Latest / ZoukNerds • Learn | Build | Belong / How to Turn Comparison into Powerful, Aligned Inspiration (S05 Ep63)

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How to Turn Comparison into Powerful, Aligned Inspiration (S05 Ep63) · ZoukNerds • Learn | Build | Belong

0:00
I started dance with 22 years old.
0:02
I was journalist and in my mind I would never become a dance
0:08
professional. I even though had this goal.
0:10
We are understanding comparison is something negative,
0:13
inspiration is something positive.
0:14
The thing is, I think that the inspiration comes from a
0:18
comparison Is more like I look at the differences.
0:22
If I don't dress a certain way, if I don't go to certain events,
0:24
if I don't participate in competitions, so on and so
0:28
forth, then when I go to the social, nobody wants to dance
0:31
with me. It.
0:32
Was very weird when people was watching my dance at the
0:35
beginning and some people complained that I don't smile so
0:38
much but at the beginning it doesn't align with me when I
0:41
start to do it. Felt faith, you know?
0:44
They think people will love you more when you're just being
0:46
yourself instead of when you're trying to be somebody else.
0:49
Don't lose the pleasure of the dancer that you are to the
0:52
dancer that you want to become, because the dancer that you will
0:55
become, it's related with the dancer that you are right now.
1:01
Are you mistaken comparison for inspiration?
1:06
How do you move from negative self judgement to authentic self
1:11
acceptance? How do you stop asking why am I
1:14
not like them and start growing? Well, let's find out.
1:20
Hello, hello everyone, and welcome back to Zook Nerds.
1:24
In this episode, we are exploring why many dancers, even
1:27
professionals, struggle to enjoy their talent due to negative
1:31
comparison. We'll discuss how comparison can
1:35
easily become a negative voice and how you can convert that
1:39
observation into powerful aligning inspiration.
1:44
Remember, don't lose the pleasure of the dancer you are
1:48
to the dancer you want to become.
1:50
So let's go. Hello, hello everybody and
2:01
welcome back to another episode. My name is Alison Sanji and
2:06
today we have once again our beautiful Co host GI Prada.
2:09
Hello, GI. Hello, Alison.
2:11
Hello, everybody. Welcome back.
2:13
And welcome back again to another beautiful queen, Paloma
2:18
Alvis with us here. Hello, Paloma.
2:21
Welcome back. Hello, hello guys, Super happy
2:24
to be here. Bye.
2:26
It feels like we just stopped recording, but it's actually not
2:29
true. It's been a week since the last
2:32
time and we hopefully look better because we're more
2:35
rested. And today we're going to get a
2:38
little bit more into the emotional, personal side of our
2:43
dancing and a little bit of our personal life as well.
2:46
We're going to be talking about the difference between
2:49
inspiration and comparison. Just talking about these already
2:54
gives me so many memories about moments in my life where I wish
2:59
I knew better about this. So hopefully this episode is
3:02
going to help you guys out either in your dance life or
3:06
personal life, because what is good about it?
3:10
What is bad about it? Well, we'll find out.
3:13
But before that, can I ask you, Paloma, just to give us a little
3:17
intro on how you see this difference between inspiration
3:21
and comparison, either in your personal life or in your dance
3:25
journey? OK, when I think about that,
3:29
it's very easy to ready connect with the beginning of my journey
3:33
because I started dance with 22 years old and I was finishing my
3:39
course. I was journalist and in my mind
3:44
I would never become a dance professional.
3:47
I even though had this goal because it was impossible,
3:51
right? I didn't did ballet or other
3:54
dance at the beginning. I always picture a professional
3:58
dancer as someone that is started very young and a young
4:02
age. And my first inspirations, the
4:06
queen, Henatha Pisania, for example, Lysa Lipsher, Lai
4:10
Satayani, they are all ballerines.
4:13
They all had backgrounds in other dances, right?
4:17
So in my mind was very hard to imagine.
4:22
And even when I really started to train and compete and become
4:27
part of the scene, was a long journey comparing instead of
4:31
just getting inspired. Of course had this moment that I
4:35
watched them and I was like, wow, all of these possibilities.
4:39
But at some point I was getting so much stuck in my head, even
4:45
doubting why I'm here. It doesn't make sense.
