Latest / Very Fine Friends / Everybody Loves Norm Michael Donald Raymond

Transcript

Everybody Loves Norm Michael Donald Raymond · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  this is crazy i actually got accused of shoplifting this week
• 0:18
  yeah and i don't steal baby don't steal i steal looks i might steal a glance
• 0:26
  might steal the show
• 0:28
  I was out with my friend
• 0:33
  and we went to eat
• 0:35
  we're like Chili's buddies
• 0:37
  we like love going to Chili's
• 0:39
  so we went to Chili's and then I was like
• 0:41
  we should go to Barnes and Noble after
• 0:43
  because we love walking around Barnes and Noble
• 0:45
  so we went to Barnes and Noble we each got
• 0:47
  like stuff so we each had a little Barnes and Noble bag
• 0:49
  and then she was like oh I've never been inside an Aldi
• 0:51
  and I'm like you haven't?
• 0:53
  she's like no
• 0:54
  Like, we should go in so you could see it.
• 0:56
  She's like, okay.
• 0:57
  It was right next door.
• 0:58
  So we went into Aldi, walked around.
• 1:00
  Spoiler alert, sucks.
• 1:04
  I've never been in an Aldi either.
• 1:05
  I mean, no, no.
• 1:06
  People are like really 11 for some reason.
• 1:08
  I don't get it.
• 1:09
  Okay.
• 1:10
  I trust you.
• 1:11
  My cup was full before I needed it.
• 1:13
  I walked in there.
• 1:14
  I don't know.
• 1:15
  Anyway, so we walked in.
• 1:15
  She was exploring it.
• 1:16
  Maybe I'm biased because of what happened.
• 1:18
  But so we walk in the store.
• 1:23
  We explore things.
• 1:24
  I see nothing of value.
• 1:26
  I did pick up a couple bags of mini cucumbers
• 1:30
  because I went through my mini cucumber phase.
• 1:32
  And then they didn't have anything else I needed.
• 1:34
  So I'm like, well, I have to go to another store.
• 1:35
  I'm not buying these, so I put them down.
• 1:37
  So we're going around looking at stuff.
• 1:39
  We end up not buying anything.
• 1:40
  We go to leave.
• 1:43
  The stock person, not even a manager, not even a cashier,
• 1:46
  someone who was stocking, yelled out to us
• 1:49
  as we made it into the vestibule beyond the automatic doors.
• 1:52
  So we both were like, we turn around, see him.
• 1:55
  And like, we know he's talking to us.
• 1:56
  He rushes over to us, wants to see in our bags.
• 1:59
  My friend goes to show him inside her bag.
• 2:01
  And he goes, no, him.
• 2:04
  Like, comes to me.
• 2:05
  And I'm like, what?
• 2:07
  And so I'm like, I open my bag and I look in it.
• 2:11
  Because I'm like, what is going to be in here?
• 2:12
  This is a surprise to me, too.
• 2:14
  This is crazy.
• 2:15
  This is like enemy of the state where they drop the bag.
• 2:18
  Yeah.
• 2:18
  I'm like, what?
• 2:19
  So all I see is the stuff I got at Barnes & Noble.
• 2:21
  So I just like, like a kid with like a Halloween pillowcase full of candy.
• 2:25
  I just like put it in front of him like this.
• 2:28
  And he looked down in it, saw that he'd made a grave error and walked away and said nothing.
• 2:34
  No apology.
• 2:35
  No eye contact.
• 2:36
  Oh, he said one thing before he left.
• 2:38
  Once he didn't see anything was in my bag.
• 2:39
  He looked at my friend and goes, he did something in front of me.
• 2:43
  And then he left.
• 2:44
  I know.
• 2:45
  So I looked at my friend and she looked at me and we left.
• 2:48
  We just like walked outside.
• 2:50
  and to my credit
• 2:51
  I'm very proud that my friend said this
• 2:54
  she looked at me
• 2:55
  she goes
• 2:56
  how are you so calm right now
• 2:59
  and I'm like
• 3:01
  I don't know what's going on
• 3:04
  she's like I'm amazed
• 3:06
  you've come so far
• 3:07
  this is very uncharacteristic
• 3:11
  well it was like ridiculous
• 3:12
  it took a minute where I'm like
• 3:14
  and then the longer time went by
• 3:16
  I'm like I'm not letting this go
• 3:18
  so I sent a thing in
• 3:19
  but like that's never happened to me before.
• 3:23
  That's so weird.
• 3:24
  Especially like you don't look like someone that would steal.
• 3:28
  You're always dressed very nicely.
• 3:31
  Thank you.
• 3:32
  You look like a fine upstanding gentleman.
• 3:35
  If I was a thief,
• 3:36
  I would try to look like a fine upstanding gentleman.
• 3:38
  That's because you're smart.
• 3:39
  Yeah.
• 3:39
  Yeah.
• 3:39
  If you were a thief,
• 3:40
  you would be like a money launderer.
• 3:41
  You would be embezzling large amounts from like evil corporations.
• 3:44
  You wouldn't be like stealing mini cucumbers from an Aldi.
• 3:47
  That's so beneath you.
• 3:48
  Yeah.
• 3:48
  Thank you. That means a lot, you guys.
• 3:51
  You've come so far.
• 3:52
  I wonder what he thought he saw.
• 3:55
  Well, he's in for a surprise tonight.
• 3:58
  Yeah, was it the fact that you picked something up and then put it down?
• 4:02
  That's the only thing I could think.
• 4:03
  But he said he did something in front of me.
• 4:04
  I'm like, what does that mean?
• 4:07
  Did you walk by and like, I stole something.
• 4:09
  I walked by and just went, yeah, I'm leaving.
• 4:16
  I'm leaving with more than I can.
• 4:17
  Well, there's also like, I mean, Aldi is a fairly big chain, right?
• 4:23
  Yeah, it's huge.
• 4:25
  I think it's owned by Trader Joe's or vice versa or something.
• 4:28
  Yeah, I've heard it described as like knockoff Trader Joe's,
• 4:32
  like not very good Trader Joe's.
• 4:33
  I love that for them.
• 4:36
  When I worked retail, we had a strict policy
• 4:42
  about you're not allowed to ever accuse somebody of shoplifting.
• 4:47
  because if you're wrong, they get very mad and it's not worth the like $4 pair of jeans at old
• 4:56
  Navy. Right. Like, so like we used to just have to like what they'd call like aggressive customer
• 5:02
  service. Like, so we'd say over like our little mics, like, Oh, someone needs, like, I forgot what
• 5:07
  the code was. There was code for it. It's like, Oh, we need, we need extra customer service in,
• 5:12
  in aisle four or whatever. And then it's like, and then you just go follow somebody around until
• 5:16
  they left, but you would, and you'd just be like super nice and helpful. But there was
• 5:21
  another, there was one time when somebody ran into the store, there was a car park,
• 5:25
  like a car pulls up right in front of the old Navy. A guy runs in, he grabs a stack of jeans
• 5:31
  off the wall and runs out and hops into the car. And then they drive off. And I was at
• 5:36
  the register and I was like, in my head, I'm like, you could have walked in slowly. You
• 5:40
  could have parked quite frankly, like we can't do anything about this. Like we would
• 5:46
  have validated it for you.
• 5:49
  You want the hangers?
• 5:50
  That's like, that's not, yeah.
• 5:52
  Do you want me to fold them for you?
• 5:55
  Yeah.
• 5:56
  So like, it's shocking to me that an employee, like, there's no way he was allowed to do
• 6:01
  that.
• 6:01
  There's no way the employees can like stop people from leaving and be like, shoplifter.
• 6:06
  Yeah.
• 6:06
  He was just really trying to be a hero that day.
• 6:08
  Yeah.
• 6:08
  And for what?
• 6:10
  For like.
• 6:10
  Yeah.
• 6:12
  First, he had.
• 6:12
  To save Aldi.
• 6:13
  Corporate spanking in his future.
• 6:15
  Yeah.
• 6:15
  I think the most expensive thing in that store has got to be under $20,
• 6:20
  $50 to $30.
• 6:21
  I don't even know.
• 6:23
  Yeah.
• 6:23
  And it's like,
• 6:23
  yeah.
• 6:25
  Unless you're stuffing your pants with meat or something,
• 6:28
  which is actually,
• 6:32
  that sounds like there's no room to be fair.
• 6:35
  He came in like that.
• 6:36
  Yeah.
• 6:37
  This is my meat.
• 6:39
  I brought this meat from home.
• 6:41
  Yeah.
• 6:41
  Yeah.
• 6:42
  Yeah.
• 6:43
  I just,
• 6:44
  that it was a shocker.
• 6:46
  Yeah.
• 6:47
  Oh,
• 6:48
  do you want to know the favorite line for my email list?
• 6:50
  Yeah.
• 6:50
  Oh yeah.
• 6:51
  Yeah.
• 6:51
  I want to hear the email.
• 6:52
  Can it's,
• 6:53
  it was a form.
• 6:54
  So it's gone.
• 6:54
  And then when they replied,
• 6:55
  it doesn't have the thing.
• 6:56
  Okay.
• 6:57
  But it was like a very,
• 6:58
  I think very factual.
• 6:59
  It was like,
• 7:00
  you know,
• 7:00
  I didn't have,
• 7:01
  there was no emotion whatsoever until get the employee's name.
• 7:05
  No.
• 7:06
  Okay.
• 7:06
  I had a description though.
• 7:07
  And there's like three people working there,
• 7:08
  but I gave the time,
• 7:09
  pull up the video.
• 7:10
  I've already been humiliated in your store
• 7:12
  I don't need to be Detective Francis
• 7:14
  yeah anyway sorry I keep going
• 7:16
  so it was a nice professional
• 7:18
  information only message until the
• 7:20
  following line quote
• 7:22
  to put it lightly I'm fucking pissed
• 7:24
  which I was you can't call
• 7:32
  someone a thief
• 7:33
  you know what the thing is though
• 7:36
  if you if you just been like I'm really
• 7:38
  sorry I don't know what I was thinking
• 7:39
  I wouldn't have cared.
