Latest / TWRS-Leadership Straight, No Chaser / How Self-Belief Creates Better Leaders
Transcript
- Scott: Concepts of self-worth, self-belief. If you don't have self-worth, then where's your self-belief? Welcome back to Together We Are Stronger Leadership Straight No Chasers. And today we have ⁓ Amy Lenius on with us. And Amy, when you kind of look at your journey, what was it really that that bottom point for you that really highlighted the the self-worth piece, the self-belief piece, the consistency piece as Kind of the gears that a lot of people miss. ⁓ so what was that for you that was kind of that rock bottom point that you're like, this is something that a lot of people are missing out on? Amy Lenius: If I have a rock bottom point that like connects all three. Initially, I think what built my self-belief that came from a rock bottom point for sure. If I wanna if we wanna start there, I think it was being really sick. I grew up really chronically ill and I went along with the system of there's nothing we can do for you except for put all of these band-aids on for you, and those band-aids might make you feel even even worse, but it's all we can do for you. And I was in that system for years and years and years. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: And then I had this moment, that rock bottom moment, if you want to define it that way, that was just like, I want something different. I'm already so sick, anyways. I'm already dealing with chronic illness and pain and inflammation, and now I'm dealing with all of these medications and procedures that are not helping. They're actually making me worse. So what if I just went off of everything and tried to start from scratch and build up just honestly curiosity? And follow that curiosity and see where I can go with that. And years of following that, years of compounding just different modalities, different practices, different habits within my home, within my health, and sort of things, that built a huge level of self-belief in me. And again, I didn't know that at the time. This is all hindsight 2020. When we look back on things with terms and and understandings and psychological understandings that I have now, I can see where my high self-belief came from. When I first partnered with NLU, Next Level University, they always told Well, you have very high self-belief. And to define self-belief, it's a simplistic, simplistic wording for self-efficacy. It's what you believe you're capable of achieving over time. It's you doing things over and over and over again and building enough proof that you can get results in the external world. It doesn't mean you always know how to do everything, but it does mean you feel you are capable of asking. The right questions of learning something and implement what you learn. And when I look back on the definition of self-belief and where that was built in me, I do think it was those moments of being really, really sick and just taking that turn from being the passenger in my house journey to the driver and just doing things over a bunch of years, a bunch of unsexy fundamentals compounded over years. I think that's what built my self-belief. And then later on in these last five years I would say that's when I started noticing the difference between the self worth and things. Scott: Mm. So it's an interesting thing because I think a lot of leaders, a lot of business owners, we get stuck on, okay, it's not working, something's not happening, and then it's those questions that compound, which you had highlighted the curiosity piece, the questions aspect. And the one thing a lot of people overlook is the the power of the questions that you ask. Because your brain is a problem solving machine. George R Dovolis: Hmm. Scott: But a lot of us don't take the time to stop and say, okay, what are the questions that I'm asking? It's like we're on self-automation with the driving aspect of these are the questions that I'm used to asking. And I don't stop because that's something that you had talked about was actually stopping a little bit. And so a lot of people don't do that. And so what would be the thing in regards to really being in the moment? George R Dovolis: Uh-huh. Scott: Focusing on the questions that you're asking because if you don't stop that, then your brain's gonna go find answers and say, Hey, here's your answers for the questions. What would be something that people are missing when it comes to stopping and actually being in the moment and being present? Amy Lenius: I think it is just that. I think it is giving yourself permission to stop and assess more regularly, probably than you think you even need to. Assessing where you're at, where you want to be, and if you're on track for that is such a valuable skill to develop. That's why I love goal setting. And I didn't used to think of it that way, but when you set a goal, all of a sudden everything in your life, persons, places, things, ideas, belief, everything is for or against the goal. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: It gives you such an incredible filter. But if you're not pausing and assessing that regularly, how close am I to the goal? What persons, places, things, ideas, belief are against the goal right now? What's keeping me safe? What's keeping me from the goal? If you're not having those little moments of assessment, then you're missing out on a key piece that's gonna help you. We always say input, output, measure, adjust. Like what's the input that you're doing? What output is that getting you? Measure it. Is it in the right direction and adjust when you need to and you can't do that without a s a heavy amount of consistent awareness. George R Dovolis: Love it. You know, you talk about all the d personal development. When it comes down the personal definition of success change over the past nine years, what what can you say? Over those nine years, what really hits you ⁓ what you're trying to do and accomplish? Amy Lenius: Hmm, success. I think what's really been a through line of success for me for the last, I mean, ten plus years even, but really more so now with the work that I get to do now versus what I was doing before, I really look at fulfillment. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: To me, fulfillment is such a great word to assess your your holistic life, right? It's not just about monetary success. It's about health, it's about wealth, it's about quality of life, it's about love, not only for yourself, but for others and the relationships that you're in. And when those are all thriving and doing really well, you're more fulfilled than if just one is. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Amy Lenius: And there's always seasons where one's getting more attention than the other. That's okay. That's normal. You're cycling in between seasons of where your focus is for sure. But it's that. I I have a more holistic view of what success really means. And I deeply believe in if you are fulfilled, because fulfilled is a is deeper than happy. Fulfilled is deeper than than a lot of the superficial descriptions, right? It's this deeper meaning. It doesn't mean that everything's easy in sunshine and rainbows. Fulfillment actually comes from a lot of hard work. George R Dovolis: Very interesting. Mm-hmm. Yes. Amy Lenius: And so I think fulfillment is a really good descriptive word for that. George R Dovolis: Another word would be peace. Just to have peace internally. You know, many people look at success from the outside, but really feel empty internally. And we just talked about that. Why does that happen when you have people have that success that just like they just they still feel lost, even though they're having great things happening to them. Amy Lenius: Well, I mean you said it, it's it's external versus internal. It's a be ⁓ being able to assess those. It is. We can take it back to that self-belief and self-worth. If you're if you have high self-belief and you have high self-worth, you are more at center. You're more at peace because you believe not only in your own worth, but you believe you have the control of an outcome as well, which keeps you very confident in your competency. When the when the shores or the the sea gets rocky George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: Like you feel like you have control over the outcome. That's it's not saying that your life doesn't have trials and tribulations. Life is busy, life is hard, life has all sorts of challenges. You being at peace doesn't mean you don't have those challenges anymore. It means you're more certain in yourself to work your way through them and come out the other side in the direction and in in the way and in the person that you want to be. And that can come from building self belief, can come from building self worth. So self belief is that external I can create the George R Dovolis: Yeah. Mm. Yes. Yes. Amy Lenius: results. Self-worth is the internal. It's I'm worthy of these results. I'm worthy of having the standards it's going to take to get there. I am worthy of high-level relationships. Low self-worth really shows up in relationships, who you spend your time with, who you allow to speak into your life. It shows up in lack of boundaries, not being able to invest in yourself, struggling with comparison, struggling to keep the promises you make to yourself for certain reasons. That's where self-worth comes in. George R Dovolis: Mm. Amy Lenius: And when you have two of those rocking and rolling, it's an entirely different game. So I came into this field with high self belief, really high self-efficacy. I can I can get shit done. Low self-worth. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: Really struggled to have boundaries. In fact, my the way I'm wired, I didn't even know what those were. Some of us are so wired for success with boundaries. I was like, what's that? We can do that? No way. ⁓ my gosh. You can say no. What? My low self-worth came in a lot of people pleasing, a lack of social courage, never wanting to show up excellent, wanting to dim, appease. And so I had to learn a lot of social courage, self-worth, self-respect, and have a lot of filters and really high. High-level questions. You said questions earlier. We can even bring that in. Asking yourself high-level questions regularly. ⁓ my gosh, does that dictate so much in you? It really does. So I gave you one earlier. Is this for or against the goal? Is this for against the outcome that I want to have? The person that I want to become. One of my deepest, and I don't I don't usually recommend people start with this question. If you're just on a journey of self-worth and and things, there's there's easier questions. George R Dovolis: Mm. Yes. Amy Lenius: questions that you can ask yourself, but one that has just been an absolute banger for me, honestly, for the last couple years, is is this blank person-place thing I do believe does it increase or decrease my self-respect? And it's a tough question because it's rarely the easy answer. Scott: Mm. George R Dovolis: I love it. You know, you described the self worth, the self belief. And I think consistency is those the three gears that really just continuing, you know, have those gears to move forward in success. But a lot of times those three individuals, you know, self-belief, self what did you put, self-worth, and then a consistency, man, putting those all together, it's it's a lot of work. And especially you have to have you gotta have truly belief in yourself that you can get things done. I love how you put it out there. Amy Lenius: Yeah, self-belief, if you had to pick one of the three to really focus on and which one is like a heavy through line of success and success principles, it is starting with self-belief. Even to be consistent, you have to believe in the thing and yourself to be consistent within it. Self-belief is sprinkled in the other two. A huge part of self worth is keeping the promises you make to yourself. But that is basically action. That's self-belief in its own way. George R Dovolis: Yes. Mm-hmm. I love it. Amy Lenius: Consistency to start off being consistent, you need to have belief. You need to have belief in the thing, you need to have belief in yourself. And a lot of people don't assess that first, so they don't create a sustainable habit, which shatters their self-belief over time because they're going from zero to ten, can't sustain it, go back to zero or even less, hitting the negative, and they blame themselves or the thing. When in reality they just didn't go through enough layers of awareness to set themselves. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: Yeah. So belief in action, external, that's self-belief. But there's also three layers of internal belief that you can help that can help you assess whether you're going to be consistent in something and your belief in anything really. And it's another just really great, three great questions. Do I believe it's possible? Is this thing I'm trying to achieve, this habit I want to do every day, do I believe it's possible? Have I seen it modeled out in the world? Typically that's a yes. The next question is, do I believe it's possible for me? Those are two different answers very often. Do I believe it's possible for me to do this thing? And if you have high self-belief, the answer is yes. It's yes. Where other people if you have low self-belief, the answer is typically no. So those are two different languages. We all fall in one of those buckets and it's a spectrum for sure. And then the last question is, is it going to be worth it? George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm. Amy Lenius: Because all goals, all identity builds, all things, they all they all need sacrifice, genuinely. They need change. And a lot of us, especially people with low self-worth who might struggle socially, we know that there's social implications that we try to tell ourselves are not worth it to achieve the goal. So if you can assess those three layers successfully in yourself, you can create a ⁓ a A more sustainable roadway for you to be consistent at Scott: Mm. So it's interesting because you had talked about looking at your inputs, looking at the outputs that are coming along, measuring those and adjusting those. So I want to highlight one of our partners, Dr. Joey. And as a business owner, if you're stuck with revenue of a hundred and fifty thousand to three million and you're like, I need to make more revenue because the more revenue I have, the more impact I can create, but I just don't know what I'm what to do to overcome that. Like Amy had highlighted Those are the things to look at. Dr. Joey really goes deep on that with you. Really, that's his focus, helping your team out because the more revenue that comes in, the better off you're gonna be as a business to impact the world and the clients that you need to work with. So if that's something that you're stuck with, reach out to Dr. Joey. There will be a link in the show notes. You can schedule your time, your call with them, and see if it's a fit. So it the interesting thing because the question aspects. ⁓ you had talked about George R Dovolis: Yeah. Scott: Higher level higher level questions. And so I've never thought of that before. ⁓ we know about the questions piece, but what really is the differentiation between like a lower level question, maybe a mid level question, and those high level questions that people need to look at and really dive into. But you also stated too though that if you're starting These higher level questions may not be advantageous because there's things that you're having to work through. ⁓ but when somebody was to look at that and say, Okay, am I really operating at a high level, what is it that's gonna let them know, yes, this is the ideal question to work with, to ask myself, to really push forward for whatever I'm trying to accomplish? Amy Lenius: It's a really high self-awareness piece too, because a lot of us want to be able to say, ⁓ of course I can ask myself that question and it'd be okay. When in reality, if it's hitting you in even like the subconscious and unconscious, if it's hitting you in a very loud way. How can I say this? So if you have low self-belief, your narrative is I actually can't do things. I'm not competent enough, I'm not capable enough, I'm not valuable enough as an individual. I am more valuable if I find someone to partner with. Like you don't believe you are competent and capable enough. And so when you ask yourself questions like that, your underlying narrative does not go well with that. You are going to actually reaffirm your beliefs that you're not competent and capable enough because you're trying to go from zero to ten instead of from zero to one. And so with low self-belief, and this is actually a really important piece for anyone who's listening who works with people, who works with other people, it's so important to know that your language is not the language for others. Your thing is not the thing for others. The way I speak to low self-belief people versus the way I speak to high self-belief people is an entirely different language. And the self-respect question, it helps to have high self-belief, to be able to answer that question. It helps George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Yes. Amy Lenius: when you ask yourself, Kay, you again there's those higher level questions that the narrative in the back of your mind isn't saying no. No you can't. Affirmations are a really good example of this too. Not even just questions, but people always say affirmations can change your life. If you look in the mirror and say, I am so successful, I'm so beautiful, I'm so smart, I'm amazing. If your underlying narrative is not those, it's gonna yell so loud back at you, No, you're not. No, you're not. And so affirmations don't work for everybody. A great way to shift affirmations. And questions and things is we want to make sure that action comes into play, but also conscious language. So I am becoming is a really great way to switch an affirmation. Not I am, because your voice in your head is like, no, you're not. I am becoming someone who George R Dovolis: Yeah. Amy Lenius: I am becoming someone who loves myself. I am becoming someone who is wealthier, healthier, more in love, whatever that is. And then you need to have action to back that up. So your brain actually says, ⁓ yeah, we have evidence that