Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #305 Three Minute Therapy - Predictable Consistent Dependable

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#305 Three Minute Therapy - Predictable Consistent Dependable · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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  Speaker 2: wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Now good.
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  Speaker 3: It's doctor Justin Coilson, the author of a whole bunch
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  Speaker 3: of books about how to make your family happier. Still
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  Speaker 3: enjoying holidays with you, Kylie and our kids.
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  Speaker 1: Kylie is my.
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  Speaker 3: Wife, co host on the podcast, and mum to our
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  Speaker 3: six daughters.
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  Speaker 2: I'm grateful that you are still enjoying holidays with me.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, how could I not?
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  Speaker 3: Hey, because we're having holidays trying to keep the podcast
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  Speaker 3: short and simple so that you can spend as much
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  Speaker 3: time as possible with your family while still getting some
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  Speaker 3: useful hints and tips to make your family happier. And
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  Speaker 3: I was thinking just recently about one of my all
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: time favorite movies. You're looking at me like you don't
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  Speaker 3: know what my all time favorite movies are?
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  Speaker 2: Was it Top Gun?
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  Speaker 1: Oh? Come on, are you serious? Are you serious? Do
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  Speaker 1: you really just say that to me?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah?
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  Speaker 2: You were so excited when I got its new release.
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  Speaker 1: Our Top Gun two is still yet to be released.
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  Speaker 4: You were excited when you heard it was coming. Yes,
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  Speaker 4: and you made me watch the first one because I've
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  Speaker 4: never seen.
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  Speaker 1: It and I can't believe how bad it was.
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  Speaker 4: I can't believe how bad it was either, but you
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  Speaker 4: made me watch it, so I thigured it was must
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  Speaker 4: have been your best, your favorite one.
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  Speaker 1: And I did grin like an idiot the whole way.
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  Speaker 2: The whole way through. You reminded me of some fifteen
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  Speaker 2: year old teenage boy.
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  Speaker 1: It was kind of it was kind of positively nostalgic
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  Speaker 1: for me. I really enjoyed watching it. Anyway.
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  Speaker 4: That's okay, So clearly that's not your favorite movie, No, no, no, no,
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  Speaker 4: is it Braveheart?
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  Speaker 3: No, it used to be. I watched that just recently
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  Speaker 3: during these holidays. I was pretty disappointed with it, and
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  Speaker 3: I found it like the world has changed since nineteen
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  Speaker 3: I think it came out in like nineteen ninety six.
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  Speaker 3: Mel Gibson is there with this almost teenage girl who
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  Speaker 3: he marries, and he's meant to be the same age,
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  Speaker 3: but he looks like he's fifty years old. And I
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  Speaker 3: was watching it and cringing the whole time, just going, wow,
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  Speaker 3: I'm just so.
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  Speaker 1: Offended by this. It's not right. And then there was
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  Speaker 1: just the whole movie.
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  Speaker 3: I didn't I didn't like it nearly as much as
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  Speaker 3: we did back in the nineties. But no, it's not Braveheart,
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  Speaker 3: which used to be one my favorites. Princess Bride used
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  Speaker 3: to be a favorite of mine as well.
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  Speaker 2: You're not going to guess, Okay, well you better tell
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  Speaker 2: me then.
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  Speaker 3: I don't think I could guess what you'd say, by
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  Speaker 3: the way, I reckon, you'd say Mission Impossible. You like
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  Speaker 3: Mission Impossible?
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  Speaker 2: Really, really, that's what you're gonna say my favorite movie is.
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  Speaker 1: Or you'd say one of those rom coms, like my
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  Speaker 1: best Friend's Wedding? Oh my, what would you say?
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  Speaker 4: What's your best I can't say it on the podcast.
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  Speaker 4: My parents might be listening.
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  Speaker 1: What's your favorite movie?
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  Speaker 2: Pretty Woman?
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  Speaker 3: I was close with Princess with It's got Julia robertson it.
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  Speaker 1: Come on, no, Pretty Woman? Really you like that that much?
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  Speaker 2: I really like it, I reckon. I haven't watched it
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  Speaker 2: for twenty years.
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  Speaker 1: I reckon if you watched it again now, you wouldn't
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  Speaker 1: love it as much as you have. I really if I.
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  Speaker 2: Had somebody to watch it with. But I don't know.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not going to watch Pretty Women.
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  Speaker 4: I have to watch Mission Impossible. And I thought you
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  Speaker 4: really like Fast and the Furious.
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  Speaker 1: Oh you that's the kids, not me. Come on all right.
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  Speaker 3: One of my favorite movies in the last few years,
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  Speaker 3: mister Rogers Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was a bit weird for me.
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  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I thought it was beautiful.
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  Speaker 3: For those of you who haven't seen it, I just
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  Speaker 3: think that's one of the best movies ever.
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  Speaker 1: This podcast has already gone too long, by the way,
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  Speaker 1: way too long.
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  Speaker 3: But we're just going to finish the thought because we
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  Speaker 3: wanted to be short and sweet and it's important, so
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  Speaker 3: Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.
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  Speaker 2: We can get short or sweet, but we're going to
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  Speaker 2: finish it.
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  Speaker 1: Tom Hanks is in it.
