Latest / The Mami Collective / Breaking Generational Silence: Mental Health & Motherhood as a First-Gen Mom with Mamajotes

Transcript

Breaking Generational Silence: Mental Health & Motherhood as a First-Gen Mom with Mamajotes · The Mami Collective

• Paulina: Welcome to the Mommy Collective. I'm Paulina Rowe, radio host, TV contributor, writer, and mom of one. This is where ambitious moms come to keep their identity intact while navigating motherhood. Here we talk about the real stuff, career, money, relationships, identity, and... everything that gets messy in between. You won't find sugar coating or cliches. What you will find are unfiltered conversations, real resources, and proof that you don't have to lose yourself to be a good mom. The Mommy Collective is here to remind you, you can be ambitious, you can take up space, and you can thrive in motherhood and in everything else that makes you, you. Before we get into the episode, make sure you're following The Mommy Collective on Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram, and share this podcast with a mommy in your life who needs a inspiration or just a reminder that she's killing it. Also, don't forget to sign up for our newsletter and leave us a review so we can keep showing up and reach every ambitious mom out there doing big things. Let's get into it! We're back with another episode, Mommy Collective. I am so excited for my guest today, my semi-local Chicago girl. Okay, I'm going to call you my local girly because I know that you technically are from, I believe, Los Angeles. Totally. think we've adopted you at this point. I feel like it's almost been a decade. Like I'm in Chicago and I'm Midwestern now, so I'm good with it. I'm accepting it. I love it. So we have the one and only Jothi Chand or AKA Mama Joad. So how are you today? I'm doing good. I'm excited to be here. I'm so excited for you to be here and thank you for coming on the pod. We have so much to talk about because I not only admire you from like a mental health perspective because I'm, you know, semi I guess a mental health advocate in my own way as well. Like definitely not as outspoken as I want to be. I used to be and then I became a mom and then I lost time and now I have a whole new respect for mental health. Okay, let me just be honest. I'm like, who is a lot that has happened. But no, I mean like author mother. everything in between, right, author. So I really want to dive into you. But I also felt like you'd be such a good guest because there's so many layers to you. And I think one thing that you've done so well is not only like killing it as a mom, but maintaining these parts of your identity while being a mom. And I admire that so much. So I'm so excited to have you on today. Of course, of course. So first things first, if you wouldn't mind just giving us like a quick like summary of who you are, what you do, and then I know, right? The bio. I've got the whole, I've got every part of your bio. I've got my questions for you. Okay. So yeah, we'd love to hear from you. My name is Jyothi Chand and I am a mom of three. My youngest is two and a half and my eldest is nine. And I have a book that came out last year called Fitting Indian. And then I also have a book coming on next year called Unsuitable. And they're both graphic novels and fitting Indian is the one that ties into that mental health advocacy and just like the whole mental health in the South Asian stigma behind it. I am an influencer and content creator full time since 2021. I love it. I have a background in standup comedy and improv. I was born and raised in LA now live in the Chicago suburbs with my husband and my three kids, my two dogs and a cat. It's a full house. Wow. Full house. I'm sure your days are like. And I have a lot of grandma hobbies. Like I have a ton of grandma hobbies. Like I like to like garden and like knit and crochet and like sew. And then I also like to bake bread now. So I mean, I make my own butter. Like I'm just, I don't know what's happening. I feel like the older I get, like I'm just getting more grandma-esque. No, I love it. Listen, if it keeps you sane and it keeps you doing what you got to do, I love it. Okay. Everybody needs a hobby. Okay. Especially moms. Even if they are grandma hobbies. love it. I love it. So first things first that I would really like to kind of dive into is, you know, your journey with mental health. So being a first generation, Ray, a daughter of immigrants, I'm always so curious. How was the mental health conversation? What was that like growing up? Did it even non existent? Non existent? No, it was like We don't talk about it. you know, anything that went down in the house, like my mom suffered from anxiety and depression herself. And if we ever witnessed anything that was like symptomatic of that or like, you know, we, it would just be like, we're not going to talk about this. Like it's fine. Like