Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 222. What Every Mom Needs: Finding Peace When You Feel You Have to Hold It All Together with Author Nicole Suvar

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222. What Every Mom Needs: Finding Peace When You Feel You Have to Hold It All Together with Author Nicole Suvar · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Hinklman, certified emptiness coach and your listening to the Midlife Mama podcast.
• 0:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: This show is for Christian moms navigating the emptiness, learning how to let go with grace, set healthy boundaries, reconnected marriage, and step confidently into the God-given purpose.
• 0:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week I'll coach you through this season with faith-filled encouragement,
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: on his conversations and practical tools that you can apply right away to your relationships and your life.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: If this episode encourages you, I'd be grateful if you leave a quick rating and review.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms find the support they need.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the link in the show notes and make sure you're following the podcast.
• 0:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And let's get started.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: This month, we're talking about what every mom needs.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not the surface stuff, but the deep things our hearts are creating in this season.
• 0:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And today's conversation is when I think many of you will feel right away.
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because if you're anything like me, you spend lots of years holding things together, showing up, managing the emotions, carrying the weight, trying to keep everything from falling apart, and somewhere along the way, it starts to feel heavy.
• 1:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what do you do when you're tired of holding it all together, but you don't know how to let go?
• 1:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's exactly what we're talking about today.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm joined by author Nicole Suvar and we're diving into her beautiful soon-to-be-released book.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to hold it all together.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nicole is an author and speaker who knows what it feels like to live overwhelmed, rushed, and stretched then by anxiety, and then her newest book Nicole takes us all the way back to the beginning to God's original design and shows us with true peace actually looks like.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: We talk about the pressure we put on ourselves, the false places we look for, peace, and the deeper rhythms God created to live in.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: If your soul has been craving rest, this conversation will meet you right where you are.
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's dive in.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: The cool, tell us what life looks like for you in this season.
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, Pamela, thank you for having me on today.
• 2:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: My season right now, I am just on the brink of children
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh boy, yes, so I'm like you and your content, I'm like yes Pam, I need to take notes because this is coming like just what can I prepare my heart in my mind for?
• 2:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am married to my high school sweetheart 24 years going on 24 years this year and I work full time at a licensing agency for foster parents and so I'm doing that on the side as well as author and speaker and mom I have a 19 year old who is living at home while going to college she just he's a freshman in college.
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have a senior in high school so she's graduating momentarily
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: By the time we're talking about this, she will have had her license.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, stuff.
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's amazing.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: My turn is good.
• 3:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: This spring is wild.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're so glad you're here.
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Many moms feel like they have to keep everything together.
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're balancing family, work, faith, responsibilities.
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why do you think we carry that pressure?
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think for one, the world tells us too.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: There is this culture that is telling us that we are capable, and so therefore we should be doing all the things.
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And, I think we're also a lot of us are wired to be able to do all the things.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: So as long as we're able to keep adding more things in, we just keep adding it in, yes.
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes some of those things that we keep adding in, those aren't ours to do.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, somebody else can do those, but we're like, you know what?
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I could do it more efficiently.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can, I know the best way to do this.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: It will be done the way I think it should be done.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so we just take it on and we get buried underneath.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: So many Hicks.
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I'd love that.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think in this season of life, one of the lessons we're learning is that, oh my gosh, is that really my responsibility or not.
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and we are carrying things.
• 4:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: that our adult children should be carry.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then, a huge shift.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And yet, moms, even when we're trying to let go, trying to let our kids carry it, we feel the sense of overwhelm.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: So tell me about this, what do we do?
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do we do when we feel overwhelmed?
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think some of that overwhelm like digging into what is at the root of it because a lot of the root of overwhelm is because we are trying to control a lot and what is
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: What drives that control?
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: We want the outcome.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: We want to control the outcome.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: So therefore, we're trying to control right here, what is happening, because we know how we would like it to play out.
