Latest / Groove with Portia / A Mother's Fight for Child Safety After Unimaginable Loss

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A Mother's Fight for Child Safety After Unimaginable Loss · Groove with Portia

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Group Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
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  Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: where we were exchange laughter, of course the best medicine
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: of them all, reflect on cherish memories, Remember that time
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  Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
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  Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park yikes, And of course, discover
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  Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges lost. So
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: get ready to gree with me, Porsche the Producer, let's
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: dive in. Hello everybody, and welcome back to Grow with Porsche.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I am your host, Porsche Booker, and as always, don't
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  Speaker 1: forget to like, share and subscribe to keep up with
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  Speaker 1: all things Grew with Porsche. One of the things that
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  Speaker 1: I love about having conversation with different people who have
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  Speaker 1: ex experience a loss in their life is how they've
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  Speaker 1: been able to create a legacy broll. Let me say
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  Speaker 1: that again. Whenever I have conversation with different individuals who
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  Speaker 1: have experienced some sort of a loss in their life,
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  Speaker 1: they've found a way to create a legacy out of it.
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  Speaker 1: And how many of us have been in that boat
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  Speaker 1: where we've experienced that loss or transition in our life,
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  Speaker 1: and we've been able to pay it forward by seeing
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  Speaker 1: the opportunity within the obstacle let that sink in. So
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  Speaker 1: today I have the honor of being joined by a
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  Speaker 1: mother of two who's taking her story all the way
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  Speaker 1: through hopefully Congress at some point to get some things changed.
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  Speaker 1: She is a child safety advocate, author of No Pun Intended,
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  Speaker 1: There Is Still Hope. So welcome to grew a Portie,
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  Speaker 1: Miss Hope, Who's in Hope. It's an honor to have
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  Speaker 1: you on the show. How are you today? I'm great?
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  Speaker 2: Thank you Persha for having me Hope.
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  Speaker 1: First starters before we dive into your story. One of
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  Speaker 1: the things I'd love to do on this show is
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  Speaker 1: give you the opportunity to share with our audience about
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  Speaker 1: your loved ones. So for our audience who's tuning in Hope,
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  Speaker 1: please share with us about your two children, Lydia and Alec,
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  Speaker 1: about their personalities, who they were, and what you want
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  Speaker 1: people to remember about them.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, Alec was seven. He loved Pokemon and Trail Life USA.
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  Speaker 2: He loved basketball and soccer. He was always super fun
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  Speaker 2: and outgoing, and charismatic. Lydia has to turn six. She
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  Speaker 2: loved sparkles, unicorns, and she loved riding her scooter. They
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  Speaker 2: were inseparable, they loved each other, and Lydia was like
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  Speaker 2: Alex's shadow. She went everywhere he went. So as far
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  Speaker 2: as knowing them and wanting your audience to get to
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  Speaker 2: know who they were, I would like to say that
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  Speaker 2: Alec and Lydia were joy and their lives mattered, and
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  Speaker 2: they still matter even in their lasting legacy.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you Halle for sharing that. I mean, I can see.
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  Speaker 1: I mean as a kid, I grew up playing Pokemon,
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  Speaker 1: pokingmon games, Pokemon cards, and it seems that unicorns have
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  Speaker 1: become a resurgence, just like so many other right nostalgic cartoons.
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  Speaker 1: Powerpuff Girls have come back. Obviously, Scooby Doo has been
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  Speaker 1: around forever. I mean, but I love that there's still
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  Speaker 1: again that preservation of legacy of even those things that
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  Speaker 1: I grew up with in my childhood. And hope for
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  Speaker 1: a audience, one day your life completely changed, right, this shift,
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  Speaker 1: this transition that you experienced. Can you share with the
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  Speaker 1: audience about that day, that transition in your life and
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  Speaker 1: how you're taking that to implement change in so many
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  Speaker 1: different areas for so many people today.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. So, actually this week will be the two year
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  Speaker 2: angel versary of Alec and Lydia. They died on May nineteenth,
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  Speaker 2: twenty twenty four, and I found out that something happened
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  Speaker 2: the next day, which would have been Monday, May twentieth,
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  Speaker 2: twenty twenty four, when the school called me with an
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  Speaker 2: unexcused absence, and I thought that that was very strange.