mom's fine. Mom's fine. Fine. Everyone's fine. Everything's okay. We're not okay. No one was okay. Oh my God. Imagine trying to be our parents or like my parents where they came from a different country, didn't know anybody. My mother is like, freshly 21 thrown here with a man she met at the altar post marriage, like arranged and literally like had to just like do this life and then had children while still being a child herself. And then I look back and I go, how could they have had good mental health? They had no support system. They had no, what's that word I'm looking for? Not structure, but they had no security. There was no security for them. Like they came here and they had to make ends meet and there was no fallback plan. Like they couldn't just go home. And so yeah, everybody was like stressed and poor and geez, like it was, I mean, they were making ends meet like barely, barely, but they did it when they raised us and yeah, mental health was not, it's almost like they didn't have an option to even stop to care about it. You know? Because they were in survival mode. They were in survival mode for so long. And we know what survival mode as a mom, we know what survival mode is, right? Like we've all been in it so many times. The newborn phase, like you're just surviving. You're not thriving. You're just like half there. Yeah. Making it work. Absolutely. And so imagine that for just like decades. I know. I don't know how they did it. My mom's from Poland. So like I look at her and she was a single mom too, had me and I'm like, girl how, literally how, but like you figure it out, which is again, not the best way, but like they did with very little to no support mentally. We talk about a village all the time, right? Like, was there a village back then? Yes, there was actually probably more of a village than there is today because everybody was in survival mode. The family all came here together. My dad had his brothers and sisters. They all just like co-parented all of us. Like we were all parented by all the parents. Like if that makes sense. And now it's different because maybe some of us are not in survival mode. Maybe some of us are privileged enough to have be in a place where we're not in survival mode. But a lot of time we still feel like we are and there's no village. You have to make a village. have to like create this village. A hundred percent. How do you feel that you've created your village? Like with family friends? Exactly. Like I have a village. Like if I have friends in my neighborhood that have become our family, like they have been our, they are our family. Our kids are cousins like to us, like we're like, you guys are cousins at this point. And we literally will like parent each other's kids. Like I'll be like, ⁓ my God, like, you know, Karina wants to go to the book fair. Who's going? They're like, we're going, we'll pick her up. Like kind of thing. And I'm like, okay, cool. I don't, can't go to the book fair or we'll like do the same activities so that we can take turns taking the kids to the activities. and stuff like that. so having something like that is such a blessing. And it's like something you have to actively go out and create. Because you're asking so much from somebody else as well, you have to be able to give as well, right? So it's like the small things. Oh, I made a loaf of bread. Let me make an extra loaf of bread and drop it off. Oh, I have dinner. Let me put a Tupperware together. Or wrap your tacos for you and hand it to you in a car after you took my kid to their dance practice. So like. just those little things where we're helping each other in some capacity and knowing it's like this big familial relationship throughout like our neighborhood. And it's just like, it's like three or four families, but it's just nice for us to know that we can all like kind of lean on each other. And building a village like that is crucial to parenthood because you need people you can trust. There's nothing more important than that. A hundred percent agree. A hundred million percent. So really quick, I wanted to kind of dive into sort of like your standup, right? Your standup comedy and everything. Where did that sort of like stem from? Are you like a dark humor kind of girly too? Like, do you already know where I'm going with this? Like, is that kind of where it came Literally the only way I deal with trauma is like laughing at it. Yes. And so 100%. It's not like I had, I don't know how to compare trauma, but everybody has trauma, right? And mine was more dual identity, cultural crisis, born in America, but super Indian. Parents had high expectations of who I was and I had a set path that I had to follow. And if I didn't, it was like doom. So of course, the best thing I could do was go on stage and make dick jokes. I was like, duh, at this point. I've already failed them. didn't become a doctor. I majored in creative writing. I'm