proves that you are becoming this. George R Dovolis: Okay. Amy Lenius: That's a deeper layer of an actual psychological hack that's gonna really support someone and really help someone versus just telling someone, no, just go stand in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are and how amazing and how successful you are. A huge majority of the population looks at you and is like, No Or what's really sad is they'll do it and they'll say, See, something's wrong with me. Something's wrong with me because it's not working. George R Dovolis: Exactly. Yes. Amy Lenius: When in reality someone just gave you the wrong tool and questions are very much like that. But it can just you just practice. Practice. What would the best version of myself do in this moment? Or Scott: Mm. George R Dovolis: Mm. Amy Lenius: What would tomorrow me be thankful for that I did today? When you're staring at that pile of dishes, are you constantly are you consciously asking yourself, what's what is tomorrow me gonna be grateful for versus me now? And sometimes here's the thing: I will still be like, nope, you know what, that's that's tomorrow Amy's problem. But I'm consciously making that choice instead of unconsciously making that choice. Intention matters, consciousness matters, and when you bring the intention and the conscientiousness into the questions. It's so helpful. George R Dovolis: I love it. You know, it's it's crazy. I'm I'm I'm looking at all my questions and I think you answered like four of them already. I went through my list and listening to you and like, well, there goes four questions. I can't even answer because you already you nailed it. You know, going through when pe you're dealing with people that have struggles. ⁓ where do you believe, you know, the most struggles come with in individuals with self-work? Where does that really begin from? You know, when you're digging into someone and you're trying to find that solution because you do work with a lot of women and the self-belief and everything else, how do you get someone how do you get somebody to really just open up and you really find out where that that ⁓ pinpoint is and why they don't believe in themselves? Amy Lenius: Yeah, so where it started. Typically it's actually really hard to find because some of these beliefs happen like when we first become self aware, conscientiously like at the age of two, between the ages of two and seven. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: Like those are really formative years. And some of us, including myself, can't go back that far. I don't have like pinpoint traumatic memories, which I'm very grateful to say actually. I grew up in a beautiful home. My parents are amazing. Like I all of my stuff doesn't come from my household. Some of them do. There's a little bit of limiting beliefs, a little bit of things, but nothing like traumatic and terrible. And so one, I'm really grateful to be able to say that. And two, there's there's not always this major pinpoint moment. It could just it could been experienced. George R Dovolis: Mm. No. Amy Lenius: Experiences through school socially, there's so many little things, and for some people, it is important for them to know what that root cause is. Definitely. Therapy is amazing for that. People who are trauma-informed are amazing for that. I have this wonderful woman I always refer out to for moments like that when you can tell that the root is just so deep. It's like there's something here that is going to just open you up if we can get this one. But in the meantime, while we're working with people like that, it's like where is it showing up in your life right now? George R Dovolis: Mm. Yeah. Amy Lenius: Yeah. Where's low self-worth showing up in your life right now? Where can we assess those moments so that you can see it when it shows up? Because it's always you don't notice it until you notice it. And then once you notice it, you can't unsee it. And that's where change begins to happen. You can't change something you don't know is there. So we bring self-awareness to where is low self-belief showing up in your life? Where are you not taking action because you don't believe in yourself? Because you don't have enough proof that you can do something. So then all we do is just focus on action. We building self-belief is three simple steps. It's state-proof self-assign. It's not always easy, but it's you say you're gonna do something, you get it done, and then you acknowledge, you acknowledge that you get it done. You have the moment of, hey, I did the thing I said I was gonna do. For some people, that's quite the little celebration. For people like me, I'm a very subtle being. I like to just have my moment of nice, I did the thing, nice, and then I move on. George R Dovolis: Yeah. Amy Lenius: The more you can run that pattern of action showing yourself that you can get stuff done, the more belief you're gonna have. Self worth. Self-worth is is is deeper. I almost find that for a lot of people it's it's harder to work on because it's very inward, it's very emotional. We're attached to relationships, we're attached to deep, very not nice narratives about ourselves and our worth and what we are worthy of having and doing and being and achieving and and receiving is a big one. And so when we see low self-worth, we do see it an a lot in people pleasing, in dimming. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. So Amy Lenius: For the sake of making others comfortable. For some, it shows up as inflating because they themselves don't feel like they're enough, so they'll inflate and pretend that they're more than they actually are. For a lot of us, it's dimming. You pretend that you're less than you actually are. It depends on your there's a lot of dependencies. There's those are two buckets that you can also put people in. But it looks like I don't feel worthy of investing time into myself, let alone money, but time even. And we just break it down to a day-to-day thing because it's nice to be able to say, ⁓ well, you should absolutely invest in yourself. Take yourself to the spa for the weekend, go on this women's retreat. That's not one feasible for everybody. Two, it's typically just this this high, and it doesn't actually adjust your internal identity, your internal thermostat setting. It just brings it up for a little bit and then you go right back to where you were. The magic is in the day-to-day. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm. Yes. Amy Lenius: That's where we look at it. We look at where is this showing up in the day-to-day and what can you can you be doing that is going to leverage the compound effect and accumulate over time every day? So, no, I don't need you to invest in yourself in this big monetary weekend getaway thing. What are you doing every day? What's something you're doing every day that shows you that you matter, show you that you care about you, that you are worthy of taking care of, that you are worthy of having an extra moment of. And what does that look like? And for everyone, that's very individual. Right. George R Dovolis: Mm. Yes. Yes. That was that was a great point. Scott: So if you're getting ⁓ if you're getting nuggets from this video, hit the like button. If you're looking for these types of videos, hit the subscribe button. And I think the biggest driving factor right now is if you're stuck and you're not moving, you've got to look at the questions that you're asking yourself. Because the questions that you ask, your brain's gonna go find those answers and it's going to give you here you go. And then like Amy has highlighted, like if you're not looking at that day-to-day action and you're not being in the moment. then are you really wanting to change or are you enjoying being stuck, enjoying your comfort zone. So but the it was very interesting, Amy, you had highlighted that growth is not about pushing harder. It's about understanding self and choosing differently. And it's very unique because we see a lot of people are like, ⁓ I need ⁓ I need to put more, I need to do more, I need to do XYZ but it's the fact that that's kind of that push mechanism. And so I think you've highlighted it's that day to day aspect for you as an individual. But when we look at that really how can people catch themselves from am I pushing or am I doing something that isn't going to be as pushing per se, but it's going to help me out and it's going to be a lot simpler. Because I think a lot of people we want it to be more complex. Like if it's simple, it doesn't work. ⁓ so what is it that somebody can be mindful about and really make sure that it's not a pushing mechanism and it's not doing them any justice, but it's something that's really gonna set them up and help them move forward. Amy Lenius: ⁓ great question. There's so many little things in there. One, we d we don't give simplicity enough credit anymore because everything we see out there is flashy and exciting and and what's really All the foundational principles of success, like the science behind achievement, it's a lot of unsexy fundamentals just applied every day. And people wanna hear, no no, no, but how can I become a millionaire by next Tuesday? I was told online that if I do this weekend course, I can become a millionaire. I can also have abs by Sunday. Did you know? I can do all of those things according to the internet. George R Dovolis: Hmm. Amy Lenius: Nope. Like I just I don't Right. Yeah, me too. But it's just it's just not. Yep. George R Dovolis: You know, I like to know that Throw hair over the weekend if you just sprinkle, you know. Amy Lenius: You know, you look at people who are considered overnight successes, but when you dive into the career and you look at what they have been doing for the last decade, you actually see what you actually see what it took. And so I think so, I mean, next level university, that's what we are. We're we're the day-to-day on sexy fundamentals and and leveraging the compound effect over time and making it simple enough that you can do it every day. And it's not flashy. Our social media kinda sucks. It's not flashy. But George R Dovolis: Yeah. I love it. Amy Lenius: We have results. We have results, not only ourselves, but we work with so many incredible people who also have results because they're allowing simplicity into their life. And when you talked about pushing, there are some days where it feels like you have to push. That's okay. Some days it feels like that push energy, but if you're pushing in the right direction, I see so many people fighting so hard for things that don't actually matter. That's when it sucks. When you're pushing so hard for the busy aspect of your George R Dovolis: Yeah. Amy Lenius: Your life that's not actually getting you anywhere. That's where the awareness needs to come in, the acceptance needs to come in. We need to have acceptance around: hey, I've been working really hard for nothing. It's not doing what I needed to do. It was for perception. It was because I think I had to. It was because, again, every reason is very, very different. But When you are pushing so hard to be busy, I mean busy is such a status symbol right now and has been for a really long time. You ask someone, well, how was your weekend? How are the kids? How is this? ⁓ we're so busy. Busy. ⁓ my gosh, my weekend was so busy. It's like doing what? Amazing for you. If it was busyness that is so aligned that you had such a weekend that moved you towards your goals. Amazing. I love that for you. But that is so rare. George R Dovolis: No. Amy Lenius: It's so rare. So people you see they're pushing really hard for something that's not going to move the needle and that sucks. It's just busy work. So again, the questions, how clear are you on your goals and what it takes? And how can you reverse engineer that into the little things that don't feel fun every day but are guaranteed to compound over time? And I think a really like great place to start to see if you're pushing for something that is aligned versus not is understanding what your core values are. George R Dovolis: Hmm. Amy Lenius: If you understand what your core values are and you learn to live within those and stop fighting for things that are outside of them, your whole life changes. It really does. And