Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / “You Don't Raise a Boy Like That If You're a Bad Father” | James Walker | Love You Moore Show

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“You Don't Raise a Boy Like That If You're a Bad Father” | James Walker | Love You Moore Show · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

0:00
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0:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Gladout!
0:19
[SPEAKER_02]: next on the love of your worship man who's highly successful on the outside but never knowing what a man is going through on the inside all these outlets like they're killing it but at home it's like this you get up you find somebody you hire somebody and you get yourself out of this and I had to listen
0:35
[SPEAKER_04]: When you're a man and your goal is just to live.
0:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, to not lose your mind.
0:39
[SPEAKER_04]: For me, not to drink in the morning in the noon day and at night.
0:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I hope my mistakes, my highs and my lows, hope brothers out there, get in touch with your emotions and be able to share what you're really going through.
0:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, if you don't share what you're going through, it's going to take you through.
0:54
[SPEAKER_04]: Hey, Willie Mow Jr here.
0:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Listen, I'm going to show Major Love to the 300,000 plus people right now who are subscribed to the channel.
1:03
[SPEAKER_04]: Now, depending on when you watch this, right?
1:05
[SPEAKER_04]: We may be over a million.
1:06
[SPEAKER_04]: Don't play with us, huh?
1:08
[SPEAKER_04]: But welcome to the Love You More Show.
1:09
[SPEAKER_04]: This is a place where we cover stories that people who go through uncooplin and their journey to loving themselves again.
1:17
[SPEAKER_04]: You know me I've been married.
1:19
[SPEAKER_04]: I was married for 15 years and and then I wasn't and that was a very tough journey So for me when I got the opportunity to finally sit down with people and hear their stories I was like why didn't anybody tell me that you would have to go through this well It's because a lot of people live in a place of shame, but we taking that jacket off today And hopes that you can love yourself just a little bit more
1:39
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, today's conversation is one I've been wanting to have because we hear a lot about women deciding it's time to lead a marriage.
1:47
[SPEAKER_04]: But we don't hear nearly as much of when the men say, hey, man, enough enough, okay?
1:51
[SPEAKER_04]: And today there is a man that many of you all know is one of the most powerful attorneys of our time.
1:58
[SPEAKER_04]: He has his hand in a little bit of everything.
1:59
[SPEAKER_04]: If there's a problem, he wants to serve and make sure that you get the best opportunity to win.
2:06
[SPEAKER_04]: It's my brother from another mother.
2:07
[SPEAKER_04]: I've known them for over a decade now.
2:09
[SPEAKER_04]: The one and only James Walker.
2:10
[SPEAKER_04]: What's going on, champion?
2:11
[SPEAKER_04]: Hey, man.
2:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for having me, man.
2:13
[SPEAKER_04]: Man, this is my honor, bro.
2:15
[SPEAKER_04]: It is an honor.
2:16
[SPEAKER_04]: So James, highly successful doing some amazing things, multi-million dollar acquisitions.
2:22
[SPEAKER_02]: You just did something on Broadway.
2:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Tell me a little bit about Broadway.
2:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we just did, uh, we're on show number 22.
2:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
2:28
[SPEAKER_02]: The most recent one was Joe Turner's coming on with Taraji.
2:32
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the entertainer.
2:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and we got nominated for Tony Awards.
2:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm now a Tony nominated producer and just life doing what we do.
2:39
[SPEAKER_04]: Indeed.
2:40
[SPEAKER_04]: So a lot of people get an opportunity to see the glory, but they don't often know the story.
2:44
[SPEAKER_04]: In fact, I was just as dumbfounded as everybody else going to be today.
2:48
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm on the phone with you because I had some legal stuff to go through or whatever, and I'm just getting a little bit of advice.
2:55
[SPEAKER_04]: And then you start to share your uncopleased story.
2:57
[SPEAKER_04]: And I was like, Jane, I didn't know you went through all of that.
3:00
[SPEAKER_04]: And I said, you know what, maybe this might be an opportunity for people to see a man who's highly successful on the outside, but never know what a man is going through on the inside, because you have children, you have four children, you have a notable reputation globally.
3:19
[SPEAKER_04]: And then at home, life isn't exactly what it looks like on the beautiful picture.
3:25
[SPEAKER_04]: Tell me a little bit about the picture on the mantle that everybody saw for all those years which you'd be in, Mary, if we pull back the curtain, what was life life for James as a Mary, man?
3:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm glad you asked that, Willie.
3:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I prayed about it and always tried to wait for the right time to tell my testimony.
3:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So I thank you for giving me this chance that I hope inspires other brothers.
3:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, indeed.
3:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I was in college, then girlfriend, or even really friend, I only know what's
3:55
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, you grew up in Pentecostal church, you grew up in Bridgewood, Connecticut, around violence, a bishop, you know, you kind of think, well, we gotta do this the right way.