dating this non-Indian person at the time. I've already done all the things I'm not supposed to do. So it's like a modest well. so that's kind of where that stemmed from. was great. Yeah, I love that. I'm just curious. I have to know what were your parents' reaction to the stand-up part? The funny thing is, my dad actually loves comedy. but they were super uncomfortable with what my mom calls my below the belt comedy. You know, my below the belt. She'll tell me, she's like, I don't like my below the belt. Like kind of thing. But then she said, I was so proud of you though for going on stage and like having the courage to be able to do that. Cause she's like, I would never be able to. So like, I guess there was a piece of like pride in the fact that we've come so far that my daughter can go on stage and like do this, but also embarrassment of the fact that she's going on stage and doing this. Yeah, no, I totally get it. I totally get it. Do your parents or like, at one point when you were studying, right, creative writing, and you were really like, like you said, doing things that you weren't supposed to be doing. Did you ever feel like your parents also didn't really know what the hell you were doing? If that makes sense? Like, I feel like our immigrant parents don't know what we do. They still don't know what I do. dad's in my content and he stills like, ⁓ Like, well, like they can explain it to some extent. I remember when I was in creative writing and I was in undergrad and I had written like one play and my mom would honestly be like, people be like, what does she do? like, ⁓ she writes dramas. And I was like, mm, no, okay, okay. We could call it that. you know, like the way that was her explanation for people when I was tutoring, I was a tutor, but I was. so much more than a tutor. was an academic manager and I taught executive functioning to children. So it was very like complex. But then she would just go tell everybody that like I tutored math and I was like, that's not. Yes, but it was like you took it and you scaled it down. So now I think my job description is that I make videos. Hey, I'll take it. I'll take it. It's just funny with when I listen to like immigrant parents like truly ask them, what does your kid do for a living? It's the. It's so funny. Just like what does your kid do unless they're a doctor lawyer engineer. Nobody knows I They don't know they don't know my parents are talking about these kids yesterday They're like they're talking about like the kids in the family. They're like, so and so son is oh, yeah He even said doctor he's a doctor He's doctor cuz everyone's a doctor and then they go to this one can they're like, I think he does something Finance money banking like they couldn't put it together and I was like he's an investment banker He makes more than all those doctors. Okay Like I mean, yeah Like what? Yeah. Oh, 100%. 100%. Did you ever feel or like were there ever any moments of conflict when you were studying or when you were, I'm going to just say like sort of rebelling from what you were quote supposed to be doing? Like, did you ever bump heads with your family? My mom threw a can of hairspray at me like truthfully. think there was this like, almost like this disappointment, right? Like she could have done, she had so much potential. kind of thing that, you know, where you felt inadequate, like you didn't meet up to their expectations. So you're inadequate and now, you know, you're going to spend your life trying to prove that you chose the right path or else you just have left them disappointed. But yeah, I mean, I think as immigrant children, a lot of us feel that like, I don't think it matters if you went into medicine or not. Like my brother is a doctor himself and he did all those things and then he stayed unmarried. So now he's a disappointment in another category. Oh. I mean, yeah. You know what saying? Like, he's not. To me, he's not. He's living his best life and he's doing his thing and he's happy. Right? So if you're happy, that's awesome. That's all that's the goal. But then for our parents, there's a checklist and you have to check everything in that checklist for them to feel like you've now accomplished what we've asked you to accomplish. Yeah, no, that checklist is very real. And if you're a kid of immigrants, know exactly what you're talking about. So I 100 % agree. And I am curious too, when it comes to like your parenting, right? And you're raising two little kids in America. So obviously you were raised here, your parents were not, they were born in India. So how are you now? They're actually from Burma. ⁓ that's right. That's right. From Burma. That's right. So they came to the U S and then this is where you were born and you grew up here. So this is like what you know, but you've mentioned earlier that, you know, but you also have this like other identity, right? Like this identity, but you're