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so it was really hard to, yeah, to open up and let it go and be like, this may not play out.
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: However, let it play out.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: and being able to hold it loosely and trusting God for the outcome.
• 5:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's carry what God has asked us to steward.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like that, there are things like he has called us to do.
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's do those things and trust him for the provision and trust him for the outcome.
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nice, nice.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, I want to speak to this, how do you discern the difference between what it means to be busy?
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I think of this time of year.
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're just coming through May or at the end of May, and it's just, I guess, maybe for moms is like crazy down.
• 5:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so you're saying it's even busy when they're all at a school?
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's still happening.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, mirrored.
• 5:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the spur.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, how do you differentiate?
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: the difference between healthy busy and when that creeps into that anxiousness or that truly overwhelm, I can't do this.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's too much.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you do that?
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to serve that.
• 6:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think it does tie back again till the outcomes and wanting to control.
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, wanting to control all these things on the calendar versus allowing some things to be like, you know what, that's not playing out the way I thought it would or this actually needs to be paused for now and we're going to pick this up at a later date and versus, this was my original plan and this is how I went everything to play out like continuing to just hold on to all those things and believing like we keep moving forward because we believe we are the one that is holding all this stuff together.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, there's a difference between a full schedule and an overwhelming schedule.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that is a key part is how much of it are we trying to be the sole provider of it and being the one to have with out come is we want it it's on our shoulders.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's all about discerning.
• 6:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: This actually isn't mine.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: So how can a mom move from this is all on me and I want to know what's going to happen to Lord I trust you with that.
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: What steps does she know how do we move from we move it.
• 7:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there is, it has to be intentional.
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what the subtitle of my book, cultivating the peace of Eden when feeling overwhelmed.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So cultivating, yeah, cultivating takes intention.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you want to cultivate a garden, you have to, you get the pick out the seeds, you have to dig up the soil, you need to plant the seeds, water them,
• 7:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: But you are not in charge of making those seeds grow and to plants you are not in charge of getting those plants to create blossoms and then fruit like the providing the provision and the increase that is the lords and so thinking about like how intentionally are what are you doing.
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: in your relationships because I think so much of it is these relationships that we're trying to keep the way that we think is best.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: What are we cultivating those relationships that is God, God honoring, that is soul filling, and intentionally making steps to
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: to cultivate those, like making sure, they feel like the, in the, in scripture about the good soil, making sure, what are we doing to have good soil?
• 8:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that when those seeds of relationship are planted, they actually bring good growth.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's, some of it is not speaking up when something,
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it making like really digging into scripture and also slowing down a listening for God's spirit for his spiritual prompt us to maybe not speak when we shouldn't be speaking or sending that note when we feel prompted to send it, it's tax anymore, but if we want our kids to respond if they respond.
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think, yeah, in cultivating that intentional relationship with our father first, so that out of that is an outpouring into the relationships that we have with our children.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so tell me about this returning to Eden idea.
• 9:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I, for, I don't even know how many years I have had this thought that goes through my head whenever I'm up against something that,
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: feels hard, but yet I know part of it is good.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I know that parts of this is part of it is God.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: God or Dane or God planted this force part of it, but there's parts of it just feel itky.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why is that?
• 9:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's because a lot of these things like we're originated in Eden, like we ourselves were created to live in Eden.
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the exile, the fall has happened and now we're living outside of that place that we are originally we're supposed to be.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: So everything just feels a little off.
• 9:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so whenever I'm addressing something I ask myself, okay, what part of this was good and Eden?
• 9:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then I'm focusing on the good parts of what God, and those are the parts that I'm cultivating and being intentional with?
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Can you give me an example?
• 10:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 10:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: So in my book, I dig into seven of them.
• 10:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 10:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And first of all, most of my artists started speaking into this.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: The very first one is communion with God.
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: When you think about in the garden where Adam and Eve walked in the cool of the morning with God.
