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#HURDLEMOMENT: How To Identify Patterns That Are Holding You Back · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: What's working this week? It's actually a life changing question
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Speaker 1: when you're in pain.
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Speaker 2: What's going on? Everyone?
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Speaker 3: Emily Badi Here, you are listening to another episode of Hurdle.
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Speaker 2: A willness focus podcast.
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Speaker 3: Reconnect with everyone from your favorite athletes to top experts
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Speaker 3: and industry CEOs about their highest highs, toughest moments, and
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Speaker 3: everything in between. We all go through hurdles in life,
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Speaker 3: and my goal through these discussions is to empower you
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Speaker 3: to better navigate yours and move with intention so that
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Speaker 3: you can stride towards your own big potential and of
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Speaker 3: course have some.
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Speaker 2: Fun along the way.
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Speaker 3: For today's episode, I am chatting with Danielle Laporte. She
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Speaker 3: is a best selling author for new book How to
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Speaker 3: Be Loving is out now to that in the show notes.
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Speaker 3: She's also the creator of the Heart Centered Membership and
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Speaker 3: the Heart Centered Leadership Program, as well as a member
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Speaker 3: of oprah's Super Soul one hundred and the former director
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Speaker 3: of a Future Studies think Take in Washington, d C.
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Speaker 3: These days, she now speaks about the intelligence of the heart,
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Speaker 3: which brings me to the topic of today's podcast.
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Speaker 2: Today, Danielle joins me to.
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Speaker 3: Chat all about how to identify patterns that hold us back.
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Speaker 3: It sounds simple enough, but so many of us stuck
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Speaker 3: in the same cycles, and today Danielle is giving us
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Speaker 3: the lowdown on how to break these negative patterns. She
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Speaker 3: offers up a way to distinguish between the patterns in
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Speaker 3: our life that serve us versus those that do not,
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Speaker 3: what the difference is between a heart choice and an
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Speaker 3: ego choice, and how to make more choices that are
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Speaker 3: rooted in heart. Plus, she gives us the lowdown on
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Speaker 3: what shadow work in her child work. We've heard these
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Speaker 3: terms before, what they really mean helping us get to
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Speaker 3: that point where we feel as though it is possible
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Speaker 3: to make better decisions that.
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Speaker 2: Truly serve us.
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Speaker 3: Really loved this convo, so glad that Danielle and I
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Speaker 3: were able to make it happen.
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Speaker 2: She's a busy, busy lady.
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Speaker 3: Like I said at the top of this Her new
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Speaker 3: book is called How to Be Loving.
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Speaker 2: She is known by many for.
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Speaker 3: Another one of her titles, The Desire Map, so check
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Speaker 3: them out. I'll link them in the show notes. Make
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Speaker 3: sure you are following along with Hurdle over on social
2:42
Speaker 3: It's at Hurdle Podcast. I myself am over at Emily
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Speaker 3: a body. An official announcement for Los Angeles folks. I'm
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Speaker 3: going to be hosting another conversation on Runner safety on
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Speaker 3: March fifteenth over in Venice at the Rose Room. The
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Speaker 3: Red Streation link will be live soon, so stay tuned,
3:04
Speaker 3: but take this as your official save the date. If
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Speaker 3: you've got a listener question, remember I want to hear
3:11
Speaker 3: them leave me a voice message.
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Speaker 2: The link to do that is in the show notes.
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Speaker 3: That's all the housekeeping for now. With that, let's get
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Speaker 3: to it. Let's get to a hurdling. Today, I am
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Speaker 3: sitting down with Danielle Laporte. She's the author of the
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Speaker 3: new book The Desire Map. She's also a member of
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Speaker 3: Oprah's Super Soul one hundred.
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Speaker 2: How are you doing today, Danielle.
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Speaker 1: I'm doing great. We got our technology worked out. I'm
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Speaker 1: ready to like have a deep and meaningful conversation.
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Speaker 3: Which I'm so impressed with everything you've built. I was
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Speaker 3: just checking out your podcast. How are we feeling today?
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Speaker 1: I am feeling peaceful and happy about that, because sometimes
4:03
Speaker 1: you can feel peaceful and it's like disturbing. You're like,
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Speaker 1: I got to go shake something up, I got to
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Speaker 1: go achieve something. I feel grateful that I have power.
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Speaker 1: I feel concerned about the state of the world. We
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Speaker 1: have a practice with our team. Our morning check in
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Speaker 1: is we rotate our questions, but our morning check in is,
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Speaker 1: you know, what are your three things that you're prioritizing today.
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Speaker 1: This week's question is what trends are you seeing? What's
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Speaker 1: inspiring you? And then who are you sending love to today?
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Speaker 1: And my love prayer candle this morning is for all
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Speaker 1: the people in Syria Turkey. So I'm grateful to be
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Speaker 1: in a home. Yeah, yeah, wow.
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Speaker 3: It's not every day that you get an answer to
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Speaker 3: a question like how are we feeling today that's like
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Speaker 3: actually thought out and not just the word good.
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Speaker 2: So that was quite frushing for me and maybe everyone listening.
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Speaker 1: After a good start. Yeah, we have like in our house.
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Speaker 1: You can't. I have a son, he's like a man now.
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Speaker 1: But there was no you couldn't say good and you
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Speaker 1: couldn't say nice. We didn't have many rules. But I'd
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Speaker 1: be like how are You'd be like good, I'd be like,
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Speaker 1: that's it's actually not a word in response to this question,
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Speaker 1: so like get in there, yeah, get in there.
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Speaker 2: I love that. I love that.
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Speaker 3: Well, again, I'm really happy that we're able to connect today.
