Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 296. Day 2: Quiet House After Divorce | Nervous System Relief When the Silence Feels Too Loud

Transcript

296. Day 2: Quiet House After Divorce | Nervous System Relief When the Silence Feels Too Loud · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, love.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave, and build back your confidence.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Don Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer, and divorcee.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to day two of the 12 days of divorce Christmas, aka the 12 days of becoming her again.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Today we are talking about what to do when the house feels too quiet.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Producer Joy and I have some pretty big loud ideas.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Very exciting.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: So Joyous, when everything feels too quiet, our instinct is to run away.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like escape, like dissociate, get busy, feel the noise, feel the and not sit with anything.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: So when the choice is between like sit with or run away, we are advocating for a third option, a way more fun, probably way more effective than the third option.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's something important to really address here and bake into these 12 days is we heal faster when we're playing.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: We heal faster when we're having fun.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: And most of us are not good at having fun solo anymore.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: We don't know how to entertain ourselves without our phones or without our wallets or without putting food in our mouths, right?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: We don't know how to entertain ourselves outside of the realm of addiction.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: So this episode is really about like healing, yes, but also like learning to play with and get a little wild, a little rewilded as women, women who run with wolves, right?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: So tell us, Joy, what to do when the house feels too quiet.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm nothing in this world if not loud.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: So that's my favorite thing.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So this is my favorite thing.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: It is a it's kind of a running joke with my friend circle that they will hear me before they see me.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: So like they'll if I'm in a grocery store, they know I'm in the grocery store before actually seeing me.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Something I used to feel a lot of right?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: I feel that it used to be something that I felt a lot of shame over and a lot of a lot of embarrassment over because like but now I embrace it like yes, God gave me pipes for a reasonable unnatural ability, ability to be loud.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: So so that's what we're gonna do is we're gonna in the silence, and the house is too quiet, and you can hear the air conditioner type, you know, that when you when you're in your home and it's so quiet, and you hear the air conditioner turn on, and you can hear the dust blowing, the little the little fan blowing the little piece of paper that's rattled in the air vent or whatever, like those moments where it is so um heavy and deafening, and like so we are going to embrace it, and we're going to be loud, and we are gonna take up space in our home where no one else is witnessed, just us, and we are going to play music.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Loud, yeah, let's go.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like as loud as you can bear it, right?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like to the point of the neighbors are gonna question what is happening.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Be loud.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: I want to if the cops come to do a wellness check.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if they do, if they do, definitely DM us and tell us your story and what's on your plane and what you're doing.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like Sergeant So-and-so.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the other thing we're gonna do is we're gonna scream, we're gonna viscerally growl it from the bowels of that that you exist and that you are worthy and that you are allowed to be in this moment.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Big and raw.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're worried that the neighbors can hear you or you're in an apartment, scream into a pillow, right?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Growl into a pillow.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Good point, good point.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Or like in the shower, maybe that's maybe a little deafening.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: In the shower, right?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: The sound, the shadow curtain.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: One of my most pivotal moments in my healing journey is walking into the woods, and I knew nothing was around me for miles and miles and miles, and I screamed so loud, and there was such a somatic release, and I didn't say anything, I didn't do anything, but I screamed so loud, and I will never forget those that moment of release that I got and empowerment that I got, being able to just let it out.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: So, neurobiologically joyous, it is beyond release, it is a reconnection.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, as children who were silenced often, as wives who were silenced often, as women in a society that treats us like men and not women, who are right, our feminine needs are silenced often.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: When we tap into that visceral, loud, like you said, from the bowels, wild release and scream, we are reconnecting literal vital parts of us that have been so suppressed and repressed.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: It is so yes, it's releasing, it's unburdening, but more than that, it's building the infrastructure for the woman we are becoming, the women that we always were ancestrally, right?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: And the women that we have been quieted into, right?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: We're building this infrastructure, and and you can't fake it, right?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: You can't build in the wild infrastructure unless you do the wilding.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: So yes, gaming chills.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: House too quiet, get loud.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: And it is so profound.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you do this during these 12 days, I promise you, you will have a microtransformation in these 12 days in a season where all the other divorced women are suffering and struggling and focused on the wrong things.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, do the things, loves, and it will change your life.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: DM us, DM us your results.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: DM us your results.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: We want a picture with the police.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And explain to him, like, no, no, I listen to this podcast and I'm doing what I'm told.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Doing doing the thing, doing the thing.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: We love you so much.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: Peace.com.