Latest / Privycast / Ep. 34 Big Ol Viking Log

Transcript

Ep. 34 Big Ol Viking Log · Privycast

• 0:00
  This Independence Day, wrap yourself in comfort and freedom with Minky Couture.
• 0:06
  From stars, stripes, and snaggles to cozy classics, our luxury blankets are proudly made to comfort.
• 0:13
  Whether you're watching fireworks or hosting backyard barbecues, be proud to be cozy all summer long.
• 0:20
  Celebrate comfort.
• 0:21
  Celebrate freedom.
• 0:23
  Celebrate you.
• 0:24
  Shop now at minkycouture.com and make your Fourth of July unforgettably cozy.
• 0:30
  It is 8 inches long and 2 inches in girth and the homie flat dropped it.
• 0:44
  Back to privy.
• 0:46
  Privy is a podcast about toilets and bathrooms recorded here right now from my home bathroom.
• 0:55
  I'm on the toilet right now.
• 0:58
  Not a lot of bathroom mishaps and things this week.
• 1:02
  ah I do have a pretty sweet story coming up for you guys, ah but I think I need to wait until...
• 1:12
  I think I need to wait.
• 1:13
  until a little time passes before I share it.
• 1:16
  ah But teaser for a fun one in the future.
• 1:23
  Farted at the gym, what can you say?
• 1:25
  Yeah.
• 1:26
  Nothing gives off strong don't talk to me at the gym vibes like tooting when you're sitting up.
• 1:35
  Yeah.
• 1:36
  This week on Parivi we're just gonna, know, some weeks you just.
• 1:41
  Some weeks you just gotta dive right into it.
• 1:44
  And this is one of those weeks.
• 1:45
  uh This week on Privy, we're tapping into our um how to train your dragon sense of things.
• 1:55
  Leif Erickson.
• 1:57
  can't think of Leif Erickson without thinking of SpongeBob and Leif Erickson day.
• 2:03
  You just can't do it.
• 2:05
  Those big freaking meatballs they served at the Montana State Fair.
• 2:09
  The Oregon State Fair is in full swing right now.
• 2:12
  I do not believe I am going to have the, what I will call an opportunity to attend.
• 2:18
  And if you want to talk about the post-bathroom...
• 2:24
  landscape and food.
• 2:27
  Man, look no further than the State Fair.
• 2:30
  That'll mess your bathroom up.
• 2:32
  But they used to serve these big freaking meatballs at the Montana State Fair and they call them these Vikings.
• 2:38
  I never had one, but it was essentially a giant deep fat fried meatball uh on a stick.
• 2:46
  It was grotesque looking.
• 2:47
  It was the size of a softball and just a big ball of meat.
• 2:52
  Meatball.
• 2:55
  Montana State Fair.
• 2:56
  The Montana State Fair also gave us a thing called the cow pie.
• 3:01
  Now if you've never had one of these, what we got going...
• 3:04
  And no, it's not a turd or a poop.
• 3:06
  Although, fitting.
• 3:09
  But it's a deep fat fried hamburger or cheeseburger inside this like shell of yummy goodness.
• 3:17
  It is a slam dunk state fair invention staple.
• 3:24
  But this week on Privy, we're talking Vikings.
• 3:29
  Man, How to Train Your Dragon's a good movie.
• 3:31
  First one, second one's okay.
• 3:32
  First one's Defo really good.
• 3:35
  When we start talking about Vikings, what people call the Viking period of history is actually relatively like kind of short.
• 3:44
  It lasted between 800 and 1150 AD, so just 350 short years.
• 3:51
  Which, now that I come to think of it, is technically longer than we, the United States of America, have been a country, but you know, I think a lot of times people think of the
• 4:03
  Vikings as this like thing that was around for long time, but there's a short period.
• 4:08
  In this period of time, it is estimated that about 200,000 Scandinavians, Scandinavians, and so Scandinavia is where Vikings hail from.
