Latest / HEY, AMBITIOUS / 35. Expanded: Your Ambition Doesn't Need More Pressure

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35. Expanded: Your Ambition Doesn't Need More Pressure · HEY, AMBITIOUS

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey ambitious, welcome to this podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me how you're doing, and I have a new feature added to the podcast, which is called the fan mail.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: So now we can actually communicate back and forth.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: So you can leave me a voice message or a text.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can ask me a question, and I can also make a podcast episode answering your question.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd love to know where you are.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, this is the space for you where we don't apologize for wanting more, creating more, experiencing more, but also doing it in a way that is not fueling our ambitions from pressure but from possibility.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because you are potential for what is possible through you.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you are one of the most important parts of the expansion and creation and life that you want to experience.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to start today, today's episode, with something I think a lot of ambition women quietly believe.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: If I want more, more is going to be required of me.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Does that sound familiar?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, that's something that I am rewiring, and that's why I am holding the space for you.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, doing it together is much more fun.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it's that familiar pressure.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: If I want the bigger business, I need to work harder.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: If I want more money, I need to get better.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: If I want the next opportunity, I need to prove myself.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, that's my pattern for sure.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: If I want the vision I've been dreaming about, I need to figure out how to make it happen.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: More effort, more discipline, more improvement, more pushing, more figuring it out.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually, even the things we really want can start to feel heavy.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because somewhere underneath the desire is this calculation.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my, what's this going to require from me?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the idea I've become fascinated by.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: What if expansion does not require more from you?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: What if expansion requires access to more of you?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this is exactly where I am on my journey and creating this brand, He Ambitious, that is a lot more that is coming.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: But this is the idea.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Idea behind something I've created inside the expansion studio called Expanded.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Ambition Reimagined.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: The old operating system is very familiar.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine that you're running your life on an operating system.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: You've been installing programs into this system for decades.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Work hard, be responsible, get it right, don't disappoint people, plan ahead, be productive, prove yourself, do more, and make it happen.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is a pretty impressive operating system, don't you think?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: It has probably created a lot for you.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely has created a lot for me.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Your career, your business, your accomplishments, your reputation, your ability to walk into a difficult situation and handle it.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we're not throwing it away.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: But here is where it gets interesting.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: When you decide that you want to expand, you naturally ask the operating system you already have.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, how do we get there?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: And the operating system searches everything it knows and it says, easy, work harder, we get better, we make a better plan, we prove ourselves, we control more variables, we figure it out.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just getting heavier as I am talking to you here.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: So suddenly the vision that felt exciting five minutes ago feels exhausting.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm definitely going through these periods in my journey as I'm expanding my brand, ambitious, and I'm catching myself going back and forth to that operating system, but way less than before because well, anyway, let's continue.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: So suddenly the vision that felt exciting five minutes ago feels exhausting.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Just recognize that, notice.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not necessarily because the vision requires all of that, but because that's the system you're using to interpret what expansion requires.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's a very different conversation.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the problem is not your ambition.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the problem is not that you want too much.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe expansion itself isn't asking more from you.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're trying to create something new using only the patterns that are already familiar.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what I want to interrupt.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is really the heart of expanded.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of telling you to stop working hard, stop controlling, stop overthinking, stop perfecting, stop proving, stop wanting more.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: We actually introduce new variables.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Curiosity, experimentation, adaptability, play, receiving, trust, uncertainty, changing your mind, opening yourself up for more possibilities.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Trying something before you know whether it's going to work.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Allowing something to be easier.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Following a spark without immediately demanding a five-year business plan from it.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: There aren't replacements for hard work.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: They are additions.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes hard work is exactly what's needed.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sometiming is incredibly useful.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need discipline.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need to push.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens when those are the only responses you know how to access?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Your range gets very small.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why expanded is not about becoming a different woman, it's about expanding the range of the woman who is already here.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: More responses, more choices, more perspectives, more ways to participate, more of yourself available to meet whatever comes next, more adaptable, more creative.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where I wanted expanded to be very different from a traditional coaching program.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because ambitious women generally aren't suffering from a shortage of information, right?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: We know.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: We know we're overthinking, we know we are perfectionists, we know we need to rest, we know we are controlling, we know we should trust ourselves, we know we should stop putting so much pressure on ourselves.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then Tuesday happens, and you are rewriting the email for the 17th time.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Understanding the pattern is important, but understanding alone does not necessarily create a new pattern.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Many clients that I work with, they are super aware.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: You practiced the old one for some time, over and over again.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure comes up, work harder, uncertainty, control.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Something doesn't work, do more.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Someone doesn't respond, make it mean something.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know the answer, figure it out immediately.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: These responses become familiar.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So if we want more range, we need more than information.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: We need practice.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why expanded is it's expansion in motion.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Every week inside expanded begins with what I call a possibility drop.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is not an hour-long lecture where you need 17 pages of notes.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, thank you.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: No notes.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's one idea, one new variable, one perspective.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: It might come from neuroscience, psychology, research, and experiment.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Something that helps you look at a familiar pattern differently.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Something that makes you stop and go, huh, I never thought about it that way.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's the possibility drop.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then comes the part I care about most.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: You take it into your life.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't just want you to understand curiosity.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to practice curiosity when you don't know what to do.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to simply understand uncertainty.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to notice what happens inside you when you actually don't know.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to lecture you about adaptability.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to experience changing the plan and discovering that you can handle it.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's why each possibility drop becomes a possibility experience.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: A small experiment you practice in motion, in your business, at work, at home, inside a decision, inside something you're creating, inside your normal Tuesday afternoon.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we the work becomes really interesting.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because now we're not talking about your patterns from a distance, we're catching them in motion.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: You notice.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, there I am trying to control the outcome.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of making control wrong, we introduce another variable, curiosity.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: What don't I know yet?