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Speaker 3: You have so much really beautiful insight into gosh, I mean,
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Speaker 3: so many different topics, especially on the heels of your
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Speaker 3: new book. Talk to us a little bit about how
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Speaker 3: to be loving and what's to come.
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Speaker 1: The subtitle, I think is it kind of puts the
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Speaker 1: bow on it, how to be loving as your heart
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Speaker 1: is breaking open and the world is waking up. It
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Speaker 1: is about well, the response to it is I thought
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Speaker 1: this is going to be a book about relationships, but
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Speaker 1: this really is a book about self acceptance, and that's
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Speaker 1: pretty accurate. Like when you move more into self compassion
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Speaker 1: and loving kindness, all of your relationships will shift because
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Speaker 1: all of those relationships are really just reflections of what's
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Speaker 1: going on in you. So change the inside, the outside's
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Speaker 1: going to come along with you.
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Speaker 2: Right.
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Speaker 3: And that feels like a reflection of that ever popular
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Speaker 3: saying that we're some of the people that we surround
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Speaker 3: ourselves with, right.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know what, there's a light side to
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Speaker 1: that theory, and there's a dark side to that theory.
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Speaker 1: So like you know, the light side is like, yeah,
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Speaker 1: you're sharing you know, similar thoughts ideologies. If you know,
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Speaker 1: I know your your space is really athletic and wellness oriented,
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Speaker 1: So like, of course you want to be hanging out
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Speaker 1: with people like they're going to show up at the track,
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Speaker 1: they're going to do their thing. I have friends, for sure,
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Speaker 1: I call them like when I need that extra boost.
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Speaker 1: But the shadow side of this that I see in
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Speaker 1: the wellness space is it can get really transactional. It's like, well,
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Speaker 1: I want some of their inspiration or their go get it,
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Speaker 1: their baller energy to rub off on me. And that's
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Speaker 1: not a real relationship. That's transactional ridiculousness. So upside downside,
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Speaker 1: upside downside.
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Speaker 3: Before we get into talking about what we're here to
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Speaker 3: talk about today, which is identifying patterns that hold us back,
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Speaker 3: something that I know I'm excited.
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Speaker 2: To hear a lot about and learn from you, I'd
7:26
Speaker 2: love it if you can give us some insight into
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Speaker 2: how you got into doing this very important work long journey.
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Speaker 1: The highlights are I used to run a think tank
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Speaker 1: in Washington, d C. I was able to do that
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Speaker 1: without even having gone to college, So I really just
7:43
Speaker 1: kind of talked my way into everything I learned through obsession.
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Speaker 1: I would go to all the conferences, I would take
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Speaker 1: all the calls. I would just I mean, these are
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Speaker 1: the days when you're like fact press releases too. You know.
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Speaker 1: That was part of my job as a publicist. So
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Speaker 1: I was running a think tank in Washington, d c.
8:02
Speaker 1: Looking at how global trends might collide or collapse. Was
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Speaker 1: super trippy at first level security clearance at the Kinagon,
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Speaker 1: and I realized, like I actually wasn't that interested in
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Speaker 1: the future. I mean, I was going home at night haveing,
8:18
Speaker 1: you know, smoken, a couple of Marlborough's reading poetry, wanted
8:22
Speaker 1: to paint. So I really had this big imposter complex
8:25
Speaker 1: at that part of my life. And things shifted and
8:29
Speaker 1: I left the States. I came back to Canada and
8:33
Speaker 1: started a business that was all based around a more
8:36
Speaker 1: kind of soulful approach to branding like yourself, and raised
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Speaker 1: a bunch of money for that. I got Steve Jobbed
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Speaker 1: fired for my own company, and that was like a
8:49
Speaker 1: real initiation. A lot of catharsists there. There's you know,
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Speaker 1: I started to see some patterns of not speaking up,
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Speaker 1: a feeling like I was faking it, and then you know,
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Speaker 1: the deeper interest around source energy and life force and consciousness.
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Speaker 1: I just created space to write about that. Talk about
9:13
Speaker 1: that turn into teaching about that, and now I mentioned
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Speaker 1: the desire map, which kind of took on a life
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Speaker 1: of its own. So the focus now is the intelligence
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Speaker 1: of the heart. And I have four hundred or so
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Speaker 1: coaches and facilitators who are walking into corporations and yoga
9:34
Speaker 1: studios to give them tools, really have conversations about what
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Speaker 1: resilience really is. And it's becoming clear that there's an
9:44
Speaker 1: awareness now that heart intelligence really is. And you just
9:48
Speaker 1: put this in like business terms, it's the leading edge.
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Speaker 1: And you know, anybody who's been on the spiritual path
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Speaker 1: for a long time, it's like, hey, you're finally getting that.
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Speaker 1: But that's that's where all my focus.
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Speaker 2: Now did you call it source energy before?
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Speaker 1: Yeah?
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Speaker 3: Can we talk a little bit about that For those
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Speaker 3: that maybe unfamiliar with the term.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, source God, the Divine, your Buddha, nature, spirit, the cosmos,
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Speaker 1: the infinite. Choose the word that you really resonate with
10:19
Speaker 1: and just build a relationship with it.
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Speaker 2: For those that hear that and may not know where
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Speaker 2: to start with this concept, where did you begin?