4:49
I was totally watching the way I was dancing, the quality of my
4:53
movements and wasn't. There wasn't.
4:57
And for many years I doubt my value because I was more in the
5:01
side of comparison and not so much getting more inspired, you
5:07
know? But I was keep doing, but in my
5:11
mind or when I look back, I was doing.
5:14
I will keep training. I was keep involving, but many
5:18
times with the wrong mindset because I was focused so much
5:23
outside and not so much engage with my own development.
5:29
So that's for me is the first example that come up to my mind,
5:33
you know, and it took years for me to understand that my journey
5:39
and become a professional dancer in the scene also gives so much
5:44
maybe inspiration or motivation for people that doesn't have
5:49
background. People start to ask me, oh, you
5:52
turned so nice. Did you did ballet?
5:54
And I was like, no, actually not.
5:57
But at the beginning when I answered that, I answered with a
6:00
little bit of shame. That was the level of
6:03
consciousness that I have, you know, and nowaday I'm OK to say
6:07
that. And nowadays I'm OK to say like,
6:10
yes, I don't. And actually I'm appreciate it
6:14
so much that inside of the Brazilian I found so many
6:20
techniques. They are come from those dance
6:23
because the same people that I get inspired, they brought those
6:26
techniques inside of this dance. So see the fundamentals, the
6:33
elements in Zook helped me to build the dance that I have.
6:38
Of course, I did one class in there or I received specifically
6:43
on my training techniques from my ex dance partner.
6:47
He also did ballet, you know, But I didn't have the need to,
6:54
or if I want to become a professional, I need to stop
6:57
everything now and go about like classes.
7:00
If it's not, I would not be able to dance.
7:02
You know what I mean? I don't know if it was a little
7:05
bit confused. No, that makes sort of sense.
7:08
And a follow up question to that is, what made you think that you
7:14
didn't belong? What made you think that your
7:17
body wasn't moving like it should be for a professional
7:22
dancer back then? This word confess me, you know,
7:28
like when I saw my friends, especially because let's say,
7:32
let's trying to make maybe more simple from the beginning, one
7:38
of my goals is to become a really good social dancer.
7:43
I don't remember to really have the goals to become amazing
7:48
performer, but because I was teaching, but I also was doing
7:53
performance. When I look to my performance
7:56
and look at them, I was like, Oh my gosh, I don't do this, I
8:00
don't do that. I don't have this, but I was not
8:04
training for this. Actually most of my efforts was
8:09
towards to improve my teaching and to improving my skills and
8:13
social dancing. And that's the tricky part
8:16
because of the beginning, I was not being fair with myself.
8:21
I was asking something that I was not doing.
8:24
So I never really stopped to really train and exercise to do
8:30
a spaca, but for a while was like, I don't know how to do
8:34
that. Maybe they compare like my
8:37
technique or my capacity because I don't do that.
8:40
Probably no one was comparing this, but in my mind I was
8:44
creating that story, you know? But at some point I realized,
8:49
yeah, I was training my footwork, I was training my
8:54
lines and I was training the way this dance I can embody more, I
8:59
can feel more natural, the way I was connecting more with the
9:03
music. But I was not training for those
9:06
things that I was comparing myself.
9:09
So that's the part for me that can be very tricky and very
9:13
dangerous is when we are seeking for results and we are not
9:18
checking our priorities, what is truly important for us.
9:24
So when I look back, I was like, yeah, I was really doing the
9:27
things that it's more in a line with my essence because yes, I
9:34
would say that I'm in peace with one of my goals.
9:38
That was I first, I want to have the stability in my dance and
9:42
then I want to dance with different people.
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I want to be able to dance with different styles in this dance.
9:50
And again that, you know, but these little words in my mind
9:55
for Wilde was saying, but you don't do that.
9:58
But you still don't have this. But you know, so nowadays much
10:03
easier to watch a performance or to watch my friends.
10:06
They're saying is like, wow, they have this incredible
10:10
capacity and it's crazy how they do this and it can get inspired
10:16
and still do things to check on my body with the age that I have
10:22
with a story that I have all the things and see what is the
10:26
result that I can get. Being fair with myself, being
10:31
fair with the things that I'm doing, my daily life, daily
10:34
life, professional life, because they're for me.
10:37
They're all mix it up. Yeah, I completely agree.
