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Monday Mini: What is 'Daddy'? · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stefph.
0:07
Speaker 1: I never told you production of iHeartRadio, and today we're
0:20
Speaker 1: kind of we're We've decided we're going to kind of
0:22
Speaker 1: swap back and forth on the Monday minis. Yeah, Samantha's
0:25
Speaker 1: covering what I'm covering. Again. I think if you know us,
0:28
Speaker 1: you'll probably be able to tell most of the time,
0:30
Speaker 1: who did which one. Although I did talk more gaming
0:33
Speaker 1: you did than you did, so it wasn't horror horror
0:38
Speaker 1: based games, but you want gaming outside of just that.
0:40
Speaker 1: But just saying I do I do, I do UM
0:43
Speaker 1: And this this definitely is still going to remain one
0:46
Speaker 1: of our newsier segments. And I actually think this is
0:48
Speaker 1: pretty on topic. This is a we're weird, you know,
0:52
Speaker 1: it's relevant. This is a whole thing. It's relevant right now.
0:55
Speaker 1: It's a whole thing right now. I do want to
0:56
Speaker 1: start by apologizing to the young folks. Apparently I shouldn't
1:00
Speaker 1: even be saying this. Are talking about it? But here
1:02
Speaker 1: where are we? Why shouldn't you be talking about it? Wait,
1:04
Speaker 1: it's like a young internet sling right now and they
1:08
Speaker 1: said a five over twenty. I shouldn't be saying it,
1:10
Speaker 1: but here I am wait, I don't want you to
1:12
Speaker 1: say it. If you're under twenty, that's creepy er. Well,
1:15
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about it. We are gonna talk about it. Okay,
1:18
Speaker 1: So today we are talking about daddy specifically making me blush,
1:26
Speaker 1: specifically the kind of internet daddy thing that's happened happening
1:31
Speaker 1: right now. So I do want to say, like, no
1:33
Speaker 1: kink shaming if you're consenting adults. Number One, we aren't
1:38
Speaker 1: talking about daddy issues. You can see our past episode
1:41
Speaker 1: on that. I think we're going to rerun that one
1:42
Speaker 1: soon as a classic because it is related to this conversation.
1:46
Speaker 1: We're not really talking about sugar daddies either. Also, it
1:49
Speaker 1: does have a different meaning in the gay community and
1:52
Speaker 1: in the kink community. We're going to talk about that
1:54
Speaker 1: a little bit, but not too much. It can also
1:56
Speaker 1: be a term of coercion. We're also not talking about
1:59
Speaker 1: that too much. We're specifically talking about this internet phenomenon
2:04
Speaker 1: that is really playing out right now. So we will
2:07
Speaker 1: touch on those things, but that's not kind of the
2:10
Speaker 1: topic at hand. But yeah, we are seeing it play
2:14
Speaker 1: out right now, particularly with Page of uscal Yes, yes,
2:17
Speaker 1: who's been called the Internet's Daddy. The Last of Us
2:22
Speaker 1: is midway through at this point, I guess I should
2:24
Speaker 1: say the date, Oh what is it? February twenty third,
2:27
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, and The Mandalorian season three is coming
2:31
Speaker 1: out this Wednesday, so it's it's like, really, oh gosh,
2:37
Speaker 1: it's really taken off. There's even an SNL skit with
2:40
Speaker 1: Pascal and it about this whole thing, and we mentioned
2:44
Speaker 1: some of the quotes he has around it. He said,
2:47
Speaker 1: daddy is a state of mind. He said, I'm your cool,
2:49
Speaker 1: slutty daddy. So he's very in on the joke, was
2:54
Speaker 1: very very in on the joke. But we'll talk about
2:57
Speaker 1: that more in a second. I do want to say
2:59
Speaker 1: I got a slash date because I recently did that
3:01
Speaker 1: whole Slash episode about why I read what I read
3:05
Speaker 1: slash generally being two men together in fan fiction, Not always,
3:09
Speaker 1: but generally. And I remember somebody said to me once
3:12
Speaker 1: I would slash page off Pascal with anything, and then
3:15
Speaker 1: I reached back out to her and I was like,
3:17
Speaker 1: so why did you say that? Just curious. She's like,
3:19
Speaker 1: because he's hot, So I didn't even say that. I mean,
3:21
Speaker 1: sometimes maybe you just want to see ahead. Anyway, I'm
3:27
Speaker 1: sure Oscar Isaac and he have been slashed plenty of
3:30
Speaker 1: Oh yes, sound dirty the way I just said that.