this, you're that, right? And then Spanish, there's like a quote that we say, it's like, you're neither here from there, but you're not like American enough. So I'm just so curious, like in other people's eyes, right? You sometimes, you don't like feel American or you don't feel like you're this because you're that. But with that being said though, how are you raising your kids? I'm curious, like what parts are you keeping identity-wise and like showing them while raising them here? So for me, the most important things about culture are food, right? And music and dance. Like I just feel like... Those three parts of, at least our Indian Burmese culture that we have are so important. So we have Burmese food and Indian food at home all the time. I find that to be very important and the kids have a great palate for it they love it. It's home food to them. So when they want a comfort meal, they're going to lean into that. And I love that. I'm like, great, second generation and you love Indian food and you love Burmese food and some of those flavors are super intense and it's like in their blood. They love Bollywood music. They love dancing. They love our culture in the way like we dress up and we get ready and they get to wear pretty clothes. And I think those little things as like superficial as it sounds, it's so important for our culture. Like all that color, all those, you know, traditions and holidays that, know, what you dress up for, it all ties together. The other thing that I'm keeping is I guess passing on is this respect for our elders. I think that our culture does a really good job of taking care of our elders and showing that why it's important to take care of your parents and why it's important to have your parents in your life. And we do have good relationships with our parents. Our kids do see their grandparents so much. And they see that I talk to my mom every day and I talk to my dad every day. My husband talks to his mom every day. And they see that we're not just a family of five. We are a family of that includes our parents, right? Like our family extends out to our parents and our siblings. So showing them like this family unit of we all grew up together. Yes, we're not all living near each other, but this is our family. These are your cousins. This is my brother. It's like, you know, and, know, in the hopes that like, they also will have this family, you know, carry these family values that we carry so deeply. And I do feel like that's part of our culture, the family values. Sometimes it can be toxic. the family values, right? Like we keep people, but for my case, luckily it isn't. I'm very blessed that it's not toxic and we have a good family dynamic. And so we are able to continue having this, show them our family values. Absolutely. And what do you feel like you're not passing along, if you were to be honest? The expectations, all of that. We are like, you don't have to do anything. Do we want you to be diligent and work hard and get a good job. Absolutely. If you want to live this lifestyle, you need to work hard for it. Like it does not just come easy, but there is no pressure for you to live this lifestyle. If you want to grab a condo in the middle of the city and one bedroom and live solo with your two cats for the rest of your life and you're happy, awesome. Go do that. Just be happy and be able to afford yourself. Right? If you want a family, be happy, be able to take care of your family, whether your daughter or son. I want you to be able to take care of your family. Like for my daughter, it's not like, ⁓ no, a man's gonna take care of you. ⁓ You are gonna take care of yourself. And then, and maybe you'll take care of him too. Because I was always told that like, even though my mom worked and my mom took care of us and my dad worked, so like my mom, what she really wanted for me to was to be taken care of in this way. And like, I am married to someone who can provide for me, but I still have chosen to. run the run and provide for us too. And sometimes I regret that decision. I get so mad that I'm ambitious. Do you know I mean? Like, don't you just wish sometimes like you weren't ambitious? Like you're just like, you know what? I think I'm just gonna not. Like I don't have that in me. Like I do too much and I have to force myself to sit down and watch an episode of Bridgerton. So, and I love it. You get that right? could tell you get that you're probably like running in circles. You have your child sleeping right now and instead of resting during the snap time you're on a podcast. So. Yep. Yep. Oh yeah. Oh girl you and I would be best friends because I feel like you're speaking my language because sometimes I'm like do I have to take on this new venture this new project? Do I have to? But it's like no but I'm going. Yeah but I'm going to. Why not? Yeah. Yeah. I'm really pushing my limits here but. Listen, I told my husband I tell everyone