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Speak Plainly and Communicate Clearly | Sacred Men · Sacred Men

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What's up, sacred men? Welcome back to the channel.
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This is Pastor Justin Dean, and today we are diving into
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something that hits every single one of us right where we live,
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and that is how we speak as men. If you want to be a man who
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makes an impact and gets things done, you've got to learn how to
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communicate well. The ability to communicate well
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is a key aspect of leadership, of business, of relational
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success, and it's a huge topic. There's a lot that goes into
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good communication. But today I want to focus on one
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aspect, and that aspect is in short supply in our culture, and
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it is speaking plainly and directly.
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Far too many people speak vaguely.
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They beat around the Bush, they try to use big words to sound
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intelligent, and they waste everyone's time by speaking like
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a meat robot whose language model was programmed by some HR
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boss lady. If you've ever had a
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conversation like this, you know what I'm talking about and it
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usually leaves you thinking something like this.
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Mr. Madison, what you just said is one of the most insanely
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idiotic things I have ever heard.
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At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you
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even close to anything that could be considered a rational
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thought. Everyone in this room is now
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Dumber for having listened to it.
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I award you no points and May God have mercy on your soul.
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That's. One of the best lines ever.
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Now I remember the first time I had a conversation like this
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with a boss of mine at a large seeker sensitive church and he
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wanted a meeting with me. Sat sat me down and all of a
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sudden all of this corporate gobbledygook started pouring out
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of his mouth. All of the cliches he was
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nifting, shifting nervously in his seat.
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He was speaking in a just in a very strange way.
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I I thought it was very effeminate the way he was
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talking and apparently I was getting in trouble and I didn't
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even know it. They, you know, he gave me this
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old like what they call like the criticism sandwich, you know,
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where say an encouraging thing, giving him encouragement first
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and then give him some critical feedback and then praise them
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again, you know, give them another encouragement on on the
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other side of it. Well, I left the meeting quite
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literally thinking, man, I'm doing pretty good.
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You know, he said all this about me.
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He said all this about me. Yeah, there's something in
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there. I didn't really know what even
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point he was making about that, but whatever.
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I So I thought I was doing pretty good.
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I left this meeting and later on that day or later on that week,
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someone, you know, asked me later, you know, what happened,
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Why'd you get in trouble? And I was like, what are you
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talking about? I didn't, I didn't get in
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trouble. And he said, well, I heard from
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the boss that he'd have a difficult meeting with you and
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give you some critical feedback. And I literally laughed and
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thought, what a freaking joke. I was like, my boss is a coward.
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Just speak plainly and clearly, you coward.
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Now as Christian men, we're called to lead our families,
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lead our businesses, our churches, and our friendships
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with integrity. And how we speak is a huge part
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of that leadership and how effective we will be.
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Jesus himself gets right to the point in Matthew 537 when he
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says, let what you say be simply yes or no.
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Anything more than this comes from evil.
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Now, if you've ever watched any political debate in modern
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times, you know what this is. Somebody asks a direct question.
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Well, let me just. And then they rattle on and on
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and on and on. And usually this is a form of
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sofa street. Just keep rattling on.
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Don't ever answer the question and people will forgot the
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question was asked and you'll never have to state your
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position clearly. It is evil, right?
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It's trying to play games. And as Christian and virtuous
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men, we want to speak plainly. We want to speak directly.
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Now even the ancient philosopher Aristotle, whose ideas have
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influenced Western thought for centuries, he got this right in
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his work on rhetoric in Book 3 and Chapter 2, he teaches that
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good style in speaking. So when you think of style, the
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word choices you use, how you know, like how many words you
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use, are you painting a picture? Are you speaking poet
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poetically? What tone do you have, all this
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kind of stuff. He says good style and speaking
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must be clear above all else, meaning the most important thing
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when you're communicating is that you're clear, he wrote.
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Style to be good must be clear as it is, as is proved by the
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fact that speech which fails to convey a plain meeting will fail
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to do just what speech has to do.
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So the whole point of speech is to convey a meaning, right?
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That that's the point. So we need to speak clearly to
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get our meaning across, our point across.
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When we're just flapping our lips and using big words and,
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and using all the, the words that we're, we're taught to use
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and we're not actually speaking clearly and conveying a meaning,
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then we're being deceitful in our speech practices, right?
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If your words don't land clearly, they fail.