10:40
And I can relate to that because over my first 10 plus years of
10:45
being a professional person in this industry, I didn't enjoy my
10:51
dancing, I didn't enjoy my shows, or I didn't enjoy any
10:56
moment that I was showcasing my skills or showcasing my talent
11:01
because I was always comparing myself to others.
11:05
I would watch my shows, I would watch the demos and go like, Oh
11:08
no, but I didn't do this. Oh, no, but we didn't do that.
11:12
Like, it doesn't matter. Whatever people came to me and
11:16
said to me, I never felt what they were saying.
11:21
If you just told me, oh, you just did an amazing demo, I'll
11:25
go like, oh, thank you, thank you.
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But like, out of respect, I would have said that, but inside
11:31
I didn't believe it. I didn't feel it only the last
11:34
four or five years of my life that I've started accepting and
11:40
then also started feeling it. So I think it came from like
11:45
accepting what people are saying, believing in what people
11:49
are saying and then allowing myself to feel it.
11:52
So it's a very weird journey for me, but I'm glad we are in this
11:57
position. And how about Yugi?
11:59
Did you have that situation in your path as well, or did you
12:04
just Buddha all the way? I Buddha all the way.
12:12
I know you somehow right? Always a lie.
12:18
Always a lie. No, actually I have a very
12:22
complicated situation with comparison.
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The bottom line thing I think for us here is we are
12:29
understanding comparison is something negative, inspiration
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is something positive, right? The thing is I think that the
12:37
inspiration comes from a comparison is more like how you
12:41
look at it, how you look at the differences, you know.
12:44
So comparison for me was often presented in the way that we are
12:50
talking about here. There's something that this
12:53
person has that you could be doing but that you are not doing
12:57
to achieve this thing here that I think will be good for you.
13:01
So in my family, my parents would compare me to the sons and
13:06
daughters of their friends that were getting to this thing and
13:10
getting these things and reaching these careers and stuff
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like that, my grandparents. So I had a really hard time with
13:17
the idea of comparing in the sense of there is something that
13:21
they are doing that you should be doing to achieve the same
13:24
thing that they are, that we think is good for you.
13:27
And that's the interesting thing about it.
13:29
You know, when we have comparison presented to you in
13:34
this way, you resist it, resisted it strongly, you know,
13:38
like I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it because
13:42
that's not my essence, which was what you're talking about in the
13:44
Marine. I think then when we connect
13:48
with the essence, the comparison that you do and the differences
13:52
that you see, they turn into inspiration because you are
13:57
wanting to achieve a certain place that you see that this
14:00
person achieved or has not necessarily the same way.
14:06
So I think because of my relationship with comparison
14:09
growing up, I started to really repel it in my being.
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I really try and I don't compare in the sense of man, there's
14:21
this thing that I should be doing that I'm not doing right
14:24
now. You know, the problem is when
14:27
you become professional teacher and then you see what you think
14:31
the market wants and that's the thing.
14:35
You are like, this is my essence, right?
14:38
I'm really happy with this thing and in my case I would compare
14:43
myself to other dances and like as as packet for example.
14:47
Never felt the need to open this packet.
14:50
By the way, for those of you listening who don't know what
14:52
we're talking about here in this packet, I don't know where that
14:55
word comes from, but it's what we call in Brazil, the split.
14:59
So doing the split, yeah, but in Portuguese we call it spakat for
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some reason. For some reason that's.
15:05
That's true, yeah. Never felt the need to have a
15:09
partner that can do it. Never felt the desire to do it
15:13
in. Never, ever, ever, ever.
15:15
So that never occurred to me. But then when it comes to
15:21
certain movements or certain shapes or certain combinations
15:25
or certain combos, for example, that thing that people started
15:28
doing, turn, turn, turn, turn and then finish the turn,
15:31
putting the hand on the back that the leaders do do this
15:34
thing here, I never felt the need to learn that.
15:38
But then every single person is doing that thing.
15:43
And I was like, should I learn this?
15:48
You know, there is first this thing of inspiration like, wow,
15:52
there is something that they do that I can't do or that I don't
15:55
know how to do right now. Very cool, amazing.
15:59
And then comes the other parts, which is like, wait, should I
16:03
learn this thing? Is this important?
