Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.10 | How to Stop Self Sabotage and Step Into Your Queen Energy with Relationship Coach Zara J

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Ep.10 | How to Stop Self Sabotage and Step Into Your Queen Energy with Relationship Coach Zara J · Curiously Guided Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome back to the Curiously Guided Podcast.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: We're your host, Shay Mariah, two intuitive business strategists exploring the intersection of entrepreneurship, spirituality, and the subconscious mind.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so in this episode, we had our good friend Zara, who's a relationship coach.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: She came on and we had a really amazing chat about relationship dynamics.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: So me and Shay both first got introduced to Zara about a year ago in a monthly membership that we were all a part of.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: So that was Human Being Club that was run by Erin Lindstrom.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: I still wish that this was running because it was like one of my favorite things on the face of the planet.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: So basically, Zara did a workshop with us, and in that container, we loved it.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: So we knew that when we launched the podcast, that we absolutely wanted to have her come on and just like share her zone of genius.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that like so when we first met Zara, I I initially was like, oh, this human seems amazing, but I have nothing really to learn here.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: I've been married to my high school sweetheart, you know, for like a million years.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like I don't need a relationship.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: I don't need relationship advice, which is very arrogant.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know why I thought that, but Zara is just so knowledgeable and smart and like dedicated to her craft.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: She's always learning something new.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: I'm always in her DMs, not always, but I'm in her DMs asking for book recommendations.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um she's actually one of the ones, Mariah, that first introduced me to Joe Dispenza.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what's the big book that he wrote called?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Breaking the Habit, How to Break the Habit of Being Yourself, I think is what it's called.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, Zara.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, Zara's got great book recommendations.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: She's also a really good example of a business owner that is dedicated to showing up consistently.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: I love following her on social media, on Facebook, everywhere she is.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: She always has something really valuable and insightful to say.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I guess like my big takeaways from this episode are really, you know, relationship is not just something that you have with a love partner, an intimate partner, like a romance.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: I have a relationship with my business.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: I have a relationship with Mariah.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: I have a relationship with all my friends, all the people in my professional and personal network.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: And like our relationships, just like our businesses, are mirrors, you know, like we talked about in our original episodes that are like reflecting back on us, the areas in life that need us to shine a little light.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: And so Zara is just the, I don't even know, pro-expert guru around relationship and thinking about relationship.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: And she especially is, I think, um, situated to help women.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: She's really studied, like she's she started as a matchmaker and then she got into, she's now built a group coaching program all around finding a meaningful life partner, you know.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: And um, she's really studied relationships and developed these archetypes for how a lot of women show up.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: And um, we had her in this episode go through some of those archetypes.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: I definitely resonated with all of them and learned, learned something, I think, from each one.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I just learned a lot about myself and about the relationships I'm in and about how I feel about my business and the energy I'm showing up in every time Zara says anything.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like I could talk forever.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: I think she's just a really um wonderful, magical human.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: I really hope you all go follow her after this and just um soak in all the wisdom that she has to share.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I really love that introduction for her.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't know that she introduced you to Joe Dispenza.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's so fun.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, at some point I um I don't remember why, but I was like, can you give me a book recommendation?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, uh sure.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this one really was a game changer for me.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: And it was um how to like breaking the habit of being yourself by Joe Dispenza.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, we'll link to it in the show notes.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what an what an what an interesting example of being curiously guided.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: You're right.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh god.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: That book's been very influential to both of us.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so yeah, I I love what you said about Zara and just her perspective.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: And like the word dedicated feels feels really aligned.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: And also like as she's talking, you can feel the passion coming from her heart.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like she gives a shit, not only about like the the intimate relationship and like helping her clients find love on the outside, but like the ins and outs of her program that she dove into just a little bit in the episode is also about like finding love within yourself.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, that just sticks with me.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And also a big part of it that I was even thinking about yesterday.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: I uh she talked about the wounded princess, which I'm really uh I hope that you guys really appreciate that as much as I do.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because like even yesterday, I was like laughing at myself.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I am definitely being a wounded princess right now.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: And like I just need to like take a deep breath and like allow myself some space uh to work through like what the wounded princess is trying to show up and show me.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: So that was like one of my favorite things in the episode.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I'll just piggyback off that.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: The the counterpoint to the wounded princess is um the empowered queen.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: I don't quite remember what language she used, but Zara has this like eloquent way of describing queen energy that I have really when she described it on the episode, I felt this like calm, empowered feeling.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: And Ryan and I are always talking about stepping into our queen energy.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: And actually, that's a card that a previous guest pulled for us all around queen energy.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I I'm really excited for you guys to hear that piece of it.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: I would say that's been, you know, like almost it's been like a week or so since we recorded that piece of like, how could I be more in that like calm, confident, grounded space moving through the day-to-day has really stuck with me.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and the parallels between the relationship that you have with yourself and like you mentioned, your business and like how it all is intertwined and how it really shows up together.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm just gonna dive into Zara's bio really quick.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: So after spending many years as a matchmaker, relationship coach Zara is helping women to meet and marry their ideal partners.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: So over those years, she saw a consistent pattern that helped to crack the code when it came to helping smart, successful, and ambitious women who are tired of having no luck in the relationship department.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: So the captivating courtship code teaches smart, high-achieving women to break relationship patterns using a custom match game plan to heal, attract, and commit in less time.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, just like hearing the ins and outs of like her program, it it sounds incredible.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: But this episode does dive in.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like we get really deep really quick.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm excited for you guys to listen.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: We'll go ahead and play the episode now.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, cool.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: Zara, thank you so much for agreeing to come on the podcast.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: We're we're really excited to have this conversation.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: We kind of already know that it's going to be amazing because me and Shay have already gotten a little, a little taste of your magic from Human Being Club.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, do you want to just dive in and give us like the the spiel about who you are and and how you got here?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, absolutely.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you so much for having you both, Shay Mariah.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like super excited to do this with you because I just love like just the intuitive aspect of it.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And even though like I'm a relationship coach and my background, I I originally owned a matchmaking service.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then I got tired of that.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't feel fully connected and aligned with who I am.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like kind of exactly what this podcast represents.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was a lot of the doing.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that like I could add so much more value just based upon my intuitive ability to coach and to see things and identify patterns and to really be able to hold space for my clients.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like with my matchmaking clients, everything was about just where, where, where, meet me, you know, introduce me to someone, put me in front of someone, and then that's it.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, there's so much other stuff that you need to work through, so much other stuff that's going on.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: So it didn't feel fully aligned with me.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I broke away from that um about two years ago now, and I started just going into coaching, which eventually led to my group coaching program, which I've been doing for almost about a year and a half now.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just this year alone, we've had um one marriage and four engagements.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So very happy about that.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and these are women who they, I mean, that they all have their own individual situation, but um, it's unique in that way because I coach them based upon the pattern types that I have discovered um through my years of coaching.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I discovered eight different um what I call my passion attraction prototypes, which is like the sabotage and patterns that they tend to show up with during like dating and courtship and relationships that causes them to keep attracting and repeating the same experiences.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really focused on their behaviors and how they show up.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I use that as like the basis for my coaching, and then allows me to understand how to coach them and what parents, and it's so predictable and it's like it makes it so easy because I know just like with human design or any other type, which I have not figured out my I haven't taken the time to find out my human design, and I've been like putting that off forever and I need to just go do it.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: But just like with any other prototype or archaeotypes, having that gives people so much more clarity and confidence because then they feel seen and heard and understood, and like, oh wow, this is exactly what I'm experiencing.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: And now I understand that you can support me in how to navigate this.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, that's kind of that's a lot to kind of start to unpack.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: But that's just the basis of what I do.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: So um, we do coaching, I have the podcast, you know, different ways that I interact with them, but it's really just to um, you know, I really like targeting what I would consider this word is kind of like a cringe kind of word, but like smart, successful women, right?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I put a little bit of emphasis on the word smart, even though it can be like, who are you to call someone smart, right?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: But women who identify as smart, right?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you identify as a smart girl, you typically approach life differently, right?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're overthinker, you're very analytical, you're very logical.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, like when it comes to dating and relationships, you're like, hold on a second, this isn't making sense.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: I need some clarity.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing here.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, like smart girls appreciate blueprints.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: They appreciate things being put plainly to them, right?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: So, incorporating that aspect of it where you have some guidance and clarity and some blueprint doing type of action, but also helping them to activate more of their feminine to understand how to lean into that and their intuition and feel comfortable and confident with their feminine energy as well, really is like a transformative experience for these women.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: So like drop.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, holy moly.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm like over here scribbling notes frantically of everything I want to talk about.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: But this is a podcast for smart women who have struggled to tap into that feminine intuitive energy.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I can't tell you, I love that word smart because I definitely relate to that.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: I know I've said it a million times on here, but uh I've spent my whole life up in my head and I've been able to work out most of my problems by using my logic and my brains and my resources.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: And so now that you know, a lot of what you say, there's so many parallels, the relationships you have in your personal life, but also the relationships you have with business.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: Anytime you say anything, I'm always learning.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so um, you know, I really, really think that the smart girls struggle to tap into the power here.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: And that is the path that both of Mariah and I are on.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so would you mind?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm assuming that you are also a smart girl that has walked this path.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: What did that look like for you initially?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: Of because one thing I'm constantly blown away by you, Zara, is you you're really watching your people, you're noticing patterns and themes, and you're updating your program with what you've learned.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I hear you say that constantly, even before we got on this call, you're like, I had an idea about how to improve based on what I've been seeing.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: So to me, your story is very much one of uh being smart, but then pulling in that intuition piece and building that muscle.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: So, can you kind of walk us through like what did that look like for you when you really stepped out of smart into smart and intuitive?