• 7:42
  I mean, I would have cared, but I wouldn't have taken it anywhere.
• 7:44
  Yeah, exactly.
• 7:45
  But to walk away without an apology, oh, man.
• 7:52
  Really quick, when you said you had a code,
• 7:54
  like we need some extra customer service,
• 7:56
  I thought you were going to say something funnier,
• 7:58
  like if the store had a code,
• 8:00
  like someone was raised badly over in aisle two.
• 8:04
  Yeah.
• 8:06
  Because if I was stealing and I heard that,
• 8:08
  I'd be like, oh, I'm going to make my mom into this.
• 8:12
  Put him back.
• 8:15
  Welcome to Very Fine Friends, a podcast where thieves talk about stuff.
• 8:22
  Stuff that they stole.
• 8:24
  Yeah.
• 8:26
  Anyway, you like all this cool Aldi stuff?
• 8:29
  Francis is wearing an Aldi polo today.
• 8:33
  And holding cucumbers of unknown origin.
• 8:36
  They're so small.
• 8:37
  They're mini.
• 8:39
  What's the benefit of a mini cucumber over a big cucumber?
• 8:42
  The mini cucumbers have thinner skins,
• 8:45
  and so they're less waxy.
• 8:47
  And I mean, they're very similar taste-wise,
• 8:49
  but I think the nutritional profile could be slightly different.
• 8:52
  That I'm not 100% sure about.
• 8:55
  Quick interruption.
• 8:57
  Every week on the podcast,
• 8:59
  we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
• 9:06
  Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
• 9:15
  If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
• 9:20
  And right before we die, we add up all the points.
• 9:25
  And then we get a prize, whoever has the most points, for guessing the most secret words.
• 9:30
  Here's Joe with today's secret words.
• 9:34
  Jenna's secret word is theatrics.
• 9:36
  Jenna's decoy word is shrinkage
• 9:39
  Francis's secret word is maturity
• 9:42
  Francis's decoy word is laughable
• 9:45
  Back to the pod
• 9:47
  Oh, did you say you also had a Target story or is that something?
• 9:52
  No, I did have a Target story
• 9:53
  Oh, I just got mad
• 9:55
  Oh, good
• 9:56
  No, it's not like that, but I just, I'll tell you
• 9:58
  So I was walking on Target
• 9:59
  I usually don't shop there, but it was one by my house and I needed cucumbers
• 10:04
  Did you really?
• 10:06
  whoa i eat like eight a day wow yeah it's a really low-cal treat yeah that's good yeah um
• 10:17
  so what was i saying i was walking around and i and i went to the uh underwear aisle
• 10:24
  i was looking for belts belts and cucumbers big dude yeah anyway um i didn't like the belts
• 10:32
  so as I was leaving I saw underwear
• 10:35
  and so I was like oh I should probably buy some underwear
• 10:37
  so there was like a clearance section
• 10:40
  and it was like
• 10:41
  it was trunks which I like trunks
• 10:43
  and I'm like perfect
• 10:44
  in my head
• 10:46
  and
• 10:47
  yes
• 10:49
  yes
• 10:53
  yes
• 10:55
  no Aldi
• 10:56
  so there were three packs
• 10:58
  so I'm like great
• 10:59
  so I picked all the ones they had on clearance
• 11:01
  So I'm like, great, great, great, great, great.
• 11:03
  So it's like $11 instead of $25, whatever.
• 11:07
  But I notice that some of the packages people have stolen.
• 11:11
  What is with the thievery?
• 11:13
  People have stolen one of the pairs of underwears.
• 11:15
  So there's only two instead of three.
• 11:17
  I was like, hmm, I still want these.
• 11:20
  So I went up to customer service and I was like,
• 11:23
  hey, these are missing underwear.
• 11:25
  Can I have a discount on the discount?
• 11:27
  And then after much back and forth, he gave it to me.
• 11:31
  here's where things get crazy.
• 11:34
  Here's why I said,
• 11:35
  I've been looking for a poppy Shirley Temple
• 11:38
  for weeks and weeks and weeks
• 11:41
  because they're like never in stock anywhere
• 11:43
  and I really wanted to try one.
• 11:44
  Okay, that's the soda.
• 11:45
  Yeah.
• 11:46
  Yeah, okay.
• 11:47
  I've tried Bloom and I've tried the other one.
• 11:49
  Can't remember what it's called now.
• 11:50
  Bloom Pop.
• 11:50
  Bloom Pop and Holly Pop.
• 11:52
  Yeah.
• 11:53
  Does Holly Pop have one?
• 11:54
  I could be making that up.
• 11:54
  I tried Bloom.
• 11:55
  Bloom's good.
• 11:56
  Super Bloom.
• 11:56
  What'd I call it?
• 11:57
  Bloom Pop.
• 11:58
  Anyway, so I found it.
• 12:01
  It was all, it was one alone.
• 12:03
  And I was like, and I got it.
• 12:06
  And I was like, and it was in the refrigerator section.
• 12:07
  So I'm like, I can drink this in the car.
• 12:10
  This was not in my head.
• 12:11
  No.
• 12:11
  Anyway, so I was so excited and I bought it and then I got home and I couldn't find it anywhere.
• 12:17
  I was like pissed.
• 12:19
  Oh no.
• 12:20
  Fucking pissed to put it lightly.
• 12:24
  Uh, like they didn't put it in your bag or something.
• 12:27
  I don't know what happened.
• 12:28
  I feel like, I don't know what happened.
• 12:30
  Checkout was just so chaotic.
• 12:32
  You know, and I was helping her put things in my cart
• 12:34
  and I should have had eyes on my baby.
• 12:36
  I'm sorry.
• 12:37
  My baby got taken.
• 12:39
  Oh no, I'm sorry.
• 12:41
  So half one of the discounts I got on my underwear,
• 12:43
  I blew on my soda.
• 12:45
  Then I couldn't find my receipt to verify if I paid for it.
• 12:49
  Man.
• 12:50
  Yeah, so retail hell this week.
• 12:55
  Oh, is that this week?
• 12:56
  This Target story?
• 12:58
  Yeah.
• 12:58
  I feel like you're the kind of, this could have happened years ago and you still would
• 13:02
  have hung on to this.
• 13:04
  No, this was very, very, very recent.
• 13:06
  Okay.
• 13:06
  Well, that's a timeless story.
• 13:08
  So, um, I don't know.
• 13:13
  Multiple cucumber shops.
• 13:15
  I just, yeah.
• 13:16
  They're not cucumber shops.
• 13:18
  No, no, no, no.
• 13:19
  Cucumber shops.
• 13:20
  Like you go in, like you are shopping.
• 13:23
  That's a shop.
• 13:23
  Oh, I see.
• 13:24
  I see.
• 13:24
  I see.
• 13:25
  Thank you.
• 13:25
  Yeah.
• 13:25
  Sorry about that.
• 13:26
  No, that's okay.
• 13:27
  It's a logical misunderstanding.
• 13:34
  Thank you.
• 13:35
  Speaking of logical misunderstandings,
• 13:38
  it's time for the invention of the week.
• 13:43
  Inventions.
• 13:49
  That it So this is a little wacky oh good um what writing something down oh no i don like it when you write things down that okay i want
• 14:03
  to remember later okay i guess your word uh here's my invention my invention is
• 14:09
  you know how people like to do pranks i do know that do you know how people uh like to take it a
• 14:17
  little far sometimes i do know that you know how that's funny i do know that okay you're gonna love
• 14:22
  this i thought it would be really funny to come up with a and we already have a proprietary polymer
• 14:31
  that um goes on your face and it smooths down to be to look just like your face so it's like
• 14:39
  it's not like this odd thing that is like wrinkly or whatever like you put it on they use like a
• 14:45
  like a,
• 14:45
  you know,
• 14:45
  a shrink rack,
• 14:46
  you use a blow dryer and it like,
• 14:47
  yeah,
• 14:48
  it was your face.
• 14:48
  So like,
• 14:48
  it's like new face on face.
• 14:50
  Okay.
• 14:51
  I thought that for a name,
• 14:51
  face on face,
• 14:52
  um,
• 14:53
  face on,
• 14:53
  right?
• 14:53
  That don't do anyway.
• 14:55
  Um,
• 14:56
  the fun part is when you're out in public or you're at a party or you just want to be done talking to someone,
• 15:01
  you can just make like,
• 15:03
  Oh God,
• 15:03
  I've got a really bad,
• 15:04
  like it's hold on a second.
• 15:05
  And then like pull your face away,
• 15:06
  but it's not your real face.
• 15:08
  It's our polymer that comes out and stretches out.
• 15:10
  And then you could be like,
• 15:11
  ah,
• 15:12
  oh my God.
• 15:13
  They're like,
• 15:14
  what's happening?
• 15:15
  or you know you whatever you want we have a booklet of phrases oh good
• 15:19
  proprietary phrases
• 15:25
  this is just to get out of conversations that you don't want to be in anymore no there's a
• 15:34
  there's a multitude a variety of reasons you could use it for meetings proposals
• 15:38
  plastic surgery consoles
• 15:40
  plastic surgery
• 15:43
  um
• 15:44
  uh
• 15:46
  I do love like unnecessary
• 15:48
  theatrics for something that's really easy just as
• 15:51
  like bye
• 15:51
  no instead you're gonna make
• 15:55
  it look like you're pulling your own
• 15:57
  skin off of you
• 15:58
  now is this look like you're doing it
• 16:01
  like oh my god this conversation is so
• 16:03
  boring I could tear my skin off yeah you could
• 16:05
  do anything you could do it any way you want
• 16:06
  and it could even be tongue you could even put it on your tongue
• 16:08
  imagine that your tongue just keeps going.