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, his time with them was there wasn't anything that was separating them like there was this total piece and where do that piece come from it was the fact that they weren't in control of it, they trusted the provider to give them all that they needed and it was all in that place and so because of that there was.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: this garden of perfection but also garden of security and trust and peace and so how do we get back to that because the fall has twisted it for sure we are no longer getting to just walk in the garden with God thankfully Jesus toward the veil with his death and resurrection so we can
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he has also left his comforter, like the Holy Spirit is here, and acknowledging and recognizing that at all times, we have access to him.
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think that sometimes we feel like we just kind of get started in our day, and there's all these things that we have to do.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And God comes over to the side, and it's not till like we have hit so many walls, or we are so frustrated, or so burnt out, that we're like, okay, God.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: help me with this.
• 11:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he said, I was here all along.
• 11:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was ready to meet you, but at the very beginning of this, and I think just going throughout the day and seeing this relationship with him right beside you in every step versus somebody you just every once in a while, check in with.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's the awareness of God's presence.
• 11:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: So in a moment of overwhelm.
• 11:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: whether you're worried about what's going on with your adult child who's a way at college.
• 11:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: How did they do it finals to make past.
• 11:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are they in a great relationship?
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are they going to get the job?
• 12:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have all these things that we're thinking about and concerned about in that moment we say.
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm right here with you, God.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're right here with me.
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I can choose to have your peace in this moment.
• 12:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's so practical.
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and it may be just to be of a God.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: This thought is overwhelming to me.
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm thinking about my son and what may be going, I don't know what's going on right now.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like right there, just give it to him.
• 12:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: He didn't ask you to keep carrying that weight and that worry about your son or your daughter or the situation.
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: We want to we keep picking it up and we roll around our heads trying to figure out
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like, right there, and like, I had to do it out loud, like, just out loud.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's something about hearing ourselves say it.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just like, God, I need to release this to you.
• 12:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I need you.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know you were there with them the same time you were here with me.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I need you to take this.
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's the answer.
• 12:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, everything, right?
• 12:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 12:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's one of the keys to our peace.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: So tell me what else we can learn from.
• 12:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like the attributes of Eden.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I go into a chapter about just the outdoors and how creation itself, how God has created it to sustain us and just to communicate even with our bodies in ways that we aren't even aware of.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's so much
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: that the outdoors communicates with us with as we're outside, there has been studies about like green spaces.
• 13:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: How people have been shown to have better mental health when they live close to green spaces versus if they're surrounded by concrete.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like they did the study in cities where they were close to parks and people who were not.
• 13:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like them how much better they're just their mental health was simply by being near trees.
• 13:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: My husband and I, when we move back to Iowa, we work for this ministry.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I work part-time.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: He works full-time.
• 13:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And our home is literally in a forest.
• 13:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: This time of year when leaves are waking up and everything is turned around.
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: My soul is so happy.
• 14:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel God, I sense God.
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's just something about
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nature that speaks to you that says, I'm here.
• 14:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to say you, you're safe.
• 14:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I see you, I've got you.
• 14:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if we can take a moment and just notice it, notice it, notice it.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 14:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: That five minute walk outside at lunchtime will really do you good, right?
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 14:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's something when you're outside, if you really notice, if you stop in notice and you start looking around at all of creation,
• 14:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: ponder the fact that like all of this is being held together and I know that again the fall has distorted things but yet God is still in control and still holding all together and if he can care for the sparrow if he can care for this tree and how it goes through the seasons so that it sustains itself to the next one like
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: How much more is he caring for you and land other instance of it is they have to study with ocean waves and how the average in and out of a wave is equal to like the average human breath.
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so even like the waves and the ocean in the way it moves, also moves with us and can remind us like when we're like get anxious to kind of start bringing shorter and shallow or in faster and like even the oceans do like this have that same kind of rhythm that we can tie into.
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's beautiful.
• 15:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I wanted to ask you something.