3:34
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Keep going, no, no, no, yeah, that's
3:36
Speaker 1: about right. All right. So let's get into some definitions.
3:41
Speaker 1: So from the Washington Post, the slang endearment, popular on
3:45
Speaker 1: Twitter and Instagram, among other platforms, is usually meant to
3:48
Speaker 1: communicate respect slash adoration to a male authority figure. This
3:52
Speaker 1: isn't entirely family friendly, though the meme frequently has a
3:56
Speaker 1: sexual tinge, and the article goes on the daddy has
4:00
Speaker 1: precious little to do with dads. It's a commentary on
4:03
Speaker 1: hero worship and power dynamics and sometimes a way of
4:06
Speaker 1: reversing them. Here's Peyser writing in New York Magazine. So
4:10
Speaker 1: this is a quote. Within the quote, a grown woman says, daddy,
4:14
Speaker 1: with intention, self assurance and lots of cynicism, We claimed
4:18
Speaker 1: daddy as our own, which allows us to gently mock
4:20
Speaker 1: the patriarchal structures you're playing into. The daddy joke is
4:23
Speaker 1: that we have control over the way we manifest Daddy,
4:26
Speaker 1: that we could one day even become our own daddy.
4:30
Speaker 1: WHOA And then so I found a whole article boxed
4:36
Speaker 1: specifically about Pedro Pascal and this whole thing, and here's
4:40
Speaker 1: a quote from that. Pedro Pascal didn't invent the concept
4:43
Speaker 1: of daddy, nor will he be the last to embody it.
4:46
Speaker 1: Daddies have always existed in our world. They're handsomely beautiful,
4:49
Speaker 1: the type that comes with age, maybe to the point
4:52
Speaker 1: of surprise their authority figures. They're effortlessly kind, but not
4:56
Speaker 1: always nice, the antithesis of toxic masculinity, though their attractiveness
5:01
Speaker 1: has often been tethered to an edible taboo, complexes and issues,
5:07
Speaker 1: and daddies would never call typically themselves daddy first is
5:10
Speaker 1: a title that is bestowed rather than self proclaimed, and
5:15
Speaker 1: then continues on the fantasy of daddy now exists primarily
5:19
Speaker 1: as a one way pursuit. Daddies are the object of affection,
5:22
Speaker 1: and if a daddy is actively pursuing anyone, let alone
5:25
Speaker 1: a recent high school graduate, they are no longer daddy.
5:30
Speaker 1: So they were talking about that in terms of like
5:33
Speaker 1: like Leonardo Dicapriody, you know who it was one of
5:37
Speaker 1: the first daddies who Steve Carrell really yes, And I
5:42
Speaker 1: tell you this is that whole like surprising thing. So
5:44
Speaker 1: when he came out like not too long ago with
5:47
Speaker 1: the beer the white hair, everybody was like, wait, what right?
5:52
Speaker 1: And did the name daddy I mean, I mean daddy,
5:54
Speaker 1: I mean daddy, that's a whole name. Duck video partially
5:58
Speaker 1: was because of Steve Carrell rising, but like wait what right?
6:03
Speaker 1: And he is he's the antithesis of that toxic masculinity,
6:07
Speaker 1: so we know as of now, as of now, yeah,
6:10
Speaker 1: I mean. And that's the interesting thing that they put
6:12
Speaker 1: in there is like it's a one way street, like oh, yeah,
6:15
Speaker 1: the daddy can't be attracted to the young girl calling
6:18
Speaker 1: him daddy, then it's gross no longer daddy. Yeah. He's
6:21
Speaker 1: been happily married to his wife for years and years.
