Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 4 - Episode 301 - Don’t attend the argument!.

Transcript

Season 4 - Episode 301 - Don’t attend the argument!. · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

0:01
Hey everybody, welcome to the good morning from the Chicken
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Coop podcast. My name is Kim Johnson and I am
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a mastermindset coach, creative strategist, and also happened to
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be a farmer. This is my chicken coop and I
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come out here every day to record a podcast to teach
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distinctions, possibilities, new ways of thinking, and just bring
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some joy into the world. So welcome to the coop and let's
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start your day off in a fantastic way.
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Hey everybody, good morning. So I know a lot of us are
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traveling this week. I'm not, I'm traveling right to
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the chicken coop. That's about the extent of my
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travel. However, I do have guests coming
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and you know, it's going to be a very untraditional Thanksgiving
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in the sense that we are not doing a Turkey.
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I am on a Turkey revolt and just over the Turkey thing.
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So I asked that we do something different and my husband is
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making a brisket and I think he's roasting other things too,
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but he's doing a brisket. So the Thanksgiving is going to
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be a little different and I'm very grateful for that.
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But in any event, today what we're talking about is you do
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not need to attend every argument you're invited to over
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this holiday. And I've had so many clients
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talk to me this past week, two weeks about, well, what do I do
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when this person says this or how do I handle this?
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Because I know this really irritates me when this comes up.
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And we've been navigating this and it's just so important, that
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phrase. I want you to really hear me say
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it again. You do not have to attend every
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argument you're invited to. And what I mean by that is if
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somebody starts poking you and throwing hooks at you, which you
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potentially can be really peppered with them, especially
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if it's a subject that has to do with you or your actions or
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something around you that they know is something that irritates
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you, you don't have to attend. You can just sit there and
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listen. You can say, oh, that's
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interesting. My go to phrase for people can't
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tell you how many times I've said that this week is just go,
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you know what? That's interesting.
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You don't have to say anything else.
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You don't have to say, how can you think that way?
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Even though that's what's you're going on in your head.
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Remember, your indoor voice and your outdoor voice are two
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separate things. Just like when you're little,
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you know, you hear your mother say, please use your indoor
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voice, make it quiet. Don't use your outdoor voice.
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Well, as adults. What that means as an adult is
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it doesn't have to be said externally.
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You can say it internally. You can think, gosh, this person
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is deft. I don't even understand why I'm
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having a conversation with this person.
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You can be all opinionated in your head, but you don't need to
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engage your mouth because the moment you engage your mouth,
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you expose your position. And the moment you expose your
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position, now you have an issue. As soon as you do that, as soon
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as your position is exposed, you're vulnerable and you start
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to feel your emotions go up. So if you are, you know, in that
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mindset of managing your emotions and really controlling
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them and being able to decide who's driving your bus, you
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recognize that this may be the time to create a persona on your
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bus that's called holiday person.
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And that holiday person is calm and cheery and doesn't have any
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triggers and just goes through the, the whole thing like in a
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bubble. And then this is just, you wrap
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yourself in that belief of like, oh, I'm in holiday person mode.
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So I don't engage in any of this.
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So if someone even brings the stuff up that frustrates you,
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annoys you, you literally can say, you know what?
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I'm in. I'm just in holiday mode right
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now and I just can't even enter into this conversation.
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It's not part of me right now. And people just look at you like
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they don't know what to do with you.
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But that's good. That's what you want.
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You don't want them to be able to push any of your buttons
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without your permission. Your buttons are your choice.
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You get to decide who pushes them.
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You get to decide what happens. Nobody else.
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So don't allow that to happen. Just simply shut it off.
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Cut it off. Don't do it.
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And you do that by entering into that belief beforehand.
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Because if you wait to think this through when you're in the
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moment, I guarantee you it is much harder to control it.
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So you have to figure it out before you go, Figure it out
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before they arrive, figure out how you're going to handle it.
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And it makes life infinitely easier.
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Just be in a very, very special place in your head where it's
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like, no, I'm in holiday mode. I'm just enjoy, I'm, I'm taking
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it in, I'm relaxing. I'm not going to get myself
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worked up about things I can't control or have no desire to
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control. And ultimately the only thing
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you can control is yourself, your thoughts, your beliefs,
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your actions. That's all.
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That's what you can control. Everything else is by the
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wayside. So I'm going to recommend that
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you figure out this persona ahead of time.
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I'm going to recommend that you figure out things beforehand so
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that you don't get stuck in that moment.
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Look at who's going to be in your group, who's going to be
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those triggers. Understand what could come up,
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deflate it before it happens, and you can be far more
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successful and happy by the end of this Thanksgiving holiday.
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All right, my friends, I hope you have a blessed day and I
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will see you tomorrow. Bye.