16:06
I think the important process for me that came from the
16:08
childhood part was to almost like as a rebel, you know, I'm
16:16
going to stick to what I want to do and I'm going to turn all
16:21
these things into inspiration or admiration, you know.
16:24
So I still have a hard time with comparison.
16:26
When I'm compared to someone or when somebody compares people in
16:30
front of me, I have a really hard time listening or have a
16:34
really hard time staying in tune with it.
16:36
Sometimes I even ask people don't compare in front of me.
16:41
Stop shadow traumas. You know, as a dance
16:45
professional, sometimes it's hard not to.
16:49
I need to hold myself back from comparing.
16:52
For example, there is the comparison of how we dance, but
16:57
there is a comparison of how we perform our craft in the sense
17:01
of how we teach and where we should be teaching and how much
17:04
we should be teaching for who we should be teaching.
17:08
All of these things are also matters of comparison.
17:10
I think for me and I think for us to for.
17:12
Sure, yeah. And then, for example, we are
17:17
home here right now, but then there's an event going on and
17:20
all these other people are there and you're like, I mean, should
17:23
I have made some effort to be in that event?
17:27
You know, so that can be complicated.
17:30
But connecting with no, I'm grounding what I want to do and
17:35
how I want to dance and trying as much as possible to believe
17:39
what people tell me when they say good things, when they say
17:43
good things about the this and good things about the class and
17:45
good things about the path. Yeah.
17:47
So I'm really trying to connect with what I've been hearing from
17:51
people and not so much with the voice inside my head that wants
17:57
to belong. I think that I should be doing
17:59
this, all these things here. So yeah, that's.
18:02
Yeah, And we're talking about professionals here, but I think
18:06
this trickles down to every single dancer in the community
18:10
as well. Because we hear all the time
18:13
students coming to us and saying, hey, should I buy those
18:17
pairs of shoes that I see everybody wearing, or should I
18:21
wear those pants that I see the teachers wearing?
18:24
Or should I go and learn counterbalance?
18:28
Or should I learn these? Or should I let my hair grow?
18:32
Because I feel like if I don't have a long hair as a follower,
18:36
maybe leaders not going to want to dance with me.
18:38
All of those small, big things that everybody's talking about.
18:44
Because if I don't dress a certain way, if I don't go to
18:46
certain events, if I don't participate in competitions, so
18:51
on and so forth, then when I go to the social, nobody knows me
18:55
or nobody looks at me or nobody wants to dance with me.
18:58
Leaders and followers thinking about this in the same way that
19:02
as a professional, we're thinking, should we go to this
19:05
event? Should we create a new
19:07
choreography? Should we post a new demo over
19:10
Tricky Cool move because we want to be seen.
19:12
We want to be relevant and fresh in people's memories.
19:18
So then people go like, OK, hey, I want to go to their class just
19:22
as a regular social dancer who will think I want to dress a
19:26
certain way. I want to participate in certain
19:28
classes or competitions because I want people to see me.
19:32
I remember one of our very dear friends from DC saying that one
19:37
of the main reasons that she was participating in Jack and Jill
19:42
was to make sure that she would meet people during the Jack and
19:48
Jill, that she could then social dance on that evening.
19:52
Especially if she's going to an event, let's say in Europe or in
19:57
Brazil or somewhere where she doesn't know people.
20:01
She'll go like, oh, I'll just enter Jack and Jill.
20:03
And during the Jack and Jill, the lining up and the socials
20:08
and then after the Jack and Jill, you get to know people.
20:10
And then later in the social, it's easier to social dance if
20:14
you do that. So that was like a strategy that
20:17
she had going to events where she didn't know enough people.
20:20
Like, did she have to do that? No, but it was a way that she
20:26
found to get a benefit out of it.
20:29
Right. But in other scenarios, I think
20:32
people do it because they feel the pressure.
20:34
Well, if I don't do Jack and Jill, then what am I doing?
20:38
You know, Or if I don't go to every class in the Congress,
20:42
then people are not going to know me.
20:44
Or as simple as if I don't go to the social and dance with every
20:49
single person, I'm never going to be a great social dancer.