4:03
[SPEAKER_02]: So you rush to get married, but you're not ever really, really, truly in love or truly, truly prepared.
4:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Get pregnant, have kids, and you're still grappling.
4:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And we did that, like 1995, got married, tried to stay there, you know, it would be different in my parents and be different in this person.
4:20
[SPEAKER_02]: That person, I'm a stay there.
4:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was just not a happy place, and it got to the point where I felt that was potential for me to endure some violence, you know, when the situation got a little out of hand, and I saw my kids live in with that.
4:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, get you.
4:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Mind you, we had.
4:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Million dollar homes is $10 million in real estate.
4:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Scattered throughout Connecticut.
4:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Artford, 33 apartments in Hartford, office building in Meridan, another office building in Stanford, most have been in the home in Monroe, another million and a half-home in Stanford, Pondo, I brought from a grandparents.
4:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So we 30-ish, 32-35-ish, and we killing it.
5:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Featured and Ebony, featured in essence, featured in all these outlets, like they're killing it,
5:07
[SPEAKER_02]: it's like this.
5:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So we then say, okay, let's transport to Atlanta, try to start new and it just started getting to be very, very toxic to the point where people are calling the cops, false, you know, false accusations, false misrepresentations, your kids are seeing that, no violence, no body violent, nothing like that.
5:27
[SPEAKER_02]: But it just got to the point where I had to start looking at restraining orders, trying to protect me and deal with all that.
5:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And
5:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I just had to make a decision.
5:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So in 2014, I filed, and it took us about three years.
5:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And through the assets, the fighting on the other side, the other lawyers, and I tried to do it this sit down way, like, hey, let's work it out, head intermediaries, like, I don't want to be in court for three years.
5:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And my message to the brothers is like, when you get those accusations, don't panic.
5:57
[SPEAKER_02]: If I have freaked out, lost my clue, I never forget my mom and said, did you put your hands on her?
6:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And I said, no, mom, and you know that, and then my mom went and asked her, any picture has on you, because he did, I'll be just hell.
6:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And the ex was like, no, I know he don't do that.
6:12
[SPEAKER_02]: He calm, he not a screamer, he not a yeller.
6:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't even think he ever cheated on me.
6:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Like he just wanted, he just didn't want to be married no more.
6:18
[SPEAKER_02]: And I flash back to sometimes when you feel the pressure of pregnancy, you rushing get married, so you're trying to put a face on it.
6:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And a lot of men do that.
6:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And my message is like, don't do that.
6:28
[SPEAKER_02]: deal with it.
6:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Another way.
6:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't rush and get married and put yourself in a miserable situation.
6:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And you fast forward that misery tends to turn into fighting an argument.
6:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And then when you try to leave, someone says, OK, I'm going to call the cops.
6:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to call children services.
6:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to call this prayer.
6:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to do all kinds of ways to set you up.
6:46
[SPEAKER_02]: And I had to just take the eye role.
6:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Never lost my cool cops at the front door sometimes.
6:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Can't see it at all.
6:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Never forget my oldest son was like, Oh, that ain't do that.
6:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Like he's on the porch trying to tell police and I know so many men who've gone to those false kind of claims, but they've lost it.
7:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And when they've lost it, they lost everything.
7:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And I remember my mother telling my ex, I wanted to engage in probably happen about nine times, nine times.
7:12
[SPEAKER_02]: before I came to Atlanta and it happened that timp type.
7:16
[SPEAKER_02]: And I had an agreement with myself with my mom, we got that if it happened in Atlanta, I was done.
7:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And all my boys from Bridge for it, when it happened the first time, because I was like, dude, you want me to send somebody over there, you know, I was like, no, no, no, no, they'd be mama.
7:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Can't do it that way.
7:31
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, I got those kinds of cousins.
7:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
7:33
[SPEAKER_02]: That are very protective of me, male and female.
7:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
7:36
[SPEAKER_02]: But it happened here.
7:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And I never forget the cop came to the door.
7:41
[SPEAKER_02]: taking the kids out to the gym and cops call he taking the kids I want to take the kids I want the kids to go with me by the law and the cop came to rookies and JW3 talked to the cops and said this has been going on for years this man named that man and you know he told the cops the truth and then I got validated and the cop was like
8:06
[SPEAKER_02]: You need to find the voice.
8:07
[SPEAKER_02]: The cops said, cops, sergeant.
8:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it was Missouri.
8:11
[SPEAKER_02]: It was an Italian name.
8:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, a cop police.
8:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, in cop, you know what I'm saying?
8:15
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:16
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:16
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:17
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:18
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:18
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:20
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:20
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:21
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:22
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:23
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:23
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:24
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:26
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:27
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:29
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to do this.