it's a simple practice. You go online, look up a core value list. Brene Brown has a great one. Look up Brene Brown core value list. And just start highlighting the ones that you like, the ones that resonate with you, the ones that feel like they're a part of your soul. And you're gonna have a lot. If you're anything like me, especially women, we're very spectral. We we like to love a lot of things. You ask us what our favorite color is, it's like, well, of what? I love all the colors. It depends on the thing. If it's clothes, it's black. If it's in nature, it's green. Like we're very spectral thinkers. And so for me, I highlighted at least 30. It's like, yep. Okay, we don't want 30. That's too hard. That's too hard to remember every day. Is this in alignment with this? So start categorizing them because of those 30, there are groups that start to happen. And if you can get it down to three to five, that's an amazing list to have. Three to five core value lists where you can start to see. And once you know them, so mine are freedom, love, growth. If I had to pick a fourth, it's integrity. And when I look back on my life now with that lens, hindsight being 2020, again, I can see where things that sounded like they were a great idea and should have been fulfilling to me and feel good in my life, didn't. ⁓ it was because it wasn't in the freedom bucket the way I view freedom. George R Dovolis: Mm. Amy Lenius: Okay. ⁓ my gosh. Like because I would I would think ⁓ my gosh, there's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with the thing. It's like, no, it just didn't align with me as an individual. It was great for Susan and her family. Why wasn't it great for me? We have different core values. And you can see mine everywhere. I homeschool my kids, I work from home and make my own hours within a company that I am an intrapreneur in instead of an entrepreneur, because that to me actually gives me more freedom in this season of life where I have guidance but yet freedom within it. Right? We have chickens, I live out in the country. Like there's so many things that make my life feel so fulfilling that you can see is in that freedom bucket for sure. And so if you can understand your core values, start living your life through that lens, it's going to and fight push. Push for those things. Double down on those things. Delete the things that are not within those and start seeing how your life actually feels. And that's it's so much harder than it sounds. It really is. Because if you have out out external pressure, like I can't tell you how many looks I've gotten for my decisions over the years. Definitely. ⁓ what you're gonna homeschool your kids? That's a look. ⁓ you're gonna pick up and move across the country. We did that four years ago. What? Like so many things. You're gonna get looks, it's gonna ruffle some feathers. Scott: Mm. Amy Lenius: But the more again that internal peace, because you believe in yourself, you believe in it's worth it. That that George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Scott: ⁓ so I was gonna say that's yeah, no, well it's in alignment too with ⁓ our other power partner ADP. Really like are you pushing on things that as a business owner doesn't align with you as an individual? So that's where it's like the payroll, the HR, the compliance piece. As a business owner, that's probably not someone that you flourish in. So you start your business for other reasons. And so if you're pushing those things that don't align with you and it's burning you out, it's making you struggle. George R Dovolis: That is I mean, that's that's amazing. Yes. Scott: You gotta reach out to ADP. That's their focus with small business owners, helping focus on the back end stuff. So that way you can focus on your zone of genius. And if it's one that that's something that you need to discuss, I thought I had my phone off. So ⁓ reach out. There'll be a link in the show notes, have a call with them. ⁓ but it's it's very interesting because when we look at that, because you had talked about there's times that you might have to push a little bit, Amy. And that's kind of the cyclical piece that you had talked about. George R Dovolis: Ha ha. Scott: ⁓ with the nature of yourself, the cyclical pull piece. You've highlighted that a little bit. And when you talk about that cyclical piece for you as an individual, what does that look like? Like as the four thousand foot overview, because as humans we're all different. And so it's the fact that what is cyclical for one person isn't gonna be for this person, but there is a foundational piece that's really you wanna be aware about. And so when it comes to that nature aspect for an individual, what is that kind of foundational piece of build upon? But again, it's gonna be different for everyone when it comes to building it out to the bigger structure. Amy Lenius: Absolutely. So there's two there's two ways I like to talk about this. I feel like for this episode it makes more sense to talk about honoring like the season that you are in specifically as an individual. So I'm gonna use me again as an example, but I want you guys to put yourselves in your own and listeners into yourself. So right now I am in a season of building a foundation of my career, but I'm not putting all of my eggs in that basket. And not the even the eggs George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: My flag is planted in this career, but my time, energy, and effort is more distributed to my children. I have young children at home. I homeschool them. I am in the season, that is my season, and that is a short season in the grand scheme of things and lifespan. It's a short season, so I'm making sure I'm honoring the season I'm in while still honoring the goals that I have professionally and personally. But they have to work within the day around me and my children, around the life that we have, around the quality of life that we have day to day, around their schooling, around the adventures and things. And I put my career into that and I put my my self-care and and all of those things into that. Now I shouldn't say that my self-care comes second. It