20:53
There's so many things in the community that even as students
20:57
we have to be careful. Because the way I think about it
21:00
is that in the past, the comparison was negative in my
21:06
experience because I was focused on the things that I didn't have
21:10
and using that as an excuse for the things that I didn't
21:14
achieve. So I didn't achieve this because
21:16
I didn't do that. I didn't achieve this because I
21:18
didn't have that. Nowadays for me, the comparison
21:21
is more like, OK, that person does this or that person does
21:25
that. Cool, now that's inspiring.
21:30
I love it. But does that align with my
21:33
goals? Does that align with how I want
21:37
to dance? Does that align with my future?
21:40
If it doesn't align, I'm not going to learn that move.
21:43
I'm not going to perform that way.
21:45
I'm not going to wear those clothes.
21:47
For me, if it doesn't align with what I feel that is true to my
21:51
present and my future, then I just let it go.
21:55
So that's what I normally recommend to people when they
21:58
ask me, they're asking, like I mentioned before, should I learn
22:01
this? Should aware that?
22:02
Should I do that? Is it?
22:04
Look, if it's something that you see in your life that could make
22:08
you happy, just regardless of how other people are doing this,
22:12
something that you like it or not, then do it.
22:16
If not, then just let it go. Be yourself, because I think
22:20
people will love you more when you're just being yourself
22:23
instead of when you're trying to be somebody else, for sure.
22:27
Yeah, I think the greatest leap for me was moving the act of
22:33
comparing from the instantaneous judgements that comes to
22:39
observation. You know, his eyes are blue, his
22:43
eyes are brown. You know, his hair is black, his
22:47
hair is dark. So it's like the observation of
22:50
the differences versus all blue eyes are better than brown eyes,
22:55
blonde hair is better than a brown hair, you know?
22:58
So through the mechanisms of social approval or social
23:02
belonging, I think we automatically tie an observation
23:06
of the difference to which one is better and moving that to
23:11
just observing first and then seeing if and where the
23:14
difference aligns or not with what you were pursuing.
23:18
Then the act of comparing becomes just a thing that you
23:22
do, you know, just like observations that you make of
23:25
the world. And the result of this
23:28
comparison, you can make it as indifferent, like, OK, blue
23:33
eyes, brown eyes, you can make as inspiration look, oh, I want
23:39
to do a spa cat. No, I want to do the splits.
23:41
It's so cool that it does. Let me go to this person and ask
23:44
how did you train to do your spa cat?
23:46
You know, or you can see something that how I don't know
23:50
how to do that. Therefore I don't belong in this
23:53
world because apparently in this world everybody does the splits.
23:57
And in worst cases, I think the comparison in this sense that
24:02
you make a judgement call right away as you observe the
24:05
differences, you start seeing people as threats.
24:09
You know, so when somebody new comes in knowing how to do all
24:13
these things that you can't do, and you look at them and you
24:17
compare and you see the difference and you feel
24:20
threatened by that person, that that person will take her place
24:23
or the person will be more important than you.
24:26
You know, without necessarily or without sometimes connecting
24:30
with the person or perhaps realizing that it's that
24:34
person's another path, that person is doing something else
24:37
is doing something different. You know, So being in the death
24:41
world, in the death industry, we exposed to that very often, I
24:47
think with social media. And I think not only there's, I
24:51
think humans in general with this matter of comparison and
24:55
belonging and wanting to be attractive in the sense of have
24:59
other people like them, you know, to be liked, see
25:02
themselves comparing all the time, especially now with social
25:05
media, Not now, but for a while now, for years now, standards of
25:09
beauty, standards of wealth is standards of lifestyle.
25:13
And in our case, the standards of dancing, too.
25:16
You know, I started teaching 2017, 2018, and the dance was in
25:22
a way. And then after the pandemic, the
25:24
dance was awfully different. And then the process of
25:29
comparing kicking in. Do I need to start dancing like
25:32
that? You know, like, why I don't do
25:34
Jack and Jill? Jack and Jill is my Achilles
25:38
heel in the comparison thing. Jack and Jill is The thing is
25:41
like my dance is not the dance that I think people want to see
25:44
in this setting right here in this environment.
25:47
Because I compare my social dance and even when I go more
25:51
performatic and do my things, you know, the drama and stuff
25:55
make their faces and wink to an imaginary camera.
25:59
In the actual checking due portion, I compare my dance to
26:04
the dance that I watch over and over again, especially
26:06
Instagram, and things like this is not my dance, you know?