• 16:13
  What do I do?
• 16:15
  That's in the book.
• 16:20
  It doesn't have to just be face.
• 16:21
  It could be anybody part.
• 16:23
  Yeah.
• 16:27
  Oh yeah.
• 16:27
  Huge nips.
• 16:28
  Yeah.
• 16:28
  Laffy taffy nipples.
• 16:32
  Write that down.
• 16:34
  Oh,
• 16:34
  sorry.
• 16:35
  Laffy taffy nipples.
• 16:38
  Why did you say nipples like that?
• 16:40
  Laffy, taffy, nipples.
• 16:44
  It was my writing voice.
• 16:46
  You know how when you're writing words and you pronounce the words when you're writing?
• 16:52
  Yeah.
• 16:52
  Anyway.
• 16:55
  Great.
• 16:55
  I want to hear more of these situations.
• 16:58
  So, okay.
• 16:59
  Should we role play something?
• 17:01
  Okay.
• 17:01
  All right.
• 17:02
  Who do you want to be?
• 17:03
  I'll be the boring one.
• 17:06
  Just like real life.
• 17:08
  Okay.
• 17:08
  All right.
• 17:10
  Where are we?
• 17:12
  You set the scene.
• 17:13
  Okay, we're at a bus stop.
• 17:15
  I don't normally take the bus, but my Lambo is in the shop.
• 17:19
  So it's my first time, but I know what I'm doing.
• 17:25
  This bus is not normally.
• 17:28
  Oof, your breath smells.
• 17:30
  His breath.
• 17:31
  Could you back up, please?
• 17:32
  I'm sorry.
• 17:33
  It's like shit, actually.
• 17:34
  No, no, I can't because I can't raise my voice.
• 17:36
  I got to be real close to people when I talk to them.
• 17:38
  Oh, God.
• 17:40
  Here's a quarter.
• 17:42
  Just go.
• 17:44
  Oh, thank you.
• 17:44
  The quarter will help with my bus fare.
• 17:47
  Did you know, you're not normally on this route.
• 17:49
  I take this bus every day.
• 17:50
  Hold on, I got an inch on my nose.
• 17:52
  Well, I got it for you.
• 17:53
  Here you go.
• 17:53
  Go ahead.
• 17:54
  Take it.
• 17:54
  Can you inch it?
• 17:55
  Oh, what have you done?
• 17:57
  What have you done?
• 17:57
  What are you doing?
• 17:59
  My nose.
• 18:00
  What's happening?
• 18:01
  My perfect, un-even nose.
• 18:02
  What's happening?
• 18:03
  That's all I had left of my mother.
• 18:05
  Oh, no.
• 18:07
  What have I done?
• 18:08
  God will not look upon me
• 18:12
  Oh my god, your breath smells even worse now
• 18:14
  I release toxins into my airways
• 18:18
  When I get stressed
• 18:19
  Or when I feel like God is punishing me for something
• 18:23
  Maybe it's also because you made my nose big
• 18:26
  No, I'm pushing it back
• 18:28
  What an idiot
• 18:31
  My Lambo won't recognize me
• 18:35
  Okay. So I can tell kind of how it works. Okay. All right. Now here's,
• 18:40
  here's one from the little scenario. Here's one role, like that role play.
• 18:44
  Yeah. There's one little problem that I noticed.
• 18:49
  I wanted to stay and help you.
• 18:53
  I didn't want, I didn't go away. Okay. Let's sit back in it.
• 18:57
  I have a plan. All right. Oh my God. What am I doing in the beginning? Oh,
• 19:01
  I was ready to go right back.
• 19:04
  You sure were.
• 19:04
  In media res, baby.
• 19:06
  Okay.
• 19:07
  Different scenario?
• 19:09
  Same one.
• 19:09
  Okay.
• 19:10
  I want to show you how I can fix anything.
• 19:12
  Okay.
• 19:12
  Okay.
• 19:15
  You're not normally on this bus.
• 19:17
  Hi.
• 19:18
  Oh, hi.
• 19:19
  Look what I can do.
• 19:22
  Yes.
• 19:25
  Look at my nose.
• 19:28
  God.
• 19:30
  That's so hot.
• 19:31
  I could do it with yours too
• 19:33
  Oh go ahead
• 19:35
  I've always hated my little button nose
• 19:37
  I've always wanted it bigger
• 19:39
  Come on, stretch me
• 19:41
  Stretch me bus companion
• 19:43
  I'm married
• 19:45
  That's okay, this is not sexual
• 19:48
  I have a Lambo
• 19:50
  I ran away
• 19:53
  So another flaw
• 19:56
  It's kind of hot
• 19:58
  When you pull your nose skin out
• 20:01
  and make it look really long counterpoint i feel like that person would be in the minority
• 20:06
  i certainly want to be involved wouldn't want to be involved in that okay
• 20:10
  i mean i would lose all in if i was like talking to someone and they pulled their face off
• 20:15
  there's no situation where i'm on that bus i'd be like but if there was a regular face underneath it
• 20:22
  no so what we need to do is have a second mask that's red that looks like like blood and muscles
• 20:29
  fascia and muscles and yes bone just in case i'm gonna write that so yeah
• 20:36
  uh so that there's something underneath that looks like right that's a that's actually a great
• 20:45
  idea thank you yeah we should definitely do that okay all right cool because then that would really
• 20:50
  sell it i think yeah i think this would be fun though and then we can also use um maybe use some
• 20:59
  of the squibs from your invention. I forget what we named it. We hardly have any lying around,
• 21:03
  but yeah. The, the one that bleeds down their face to get out of conversation so that women
• 21:09
  don't have to, um, so that women aren't, um, in conversations with men that they don't want.
• 21:18
  Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, what are, I want, uh, what are some, let's, let's go through a sample of the
• 21:28
  phrases that are going to be in the booklet that's provided things that things to say when
• 21:33
  you pull off your face skin okay well we already hit on a few uh hopefully i don't repeat them
• 21:39
  no you can repeat them just so that for the listener i'm to have okay oh my god classic
• 21:47
  what have you done this is your fault what the fuck um here's a good one
• 21:55
  you can make it as long or short as you want.
• 22:00
  Huffing and puffing can be phrased.
• 22:03
  And then at the end,
• 22:04
  the fortune teller said this would happen.
• 22:17
  Oh,
• 22:17
  that's a good one.
• 22:18
  Yeah.
• 22:18
  Put that in there.
• 22:19
  Okay.
• 22:20
  To put it lightly.
• 22:21
  I'm fucking pissed.
• 22:25
  Oh, here's another one.
• 22:29
  I've never shoplifted.
• 22:32
  You know, non sequiturs are good.
• 22:36
  I think I left the sink on at home.
• 22:40
  My baby's in the car.
• 22:41
  I'll be right back.
• 22:43
  That's the lady who shook my baby.
• 22:46
  By any chance, is my face off?
• 22:50
  Speaking of which, how much do you love that movie?
• 22:53
  no that would extend the conversation
• 22:55
  oh I thought you were asking Francis
• 22:58
  as Jenna
• 22:58
  no although I will ask Francis as Jenna
• 23:01
  it's one of those movies I remember
• 23:03
  really liking and then when I saw it again I was like
• 23:05
  this is ridiculous and I still like it
• 23:07
  but like I think at one point I thought it was
• 23:09
  feasible when I first saw it like oh great idea
• 23:12
  great idea
• 23:12
  like this could actually happen
• 23:14
  I
• 23:16
  I want to rewatch it but then every
• 23:19
  time because I haven't seen it since probably
• 23:21
  it came out and
• 23:23
  because I went through a phase of rewatching 90s movies,
• 23:27
  action, 90s action movies.
• 23:29
  But then I went to look at it and it was like two hours and 15 minutes long.
• 23:33
  I was like, no, I can't.
• 23:36
  No, the movie like that should not be more than an hour and 40 minutes.
• 23:39
  And it feels long too, I have to say.
• 23:41
  Yeah.
• 23:41
  And like the older you get, the more you realize how laughable the premise is.
• 23:44
  First of all, assuming you even have the same blood type,
• 23:48
  there's a lot of other considerations.
• 23:51
  so you can't just have a face.
• 23:54
  Yeah, right.
• 23:56
  Yes, just the skin does not a face shape make.
• 23:59
  Otherwise, people would do that all the time.
• 24:02
  They would just buy a new face, yeah.
• 24:04
  Or there'd be like a black market
• 24:05
  where people steal kidneys
• 24:06
  and people go missing and it's like,
• 24:08
  he had a great face.
• 24:09
  Yep.
• 24:11
  Yeah.
• 24:12
  Yeah, laughable.
• 24:13
  But if it is possible, we should do that.
• 24:16
  We should create that black market.
• 24:18
  stay tuned for the invention of the week next week i told a friend when i was in just graduating
• 24:24
  high school i told a friend of mine um that my dad ran like he was involved in like black market
• 24:32
  organ harvesting it's just a joke i was like making a stupid joke and um she was like shocked
• 24:39
  and mortified and she was like i'm gonna tell my father who was a police officer and i'm like
• 24:45
  I was like mad that not that I mean,
• 24:49
  I'm glad like I delivered it well enough that it was like plausible,
• 24:51
  but like,
• 24:53
  I was like,
• 24:53
  you're going to turn me in.
• 24:56
  Yeah.
• 24:56
  Kind of a friend.
• 24:57
  I'm going to lose all of this organ money.
• 25:02
  That's what you want from me.
• 25:03
  I told you it was in another country.
• 25:06
  Yeah.
• 25:06
  What are the local cops going to do?
• 25:08
  Nothing.
• 25:08
  It's maritime law.
• 25:09
  We go out in the middle of the ocean,
• 25:12
  steal some orgies.