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: Does that make any sense?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it looked like struggle.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: It looked like struggle, it looked like not feeling understood, it felt like feeling like a freak.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: It felt it felt like all of these things.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how come like where are my people?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I loved like the human being club so much where we met because it was just like, oh, like, okay, I feel I was in another coaching program that was all of the doing, all of the strategy, all of the action.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so I needed that feminine compliment where I could just like relax and just let it out and just you know connect more intuitively.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: So that was like why I was even in that space, right?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: But um definitely identify as a smart girl, um, definitely someone who spent majority of my life very much in my head, like you said, right?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then having to start learning more about um, I knew something like for me personally, when I got to that space, it was about two 2016.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew just something was off within me.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like I felt like my senses.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: This is again, it sounds like freaky, right?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: But like I remember laying in bed trying to figure out like I just woke up like in the middle of the night and I'm like a Googler, right?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm always on Google and YouTube, I'm always learning, I'm always listening to a podcast, something, right?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I remember just feeling like my senses felt very heightened.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like I felt like I was very, I was new to, I had just moved to Atlanta.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was very much in like protective mode and new to my surroundings, and then building a new business.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And there was a lot of that masculine energy, and I just felt like off.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt like my um my my senses were like really heightened into like that survival protective mode.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that there was something off.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, this is doesn't seem right.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: So then I started Googling and researching um feminine energy, and I particularly started um, I don't even know how I ended up on this blog, but somehow I googling down the Google rabbit hole, I ended up on a blog that talked about how a war tactic was to um like genocide is a war tactic, right?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like we know that, but part of that is making the women more masculine so that the men are less attracted to them and so they don't desire to procreate with them, right?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And when I saw that, I was like, wow, like that's crazy, right?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that was yeah, I have no idea how it ended up on that blog, but somehow, and I think I specifically Googled something having to do with that.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started reading this blog about it, and it just all started making sense, um, especially in the relationship world, right?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: So then that just like put me on this quest of really learning about like connecting more with my intuition, feminine energy, and all those things.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there was something that you said that I wanted to touch on when you mentioned about the connections between like relationships and business.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's all relationships, right?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's legit the same energetics, it's the same things.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I tell you, even when I look at like the sales process or anything like that, it's legit the same things.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: When I teach my clients, I teach them based off of business practices.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know that.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is why some of those things are looking like, but I legit teach them.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you have the cold guy, the warm guy, the hot guy, right?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is how you figure out where they are in that commitment process.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is how we're love that.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is legit the same energetics because it's all psychology, it's all human behavior, you know.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really all the same things.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you understand how to identify, this is why you have cold buyers, warm buyers, hot buyers.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you understand how to identify that in a relationship market, you can spot um commitment-ready men much faster.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: You can understand where you may have to nurture the relationship more versus kind of rush the process.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And for like that smart girl who's more her masculine, who's used to being more in that energy, she's all about controlling the outcome.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's hurry up, make this happen.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: It needs to happen now.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: So it gives her that sense of understanding how to identify where these men are and how much to invest, how much not to invest.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it just brings more flow.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that's really like, I know it's a lot.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm just like rambling on, but it's it's really all like the same energetics and the same type of um mindset and psychology.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And once you get a grasp on that, it just allows you to actually enjoy, you know, dating and relationships and all that much more because you understand that it's all just human behavior.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's interesting.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like A, I love the parallels that you make between both of them.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like this was the path.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like I walked a similar path too.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: So like I wasn't in a relationship for around 10 years because I was just like, um, no, I don't have the space.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like I didn't even know what being in my feminine meant.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: I remember going to Google and typing in like, what is feminine energy?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: And like, what does it mean?
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: I was watching YouTube videos about like how to tap into my feminine energy because 25 years I have spent in my masculine, either in fight or flight or in this like control and do and prove.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: So like switching and going to the other side or even just tiptoeing and allowing myself to dive into it felt so odd.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: But when I started doing that, things started unfolding a lot better in my business.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: And then, oh, look, I end up getting into a relationship.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not like by chance.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that the parallels are all very interesting.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm if I'm looking back at like my process in my own path of just like the past few years of like, holy shit, this is all so connected.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: And the fact that you said like cold guys, warm guys and hot guys, I'm like, I love that.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that that was like as I started, because I'm building my business and I'm like collecting data, like Shay said, like constantly trying to update, change things, really leaning in and observing my clients and what they're going through, what they're experiencing, what do they need?
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what's hard for them to understand?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you just constantly seeing like a lot of the same things and the parallels.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then I started paying attention to like, what season am I in in life?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, is this a season when it comes to business and my love life and my relationship?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do I need to be focused on right now?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need to be focused more on connection and nurturing?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need to be focused more on like taking action and doing things?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where are we at right now?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And there was always a parallel between like just being in flow.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: And like, if I felt, you know, low value in my business and I felt like things weren't working, or I'm only focused on the doing and I'm not relaxing enough and connecting more with what feels right.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's always going to be that same type of energy in my relationship where I'm like feeling low value, I'm feeling insecure.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like maybe I need to do more, maybe I'm not getting enough attention or something like that, where there's a disconnect.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: So it's always just figuring out that alignment and that balance and just getting in flow.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: And when you can figure that out, it really does create a lot more harmony and security.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because, like you said, Mariah, you mentioned like um being on survival, right?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: And and just that doing like that is the like I call it love survival in my program with the ladies.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: And like you guys are operating on love survival mode.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: So we have like the two avatars, which is like the wounded princess versus the captivating queen.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, with those two different identities, like when you're in that wounded princess energy, then you are you know anxious and you're fearful, and you're combative, and you're like fighting and rebelling to be heard and fighting for your identity.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, you're trying to um control an outcome because, like anything about any Disney princess, they're always fighting for their.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: identity and for something, right?
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: They want to rebel, they want to break free.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: And versus like the captivating queen, where it's like you're on your throne and you feel in your power and you feel graceful and yet firm.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you allow others around you to support you.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you allow the king to come to you and not like you have to abandon your throne to go after him.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: And like it's just a different energy.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: Whoa.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_02: So body goosebumps.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, uh Zara, last week we had a podcast interview release talking all about stories and how stories like male archetype stories have really influenced us and how we understand the world and how there's a lack of female archetype stories out there.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so I love that parallel you just brought up of the princess and the queen.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: And initially what popped up for me, I went back to story every Disney story it's the Disney princesses, right?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_02: That is the story that we've learned.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_02: And then I thought about the queens and they're usually the villains.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm just sitting here like oh we don't have a lot of examples of this like queen energy that you just described and what a shame because that's really where that feminine power lays.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if you even think about it when we think about like the career world right it's still like the woman who has like that queenly attitude is the bitch, right?