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Period. As men of God, we have an even
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higher standard than what Aristotle was working with here.
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Not just clarity, or, you know, clarity for persuasion purposes,
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but clarity that honors the truth, that builds trust, and
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that reflects Christ. So let's get real.
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Why do we often avoid plain speech?
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I think fear is a main reason. We're afraid how they're going
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to respond. We don't want a negative
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reaction from them. We're afraid that we're going to
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sound harsh. We're afraid that we're going to
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be rejected, whatever it is. Pride, right?
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I don't want to look bad. I don't want to look foolish.
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I don't want them to leave this conversation and say something
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bad about me that reflects poorly on my character.
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We want to keep the peace at all cost.
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We're what's been called a peacemonger, just trying to keep
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peace and not willing to go through conflict to get to a a
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real resolution. But dodging directness usually
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actually backfires. I want to look at three real
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world examples where failing to speak clearly and directly
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causes serious problems in communication and business and
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relationships. And I'm going to tie each one to
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scripture. Number one is just failing in
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everyday communication. It's called this guy the passive
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hint dropper, right? He gets home after a long day,
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Your wife asks you how you're feeling about something
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important. You've got a vacation that she's
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planned or something coming forward and you got to pay for
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it. You got kids activities, can
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they join the sports league? It's going to cost this this
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much extra money, etcetera, etcetera.
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And instead of saying something directly like, whoa, I don't
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know, that's an unplanned expense.
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I'm a little stressed out about the budget.
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And if we're going to do that, we're going to have to cut back
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on some extras this month. We're going to have to limit
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some other categories of our budget.
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Instead of speaking directly like that, you say something
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like, I don't really know, you know, things are kind of tight,
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babe. Or I guess we can figure it out.
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Or that's what you, you know, just running around the point,
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not speaking clearly. Well, she hears that you you
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said some words, but you didn't speak the truth plainly.
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And So what happens? Misunderstandings build, right?
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Resentment starts to creep in. She hears that as a yes, you
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were kind of saying, I don't really want to do it, but you
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weren't really coming out there and saying it.
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And now you know, she spends the money.
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She does the thing, you get resentful about it because she's
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always spending this extra money and you got to figure out a way
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to pay for it, all this kind of stuff.
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Small issues begin to snowball into future arguments because
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she feels like she's constantly guessing your mind right.
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You're not speaking clean clearly.
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You're not speaking plainly. Well, this kind of echoes what
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Paul warns about in Ephesians 425, where he says, therefore,
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having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth
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with his neighbor. Neighbor, for we are members of
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one another. So speak the truth, right?
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Put away falsehood. Vague speech isn't outright
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lying, but it's still a form of falsehood.
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It's hiding the truth. It's hiding what you really
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think, it's hiding what you really feel and it eventually
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fractures fellowship. Jesus consistently modeled plain
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speech when he wanted to. If he wanted to hide A meaning,
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he did in his parables because he didn't want certain people to
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understand what he's talking about.
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But then he would speak plainly to his disciples and John 11/14
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when he's talking about they're like, hey, Lazarus is sick and
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you know, he's just asleep, no big deal, no big deal.
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And then they're like, oh, if he's just asleep, then let's
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just, let's just let him sleep it off.
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He'll be fine. He's like, and then he comes out
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in verse 14. He's like, no, Lazarus is dead,
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right? He spoke plainly.
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No more riddles. When clarity was needed, he gave
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it. So men stop hinting.
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Say it straight. Your words either build unity or
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eventually they will break unity.
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Speak plainly like a man. Now nothing frustrates me more
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than when a dude just can't say what he means.
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Excuse me? I want to be like, just get it
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out, junior. Just say what you're trying to
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say. He babbles on and on without
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making a clear point or being direct.
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Now, this is really an effeminate way to communicate,
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right? He dances around some idea in
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his head and he never comes straight out and just says what
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he thinks. Now I call this guy an
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obfuscating yapper. An obfuscating yapper.
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His words are plenty, but he never really says anything.
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Now, to obfuscate, that's a big fancy word, but it means to
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actually communicate in such a way that you make something
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harder to understand, right? To say something in an unclear
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way on purpose, because you don't want the other person to
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really know what you're trying to say.
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You don't know. You don't want them to know what
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you really think, right? You don't want to say the clear
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and direct thing because you're afraid of the ramifications.