• 25:13
  it's short for organs orgies you got it babe were you gonna say bitch no i know i was gonna say babe
• 25:22
  um i i would be mad that i had a friend that's stupid no in the moment it it made sense sorry
• 25:30
  if she's listening no no like i have to i don't want to what i'm gonna say next i don't want to
• 25:35
  sound shitty at the time we were doing really well and so like it was kind of like things like
• 25:41
  like how can you afford like xyz and then i like was very sheepish and you're like that's what my
• 25:45
  dad's it's from so my dad's doing and like i was like a long burn and then it's like i'm not
• 25:52
  surprised like i don't think i don't think it was like a stupid like i'm like you idiot i really
• 25:56
  wanted this to be the case i wanted to be relieved but i was just shocked that like
• 25:59
  you would you would have me lose it yeah and then what you go and because you go into child
• 26:06
  protective services or something?
• 26:09
  Yeah.
• 26:10
  Well, I guess I'd be a legal adult.
• 26:11
  Oh, you were still, okay.
• 26:12
  All because she had the audacity to ask
• 26:15
  how you could afford to live like this.
• 26:17
  Yeah, what a question.
• 26:19
  Jeez.
• 26:21
  Where do you get the balls to ask me a question like that?
• 26:24
  Where do you get the cheese for these crackers?
• 26:27
  That's a, whoa.
• 26:28
  I didn't even think about that part of it.
• 26:30
  Yeah.
• 26:30
  Oh, that's fine.
• 26:31
  I'm an open book, as most rich people are.
• 26:35
  Yeah.
• 26:35
  Read me.
• 26:36
  Okay.
• 26:40
  I think we need names for this.
• 26:43
  We have face on, new face on face,
• 26:48
  laffy taffy nipples.
• 26:51
  What about face your face?
• 26:54
  Face your face?
• 26:55
  Yeah.
• 26:56
  What about face two?
• 26:58
  The face-ening?
• 26:59
  Going through a face.
• 27:04
  I like going through a face.
• 27:05
  Thanks
• 27:06
  Second Skin, is that taken?
• 27:10
  Probably
• 27:11
  I feel like that's like
• 27:12
  An underwear company is probably named Second Skin
• 27:16
  You're right
• 27:17
  Going through
• 27:19
  Or an organ harvester
• 27:20
  What about about face?
• 27:25
  Because it's like to get away from someone too
• 27:26
  The problem with this product is we don't want it to get so popular
• 27:30
  That people know about it
• 27:31
  Because then you can't
• 27:34
  You can't use it
• 27:35
  Properly.
• 27:36
  That's true.
• 27:37
  So we want it.
• 27:38
  It needs to be just popular enough.
• 27:40
  So 75 of the sizzlers that are listening right now forget about this Only 25 of you can remember this
• 27:52
  Because I mean, that's a pretty sizable chunk of the population,
• 27:54
  the people that are listening to this podcast.
• 27:57
  So if we, we can't have all of them going out to get it.
• 28:03
  Okay.
• 28:04
  So this is one of our small niche products.
• 28:06
  Okay.
• 28:07
  If you were born in January, April, or September, you can remember.
• 28:16
  Okay.
• 28:18
  Um, that reminds me, I saw something.
• 28:23
  Oh, I remember what it was.
• 28:24
  I was trying to remember.
• 28:25
  I saw something, uh, online about like, there's a code for like, when you're like, you're
• 28:32
  only supposed to eat this thing in months that have an R.
• 28:36
  Is it oysters?
• 28:37
  It's oysters. I couldn't remember what it was, but then I just remembered. And it's from, uh, in Alice in Wonderland, the cartoon, when the little oyster is in like her, she's tucked into her bed with like, there's like the baby oysters all around. And then the walrus looks, uh, the walrus is like looking hungrily at her. And then she looks over at the calendar and it says March and the R gets bigger and red. That was because of that rule that you're only supposed to. So she looked and was horrified that it was March so she could be eaten.
• 29:07
  It's just pretty dark.
• 29:10
  Yeah.
• 29:11
  Did you just dog walk me into saying your word?
• 29:14
  You'll find out at the end.
• 29:18
  Could be.
• 29:20
  Don't like that.
• 29:22
  Now I'll say it.
• 29:23
  Bitch.
• 29:25
  Just kidding, babe.
• 29:27
  Thanks.
• 29:28
  Just kidding, bitch.
• 29:30
  JKB.
• 29:31
  Still love you, bitch.
• 29:32
  Well, I think this is great.
• 29:34
  the going through a face
• 29:37
  that only
• 29:39
  was it
• 29:41
  January, April, September?
• 29:44
  That sounds like what I said.
• 29:45
  Yeah. If you were born in those months,
• 29:47
  you're allowed to buy it.
• 29:49
  Don't tell people about it.
• 29:50
  No, and we'll know.
• 29:52
  We'll know.
• 29:54
  The faces have microphones
• 29:55
  and chips and we have
• 29:58
  the receptors and we'll know.
• 30:01
  And
• 30:01
  everyone gets an extra sip of water today
• 30:04
  on us as a thank you for not
• 30:06
  saying anything.
• 30:08
  Drink your water, hoes.
• 30:10
  Drink your water, hoes.
• 30:15
  All right, cool.
• 30:16
  Well, going through a face
• 30:17
  is going to be...
• 30:19
  We might not put this one on our website.
• 30:21
  No, no, no.
• 30:22
  Come see us.
• 30:23
  We'll get it to you out of our trunk.
• 30:25
  Yeah.
• 30:25
  Like a drug deal.
• 30:26
  Yeah.
• 30:28
  We'll give it to you in the vestibule of an Aldi.
• 30:30
  Yeah, don't steal it.
• 30:32
  Nope.
• 30:33
  You gotta pay still.
• 30:34
  All right.
• 30:35
  That wraps up the invention of the week.
• 30:38
  It's time for our next segment,
• 30:43
  Mail Order Pride.
• 30:47
  Get ready for the gayest mail you've ever gotten.
• 30:53
  Are you gonna explain this?
• 30:54
  I will explain it as it was texted to me.
• 30:59
  Okay.
• 31:00
  Jenna orders a mail order gay guy?
• 31:07
  A gay person?
• 31:09
  Or are you a straight man and Jenna is your mail order gay person?
• 31:16
  Sure, yeah. I'll be Jenna.
• 31:17
  Oh yeah, just be Jenna.
• 31:22
  Okay.
• 31:23
  We'll just see what happens.
• 31:24
  We don't have an agenda.
• 31:25
  We don't have a gay agenda.
• 31:28
  my agenda is to get great deals on Poshmark and I'm doing it.
• 31:34
  Uh,
• 31:36
  I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.
• 31:38
  You can be you.
• 31:39
  Okay.
• 31:40
  What do you want?
• 31:41
  Tell daddy what you want.
• 31:43
  Um,
• 31:44
  sorry.
• 31:44
  Tell father what you want.
• 31:46
  You,
• 31:47
  you be the,
• 31:50
  you be the gay person.
• 31:51
  Okay.
• 31:52
  I don't know how I'm going to pull this one out.
• 31:54
  Dig down deep,
• 31:56
  dig deep,
• 31:56
  dig deep.
• 31:57
  Okay.
• 31:57
  Don't appropriate our language.
• 31:59
  Is that your language?
• 32:01
  That's a phrase.
• 32:03
  Okay.
• 32:04
  All right.
• 32:07
  Oh, he's here.
• 32:08
  He's here.
• 32:09
  He's here.
• 32:09
  I'll just go ahead and shine here, ma'am.
• 32:11
  I'll just paperwork.
• 32:12
  Oh, oh.
• 32:14
  All right.
• 32:15
  Which is a nice package.
• 32:18
  Bye.
• 32:20
  Oh, okay.
• 32:21
  Hello?
• 32:22
  Yeah.
• 32:23
  Hi.
• 32:23
  Oh, I'm coming.
• 32:24
  I'm coming.
• 32:25
  I'm getting the crowbar.
• 32:26
  I'm getting the crowbar.
• 32:27
  Oh wow
• 32:33
  You're glorious
• 32:34
  I'm here
• 32:35
  Thank you for ordering me
• 32:37
  Oh my pleasure
• 32:39
  I'm so excited
• 32:40
  Oh and thank you for shipping me with wood all around
• 32:42
  Oh cute
• 32:43
  Already with the puns and the innuendo
• 32:45
  Is that okay?
• 32:46
  That's exciting
• 32:47
  This is exactly what I wanted
• 32:48
  Wow
• 32:49
  My life is so boring
• 32:51
  I've always
• 32:52
  I've only ever known straight people
• 32:54
  And TV makes the gays look so fun
• 32:56
  Oh, we are. I'm here to make your life more gay.
• 32:59
  Great. I can't wait.
• 33:00
  So just introduce me to your life and we'll gay it up.
• 33:03
  Okay.
• 33:04
  Biznatch.
• 33:05
  Oh, is that my fun new nickname?
• 33:07
  It's one of a thousand.
• 33:09
  Oh, I can't wait.
• 33:10
  I came with a booklet.
• 33:12
  Oh, you did. Look at that.
• 33:14
  Yeah.
• 33:14
  It's attached to your wrist.
• 33:17
  I love your clothes.
• 33:19
  Oh, you do?
• 33:20
  Mm-hmm.
• 33:21
  Thanks. I'm going to burn them after this.
• 33:24
  No, don't do that
• 33:26
  No, I have to
• 33:27
  Why?
• 33:27
  I have to
• 33:28
  I can never be seen in the same outfit twice
• 33:29
  Ooh
• 33:30
  Is that a gay thing or a you thing?
• 33:32
  Nope, it's me thing
• 33:33
  I'll go to gay hell
• 33:34
  Oh, there's a gay hell?
• 33:36
  Oh, yeah
• 33:37
  Good
• 33:38
  Does that mean there's a gay heaven?