• 4:21
  And that over 200,000 of them left this area, part of the world, to go and settle and, as we're gonna see here in a little bit, conquer other areas of the world.
• 4:36
  These other areas include Canada, uh Greenland, which is icy, and Iceland, which is green.
• 4:43
  Ireland, uh...
• 4:47
  Yeah, we're not going to there.
• 4:49
  In England and other areas of the British Isles, ah the word Viking actually comes from an old Norse word that kind of is used to describe what is going to be kind of like a pirate
• 5:05
  raid.
• 5:05
  Really, at the end of the day, I want you to think, when you think of Vikings,
• 5:11
  I want you to think less of Hiccup and his gang and more of Jack Sparrow.
• 5:18
  Not that Jack Sparrow was a Viking, but in the way that Jack Sparrow was a pirate, the Vikings were in many ways kind of pirate-like people.
• 5:28
  instead of like, it's like Jack Sparrow, but thicker and more furry maybe, covered in fur, and probably is actually a threat.
• 5:40
  Early on,
• 5:41
  in the Viking expansion, they settled Britain.
• 5:45
  There's tea there.
• 5:47
  They settled Britain where their descendants likely still probably live today.
• 5:52
  There's probably folks who can trace their lineage back to the Vikings.
• 5:57
  Probably over here in the states as well because as we all know, we defected.
• 6:05
  But the first recording, run that again.
• 6:11
  The first recorded Viking raid in Britain was in 793 AD.
• 6:17
  This raid was on a church and the church was sacked.
• 6:21
  And this was actually a pretty common thing.
• 6:22
  The Vikings had a knack for going for churches and monasteries, not really due to like any sort of religious like squabbling, like they did not believe in the same gods, but it was
• 6:39
  more because of
• 6:41
  the tithes and offerings that would be in these places, as well as the religious riches and ah artifacts and different pieces of religious culture that were prominent in the
• 6:54
  churches this time, those would be taken for profit.
• 6:57
  And they would move in, and as they did, they would begin to settle these areas.
• 7:03
  Vikings often raided in the winter when it was cold.
• 7:07
  Normally when you attack your enemy, you want to attack when it's warm so that way the travel goes easier, all those things.
• 7:14
  But Vikings would regularly raid in the winter, not only when it was cold and maybe difficult for them, but it was not the time of year where most people were like as on
• 7:24
  guard.
• 7:25
  So I don't know.
• 7:27
  It's interesting.
• 7:28
  And they likely raided this part of the world at this time because this part of the world, this British
• 7:37
  area of the world at the time was fractured and divided.
• 7:40
  It had these warring clans and it wasn't as unified.
• 7:45
  And so coming in and wreaking havoc on that situation was very easy.
• 7:53
  There's also within this Viking culture as they begin to move in, there's found to be this extreme clan loyalty amongst the Vikings.
• 8:04
  So to get a picture of why
• 8:06
  Norway is is home to these vast mountain terrains as well as these streams or fjords fjords dijourno, fjort
• 8:22
  It's a tough one.
• 8:25
  Also, out to the board game nerds uh listening.
• 8:29
  Feast of Odin.
• 8:30
  Haven't played it, but it looks like a very dope Viking game.
• 8:33
  saying.
• 8:34
  Maybe not Viking.
• 8:35
  I don't know nothing about nothing.
• 8:37
  But Norway is split up into this divided areas.
• 8:42
  And so these clans and small segments of the country would divide and unify.
• 8:49
  And at one point,
• 8:50
  early in the Viking age, it is estimated that Norway had about 30 different individual Viking kingdoms ah in Norway before they began to expand.
• 9:04
  But the question then remains, so if there are these like clan loyalties and they begin to expand, why?
• 9:13
  Why did they begin to expand?
• 9:16
  You really gotta get some H on that Y, you know what saying?
• 9:18
  You just gotta get H.
• 9:20
  all over that why.
• 9:21
  Why?
• 9:22
  And there's a few guesses and historians as historians do sit around and argue with each other about why it was.