doesn't, that comes first, because I can't show up as a good mother or even in a career if I'm not taking care of myself. But the season that I am in is not working as much as I possibly can. I am working Working to create an incredible foundation so that as my kids need me less, I can work more. That's the season I'm in right now. It's also honoring the season of I mean I mean, kids have school and then they don't. If your kids are in school, like your summers look different than your falls if your kids have that kind of schedule. How can you so I was working with a woman yesterday, she wants to get her certificate in ⁓ George R Dovolis: Hmm. Yeah. Amy Lenius: online safety and different things. And right now her schedule for doing that actually looks less Than when the kids go back to school in September. We're not gonna take our foot off the gas, but we're gonna honor the season that she is in and that her household is in, and lessen the time she spends on it without losing the momentum and stopping it completely. It's really, really important to set yourself up for success for your habits, for your goals, for yes, the future that you want. You want those habits to reflect the future that you want, but the habits need to fit in the life that you have right now. And we talked about in the beginning assessing what like that looks like, taking a pause to have an assessment of what does that mean right now. And the more regularly you do that, the more you're not missing opportunity as as the the seasons of your life naturally change. Now, most of the time when I'm talking about this, I am talking about internal seasons though. That's an external example. I am talking about internal seasons, how men and women are very, very different. George R Dovolis: No. Amy Lenius: Women, when we are working in something that we are trying to be consistent at, we're working at goals, habits, things, it's a very masculine thing to be consistent every day. It really is. Because when we zoom out, you said take out that that really 4,000 foot look or whatever you said, zoom out. You guys are like the sun. Hormonally. We all have different energies every day. We got if you got a bad sleep, then you're, you know, not feeling your best, things like that. I'm not take that out of it. You're like the sun. You cycle on a 24-hour clock every day hormonally. Yeah. Women cycle that full cycle stretched out over 24 to 26 to 34 days. It depends. Twenty-six to thirty-four days is like the the branch. But we're like the moon. We're slightly different every day, and we are absolutely drastically, noticely di noticeably different every week. And so there are weeks where we are hormonally, mentally, emotionally, physically set up to be consistent, articulate, more social, more energetic, more front-facing. And then there are a couple weeks in there where we are the opposite. We are more wired for organization, for environment assessment and internal reflection and less energy. And so when you look at women, even just like in our fitness, let's say, we have a lot of of fitness focus at NLU. We have a fitness accountability group, we do challenges, and it's a space of accepting all fitness levels for one and all abilities and consistencies, but it's case. You can see the women showing up in there. This is, I'm on my cycle right now. So I am actually not deadlifting this much today. We're doing this today. I'm not doing this today. We're doing this today. And I keep showing up as an example for that because women's just physiologically so, so different. And so women struggle with, ⁓ my gosh, Amy, last week I was crushing my workouts, absolutely crushing my dietary goals, my macros, my this. This week, I feel like a potato. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: And I don't want to do my workouts. And the fridge is staring at me constantly aggressively. It's like that's not a you problem. It's a you awareness that you need to have because nature is against you right now. And as so many women go into shame about that, about how they crush it in the first half of their cycle, and they really struggle in the second half. George R Dovolis: ⁓ Yeah. Amy Lenius: And it's just because they're set up differently. So the more awareness you can have around that, the more grace you can give yourselves. And again, honoring the season you're in with this is the part of my cycle I'm in. So I'm not gonna let my foot off the gas. I'm just gonna adjust what that looks like. Scott: Hm. I think that's that's huge. It's that awareness piece and just honoring you as a person. ⁓ because I think a lot of times we lose ourselves as an individual because outside pressures, the thoughts, the beliefs that we have that somebody else gave to us that we have not given up. And so part of this is just honoring where you're at, but also making sure you're taking the action, but the action's gonna look different. And so it's not harping on yourself because the action right now is not what it you thought it should be, but it's being mindful about who you are, where you're at at that time, and then just moving along with it instead of fighting it. So that's kind of w as I listen in here on that one is just the the honoring yourself as an individual. Amy Lenius: Hmm, that's a really beautiful part of self worth too, is you learn to compare against yourself. It's you against you. Whereas if you struggle with low self worth, you're constantly looking at others and you're not even giving yourself the grace of this person has an entirely different life than I do and started at a different time than I did. It would be like you guys as podcasters trying to compare your tenth episode to I mean, the guys, they're just about at twenty five hundred. So the the company that I partner with Scott: Hm. Amy Lenius: started as a podcast. Next level university started as a podcast. They're twenty five hundred episodes in. They're nine and a half years in. And they do it this is a seven day a week podcast now. That's like podcasters looking at their 2500 episode and comparing it to their 10th and being like, ⁓ I suck. No, go back to their tenth episode. They