch what happens. Change number three, I walk outside almost every day. I did a whole episode on walking, so I won't repeat all of it here, but it belongs on this list because it's one of the changes that move my mood the most. Walking outside gets your body moving, gets you in the daylight, gives your mind room to breathe. And a lot of my best thinking happens on walks. A lot of these podcast ideas happen on my walk. And a lot of my worry gets smaller out there. How do you start 10 minutes outside lunch or dinner, maybe breakfast? That's it. Let's make it hard to skip. Change number four, I stopped feeding the comparison machine. Now this one stung. I noticed there were certain accounts that I followed that always left me feeling behind. Their house, their vacation, their business, their body, their ministry. Every time I scrolled past, a little voice said, You should be further along. Let me ask you, have you ever thought that? Have you ever found yourself thinking, you should be further along? If so, unfollow or mute every one of those places, those voices, those influencers. Not out of bitterness, just protect your own peace. Because here's the truth, you're comparing your behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. It's never a fair fight. So scroll your feed. In fact, after this video, after, okay. I want you to stay on this video. But after that, scroll your feed and say, does this lead me better or worse? And mute the worse ones. That's all you have to do. And the beautiful part, if you actually do this for maybe twenty minutes and then next time you're on it, do another twenty minutes, you're training not only your brain to look for positivity and the lack of comparison, but you're training the algorithm to show you less. Change number five. Spend more on experiences and people and less on stuff. This is something I actually learned from my wife. And this is a money show, so let's talk about money. years ago when I felt kind of down or whatever, I bought something. Maybe it was the latest gadget, clothes, an upgrade. And the good feeling lasted about as long as the box. Happiness research though keeps pointing in the same direction. money tends to bring more lasting happiness when you spend it on experiences, on other people, or on buying back your time rather than on more things. So I changed how I spend my day. A day trip with my wife instead of a new gadget. Dinner with friends instead of an upgrade that I don't need. Recently we my wife wanted to go to a vacation. She said, I want to go to Treasure Island, Florida. So she looked and she looked and we went. But not only did we go, but we rented the boat and took it up and down the waterway. We went out to eat. We did the things that would be memorable to the children and to my wife and to us. Instead of buying everybody a new iPad, we took that money and did something different with it. So how do you start this? Next time you're about to buy a pick me up. Whether it's electronics, clothes, a new car, whatever. Can I spend this money on a memory or on a person instead? Change number six. I build a little breathing room in my finances. Okay. It's hard to feel happy when you're one surprise bill away from panic. Money sits in the back of your mind all day long, even when you're not thinking about it. So build a cushion. I started a savings account. I started another account. Set aside money for surprises. It didn't start big. It was small. It was automatic. What surprised me was how much lighter I felt. Not because I had a lot in this account or a lot in this account, but because one bad week, month, or even season wasn't going to sink us. Now, how do you start this up? Set up an automatic transfer, any amount, to a separate account the day you get paid. Name it peace of mind. Don't touch it unless it's a real emergency. If you really want help on this, I'm gonna recommend David Jones, Freer Finances. And again, he's not a paid sponsor of this, he's just a great friend. Go to FreerFinances.com check out David Jones, he can help you with this. Change seven, I started saying no. I used to say yes to everything, every committee, every favor, every Wayne Can I Pick Your Brain. And it became very tiring. I found myself resentful And found myself stretched way too thin. Every yes is a no to something else. Write that down. Every yes is a no to something else. When I said yes to everything, I was saying no to my health, my family, and my own peace of mind. So I've started pausing before I answer and say, Let me check, let me get back to you on that. Then ask this one question. If this were tomorrow, would I be glad I said yes? The answer wasn't a clear yes, it became a kind no. Just start practicing this one sentence. Here's how to start it. Thank you for thinking of me. I can't take that on right now. Clear done. Change eight. I schedule time with people who feel my tank. All right. One of the longest running studies of adult life out of Harvard. Followed people for decades. And one of its clearest finds is the quality of your relationships is the strongest predictors of a happy and healthy life. Not money, not status, relationships. Here's the thing, as adults, friendships don't just happen. Life gets busy, months go by. So I had to stop leaving it by chance. I place people on my calendar like an appointment. Now if you're watching this and you're like, hey, am I on your calendar? Wayne, I thought I was your friend. You are, and that's why you're on my calendar. So how do you start this? Think of two people who always leave you feeling better. Reach out to one of them this week and set an actual coffee date, lunch date, something. Change nine, I made peace with what I can't control. This is what I fought the longest. I'm a fixer, I'm a doer, I'm a coach consultant, I'm a man, right? We fix things. Something was wrong, I had to solve it. If I couldn't, I'd carry it around like a backpack full of bricks. Other people's choices, the