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: You notice.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to make this perfect before anybody sees it.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: New variable, experimentation.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: What if I let this be a test?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: You notice yourself saying, this is not working.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of immediately doing more new variable adaptability.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: What's this showing me?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know what's going to happen.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of rushing to eliminate the uncertainty, you practice staying with I don't know yet.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is expansion.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Not talking about change, practicing change while the old pattern is actually happening.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And every time you do that, you create another experience of yourself.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I can choose without knowing everything.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can change my mind.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: I can try something without knowing whether it will work.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: I can let the result be information instead of making it a verdict about me and what's possible.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I can feel uncertain without immediately needing to control it.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can create without pressure being the only fuel available.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're not trying to convince you that you're different.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: We are giving you opportunities to experience yourself differently.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: One of my favorite identities we explore inside expanded is what I call the tester and the creator.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: The tester is running that familiar operating system.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: She wants to know what's the right answer?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have enough evidence?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Am I ready?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Am I clear?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: What if this does not work?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: How do I make sure I get this right?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: She's trying to pass the test.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: The creator asks something different.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: What becomes possible?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: What am I curious to try?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: What did this teach me?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: What haven't I considered yet?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: What's one more I can what's one move I can make from here?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: The tester wants certainty before she moves.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: The creator understands that sometimes movement creates the information.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's creation.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I will place a link to my other podcast episode where I talk about the tester and life is not a test.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: So it will be great for you to listen to that to understand the depth of this concept.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: So creation inherently includes something that ambitious women aren't always crazy about, which is not knowing the part of the uncertainty.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that uncertainty is the admission ticket for expansion.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can plan the trip, but you cannot plan the experience.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And there are possibilities you literally cannot see from where you are currently standing.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you have to participate before they become visible.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to make something very clear.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Expanded is not about deleting your old operating system.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to take away your ability to work hard or plan or achieve or be disciplined.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Those are incredibly incredible capacities.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're simply updating the system so they're not your only options.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because there is a big difference between I can work hard and I have to work hard for this to work.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's the expansion.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: You haven't lost anything, you've gained range.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna be practicing together for sure.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: So because normally ambitious women, just like me, measure ourselves by what we accomplished.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: What did I produce?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: What did I achieve?
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: How much did I get done?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, we practice asking, how did I participate?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Where did I notice the old operating system?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Where did I introduce a new variable?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Where did I choose differently?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Where did I experiment?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Where did I allow curiosity to get a vote?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Where did I surprise myself?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a different kind of closure than the checklist.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Then we gather what I call a creative breadcrumb.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: One little piece of evidence.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe normally I would have spent three days thinking about this.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: I chose in ten minutes.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Breadcrumb.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Normally I would have assumed that meant I was failing.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: This time I realized I actually don't know what it means yet.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Do you see the difference?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel it?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Or another breadcrumb.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: I tried something without knowing whether it would work.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: I led something to be easier.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And those little experiences begin adding up.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how we build the evidence.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: And what we intentionally attuned to and notice, we become the greatest observers of observing that what we intentionally choose to notice.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because attention matters, repetition matters, practice matters.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're giving yourself more experiences of assessing more of yourself, and that's who you become, what you practice the most.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine becoming a perceiver of possibilities and living from potential.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's huge for an ambitious woman who has great, amazing visions.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why I want you to imagine yourself eight weeks from now.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not as a woman who never overthinks, not as a woman who never works hard, not as a woman who never feels pressure.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what we are creating.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine instead that you notice pressure.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And pressure is not the only option available anymore.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: You notice control and curiosity is also available.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: You notice perfectionism and experimentation is available.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know what happens next.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of immediately trying to predict it, you can stay open long enough to discover something you could not have planned.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: You hit an obstacle, and instead of deciding something has gone wrong, adaptability becomes available.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: You want something bigger.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of immediately asking, oh God, how much more is this going to require from me?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: You begin asking, what more of me gets to become available for this?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's ambition reimagined.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like having goosebumps as I'm talking about it, I'm so, so passionate.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's the expansion, not through pressure, expansion through more access, more range, more possibility, more of you.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you are an ambitious woman with a vision, and part of you is excited about it, but another part of you is already calculating how hard you're going to have to work to make it happen.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: I created Expanded For You.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Eight weeks inside the expansion studio, possibility drops, possibility experiences, real life experiments, studio closures, creative breadcrumbs, new variables practiced in motion.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about becoming somebody new.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's certainly not about fixing yourself so you're finally good enough for the life you want.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's about expanding what you already have access to.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because maybe your next level does not require you to work harder.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it does not require you to prove more.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it does not require you to perfect yourself.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe expansion does not require more from you.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it requires access to more of you.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what we are going to practice.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: Not someday, not when you figure everything out in your actual life in motion.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Come into the studio, bring your ambition, bring your vision, bring the think you are creating, bring the uncertainty.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, bring the old operating system too.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: We don't need to fight her.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: We're simply going to show her what else is available.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: Be ambitious.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to expanded.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let's expand what's possible and have lots of fun on the way.