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  Speaker 2: They were at their father's house for an unsupervised visit.
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  Speaker 2: The courts had previously granted him unsupervised parenting time, even
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  Speaker 2: despite history of domestic violence towards myself. I had an
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  Speaker 2: order of protection. He had a severe psychiatric instability with
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  Speaker 2: mental health, so he had bipolar with psychosis with severe mania,
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  Speaker 2: and so even despite all of those things that transpired,
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  Speaker 2: the courts felt that it was safe enough for him
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  Speaker 2: to be unsupervised with the children, even though I didn't
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  Speaker 2: agree and didn't feel like it was. My hands were tied.
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  Speaker 2: So I have to send them to unsupervised visitation. And
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  Speaker 2: that Monday changed my life forever. I called no answer,
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  Speaker 2: texted no answer, went over there and knocked on the door,
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  Speaker 2: no sound inside, called the police, they came, did their
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  Speaker 2: perimeter checks, checked all the doors and windows, and they
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  Speaker 2: went inside because they thought that it was the best
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  Speaker 2: for all parties involved. And unfortunately they found all three
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  Speaker 2: deceased inside. And so that's just devastating when your whole
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  Speaker 2: world falls apart and like literally a blink of an eye.
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  Speaker 2: And so through that, through my grief these past two years,
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  Speaker 2: my healing, my therapy, my trust in the Lord, I
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  Speaker 2: have brief shaped my life. And I used to be
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  Speaker 2: a special education teacher before everything happened, and so now
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  Speaker 2: I took my education. Instead of teaching little kids, I
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  Speaker 2: teach adults about child safety and advocate for child safety
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  Speaker 2: and family court reform. I educate on domestic violence and
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  Speaker 2: coercive control. And I educate on mental instability mental illness,
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  Speaker 2: specifically when it has to do with a history of
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  Speaker 2: prior violence. And that's when we have cases like this,
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  Speaker 2: and this is called philicide. So phylicide is when a
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  Speaker 2: parent intentionally takes the life of their own child or children.
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  Speaker 2: And this is a crisis that is happening silently in
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  Speaker 2: our country. There is over the ones that are recorded,
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  Speaker 2: there's over seven hundred cases of philicide. A year in
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  Speaker 2: our country. That averages out to about two to three
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  Speaker 2: kids a day. And those are the ones that are
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  Speaker 2: reported accurately. We know that there's ones that aren't reported accurately,
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  Speaker 2: and by that I mean there's missing case, missing children's
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  Speaker 2: cases that haven't been solved. But they became a missing
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  Speaker 2: person because of philicide, right and they disposed of their body.
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  Speaker 2: And so there's other cases that aren't filed under philicide
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  Speaker 2: that should be. So that number is a lot higher
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  Speaker 2: than seven hundred a year. And so this is something
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  Speaker 2: that I'm wanting to change in the family court system
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  Speaker 2: specifically because we see philicide in family courts when one
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  Speaker 2: a partner loses control over the situation. They only way
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  Speaker 2: that one can regain control is, unfortunately, sometimes taking a
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  Speaker 2: child's life, children's lives, sometimes the whole family's lives. And
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  Speaker 2: so I have partnered with Arizona legislators because this is
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  Speaker 2: where the case happened was in Arizona, this is where
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  Speaker 2: we used to live. And so now I am champion
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  Speaker 2: the Alec and Lydia Act, and so it's a child
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  Speaker 2: safety bill that will put child safety first above all else,
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  Speaker 2: and it will make sure that if there is a
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  Speaker 2: history of domestic violence or coercive control that courts know about.