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Speaker 1: Well? I was born a little strange, right, so what
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Speaker 1: I wanted to I was raised Catholic, I went to
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Speaker 1: Catholic school. I wanted to marry Jesus. I wanted to
10:42
Speaker 1: talk to angels. I thought I could talk to go
10:45
Speaker 1: for a walk, and I could talk to animals. But
10:47
Speaker 1: like the practical was I just started reading. I mean,
10:52
Speaker 1: these were the days of like Louise Hay and people
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Speaker 1: starting to talk about your mind affects your body and
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Speaker 1: so madtizing energy and like if you could catch a
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Speaker 1: cold because of stress, then do you have the capacity
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Speaker 1: to heal yourself? What else could be happening to your
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Speaker 1: body that's related to your psychology. I think we're inundated
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Speaker 1: with theories and teachers and influencers and sources and all
11:20
Speaker 1: this is so easy to come by. Really just go
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Speaker 1: with the person. Not that you want to be, but
11:27
Speaker 1: like your nervous system feels relaxed when you're with this teacher,
11:31
Speaker 1: whether it is like an Instagram person saying like, you know,
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Speaker 1: this is how manifestation works, this is how physiology and
11:40
Speaker 1: cosmic principles work. Who do you feel relaxed with? Because
11:44
Speaker 1: like there's going to be some level of your heart
11:48
Speaker 1: intelligence that's knowing like, Okay, this is a person with
11:51
Speaker 1: good information and I can trust them if you're going
11:54
Speaker 1: if you want to quote, follow or take on information
11:57
Speaker 1: from someone you want to be gets a little trickier.
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Speaker 1: It's like, oh, you know, they get the car and
12:05
Speaker 1: they made their first six figures and their launch in
12:07
Speaker 1: the month, and she's got the abs and all the thing. No, No,
12:10
Speaker 1: like that's like material aspirational stuff. But whose teachings make
12:17
Speaker 1: you kind of melt a bit? You want to lean
12:19
Speaker 1: in and then to like start exploring, And it's all
12:22
Speaker 1: an experiment. It's all an experiment. Whatever tools work for.
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Speaker 2: You, all an experiment. Really good advance there.
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Speaker 3: So back to what I'd love for us to chat
12:32
Speaker 3: about today, the concept of identifying patterns that hold us
12:37
Speaker 3: back now in order to really dive into this, I
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Speaker 3: feel like it's important first and foremost to home in
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Speaker 3: on what a pattern really is.
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Speaker 2: What kind of patterns are we talking about here?
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Speaker 1: Well, there's patterns and there's negative there's positive patterns and
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Speaker 1: there's negative patterns. It's just like you know, in psychological terms,
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Speaker 1: there's negative addiction and there's more positive addiction. So positive
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Speaker 1: is you're going to get a result that is nourishing
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Speaker 1: to your nervous system and it's moving you forward. Towards
13:08
Speaker 1: like the vision you're holding of a good life. Right,
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Speaker 1: So there may be an addictive quality to it, but
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Speaker 1: it's not harmful to you. It's not harming you ultimately. Now,
13:20
Speaker 1: positive addiction is not necessarily liberation because you're still there's
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Speaker 1: still that kind of hooked energy, like I got to
13:30
Speaker 1: do it in order to get somewhere. But it's better
13:32
Speaker 1: than all the toxic addictions, which you know everybody's aware of.
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Speaker 1: So a pattern is something you do repeatedly, and you
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Speaker 1: probably do it unconsciously. There are a pattern that becomes
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Speaker 1: conscious is a ritual, it's a habit, it's an intention.
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Speaker 1: Now there is a difference between rituals and habits, you
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Speaker 1: know in the world. Is how we work it in
13:59
Speaker 1: our our leadership community is that you really want to
14:04
Speaker 1: get clear on what it is that you want to
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Speaker 1: embody and create in your life, you bring in the
14:12
Speaker 1: ritual first and then you bring in the habit. So
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Speaker 1: the ritual is I'm going to set my intention to
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Speaker 1: be loving, to be kind, to be athletic, to be well,
14:25
Speaker 1: to be whole. Like it's really kind of the higher
14:28
Speaker 1: vibe stuff. And the ritual for that is I have
14:33
Speaker 1: my walk around the block. I have my box breathing practice,
14:37
Speaker 1: I have my prayer practice. Like, you just get into
14:41
Speaker 1: the heart space and it's from there that you develop
14:45
Speaker 1: your habits. So if you have habits that are disconnected
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Speaker 1: from your heart, they're going to be punishing, They're not
14:53
Speaker 1: going to last, you're not going to achieve. I mean,
14:56
Speaker 1: it's a difference between going to the gym because you
14:59
Speaker 1: want to be well, you want to show up and
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Speaker 1: do good things in the world. This is coming from
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Speaker 1: a place of like you're really celebrating your body. You
15:08
Speaker 1: want to know how powerful you are, versus I'm creating
15:12
Speaker 1: a habit to go to the gym every day because
15:15
Speaker 1: I suck, because I need this approval, because I feel
15:19
Speaker 1: like I look like shit, because if I don't get this,
15:23
Speaker 1: I'm not going to get the person I want. So
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Speaker 1: the question that really helps you interrupt and observe patterns
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Speaker 1: is you look at whatever you're doing and you ask yourself,
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Speaker 1: am I doing this from my wounded self, my unhealed self,
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Speaker 1: my ego self, or am I doing this from my
15:45
Speaker 1: whole self, from the part of me that's like I
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Speaker 1: love my being, I'm the mother of my reality. It's
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Speaker 1: a big difference, and we can all look back most
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Speaker 1: of our decisions. Go, ah, that was an ego choice.
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Speaker 1: That was a hard choice.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, ego choice versus heart choice really really powerful language there.
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Speaker 3: And you're also touching on here with this ego choice
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Speaker 3: verbiage a lot of what individuals may identify as negative
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Speaker 3: self talk, right, and so for someone who really struggles
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Speaker 3: with negative self talk, what advice do you have for them?
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Speaker 1: Some healthy fear, a little bit to be aware what's
16:30
Speaker 1: happening when you talk to yourself. There's your conscious self.