6:24
Speaker 1: We get to see her, you know, you know who
6:26
Speaker 1: she is because she's been in all of his movies
6:28
Speaker 1: and shows and they write together, and then that's one
6:31
Speaker 1: of the appeals, like, oh my god, he's an amazing
6:33
Speaker 1: person who stayed just because he stayed with Yeah, wife,
6:37
Speaker 1: stay faithful as far as we know. That's part of it.
6:40
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about that in a second. Yes, okay.
6:43
Speaker 1: Another part of this is, as I said, Pascal is
6:45
Speaker 1: in on the joke and represents a quote particular type
6:48
Speaker 1: of hot and for him in particular, it also comes
6:52
Speaker 1: with this portrayal of gruff, reluctant father figures. Recently, there's
6:57
Speaker 1: been a lot of talk because after he was on
6:59
Speaker 1: sn he made a joke about like his Mandalorian voice
7:04
Speaker 1: being his bedroom voice, like a porno voice, and so
7:07
Speaker 1: when he uses it, he feels really uncomfortable because so
7:09
Speaker 1: he usually is a mask on, so like the helmet on,
7:12
Speaker 1: so you don't see it. But now that he said that,
7:14
Speaker 1: he's had to volease like this statement, like please stop
7:17
Speaker 1: doing that. Stop asking me to do it, because now
7:20
Speaker 1: everyone's like, do your porn voice. And that's when I
7:23
Speaker 1: mentioned in our last Last of Buzz episode when I
7:27
Speaker 1: said we need to talk about parasocial relationships. That's part
7:30
Speaker 1: of because that's been a big conversation with him as well.
7:35
Speaker 1: So I think we should revisit that, but for now.
7:39
Speaker 1: This term in this context most likely emerged from teen
7:45
Speaker 1: fan culture sometime around twenty fourteen. This was when Lord
7:49
Speaker 1: I don't remember this at all, but brought a lot
7:51
Speaker 1: of attention to it when she called Kim k Mom
7:54
Speaker 1: that year, and then she explained what she meant by that.
7:57
Speaker 1: And then in twenty seven teen, a game called Dream
8:01
Speaker 1: Daddy came out, which I honestly like chuckled the whole
8:04
Speaker 1: time I was reading the description. But basically, like you
8:06
Speaker 1: can choose what kind of daddy you want to try
8:07
Speaker 1: to date, Like there's a gop daddy. There's like do
8:12
Speaker 1: we need to get this game where we have we
8:16
Speaker 1: still have to do a game night with all of
8:17
Speaker 1: those games that we talked about previously. Well, add that
8:21
Speaker 1: to the time. Can you imagine I'm like blushing again
8:24
Speaker 1: just thinking about it. Oh Man, New York Times named
8:28
Speaker 1: twenty eighteen the Year of the Daddy. Okay, but I
8:33
Speaker 1: mean there's a reason that I'm kind of blushing about it,
8:36
Speaker 1: right because there is a sexualization around it and there
8:40
Speaker 1: that has a longer history than what we're going to
8:44
Speaker 1: cover in this podcast. But basically, researchers believe that that
8:48
Speaker 1: stems from terms like daddy issues and from pop music
8:52
Speaker 1: and kink communities. Um Alana Levinson dug into this whole
8:57
Speaker 1: thing and wrote, it's easy to forget that term for all.
9:00
Speaker 1: Tubiquity is also an actual sexual fetish. Using the term
9:03
Speaker 1: daddy is like BDSM light and gives you the right
9:06
Speaker 1: amount of semi role play without having to go the
9:08
Speaker 1: leather root or engage in a full on immersive role play.
9:12
Speaker 1: An anonymous twenty eight year old woman explains to me
9:14
Speaker 1: in this context, daddy is a gateway to exploring the
9:17
Speaker 1: dominant submissive dynamic, which doesn't always need to be overtly sexual.
9:21
Speaker 1: It can be funny, playful, or just weird. And so
9:25
Speaker 1: that whole thing can be traced back to at least
9:27
Speaker 1: in the nineteen seventies. You can hear it in a
9:29
Speaker 1: lot of porn and songs. I just recently rewatched X
9:33
Speaker 1: It's in there, and throughout I keep getting that song
9:36
Speaker 1: What's your Name? Who's Your Daddy? Stuck in my head?