• 9:31
  Overpopulation, this one's like probably not they say, I don't know.
• 9:37
  But it could have been overpopulation causing them to set out for other lands.
• 9:41
  We need other land.
• 9:43
  We have sheepies and other things that we need land for.
• 9:46
  There's too many of us.
• 9:48
  likely also expanding technology using uh new technology of metalworking um as well as, and this one's really bad, and I would just remind you as often happens when you talk
• 10:02
  about things of antiquity, the rights of certain groups of people were not the highest concern in many times and in many ways.
• 10:13
  And so one of the reasons that they believe they began to expand
• 10:17
  and go forth was to get a quote, new supply of women to bear children.
• 10:25
  They had some cultural and religious beliefs that anyway, led to there being fewer women alive to bear children.
• 10:35
  It's sad, it sucks, and yeah.
• 10:41
  This was like the solution to that.
• 10:45
  Just don't.
• 10:46
  harm the ones that you already have.
• 10:49
  Not my culture, not my thing.
• 10:51
  Here we go.
• 10:52
  They settled England.
• 10:53
  um They moved into England and they set up in what is now York, England around 866 AD.
• 11:04
  This charge into England and this settling of York was led and started by Eric Bloodaxe.
• 11:12
  Now I gotta tell you real quick.
• 11:14
  Eric Bloodaxe is probably the most metal and the most Dungeons and Dragons names someone could possibly find combo'd together.
• 11:25
  Often you don't think of metal rock and roll music and Dungeons and Dragons paired so well.
• 11:33
  But I'll tell you what, Eric Bloodaxe is getting the job done with that one.
• 11:37
  He is comboing this fish so nicely.
• 11:42
  While the Vikings...
• 11:43
  shaped England as they moved into the region, England also shaped many of the Vikings who settled there.
• 11:52
  Some Vikings converted to Christianity, some took on the monarchy of England.
• 11:58
  One such example is King Canute, who really did seek some semblance of peace in the region between Anglo-Saxons and Normans.
• 12:10
  uh
• 12:14
  Struggles would continue and though there were a number of attempts to place a Scandinavian king in power They were ultimately routed by the end of the thousands one
• 12:26
  thousands I don't know how to say that many Vikings remained and still lived in the area and up until this time honestly like when you think of Vikings and how they deal with some
• 12:37
  of their endeavors like It's not great it
• 12:42
  It's very violent, very conquest-y, very kill and pillage, those type things.
• 12:50
  And I'm sure that maybe it wasn't all like that.
• 12:54
  But that is the stereotype, and that is what is propagated.
• 12:59
  It honestly feels like you're watching some weird documentary, like modern day rich overlord just moving in and giving the real screws to the little guy.
• 13:07
  um Except for this time, the little guy is Europe, Canada, and parts of the US.
• 13:12
  So.
• 13:14
  They traveled much of the known world at the time and a bunch of the unknown world.
• 13:19
  ah This is still like the earth is flat.
• 13:23
  We can sail off the edge and the Vikings are like to the edge I go.
• 13:28
  They're remembered for being mercenaries.
• 13:30
  They expanded to new regions through warfare.
• 13:34
  The Vikings are known as ruthless warriors, fearless semen.
• 13:42
  Men at sea.
• 13:43
  skilled carpenters and boat builders.
• 13:46
  But, and this is where we get to the rub.
• 13:49
  More importantly to Privy and possibly more importantly to you, the great listeners of this ridiculous venture, the Vikings are known to have produced what is being called the
• 14:04
  biggest human turd from historical records.
• 14:10
  the biggest human turd from historical records.
• 14:16
  Archaeologists in the 1970s uncovered a large piece of human excrement under where now stands the Lloyds Bank in New York, England.
• 14:29
  The York Archaeological Trust found the big turd and this big turd is now on display in the Jorvik Viking Center.
• 14:39
  Now, probably got Jorvik wrong.
• 14:41
  Don't know.
• 14:43
  But...