16:35
Speaker 1: You know what you're saying, you know what you're doing,
16:37
Speaker 1: you're making you know why you're making your choice. There's
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Speaker 1: your unconscious self. The most mystics and scientists will say,
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Speaker 1: like the majority of us are acting from our unconscious
16:47
Speaker 1: self most of the time. So like my metaphor for
16:50
Speaker 1: that is like we all have a basement in our
16:54
Speaker 1: psyche and it's full of thoughts and patterns and messages
16:59
Speaker 1: from our family. All this social conditioning mostly crap, and
17:08
Speaker 1: that darker stuff, that shadow stuff, informs a lot of
17:14
Speaker 1: It's this kind of chatty voice that says you should
17:18
Speaker 1: do this because you're not enough. You need to go
17:21
Speaker 1: prove this, that, and the other, and then you start
17:23
Speaker 1: telling yourself. You start listening to that voice, the unconscious
17:27
Speaker 1: voice in the dark that isn't really aware, it hasn't
17:30
Speaker 1: grown up yet, it's still wounded. You start telling yourself
17:35
Speaker 1: what it tells you. I need to do this because because,
17:40
Speaker 1: Or you take on this social programming of all the
17:44
Speaker 1: ways you need to perform, and you tell yourself you
17:47
Speaker 1: need to do all that, or you tell yourself you're
17:50
Speaker 1: not worthy, etc. The unconscious self is listening to everything
17:53
Speaker 1: you say. So the shift the power move with talk
18:00
Speaker 1: is speak to yourself like a five year old that
18:05
Speaker 1: you love, Like somebody just asked me at a gig
18:07
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago. I'm really struggling with like
18:09
Speaker 1: self love. I know it's the way, got a lot
18:12
Speaker 1: of self loathing going on. I do. Just treat yourself
18:15
Speaker 1: like a five year old that you care about. You
18:18
Speaker 1: speak in a gentle tone, you're encouraging. You get the
18:24
Speaker 1: right nutrition, you get good sleep, You hang up with
18:27
Speaker 1: people you feel good around, not the people that make
18:31
Speaker 1: you feel like you got to be more of a
18:32
Speaker 1: winner or more of anything. You just feel loved, You
18:35
Speaker 1: feel at ease. That's it, and that's like the most mystical, enlightened, powerful,
18:43
Speaker 1: all the things that you can do. But watch your tone,
18:48
Speaker 1: gentle gentle.
18:49
Speaker 3: I giggle a little on that language of that's it
18:51
Speaker 3: because you just said, like, get good rest, surround yourself
18:55
Speaker 3: with good people, feed yourself good food, move your body
18:58
Speaker 3: like you're the laundry lists can really get to be
19:01
Speaker 3: really overwhelming. So what advice do you offer even to
19:05
Speaker 3: overcome that hurdle?
19:07
Speaker 1: Start gentle, like, you could start big. You know your
19:10
Speaker 1: heart will guide you. Maybe you know where you're going
19:13
Speaker 1: to start on your path of loving awareness is like
19:17
Speaker 1: you need to move cities, you need to quit the job,
19:20
Speaker 1: you need to leave the relationship, monumental stuff. You do
19:24
Speaker 1: it gently. You don't tell yourself that your loser forgetting
19:28
Speaker 1: yourself into that position, or you should have moved out
19:30
Speaker 1: years ago. Whatever it is. Just I'm going to make
19:33
Speaker 1: a move. I'm going to take my time. I'm going
19:36
Speaker 1: to tell myself really loving things. You got this. Of
19:39
Speaker 1: course you're scared, let's keep going. You are worthy. Of
19:43
Speaker 1: course you have doubts, Gentle, gentle, compassion for all the
19:47
Speaker 1: fear that comes up, And you could also start small.
19:51
Speaker 1: You could also start simple, so I mean one, one
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Speaker 1: self created hurdle that happens a lot in this in
20:00
Speaker 1: the self help space is too much stuff, right. It's
20:04
Speaker 1: like it's the same as taking too many supplements. It's
20:10
Speaker 1: too much information for the body and what the body
20:13
Speaker 1: really needs can't be absorbed. It's the same thing with
20:17
Speaker 1: all of the wellness self help things. So it's like,
20:22
Speaker 1: you don't have to meditate an hour a day. You
20:25
Speaker 1: don't have to have five different meditations. You don't need
20:28
Speaker 1: an an Eastern astrologer and a Western astrologer and a
20:32
Speaker 1: shaman on zoom and two coaches. You just don't promise
20:36
Speaker 1: you I've done all that, I've done that. You don't
20:39
Speaker 1: need that. Just start with someone you trust, start with
20:43
Speaker 1: a morning journaling practice, and then manage your expectations. Because
20:50
Speaker 1: I think when we make these changes in the direction
20:54
Speaker 1: of growing, we want everything to happen all at once,
21:00
Speaker 1: and deep things will happen. There will be shifts, but
21:03
Speaker 1: they're going to be very subtle and it might take
21:05
Speaker 1: a while. You know the subtle shifts are. This is
21:08
Speaker 1: what I think. The one of the likes the markers
21:11
Speaker 1: of growth is a you're in a bind, You're in
21:16
Speaker 1: one of those arguments. You know you're disagreeing with somebody
21:20
Speaker 1: and you don't say the thing.
21:23
Speaker 2: That's it.
21:23
Speaker 1: How do you know you're becoming more enlightened? You don't
21:26
Speaker 1: say the thing you could have said, the thing, the
21:29
Speaker 1: thing that made you right, even though you know you
21:32
Speaker 1: did because it was loving, because you want the relationship
21:35
Speaker 1: to you know, grow. You know I'm going to say
21:37
Speaker 1: this because this is part of honest communication. No, no,
21:43
Speaker 1: it's usually because we want to be right. Don't say
21:46
Speaker 1: the thing you breathe instead of saying the thing. Then
21:51
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Speaker 3: the entire store today. And that's like such a all aspect, right,
25:02
Speaker 3: But the awareness that requires is monumental on this journey
25:08
Speaker 3: toward establishing a deep relationship with self.
25:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's monumental.
25:14
Speaker 3: How do you know that a pattern is one that's
25:16
Speaker 3: actually holding you back?
25:18
Speaker 1: Are you getting the same results that you don't want.
25:20
Speaker 1: It's that I'm here again. Are we having the same
25:26
Speaker 1: conversation the same argument again? Do you switch jobs and
25:30
Speaker 1: you got the same kind of boss again? Are you
25:33
Speaker 1: really just dating the same person in different bodies? Like
25:36
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, it just I think we're all familiar
25:40
Speaker 1: with that, that wheel spinning. Cannot believe I haven't gotten
25:45
Speaker 1: out of this threat again. And usually there's some really
25:50
Speaker 1: you know, sad and gross self criticism conversation around that,
25:56
Speaker 1: Like you know, this is a small thing, but it's
25:58
Speaker 1: actually for me, it's been a big thing. My thing
26:00
Speaker 1: has always been about. My addiction has been around staying
26:03
Speaker 1: up too late. And we all know, like the science
26:07
Speaker 1: is in, we need the sleep. There's certain qualities, you know,
26:10
Speaker 1: sleep hygiene. It's one of my least favorite terms, sleep hygiene.
26:15
Speaker 1: And the number of nights, I mean, it probably adds
26:18
Speaker 1: up to years that I have said, did it again,
26:21
Speaker 1: stayed up too late? Just that one extra hour, just
26:23
Speaker 1: check five extra emails. It's not good. It's a pattern,
26:28
Speaker 1: that's a pattern. There's a lot of self crison. Then
26:30
Speaker 1: I got to have compassion around the pattern and be
26:34
Speaker 1: gentle with it, because if you bring in criticism about
26:37
Speaker 1: your criticism. It just creates more contraction, like you actually
26:42
Speaker 1: don't have any fuel for moving forward. You're just creating
26:45
Speaker 1: more grind instead of more flow for yourself. I just say,
26:49
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, Danielle, You're still lovely, still lovely, You're still
26:53
Speaker 1: doing things still Well, let's just try fifteen minutes earlier
26:58
Speaker 1: tomorrow and it gets better. And then you fall off
27:02
Speaker 1: track for the sake of comparison, you get back on,
27:06
Speaker 1: no judge to get back up.
27:08
Speaker 3: I think that when we get to this place in
27:11
Speaker 3: the conversation now, it's like, Okay, I understand how to
27:14
Speaker 3: identify a pattern that may not be serving me. But
27:17
Speaker 3: for those who think, okay, I want to make a change,
27:20
Speaker 3: you have to be in the mindset to follow through
27:24
Speaker 3: with that change, right, Because if you're not ready to
27:26
Speaker 3: make the change, if you're not ready to make that pivot,
27:30
Speaker 3: then you can say all these things to yourself, like
27:31
Speaker 3: I should change this, I should change this, I should
27:33
Speaker 3: change this. But you have to be ready to change it.
27:37
Speaker 1: You have to. There's two ways to look at it.
27:40
Speaker 1: Most people have to be in enough pain. Are you
27:43
Speaker 1: in enough? So here's the question. Just ask everybody, now,
27:45
Speaker 1: are you unhappy? Enough yet, Are you in enough pain yet?
27:50
Speaker 1: Because that tends to be a big motivator for humans.
27:55
Speaker 1: And then there's another way, which is you move to
28:00
Speaker 1: towards the vision instead of let you know, vision is
28:04
Speaker 1: your inspiration. What you want is your inspiration, not pain
28:08
Speaker 1: being your driver. My observation is people tend to have
28:13
Speaker 1: a disposition and neither of them is one is not
28:18
Speaker 1: superior to the other. Actually, because those of us who
28:21
Speaker 1: are more future oriented sometimes are just you know, there's
28:25
Speaker 1: the overwork we don't rest. It creates all sorts of
28:28
Speaker 1: chronic things, chronic fatigue, all that kind of stuff. Well,
28:31
Speaker 1: you can ask for higher guidance to get out of it,
28:33
Speaker 1: so you can get super metaphysical about it and just
28:36
Speaker 1: pray for help. I mean, this is one of the
28:37
Speaker 1: first steps in the twelve step program, right. There's a
28:40
Speaker 1: reason for that. You need to be aware that there
28:44
Speaker 1: is something greater than yourself. There's an energy that's keeping
28:46
Speaker 1: us all moving and it's really time. This is the
28:49
Speaker 1: time to tap it. And then I really believe that
28:53
Speaker 1: community is medicine. Community really dissolves the masks, the egos.
29:00
Speaker 1: It kind of it equalizes us as like, oh you
29:02
Speaker 1: were in that funk. Once upon a time, I'm in
29:04
Speaker 1: that funk too. We can help each other. So you
29:06
Speaker 1: have to turn to other people. Isolation is not going
29:11
Speaker 1: to create any kind of traction for you. So and
29:14
Speaker 1: this is why I am like a big fan of coaches.
29:17
Speaker 1: And if you need the therapist and get that support
29:20
Speaker 1: system in place, and then and this is for me,
29:24
Speaker 1: this is really key. You've got to focus on what
29:29
Speaker 1: you want, not on the problem. Like enough, we know
29:32
Speaker 1: the problem. Now, you've beaten yourself up about it, We've
29:35
Speaker 1: seen the havoc. It's rot on your life, your body, whatever, whatever,
29:40
Speaker 1: enough I think, And this is really one of the
29:42
Speaker 1: guiding principles of how to be loving. You focus on
29:46
Speaker 1: what's working. You focus on the light, You focus on
29:50
Speaker 1: what you want to embody, and you keep doing whatever
29:54
Speaker 1: you're going to do to move towards that. And then
29:57
Speaker 1: all the stuff that's not in alignment with that, it
30:00
Speaker 1: does start to disintegrate. You know. How I put it
30:03
Speaker 1: is always be seeing the beauty. Focus on what's working.