9:38
Speaker 1: Now it does usually it usually but not always implies
9:46
Speaker 1: an age or maturity gap, or there's like the power
9:50
Speaker 1: dynamic is very key throughout all of this. So this
9:54
Speaker 1: history led to some claims that people using the term
9:57
Speaker 1: is appropriating it. This was called daddy gate hashtag daddy gates.
10:01
Speaker 1: I think it's twenty seventeen somewhere around there. But then
10:04
Speaker 1: it was sort of agreed upon that a lot of
10:06
Speaker 1: subcultures use daddy, I guess, but people were fighting about
10:09
Speaker 1: it for a minute, and then from in Style, here's
10:12
Speaker 1: a quote from my perspective as a homosexual male, use it.
10:15
Speaker 1: The term daddy and gay culture where it's specifically popular,
10:18
Speaker 1: boils down to your sexual preferences. Bottoms the label for
10:21
Speaker 1: generally submissive types in bed if they're so inclined, call
10:24
Speaker 1: their dominant partners labeled tops daddy. It outlines the power
10:28
Speaker 1: dynamics of the sexual relationship and boils down to sex.
10:32
Speaker 1: The article quoted Jack Halbert Stam, I hope I got
10:35
Speaker 1: somewhere quotes on that, a professor of English and Gender
10:37
Speaker 1: Studies at Columbia University and the author of several books
10:41
Speaker 1: like In a Queer Time and Place, The Queer Art
10:43
Speaker 1: of Failure, Female Masculinity and go Got Feminism, Sex, Gender,
10:47
Speaker 1: and the End of Normal. And the quote is from
10:51
Speaker 1: my perspective, it comes from black culture. I think that's
10:54
Speaker 1: a pretty accurate origin story if you needed one. And
10:56
Speaker 1: the article goes on to say Albert Stam explains that
10:59
Speaker 1: terms mommy and daddy became sexualized in post slavery period
11:03
Speaker 1: when black kinship was disoriented, and that is also forty
11:08
Speaker 1: and so he said, unfortunately, we do still live in
11:10
Speaker 1: this matrix of family relationships that are both taboo and eroticized,
11:14
Speaker 1: and often eroticized precisely where a parent is absent rather
11:18
Speaker 1: than where the parent is present. And that's really a
11:20
Speaker 1: psychoanalytic way of thinking about it. It lingers from a
11:23
Speaker 1: number of different sources. There is a lot more like
11:27
Speaker 1: when I was doing this research, I was wow, I
11:29
Speaker 1: guess I should have realized. But m Zaddy, on the
11:33
Speaker 1: other hand, was coined in twenty sixteen after the Taie
11:36
Speaker 1: Dollar Science song. And the difference is Zaddy is a
11:40
Speaker 1: daddy with swag. I guess they're better dressed and just
11:43
Speaker 1: loving you. He's talking about all these things with hip
11:45
Speaker 1: hop lingo. Thank you, thank you. Sorry. I apologize that,
12:04
Speaker 1: all right. So I do have my own theories that
12:06
Speaker 1: I want to talk about, which is related to all
12:08
Speaker 1: of this stuff. But and I am going to talk
12:12
Speaker 1: specifically kind of about because I do love The Last
12:14
Speaker 1: of Us. I do love Star Wars Mandalorian. I have
12:17
Speaker 1: seen this in fan fiction so many times, so I'm
12:22
Speaker 1: kind of like talking about that specifically, but I think
12:25
Speaker 1: it can be relevant other categories as well. But I
12:30
Speaker 1: think there's like the kind of dichotomy of you know that, Yeah,
12:36
Speaker 1: like the antithesis of toxic masculinity, which I could debate
12:39
Speaker 1: about that, but kind of the dichotomy of their gruff.