• 14:44
  So when all those Vikings come rolling in about a thousand years ago, thousand years, yeah.
• 14:52
  Some of them set up camp and shop and settlement in this area and settlement of Zorvik.
• 15:02
  And I believe, I'm not a linguist, but I would argue like you can see that Zorvik is probably
• 15:13
  some early derivative of where we get the name York.
• 15:17
  Like you can see it.
• 15:18
  When you see them written next to each other, especially if the J is making a Y sound, Yorvik, York, it's just there.
• 15:26
  But then you have the US comes along and we've got New York.
• 15:31
  And then you have this guy who just can't not make the joke.
• 15:36
  You know the guy.
• 15:37
  He's like, well, if that's New York, where's
• 15:43
  Old York.
• 15:45
  And then they just dad laugh themselves just into oblivion.
• 15:52
  Old York is in England, grandpa.
• 15:56
  Like, it's where at some point a Viking took the fattest deuce history has to offer.
• 16:05
  The turd to give you now that I've told you it's big is eight inches in length and
• 16:13
  You might hear that and go, well, shoot, that's not even as long as my shoe.
• 16:16
  Like I have for sure produced a poop as long as my shoe.
• 16:22
  The real rub is in what I'm gonna call the girth.
• 16:26
  The girth or the width is about two inches wide in diameter.
• 16:32
  Now, if you like me are often bad in your brain of conceiving about how many inches something is,
• 16:43
  Two inches in diameter is bigger than you think.
• 16:50
  um It's pretty good size around.
• 16:53
  The official name of this log is a corprolite, which is this term for a desiccated or dehydrated leaving.
• 17:07
  Now, it's literally turd jerky.
• 17:11
  and I imagine the log would have been even bigger than its 8 inch long 2 inch girth when wet.
• 17:18
  I bet.
• 17:19
  Wet I bet.
• 17:20
  The bodacious log was studied.
• 17:22
  You know what?
• 17:23
  First thing I think when I see a turd the size of 2 to 3 pop cans stacked on top of one another is, by golly, I need to study that for science.
• 17:34
  I should really get up in there and run scientific study on it.
• 17:38
  In an analysis of the deuce,
• 17:40
  They've concluded that whoever produced this bad boy ate meat and bread.
• 17:48
  here's what I'll say.
• 17:49
  No joke.
• 17:51
  Like, so do I.
• 17:52
  Do you know what I'm saying?
• 17:54
  And the point is like, they probably didn't have access to as many vegetables.
• 18:00
  the archaeologists have talked about how there is like berries and nuts and fruits.
• 18:08
  in that area of the world and they don't think that this Viking was eating those so like what's the deal?
• 18:14
  And I think some of this is just I mean there might be more science to it but I think there's this assumption that when you stare at a big turd you're like a person who
• 18:22
  consumes animal products, defo produced that turd from their body and they probably ain't wrong you know what saying?
• 18:31
  But they found out a lot more than just what this fellow or lady person
• 18:37
  I'm not gonna limit it.
• 18:39
  But they found out a lot about what this person ate.
• 18:43
  What Timon and Pumbaa chalked up to being good protein, those worms were all up inside these Vikings.
• 18:54
  Inside this turd, they found fossilized or like preserved parasitic eggs, which scientists say means intestinal worms.
• 19:05
  And it would seem this Viking person was herby fully loaded with them.
• 19:11
  Whipworm, maw worm, eggs, as far as the eye can see up in that guy.
• 19:15
  This jumbo dump is insured, as in they have an insurance policy on this turd.
• 19:25
  And as one York archaeologist who actually like did a lot of work, I think his last name's Andrew, ah stated,
• 19:35
  It has this, this, this turd, this preserved human fecal matter, keep that in mind, is quote, nearly as irreplaceable as the crown jewels of England.
• 19:52
  Got them?
• 19:53
  The specimen, their words, not mine, is on display, as we said.
• 20:00
  And you know what?
• 20:01
  Like, it's on display in a museum.