• 33:39
  No
• 33:40
  That sounds fair
• 33:42
  Yeah
• 33:43
  Because of the Bible
• 33:43
  It's alright
• 33:44
  Hey, you gotta have a good time now
• 33:46
  Live today
• 33:46
  Die tomorrow
• 33:48
  Bonnie sings
• 33:50
  Oh, I can do it all
• 33:51
  I sing
• 33:52
  I act
• 33:52
  I can contort myself
• 33:54
  Really?
• 33:56
  Yes, for small cars
• 33:58
  For small cars?
• 34:01
  I can get in the back seat of a very small car
• 34:04
  Do small cars often ask you to do that?
• 34:08
  Oh, okay
• 34:08
  No, but large men do
• 34:10
  This is great
• 34:12
  Are you married?
• 34:14
  I have a one-seater car
• 34:15
  Oh, perfect, perfect
• 34:17
  So you can contort right into the back of it
• 34:21
  Gay approved
• 34:22
  That's one of my signature catchphrases
• 34:24
  Oh
• 34:26
  I, wait, I'm so sorry
• 34:28
  Do you come with a name or do I get to name you?
• 34:31
  You get to pick a name, but if it's not gay enough
• 34:33
  I do have veto power
• 34:34
  And I snap if I don't like it
• 34:36
  Okay
• 34:36
  You look like
• 34:40
  A Sebastian
• 34:42
  To me
• 34:43
  Ooh, mommy
• 34:46
  I like Sebastian
• 34:48
  This is so exciting
• 34:50
  Yeah, and I have red hair just like Sebastian
• 34:52
  The crab, yeah
• 34:54
  He was red, he didn't have red hair
• 34:56
  Gay fact
• 34:58
  I come with those too
• 35:01
  I'm learning so much
• 35:02
  Tell me about your life
• 35:03
  Well, I work at a mortuary
• 35:08
  Yawn, girl, we gotta get out of there
• 35:10
  Oh, no
• 35:10
  People are dead there
• 35:12
  You wanted me to show you
• 35:14
  I was gonna take you there
• 35:15
  We'll see how gay we can make it
• 35:17
  Okay, should I walk behind your car
• 35:20
  or? No, contort yourself in the back.
• 35:22
  Okay, here I am.
• 35:26
  Oh no. I'm ready.
• 35:28
  Okay, here we go.
• 35:31
  Oh, look,
• 35:32
  we're here. It was real close.
• 35:35
  Oh, you unfold.
• 35:36
  Yeah, and look, cartwheel onto the
• 35:38
  lawn of the mortuary. God, you make
• 35:40
  everything so fun.
• 35:42
  I gotta put a sign down in the yard.
• 35:45
  Now it says gay mortuary.
• 35:47
  Oh.
• 35:47
  I wonder if that'll drive extra business
• 35:50
  Anyway, come on in
• 35:52
  Oh, smells straight
• 35:54
  What are we going to do?
• 35:58
  There's a wake going on
• 36:00
  Oh, we had to be real quiet
• 36:02
  For the wake
• 36:03
  Of course, I'll respect them
• 36:06
  Celebrate their life
• 36:09
  Come on
• 36:10
  Oh, wait, they're turning and looking at you
• 36:14
  I know, I know it's the effect
• 36:15
  Everyone, I have business cards
• 36:16
  Ignore the name Paul
• 36:18
  That was my birth name
• 36:19
  I'm now Sebastian
• 36:20
  Yes
• 36:21
  Yes
• 36:22
  I do weddings
• 36:23
  I do funerals
• 36:24
  I do groomsmen
• 36:26
  They're not laughing
• 36:31
  That's okay
• 36:32
  They're not charmed by you
• 36:32
  They lost a loved one
• 36:34
  Oh no
• 36:35
  What's happening?
• 36:37
  Oh that grandmother
• 36:39
  She's giving me the evil eye
• 36:41
  I think she's mad
• 36:44
  Not on my watch
• 36:45
  I thought you were going to say biatch
• 36:47
  No, I'm going over to her
• 36:49
  Listen up, granny bitch
• 36:52
  I don't care what you got going on
• 36:54
  Don't stink eye my babe
• 36:55
  Oh, he's so
• 36:57
  Oh my god, I feel so empowered
• 36:59
  I knocked your fucking teeth out
• 37:01
  Oh, all in one piece
• 37:03
  Satiated dentures
• 37:04
  Yeah, now they're in my cross bag
• 37:06
  Oh
• 37:07
  My teeny tiny cross bag
• 37:08
  You can barely fit anything in there
• 37:11
  Yeah, it's not the only teeth I have in there, by the way
• 37:13
  What?
• 37:14
  I slap a lot of women.
• 37:16
  You can when you're gay.
• 37:18
  Oh, you know, there's one thing I've never really been good at.
• 37:22
  Getting the bodies ready.
• 37:25
  Could you help with that?
• 37:26
  Oh my God, I'd love it.
• 37:28
  Take me to the bodies.
• 37:29
  Come downstairs.
• 37:30
  Okay.
• 37:32
  Ooh, it's damp down here.
• 37:33
  It's just like in My Girl.
• 37:36
  Yes, just like in My Girl.
• 37:38
  But I'm not afraid.
• 37:40
  Don't die.
• 37:44
  Okay.
• 37:46
  I laugh at death.
• 37:49
  You have to.
• 37:50
  You must.
• 37:50
  Take me to the one that needs my help the most.
• 37:53
  Most tragic hetero in the building.
• 37:55
  Here, I'm going to pull open the drawer.
• 37:57
  Here's his naked body.
• 38:00
  I know.
• 38:02
  What do I do?
• 38:03
  How do I make him look handsome in his death?
• 38:07
  I can do this.
• 38:09
  Oh?
• 38:10
  Well, let's mark it up.
• 38:11
  He needs lipo.
• 38:13
  Oh, good.
• 38:14
  Yeah.
• 38:14
  We need him to be fit.
• 38:15
  I already pulled out most of his internal organs.
• 38:18
  So his weight doesn't matter.
• 38:19
  We just need him to look good.
• 38:20
  Yeah.
• 38:20
  Wait, no.
• 38:21
  We're not talking about even health.
• 38:23
  Yeah.
• 38:23
  Oh, no, no.
• 38:24
  What does he need health for?
• 38:25
  Right.
• 38:26
  So that's my first thing.
• 38:27
  We're going to suck his fat out.
• 38:28
  Okay.
• 38:31
  We're going to have to cover the face.
• 38:32
  He's ugly.
• 38:33
  There, I said it.
• 38:34
  No.
• 38:35
  I know.
• 38:36
  This is my problem.
• 38:37
  I can't.
• 38:38
  They come to me.
• 38:39
  Ugly.
• 38:41
  So, okay.
• 38:41
  Covering his face.
• 38:42
  What are we covering it with?
• 38:44
  Have you heard of...
• 38:49
  Face on?
• 38:53
  Oh.
• 38:54
  Oh, is that like a knockoff going through a face?
• 38:59
  Yeah, it's the entry line.
• 39:01
  Oh, okay.
• 39:02
  I'm not spending real money on him.
• 39:03
  Oh, well, he's dead.
• 39:04
  Ugly.
• 39:05
  He only needs it for this one party.
• 39:07
  Yeah.
• 39:08
  Can I be honest?
• 39:09
  Yeah.
• 39:09
  I'm bored here.
• 39:10
  No, don't get bored.
• 39:11
  I'm bored here.
• 39:12
  I don't want you to leave.
• 39:13
  No, I'm bored.
• 39:14
  Okay, fine, fine.
• 39:14
  I'll quit this job.
• 39:15
  I'll quit this job.
• 39:16
  Yeah, I'm going to go to a party.
• 39:17
  Okay, yeah, we'll go.
• 39:19
  The wake was kind of a party too that you ruined, but that's okay.
• 39:22
  Let's go.
• 39:23
  I'm going to go to San Francisco.
• 39:25
  Okay.
• 39:26
  And that's not a stereotype.
• 39:27
  You just like it?
• 39:28
  Yeah, it's great.
• 39:29
  It's good for walking.
• 39:30
  Yeah, it is really good.
• 39:31
  Yeah, buy me a plane ticket.
• 39:33
  Okay, I'm going with you though.
• 39:34
  Okay.
• 39:35
  All right.
• 39:36
  That's a nice plane.
• 39:38
  Thank you.
• 39:39
  Delta.
• 39:40
  Yeah, it's weird that you didn't buy me a first class ticket
• 39:44
  I mean, why did you even get me?
• 39:47
  I couldn't get both of us tickets
• 39:51
  I could only afford to coach
• 39:54
  I blew the pilot
• 39:55
  What? You blew the pilot?
• 39:58
  Yeah
• 39:59
  Oh, well then why didn't he upgrade us?
• 40:03
  He was busy
• 40:03
  Remember when he came out and they blocked the thing?
• 40:08
  Yeah
• 40:08
  And I was walking up at the same time?
• 40:10
  Yeah, and the flight attendants stood there like they pulled the cart in front.
• 40:14
  Yeah.
• 40:14
  And then they stood there, the arms crossed like they were going to stop a hijacker or something.
• 40:19
  Yeah, but they know the walk, the walk of a blower.
• 40:22
  And they just moved the cart.
• 40:23
  They were like, pilot!
• 40:26
  And, wow, that's really exciting.
• 40:30
  I like that that can just happen at any time.
• 40:32
  Oh, yeah.
• 40:34
  Oh, yeah.
• 40:36
  So what are we going to do when we get to San Francisco?
• 40:40
  I'm sorry about the seats.
• 40:41
  That was your idea.
• 40:42
  I'm sorry about the seats.
• 40:43
  You wanted to go to San Francisco.
• 40:44
  No, that was your idea.
• 40:45
  No.
• 40:45
  No, no, no.
• 40:47
  No, you said San Francisco and then it's not a stare.
• 40:50
  Are we in a bitch fight?
• 40:51
  Oh my God.
• 40:52
  Is this our first bitch fight?