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  Speaker 3: He plays the part of mister Rodgers, this television character
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  Speaker 3: who was enormously important in the United States for about
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  Speaker 3: thirty years he had this TV show, but in Australia
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  Speaker 3: we really didn't get to see it. But mister Rodgers
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  Speaker 3: shows up touches people every single day every episode, not
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  Speaker 3: physically touching, no, no, emotionally psychologically every single episode for
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  Speaker 3: about thirty years. He sings this song it's exactly the
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  Speaker 3: same song to start the show as he walks through
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  Speaker 3: the front door of his house on set.
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  Speaker 2: Are you going to sing?
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  Speaker 1: No?
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  Speaker 3: And then he takes his jacket and shoes off and
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  Speaker 3: puts on a cardigan and his inside shoes that feel
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  Speaker 3: more comfortable, and he does it every single episode. It
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  Speaker 3: never changes. He's completely consistent. It's about order, routine, consistency, predictability, dependability.
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  Speaker 1: Do you know where I'm going there?
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  Speaker 2: Consistency matters.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: These are the hallmarks of mister Rogers's decades of success
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  Speaker 3: on the screen, and I think that they're the hallmarks
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  Speaker 3: of success in our family. And I'm not talking so
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  Speaker 3: much about discipline routine around managing behavior and bedtimes and
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  Speaker 3: chort charts and all the things that children a supposed
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  Speaker 3: to get.
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  Speaker 1: Pa.
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  Speaker 2: You are into a card again on and your slippers.
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  Speaker 3: Well, these things are important, there's no doubt about that.
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  Speaker 3: I'm talking about something else. I'm talking about being predictable
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  Speaker 3: and consistent, dependable when we listen so that our kids
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  Speaker 3: know that we're understanding them, or being predictable and consistent
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  Speaker 3: and dependable when we say that we'll be there so that.
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  Speaker 1: They can trust us that we actually will.
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  Speaker 3: I'm talking about being predictable and consistent, dependable when we
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  Speaker 3: say that we're going to do something and we actually
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  Speaker 3: do it so that we can build integrity.
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  Speaker 2: Keep our promises.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm talking about being predictable and consistent,
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  Speaker 3: dependable in the way that we treat others, so that
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  Speaker 3: we can demonstrate by example our inclusivity. I'm talking about
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  Speaker 3: the predictable, consistent, dependable reality of saying I love you
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  Speaker 3: to our kids so they feel secure.
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  Speaker 1: And they know that they matter.
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  Speaker 2: You know, we had a child the other day.
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  Speaker 4: She had a conversation and told us that we have
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  Speaker 4: not been consistent enough in teaching her hygiene.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. I couldn't believe that. It's like we tell you,
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  Speaker 1: she said.
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  Speaker 2: You've been really good at teaching me how to love
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  Speaker 2: people and be kind. She said, but I don't think
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  Speaker 2: you've done a really good job at hygiene.
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  Speaker 4: I said, Oh, so those conversations we had every day
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  Speaker 4: about brushing your teeth morning and night.
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  Speaker 1: Go and have a shower for the fiftieth time.
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  Speaker 2: She didn't have much to say after that, did she?
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  Speaker 3: She was like, well, I shower three times a week.
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  Speaker 3: They know, do better. We have been teaching you this
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  Speaker 3: for years.
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  Speaker 1: Anyway.
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  Speaker 3: There's a book called How a Mighty Fall by Jim Collins,
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  Speaker 3: and he says, and I quote the signature of mediocrity
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  Speaker 3: is chronic inconsistency.
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  Speaker 2: We don't want that.
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  Speaker 3: No, So school holidays are almost over for most people
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  Speaker 3: around Australia, and who knows wherever else you might be
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  Speaker 3: in the world, maybe you're finishing your school holidays as well.
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  Speaker 1: And I think that we need a challenge around being consistent.
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  Speaker 4: So I think that we need to get clear about
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  Speaker 4: what we need to be consistent about moving into term
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  Speaker 4: three and make a plan.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, sit down with the kids and work out how
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  Speaker 3: you're going to be consistent. Week one is where it
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  Speaker 3: all starts. Get the routines right.
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  Speaker 2: Do you know what?
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  Speaker 4: I'm going to pull you up there? Because week one
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  Speaker 4: is not where it starts. It actually needs to start
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  Speaker 4: before week.
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  Speaker 3: Well, that's right, it kind of starts now and the
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  Speaker 3: days leading up to week one yep. Just like your
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  Speaker 3: morning starts the night before, week one starts the week before.
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  Speaker 3: So the challenge is get your house in order, get
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  Speaker 3: ready for school to go back, and make sure you
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  Speaker 3: can start in a stress free, easy going manner. Sound good,
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  Speaker 3: Let's do it, okay, and be consistent as well in
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  Speaker 3: the way you show your kids you love them. The
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  Speaker 3: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rulin from Bridge
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  Speaker 3: Media and Craig Bruce is our executive producer. If you
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  Speaker 3: want more info about how to make your family happier,
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  Speaker 3: you can find it all at happy families dot com
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  Speaker 3: dot au. And sorry for talking so long in this one.
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  Speaker 3: I know we said short and sweet. We've been pretty good.
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  Speaker 3: We've been pretty short and pretty sweet, but this one's
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  Speaker 3: gone a bit. I'm forgive us. Next time, we'll be
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  Speaker 3: short this sweet again.
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  Speaker 1: Our promise.
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  Speaker 4: Mm hmm