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09 - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll · Thrilling Adventures - Daily

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  Speaker 1: Chapter nine, The Mock Turtle's Story. You can't think how
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: said the Duchess as she tucked her arm affectionately into
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  Speaker 1: Alice's and they walked off together. Alice was very glad
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought
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  Speaker 1: to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that
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  Speaker 1: had made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.
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  Speaker 1: When I'm a duchess, she said to herself, not in
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  Speaker 1: a very hopeful tone, though I won't have any pepper
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  Speaker 1: in my kitchen at all. Soup does very well without.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot tempered, she
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: went on, very much pleased at having found out a
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  Speaker 1: new kind of rule. And vinegar that makes them sour,
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  Speaker 1: and camomeal that makes them bitter, and and barley sugar
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  Speaker 1: and such things that make children sweet tempered. I only
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  Speaker 1: wish people knew that, then they wouldn't be so stingy
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  Speaker 1: about it. You know. She had quite forgotten the Duchess
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  Speaker 1: by this time, and was a little startled when she
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  Speaker 1: heard her voice close to her ear. You're thinking about something,
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  Speaker 1: my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I
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  Speaker 1: can't tell you just now what the moral of that is,
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  Speaker 1: but I shall remember it in a bit. Perhaps it
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  Speaker 1: hasn't one Alice ventured to remark. Tout tout child, said
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  Speaker 1: the Duchess. Everything's got a moral, if only you can
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  Speaker 1: find it, and she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's
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  Speaker 1: side as she spoke. Alice did not much like keeping
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  Speaker 1: so close to her, first because the Duchess was very ugly,
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  Speaker 1: and secondly because she was exactly the right height to
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  Speaker 1: rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an
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  Speaker 1: uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude,
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  Speaker 1: so she bored as well as she could. The game's
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  Speaker 1: going on rather better now, she said, by way of
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: keeping up the conversation. A little tis, so, said the Duchess.
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  Speaker 1: And the moral of that is, oh tis love. Tis
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  Speaker 1: love that makes the world go round, somebody, said, Alice
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  Speaker 1: whispered that it's done by everybody minding their own business. Ah, well,
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  Speaker 1: it means much the same thing, said the Duchess, digging
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  Speaker 1: her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added.
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  Speaker 1: And the moral of that is take care of the
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  Speaker 1: sense and the sounds will take care of themselves. How
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  Speaker 1: fond she is of finding morals in things, Alice thought
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  Speaker 1: to herself, I dare say, you're wondering why I don't
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  Speaker 1: put my arm round your waist. The Duchess said, after
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  Speaker 1: a pause, the reason is that I'm doubtful about the
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  Speaker 1: temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment he
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  Speaker 1: might bite? Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious
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  Speaker 1: to have the experiment tried. Very true, said the Duchess.
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  Speaker 1: Flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that
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  Speaker 1: is birds of a feather flock together. Only mustard isn't
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  Speaker 1: a bird, Alice remarked, Right as usual, said the Duchess.
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  Speaker 1: What a clear way you have of putting things. It's
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  Speaker 1: a mineral, I think, said Alice. Of course it is,
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  Speaker 1: said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything
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  Speaker 1: that Alice said. There's a large mustard mine near here,
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  Speaker 1: and the moral of that is the more there is
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  Speaker 1: of mine, the less there is of yours. Oh I know,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark.
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  Speaker 1: It's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it
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  Speaker 1: is I quite agree with you, said the Duchess. And
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  Speaker 1: the moral of that is be what you would seem
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  Speaker 1: to be, or if you'd like it, put more simply,
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  Speaker 1: never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it
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  Speaker 1: might appear to others. That what you were or might
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  Speaker 1: have been was not otherwise than what you had been
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: would have appeared to them to be otherwise. I think
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  Speaker 1: I should understand that better, Alice said, very politely if
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  Speaker 1: I had it written down, But I can't quite follow
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  Speaker 1: it as you say it. That's nothing to what I
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  Speaker 1: could say if I chose. The Duchess replied, in a
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  Speaker 1: pleased tone. Pray, don't trouble yourself to say it any
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  Speaker 1: longer than that, said Alice. Oh, don't talk about trouble,
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: said the Duchess. I make you a present of everything
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  Speaker 1: I've said as yet a cheap sort of present, thought Alice.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I'm glad they don't give birthday presents like that, But
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  Speaker 1: she did not venture to say it out loud. Thinking again,
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  Speaker 1: the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little chin.