• 40:53
  Oh my God, you bitch.
• 40:55
  Okay, you're being a bitch.
• 40:57
  You're trying to gaslight me.
• 40:59
  Gaslight?
• 41:00
  Sebastian.
• 41:01
  Therapy terms.
• 41:02
  Therapy terms.
• 41:04
  Yeah.
• 41:04
  Well, you are.
• 41:06
  That's it.
• 41:07
  I'm not going to.
• 41:08
  When we go on the Alcatraz tour, I'm walking three steps ahead of you.
• 41:14
  Can I admit something to you?
• 41:16
  Yeah.
• 41:17
  You promise you won't be mad?
• 41:19
  No.
• 41:20
  You promise you'll try to not be mad?
• 41:21
  I promise you'll try.
• 41:23
  There's a reason I put you on a plane.
• 41:25
  What?
• 41:27
  For a surprise party?
• 41:29
  No, I have to tell you something.
• 41:30
  Okay.
• 41:32
  I'm, um...
• 41:33
  I'm bisexual.
• 41:36
  No Yeah I I like both No no no I ordered strictly a gay man Yeah there was an asterisk at the bottom
• 41:45
  and it said if we don't have that,
• 41:47
  we might substitute your order.
• 41:48
  No, what happened to your voice, Sebastian?
• 41:50
  It says also second asterisk
• 41:52
  that I get straighter as we go.
• 41:54
  No, you're not even a Sebastian anymore.
• 41:56
  You're more like a Norm.
• 41:58
  Yeah, that's Norm.
• 42:00
  Norm Michael.
• 42:03
  Norm Michael Donald.
• 42:04
  norm michael donald norm michael donald raymond god your name just keeps getting straighter and
• 42:12
  straighter oh but we were gonna have so much fun i wanted to take you dancing i still could look at
• 42:18
  you wow uh i noticed that your house you only had one bed i'm cool with that i don't want to
• 42:27
  wait did you even really blow the pilot yeah i don't know why i did that oh oh you did actually
• 42:35
  okay good well there's that's something yeah even as i was doing it i was like
• 42:38
  norm michael donald raymond why but all the pilot was
• 42:49
  anyway i see i've upset you oh wait i'll try to be gay oh my god i could tell your
• 42:59
  your your penis is already getting smaller too i'm trying you're not even you're you're not even
• 43:05
  as hung as i thought you were okay severe drinkage it's happens it's normal it's great
• 43:10
  it doesn't oh god i'm really trying i'm sorry oh so i tried to order a gay best friend and now i
• 43:17
  just have a normal boring man roommate no it's a choice i'll choose to be gay i'm gay oh oh good
• 43:27
  yeah i'm gay i'm gay oh oh your voice is back wow wait what's the bastion i can see you oh my god
• 43:35
  what just happened that was crazy oh i'm so glad you're back yeah have a fun idea yeah let's take
• 43:40
  our tops off okay okay now that you're gay it's totally gay and we're still on a public plane but
• 43:46
  That doesn't matter.
• 43:47
  No, everyone's asleep.
• 43:48
  Oh, good.
• 43:48
  Yeah, we took the red eye.
• 43:50
  Yeah, they're gone.
• 43:50
  They're sleeping.
• 43:51
  Yay.
• 43:52
  Our boobies.
• 43:53
  Look at us.
• 43:54
  We're gay.
• 43:55
  Gay, gay, gay, gay.
• 43:56
  No.
• 43:58
  No.
• 43:59
  Oh, my God.
• 44:01
  Norm.
• 44:01
  Huh?
• 44:02
  Norm Michael Donald Raymond.
• 44:03
  You came back.
• 44:05
  What happened?
• 44:06
  I missed it.
• 44:08
  Why are your boobs out?
• 44:09
  What are you doing, girl?
• 44:11
  You, you.
• 44:12
  No, Sebastian, you're the one that asked me to pull my boobs out, right?
• 44:15
  You can't do that.
• 44:15
  There's people all around us.
• 44:17
  What's going on?
• 44:17
  You think just because I'm gay I'm inappropriate?
• 44:19
  Put those puppies away.
• 44:21
  Oh, I'm so sorry.
• 44:22
  I'm so sorry.
• 44:22
  We're kindling the girls now, everyone.
• 44:24
  We apologize.
• 44:26
  Jenna, I cannot be the best friend to someone who's a wacko.
• 44:31
  You're just doing what you told.
• 44:32
  You told me.
• 44:33
  That's not true.
• 44:34
  You don't remember saying that?
• 44:36
  What?
• 44:36
  No.
• 44:37
  Wait, do you even remember Norm Michael Donald Raymond?
• 44:42
  Did you just say a string of words that sounded like cat taco goat pizza?
• 44:51
  No.
• 44:53
  You didn't?
• 44:53
  No.
• 44:54
  Oh, it's a pentameter kind of.
• 44:57
  No, no.
• 45:01
  I know I said Norm, Michael, Donald, Raymond.
• 45:05
  Oh.
• 45:06
  Hey, I have an idea.
• 45:07
  Yeah?
• 45:08
  We should do these drugs.
• 45:09
  I snuck them on the plane.
• 45:10
  All kinds
• 45:12
  Oh good
• 45:13
  Oh finally
• 45:13
  Yes let's do some drugs
• 45:15
  What's a popper
• 45:16
  Can we do poppers
• 45:17
  You can't eat it
• 45:18
  You can smell it
• 45:19
  Okay
• 45:20
  Cover one nostril
• 45:21
  Straight out
• 45:21
  It's time
• 45:22
  Big one yeah
• 45:23
  Oh
• 45:24
  Yeah
• 45:25
  I feel like I can do anything
• 45:27
  I feel like I can do anything
• 45:29
  No
• 45:29
  With you
• 45:30
  Norm
• 45:30
  Norm no
• 45:32
  I noticed the back door's unlocked
• 45:34
  Can I come in
• 45:34
  No
• 45:35
  uh
• 45:43
  i
• 45:44
  i feel like uh now i know what to expect if i ever order a gay man in the mail you never know
• 45:51
  what you're gonna get or what he's gonna get he said what you're gonna get what you're gonna get
• 45:57
  mama um yeah well i told you i had to really wing it because i don't know i know well you did a
• 46:04
  really good job. Thanks. I mean, I'm like pretty like atypical. So if I just acted like myself,
• 46:09
  it would have been really boring. That's not true. Thanks for saying that. That's because
• 46:13
  of your personality, not because of any other thing about you. Well, that wraps up mail order pride.
• 46:24
  yes
• 46:28
  all right from the
• 46:32
  minds that cooked up car umbrella
• 46:34
  uh well it's time for our final
• 46:40
  segment the big
• 46:42
  question
• 46:43
  the question is very big
• 46:46
  you got one
• 46:49
  good joke francis
• 46:54
  thank you thank you okay here's maybe a question okay possibly um you know willie wonka and the
• 47:03
  chocolate factory yes if how would you have like what sort of willie wonka would you have been
• 47:11
  how would you have done that whole weird factory thing what would you have done to those children
• 47:17
  Ooh. Well, technically the children did those things to themselves.
• 47:23
  That's true, but.
• 47:25
  Through their own various.
• 47:26
  Yeah. But he put them in situations, like what situations would you have concocted?
• 47:29
  What would your Oompa Loompas have been like?
• 47:31
  What sort of Wonka would Jenna have been?
• 47:35
  I feel like I probably would have been a assholey Wonka.
• 47:43
  Like I would like getting people into these.
• 47:45
  because I mean
• 47:46
  in the movie he was very much like
• 47:50
  oh no stop don't
• 47:52
  like he didn't care but I think I would
• 47:54
  like to trap people into these things
• 47:57
  um
• 47:58
  hmm
• 48:01
  Wonka did a pretty good job on his own though
• 48:04
  do you have any examples
• 48:06
  like of what kind of a Wonka you would be
• 48:09
  well I think
• 48:09
  I think it would be really funny if the candy
• 48:12
  and the chocolate was horrible
• 48:14
  like none of it was like it was very very bad and so everyone's like every time i got to a new like
• 48:21
  exhibit maybe like oh the chairs are edible no like people would be like
• 48:26
  you tell them they're edible chairs and then just watch as they try to go to town on wood
• 48:34
  yeah like we're not moving to the next room until you bite the chair
• 48:40
  I think because he's ultimately deciding
• 48:44
  who he's going to give control of the factory to
• 48:46
  who's going to be the next CEO
• 48:47
  I think it'd be really funny if he gave the kids
• 48:50
  tests on Microsoft Excel
• 48:52
  and business management
• 48:53
  you can't move on to the next room
• 48:56
  until you create a pivot table
• 48:57
  now remember two rooms ago
• 49:00
  who kept their receipt
• 49:01
  we're going to need it for accounting
• 49:04
  weren't you pissed when Augustus went into
• 49:10
  the chocolate.
• 49:12
  Yeah.
• 49:13
  So avoidable.
• 49:14
  Yeah.
• 49:15
  The flower was a cup.
• 49:17
  You got to just dip it and drink it.
• 49:20
  I know he was the weakest link.
• 49:22
  Yeah.
• 49:22
  He had to go first.
• 49:24
  Yeah.
• 49:25
  Um,
• 49:26
  that.
• 49:29
  Yeah.
• 49:30
  But also then like all of that chocolate is contaminated now.
• 49:34
  He just ruined just a massive amount of,
• 49:38
  because anything in that river,
• 49:39
  because it's all now anything in the same vat
• 49:45
  and it's now ruined.
• 49:48
  Anyway, God, Augustus, idiot.
• 49:53
  You writing down Augustus?
• 49:55
  No, I'm not.
• 49:57
  Okay.
• 50:00
  I think I would have been really nice to some of the kids
• 50:05
  and really mean to other kids.
• 50:08
  Yeah.
• 50:08
  You know, really like,
• 50:09
  he was a dick to Charlie too.