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  Speaker 2: The judges have to stop and look at those criteria,
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  Speaker 2: look at everything, including mental instability is in there as well.
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  Speaker 2: They'll have to look at everything. And then that parent
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  Speaker 2: that is the abuser will not have unsupervised parenting time
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  Speaker 2: until that they can overcome the presumption of the domestic
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  Speaker 2: violence or a coercive control. So this is huge. It
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  Speaker 2: would make Arizona the eleventh state in our country to
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  Speaker 2: include coercive control underneath the umbrella of abuse. And Arizona
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  Speaker 2: is just the first stop. Once I'm done there, I
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  Speaker 2: will go and push it into Michigan, where I currently live.
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  Speaker 2: I was born and raised here, currently live in Michigan.
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  Speaker 2: I'll have it here and then after that tackle each
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  Speaker 2: state after that. So this is really important. And I
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  Speaker 2: get messages every day from women from families that are saying,
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  Speaker 2: you know, has this bill passed yet, has this been
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  Speaker 2: implemented yet? And because there are cases right now today
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  Speaker 2: that are in danger of this happening, and we need
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  Speaker 2: to make sure that we put protocols and procedures in
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  Speaker 2: place to save children.
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  Speaker 1: Well hope. First of all, I mean I lots of
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  Speaker 1: love to you because this is not easy. Your life
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  Speaker 1: changed literally in the blink of an eye. Who would
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  Speaker 1: have thought that you would go and see what's going
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  Speaker 1: on on? Why are my kids not in school? To
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  Speaker 1: find that that would be the last time you saw them. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: and also to the court providing unsupervised visitations to your
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  Speaker 1: husband at the time, considering all of the documentation and
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  Speaker 1: obvious signs of mental instability. And also too, you brought
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  Speaker 1: up about domestic violence and phil aside. And as we
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  Speaker 1: both know, there's been two big cases in the last
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  Speaker 1: couple of months, one in Virginia and also I believe
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  Speaker 1: one in DC. I believe, I know one was in
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  Speaker 1: Virginia and the other one was in one of the states.
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  Speaker 1: But we've had that's right, I'm sorry, that's right. So
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  Speaker 1: we've had two in the news that have made headlines.
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  Speaker 1: Even though this is not something new, right, domestic violence
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  Speaker 1: phil side has been going on for years, but because
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  Speaker 1: of these two big, gigantic cases now it has become
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  Speaker 1: the forefront and center of what I like to call
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  Speaker 1: the trending wheel. And I'm curious, hope there's warning signs
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  Speaker 1: that are often overlooked patterns. Right of these types of situations.
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  Speaker 1: Can you share with our audience, hope about some of
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  Speaker 1: the warning signs that you think most of the time
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  Speaker 1: the mainstream is not seeing that you've had experience with firsthand.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, a lot of those ones that were in
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  Speaker 2: the new cases were also in mind. There's patterns. They're
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  Speaker 2: always the same. Domestic violence history, either towards a partner
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  Speaker 2: or towards just people in the community. There can be
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  Speaker 2: a criminal history, but there doesn't have to be. There
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  Speaker 2: can be unchecked sevier mental illness, coercive control, which is
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  Speaker 2: when that person that is abusive loses control and may
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  Speaker 2: no longer have control over their partner. They do the
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  Speaker 2: ultimate act of philocide on course of control. So your
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  Speaker 2: audience understands is when a victim is no longer from
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  Speaker 2: their own person, they're an extension of the abuser. They
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  Speaker 2: have no autonomy in the relationship. So for me, I
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  Speaker 2: was an extension of him. He would tell me when
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  Speaker 2: I needed to eat, when I needed to go to bed,
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  Speaker 2: when I needed to work out what I needed to wear.