30:07
Speaker 1: I mean, the best therapy I've had is when you
30:09
Speaker 1: I walk in, I'm just like, I'm about to pay
30:11
Speaker 1: you all this money. Super wise psychotherapist guy and he
30:15
Speaker 1: just would shrug his shoulders and say, so, what's working
30:18
Speaker 1: this week? It's actually a life changing question when you're
30:21
Speaker 1: in pain.
30:22
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that question, what's working this week? I
30:26
Speaker 3: going back to the power of community and accountability rate
30:29
Speaker 3: that I had a friend who wanted to establish a
30:32
Speaker 3: regular gratitude practice, and despite you know, trying all of
30:35
Speaker 3: the different tools at her disposal a one line a
30:38
Speaker 3: day journal, like how hard could it be to do
30:40
Speaker 3: one line? She found that it was most useful for
30:44
Speaker 3: her when me and one other girlfriend and her in
30:48
Speaker 3: a group chat.
30:48
Speaker 2: Every morning.
30:49
Speaker 3: When she finally picks up her phone at like nine something,
30:52
Speaker 3: I have a text that comes through and says like
30:54
Speaker 3: today I'm grateful for the way that the sun's coming
30:56
Speaker 3: through the clouds.
30:58
Speaker 1: I love it.
30:59
Speaker 3: And that was it right, And so finding what works
31:02
Speaker 3: for you, what works for you might look different than
31:04
Speaker 3: what works for your neighbor, what works for your mom,
31:06
Speaker 3: what works for your sister, whoever, And that's okay, like
31:09
Speaker 3: having the grace with that again, coming back to that
31:12
Speaker 3: place of compassion and talking to yourself in that gentle
31:15
Speaker 3: way that allows you and empowers you to get to
31:18
Speaker 3: where you want to be, and.
31:22
Speaker 1: What really legit works for you for a period of time,
31:26
Speaker 1: might not always serve you, and people forget that. It's like,
31:31
Speaker 1: you can do a certain kind of mind training, a
31:33
Speaker 1: certain kind of physical training, and you actually get amazing results.
31:37
Speaker 1: You know, you get fitter, mentally, fis all the things,
31:40
Speaker 1: and then it's not working anymore. And it's not because
31:43
Speaker 1: you're failing. It's actually because you're evolving and it's time
31:46
Speaker 1: to get a different supplement, a different movement, a different meditation.
31:52
Speaker 3: Yeah, that can be really challenging, especially when you've had
31:56
Speaker 3: results or been happy with the progress that you've made
32:00
Speaker 3: using a specific tool previously. I've experienced this and everything
32:05
Speaker 3: from a journaling practice to how I move my body
32:08
Speaker 3: and how I work out, and especially, let's say, in
32:11
Speaker 3: the case of injury, when you can't move the way
32:14
Speaker 3: that you want to because of something that's beyond your control,
32:18
Speaker 3: that whole situation can just spring up so much emotion.
32:23
Speaker 2: So for someone that.
32:26
Speaker 3: Is having a hard time putting that frustration aside, that
32:31
Speaker 3: but I want it to be this other way. I
32:33
Speaker 3: want to do this other thing. This other thing felt
32:35
Speaker 3: so right for me, and they can't do that thing anymore.
32:39
Speaker 3: How do they have the grace to move forward with
32:41
Speaker 3: a new way.
32:45
Speaker 1: I think even before you focus on the moving forward,
32:48
Speaker 1: you just have to focus on what's happening and loving
32:51
Speaker 1: the situation as is. So it's helpful. It's helpful to
32:57
Speaker 1: consider play with the belief that everything is happening for
33:02
Speaker 1: your expansion. There's a bigger plan here. And the so
33:06
Speaker 1: called setback, I mean everybody listening right now has had
33:09
Speaker 1: some kind of setback. You get through it and you go,
33:11
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm so glad that happened. I'm so
33:14
Speaker 1: glad I didn't go through that wedding. It actually worked
33:17
Speaker 1: that I blew out my knee because now stronger, fitter,
33:20
Speaker 1: change sports, whatever it is, right, So just consider in
33:24
Speaker 1: that moment there's a purpose, and I think the soul
33:31
Speaker 1: is trying to train you to love as is. It's
33:36
Speaker 1: like the setbacks are often gentleness boot camp. It's like,
33:41
Speaker 1: you know what, you actually haven't been paying attention and
33:44
Speaker 1: speaking kindly to yourself. You actually haven't been doing all
33:48
Speaker 1: the wellness things and communing with your heart and good
33:51
Speaker 1: people for like months now. You've been driving from this
33:54
Speaker 1: place trying to get the thing to prove to everybody
33:57
Speaker 1: and have your dad finally say to you what you
34:00
Speaker 1: always wanted your dad to say to you when you
34:03
Speaker 1: win the thing. And I've talked to so many athletes
34:06
Speaker 1: in particular about this, because I have a lot of
34:08
Speaker 1: conversations on goal setting, especially around the desire map. I
34:12
Speaker 1: have hundreds of story I stopped keeping count and doing
34:16
Speaker 1: case studies, especially in the athletic community. I did this.
34:20
Speaker 1: I wanted to win the thing. I crossed the finish
34:22
Speaker 1: line and I got dinner with my dad and he
34:25
Speaker 1: doesn't say the thing that I wanted him to say.