economy, how someone felt about me. What changed things for me was drawing a simple line. What's mine to carry and what's not. My effort, my attitude, how I treat people, those are mine. The outcome, other people's decisions, the timing, you have to release that. And for me, a lot of that releasing happens in prayer, handing it over to a God who is capable, not just myself. I really run into this when I was sick. some of you know my story. I was very sick about a year and a half ago. So what I had to do was realize what I could do. There was things I could do. Prayer, doctors, supplements, dietary change, the things I could do, but what I couldn't do, I had to trust that God was, and He did. So how do you start? When something's weighing on you, write two columns, okay? Literally take a piece of paper and write mine on one side and not mine on the other. Put your energy into the first column and practice letting go of the second. Change 10. Do one kind thing for someone every week. Now, here's a strange truth. One of the fastest ways to feel better is to make someone else feel better. And it doesn't have to be big. A thank you text to someone who helped you years ago. Paying for the coffee behind you. Encouraging someone who's struggling. When you're focused on giving, there's less room for worrying about yourself. And research on kindness keeps finding that the giver often gets a lift as well. Now how to start? This one's easy. Send one message to someone who made a difference in your life. Tell them specifically what they did. An email, a text message, a letter. Change 11. I protect my sleep. I used to treat sleep like it was optional. First thing I'd cut when I got busy, and everything got harder. I was shorter with people, worried more, enjoyed less. Poor sleep makes almost everything feel heavier. Good sleep is you a fighting chance. So I'm actually very, very diligent about my sleep. I know I need to be in bed at this time and wake up at this time. Seven days a week. Now, some days I'm sleep go to be bed a little bit later. Some days I sleep just a little bit longer, but I set a schedule. Screens off, lights low, the day's done. Not perfect every night, but most nights. This matters more than you think. In fact, I'm gonna be doing a whole podcast on the power of sleep. And I'm gonna bring in a sleep expert to help explain what it does to your physical health, mental health, and so much more. Now, how do you start? Pick a shutdown time, 30 minutes earlier than your usual bedtime, set an alarm for it, and when it goes off, just start winding down. For me, I take my phone, I put it away, remember? I don't want to have it there but I can check it first thing in the morning. I put it out of arm's reach and it's charging. may watch TV or maybe talking with my wife, but I the lights are going out. It's getting darker. I'm gonna start winding down. And then I'm gonna make sure I get seven hours of sleep at least. Change twelve. I switched from I have to to I get to. This one I'm still working on. This one is the smallest change on the list, but maybe the most powerful. And if you catch yourself saying, I have to do this, I have to go to work, I have to drive the kids, I have to make dinner, then catch yourself and switch one simple word. I get to go to work. I get to drive my kids. I get to make dinner for people that I love. See the facts don't change. Your heart begins to. Maybe not immediately, but it will. Have to feels like a burden. Get to feels like a gift. Plenty of people would give anything for the have-to's we complain about. Let me say that again. A lot of people would give anything for the have-to's that we complain about. Now, here's how to start. For one day, for just one day. Every time you hear yourself say an I have to, say it again with I get to. Notice how it feels. Even if you don't believe it in the beginning, it will begin to take effect. Find an accountability partner. So anytime you hear me say I have to, Please correct me, it will make a difference. Now, before we wrap up this list, I want to say something very important. Everything I've shared today is for everyday unhappiness, the busy, stressed, stuck seasons we all go through. If you've been feeling down, empty, hopeless for weeks, if you've lost interest in things you used to enjoy, then maybe you need to reach out to a professional, a doctor or a counselor. That's what they're here for. and there's wisdom in reaching out to them. So let's run through all 12 again really quick. Phone out of reach in the morning. Three specific good things you're thankful for. Walk outside every day. Stop feeding the comparison machine. Spend your money and time on experiences and people, not stuff. Build a little financial breathing room. Say a kind, clear no. Schedule time with people who fill your tank. Make peace with what you can't control. One kind thing for someone every week. Protect your sleep and switch have to to get to. And don't try All 12 at once. That's just another way to feel behind. Pick one, maybe two. And again, go through this video again if you need to. Go through this podcast, listen to it again, write those 12 down and say, this week I'm gonna work on this. If you will do that over the next 12 weeks, you'll notice your happiness from the happening around you go to another level. Tell me in comments, I'm curious, which change you're starting with. I read every comment and they help me plan future episodes. And of course, hit the subscribe button if this has been good for you. Now I told you walking was one of the changes that moved my mood the most. And I didn't have time to cover everything about it today. How far, how often, and why getting outside makes such a difference. I break all of that down in our video here on this channel. This is Prosper with Wayne, creating health, wealth, and happiness in your life. I want to say thank you for following, and I look forward to seeing you on the next podcast. God bless.