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Well, overall, that's just dumb and unhelpful and it drives real
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men mad. So if you speak that way to
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another man, they're not going to want to hang out with you,
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they're not going to want to talk to you.
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They're not going to want to do business with you.
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They're always going to be thinking, what is that guy
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actually trying to say? If you want men to respect you
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and value your opinion, just freaking say what you mean.
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Be a man, all right? Example 2.
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This one is failing in business. It's the evasive, I'm going to
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call it the evasive negotiator, right?
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You're in a deal. You're making a deal with a new
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client or a partner and you realize you know the the terms
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of the deal, just they're not quite right.
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But instead of saying it directly like this price is too
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low for the value we're providing, here's what I need to
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make it work or no, I can't do it for that price.
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This is my price. This is what I this is what I
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need. Instead of doing that, you dance
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around it, right? Well, that that's going to be
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challenging. Or maybe we can revisit this
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later. Or you know what, we might be
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able to make this work knowing this won't work.
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And what you're going to do is you're going to push the ball
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down the field, right? You're punting on the
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conversation right now. And then on the back end, you're
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going to come back and you're going to bill higher or you're
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going to have change orders or whatever.
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And then you're going to probably make the client really
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mad. See, when you do this, we might
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be able to make it work. The other side assumes you're OK
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with the number, you're OK with the terms of the deal.
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And then if the deal closes and it basically closes poorly,
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you're going to deliver resentfully.
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You're going to be upset because you didn't get what you wanted.
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You're going to let quality slip often because hey, he's, he's
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getting what he's paid for. You know what I mean?
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Or you'll end up not meeting the budget and then throwing some
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unexpected costs on the back end and everybody gets frustrated,
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right? Eventually you could lose the
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client when the truth finally comes out.
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Or maybe he won't recommend you moving forward and it hurts your
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reputation. Bottom line is, trust erodes
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your Rep. Your reputation as a man of your
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word takes a hit. Now Proverbs 88 through 9 says
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all the words of my mouth are righteous.
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There is nothing twisted or crooked in them.
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They are all straight to Him who understands and write to those
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who find knowledge. I like those terms.
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Nothing in what I'm saying is twisted, nothing is crooked.
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They're all straight, right? I'm speaking directly.
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I'm speaking clearly. I'm speaking to the point.
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I'm not trying to hide my meaning, right?
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Indirect speech in business often masks fear or greed,
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leading to deceit by omission. I'm not saying what I really
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think. I'm not saying what's really
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there. Now Aristotle would call this
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unclear style of failure of rhetoric.
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Like your message doesn't persuade because it doesn't
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communicate plainly. But as Christian men, our yes is
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meant to be yes according to Jesus, right?
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We're to speak the truth in love as Ephesians 415 commands US.
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Directness builds credibility and it opens doors for you that
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God can bless all right, so we need to speak plainly Example 3
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This is just failing in relationships and this is the
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the conflict avoider. He doesn't speak plainly because
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he's constantly trying to avoid conflict.
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This is think of it like a guy in your missional community, a
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guy that you're friends with, a Christian man, he sins against
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you. Whatever.
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Maybe he lied about you, maybe he gossiped about you.
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I don't know, throw it in there. Whatever it is, he, he, he
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sinned about you. And instead of just pulling the
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dude aside and say, hey, man, I heard you said this, I heard you
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did this. What's up with that, right?
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Instead of doing that, going to him directly, you begin to drop
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hints to others. You begin to, you know, spread
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rumors about him or maybe even you just Stew silently.
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You just can't stand that guy. I don't trust that guy.
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I can't stand that guy. You never directed directly
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approached him and confronted him on it.
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You just kind of dismissed him. Or, you know, you're just
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sitting there and just stewing on it and you and resentment is
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growing, right? Or even worse, you just say, oh,
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it's no big deal, No big deal. And now you're just sitting
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there growing in bitterness. Well, the issue festers.
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Division spreads and ultimately your community, your friendship,
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your church, it's going, the body of Christ is going to
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suffer. And This is why Jesus tells us
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very specifically and directly what we're to do with this.
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Matthew 1815, if your brother or sister sins against you, go and
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point out their fault just between the two of you, right?
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That's the first step. Go to him, say, hey man, you did
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this. That was wrong, broke trust and
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hopefully that man repents right there.