• 15:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever noticed how fast you chained in a comfy clothes that second you get home?
• 15:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because same, lately I've been reaching for my cozy earth joggers at all the time.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's buttery soft and I even wore it on the six hour car trip home to my mom's because comfort is everything.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: But honestly, I wear it way beyond lounging, evenings at home, weekend, errands, you name it, add a little silver jewelry, and I actually feel cute and put together.
• 16:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And here's something I love.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Cozy earth products come with a 10 year warranty, and they actually get softer, the more you wear them.
• 16:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready for comfort, you'll want to live in head to cozyearth.com and use my code MAMA for an exclusive 20% off.
• 16:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's MOMMA because apparently I spell it weird.
• 16:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you get the post purchase survey, be sure to mention you heard about cozyearth on the midlife MAMA podcast.
• 16:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, comfort lives here.
• 16:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll leave the discount code in the show notes.
• 16:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 16:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So tell me,
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm assuming, because you wrote this book, you have struggled with things ID.
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, my tell us about that and what you've learned.
• 16:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I had my first memories of anxiety actually go back to like third grade.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And most of my life, I struggled with anxiety, not knowing that's what it was.
• 16:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I most of me thought that everybody operated at this high level of anxiousness, because like when I was younger, I would actually miss having panic attacks, not knowing what it was, not having a good language for it.
• 17:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would tell my teachers, I would tell my parents about it, and it was just like, oh, it's not that big deal.
• 17:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: don't worry about it.
• 17:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just let it go.
• 17:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: All of those easy pat phrases that are not helpful, just calm down, like none of those are helpful to anybody.
• 17:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: But that's what I heard for years and years and years.
• 17:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not that I fault them because the 90s there was not a lot of good language around that stuff.
• 17:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't until I was in my 30s.
• 17:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was in my third round of depression.
• 17:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And at that point, I was suicidal.
• 17:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I called a hotline, and that was the first time I heard the words you may have an anxiety disorder.
• 17:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was rocked back on my heels a big, and I'm like, oh, you mean not everybody?
• 17:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, as go through life like this.
• 17:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I did.
• 17:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I went to the doctor.
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: They recommended the doctor and a counselor started doing those things and get diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and major depression.
• 18:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: at 36 years old.
• 18:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: So at that point, I started learning more and healing and finding out, okay, this is not normal how people operate and what are the tools that I can use to actually live life even though this anxiety ever single day.
• 18:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's trying to.
• 18:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: take over.
• 18:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but you've learned a new way of being, right?
• 18:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 18:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think the hard thing for the longest time was the shape because a Christian, how many verses are there about castering anxiety on him?
• 18:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: That was a verse that was so hard for me to hold on to because it felt like a command and I tried so hard and I thought, if I can't, if I can't cast my anxiety on him,
• 18:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: when in fact like when it's something that is like in your brain those re-uptake inhibitors get a really sciencey thing.
• 18:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: If those things are not connecting and you're going to feel anxious or you may feel depressed if your serotonin is low.
• 19:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's not a sin.
• 19:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like we aren't going to call someone who has cancer like the sin or a heart disease or these are things that need to be
• 19:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: addressed.
• 19:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they can't be if we keep shoving them down with shame.
• 19:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: When it comes to like when you clinically, we're talking with clinical anxiety, because I think there are times that we may feel anxious in our hearts.
• 19:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think the very first thing we have to do is we have to take it to Jesus.
• 19:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll have him help examine it to see if is this rooted in a sin?
• 19:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Anxiety isn't the sin, but it is a temperature gauge to like maybe something in your life that doesn't need to address.
• 19:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: but if you've gone through all that and you still have this anxiety that this could be something that's clinical.
• 19:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think like helping separate out those things, like feelings aren't the sin, like let's dig down to find out like actually what the issue is.
• 19:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 19:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: So first and foremost, like continuing every day, I feel like it's like repulsive.