12:42
Speaker 1: They're kind of closed off, and then you have somebody,
12:47
Speaker 1: whether it is a young child or whether it is
12:51
Speaker 1: a romantic person who kind of wears them down. I
12:57
Speaker 1: guess like gets through their their shields are just through
13:02
Speaker 1: pure stubbornness, is able to make a relationship or a
13:08
Speaker 1: connection with this person. I think there's also a protection level,
13:14
Speaker 1: like a feeling like oh, this person will protect you,
13:17
Speaker 1: will protect this innocent person. I do think like if
13:22
Speaker 1: you're going into the sexual realm, which again this is
13:25
Speaker 1: about me talking about fan fiction, I think there's like
13:27
Speaker 1: a giving up of control element and like this person
13:30
Speaker 1: will protect you and I can be the submissive one
13:35
Speaker 1: or whatever. It's usually because like I said, I feel
13:38
Speaker 1: like I've said this on the podcast several times, but
13:39
Speaker 1: I know I've said it to you too, Like usually
13:41
Speaker 1: there's still even if it's two men, one of them
13:43
Speaker 1: is more feminine, one of them is like the more
13:46
Speaker 1: fem one's it's usually pretty physical too, like smaller, prettier.
13:54
Speaker 1: I do think there's like conditioning going on of just
13:58
Speaker 1: how we've all been raised in our society and what
14:02
Speaker 1: we've been taught is like attractive, but it's also I
14:06
Speaker 1: think sometimes it's just nice, like hell, here's the strong
14:09
Speaker 1: dude who will protect me. I do think I've read
14:14
Speaker 1: a lot of articles about the show The Last of Us,
14:17
Speaker 1: specifically about like, oh, here we've got the dad jucks.
14:20
Speaker 1: I love he's telling dad jucks. Oh he's got anxiety.
14:24
Speaker 1: I can relate to the anxiety, like all of these things.
14:28
Speaker 1: And yeah, there's certainly like they don't care about anybody,
14:31
Speaker 1: but they care about you well, Like they're so tough,
14:35
Speaker 1: but you're the one that they broke through and now
14:39
Speaker 1: they can't styll do anything for you. You're the one
14:43
Speaker 1: that made them like finally get in touch with their emotions.
14:47
Speaker 1: I've made them cry. They're protective. Now they do anything,
14:50
Speaker 1: but you kind of have to earn it. I read
14:52
Speaker 1: that in a lot of places it's not unconditional, kind
14:55
Speaker 1: of have to like really really earn it, and then
14:58
Speaker 1: you can get them to stay, to stay see you.
15:00
Speaker 1: So I would also say this is a bigger conversation
15:06
Speaker 1: than I want to have right now. But often in
15:10
Speaker 1: at least in the fan fiction space when this is
15:12
Speaker 1: a romantic kind of thing that the daddy the other
15:16
Speaker 1: person is kind of infantilizing a little a little are
15:20
Speaker 1: like this more childlike are more like sense of wonder, curiosity, innocence.
15:27
Speaker 1: So you've got this like world weary character who is
15:30
Speaker 1: unwillingly drawn in as a protector for the more quote
15:34
Speaker 1: like innocent, younger, smaller one. And that's kind of going
15:36
Speaker 1: back to what we said, like it's like kind of
15:40
Speaker 1: inherently a power dynamic thing. And also there usually is
15:45
Speaker 1: some kind of like age or maturity gap something. It
15:49
Speaker 1: is somebody who probably take care of you. They are
15:52
Speaker 1: usually physically strong. They can usually like lift you up
15:54
Speaker 1: and carret you know, it's super easy. I do think
15:57
Speaker 1: there's some self esteem issues here, but that's also for
16:01
Speaker 1: another time. I've talked about it before. I think we
16:04
Speaker 1: talked about it in our Daddy issued episode, and it's
16:06
Speaker 1: I think it's like going back to what a lot
16:08
Speaker 1: of people said. I think it's like a safe way
16:11
Speaker 1: to admit some attractions that we have are problematic, like
16:15
Speaker 1: because it's that one way street right, like it's not
16:17
Speaker 1: coming back at you, and there can be issues with
16:20
Speaker 1: that as well as Padro Pascal. I said, like, please
16:22
Speaker 1: stop asking me to do these things. But you know,
16:25
Speaker 1: hopefully fingers cross. Ideally it's a one way street where
16:28
Speaker 1: you can kind of express this attraction and nothing's going
16:30
Speaker 1: to come of it, and it's a way to perhaps
16:33
Speaker 1: address that. We know, oh, it's not great that I'm
16:37
Speaker 1: attracted to this thing, but I do have something. I
16:43
Speaker 1: the conditioning are what that has got me attracted to this.