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You do it plainly, you do it privately, you do it directly,
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not indirectly through third parties or passive comments,
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right. And again, Paul says something
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very similar in Ephesians 415 when he says speak the truth and
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love. Why?
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So we grow up into Christ. Now we don't do this because
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indirect speech avoids short term pain.
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It avoids those confrontational moments, it avoids, it avoids
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that uncertainty in that conversation where you just say
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what you mean and you don't know how they're going to react.
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It avoids short term pain, but it actually causes more long
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term relational wreckage. Right, As men, we're called to
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protect and restore, not let sin linger in the shadows, right?
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We want to put our sin to death. If a brother sins against me, I
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want to go confront him on it. I want to go in the spirit of
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grace and humility. And hopefully he responds the
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same way and he repents and I can forgive him and boom, it's
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over, right? It's under the blood of Christ.
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I can forgive him. We can be reconciled and we can
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move forward together. So what does plain direct speech
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look like for us as Christian men?
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What I'm not talking about is just saying everything you feel
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right and not thinking about how you say something.
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So just be harsh and be, you know, be a just, you know, call
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everybody an idiot right to their face.
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Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes that's totally fine.
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But I'm not just saying say what you feel I think #1 truthful,
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direct, clear. Speech needs to be rooted in
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prayer, right? Rooted in prayer and in God's
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Word. I want to ask God for the
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courage and the wisdom to say what I think and say and what I
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believe is right in the best way that I could possibly say it,
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right. James One says that if anyone
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lacks wisdom, let us ask God and he will give us wisdom #2 We
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want to speak the truth in love, right?
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Direct speech doesn't mean harsh.
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It doesn't mean, you know, going off the handle and getting
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angry. It means we, we temper the
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truth. We temper what we're trying to
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say with grace, right? So speak the truth in love #3
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own your words, right? Own your words.
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I talk a lot for a living, podcast, preaching, counseling.
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I feel like I'm talking 10 hours a day most days.
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And I say some things in an unhelpful way.
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I say some things in an unclear way.
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I say some things in a very clear way that are wrong.
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And I've got to own my words right.
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If I've sinned against a brother, if I've sinned against
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somebody, I need to repent of that.
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I need to own that. But don't be so afraid of saying
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the wrong thing that you don't say something right.
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Speak what you think. And often times you say
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something clearly and they'll go, oh, actually, no, that's not
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what happened. Boom.
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And you're like, OK, cool. And then you get new information
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and you adjust and now you're more educated and, you know,
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actually know what what you're talking about, right?
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But if you never speak clearly, you're not going to get that
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confrontation back. You're not going to get that
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exhortation back. You're not going to get that
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challenge back. That's actually going to make
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you more wise, right? So own your words.
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Let your yes be yes, let your no be no, no hedging.
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Speak clearly and then receive the feedback when you need to
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and adjust it. And then lastly, it's just just
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do it. Dudes, just practice this daily
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in marriage, in parenting, at work, at church, right?
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Start small. Now, if I know, if you're in the
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middle of some corporate monstrosity where everyone
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around you speaks this HR lingo and it's your organization
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actually punishes plain speech, it's going to be really hard for
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you to grow in this, right? But just practice saying what
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you think, saying what you believe.
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When your wife asks you something, speak plainly,
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kindly, right with grace. But speak plainly.
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Practice it daily. All right, so here's the idea.
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This world is full of vague, evasive talk, but God calls us
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to something higher. We want to be men who speak as
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sons of light, right? Plain, plainly reflecting God's
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truth. So let me close with this Second
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Corinthians 42. But we have renounced
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disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or
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to tamper with God's Word. But by the open statement of the
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truth, we would commend ourselves to everyone's
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conscience in the sight of God, right?
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That's our standard, right? We're representing God's word.
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We're representing goodness, truth and beauty.
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So we want to speak plainly, we want to lead boldly, and we want
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to honor Christ. Now then, if you are convicted
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or helped by this podcast in any way, I would really appreciate
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you giving us a like down below, subscribing, sharing it wherever
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you can share it, share it to friends, share it on your social
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media. We want to make a bigger impact
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for the Kingdom of God. We want to help men speak
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plainly and directly. And so guys, I, I pray this is a
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blessing to you. I pray it was a benefit to you.
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And now I just say go act like men, be strong in the Lord,
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speak clearly, speak directly. God bless.
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I'll talk to you next week.