• 19:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's that thorn in the flesh that like God did not remove.
• 19:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like anxiety is that for me.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: In that every day it's bringing me back to the cross because I can not function unless I keep playing it down at the foot of the cross for him to take care of.
• 20:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I've had to build so many just things into my day to keep communicating to my body that I'm safe because anxiety tells us that we are not safe and fear anxiety at all registers the same in our body if we would see a bear come into the room our body itself reacts the same way to oh no I have to make this phone call.
• 20:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 20:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our bodies do it.
• 20:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we have to communicate to our bodies that we are safe.
• 20:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so there's practices of like deep breathing that I talked about a lot of things that slow down the body.
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the deep breathing, the slower movements, the time in walking in nature.
• 20:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: slower things.
• 20:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes if we've got like a lot of adrenaline built up because we are thinking through a lot of things and it's make us really anxious.
• 20:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes the opposite of that needs to happen and we need to just get out that energy like it's an adrenaline thing.
• 21:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 21:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: So sometimes.
• 21:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so sometimes a very brisk walk.
• 21:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: What does need or sometimes a dance party or just jumping something that kind of helps loosen up the body and helps work out some of that adrenaline that's building up.
• 21:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's beautiful.
• 21:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: the Lord is using this in your life to help others and that is such a gift and that is so beautiful that you can share the healing that you've gained because you are returning to God because you are remembering what Eden was like.
• 21:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I want to know how do you hope this book will change the way readers think about the relationship with God when they feel overwhelmed or anxious.
• 21:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: that the very first thought is to go to him.
• 21:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it's not to like, I need to clamp it down.
• 21:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I need to get it together.
• 21:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I need like, just more work, more striving that's on us.
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: That when we start to feel overwhelmed, that the very first thing we go to is, I need to bring Jesus back into this.
• 22:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then, like, through those chapters, I've got several that kind of layout, like, what those things are around us that we can
• 22:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: dig into to cultivate, to just, so it becomes more normal or habitual in our life that it's always there so that it just brings up more of that piece.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I feel like we've got all sorts of tools.
• 22:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: There are so many things out there to help us get more organized or
• 22:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: deep declutter or the planners are still I'm a planner and I love to organize so I'm not talking down on those but there's so many of those tools that we can do but again that puts it all back on us and there's a difference between building your own Eden where you is this comfort and control and you're now in charge of maintaining all of it.
• 22:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: or going back to God's original design for Eden and asking him to provide the outcomes and the provision and the fruit.
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, Nicole, that's thing.
• 23:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's that?
• 23:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can build our own Eden by trying to control everything.
• 23:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Uh-huh.
• 23:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: We do this in this and this and then that just leaves us exhausted.
• 23:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or we could go straight to God, the minute.
• 23:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: The minute overwhelm our anxiety hit.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's simply a signal.
• 23:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's simply a single that says, Hey, you need Jesus right now.
• 23:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he is ready and willing to help.
• 23:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you think that.
• 23:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
• 23:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Beautiful.
• 23:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you don't have to get this figured out and then take it to him.
• 23:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like he wants it right now.
• 23:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 23:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm about that.
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm thinking about the mom who listens to this podcast.
• 23:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And consistently feels anxious about her adult children.
• 23:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: What's one thing you want her to know today?
• 23:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's something that even though I said my kids are not moved out of the house yet, but I have had some hard things with one of my daughters with like medical things and the last couple years seeing her getting ready to leave because she is moving away for college in August.
• 23:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: and having to release a lot of things to God.
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: That again, I'm not in control of, I'm not in control of her health.
• 24:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's only so many things I can do, like trying to get her health in place, like I very much took it on me.
• 24:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I had to keep reminding myself until it became my first thought is that God loves her more than I do.
• 24:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so his care for her is going to be so much better than any care that I can come up with.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so every time I went out to take it back and be like, this is how we should be doing things to get your most optimal life.