• 50:13
  Well, he was poor.
• 50:15
  So he had it coming.
• 50:16
  Is that what you're saying?
• 50:17
  He didn't want him to get the ticket.
• 50:19
  I was like,
• 50:19
  this kid doesn't understand.
• 50:22
  He doesn't understand money.
• 50:24
  He doesn't understand what it's like to have an elevator that can fly through the sky.
• 50:29
  Unlike the rest of us.
• 50:31
  I think I would make it like escape rooms on the factory tour.
• 50:36
  I was thinking it'd be fun to do it like Saw
• 50:40
  kind of a little bit like Saw
• 50:42
  like in a whimsical way
• 50:43
  I like the whimsy of Wonka
• 50:45
  oh no I want these kids to be terrified
• 50:47
  well they were on that boat ride
• 50:50
  this is true
• 50:52
  we all were
• 50:53
  we all were terrified
• 50:54
  and the rowers keep on rowing
• 50:58
  I think it'd be funny if it just never ended
• 51:02
  just keep going back
• 51:05
  And like to put,
• 51:05
  so it was so obvious where like they just started again at the beginning
• 51:07
  and he acted like they'd never seen the room before.
• 51:10
  Yeah.
• 51:11
  And then just say like,
• 51:13
  we're just have your Oompa Loompas change it slightly.
• 51:16
  So you're like,
• 51:17
  no,
• 51:17
  no,
• 51:17
  no,
• 51:17
  this is a different room.
• 51:18
  Yeah.
• 51:19
  Loompa.
• 51:20
  Oompa.
• 51:21
  It's new.
• 51:22
  It's fresh.
• 51:25
  Um,
• 51:26
  yeah.
• 51:27
  What kind of things would you do then?
• 51:29
  Like more,
• 51:30
  like more things I would do.
• 51:31
  Yeah.
• 51:32
  Wait,
• 51:32
  what did you say you would do besides?
• 51:35
  You said you would have them just keep the tour going.
• 51:39
  But individual rooms.
• 51:42
  Yeah.
• 51:43
  Here's a fun one.
• 51:44
  Remember where they licked the wallpaper?
• 51:45
  Yeah.
• 51:46
  Wouldn't it be funny if...
• 51:47
  The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
• 51:48
  Wouldn't it be funny if there was a little tiny hole in the wall
• 51:51
  and someone's lips were coming through it?
• 51:53
  And like in a kiss?
• 51:55
  Yeah.
• 51:56
  And then, but no one said anything,
• 51:58
  like he didn't say anything about it.
• 51:59
  And just to see if anyone would like kiss the lips.
• 52:01
  It's like a kiss glory hole.
• 52:02
  I was specifically trying not to say glory hole.
• 52:05
  I tried to make the hole small enough that it was just lips.
• 52:10
  Like glory holds your line.
• 52:13
  Can you imagine?
• 52:14
  You blow the pilot, but.
• 52:17
  Oh, I thought you meant it was my secret word.
• 52:19
  Oh, no.
• 52:20
  I know.
• 52:21
  That would be a fun secret word.
• 52:22
  It would.
• 52:23
  Looking at you, Joe.
• 52:24
  There's nothing wrong with servicing a pilot, especially when, I mean, your safety is in
• 52:28
  their hands.
• 52:28
  You want to make sure they feel good.
• 52:30
  Yeah.
• 52:31
  Although not too relaxed.
• 52:32
  I don't want them falling asleep up there.
• 52:34
  Right, right, right.
• 52:35
  Well, that's why there's a number two.
• 52:36
  Yeah, throw some teeth in every now and then.
• 52:39
  You feeling good?
• 52:39
  You like that?
• 52:40
  Watch it!
• 52:47
  So that's one thing I would do.
• 52:50
  I would hit one of the,
• 52:51
  when people weren't looking,
• 52:52
  I would smack people with the cane
• 52:53
  because you had like a walking stick in the beginning.
• 52:55
  I think it would be hilarious.
• 52:56
  There's no context, like a hard thwack.
• 52:58
  What are you going to do?
• 52:59
  What are they going to go?
• 53:00
  Plain?
• 53:00
  This was a sought after ticket.
• 53:01
  It was literally a golden ticket.
• 53:03
  Are you going to leave?
• 53:04
  I know.
• 53:04
  go then go get the fuck out yeah and then here's one thing i would do i'd be like do i have any
• 53:09
  volunteers for the next like thing and then whoever volunteered they would step forward
• 53:14
  and i would choke them out and then i'd be like children this was a lesson not everything is
• 53:20
  worthwhile get the information before you come in yeah and then i would ask do i have any more
• 53:24
  volunteers and then that one would be a big prize yeah and but would that be rewarding the person
• 53:33
  who doesn't get your advice.
• 53:36
  And then, yeah, then you'd be like, see?
• 53:38
  Don't always listen to everybody's advice.
• 53:39
  Take chances.
• 53:40
  Yeah.
• 53:40
  Risk is.
• 53:41
  Yeah.
• 53:41
  Yeah.
• 53:42
  I would have a giant room that was like that TV show Wipeout
• 53:47
  with like the giant balls that people jump on.
• 53:51
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 53:51
  I would love watching that.
• 53:52
  Yeah.
• 53:54
  Oh, here's one.
• 53:56
  I just thought of this.
• 53:57
  I'd be like, okay, listen, I don't have all day.
• 53:59
  This is toward the end of the tour.
• 54:00
  I don't have all day.
• 54:01
  the first person who will let me kill their parent
• 54:05
  right now in front of you wins.
• 54:09
  And then whoever did it, I'd be like, watch out for that one.
• 54:14
  Yeah.
• 54:15
  Yeah.
• 54:16
  Disqualified.
• 54:16
  Now we know.
• 54:17
  Congratulations.
• 54:17
  You have the ruthlessness you need to succeed
• 54:19
  in this fast-paced business environment.
• 54:22
  And then the gun, you kill her.
• 54:25
  But do you have the dedication?
• 54:26
  Call your mother until you killed her.
• 54:29
  How bad do you want it?
• 54:31
  Be cool to make the kids do like fear factor type challenges.
• 54:34
  Like you can eat as many worms.
• 54:36
  Oh,
• 54:36
  oh,
• 54:37
  worms.
• 54:37
  Yeah.
• 54:38
  Yeah.
• 54:38
  Chocolate.
• 54:39
  Well,
• 54:39
  it's hard to eat a lot of,
• 54:41
  even if you're,
• 54:42
  Oh,
• 54:42
  you can make it candy themed fear factor.
• 54:44
  So like worms covered in chocolate,
• 54:46
  like drizzled in.
• 54:47
  Oh,
• 54:47
  you buy stock and worms,
• 54:49
  but yes.
• 54:52
  Well,
• 54:52
  after many cucumbers failed,
• 54:54
  I figured I should diversify.
• 54:55
  Those are big worms.
• 54:57
  Don't wriggle.
• 54:59
  Um,
• 54:59
  more,
• 55:00
  you have more.
• 55:01
  This is kind of fun.
• 55:05
  I'm having a good time.
• 55:06
  I don't know.
• 55:07
  I would have a room.
• 55:09
  I think there's some company that has a room like this.
• 55:15
  I forget what it is.
• 55:16
  It's a technology company.
• 55:18
  Maybe Microsoft has a room.
• 55:20
  Anyway, where it is a perfectly soundproof room.
• 55:27
  Oh, I know what you're talking about.
• 55:28
  And apparently it's impossible to stay in it
• 55:31
  without going crazy for like,
• 55:33
  But then like your heart beating, you're like, it's like, it's like so devoid of sound.
• 55:37
  It's like you can, yeah.
• 55:38
  Like, and, and you just like go crazy.
• 55:40
  Cause there's not even one lick of, so like you can't, people can't stay in it for like,
• 55:44
  there's, I think there's a challenge, like see if you can stay in there for an hour,
• 55:48
  but like people can't go past like seven minutes or something.
• 55:51
  It's like crazy.
• 55:52
  I would have a room like that.
• 55:57
  Yeah, I would have a room like that and I would make sure there's no door.
• 56:03
  So they can only come out when I say they can come out.
• 56:09
  There would be a lot of one-way glass, like mirror, one-way mirrors.
• 56:17
  I would want to be spying all the time.
• 56:19
  I would have what seems like a really fun room,
• 56:24
  and then I would have what seems like a really fun room
• 56:31
  and then have that one-way glass and then watch what they do.
• 56:34
  I'd be like, okay, I've got to go take care of some administrative things.
• 56:38
  You guys hang out in here.
• 56:41
  Don't get up to too much trouble.
• 56:43
  You know what would be really funny?
• 56:44
  It was set up to be a one-way mirror,
• 56:48
  but you're like, I'll be right back.
• 56:50
  And then you just left and stood in the room
• 56:52
  and they could see you just standing there.
• 56:58
  Okay, I'm gone now.
• 56:59
  I'm watching them.
• 57:01
  um, I would have them, um, like I, you'd have to vary the room. So it'd have to be the psychological
• 57:11
  torture room, then the fun room, the seemingly fun room. Then you'd take them into like,
• 57:16
  like a, a classroom that has like, where they'd like learn to evaluate like cost basis and like,
• 57:26
  what's the benefit of shrinkage in our chocolates, right?
• 57:32
  To see if they can understand,
• 57:35
  okay, at what percentage do we start making more money?
• 57:38
  And then they can't leave that room
• 57:39
  until they figure out the correct ratio.
• 57:43
  The only way to move on to another room
• 57:47
  is you've created cutouts in the wall
• 57:49
  of each person's silhouette, but minus one hand.
• 57:53
  The only way that you can get through
• 57:54
  is if you cut off one of your hands.
• 57:56
  how dedicated are you how much do you want to leave this room cut off one of your hands and
• 58:04
  then brush the finger of your cutoff hand against the wall lips and then throw that hand over a series of giant inflatable balls like wipeout style I like that All of our ideas are basically like American Ninja warrior fear factor and a
• 58:22
  Blumhouse movie all rolled into one.