26:10
And I think this is a great point that you're making here,
26:13
because nowadays social media specialists have actually
26:18
stopped calling it social media because it has turned into
26:23
interest media. So social media was created for
26:27
people to socialize. Nowadays, your social media feed
26:32
is not socialization, it's interest.
26:35
It's showing things for you to be hooked and to stay longer.
26:40
And if the algorithm realizes that you're kind of almost
26:44
closing the app, it will show you something that keeps you
26:47
interested. And keep scrolling and keep
26:48
reading. Keep doing things because it's
26:51
not about being social anymore. And that's the biggest issue
26:56
with the influence of social slash interest media in our
27:00
personal lives and in our dense community as well, because we
27:05
have to be more intentional about finding what we actually
27:09
want to see. Like I have to go to the search
27:13
bar and look for the name of the person that I want to see.
27:17
Because, for example, if that person is not one of the people
27:21
in the community that is like blowing up right now, they're
27:25
probably not going to show up in my feed even if they post
27:28
something because it's not what the algorithm thinks that I want
27:33
to see. So it's kind of like what Guy
27:36
mentioned a couple of episodes ago or multiple episodes ago.
27:41
And I do the same with my YouTube.
27:44
I watch news from different outlets, from complete different
27:50
political views to actually make sure that the algorithm stays
27:56
confused. You know, do I like this?
27:58
Do I hate this? It doesn't know because I keep
28:02
watching everything in every opinion.
28:04
So even in my interest media, I try to keep it confused.
28:08
So then I will continue to see a little bit of everything.
28:14
And now getting out of the technology space, I think this
28:18
is something that we should do with our life, to remember the
28:22
things that we actually love and the things that we actually
28:26
enjoy doing and make a conscious effort to bring it to our lives.
28:32
If you love to go to the park, but your friends never go to the
28:35
park, and then you stop going to the park because your friends
28:38
and your family and your partner doesn't go to the park, you
28:41
should still make the time and the priority to go to the park.
28:46
Otherwise you're just being carried by everything around you
28:50
and you're not looking into yourself and feeding yourself.
28:53
What are you saying impersonates so much with something that I
28:56
learned this year I participate in a group mentorship that this
29:00
guy was inviting us to be careful with the amount of time
29:05
that we pass and social medias is scrolling because sometimes
29:10
instead of getting inspired by what we are watching, actually
29:15
is the opposite. We getting drained, we start to
29:19
be like less in touch with our own creativity.
29:23
So he says he's not about to stop completely and not be
29:27
there, especially with people that work or to really use to
29:30
socialize anyways. He was just saying that it's
29:34
very important to check with yourself.
29:36
The balance in between you checking on with you was are the
29:41
things that resonates with you, that is in a line with you.
29:45
As you say, go into a park or going in to learn something, but
29:50
check if this motivates you, gets you inspired first by
29:56
yourself by this process of self observation.
30:01
Because when we are there just looking, that is the moment that
30:04
sometimes the compassion in the aspect that I'm saying can be so
30:11
the opposite of getting motivated about to do things
30:14
because we are just saying like, oh, this person is doing this.
30:17
What I'm doing right now, I'm not doing this or this person is
30:21
doing that or I'm not capable. I don't have this lifestyle.
30:24
So but what I have. So the process of self
30:28
observation for me is also related in my personal life for
30:32
sure. But in dance I many times says
30:37
to my students to help them to find what they actually want by
30:42
looking to say like what you like, What is the way you listen
30:47
to the music? What is the feeling that you
30:49
have when you want to do this movement that I did or the other
30:52
professional did or your friend did?
30:55
How is the sensation by doing on your own body and makes sense to
31:00
you when you do it in this way. Maybe for you is different,
31:04
maybe you don't resonate with that, but it can be tricky if
31:07
you just get it stuck. If I will not do that, I will
31:10
not see as beautiful, I will not be accepted.
31:14
I think we are talking with something very important because
31:18
this kind of human being wound is we want to be seen, we want
31:23
to be accepted even when we say no, no, no, I don't, I don't
31:27
know. We want, you know, it's part of
31:29
our nature. And then normally what I say
31:33
today is that thing that you like it so much in someone is
31:38
because they are spending time to checking on yourself.