• 24:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: to be like, no, some of these things, and even if I'm seeing her making not the decisions that I want to make that I'm just going back to God and being like, God, you know her better than I do, and you know her heart right now, and her mind right now, I need you to care for her because I cannot.
• 24:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that's so hard good.
• 24:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it is so hard.
• 24:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: But when we do it so good, it is.
• 25:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying it's an easy thing.
• 25:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when we do it so good, that's so good.
• 25:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: God is faithful and it's like.
• 25:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: This was his intention for this season.
• 25:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: This continual surrender.
• 25:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you don't do it once.
• 25:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll do it 500 million times for the rest of your days.
• 25:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's just the reality of this season.
• 25:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you can do it and God cares about you and he sees you and he knows what you need.
• 25:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: All you have to do is turn to him.
• 25:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: So good.
• 25:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look all, I thank you for being with me today.
• 25:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would love you to tell my listeners where they can find your work and you're soon to be released.
• 25:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: They can find it all on my website livewithintent.org.
• 25:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: There is a page on there that will have my book on there and pre-order gifts.
• 25:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: The pre-order gifts are good through June 1st because the book comes out June 2nd.
• 25:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there's just a few more days.
• 25:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: They can access.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have a 21 day
• 26:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: devotional download that 20 other authors and creatives got together with me and created and there's also an opportunity to be part of the book club that I'm doing this summer will meet like seven times over Zoom where we'll just go through a chapter and discuss and
• 26:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: there's an opportunity to be a part of that too.
• 26:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then also on Instagram, I share a few days a week, just encouraging tips and practical ideas and just encouragement and general and hope in him, just mental wellness, God's Way.
• 26:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's at Nicole J. Subar.
• 26:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Alright, I will leave all of those links in the show notes.
• 26:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Wow, this is such a neat and conversation.
• 26:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you've been feeling like everything depends on you, I hope today reminded you that it doesn't.
• 26:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to hold it all together.
• 26:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: God already is.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: The colds words are such a gentle invitation back to what's been true all along.
• 26:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Real peace isn't something you create.
• 26:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's something you receive when you return to the way God designed you to live.
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
• 27:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 27:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 27:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: This week, who want you to step outside?
• 27:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm telling you,
• 27:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: if you're not a nature girl, you need to become one.
• 27:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we see nature, we see God.
• 27:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is His invitation that says, I'm right here.
• 27:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: So go outside and notice something beautiful and watch and see how that calms your soul.
• 27:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: If this episode spoke to you today, I'd love to you to share it with a friend who might be caring more than she was meant to, and if you're walking through a hard season with your adult child or just feeling the weight of the stage of motherhood, you don't have to do this alone.
• 27:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Coaching is a space where we can walk through it together with wisdom, faith, and support.
• 27:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can apply for coaching at the link in the show notes.
• 27:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Grace and peace, Mama.
• 27:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: You've got this and God's got you.
• 27:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 28:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: My hope is that you leave each episode feeling encouraged, grounded and clearer.
• 28:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Clearer about what you're feeling, what God may be stirring in you, and how to move forward in the season of the empty nest.
• 28:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Through these conversations, I'm not just sharing stories, I'm coaching you, helping you name what's happening beneath the service, challenging the thoughts that keep you stuck and take intentional steps toward peace and confidence as a midlife mom.
• 28:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready to go deeper and want personalized coaching support, I invite you to apply for coaching.
• 28:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Coaching is a focused one-on-one space where we work together to gain clarity,
• 28:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: process emotions and discern what God is calling you to in this next chapter.
• 28:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the application linked in the show notes and let's stay connected.
• 28:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can find me on Instagram at P-Hinkleman, that's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or on Facebook at Pamela Hinkleman, Emptinessed Coach.
• 29:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure out the season alone mama.
• 29:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Support and direction are possible, and I'm here when you're ready.