• 58:24
  Yeah.
• 58:24
  With chocolate.
• 58:25
  With chocolate.
• 58:26
  Yeah.
• 58:27
  So I like that movie.
• 58:29
  Yeah.
• 58:29
  I always get a little bored toward the end,
• 58:31
  but like what's your take?
• 58:33
  Because in my opinion,
• 58:34
  I never understood why he, like why Charlie ended up winning.
• 58:41
  Like I know it was like supposedly because he had like the most, I don't know, maturity
• 58:45
  or like he was the honest one or whatever.
• 58:48
  But like he still broke the rules like everyone else did.
• 58:52
  The breaking of the rules thing, it wasn't, that was not the part of it.
• 58:57
  It was the breaking of the rules thing was like a way to like reject him to see if he
• 59:02
  would give the everlasting gobstopper.
• 59:05
  Oh,
• 59:05
  I forgot about it.
• 59:06
  Slugworth.
• 59:07
  And he doesn't,
• 59:08
  he gives it back to Wonka.
• 59:10
  So then Wonka knows,
• 59:11
  even though I rejected him and send him away,
• 59:14
  he still isn't going to betray me.
• 59:17
  Uh,
• 59:17
  and so that's how he knew that was a little test that he passed.
• 59:20
  So Wonka had,
• 59:21
  he had to like,
• 59:21
  kind of like white fang him and be like,
• 59:23
  get out of here.
• 59:24
  Go on.
• 59:26
  Yeah.
• 59:26
  And see how that,
• 59:28
  yeah.
• 59:28
  Take your handless stump and get out of here.
• 59:31
  And you take your dead grandpa with you.
• 59:38
  Cool.
• 59:38
  So we just torture a bunch of kids.
• 59:40
  I like that.
• 59:41
  Yeah.
• 59:41
  They signed a contract.
• 59:43
  Yeah.
• 59:44
  And this is how they learn.
• 59:45
  Yeah.
• 59:46
  And my art factory is out beyond maritime international law.
• 59:50
  Yeah, exactly.
• 59:51
  And we're safe.
• 59:52
  Yeah.
• 59:52
  Floating chocolate empire.
• 59:54
  And then as they're,
• 59:56
  as they're leaving,
• 59:57
  carrying their bloodied hand and their dead parent,
• 1:00:00
  that they just shot.
• 1:00:02
  We have an Aldi stock boy come out and say,
• 1:00:04
  let me see your bags.
• 1:00:06
  Whose hand is that?
• 1:00:07
  We saw you do something.
• 1:00:09
  Not you, him.
• 1:00:11
  Sir?
• 1:00:13
  Anyway, thanks, that was fun.
• 1:00:15
  Sure.
• 1:00:16
  I had a great time.
• 1:00:17
  All right, well, that answers the big question.
• 1:00:20
  Yeah, and for anyone,
• 1:00:20
  I'm just thinking about this earlier,
• 1:00:21
  for anyone listening who's like,
• 1:00:22
  why were they inappropriate?
• 1:00:25
  When I said I blew the pilot,
• 1:00:26
  I meant like this.
• 1:00:28
  Oh, because he was hot.
• 1:00:30
  Yeah.
• 1:00:30
  Yeah.
• 1:00:30
  Oh, go pull your mind out of the gutter.
• 1:00:32
  That's my favorite way to hit on someone, by the way.
• 1:00:34
  They just walk by and you go.
• 1:00:36
  How often does that work?
• 1:00:39
  I just invented it.
• 1:00:40
  Oh, well, that's I like it.
• 1:00:41
  Thanks.
• 1:00:42
  I'm going to try it next Wednesday.
• 1:00:43
  Okay.
• 1:00:44
  What's next Wednesday?
• 1:00:46
  I going back to Sprouts because when I was at Sprouts on Wednesday I saw a very hot man Oh okay Nice And he was so hot And I look forward to hearing about how that worked And he was carrying a basket instead of a cart
• 1:00:59
  which tells me maybe he's got a shopping day.
• 1:01:04
  Like, you know, he shops for the week.
• 1:01:05
  Wait, you said he was carrying a basket instead of a cart?
• 1:01:08
  Wouldn't that mean that he was kind of doing some ad hoc shopping?
• 1:01:15
  This was...
• 1:01:16
  This was...
• 1:01:17
  Roger.
• 1:01:19
  this was uh this wasn't an employee of no no no i've stopped going after service workers i feel
• 1:01:26
  like even if you don't see that particular guy i i feel like i usually see a pretty good ratio
• 1:01:32
  at sprouts yeah i'll tell you about him later okay well we only have one final bit of business
• 1:01:41
  Show do.
• 1:01:42
  Show do.
• 1:01:45
  Oh, you're calling me hot?
• 1:01:48
  Yep.
• 1:01:49
  Love it.
• 1:01:52
  You want to guess first this time?
• 1:01:53
  Sure.
• 1:01:55
  I don't think I have it.
• 1:01:57
  Okay.
• 1:01:58
  Love the confidence.
• 1:02:01
  It's a chocolate, is it?
• 1:02:04
  No.
• 1:02:05
  Okay, I was like, I'm screwed.
• 1:02:06
  uh is it cat taco goat pizza no or any one of those words no no no okay i was a little worried
• 1:02:16
  when you said did you say a bunch of random do you just make sounds that sounded like these words
• 1:02:22
  and i was like uh one of those is okay straighter you wish honey no i don't contort no booklet
• 1:02:34
  No, good word though.
• 1:02:35
  Go me.
• 1:02:37
  Mea culpa?
• 1:02:38
  No, good phrase.
• 1:02:40
  Go me.
• 1:02:43
  Feasible?
• 1:02:44
  No.
• 1:02:45
  I only have one more guess.
• 1:02:48
  Receptors?
• 1:02:49
  No.
• 1:02:50
  Dang.
• 1:02:50
  Oh, I thought you were going to get one of these.
• 1:02:53
  Okay, here we go.
• 1:02:53
  Here's the big reveal.
• 1:02:55
  My word was maturity.
• 1:02:58
  Oh.
• 1:02:59
  When did you say it?
• 1:03:00
  At the end where I was saying that he was like the most mature kid.
• 1:03:05
  The most maturity.
• 1:03:07
  Oh.
• 1:03:08
  You know, that's the thing.
• 1:03:09
  I would have thought you would have said it already.
• 1:03:11
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:03:12
  Normally I would have.
• 1:03:12
  Yeah.
• 1:03:13
  I had to think of something.
• 1:03:14
  I had to break the wheel.
• 1:03:15
  I'm driving here.
• 1:03:18
  And my decoy word was laughable.
• 1:03:21
  Wait, when did you say that?
• 1:03:22
  We were discussing.
• 1:03:25
  I said it twice.
• 1:03:27
  I don't remember.
• 1:03:28
  Let's think about later.
• 1:03:30
  Great Okay All right At least Ooh All right right here we go i gonna guess oyster no i thought you took me on a detour no i know you were worried about that i wish i had
• 1:03:43
  that that no i saw you write that down and i was like that's very funny
• 1:03:50
  squibs nope i was just hearkening back to your old invention
• 1:03:54
  fascia nope
• 1:03:58
  i mean what i said
• 1:04:02
  timeless nope
• 1:04:06
  devoid nope
• 1:04:10
  is that it do you want that to be it
• 1:04:15
  well well you i know it's i'm just i'm asking
• 1:04:19
  shrinkage that's my decoy
• 1:04:23
  Yes.
• 1:04:26
  I knew that was a risk.
• 1:04:27
  She was trying so hard.
• 1:04:28
  I know.
• 1:04:28
  Well, you never know because we've gone both ways on this.
• 1:04:31
  We sometimes we shoehorn the word or the decoy.
• 1:04:35
  So you really just like a gamble.
• 1:04:37
  I know it is a gamble.
• 1:04:38
  Damn, you got a point.
• 1:04:39
  You never repeat the real word.
• 1:04:42
  So like.
• 1:04:42
  That's not true.
• 1:04:43
  That's not true at all.
• 1:04:45
  Francis did.
• 1:04:48
  Yeah.
• 1:04:49
  Don't put me on Baja Blast.
• 1:04:50
  And I guessed it.
• 1:04:50
  I guess his real word.
• 1:04:51
  I forget what it was, but I guess.
• 1:04:53
  your real word as your decoy because you said it multiple times.
• 1:04:58
  Um, oh, nice. So do you have any more guesses or was shrinkage the last one?
• 1:05:04
  I didn't say that. I didn't say shrinkage.
• 1:05:08
  You stopped gaslighting.
• 1:05:10
  I said shrinkle. Uh, no, I don't have anything else. Okay. I lost.
• 1:05:15
  Oh, good. I still got points.
• 1:05:17
  A point.
• 1:05:17
  my word was theatrics
• 1:05:24
  that one did stick out to me for just like a half second
• 1:05:28
  I should have wrote it down
• 1:05:29
  now I'm trying to remember exactly what I said
• 1:05:33
  I think it was invention of the week
• 1:05:36
  I love when
• 1:05:37
  yeah something has like unnecessary theatrics
• 1:05:39
  yeah that's great
• 1:05:41
  thank you for remembering what I said
• 1:05:43
  your words are gold to me
• 1:05:45
  alright
• 1:05:46
  Well, I'm enjoying my point.
• 1:05:49
  Good.
• 1:05:50
  I want you to have it.
• 1:05:50
  Thank you.
• 1:05:51
  I appreciate that.
• 1:05:52
  Next week, I'm going to cream you.
• 1:05:53
  Okay.
• 1:05:54
  I look forward to it.
• 1:05:56
  I'll have a good creaming.
• 1:06:00
  All right.
• 1:06:01
  Let's take this off.
• 1:06:03
  Bye.