31:42
They are in spending time to get nourishing by the things that
31:47
makes sense for them. So if you like the way I step,
31:51
it's because I get freaky for a while and because this really
31:55
fascinates me and instead of just want to step in the same
31:59
way, what do you like? If you stop for a bit and not
32:04
watching me or not watch another person, you will find the answer
32:09
of the thing that really resonates with you.
32:13
And then first engage with that. First engage with the thing that
32:17
you like. For example, for me, I wasn't a
32:21
dancer and in my dance journey that I would say that I was
32:25
musical. I have a lot of musicality.
32:27
No, but the way I found to get in touch with my musicality was
32:32
first understand what is the type of music that you know,
32:36
give me the taste and it like I like that.
32:40
And then it was R&B. For example, I found in R&B
32:44
songs that I like the clap. Oh, I like the melody.
32:47
It moves me. So the soil for me was get in
32:53
touch first with the things that I like.
32:55
But for a while I was like, oh, for someone see me, I should do
33:00
this. I should do that for be
33:03
accepted. I remember like I don't know, it
33:06
was very weird when people like was watching my dance at the
33:10
beginning and some people complain that I don't smile so
33:13
much. And then when I look at around
33:16
me, yes, most of dancers is smiling when they are dancing.
33:20
But at the beginning, it doesn't align with me when I start to do
33:24
because someone said for me that I should do it felt fake, you
33:29
know, And it's lowly on my own rhythm.
33:33
I find a way to like, yeah, I was my one.
33:36
Makes sense for me. And I prefer that than me faking
33:41
something just because inside of this container you should do
33:46
something. It makes sense.
33:48
Yeah, makes a lot of sense because it's a very common story
33:52
when somebody does something because they should do
33:55
something. And then far down the line they
33:58
realize they are disconnected from their essence, really truth
34:01
from what they really wanted to do.
34:03
And then there was this big life pivot like I did.
34:07
There's this thing and there's almost like movie scripts as
34:10
well. I did everything I think I
34:12
should have done and I did, but I still feel.
34:15
Empty. Yeah, exactly.
34:18
I actually started dancing because of a movie like that.
34:21
Like, shall we dance? You know, like the guy did
34:24
everything he should. He has a family, good work, nice
34:29
life, but there was something missing, you know, And I think
34:34
in this process of comparing, getting inspired, something that
34:39
really changed for me is when the comparison became
34:44
observation and then for observation became alignment.
34:49
The thing that I realized I don't have, I want to have
34:51
because it aligns. It makes sense for me to have
34:55
then getting interested in the process that took someone to
34:59
that place. So it's more like get inspired
35:03
by the process that took somebody to that place and not
35:08
necessarily to do what they do, but you understand how they got
35:11
to do what they do. And that's very different.
35:14
You know, I think there is this thing in dance that people don't
35:19
want to copy. They don't want to be copies of
35:21
somebody. And then us as teachers, there
35:25
is this fear that we don't want the student to copy us.
35:29
But I have a completely different point of view.
35:31
I don't think there's a problem at all to become a copy of
35:34
someone. I think it's part of the
35:35
process. Actually it's part of the
35:37
process with. Copy and then slowly you get on
35:40
your own identity. Yeah.
35:42
Because in the process of copying, the process of copy,
35:46
for me, it's a process of inspiration.
35:49
You are inspired by the person, the person is a reference and
35:53
you are really wanting to do what they're doing.
35:56
The thing is, and that has been my experience and experience of
35:58
those around me. In this process, you find the
36:02
identity. So in the process of copying the
36:05
reference point, you find. So even if you do exactly what
36:11
the person is doing, you are doing your way.
36:14
You know, you have the DNA, you might have this thing that you
36:17
can identify as coming from this other person, but still you, I
36:24
think, and over time you change it.
36:26
So I think it's a really healthy thing when you tap into the
36:33
process that took somebody to the points that you are getting
36:36
inspired by, which is started with a comparison, you know, so
36:41
with an observational comparison, not a judgement call
36:44
comparison in the negative way, not oh, I don't have this thing
36:49
pull me. No, like, oh, I don't have this
36:52
thing. How can I get, I like it.