34:30
Speaker 1: And I realized, you know, I did all that, all
34:32
Speaker 1: those years of football, so my old man when I
34:35
Speaker 1: got the trophy and then we'd have the picture. I mean,
34:39
Speaker 1: you want to cry just think about it. And they
34:41
Speaker 1: realized I don't even like football, isn't even my calling.
34:47
Speaker 1: And that's when life is saying you got to dig deep.
34:51
Speaker 1: You got to dig deep and look at the fact
34:53
Speaker 1: that life has been supporting you on some level, that
34:56
Speaker 1: you are worthy no matter what. And you got to
35:00
Speaker 1: get it from.
35:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you got to get it from some conversation
35:04
Speaker 3: on identifying patterns that hold us back. As really morphed
35:08
Speaker 3: rightfully so into a conversation of knowing your why, right,
35:12
Speaker 3: because if you know your why, if you have an
35:14
Speaker 3: understanding of who you are and your values, then you'll
35:17
Speaker 3: be more keen to understand what serves you or what
35:21
Speaker 3: can serve you in your life.
35:23
Speaker 1: Yes, and is your why wounded or is your why healed?
35:30
Speaker 1: Is your why shadow or heart? Yeah?
35:36
Speaker 3: That's really powerful. And when you say a shadow, elaborate
35:42
Speaker 3: on that a little bit.
35:44
Speaker 1: Shadow, the shadow self, shadow work is your unconscious self.
35:49
Speaker 1: It's the ego self. It's the part of us that's
35:52
Speaker 1: like unhealed and unaware. And I mean this is a
35:55
Speaker 1: little bit of an oversimplification, but it's like a spiritually
35:58
Speaker 1: immature self, and it's naturally just like a kid who's wounded,
36:04
Speaker 1: it's going to act out. And the way the shadow
36:08
Speaker 1: acts out is it's going to give you the injury.
36:14
Speaker 1: It's going to give you an ailment. It's going to
36:16
Speaker 1: give you an anxiety. It's like it speaks through anxiety,
36:19
Speaker 1: like do I have your attention yet? Okay, here's a
36:21
Speaker 1: little more anxiety. Are you going to stop and slow
36:23
Speaker 1: down and look at me yet? Okay, here's like a
36:25
Speaker 1: little fender bender in life? Are you paying attention? Yet
36:29
Speaker 1: to your nervous system, because I'm really trying to like
36:32
Speaker 1: send you these signals for you to just be more
36:36
Speaker 1: loving and attentive with yourself. And this gets us into
36:42
Speaker 1: a term that comes up a lot with shadow work
36:44
Speaker 1: is inner child work. And the thing to be clear
36:49
Speaker 1: about with inner child work is your inner child is
36:54
Speaker 1: a term for your unhealed self. It's not you when
36:59
Speaker 1: you were eight years old old. Go to therapy and
37:02
Speaker 1: work out your eight year old stuff and the impacts
37:04
Speaker 1: of family stuff for sure, right, But inner child is
37:10
Speaker 1: this really powerful term to use with our growth because
37:14
Speaker 1: when we think about inner child, most of us, unless
37:17
Speaker 1: we're a psychopath, most of us will kind of soften
37:20
Speaker 1: pay attention like, oh, what's my inner child saying? And
37:24
Speaker 1: it used to be like before I would go on
37:26
Speaker 1: stage to do a speaking gig, I used to get
37:28
Speaker 1: all fucking pumped up and I would do that kind
37:31
Speaker 1: of motivational thing, right, you know, and like I'm great,
37:33
Speaker 1: I'm going to crush it. I would height myself. This
37:38
Speaker 1: is you know, this is my version of the race,
37:40
Speaker 1: you know. And I didn't necessarily make my gig any better.
37:46
Speaker 1: Now what I do is I actually get really gentle
37:50
Speaker 1: and I talk to my inner child and I say,
37:54
Speaker 1: what do you need? Because if we if we check
37:57
Speaker 1: in with a part of us that's most vulnerable and
38:00
Speaker 1: it's most likely to act out and have us mess
38:03
Speaker 1: up or be anxious, then we've really got everything taken
38:07
Speaker 1: care of. Mostly, you're in our child. This is what
38:11
Speaker 1: everybody do, hand on belly, right hand on belly, left
38:14
Speaker 1: hand on heart before you go to bed, when you
38:16
Speaker 1: wake up, to say how can I support you? What
38:18
Speaker 1: do you need? You're in our child is going to
38:20
Speaker 1: say stuff like go to the park, I need nature,
38:24
Speaker 1: hang out with so and so, I need rest, take
38:28
Speaker 1: me to work with you. It's really gentle, it's really simple.
38:31
Speaker 1: It is the basic stuff we've been talking about. And
38:35
Speaker 1: then once you've got that taken care of, then you
38:38
Speaker 1: go rocket. You don't your anxiety is not left at
38:43
Speaker 1: home being more anxious in the back of your mind.
38:46
Speaker 1: You're the power, you're the parent, you're the you know,
38:51
Speaker 1: the success, and you can come along. I am so evolved,
38:55
Speaker 1: I'm so loving, I so got this. I got room
38:58
Speaker 1: for my inner child, my victor, you know, my go getter. Yeah,
39:06
Speaker 1: I love it.
39:07
Speaker 3: It's like we don't leave it behind. It comes with us. Yea,
39:13
Speaker 3: this is so powerful. Truly, all of this all stemming
39:17
Speaker 3: from kind of where we started to circle back here
39:21
Speaker 3: and kind of put a cherry on the Sunday, so
39:23
Speaker 3: to speak, when it comes to stepping into patterns that
39:29
Speaker 3: serve us instead of the ones that hold us back.
39:33
Speaker 3: How would you recommend someone outside of community, which was
39:38
Speaker 3: a really grateful suggestion to proceed and stay the course
39:45
Speaker 3: of these positive patterns, of these new habits.