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like she's the one who has that domineering presence in the workforce.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like you don't have to you can be a female boss and you don't have to be a bitch about it, right?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can still find balance in that you can still hold space for your for your employees or for your clients and still figure out that balance.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that that's a great point Shayda we usually don't have that representation.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of times as women we think that we have to be either or either we have to be the bratty little princess or we have to be like the bitchy queen but like there can be a balance in between.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah and let's explore that and like be models of that.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: What a great thing to shoot for.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: I love that um you know I would love to talk a bit more about I know that there's eight and eight's a lot but can you talk about the I I'm so fascinated by the archetypes and the pattern types that you have kind of come up with.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: Would you dive into just that with us and the development of those and um at a high level if you can what they are?
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah so I have the eight passion attraction prototypes which they're each um their own individual like archetype for how women I mean it can apply to anyone but I work with women so I say women um but how women will show up and with relationship sabotage.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now most people are a combination of about two to three.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'll have women say well I identify with every single one of them you know but some of the the patterns and behaviors will overlap.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: But then typically with my program we tend to have several core ones like the trophy pattern is hands down the number one pattern that we tend to work with.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: I would say number two is the love me pattern.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Interestingly enough I've been getting a lot more adapters lately as well.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I can talk about that though those three I think we can just kind of talk about those yeah the the big three would be great.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: So trophy love me and adapters.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and the adapters um so the trophy as I said that's the number one prototype that I work with and my my trophy chasers um they're I identify with them because that was like my pattern for a long time so like I get them um but my trophy girls I call them my trophy girls my trophy girls um they tend to one they trophy their partners right so I want you to imagine it like this.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: So my trophy girls tend to experience a lot of hot and cold relationship experiences where first they'll meet a guy and the guy's like super into them he's super excited maybe he's really attracted or maybe he really um connects with her what she's doing for a living because she's very ambitious or something of that sort and he's really hot in pursuit.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: Then after maybe a couple of weeks or so it could for some of them depending on how anxious they are could be a couple days.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: But typically once that man shows that hot pursuit what happens is I call it the the funnel flips because then she then gets activated into her masculine she feels then oh now let me show him yeah I want you too I want you choose me like and so she starts activating her masculine and starts activating the chase.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then he retreats more into his feminine and then he usually goes cold or withdraws right because two masculine energies cannot exist in that same space.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: There has to be that flow.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: So he's they're typically men who they will initially really show up in their masculine at hot pursuit and she's more her feminine like maybe she's nervous maybe she's really anxious and fearful maybe she's like laid back like oh my gosh like he likes me.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then as soon as that hot pursuit gets activated she's calling him she's texting him she's like I want it to happen right now and she starts pursuing him right so um my trophy girls they tend to like boundaries they have tend to be really good at setting boundaries but not keeping boundaries right like they'll like no you have to treat me like this and I want this and then as soon as the man like that they like comes in front of them it's like all boundaries go away right so um they tend to really kind of like the thrill of the chase when it comes to the relationship.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: They they like the idea of getting a man who may seem a little too good for them or a man who makes them sweat.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like they kind of like that idea of the man that's the challenge.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: So they they typically will either trophy the man or they'll just trophy the idea of the relationship like just the fact that this man has the quote unquote power to make them a wife or a girlfriend or to make the relationship.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: So because of that they really end up putting their partners on a pedestal which means that they lower their own.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why they're called like the trophy girls because they end up really trophying the men.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: But the the thing is what I notice with my trophy girls is that they tend to trophy men for the same qualities that they're undervaluing within themselves.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: And they're putting in and meanwhile they don't see that they hold those same exact values and qualities and that's why that man is attracted to them in the first place.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: But they undervalue it in themselves and really put it on a pedestal in the man.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: So what we have to work through is helping them to restore their value and really showing up in that value and holding that value during the relationship and not forgetting who they are and that this is what you bring to the relationship.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're not bringing you know just your accomplishments and just how smart you are you also bring the fact that yeah you're amazing too you have all these other authentic values and qualities that you bring effortlessly that you don't have to work improve and try to outperform to try to make him see it like just be yourself right so that's one of the things with the trophy girls and I always say my trophy girls their go-to relationship blindness men like the idea of me and not the real me.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: Right that's like trophy girls go to I just feel like men like the idea of me and not the real me right I have literally said that like 17 times when I was single I was like I feel like these guys just like the idea of me but they don't even know me.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like you guys don't even know me.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm listening to this like I'm dying laughing on the inside.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah because that's the trophy girl spot and and the thing is that they don't realize that one that's a projection right because typically as soon as they meet the guy that fits all the things and they like the idea of who that guy is and not the real guy.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: So they're already in their head they plan the wedding the kids' names they've already moved so far ahead because they've already decided that this is the guy as soon as they meet him and they haven't really taken the time to really get to know that man.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're completely ignoring red flags.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: They're completely in like the chase of hot pursuit and ignoring how this man is actually showing up or what he's not doing and because they like the idea of this man or the idea of the relationship and not what's actually going on.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: So this is like a core thing that trophy girls tend to say and how I know that that's a projection like well really it's that you like the idea of the men that you meet and not the real men like what how they're really showing up how they're really connecting with you or how they're not connecting with you, how they're not showing up for you.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: And you've just already kind of just made them the one without them actually being it.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: So like that's a common thing for the trophies.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: Wow that is so deep and like talk about getting at like the subconscious like underpinnings of everything.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: I've never heard anyone explain it like that before and I could see that trophy pattern is really like um you could get into like a spiral you know once you put that person up on the pedestal then your insecurities and lack kind of show up a little bit more and then it just could definitely head to like a negative space.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_02: And um I'm just blown away at like what you're saying.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah we're saying like it in a relationship male and female kind of love but this can literally apply to any relationship with your business with your friends with anything I'm noticing things that you're saying pop up in other areas of my life.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: So wow um can you take us into the love me person a little bit yeah so the love me I love my love me'cause I feel like I call them just hopeless romantics.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I always say love me's are like the types who will like find a stray kitten and be like but I can nurse to back to health like but please let me just take it home.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like no it's broken it's damaged release it back to the wild right so they love men who are broken kittens right they love they tend to attract men who aren't really in that like healthy healed space they tend to have a lot of codependency um they love to be a man's big comfy couch and his restoration center and they get a lot of validation from being needed.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: They love the idea of being needed particularly emotionally they love to just be that emotional support and they get the validation through that.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: And for the love means part of their problem is that they tend to shrink themselves when it comes to their voice in their knees.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to put it like this so with the let's just say if we're like relating it to chakras, right?
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: The trophy patterns like my trophy girls they are more like wounded in the lower chakras, right?