36:54
It is so poor. I want to be able to do this
36:57
thing and align so much with me. You know, I remember when we
37:01
were training one time, me, Alison, Kelsey, we did a bunch
37:05
of things and a bunch of crazy stuff that Alison does with
37:09
practice on and stuff. And I liked it and I wanted to
37:13
copy it. The thing is that as we were
37:16
copying it, we were finding our way to do the things that he was
37:20
showing, you know, like how can I make this work for my
37:24
shoulder, how they make this work for my bendiness, or how
37:28
can make this work for Kelsey's heights?
37:30
Solving the process, you find new ways you know.
37:34
Sure, and it reminds me so much the way we learn, you know, we
37:38
learn a language, we learn how to you know, we first copy we
37:42
first, or if it takes like this, like this person do, I will do
37:46
the same. And then I get this totally.
37:49
I agree with that and reminds me like of pandemic again, that
37:54
when everything shifts somehow now it's another story for
37:57
another episode. Maybe I get into Sao Paulo, you
38:01
know, during pandemic, and then I get in touch with the new
38:05
generation and I get very inspired by training with them,
38:10
with Mark and Melissa, Nina Matteos.
38:14
But at the beginning, first my mind was like, wow, it's so
38:18
different. They are doing so many things.
38:21
And I was like, I don't know if I'm able to.
38:24
I think during pandemic I was in my fast mindset.
38:28
I was very open. I was very centered because I
38:31
had time with myself to, you know, therapy and many things.
38:36
I really get like excited to be around them and to train things
38:42
and to try things differently. And at some point I was like
38:47
very attracted by all the things they was doing and I was
38:52
training with them. And then at some point I coming
38:54
back to my center to really check with myself like, yes, I
38:58
like those things and I can try, but let me check again what is
39:02
the things that I really wanted to put my attention.
39:06
So I was finding my own balance. But at the beginning I felt
39:10
like, wow, I cannot do these things, You know, like I don't
39:14
think so anymore, but was a example for me that was very
39:19
nice when you really get inspired, but not compares in a
39:23
negative way in terms of like, for sure, I will not have the
39:28
spine off either to do the flexibility that she has.
39:32
But I was like. I want.
39:35
But I was like, wow, it's so beautiful.
39:38
Let me check the sensation with my own.
39:42
And I think that's a great summary for everything that we
39:44
talked about in the episode today, which is to focus on the
39:48
process, to focus on your own journey.
39:51
It's kind of something that I do sometimes when I think about
39:54
buying something, just think about it for two weeks, maybe 4
39:59
weeks. You know, because it's exciting
40:02
when you find something new and cool and you want to buy it
40:06
because you think, well, if I buy another camera, of course
40:09
everything is going to be better.
40:10
Life is going to be better, My entire workflow is going to be
40:14
better. But is it really going to change
40:16
much? No, it's not going to change
40:18
much. The new shoes, the new pants, or
40:21
one move or another move. So put it on the shelf, check
40:26
again in two weeks or in four weeks and see if the excitement,
40:29
the fire, the passion is still there.
40:31
And if it is, you're going to find a way in life to get there.
40:36
If you don't have the money, you're going to find a way to
40:39
save the money. If you don't have the skills,
40:40
you're going to find a way to acquire the skills.
40:44
But when we instantly compare something and we just put that
40:48
into like, I don't have it, I should have it, or I'm not good
40:53
enough because I don't have it, that's a big problem.
40:56
So let's all focus on get inspired and really improving
41:02
our own journey and processing dance, which I'm sure is going
41:06
to reflect in our personal life as well, right?
41:09
For sure. And I like to say, don't lose
41:12
the pleasure of the dancer that you are to the dancer that you
41:15
want to become because the dancer that you will become,
41:19
it's related with the dancer that you are right now and to
41:22
give appreciation for what you have and how you are at this
41:28
right moment. That is the soil for you.
41:32
Bloom in the future, you know, and give a space.
41:35
Give a space for yourself. We all have a unique message.
41:40
We all delivered something so we can get inspired, but we need to
41:46
coming back. Amen.
41:49
OK, Amen. I don't think I can say anything
41:51
after that, so I'm just going to say thank you for being here
41:54
once again, Paloma Andy. Thank you guys, was lovely.
42:00
And so thank you, Paloma. Thank you, Guy.
42:03
Thank you. You guys are awesome.
42:06
And we'll see you on the next episode.
42:09
So spacious, spacious Abrasus and Ciao by people.