• 20:04
  But what happened is back in 2003, some just total richer dropped this turd.
• 20:12
  It is eight inches long and two inches in girth, and the homie flat dropped it.
• 20:19
  Busted this noise into three pieces, and then they quote, reconstructed it.
• 20:25
  Here's what begins seen.
• 20:29
  Young couple sitting at home.
• 20:32
  Trying to enjoy a nice plate of spaget.
• 20:36
  What'd do at work today, babe?
• 20:39
  me?
• 20:39
  I finally closed that account.
• 20:41
  I planned all of our October events and meetings.
• 20:46
  And I made all my weekly phone calls.
• 20:49
  I got them done early.
• 20:51
  It's going good.
• 20:52
  How about you, dear?
• 20:54
  What did you do today at work?
• 20:56
  me?
• 20:57
  I glued a giant thousand year old Viking turd back together.
• 21:02
  That's what I did at work today.
• 21:07
  Both noble endeavors.
• 21:10
  The log is quite a sight to see.
• 21:12
  Hit up that social media and it'll be all over there.
• 21:16
  It's bigger than any turd I've ever seen.
• 21:20
  And I've seen some big boys in my day.
• 21:22
  And by that I mean, I've defo seen turds that are longer than this guy.
• 21:29
  And this brings us to a special segment of Hunter's Anecdotes.
• 21:37
  to keep you afloat.
• 21:50
  This hunter's anecdotes is called David Snape.
• 21:57
  The scene is Hunter is in high school.
• 22:01
  Don't remember what grade.
• 22:02
  I'm gonna say I was probably a junior, maybe a senior.
• 22:09
  And we had had success in a thing called Business Professionals of America, BPA.
• 22:15
  And it's essentially this competition where kids perform business tasks in a competitive manner and setting in order to like,
• 22:26
  learn business skills, grow in business strategies, all those things.
• 22:32
  And I am actually thankful for that competition and program.
• 22:36
  It literally made me have to learn how to use Excel, which I do use frequently nowadays.
• 22:43
  But we traveled, I don't remember where we traveled to for this state competition and we're
• 22:53
  So we're there and we get the room situation.
• 22:55
  know, whenever you travel for like a competition for school, you get the room situation.
• 23:00
  And our room, the room I was in, had like four guys and then the room next door was conjoined rooms.
• 23:10
  So we had joining rooms and there's three or four guys in the room next door.
• 23:16
  And there were pranks galore, you know.
• 23:19
  I'm pretty sure homies filled the...
• 23:22
  some balloons and other things that were not balloons with shaving cream and like tossed them in a room.
• 23:29
  Somebody definitely did an upper decker and there was all sorts of just nefarious things going on.
• 23:36
  I remember the homies in our room dudes played PlayStation until the ungodly hours of the day.
• 23:43
  Yeah.
• 23:45
  And you know, you're gonna expect a lot of nefarious things to be happening when you get a bunch of high school boys in a hotel room together, generally unsupervised by an adult
• 23:55
  while they're inside that hotel room, and then you put conjoining rooms in the mix.
• 24:00
  just, you know, it was bound to happen.
• 24:03
  But then, I remember distinctly there was this shout from the other room.
• 24:08
  From the one and only David.
• 24:11
  Hey, you!
• 24:15
  look at the thing he come look at this turd and he's shouting for people to come admire the thing that he made into the toilet and we all run in there you know we're tearing in
• 24:24
  there because when you got a bunch of high school boys and somebody says shouts out like hey come check out this big turd people come running and I remember like getting to the
• 24:34
  bathroom and like peering into the toilet bowl and there is just this like what looked like this crap snake that was wound like
• 24:43
  Two full circles worth.
• 24:45
  just did a circle motion on my fingers, which no one in the planet saw.
• 24:49
  But there's two full circles worth on itself just lying in the toilet.
• 24:54
  And also in my brain, there was little to no liquid water in the bottom of this toilet.
• 25:01
  I know someone took a picture of this.