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  Speaker 1: I've a right to think, said Alice, sharply, for she
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  Speaker 1: was beginning to feel a little worried, just about as
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  Speaker 1: much right, said the duchess, as pigs have to fly
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  Speaker 1: and the moral. But here, to Alice's great surprise, the
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  Speaker 1: Duchess's voice died away even in the middle of her
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  Speaker 1: favorite word, moral, and the arm that was linked into
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  Speaker 1: hers began to tremble. Alice looked up and there stood
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  Speaker 1: the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded,
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  Speaker 1: frowning like a thunder storm. A fine day, your majesty,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: the duchess began in a low, weak voice. Now I
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  Speaker 1: give you fair warning, shouted the queen, stamping on the
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  Speaker 1: ground as she spoke. Either you or your head must
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  Speaker 1: be off, and that in about half no time. Take
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  Speaker 1: your choice. The duchess took her choice and was gone
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  Speaker 1: in a moment. Let's go on with the game, the
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  Speaker 1: queen said to Alice, and Alice was too much frightened
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  Speaker 1: to say a word, but slowly followed her back to
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  Speaker 1: the roquet ground. The other guests had taken advantage of
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: the queen's absence and were resting in the shade. However,
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  Speaker 1: the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game,
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  Speaker 1: the queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost
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  Speaker 1: them their lives. All the time they were playing, the
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  Speaker 1: Queen never left off quarreling with the other players and
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  Speaker 1: shouting off with his head or off with her head.
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  Speaker 1: Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers,
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  Speaker 1: who of course had to leave off being arches to
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  Speaker 1: do this, so that by the end of half an
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  Speaker 1: hour or so, there were no arches left, and all
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  Speaker 1: the players except the King, the Queen, and Alice were
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  Speaker 1: in custody and under sentence of execution. Then the Queen
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  Speaker 1: left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice,
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  Speaker 1: have you seen the mock turtle yet? No, said Alice.
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  Speaker 1: I don't even know what a mock turtle is. It's
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  Speaker 1: the thing mock turtle soup is made from, said the Queen.
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  Speaker 1: I never saw one or heard of one, said Alice.
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  Speaker 1: Come on, then, said the Queen, and he shall tell
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  Speaker 1: you his history. As they walked off together, Alice heard
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  Speaker 1: the King say in a low voice to the company,
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  Speaker 1: generally you are all pardoned. Come that's a good thing,
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  Speaker 1: she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy
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  Speaker 1: at the number of executions the Queen had ordered. They
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  Speaker 1: very soon came upon a griffin lying fast asleep in
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  Speaker 1: the sun. If you don't know what a gryffin is,
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  Speaker 1: look at the picture. Up lazy thing, said the queen,
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  Speaker 1: and take this young lady to see the mock turtle
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  Speaker 1: and to hear his history. I must go back and
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  Speaker 1: see after some executions I have ordered, and she walked off,
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  Speaker 1: leaving Alice alone with the gryffin. Alice did not quite
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  Speaker 1: like the look of the creature, but on the whole
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  Speaker 1: she thought it would be quite as safe to stay
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  Speaker 1: with it as to go after that savage queen. So
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  Speaker 1: she waited. The griffin sat up and rubbed its eyes.
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  Speaker 1: Then it watched the queen till she was out of sight.
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  Speaker 1: Then it chuckled. What fun, said the griffin, half to
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  Speaker 1: itself after Alice. What is the fun? Said Alice? Why,
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  Speaker 1: she said the griffin. It's all her fancy that they
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  Speaker 1: never execute nobody, you know, Come on, everybody says, come
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  Speaker 1: on here, thought Alice, as she went slowly after it.
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  Speaker 1: I never was so ordered about in all my life. Never.
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  Speaker 1: They had not gone far before they saw the mock
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  Speaker 1: turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a
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  Speaker 1: little ledge of rock. And as they came nearer, Alice
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  Speaker 1: could hear him sighing as if his heart would break.
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  Speaker 1: She pitied him deeply. What is his sorrow, she asked
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  Speaker 1: the griffin, and the gryffin answered, very nearly in the
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  Speaker 1: same words as before. It's all his fancy that he
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  Speaker 1: hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on, So they
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  Speaker 1: went up to the mock turtle, who looked at them
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  Speaker 1: with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing. This here,
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  Speaker 1: young lady, said the griffin. She wants for to know
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  Speaker 1: your history. She do, I'll tell it her, said the
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  Speaker 1: mock turtle in a deep, hollow tone. Sit down, both
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  Speaker 1: of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.
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  Speaker 1: So they sat down and nobody spoke for some minutes.
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  Speaker 1: Alice thought to herself, I don't see how he can
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  Speaker 1: even finish if he doesn't begin, but she waited patiently.