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're they're not as grounded they're acting more in like their wounded masculine energy like their uh I think it's the sacral chakra like all those around self-worth and grounding and doing like they they have to get more balanced in their heart space and their consciousness and and more of the upper chakras right my my love me girls they tend to be way more like in their upper chakras like what's particularly their heart space right so they're like just like the codependents they're they're super hopeless romantics.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: They tend to be way way like too much in their heart space but they tend to be like closed off in their throat chakra right so they shrink their wants and needs.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: They don't speak up for themselves they're very self-sacrificing they don't use their voice enough.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: They're not good at setting boundaries um they will allow themselves to waste like a lot of time with like dead end relationships because they don't feel comfortable actually asking for what they want or like I said setting boundaries.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: They tend to even like invest a lot into expired relationships like, but they they they are really really good at holding space for others but to a detriment, to a place where they're not getting that same reciprocation and tend to not get the same emotional support from others around them.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: So for my love me girls it's really helping them to increase in their self-worth, get comfortable with setting boundaries, asking for what they want, asking for what they need and really holding close to that value in when it comes to relationships and with men so that they feel more confident to actually have the type of relationship that they want and what they're deserving of.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: Wow I love that you tied it back to the chakras.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry Mariah you want to go ahead yeah yeah I was just gonna say like kind of like you said with the last one like the the the trophy was kind of like I can relate in terms of like actual relationship, like romantic relationship this one I'm just like I see like platonic relationships playing out in this one.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's just very interesting like understanding these different aspects of like how we show up, why we show up and it'd be interesting just like dissecting the subconscious patterning and like childhood trauma of like where this came from came from the mom if it came from your relationship with your dad.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: So we think about that in the program that's like step one module one we dig into that because like I can't even help you with actions unless we like lay a new foundation and get clear on like where this stuff is stemming from right so module one is all about the wounds and getting clear on like the inner child wounds, the beliefs that you have your trust issues.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what I find with I would probably say about 80 to 90% not all but definitely the vast majority comes from mommy wounds.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the thing comes from mommy wounds.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so funny because I feel like when we're dealing with women we assume that it's the daddy wounds.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: But no for most of them it's the mommy wounds.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: And they a lot of times they the women um they didn't receive the validation and emotional support from their mothers that they always wanted.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so they only received validation through doing through good grades through accomplishments through you know maybe cleaning around the house maybe if they were if they had the love me pattern maybe they had to be a caretaker in some way at a young age for their younger siblings or even for a parent but they didn't receive that validation from their mothers that they often needed and they didn't find not just the validation but also they weren't supported in their feminine.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: So they didn't have that emotional connection where they had another woman or their mother where whoever their primary caretaker was really helping to cultivate their communication allowing them to feel comfortable with emotional expression them really feeling supported in their feminine aspects.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: So these aspects of them are really you know just haven't been cultivated but the masculine aspects typically have been more cultivated in them.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: Even for the even for the the love meet who are more codependent and are hopeless romantics and act more in that heart space they still there's this idea of being needed and and that they have to still do in a way and sacrifice in a way that is still more aligned with their masculine than in their feminine.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's really interesting but I definitely find that most of them have mommy wounds.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's so important to point out because I immediately when we talk about childhood stuff go to stuff with my father and I think a lot of us do and Mariah and I are both sitting here like oh wow this feels like Pandora's box especially what you said about having the feminine modeled and having examples of people feeling comfortable with emotion emotional expression and people healing in other ways that aren't totally logic based that was very much missing from my childhood.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm kind of like oh wow no wonder you know like um I don't I everything is just resonating with me so much.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like even for me I had two masculine parents essentially right like my mother was a worker she was a doer she was always in that space um now I would say my father I probably had a little bit more of the feminine aspects where I could actually sit down and talk to him but even still there our talking was more based upon politics or religion or world events and things of that sort it wasn't emotion.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: So there wasn't a lot of emotional support going on in my house.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: So we had all our needs met, right?
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what love looked like to me even in relationships love looked like to me having my needs met my the roof over my head you know you provide for me you do all these things but for a long time I didn't understand the value fully of having a man that was emotionally supportive.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I was always looking for the trophy guy who had a good career and had good income and did all the things and he was a provider and he had all of these masks and tennis because that's what love looked like to me.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: But these men were emotionally unavailable and they lacked you know emotional support even though we could communicate to a level but they didn't fully provide that security that I needed in a relationship.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah definitely um you know and it's so and just to point that out as well I think that a lot of times when we think about relationships and like the modeling I think we forget that like you can come from a two parent household and still not have the type of modeling that you need to go out into the world and look for a happy healthy relationship.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: I came from and I came from a good marriage right like my parents had a peaceful home and good marriage but no one really sat down and helped me to understand relationship.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know so that was something that was missing and something that I feel like with this level of consciousness and awareness to understand helping the next generation to understand like what relationship building is and what to look for in a secure relationship and how to be emotionally supportive in a relationship because those aspects were the missing part.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah yeah and I would say like I'm just I'm kind of piecing together different things when you bring up like the mommy womb and then mommy not womb wound but like when you mentioned the wounded princess like that is essentially I love my mother literally she is like one of my favorite humans on the planet but like your girl got an A plus and the wounded princess.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so like that that's what was modeled to me of just like being a victim of things instead of taking like personal responsibility for how I'm showing up how you know if I'm over self-sacrificing how my boundaries are and things like that.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: So like yeah these different connections are kind of happening in my brain as you're speaking so I am I'm loving this conversation about the mom who's like she's so much in go motion she's like listen you don't have time to be in your feelings about this like you need to focus you need to do like it's always about disconnecting from the feelings you know so like you have both of those types like you said like the mom who's like operates in victimhood and then you have the mom that's always in her mask and she just um doesn't like to address emotions or doesn't like to talk about like like with my mom love her.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_00: But with my mom like I'm still working on getting her to feel comfortable understanding emotions or like the impact of your words and how that affects me emotionally.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes you may be doing it from a good heart you may be well intentioned you may want the best from you well when you say that it makes me feel bad.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel good when you say that and I had to get comfortable with communicating to my mom at that level because there was such a disconnect with vulnerability between us where like I couldn't emotionally express.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's like weird because like so my father passed away a couple years ago and now my mom's like out dating and she like calls me up and just like so I was on a date with this guy.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like I like this is weird we've never had this type of relationship before and now you're like talking to me about your dating life and I never see my mom date my entire life so it's like this is weird but I'm trying to hold space I'm trying to make it comfortable for her but it's like super awkward but we've been really trying to work on that relationship over here because there was it was very void of the emotional support.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yes I have the same exact relationship with my mother she is so smart but I I I don't know if you remember the signs I'm all water science I've been like an emotional person my whole life and both of my parents are very opposite of that.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm a triple so I'm Pisces uh is my main one rising is cancer and then moon is Scorpio.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_02: So like all the water and I think that I um I really shut that piece of down growing up because I did not know how to deal with all of that.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_02: And my parents were very much both in their masculine and I love them.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_02: It was great.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_02: I really appreciate you saying that of like you can grow up with two parents in a peaceful house and still need I think a lot of us like bypass our own needs because we're like what do I really have to complain about my parents were together you know but really we're learning a lot about relationships with everything in those like formative years.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_02: So I love that you start your program with let's figure out what's here.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_02: What are these stories and subconscious beliefs that are really running in the background and then from that place of awareness we can start to untangle and deconstruct and rebuild something more powerful.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: Before we go into the million tangents that I feel like Ryan I have, can you let's hit on adapters Because that one, when you first said it, even the word, I was like, Oh, there's something here for me.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the adapters are interesting.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's one of the harder patterns I feel like to break.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like the adapters and the sexuals are two of the harder patterns to break.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: But the adapters are difficult to break because they typically don't have a lot of like relationship experience.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: So they kind of adapt to the beliefs and the experience of everyone around them and to what they see.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, and they tend to be more drawn to negativity and negative experiences.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_00: So they're taking on other people's problems, they're learning, they're observing what their friends and their family members and what they've seen on social media, what they see.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: So they have like these ideas, and it's just like you don't actually have that experience.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: But because you don't have that experience, all you can do is draw from everything else that you see.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, for example, I had a matchmaking client years ago.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: I always laugh about this because she was definitely the one who taught me about the adapter, right?
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: So she was almost 30, didn't really have much relationship, never been in a long-term relationship.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and can I just say this also for any of you listening?
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you are a woman who you're about 30 or over 30 or over 40, and you've never had a long-term committed relationship or never been married, you're not alone.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot more common than what people talk about, you know, that there are a lot of women and men, I'm sure, who have never actually had an actual relationship and they're adults, like they're fully adults.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to kind of put that out there.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_00: But um, but she was about 30, never been married, um, never been in a long-term relationship.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so I remember one time she I introduced her to a guy and he was interested, and she was like really excited and interested about him.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: So then all the relationship anxiety starts coming up, right?
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: What if this and what if that?
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: And what if he doesn't like me and all these things, right?
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: So she says to me one day, she's like, you know, he texts me um, good morning every morning.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, what's what's the problem?
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, well, you know, I just feel like he's one of those guys, you know, like how they say on Twitter, like he's probably texting like 10 other girls, and it's like a copy and paste message.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what?
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, we're like, where did you just come up with that?
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: Based upon a meme that you saw on Twitter, you just let your mind wander into this space of negativity and just assuming that he must be texting 10 other girls and that he's not really being authentic with you.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: He's not really interested in just all this negativity, right?
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, okay, so let's just say that's true.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, at least you made it to the rotation, you're winning.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's just focus on you.
• 46:41
  unknown: Okay.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like relax, like you're just like coming up with all these things.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that was part of her problems.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_00: But with my adapters, that tends to be their thing.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're trying to figure it out based upon the negative experiences that they witness and what they're trying to avoid.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they usually don't have a good support system around them when it comes to their relationships or the support system that they have is very negative.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_00: So they may have a lot of friends or sisters who are just like, men are trash, men are terrible, all relationships are bad.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_00: They've never seen a good relationship up close.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_00: So they don't have anything to model.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_00: So all they know is what they want to avoid out of fear, right?