• 25:03
  um I do not have that picture.
• 25:06
  And if by chance you listen to this and were there and have seen this sweet deuce,
• 25:12
  Shout at me.
• 25:13
  Better yet, if you have the picture, send that on my way or be real brave, post it and tag me, tag the show on it.
• 25:21
  That'd be great.
• 25:23
  This is David's legendary brown snake at the BPA competition.
• 25:28
  And nothing says business professionals of America, like a young man shouting to other young men saying, come, come and admire the long log that I have made with my butt.
• 25:42
  Nothing says business professionals quite like that.
• 25:48
  This has been another Hunter's Anecdotes.
• 25:51
  To keep you afloats.
• 25:58
  And this draws us to the end of yet another episode of Privy.
• 26:02
  Thank you so much for joining us.
• 26:04
  We're so glad you listened and it really means a lot.
• 26:07
  If you want to connect with us on social media, we are at Privycast on social media.
• 26:13
  Follow us there.
• 26:14
  We try to post some good things and entertaining things and trying to expand that.
• 26:18
  So if you want to contact us, reach out to us, say hi, give feedback, you know.
• 26:26
  privycast at gmail.com.
• 26:28
  We'd love to hear from you.
• 26:29
  Share the show with a friend.
• 26:31
  Share the show with three friends.
• 26:32
  Word of mouth is huge.
• 26:33
  Just say, I listen to this podcast.
• 26:36
  And then if they ask what it's about and you have the bravery to say, well, this guy talks about bathrooms while he sits on his home turd throne.
• 26:46
  If you can get to that point, the barrier to entry has been overcome.
• 26:51
  But yeah, share the show with a friend.
• 26:53
  Word of mouth is huge.
• 26:54
  Everybody poops, that's what you gotta remember.
• 26:57
  We would be very thankful.
• 26:59
  And leave a review, if you have a way of leaving a review, we'd love to read some more of those on the podcast.
• 27:06
  Yeah, super great to read as many reviews as we can get in.
• 27:12
  We actually have a new review.
• 27:16
  Yeah, and they actually share, so thank you, Rastafur.
• 27:22
  Thank you for leaving a review.
• 27:24
  They said, such a funny pod.
• 27:26
  Hey, thank you.
• 27:29
  Sometimes it seems strange, but here we are.
• 27:34
  He says, I think about politics or goals when I'm in the toilet.
• 27:37
  Hey, you know what?
• 27:39
  I do my best to never ever think about politics, ever.
• 27:44
  But if there was a place to ever think about politics, the bathroom is definitely one.
• 27:48
  Thank you for the review.
• 27:50
  And if you would like to leave a review for the show, we would love to read it and share it with others.
• 27:55
  Do that wherever your pod catcher allows you.
• 27:59
  As always, we'd like to thank Kevin McLeod for the use of Barroom Ballet as our intro and outro music.
• 28:06
  You can find Kevin's music at Incompetech.org and he's licensed under Creative Commons License Attribution 4.0.
• 28:15
  Thanks, Kevin.
• 28:16
  We'd also like to thank Pottington Bear for the use of all the colors in the world as the Hunter's Anecdotes intro and outro music.
• 28:24
  You can find Pottington Bear's music at pottingtonbear.com.
• 28:29
  Thanks, Pottington.
• 28:30
  This has been another episode of Privy.
• 28:32
  Thank you so much for joining us.
• 28:35
  And now, as always, don't forget to flush.
• 28:51
  This Independence Day, wrap yourself in comfort and freedom with Minky Couture.
• 28:57
  From stars, stripes, and snuggles to cozy classics, our luxury blankets are proudly made to comfort.
• 29:04
  Whether you're watching fireworks or hosting backyard barbecues, be proud to be cozy all summer long.
• 29:11
  Celebrate comfort.
• 29:12
  Celebrate freedom.
• 29:14
  Celebrate you.
• 29:15
  Shop now at minkycouture.com and make your Fourth of July unforgettably cozy.