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  Speaker 1: Once said the mock turtle at last, with a deep sigh,
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  Speaker 1: I was a real turtle. These words were followed by
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  Speaker 1: a very long silence, broken only by an occasional exclamation
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  Speaker 1: of hump from the griffin and the constant heavy sobbing
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  Speaker 1: of the mock turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up
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  Speaker 1: and saying, thank you, sir for your interesting story. But
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  Speaker 1: she could not help thinking there must be more to come,
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  Speaker 1: so she sat still and said nothing. When we were little,
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  Speaker 1: the mock turtle went on at last, more calmly, though
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  Speaker 1: still sobbing a little now. And then we went to
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  Speaker 1: school in the sea. The master was an old turtle.
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  Speaker 1: We used to call him tortoise. Why did you call
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  Speaker 1: him tortoise if he wasn't one, Alice asked. We called
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  Speaker 1: him tortoise because he taughtis, said the mock turtle angrily.
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  Speaker 1: Really you are very dull. You ought to be ashamed
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  Speaker 1: of yourself for asking such a simple question, added the griffin,
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  Speaker 1: And then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice,
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  Speaker 1: who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last,
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  Speaker 1: the griffin said to the mock turtle, drive on, old fellow,
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  Speaker 1: don't be all day about it. And he went on
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  Speaker 1: in these words, Yes, we went to school in the sea,
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  Speaker 1: though you mayn't believe it. I never said I didn't,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: interrupted Alice. You did, said the mock turtle. Hold your tongue,
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  Speaker 1: added the griffin. Before Alice could speak again, the mock
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  Speaker 1: turtle went on, we had the best of educations. In fact,
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  Speaker 1: we went to school every day. I've been to a
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  Speaker 1: day school too, said Alice. You needn't be so proud
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  Speaker 1: as all that with extras, asked the mock turtle, a
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  Speaker 1: little anxiously, Yes, said Alice. We learned French and music
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  Speaker 1: and washing, said the mock turtle. Certainly not, said Alice indignantly. Ah,
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  Speaker 1: then yours wasn't a really good school, said the mock
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  Speaker 1: turtle in a tone of great relief. Now at hours
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  Speaker 1: they had at the end of the bill, French, music
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  Speaker 1: and washing extra. You couldn't have wanted it much, said Alice,
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  Speaker 1: living at the bottom of the sea. I couldn't afford
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  Speaker 1: to learn it, said the mock turtle with a sigh.
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  Speaker 1: I only took the regular course. What was that, inquired Alice.
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  Speaker 1: Reeling and writhing, Of course to begin with, the mock
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  Speaker 1: turtle replied, and then the different branches of arithmetic, ambition, distraction, uglification,
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  Speaker 1: and derision. I never heard of uglification, Alice ventured to say,
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  Speaker 1: what is it? The griffin lifted up both its paws
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  Speaker 1: and surprise, what never heard of uglifying? It exclaimed? You
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  Speaker 1: know what to beautify? Is? I suppose yes, said Alice, doubtfully,
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  Speaker 1: it means to make anything prettier. Well, then the griffin
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  Speaker 1: went on, if you don't know what to uglify is,
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  Speaker 1: you are a simpleton. Alice did not feel encouraged to
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  Speaker 1: ask any more questions about it, so she turned to
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  Speaker 1: the mock turtle and said, what else had you to learn? Well?
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  Speaker 1: There was mystery, the mock turtle reply, counting off the
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  Speaker 1: subjects on his flappers. Mystery ancient and modern, with seography,
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  Speaker 1: then drawling. The drawling master was an old conger eel
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  Speaker 1: that used to come once a week. He taught us drawling,
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  Speaker 1: stretching and fainting in coils. What was that like? Said Alice. Well,
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  Speaker 1: I can't show it you myself. The mock turtle said,
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  Speaker 1: I'm too stiff. And the gryffin never learnt it had
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  Speaker 1: in time, said the Gryffin. I went to the classics master,
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  Speaker 1: though he was an old crab he was, I never
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  Speaker 1: went to him, the mock turtle said, with a sigh.
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  Speaker 1: He taught laughing in grief. They used to say, so
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  Speaker 1: he did, so he did, said the griffin, sighing in
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  Speaker 1: his turn, and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.
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  Speaker 1: And how many hours a day did you do lessons?
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  Speaker 1: Said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject. Ten
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  Speaker 1: hours the first day, said the mock turtle, nine the next,
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  Speaker 1: and so on. What a curious plan, exclaimed Alice. That's
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  Speaker 1: the reason they are called lessons, the griffin remarked, because
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  Speaker 1: they lessen from day to day. This was quite a
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  Speaker 1: new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a
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  Speaker 1: little before she made her next remark. Then the eleventh
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  Speaker 1: day must have been a holiday, of course, it was,
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  Speaker 1: said the mock turtle. And how did you manage on
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  Speaker 1: the twelfth? Alice went on eagerly. That's enough about lessons,
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  Speaker 1: the griffin interrupted, in a very decided tone. Tell her
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  Speaker 1: something about the games now. End of chapter nine.