whoever listens to me over the hell listens I'm like if I know I'm burnt out or I know that like I'm Like I say failing as a mother because I think that's not really possible. I think we're really failing I think it's just moments where you're like maybe overwhelmed or you're just this you're sleep-deprived. Maybe I'm fucking hungry I don't know I was I look at it as like I know my limits, you know, I'm like I know when to stop we're all good. But right now I'm on a high. I'm pretty good. Let's keep going Things are great right now, right? It's the moon. think the cycle right now, like we're like in a good spot. Yes. We'll in a couple of months. Yes. Yes, yes. Besides like the craziness of the world sometimes, I'm like, I'm good. Sometimes I'm just so good. hard in winter. Like I'll go hard in winter because it's cold, right? And you're like, I'm already inside. Like, let me just get this shit done. Summer hits. Like it gets hot outside and I'm like, I'm done. I don't do anything except sit in the sun now. Same. Same. Popsicles. Like this is all I'm doing for three months. So. I pretty much like, and I suck at responsibility in the summer. That's hilarious. That's very true. Very true. So I am curious, like, you know, you obviously have grown your social platform and the content creating. mean, like, I honestly think you got to treat it like a full time job to get to sort of where you're at, because that is it's a full time job. With that being said, and you, you know, really like giving it everything and you're very like transparent too. Like you make us laugh, but you'll also like share stuff with us, right? Like, and I love both sides of that. How do you find the time to do that? Like I've always been curious. gotta make the time. Like you gotta prioritize, right? So I actually, like you said, like when I first started this, you know, my husband and I had a conversation about it and I was like, I'm going to treat it like a full-time job because if I act like I have a hundred thousand followers and post like I have a hundred thousand followers and one day I'm going to have a hundred thousand followers. And that was literally my mindset. So for two years I did exactly that. showed up every single day. I posted every single day. And at times it was like, why am I doing this? Why am I wasting my time? Like, I should be doing something else. Like, why am I? You know, and you have imposter syndrome. You are being cringed to so many people in your circle. Like, people are saying shit. And they're just like, whatever. Like, you have to block out the noise. Because I think that if you really want something and you want to achieve it, you're going to have to be a little cringed to get there. And especially with content creation. And so. At some point it switched from cringe to cool. At some point in 2021, it went from cringe to cool. And all of a sudden I'm getting brand deals. I'm working with Target. I have an agency. You know, got a book deal. and I think that's when people start like, ⁓ that's she's doing. You know? And it's like, it's always you are focused on what you're doing. Like you will make, you make the time to do it. Like, you know what you want. There's an end goal. you make the tiny little steps to get there and then you make the time to do that. And yes, that does mean sometimes not hanging out with your friends and sometimes going to bed early and waking up early before the kids. Like I wrote this entire book right here because I woke up at 5 a.m. every morning for three months while my kids two under two, they were like three and two or something at the time. ⁓ wow. They slept till seven and I was like, I have two hours, let's go. Every morning I had two hours to write and I would sit there and sometimes I'd get a page out, sometimes I'd get 10 pages out, but I finished it. I did it. And I was like, ⁓ my God, I did it. Like it was so invigorating. I also quit drinking alcohol. That helps too. Yes. I was going to ask you so sobriety. What was the choice behind that to not drink anymore? And we all have a drinking problem. Yeah. You're not wrong. Listen, I got family in AA. Like you're not wrong. I agree. think drinking problems are on a spectrum. And for me, I had a drinking problem and I didn't want to recognize it as that. So I decided to do a dry January, felt really good after. Felt like I got like half of my brain back that was missing. And then I realized in the coming months after like really reflecting on it that I had a drinking problem because I just never could just drink a little bit. It was usually like. It was more than I needed to, right? Even that one glass of wine at night, that just slows you down so much. It slows your body down, your brain down, you don't sleep well. And it's just like this vicious cycle of anxiety. And it was the best thing I could ever do. And it's not a coincidence that the minute I quit drinking January 3rd, 