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  Speaker 2: He would pick out my clothes for me. You know,
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  Speaker 2: he controlled every aspect of my life. And so these
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  Speaker 2: are huge red flag and lethality risk markers that our
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  Speaker 2: courts are police everyone in the system needs to pay
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  Speaker 2: attention to, even the media. They need to start the
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  Speaker 2: media needs to start using the word philicide in those
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  Speaker 2: cases because the incident in Shreveport, Louisiana, they considered it
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  Speaker 2: a murder suicide, which it is, but when it when
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  Speaker 2: it includes children, it should be labeled as a philicide
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  Speaker 2: suicide because philicide is child death. And then he also,
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  Speaker 2: well he was killed by the police in that case.
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  Speaker 2: But a lot of the cases the perpetrators commit suicide.
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  Speaker 2: So yeah, those I mean, harm to pets is one.
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  Speaker 2: So if they're harmful to animals, they don't care about property,
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  Speaker 2: even their own property, they don't care about you know,
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  Speaker 2: all of these things are risk markers. Isolation, taking you
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  Speaker 2: away from your friends and family, and yeah, I mean
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  Speaker 2: there's so many to list, but those are the main ones.
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  Speaker 1: And Hope I appreciate you bringing that to them, because
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  Speaker 1: I don't think a lot of people they hear the
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  Speaker 1: word coercive. But there's also there's often what I like
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  Speaker 1: to call a sexual connotation along with that, like but
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  Speaker 1: it's it's deeper than that. As you mentioned him telling
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  Speaker 1: you what time you can eat, what time you can,
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  Speaker 1: you know, go to the gym, what time you need
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  Speaker 1: to go to bed? Right, Literally, those little subtle things
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  Speaker 1: that most people would not think of as being that
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  Speaker 1: coercive control. And then probably it also extends to the children.
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  Speaker 1: Right and Hope. For our audience, this has been an
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  Speaker 1: amazing conversation. We almost have to probably do a part
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  Speaker 1: two because there's so much to unpack here for our audience. Hope,
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  Speaker 1: who's tuning in if they want to connect with you,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: if they want to support the the Alec and Lydia Act,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: if they want to also get a copy of your
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: book There's Still Hope. How can they connect with you today?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, they can grab my book on Amazon. There's Still Hope,
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: A journey of adversity, tragedy and unshakeable faith. You just
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: type in There's Still Hope and then type in Hope
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: putin that will pop up. And you also can follow
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: me on social media. My handle is Hope in the
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: Pain on all social medias.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Excellent, So you can find Hope if you do a
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: Google search. You know Google is your friend. Of course,
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: we got Ai. I'm sure AI could tell us. Oh yeah,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: so where to find you? As well, you can get
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: a copy of her book. There is still Hope also
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: on social media, Hope in the Pain.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, and I have a podcast as well, and we
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: do educate and bring awareness to phil inside. It's called
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: Voices Against Phil Inside and you can find that wherever
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: you stream your.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Podcasts excellent, So there's multiple ways you can connect with Hope,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: support our journey and follow this currently hot topic in
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  Speaker 1: our world today of domestic viol and fill aside and
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  Speaker 1: Hope again, lots of love to you. You know, this
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  Speaker 1: is not easy, and I'm sure some days it can
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  Speaker 1: be more trying than others. And also considering that it's
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  Speaker 1: so fresh for you, right, I thought, originally before I
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  Speaker 1: kind of did some resources, this is like maybe a
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  Speaker 1: ten year old thing, and I said, oh no, this
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  Speaker 1: is recent, this is this isn't even five years old yet.
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  Speaker 2: Oh no, two years this week, two years on Wednesday.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Well, Hope, thank you so much again for
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  Speaker 1: coming on. Well, everybody that was Lydia and Alex mother,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Hope Pootin that you heard from today on grew with
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  Speaker 1: Portia and that concludes our conversation and until next time, everybody,
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  Speaker 1: piece and hair Greece. Everyone,