suck. In fact, they probably suck worse than you because they had less tools back then nine years ago. You probably are doing better than them than when they started. They just have time. And George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: No one is giving themselves those little grace filters. It's like me comparing my fitness journey to a woman in her twenties who doesn't have kids and has a gym in her basement versus pushing forty, couple kids at home, no gym even in my town, I work out from home. It's not the same game. Not the same game. George R Dovolis: Mm. No. Amy Lenius: I should be looking at someone who is ahead of me. Maybe she's in her 40s. She does home workouts and she is killing it. She's very strong, very lively, and I can be inspired by that. That's who I want to be paying attention to. You can use comparison for inspiration, absolutely. But if you're not comparing apples to apples, you're doing yourself a disservice, and that's a low self-worth move. Scott: Nice. George R Dovolis: Love it. For people who are listening right now and they feel disconnected, exhausted, unsure who they are becoming, what would be honestly the first step you would say into to encourage them to take? Amy Lenius: ⁓ I think what we started with, that pause. Are you gonna give yourself enough grace and permission to pause and actually assess what you want, who you are? And if you don't know those questions, give yourself permission to get curious. And give yourself time to discover what that is. There is so much work that that not only I have had to do, but I do with a lot of people where it's about, okay, well, who are you actually? And a lot of that takes curiosity because it's just about as as much of discovering who you're not, things you don't like, the things you don't appreciate, the things you don't value, and the things that you do. And that's a discovery phase. It really is. And a lot of us are not given enough permission to even take the time to do that. I'm not saying pause. No, it takes moments, minutes. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Amy Lenius: To really start to learn who you are, what you value, the life you want to build. And that takes a lot of self-awareness. And I think that's a great place to start. How much more can you learn about you? Self-awareness is a superpower. If you know things about yourself, like your core values, like the person you want to become, the things that you value, who do you respect in this world versus who you don't, that you can actually model versus there's so much, so much there that just the more you understand you, your triggers, where you, you know. give up versus when you excel versus when all of those things are gonna help you achieve the life that you wanna have and become the person that you wanna be. And it takes time and it takes effort to to put that to put that into yourself, but it is worth it. George R Dovolis: Yes it is. One thing I will have to ask is this. When you know when the when it's time, what do you want your legacy to look like for your friends, your family, your business, and the people that you touch throughout the years? Amy Lenius: Legacy. ⁓ my goodness. I instantly go to Alan. That's so funny because he's our legacy-based guy. He lives for legacy. He's thinking like past his lifetime kind of legacy. I'm like always like, wow, what a superpower you have to be able to think that far ahead. For me, I think if I had to choose anything, it would be just how can I empower as many people with information that is gonna help them change their life. George R Dovolis: ⁓ Mm, yes. Amy Lenius: as possible. How many people can I touch in that way? And I think that's something really beautiful about leading other leaders is when you lead another leader, and leadership is very subjective. You can be a leadership in a home or in a company. You are affecting all the people that they affect as well. Right? And so I look at it like that, this domino effect of the more people that I can empower with information that's actually going to change their life, the better the world's going to be. George R Dovolis: Love it. Love it. Scott: So Amy, if ⁓ individuals wanted to go deeper, on a deeper basis, connection basis, whatnot, where that where would that be for individuals to be able to deepen that relationship with the information that you provide, that insight that you provide? Amy Lenius: I mean simple being genuinely you can message me at amyleneus on Instagram or Facebook anytime if you loved any of this conversation and want to talk about it I would love to talk to you. I love having conversations about self-awareness, growth, goals, self-respect. I mean health, wealth, and love, all of those things create a fulfilling and holistic, successful life. And I deeply believe in my capabilities to have conversations that can help you increase in those areas. And so you can reach out anytime. Scott: Awesome. Yeah, we'll put that in the show notes so that way it's easy for people to ⁓ locate that. But at the end of the day, really, if you're listening to this and you're you've you're like, ⁓ man, I'm stuck. I I don't know what I'm doing. Really it's that question right there. I don't know what I'm doing. You've got to ask yourself what are the questions that you're asking, and then kind of say, Okay, how can I adjust that? So that way you can get unstuck. But you also have to look at the individuals that you're surrounding with yourself with the environment. George R Dovolis: Mm. Scott: The things that you're listening to. And so like Amy had highlighted, they have the next level university piece. So that's a community. ⁓ and George and I are always open to have the conversation, build the community with other individuals. So if you're trying to do this by yourself, you're that's kind of the starting point is you're do by yourself and that's not good. So if you're looking for these types of videos, hit the subscribe button. Other than that, we'll catch you on the next episode. We appreciate you coming on the journey with us and allowing us to be part of your journey. George R Dovolis: Mm, yes. Thank you.