39:49
Speaker 2: If we break it down even further.
39:52
Speaker 1: Well, you could shift your relationship to resistance, because resistance
39:56
Speaker 1: is going to come up. You can't maintain healthy pattern
40:01
Speaker 1: without the old habit. The ego self sayingah blah blah blah,
40:05
Speaker 1: but don't go to the gym. Oh you should eat this,
40:08
Speaker 1: don't do your meditation, whatever it is, so that is natural.
40:12
Speaker 1: Let it be natural and know that resistance is actually
40:17
Speaker 1: an indicator that things are shifting. There's a reason on
40:22
Speaker 1: day five of a new habit you start to try
40:25
Speaker 1: and talk yourself out of doing the habit because the
40:28
Speaker 1: cells and the psyche start to say, what, something's moving here.
40:33
Speaker 1: I want to go back, I want to shrink, I
40:35
Speaker 1: want to go back to what's comfortable, and familiar, So
40:37
Speaker 1: resistance is actually a cool sign. And then you've got
40:40
Speaker 1: to decide, you know, keep your eye on the prize
40:43
Speaker 1: really and be like, no, I have this vision. This
40:47
Speaker 1: is the term that works for me. This is what
40:50
Speaker 1: I tell myself when it's I don't want to do
40:52
Speaker 1: what I know is good. I must have beautiful visions
40:55
Speaker 1: of the future. I must have beautiful visions of the future.
40:59
Speaker 1: And then, and you know, I think we're all if
41:02
Speaker 1: you have that, the mind gets clear enough. You know
41:06
Speaker 1: what you got to do to make good on that vision.
41:09
Speaker 1: You got to make the phone call, you got to
41:12
Speaker 1: do the movement, whatever that is. Keep feed the vision.
41:16
Speaker 1: You got to feed the vision every day. So like
41:20
Speaker 1: the downside of vision boards, I know they work, but
41:23
Speaker 1: this is why they don't work sometimes is because you know,
41:26
Speaker 1: we go to these workshops and we get all stoked
41:29
Speaker 1: and we have the vision and we put the photo
41:32
Speaker 1: of the body we want in the car and all
41:34
Speaker 1: this stuff, and like we kind of just forget it.
41:38
Speaker 1: You have to water those visions every day. And really,
41:42
Speaker 1: you know, this is manifesting when I want, like feel it,
41:46
Speaker 1: it's sensual, you see it. So tend to the vision
41:50
Speaker 1: and then your mind will tell you the right thing
41:52
Speaker 1: to do.
41:54
Speaker 2: I love that tend to the vision.
41:56
Speaker 3: I also think that a way, like a kind of
41:58
Speaker 3: easy way to tend to vision regularly, A little bit
42:01
Speaker 3: more in depth version of a journaling practice would be
42:04
Speaker 3: there's so many guided options right. So literally every day
42:07
Speaker 3: when I sit down at my desk, I revisit questions
42:09
Speaker 3: that help me dial in on my vision, like what
42:11
Speaker 3: can make today great?
42:13
Speaker 2: And what are you thankful for today? And what can
42:16
Speaker 2: you you know.
42:17
Speaker 3: Walk through your week with to make it even better
42:20
Speaker 3: than when you started. And so just breaking down, you know,
42:24
Speaker 3: the goals that I have and staying on track, and
42:26
Speaker 3: then also taking the time to reflect, because if we
42:29
Speaker 3: don't reflect, you can't gauge progress for where you've been
42:33
Speaker 3: and where you want to go.
42:34
Speaker 1: Yes, this is you know, that reflection stage. And yoga
42:39
Speaker 1: is shavasna. You know at the end of the class
42:41
Speaker 1: that shavasna pose it's not about rest, it's actually about integrating,
42:47
Speaker 1: absorbing all of the work you've done in the class.
42:51
Speaker 1: And I think we need those shavasna, those cool down
42:54
Speaker 1: periods in our life, and one of them is just
42:57
Speaker 1: at the end of the day. It's like, Okay, what
43:01
Speaker 1: actually went down today? Where did I feel like I
43:04
Speaker 1: was coming from love? Where did I feel like I
43:06
Speaker 1: was being too pushy? Just observe what actually happened. You
43:10
Speaker 1: integrate it, and that's how you become wise. That's how
43:13
Speaker 1: you put yourself in a position where you don't have
43:15
Speaker 1: to repeat the same lesson over and over again. It's like,
43:20
Speaker 1: wake up, look at your day. This is reflective living
43:24
Speaker 1: and you get a new lesson. Yeah, you get to
43:27
Speaker 1: graduate a little bit every day.
43:29
Speaker 2: We love it.
43:30
Speaker 3: We will have graduating well, Danielle, I'm so excited and
43:33
Speaker 3: happy that we were able to catch up today. For
43:36
Speaker 3: the hurdlers that don't yet follow along with you, how
43:39
Speaker 3: can we follow you?
43:40
Speaker 2: How can we keep up with you? Give us all
43:42
Speaker 2: of your info.
43:43
Speaker 1: All the things. Well, the best thing these days is
43:46
Speaker 1: to head to Daniellaporte dot com and we can actually
43:49
Speaker 1: have a relationship. Another part of my life is on Instagram,
43:53
Speaker 1: which is great, but the algorithm is messing with all
43:57
Speaker 1: of us. So danielleport dot com to be loving Deck
44:01
Speaker 1: journal book audio is a great experience. It's everywhere. Yeah,
44:05
Speaker 1: thank you, beautiful.
44:06
Speaker 3: I'm over at Emily a body and at Hurdle Podcast,
44:09
Speaker 3: Another hurdle conquered.
44:11
Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.