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: So helping them like that's a really great part of them coming into a community because it offers them a new perspective.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then they can learn from other women and they can see positive experiences and positive outcomes.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it helps them over time to reprogram and then to start looking for positive modeling and not just a negative modeling.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: So we've been starting to get a lot more adapters, especially women who are, let's say, early to late 30s, who don't have a lot of relationship experience, but they're finally ready and are like, you know, I know I need to get out here and you know, I want to get married or I want to do this.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been avoiding this aspect of my life.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: So they've been just been drawing off the negative experiences or very little personal relationship experiences.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to really um immerse them in a community and into new experiences that give them something else to look at.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so the idea of the inner critic is really loud for the adapters.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I certainly can relate to that.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I liked what you said about healing comes through community.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_02: And that has been my biggest takeaway the like past two years, especially since COVID, of getting in community, being around other people, um, especially like those five voices that you surround yourself with every day.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_02: Are they a positive influence or a negative influence?
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_02: And like, man, that on all levels.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_02: I I oh my gosh, I could listen to you talk all day long, Sarah.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_02: Seriously.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I I was gonna say, I feel like this is a common subconscious thing that we have in society.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's a it's a common thread here where a lot of us connect or have been taught to connect through negative experiences, through complaining.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_01: So it's easy for us to then be like, yeah, well, this happened and this is a bad experience.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_01: And like then we're we're complaining, we're criticizing, we're we're always looking at this negative side of the coin when really it's a practice to start explaining the positive sides of things.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not in a community that also understands that perspective, that like we need to switch how we're connecting a little bit.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it's gonna take some time, it's baby steps, but it's it's developing that habit and strengthening that muscle of connecting with people in like a motivational, inspirational life can be really challenging, but community can lift us up if we take a look at that perspective.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_00: And like one thing that I have everyone in a program has to do.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one of the things that we work on is getting what I call marriage mentors, which are really just finding examples, um, whether it's in your personal life or it could be through social media, it could be celebrities, like it doesn't really matter.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_00: But like whatever those negative limiting beliefs that you have around like so your self-worth when it comes to relationships, finding um examples that contradicts that.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, like for example, women, and it's so crazy because the beliefs that we'll have is like, you know that that's not true.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like you know that that's not true, right?
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_00: But somewhere you've read something or you've heard something or you've questioned something about yourself, and now you've locked onto that belief, and then that script is running in the subconscious, and you're showing up based upon that belief, right?
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just take you can have a woman who's like, oh, well, I'm 35 and I'm just so old, and like men will not want me because I'm 35 and I'm too old, and you know, my time has passed, so I'm just gonna focus on going on girls' trips for the rest of my life and like hang it up, right?
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just like, okay, so I want you to go out there and find three examples of women who are 35 and over who are in happy, healthy relationships, right?
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's not 100% true, but somewhere you picked up this belief, and now you're locked in on that belief.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_00: And now that's all that you're drawn to is proof and evidence that that belief is true.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_00: So we need to affirm a new positive belief that expands your mindset, and then you can start to under, oh, wait, well, there are lots of examples, or let's say a woman's a divorcee, and like, well, men don't want divorcees.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, we know that's not true, right?
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go and look for examples, whether in your personal life or celebrities on social media of positive examples where you're seeing women who have been divorced or have gone through long-term relationships and they're now in happy, healthy relationships, right?
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, because it's not a fact, you know, it's just a belief, and we have to shift that belief.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, definitely that community and having that support and other examples is like really important.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_02: Showing possibility is popping up a lot for me lately in everything, but it it's that I think is the answer.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_02: I I've been asking myself, what what are the tasks to do to kind of help curb this relationship I have with my inner critic and this these negative thought patterns and beliefs?
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I think that's it, right?
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_02: Is finding examples of possibility.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_02: And in my business, I've noticed like when I'm feeling like stuck, how could I ever grow?
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's unsustainable.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_02: The first step for me is finding examples of other women, usually who have done it in the way I want to do it.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then all of a sudden, what used to feel like this hard shut door, if I can just see the possibility and open that door, then the creativity and the ideas start flowing, and I'm starting to rewrite that negative belief that I have and am operating under, right?
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_02: So I love what a great idea to get positive a marriage mentor.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_02: That is genius.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_02: I just absolutely love that.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that coupled with like, you know, even just being on like our weekly group calls, because we do a call every week.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_00: So being on the weekly group calls and seeing women, you know, you come into this container like for a year.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you get to see them evolve over time.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_00: You get to see their growth in relationships.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, for some of them, you get to see them coming from in the relationship.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm thinking of one right now who just sent me an invitation to her wedding in Canada in February, you know, but this literally this time last year, she joined the program and felt like because she was a divorcee and she was in like her 30s, and because she was a doctor, that men wouldn't be attracted to her, that they she didn't want a man to only want her because of those things.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_00: And she thought because she was a divorcee, men would reject her.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: And she had all these like limiting beliefs, and she just kept showing up for herself, kept moving forward, and now she's getting married in February, you know.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like amazing that like a lot can change in a year if you wanted to, and her coming into that space.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to now go to like a wedding in Canada, right?
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_00: So that's great for me.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_00: But um, you know, it's it's so much can change when you have that support, when you feel supported and you have that guidance and you have that clarity, you have that sense of community around you.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: And for women, we thrive in community, like we need that village, and we often don't have that.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_02: How good does it feel to get sorry, Brian?
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_02: How good does it feel to get a wedding invitation for one of your clients?
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love this is a this is my second wedding invitation in the past like uh six months.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that one got married in June, and then the other, well, she she set her date, and then I have two more that are engaged that they haven't set their dates yet.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it's um it's amazing.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like it makes me feel good.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's expensive.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_00: But um, you know, it's it's amazing to know that you are a part of this process of something that's very meaningful.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, it's very impactful to their life to know that even if they don't find a partner, like I tell them, um, we have like these marriage, I have like, well, not marriage, we have these courtship milestones, right?
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are different milestones that tell them don't focus on getting the partner.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for some of you, that's not really where you are yet.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_00: You need to focus on like moving a milestone, which is like for some of them, it's some some women struggle just 30 days consistently, like how to consistently just get to know a man for 30 days straight.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_00: For some, that may seem like what 30 days is four weeks.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_00: But for them, because of their fears or their anxieties or the stress that they put themselves under, they don't know how to communicate or connect in a way that can even successfully get them to 30 days.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I teach them how to do it in a more feminine aligned way, in a more intuitive way that feels good and it feels easy so that they can naturally just get to that first milestone.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: Then after that, it's like getting to 90 days or exclusivity and then getting to like six months, then getting to like engagement marriage, like how to actually navigate these different milestones so that you're also, you know, we we talk about celebrating yourself along the way.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to only celebrate when you get the relationship or the marriage.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can celebrate, like, wow, like this time last year, I couldn't even get to like 90 days with the guy consistently.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_00: And now I see the progress of where I am.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_00: So we make sure, like, what's the how are you gonna reward yourself when you make your next milestone?
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like we really um put in that, you know, just that idea of celebrating yourself, just like you would in business, you know, how are you gonna reward yourself for your next?
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really like the same type of you know, energy and psychology.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was I was gonna say as you're as you're speaking about all of this, like the parallels between this and business are are insanely amazing.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like it's kind of like what's the common denominator here?
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it's the relationship that you have with yourself.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_01: That is the foundation for all of the other relationships that you have in your life, the relationship with a romantic partner, the relationship that you have with your business, the relationship that you have with your clients.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like how validating for you doing this work to go from just matchmaking where it's kind of like more of the like the surface level aspect of like all of the answers are outside of us, to then reeling it back in and to be like, actually, all of the answers are inside of us.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like to see all of these amazing milestones and like big celebrations happening with clients.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_01: And like, I'm sure if they're also growing a business, like if we were to put their achievements on a chart, like I'm sure that you would see results in both aspects.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_00: We see some of them in the time and go in the program, they get like promotions or they change careers or they do some because so when they come into the program, we have them not, we don't just focus on setting relationship goals.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_00: I make them set three to five personal goals as well.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just so they can like have some because when you're working on your personal goals and improving the quality of your life, you're gonna feel more in your worth.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna feel more worthy, you're gonna feel more confident.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to get you aligned in both areas.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_00: So we have them set personal goals.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_00: So some of them, they take their first, you know, solo trip that they've always wanted to do but never had the courage to do.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they sign up and start going.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have a client who she started taking horseback riding lessons and doing things that, you know, felt good because we talk about the importance of creating like a captivating life, right?
