Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Set Boundaries with a Boss Who Expects 24-7 Availability
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to talk about something that’s quietly corroding a lot of careers right now: the boss who expects you to be available around the clock. Not just late emails, but the expectation that you’ll respond — and respond fast — at 10 PM on a Tuesday or 8 AM on a Saturday. Luna: I think this is one of those things that’s gotten worse since the pandemic remote-work era. The line between home and office dissolved, and some managers just never re-drew it. Lucas: Right. And I’ve got a specific number from a Microsoft WorkLab survey published earlier this year — June 2026, so this is fresh. It found that 62 percent of employees who describe their manager as 'always on' report symptoms of burnout. That’s compared to 28 percent for people whose managers actively discourage after-hours communication. Luna: That’s a massive gap. And I’d guess the people in that 62 percent aren’t just tired — they’re likely less productive and more likely to leave. But setting boundaries with a boss like that feels terrifying. You don’t want to seem uncommitted. Lucas: Before we go deep on strategies — if this episode helps you think through your own situation, honestly, if it was worth a coffee to you, we have a link at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It’s the smallest thing, and it keeps the show ad-free and independent. Luna: Yeah, and we really mean that — a coffee's worth. We’re not asking for a subscription, just a little support if you found value here. Lucas: Exactly. So, back to the always-on boss. The first thing to understand is that this expectation often isn’t malicious. A lot of managers just model the behavior they see from their own bosses or the company culture. But that doesn’t mean you have to absorb it. Luna: So where do you start if you’re in that situation? You can’t just tell your boss 'I won’t answer emails after 6 PM' — that’s a career-limiting move in many places. Lucas: You’re right. A direct ultimatum rarely works. Instead, I like what I call the 'response time ladder.' It’s a framework where you gradually extend your response window in a way that feels natural, not like a rebellion. Here’s how it works. Luna: Okay, walk me through it. Lucas: Step one: you notice that your boss emails you at 9 PM and you reply at 9:05. Next time, wait fifteen minutes. Then thirty. Then an hour. You’re not ignoring them — you’re just replying later in the evening. Over a couple of weeks, you shift from 'immediate' to 'within a few hours.' Most bosses won’t even consciously notice the change. Luna: But what if they do notice? What if they say 'Hey, I sent you that thing last night and didn’t hear back'? Lucas: That’s the critical moment. When that happens — and it may — you have a prepared response. Something like: 'I saw it come in but I was wrapping up dinner and decided to answer in the morning when I could give it real focus.' You’re not apologizing for having a life. You’re framing it as a quality issue. Luna: I like that framing. It’s not 'I don’t want to work,' it’s 'I want to do good work.' That’s harder for a boss to argue with. Lucas: Exactly. And step two of the ladder is about proactively setting expectations. After you’ve built a track record of responding within, say, two to four hours in the evening, you can have a conversation about your general availability. You say something like: 'I’ve been trying to be more mindful about deep work, so I’m going to batch my email responses in the morning and after lunch. If something’s truly urgent, feel free to text me.' Luna: That gives them an off-ramp — they still have a way to reach you for emergencies. But you’ve redefined what 'urgent' means. Lucas: Yes. And most of the time, what they thought was urgent really isn’t. I had a case study I worked with — a marketing manager at a mid-size SaaS company. Her boss would Slack her at all hours, and she felt compelled to respond instantly. She used this ladder over about three weeks. Luna: What happened? Lucas: After two weeks, the boss actually asked if everything was okay because she seemed 'less responsive.' She used the quality framing — 'I’m trying to give your requests the attention they deserve rather than firing off a quick answer.' The boss actually appreciated it. Within a month, the late-night Slacks dropped by about 70 percent. Luna: That’s a great outcome. But I want to push back a little — this assumes a certain kind of boss. What if your boss is the type who genuinely believes that 24-7 availability is part of the job? Like, it’s baked into the culture — finance, law, startups? Lucas: You’re absolutely right to raise that. In some industries — investment banking, certain law firms, early-stage startups — the culture is explicit about availability. In those contexts, the ladder might not work as well, or you’d need to move slower. But I’d argue that even in those environments, you can still negotiate for 'protected time' — for example, no emails between 10 PM and 7 AM, but you’re on call for true emergencies. Luna: So it’s about specifying what counts as an emergency. I’ve also heard of people using 'away messages' on Slack or email that say something like 'I’m offline until tomorrow at 9 AM. If this is urgent, please call my cell.' That at least makes the request explicit. Lucas: That’s a great tactic. And it works because it’s transparent — you’re not hiding. You’re saying 'I’m not available right now, but here’s how to reach me if it’s critical.' The boss has to decide: is this worth a phone call? Usually, it’s not. Luna: One thing I wonder about is the emotional toll. Even if you set boundaries, if your boss is sending emails at 11 PM, you see them. You feel the pressure. There’s a psychological cost. Lucas: That’s why I recommend turning off notifications entirely after a certain hour. Not just silencing them — turning them off. The research on 'anticipatory stress' is pretty clear: just seeing a notification triggers a cortisol response, even if you don’t reply. You’re still thinking about it. Luna: So you’re saying don’t even look? That takes discipline. Lucas: It does. But you can build it gradually. Start with one hour before bed. Then two. Over time, your nervous system recalibrates. And if your boss challenges you, you can say 'I’ve found I work better when I’m fully rested, so I’ve been logging off at 9 PM to recharge.' Again, framing it as performance, not defiance. Luna: I want to bring up another angle: what about when the boss’s expectation is reinforced by company policy? Like, some companies have a culture of 'reply within 30 minutes' or use tools that track responsiveness. Lucas: That’s tougher. If the company literally measures response time, you need to address it at a higher level. But even then, you can have a conversation with your boss about what 'response' means. Does it mean you acknowledged the message? Or does it mean you completed the task? Clarifying that can give you breathing room. Luna: So you’re negotiating the definition of responsive. Lucas: Exactly. And if your boss is reasonable, they’ll agree that a simple 'Got it, I’ll take a look tomorrow' counts as a response. That’s a huge win — you’ve bought yourself hours. Luna: Okay, let’s say you’ve tried the ladder, you’ve had the conversation, and nothing changes. Your boss still emails at 11 PM and expects answers by midnight. What then? Lucas: At that point, you have to decide whether the cost is worth it. If the job otherwise pays well and you enjoy the work, you might choose to tolerate it — but consciously, not passively. You can set your own internal boundary: 'I’ll reply within two hours, but I won’t feel guilty about taking a walk first.' But if it’s causing real burnout, it may be time to look for a new role. The Microsoft survey also found that people who left always-on managers reported a 40 percent drop in stress levels within three months. Luna: That’s a striking number. So sometimes the best boundary is leaving. Lucas: Yeah. And I want to be careful not to make it sound easy — leaving a job is hard. But knowing that 40 percent drop is out there can help you make the decision. In the meantime, try the ladder. Most bosses aren’t trying to be toxic; they’re just not thinking about the impact. Your job is to gently make them aware. Luna: I think that’s a good note to end on. Thanks, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. And for anyone listening — if this episode gave you one small idea to try, that’s enough. Good luck.