2021, and that same year, within six months, I wrote a book, got a book deal, hit a hundred thousand followers, got an agent, got one of my biggest brand deals. to start, like all that within six months of quitting drinking. Like that's coincidence. No, not even remotely close. And why do you think that is? it because of the discipline that it gave you? Clarity. Better sleep, less anxiety, able to handle the day, learned how to process my emotions. Was it easy? No. It's not like it's just like magic button, like I quit drinking and all. No, like I put in the work to get where I wanted to get, but it really took that like taking a step back from alcohol, allowing my brain to like clear up. And then there's this thing called sober productivity. It's like all that time you spent drinking, now what are you doing with it? No, that's really true. You have a glass of wine at 5 PM with dinner. You slow down, right? You're not going to start like creative, like you're not going to start writing, working on a book at like 6 PM with like a glass or two of wine in you. You're going to probably chill out, watch TV, hang out, talk on the phone, whatever, right? Pass out at some point. So now it's like I regained like 20, like I feel like I gained so many hours a week because I wasn't drinking. Absolutely. No, it is nuts, but it's so true and valid. So on top of clarity, what did sobriety give you that you didn't expect, right? Especially like being a mom creator, like author, like what did it give you? Freedom, which is so crazy to say because I felt like alcohol was a weight on my shoulders and letting go of it was like taking chains off. It almost felt like I was at a point where I was drinking even when I didn't want to drink. Really? Yeah, like I was like, ⁓ I'll just have a nightcap. I already opened a bottle of wine so I should just have a nightcap. Right? There's like this like pull to it. It was almost like it had me and or like Sam going out and like, Okay, I'm not drinking today. I'm not drinking. How many times have we all done that? I'm not drinking today. I'm not gonna drink because I got something tomorrow. And then you're having this like argument with yourself like this. whole thing with yourself about you not drinking today. Imagine never having to do that again, just because you already know you're not drinking. It's like this weight that just gets off your shoulders and it feels like freedom. is freedom. I love that. Oh, that makes me so happy for you. Congratulations, though. How long have you been sober for, technically? Over five years. Amazing. You should be so proud. I love it. Oh, that's incredible. I love it. What kind of boundaries do you feel like you're setting? with like, you know, your audience, whether it's on social media, right, or even like people who just email you or anything like that, right? Because I'm sure you talk to people from all different walks of life, right? Even at the freaking PTA meetings, whatever it might be. How are you setting boundaries? have a lot of boundaries that I had to put into place over the last five years or six years because as things picked up and things got busier, like I'm working for myself. So there really is no check clock in and clock out time, right? It's kind of like motherhood. You're never going to get to clock out. If I have my phone in my hand and I'm accessible, like I'm there, right? And I eventually had to kind of like train myself to put it away, especially when I'm with the kids because like I can't be worked out. Yeah. Do I check my email? Yes. I'll check it like two times by the time the kids between bus coming home and going to bed, I will check my email twice. ⁓ but I'm not like sitting there answering DMs when I'm with my kids. Like I'll do that after the fact. I don't take my phone to bed. where else I'd be on it all night. read in bed every night. I love reading and I feel like it just, it's a part of my routine. So I don't take, keep my phone downstairs. I don't share stories that are not mine. So if something's happening in my family, that is not my story to share. You will not know about it because it is not mine. I respect that with like my parents, my brothers, my husband, like that's all them. ⁓ and I'm very like conscious of like how my kids are presented. because as they're getting older, I want to make sure that they're never seen in like distress or like upsetness. Like I don't want their emotions to be shining on the internet. I don't want them to be like, I'm not going to ever put up a video of my daughter crying or tell you what punishment I gave her or like what bad thing she's done. You know what I'm saying? Like if it's funny and it's okay to share from them, then I will tell a story. But if it's like my, like my nephew, like my toddler. in his middle of the night escapades of things he wants. He wants ice cream in the middle of the night. He has to poop in the middle of the night. There's so many things in the middle of the night. yeah, so I'm just very conscious of what I share about everyone other than myself. For me, you can get all of me. Have it. I'll be vulnerable with you. I'll also give you my ups and downs. But everyone else, it's different. 