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_00: So um doing things that makes you feel good and makes you feel more in your power so that when you're meeting a potential partner, you feel more confident, you feel more worthy, you feel more grounded and whole, uh, you feel more authentic to who you are, and then you understand like it, you don't have to put all your focus and energy on him.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, pull your energy back into yourself, keep pouring into your own cup, and then letting everyone else get the overflow.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, how can you create a more captivating life?
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that is a great idea.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I love the whole message behind what you're saying is, and I think we do this in business, it's a lot of focusing on the other.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_02: And how we hear it in business is ideal client, and where are they?
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_02: And learn everything about them.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_02: And why are why are my clients saying this?
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_02: And everything is about them, but really it has to start with you and your relationship and building those muscles of self-worth and confidence.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_02: And it's the same in dating.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_02: I hear mostly he and guys suck, and can you believe what's out there?
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_02: And he did this and that.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_02: And what you're saying is no, if we want to respin this and have the more empowering take on it, it's all got to start with us.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_02: And what am I doing in my own life to cultivate um, you know, more self-worth and more confidence and to have a more captivating life?
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_02: That is just such a beautiful lesson.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_02: And what I think is so cool, Bizarra, is you have created this.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_02: This is something that came from you, and you giving yourself space to listen to the creative nudges and the intuition.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_02: And you've put together this insane program that people are getting incredible results from.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_02: And it all just came from intuition and listening and watching patterns and combining that smart girl with the feminine energy side.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_02: And look at what it's created.
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_02: That is just fine.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_00: I get to like I feel very blessed.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel super, like I get so grateful and like sometimes it's emotional about it.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm like, I get to actually wake up and doing something that feels good, and it's like authentic and effortless.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like that, the coaching aspect is authentic and effortless to me.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the marketing and all the doing, right?
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's where like I am like struggle because I had to really teach myself discipline to grow the business.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_00: But like, as far as like talking to my clients and coaching and drawing these connections and parallels, like it comes so easy for me.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_00: And to be able to do something that feels easy because when I was doing matchmaking, it felt forced and it didn't feel good and it felt heavy.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that I had to stop doing it, but I also was scared because it it literally felt like I was divorcing myself and divorcing an identity that I had built up and I had all these fears like, well, this is what people know me for, and this is why people like me, and this is why people connect with me.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if I disconnect from that, then who am I?
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_00: What do I have to offer?
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_00: Will people actually, you know, want to work with me?
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_00: What you just said about like the ideal client, and um, you know, that's where all the focus is.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have like the the beliefs that someone may have about relationship.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_00: You made me think about like um that inner critic, right?
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_00: That you spoke about earlier, and how it's the same thing as saying like people will never pay for this, but no one will want to sign up for this business, but I don't think I can charge that much, right?
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the same thing.
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, who's gonna where I don't know where to find these clients and like the same thing, right?
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_00: So even when we talk about like in the program, we talk about like that idle partner is just like the idle client, right?
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about relationship branding, just like we talk about business branding, like where are you positioning yourself?
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how do you show up, like your perceived value versus the actual value?
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how are you aligning that?
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I use all of these parallels because that's how I understand, right?
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_00: That smart girl logic, like that's how I compute it.
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that's how I know how to draw those connections.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I went to a sales conference yesterday, and they literally the takeaway is the old days of all of these very um male bro marketing techniques are done, and actually it's all about relationships and relationship building.
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_02: And if you can really understand the art behind cultivating meaningful relationships with people, you know, not only is that gonna pay off in your personal life, it's gonna pay off in your business.
• 1:03:10
  SPEAKER_02: And that's really where that long-term magic comes from with marketing efforts.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_02: So, and I just like even when I'm teaching sales, I'm talking about it's like dating, you know, on the first date, would you propose?
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_02: No, you have to build that relationship.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_02: So it's really cool to watch how these like uh conversations and like threads of ideas are so like exactly, and by improving one, and it really starts with what you've said of like something feels off, something is out of alignment with what I'm doing.
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, that's step one.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_02: Step two is then being brave enough to go in and look at yourself and really shine light, right?
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like I recently have like I'm talking about like within like the last week, decided on like, okay, next year, like this is going to, I'm just simplifying my business model.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_00: I have to come do a completely different launch model because like I was have been doing live launching for the past year and a half and I hate it.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I hate the showing up on live and talking to it, just doesn't feel right.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm actually about to go into a launch period right now.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is like the last launch period ever.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not doing this anymore because it's like it doesn't feel good.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to that energy to have to show up on live three days a week or however many days and keep going live and keep trying, like it just doesn't feel natural and authentic to me.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's not where I shine.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to chart, that's why I loved you guys like asking me to be on this podcast so much because I changed my launch model to like, you know what, during a two or three week period, I need to just like do like media sprints, like get on a bunch of different podcasts and collabs.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because when people are interviewing me and I'm having a conversation, that's when I shine.
• 1:04:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's when I show up my best.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that like when I'm in that energy and I connect with other audiences, like that is what gravitates people to me, not me just showing up by myself.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_00: I need that that conversation that interviewing where I can really is really display my expertise and my knowledge and information.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_01: Zara, you are speaking, our language on literally like I think more levels than you might even realize.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like me and Shay just, I think, yeah, we released the episode about like intentional marketing and like building a business and and growing it and increasing visibility that like supports the season that you're in and supports how you want to show up.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because like we've all been trained in this business world to like, this is what you have to do, this is what you have to do.
• 1:05:52
  SPEAKER_01: When really we're learning through self reflection in all of these different areas, whether it's romantic relationships.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_01: Business, whatever it is, self-reflection and getting to know you and what you like, that's the game changer.
• 1:06:07
  SPEAKER_01: Getting clear on that, and even you being like, listen, I love doing QAs.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I literally say that to Shay all the time.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I would spend my life doing QAs.
• 1:06:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like, how do we build a foundation that supports in that way that I want to show up?
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because like having on and off and launch periods.
• 1:06:27
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, for me, planning a launch three months in advance when I don't know where my energy levels are going to be.
• 1:06:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what's going to happen in my personal life.
• 1:06:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like for me to commit to that, I'm just like, I physically cannot.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_01: So then I cannot create a business built around that because it's going to feel suffocating for me.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, how do I build this foundation that allows me the flexibility to do whatever the hell I want to do?
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's why I'm in business.
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that that was me 100%.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to, just like Shay was saying about like looking for those examples in business, right?
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_00: I started saying, like, okay, whose business models do I actually like?
• 1:07:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, who do I actually like how they show up in the business space?
• 1:07:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I like, like, I love Ryan Holliday, the author.
• 1:07:18
  SPEAKER_00: I love Esther Perel, the relationship therapist.
• 1:07:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I like these people who they show up in their expertise by just like talking, showing their knowledge.
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_00: They do a lot of interviews.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they they, you know, you still I can still nurture them.
• 1:07:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like they have their newsletters and Esther has her podcast.
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_00: You have these other natural and authentic ways that they show up that's naturally aligned with who they are.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but they're not showing up on lives, just doing a bunch of that.
• 1:07:43
  SPEAKER_00: They it's when they feel like it, when they probably feel that inspiration too.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_00: But like I'm okay with just like nurturing and writing email or newsletter and just nurturing and showing up on my podcast, which feels good and it feels natural, and then getting on other people's platforms and interviewing because it feels good and it feels natural, and not this launch, you know, technique that I've been taught.
• 1:08:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it works, it does work if you do it.
• 1:08:10
  SPEAKER_00: But like you said, energetically, it feels heavy, it feels forced.
• 1:08:15
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't feel like you said, some days I wake up and I'm like, I don't feel like doing this today.
• 1:08:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's and I don't want to force it because then I know I'm not showing up in my best.
• 1:08:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, I rather, you know, say, hey, can I jump on your podcast during these weeks and I get a bunch of different podcasts and do a media sprint, just like if someone's dropping an album or a book and they're doing a press tour, that feels natural for me.