16:46
Speaker 1: And then I did want to touch on this very briefly,
16:48
Speaker 1: and then I promise I'll stop for now. But I
16:51
Speaker 1: saw another article that was like kind of jokingly about
16:55
Speaker 1: how The Last of Us is a show about single
16:56
Speaker 1: parenting and how people found that so attractive. And so
16:59
Speaker 1: we've talked about before two like difference between how we
17:01
Speaker 1: treat mothers and fathers entertainment but also real life, because
17:07
Speaker 1: like if you think of like the dad Bob, that's
17:10
Speaker 1: like a sexy thing. Whereas for women were like, why
17:12
Speaker 1: didn't you lose the weight more quickly? We being the
17:15
Speaker 1: whole society, not me. But they also talked about how
17:19
Speaker 1: being a milf is something that happens in spite of
17:23
Speaker 1: having kids, but being a dilf is because you have
17:27
Speaker 1: kids and there's a lot of theories around that around
17:31
Speaker 1: like is it where people who are attracted to delves
17:34
Speaker 1: are looking for a man who will stay, you can
17:35
Speaker 1: take care of kids, like all of those things from
17:39
Speaker 1: Poorman Hub here's a statistic. Women are nineties six percent
17:42
Speaker 1: more likely to search for dad and daddy compared to men.
17:47
Speaker 1: They are perceived to emote more, whether they do or not,
17:51
Speaker 1: and it's the kids that matter. One of the studies
17:53
Speaker 1: I found, right, it's not the age because it was
17:57
Speaker 1: kind of like bringing attractiveness and changing all these variables.
18:00
Speaker 1: But they found it it was the kids, and they
18:04
Speaker 1: postulated it was like a potential mating strategy like, oh,
18:06
Speaker 1: he's fertile, you can take care of me, you can
18:09
Speaker 1: take care of a kid. And it held true even
18:12
Speaker 1: if the woman in question, the women in question didn't
18:15
Speaker 1: want kids. I don't know. Um, it's a lot going on,
18:22
Speaker 1: That's what I can say. Going on. There is, there is,
18:25
Speaker 1: and I'm sure we'll have more to talk about with this.
18:27
Speaker 1: Obviously there's a lot of pathways we could go. But
18:29
Speaker 1: this like conversation is raging online right now, so well
18:33
Speaker 1: you shall see what anything in with pimp Daddy, Yeah,
18:37
Speaker 1: which is a whole school word, but I don't hear
18:40
Speaker 1: as much anymore. Yeah, I briefly read about that, and
18:50
Speaker 1: it sounds like that's kind of been because it gets
18:53
Speaker 1: mixed up with sugar daddy, pimped addy, and like I
18:55
Speaker 1: said at the top, some people use it as coercion
18:58
Speaker 1: tactics in very very unhealthy relationships. So I think a
19:02
Speaker 1: lot of people have kind of heard about that and
19:04
Speaker 1: backed away, but I'm not sure. I didn't look into
19:06
Speaker 1: it too much. M interesting, It is very interesting. Well, listeners,
19:15
Speaker 1: if you've got any thoughts about this, I'm really sorry
19:18
Speaker 1: that I probably made everybody cringe, but I was curious.
19:22
Speaker 1: It was a fun moment. I'm sorry, but I would
19:27
Speaker 1: love to hear from you about it. You can email
19:30
Speaker 1: to stuff idio mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You
19:32
Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or
19:34
Speaker 1: on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I Ever Told You.
19:37
Speaker 1: Thanks It's always too our super producer, Christina. Thank you, Christina,
19:40
Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told
19:42
Speaker 1: You protection I High Radio. For more podcast in my
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