100 % agree. And I respect the hell out of you for that. Because I think in a world with tons of oversharing, know, and just stuff like that. I always find it not necessarily okay when it comes to other people. And I work in radio and I have gotten my ass beat, okay, because I have told stories that are not mine to tell. I've said things about my mom and woo hoo. I've got it. I hear you and I respect that. And as a mother now looking this way, right, being in this perspective, I wouldn't do that to my kids. So I love that. I love that you do that. And it's hard balance of like how much to show your kids with the internet and everything because starting off when we started we didn't even think twice about that, right? And now you're kind of like, ⁓ and it's like these are conversations I have with my older two, you know, and like they do have autonomy of telling me when they're okay being in content or hey, they'll sometimes be like, mom, let's make a video, but like don't post it. I'm like, that's fine. I have so many drafts of reels of just making funny videos with my kids that I've never posted because they just wanted to make the video. They didn't want everyone to see it. And so I feel like there's something with that. That's why I do a lot of content with my dad or myself. My toddler right now loves to make videos, but then again, he doesn't really fully understand it. He's so young. So one day he's going to also tell me, hey, Pam, no, I don't want you to post that. Oh, yeah. 100 % he will. Oh, how cute. Oh, I love it. Yeah, your videos with your dad are funny. I saw one recently and that was like relatable when you were like, we were not allowed to go eat out or something or no, we had to get the cheapest thing on the menu. And then you're like, and then here's my dad, the guy who forced that. Yeah, have the whole menu. now. ⁓ yeah. As he should be. As he should. As he should be. If I can spoil him, I'm going to spoil him. And you should. But I just think it's so freaking hilarious and like very relatable. They are like that now. They're just like living their best lives. ⁓ so sweet. How do you deal with criticism or critique or, I mean, I hate the word haters, but it is what it is, right? How do you deal with the negative side of social media, right? When it comes to like stuff that you post or just, I don't know, if you share an opinion and someone's really got to let you know theirs, how do you handle that and protect your mental health while you're at it? You have to have a thick skin and you build that thick skin, which is just terrible to say, but you just have to like, people make fun of me, my nose all the time. It's so... What? Well, because I have a prominent nose, right? So if you go through viral videos, you'll go in the comments and there's like lot of like making fun of me having like the, ⁓ she could have smelled that a mile away. know, like literally. ⁓ God. It's always the same jokes too. They're like so like, at some point I'm just like, what? But I have to like, I always constantly remind myself and this is coming back to mental health is anybody who has the audacity to go on the internet with their face or without their face and leave. rude or mean comments for someone they don't know or think they have a paras, you know, think they know because of a parasocial relationship is struggling with their mental health. They're not okay, right? And so when you remind yourself like this isn't about me, this is an internalized problem that they're projecting onto me, none of it bothers you. You know, somebody making fun of my nose may have had like a really bad day and just need it till then. Do I agree with you putting it on the internet? No, I think you should just like go to therapy. you know, it's not gonna make or break me unless it's an imminent threat to me or my family. Like, I'm fine. Now if you threaten my children, I will find you. Period. I find you. Period. No, you're better than I am. I joke, but I'm also maybe not joking, but like I'm working on me. Okay. I'm really not trying to take it to hell, but sometimes I will. I'm working on it. I'm gonna stop. I promise. I just, have something against like online bullies. They enrage me in ways I've never even, like I didn't even know existed. But I think one of my like, yeah, like one of my like coping mechanisms or whatever, if you will, is I can be like a little bitchy for sure. And it's weird because it's not even who I am. Like I'm the sweetest fucking person you ever meet in the world. Like I'm not trying to be like, I'm so nice, but like, I know that I am. I'm very kind to help people. Like I