• 1:08:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm so excited to be testing that launch model out because, like I said, it feels more connected to who I am.
• 1:08:44
  SPEAKER_00: It feels more natural, it feels more authentic.
• 1:08:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I just know that if I'm doing what feels right, everything else will fall into place.
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm very confident about that.
• 1:08:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow, that's like um a tagline for the podcast we could take.
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, we're gonna have to have part two where we check back in, but that really is the takeaway.
• 1:09:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I liked what you said about um, you know, I'm sure that the live launch it does work, and I'm sure it works.
• 1:09:13
  SPEAKER_02: All of this stuff can work, you know, and I'm sure it works really well with certain personalities.
• 1:09:19
  SPEAKER_02: But that was for me.
• 1:09:20
  SPEAKER_02: The thought of that is like, oh wow, no way.
• 1:09:23
  SPEAKER_02: But then the thought of um being on podcasts and having uh really cool conversations with women I enjoy that I feel like here right now in this moment, I'm shining my light and showing up in a way that feels aligned.
• 1:09:35
  SPEAKER_02: That feels fun and exciting.
• 1:09:37
  SPEAKER_02: And when I wake up in the I woke up this morning excited to talk to you, like what an incredible business that I get to run.
• 1:09:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I am now seeing more success by leaning into what I like and what lights me up.
• 1:09:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it's just so opposite from what you hear, which is you need to study these frameworks and implement this model the exact way that I said.
• 1:09:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's almost freeing, right?
• 1:10:00
  SPEAKER_02: It just feels I love that you're connecting to feeling like that's been a big compass for me in my business.
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_02: How does this feel in my body?
• 1:10:08
  SPEAKER_02: And when it's feeling heavy, what do we need to do?
• 1:10:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like something's off.
• 1:10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it I remember I was just feeling super stressed out a couple, maybe about a it was in October.
• 1:10:20
  SPEAKER_00: So about a two months ago.
• 1:10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I just like, I need to just go for a walk.
• 1:10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I just put on my headphones and I went for a walk and I was like listening to like classical music or something while I was walking and just trying to like figure out what works.
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then that's what came to me like, who do I actually like how they show up online, and why can't I do more of that?
• 1:10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I would love to do like a TED talk and all those types of things, like that feels more like me versus this like idea of this very uh extroverted energy.
• 1:10:49
  SPEAKER_00: I enjoy conversation, you know, that's where I shine an intimate conversation.
• 1:10:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's that makes me feel good.
• 1:10:55
  SPEAKER_00: So definitely building a business that feels intuitive, that feels aligned with who you are, that feels authentic because it's not forced then.
• 1:11:04
  SPEAKER_00: It feels good to get up in the morning, it feels good to provide value and you can actually do it.
• 1:11:10
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so I'm excited about that.
• 1:11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to come back and tell you the results of that in like six months and say, okay, it's not working.
• 1:11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh no, it it will, it will work.
• 1:11:21
  SPEAKER_01: It definitely will.
• 1:11:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's so it's so funny, just like full circle of like same thing with dating, right?
• 1:11:31
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna go and try to meet a dude at a bar when you hate drinking.
• 1:11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:11:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's the same thing.
• 1:11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just there's there's just so many parallels.
• 1:11:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that this conversation was so enlightening in like like taking this thread and like with the needle and bringing it to every little facet of everything.
• 1:11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 1:11:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because like I always say that our biggest growth in this life is through relationships, whether it's a relationship with a partner, with a friend, with your business, with your clients, with your money, with your marketing, it's literally all about relationships.
• 1:12:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it all stems from the relationship that we have with ourselves.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm really glad that you kind of opened the door and walked us through and gave us like a little taste of your perspective of how you do that with your clients in a in a dating aspect, because even from a business aspect, like that is insanely valuable.
• 1:12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like when you do that work, I don't think that there's anybody that will regret doing that work because you're going to see the tangible results and benefits going through every single aspect of your life.
• 1:12:48
  SPEAKER_01: So, Zara, thank you so much for coming on here.
• 1:12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you for having me.
• 1:12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I absolutely loved every single thing about this conversation.
• 1:12:55
  SPEAKER_00: You guys energized me for the rest of the day.
• 1:12:57
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm not gonna let you go yet.
• 1:13:00
  SPEAKER_02: I have one more question.
• 1:13:01
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay, I'm here.
• 1:13:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm here.
• 1:13:03
  SPEAKER_02: We're we're good.
• 1:13:04
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you just gave that example of walking.
• 1:13:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a big Ryan Holiday fan too.
• 1:13:09
  SPEAKER_02: And he actually talks about walking as like a superpower.
• 1:13:12
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'd love to kind of close on what are some of the ways that we can start tapping in, building that muscle, getting into queen energy.
• 1:13:22
  SPEAKER_02: For me, walking, and you guys can read the signs about this on your own.
• 1:13:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like walking, it allows me to get out of logical brain, get into my body.
• 1:13:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then um, the same reason why people get inspiration in the shower, there's something about getting into your body and through walks, through showering, through self-care that really lets that creativity muscle open up.
• 1:13:43
  SPEAKER_02: Can you share with us like some other maybe simple takeaways or practices that you do to kind of get still and listen to intuition?
• 1:13:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um, especially so I'm definitely the shower girl.
• 1:13:54
  SPEAKER_00: I get so much inspiration in shower showers.
• 1:13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm just like, I need to go take a shower because that water, it just like allows me to kind of just tap out and think.
• 1:14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, definitely going for walks, spending time in nature, meditation, stillness.
• 1:14:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, one of the things with like my clients, they struggle a lot with stillness, like this idea of do nothing.
• 1:14:13
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, oh, this guy he sent me, what am I supposed to do?
• 1:14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I have a he wants to go on a date and I'm not sure what I need to do.
• 1:14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, just do nothing.
• 1:14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Do nothing.
• 1:14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's one of the ways that I teach them to get through like the first 30 days of like courtship.
• 1:14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do nothing.
• 1:14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Just let him come to you, you know.
• 1:14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, let him kind of do a lot of the initiation, let him do a lot of the planning.
• 1:14:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're just observing him, observing how he shows up, observing how you feel about how you're connecting with him, observing his lifestyle, not just what he says, but how is he spending his time?
• 1:14:47
  SPEAKER_00: What does he value?
• 1:14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're just leaning all into your feminine intuition and your observation.
• 1:14:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it's the same thing, right?
• 1:14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like tapping into that is just really taking the time to slow down and just be with yourself.
• 1:15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when it's warm, it's not really warm right now, but I'll just sit on my balcony.
• 1:15:06
  SPEAKER_00: I can sit on my balcony for hours doing nothing.
• 1:15:11
  SPEAKER_00: And just like just breathing and relaxing, and I'll burn some sage or some incense or something and just doing nothing, you know, movement, dancing, um, being by water, all of that.
• 1:15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one thing that we talked about was uh one of the meditations that I do with the women um in my program, just to remind them to always come back to their throne and um being in what I call like their captivating queen energy, and imagining themselves, you know, sitting on their throne with their crown on their head, in their gown, and that power that you feel.
• 1:15:47
  SPEAKER_00: But queens aren't frantic.
• 1:15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Queens aren't running around, they're not doing all the things.
• 1:15:54
  SPEAKER_00: They really know how to just come back to their throne and slow down when there's some type of um something crazy going on in the kingdom.
• 1:16:04
  SPEAKER_00: You don't see queens losing it and going bad shit over it.
• 1:16:07
  SPEAKER_00: They come back, they'll say, I need to take a moment to respond, right?
• 1:16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And they'll take time to slow down and to really think about how do I want to approach this to get a particular outcome?
• 1:16:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, how am I going to how communicate this, right?
• 1:16:22
  SPEAKER_00: They can be graceful yet firm, right?
• 1:16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone respects the queen.
• 1:16:27
  SPEAKER_00: They allow themselves to be served, they allow people to support them.
• 1:16:31
  SPEAKER_00: They don't feel like they have to have it all together, have do it all.
• 1:16:34
  SPEAKER_00: They know how to get the support, get the help, allow themselves to receive, allow themselves to be taken care of.
• 1:16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yet they're still, they can still communicate what it is that they want.