know who I am, but when I get in that mode, something that I've sort of, think I learned it from a radio personality in New York. He talks about this often in his books too. He says like, you can't really like use your truth. You can't use my truth against me. So if I go online and go, yeah, a bitch gained 30 pounds from having a baby. Like you can't insult me with something that I just put out there myself. Like I'm owning it. You get me? I'm like, no, a bitch is on ozempic. I'm on ozempic. Like you can't like, can't get me. You can't gotcha. You know? Yeah, no, I agree. Like, that's kind of what comes back to like that comedy thing when you're making fun of yourself. You can't be fun of me if I'm already making fun of myself. Period. It sounds so like you can't be mean to me. You can't be mean because I'm already mean to me. I'm already mean to me. You can't be mean to me. 100%. No, I think that's where my comedy comes from. Like I'm such a what is that word when you're self deprecating? invented that shit. Okay, I'm like, you can't get me especially when I just like got myself like you can't do it. But nonetheless, I know that it's hard. I do sometimes like to reply to people just you know, like put salt on the wound a little, you know, just depends on the day if I have time for it. I'll be like, Okay, what do you guys say? The real original man. I just respond to your mom. Literally, like 90s comebacks. Yeah. That's hilarious. No, I get it. I get it. And no, it's not cool. But unfortunately, it does come with the territory. get that. Is it OK? No. have haters. You got trolls. Just laugh at it. None of it's real. They don't know you. And you know what's funny, too? Yes, exactly what you're saying. And I also feel like there's a quote. I read this or whatever. Maybe it's a song. But it's like, if you don't got haters, you're not popping or whatever. I work in radio, I was not getting hate comments or hate anything for, I don't know, a month or two. I felt so irrelevant. was like, do you not hate me anymore? Do I not relevant? Yeah. No, no, no. It's actually true. People start hating you when you're doing something right. And that's what my brother always says. goes, once you start hating you, you're doing something right. That is so true. That is so true. Nonetheless, though, girl, you are blessed and you living it. You're living your truth. You're living in everything that you're doing. I love it. love it. You really do inspire me. And I mean that because you remind me a lot of me. you do. We're going to have to much in common. Now that we live so close to each other, we're going to have to hang out now. I know. I love it. We're like kind of neighbors. Kind of sort of. I if you're like this way in town, we're neighbors. Yeah. I love it. You're writing your next book and I'm curious, what does that look like? What's it about? Are we going to get a different side of you? Like what is this new endeavor, this new project? So the next book is already completely written. It's currently in art. So here it's actually a graphic novel, right? So after I write all the panels, it goes into art. And so this next one is actually an adult graphic novel with a YA crossover. So it's more leaning towards adult, but like also can be young adult. But the main character is 18 and she's pregnant. So it's about three Indian women living under one roof with an 18 year old who's hiding her pregnancy. And things start to slowly unravel. It's really about womanhood and it brings them together. guess I would call it women's fiction, to be honest. And so it has humor and it's funny and like the characters are really lovable. It's very character driven. And I really try to like touch on a lot of South Asian narratives and stigmas that I want to change or break. So like teen pregnancy, premarital sex or premarital relationships, post-marital meaning like the mom is a widow. So like post-marital sex. Like what do we do now? Your husband's dead. Because in our culture, most widows don't get back out into the world. And in this book, her mother-in-law, of all people, encourages her to date. kind of that healing mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship you're going to see in this book is something you've never seen with mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws is like a beautiful, loving relationship. And just really trying to bring in this whole like These women are all in different parts of their lives and they all are having their own various problems, but then at the end they're all there for each other. ⁓ my gosh. Congrats. I love this. ⁓ my God. This is amazing. Well, congratulations. Yeah. Miss ambition over here is not slowing down and I love it. Well, thank you so much for coming on the pod today, but thank you again for coming on, for being vulnerable, for being transparent. So congrats again and thank you for coming on and we'll talk to you soon.