• 1:16:46
  SPEAKER_00: They still have no problem, um, you know, being graceful and firm and in their power.
• 1:16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they're not in a anxious and just going off.
• 1:16:57
  SPEAKER_00: And even if they lose it for a moment, they know how to recenter, come back to their place of power, right?
• 1:17:02
  SPEAKER_00: They train their entire lives for that, right?
• 1:17:05
  SPEAKER_00: So reminding women that like every single time you're in this like super reactive space and you're not being intuitive, you're not coming back to this place, you're abandoning your throne.
• 1:17:13
  SPEAKER_00: And queens don't abandon their throne.
• 1:17:16
  SPEAKER_00: So just come back to your throne and slow down and think about what is it that I need to do to have the type of outcome that I actually want.
• 1:17:24
  SPEAKER_00: So you're responsive and not reactive.
• 1:17:27
  SPEAKER_00: So that's one of the tools and techniques that I teach them to do.
• 1:17:30
  SPEAKER_02: Just giving yourself permission to say, I need a minute, let me have some space with this, is huge.
• 1:17:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because we're all expected to like produce and be talking and I feel like so, allowing there to be space and stillness and play, and you know, just letting that and not shaming yourself when you do go into those things, like that is a game changer.
• 1:17:56
  SPEAKER_02: Let let it let there be some awkward pauses.
• 1:17:58
  SPEAKER_02: There's really a lot of power.
• 1:18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Awkward pauses.
• 1:18:01
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 1:18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, more awkward pauses in life.
• 1:18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 1:18:07
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 1:18:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we have one final question that we like to ask all of our guests, Zara.
• 1:18:14
  SPEAKER_02: Can you tell us what has been sparking your curiosity in the last few weeks?
• 1:18:20
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
• 1:18:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what's been sparking like just anything?
• 1:18:25
  SPEAKER_02: Anything at all that you have um noticed and wanted to explore a little more?
• 1:18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's a great question.
• 1:18:34
  SPEAKER_00: What's been sparking my curiosity?
• 1:18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think that the thing that sparks my curiosity more than anything is is me.
• 1:18:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm always super curious about me.
• 1:18:45
  SPEAKER_00: I love this.
• 1:18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just trying to figure out like, what are you doing?
• 1:18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you doing that?
• 1:18:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, why do you feel that way?
• 1:18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, slowing down, taking time to understand like why I'm even feeling or why I'm experiencing certain things, like you're going through this experience for a reason.
• 1:19:03
  SPEAKER_00: What is it that you need to learn?
• 1:19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what is it that you aren't doing?
• 1:19:07
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes just being real, raw and honest with myself, like you know, you're not doing the things that you should be doing to get the results that you want.
• 1:19:15
  SPEAKER_00: And like you have to take ownership of that.
• 1:19:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I think just kind of tapping into myself, like even what I talked about, like the business model and trying to figure out like what actually works for me, what actually feels right.
• 1:19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's been something that's been kind of heavy for me.
• 1:19:28
  SPEAKER_00: And curious about who do I need to become in the new year?
• 1:19:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's been a big thing for me because I did an annual review, like an annual reflection with a friend, and I was really sad because I was we were both super sad because we looked and we're like, oh, like we have all these points on the scoreboard for like our business is doing well, we're like moving and we're improving and like life is going good in the business department.
• 1:19:55
  SPEAKER_00: But then when we started adding up the points for our personal life, like, oh, this is sad.
• 1:20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like we haven't really made much progress in our personal goals over the last 12 months because we've been so focused on showing up in our business.
• 1:20:09
  SPEAKER_00: So now what do I need to do to balance it out?
• 1:20:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I told myself that next year is really going to be solely focused on health and wealth.
• 1:20:18
  SPEAKER_00: So when I saw that I didn't have enough health and wealth points on the scoreboard, it's just like, oh, okay, this is why you've been feeling off balance sometimes.
• 1:20:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is why you've been feeling like the business model has like you're not balancing out your energy in these spaces.
• 1:20:33
  SPEAKER_00: So like you have to put more points on the board in this area of your life.
• 1:20:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, I look forward to I really want to um try ballroom dancing.
• 1:20:41
  SPEAKER_00: I always wanted to take ballroom dancing lessons.
• 1:20:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, you know what?
• 1:20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Next year I'm gonna take some ballroom dancing lessons I want to learn.
• 1:20:48
  SPEAKER_00: I've always wanted to do that since a little kid.
• 1:20:50
  SPEAKER_00: I always thought it was like feminine and graceful and a great workout and just something fun to do.
• 1:20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, if my new hobby is ballroom dancing, like that's cool.
• 1:20:59
  SPEAKER_00: That'll give me something to look forward to to balance out um my energies and my day.
• 1:21:04
  SPEAKER_00: So that's something I've been really curious about is figuring out how I can create more balance and points on the board in that area of my life.
• 1:21:12
  SPEAKER_02: What a grand slam of an answer.
• 1:21:14
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 1:21:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can I can relate so much on that.
• 1:21:18
  SPEAKER_01: You have to keep us posted on how ballroom dancing goes because I've been getting visions of like me taking dance classes.
• 1:21:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, like I'm gonna use, I'm gonna spark my own curiosity through your experience right now.
• 1:21:31
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to keep me posted on that.
• 1:21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm I'm excited.
• 1:21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've been watching like a lot of dancing with the stars, and I've been like, I want to do that.
• 1:21:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm gonna lie to I've always that in figure skating as like a little girl.
• 1:21:44
  SPEAKER_00: I always was like obsessed with watching.
• 1:21:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't want to figure skate because I'm afraid to like break something, but ballroom dancing.
• 1:21:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think I can handle being on my feet.
• 1:21:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm looking forward to that.
• 1:21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm definitely excited to hear how those experiences go for you.
• 1:22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so the last question, I'm pretty sure, I think.
• 1:22:04
  SPEAKER_01: So tell our listeners where they can find and connect with you.
• 1:22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 1:22:09
  SPEAKER_00: So the website is captivatingcourship.com.
• 1:22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can also check out the course ship code podcast on any podcast platform.
• 1:22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's where we talk to our smart, ambitious, successful women about how to court for commitment and really use that combination of psychology, spirituality, and matchmaking techniques to do so.
• 1:22:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and those in many ways and on Instagram um at Zara JCaptivating Porsche.
• 1:22:36
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, perfect.
• 1:22:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're gonna put all of those links in the show notes.
• 1:22:41
  SPEAKER_01: And then I just want to make a really quick shout out to Aaron Lindstrom for creating Human Being Club and for bringing us all together because like this has been just such a beautiful conversation.
• 1:22:53
  SPEAKER_01: But I think we're ready to close this one down.
• 1:22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Jay, you have anything else?
• 1:22:58
  unknown: Good.
• 1:22:58
  SPEAKER_01: You feel good?
• 1:22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, cool.
• 1:23:00
  SPEAKER_01: So if you guys enjoyed this conversation as much as we did, feel free to reach out and share it with a friend that you think would also enjoy it.
• 1:23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you want to share it on social media, tag us, whatever it is, we would love to connect with you.
• 1:23:17
  SPEAKER_02: And as always, thank you so much for listening and for your support.
• 1:23:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like Mariah said, um, the best thing you can do to support us is to share this with your friends, leave us a review, you know, get the word out there.
• 1:23:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we are just absolutely loving getting to hold space for these really powerful conversations among women to happen.
• 1:23:37
  SPEAKER_02: And we would love to keep going.
• 1:23:38
  SPEAKER_02: So please help us spread the word.
• 1:23:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, in the name of following curiosity and um allowing intuitive business owners to find more community.
• 1:23:49
  SPEAKER_02: Mariah and I have some exciting live workshops planned in the new year.
• 1:23:53
  SPEAKER_02: So keep an eye out for more information on those.
• 1:23:56
  SPEAKER_02: Make sure to follow us on Instagram.
• 1:23:59
  SPEAKER_02: And until next time, remember that you have the power to literally create anything you want.
• 1:24:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, Zara has been such a fantastic example of that.
• 1:24:09
  SPEAKER_02: We again just want to encourage you, follow the nudge when it pops up in your life.
• 1:24:14
  SPEAKER_02: Ask questions and continue to let curiosity guide the way.
• 1:24:18
  SPEAKER_02: And until then, we'll see you in the next episode.