8:30
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going
8:32
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, when you raise a boy like that, I already know what kind of that you are.
8:36
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, I'm telling you what you do.
8:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Tomorrow you get up, you find somebody, you hire somebody, and you get your stuff out of this.
8:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And I had to listen, you know, I got up that morning.
8:47
[SPEAKER_02]: It was like a Saturday.
8:49
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a TMG, time you met your grandma call her.
8:52
[SPEAKER_02]: TMG.
8:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, people.
8:53
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's my lawyer, my lawyer, my lawyer.
8:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Or was it?
8:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
8:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, I know what you pay the money, but pay one day.
9:00
[SPEAKER_02]: She has the file by Tuesday straight in order, you know, separating a person from me by Wednesday Children's Services.
9:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Got into it and correct the person because I wasn't even being able to see my kids.
9:12
[SPEAKER_02]: So they got into it by the next Friday.
9:16
[SPEAKER_02]: judge order, strain, and he gets these kids children's services, representing people the whole night.
9:22
[SPEAKER_02]: But the key testimony is that I never kind of like to the level of anger where you want to retaliate, because you know, the buttons I push on the litigation side.
9:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Of course.
9:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And I didn't want to do that.
9:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I just left and Tanya pulled in and we got everything.
9:39
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, separated immediately and then went through that three year journey.
9:43
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
9:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Not seeing kids sometime, not getting your visitation, going back and forth to court, but I stay right here, and I never forget some of my dad always said to me, he said, always remember, instead of mother, you kids.
9:56
[SPEAKER_02]: This is always remembered.
9:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I like people with him and my mom had their thing 40 plus years ago.
10:00
[SPEAKER_02]: He always just said, that's still your mama.
10:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's kind of what I did with my four.
10:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Three I raised, one is my bone and story.
10:07
[SPEAKER_02]: So I tried to tell the four of them, like, we not go.
10:11
[SPEAKER_02]: go that way.
10:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And my never forget my mother sat down at the time and asked the question I said like did he hit you, do you do this?
10:18
[SPEAKER_02]: And when the answer was not, I hated that, I just, I just kind of, you know, was upset with the decision.
10:24
[SPEAKER_02]: So I decided to call police on the brother, you know, the usual routine.
10:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
10:29
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a strategy where I get mad at you.
10:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Some call cops, children, services, the job, the barber tried to do everything to undermine you.
10:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And the plan, and I hate the lawyers who do this, is for you to explode.
10:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Because if you explode, you lose everything.
10:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Everything does not ain't got you with, see?
10:47
[SPEAKER_02]: See, I guess.
10:48
[SPEAKER_02]: He yelling, he screaming.
10:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Top's coming, who is he?
10:51
[SPEAKER_02]: You over there, screaming, yelling.
10:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, sorry, you're going to come with us.
10:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't do that on that day of 2014.
10:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I calmly walk with the top down the street, all my neighbors out, just be in the house.
11:02
[SPEAKER_02]: First, he just named, yeah, everybody's looking like, it's going to what's going on.
11:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And top just said, man, you're good to get out of this.
11:11
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, because one time I'm going to come back and you're going to explode and so I'm going to get, kill shot, you know, there's going to be violence.
11:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
11:17
[SPEAKER_02]: So I listen to the cop.
11:19
[SPEAKER_02]: got out of that and then just started gradually picking the pieces on.
11:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, gradually, little by little bought a building.
11:25
[SPEAKER_02]: That staff gradually started putting on the pieces back together.
11:30
[SPEAKER_04]: What did they do to your heart, knowing that you weren't guilty of the things that her emotion kinda made the allegations to war?
11:40
[SPEAKER_04]: I would have to do to your heart, because this is a person, then, I mean, I know she may have called eight, nine, 10, 15 times.
11:45
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, man, when you say I do, whether it's right or wrong or indifferent, and, you know, I can kind of tear your heart like man, I'm gonna try my best in making my sense for the kids or whatever.
11:54
[SPEAKER_04]: I would have that due to you internally.
11:57
[SPEAKER_04]: And then even now, being the first time as you've ever talked about this, you know, it's still emotional.
12:02
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's actually been 12 years, right?
12:04
[SPEAKER_04]: It's been like 12 years.
12:05
[SPEAKER_04]: 12 years.
12:06
[SPEAKER_04]: So never speaking about it.
12:07
[SPEAKER_04]: Never getting that part out.
12:09
[SPEAKER_04]: And just building on top of that.
12:10
[SPEAKER_04]: What do you think that?
12:11
[SPEAKER_04]: What do you think that did to you as a man?
12:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, it I was the hurt you because you just believe like I gave you this good life.
12:18
[SPEAKER_02]: We got four rockstar kids.
12:20
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like at a bare minimum.
12:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Unless he cheated on you, hit you.
12:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Call you out your name.
12:26
[SPEAKER_02]: You just can't make sense of it.
12:27
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
12:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Where I'm just can't figure out like how does it get here.
12:31
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, it takes years to just say, you know what, I'm going to celebrate the kids.
12:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Where that's going to be the joy, because if I look closely at what was attempted to be done, and where I could have been, but for the grace of God,
12:46
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, he might want to handle it differently.
12:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, of course.
12:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So it does a lot to your heart.
12:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It may make you just disappointed in people.
12:53
[SPEAKER_02]: I started saying, man, we'll let you down.
12:56
[SPEAKER_02]: But God won't kind of became, you know, a mantra that you have to learn and accept that people do some crazy stuff and it doesn't add up when you look at it.
13:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And people can see by how your life is just like the last 10 or 12 years, bro.
13:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, yes, like we've got 600 people working in different plays, museum, food pantry, law firm, real estate in multiple states and just in just cases coming and coming and coming from everywhere.
13:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm not even advertising.
13:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't even have a business card.
13:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know, we mean millions of billions of dollars, you know, we're trying to get with the IRS and you know,
13:32
[SPEAKER_02]: So, well, but now God is just really, he's, if you're faithful to me and you remember vengeance is mine, says the Lord, and he can be faithful to you.
13:45
[SPEAKER_02]: But if you get into that vengeance thing and I grew up in Bridgeport, that's kind of all we know.
13:50
[SPEAKER_02]: His vengeance, they hit you hit back, yeah, I don't care if you went to school or you was on the street corner, even going to school, you had to learn how to use your hands and fight to defend yourself.
13:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, so that's kind of building you if you from my neighborhood in the projects we moved out of projects right across the street on Burrro We can still see the projects that we got in burglarized when I was about eight years old mom said, okay, we got to go so we moved into a small flat
14:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Then we moved to the East End of Bridgeport.
14:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Shooters on the half, almost every other weekend.
14:17
[SPEAKER_02]: We saw that, but we just kept her head down with school.
14:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Got out of city at 17 with the Howard.
14:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I got arrested when I was like 15 for by stolen mopeds.
14:28
[SPEAKER_02]: It's fine, right?
14:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Down stuff in my mom said, you're going to stay.
14:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Like fresh fruits, you're going to stay with your uncle.
14:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, very nice.
14:33
[SPEAKER_02]: You said me, Uncle Bill.
14:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And soon the jersey and he always say he saved my life rest in peace because he got me out of bridge port When you were that curious teenager just doing dumb stuff even though you had a brain And knew he was gonna go to college.
14:46
[SPEAKER_02]: You were just still Kind of in the wrong circles.
14:49
[SPEAKER_04]: Who was the man example?
14:51
[SPEAKER_04]: Where was dad throughout your life more love you more podcast after this
14:57
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16:09
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16:19
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16:21
[SPEAKER_04]: Now back to the Love You More Show, Flat out.
16:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Who was the man example?
16:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Where was dead throughout your life?
16:27
[SPEAKER_02]: That is an off of Virginia, and he and my mom separated when I was one.
16:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Sort of majority of my life, my uncles were kind of the male figures.
16:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Dad, I spent a few summers with him, probably four or five summers, but for the most part, once I turned 14, 15, mom really injected her seven brothers.
16:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And they took me in the carpentry, destruction work.
16:46
[SPEAKER_02]: My grandfather was a minister.
16:47
[SPEAKER_02]: So I worked for him as a 12-year-old care and his toolbox, listening to him.
16:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So I always say, my grandfather and my uncles were kind of the continual people in my life.
16:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I learned what hard work from dad when it was there for the summers.
17:00
[SPEAKER_02]: But I never felt we were like super close.
17:03
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, my dad was old school, you know, just wasn't really in touch with his emotions or really knew how to just take you and say, you're going to be okay.
17:12
[SPEAKER_02]: and my uncles were those dudes.
17:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Uncle Joe, June, Nate, Ben, Tim, George, and also each one taught me something from girlies to basketball to chess, to church, to business, to my coach and the fighter.
17:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, he always carry a knife like Jay, I'll cut that knee.
17:30
[SPEAKER_02]: So I always stay with me like, Uncle George might be tiny, but he can't come in with it.
17:35
[SPEAKER_02]: The little guy will hurt.
17:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
17:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So learn a lot from the uncles and five months.
17:40
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
17:42
[SPEAKER_04]: So, just kind of looking at your success, and when I say success, I'm not talking about this success externally, but this success internally, because I'm just looking at, like if we just decide to write your life on paper, I say this joke when I'm out with George Wellen.
17:56
[SPEAKER_04]: I realize that on paper, it's a lot of outliers, okay, because I'm adorable.
18:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Let's get that out of the way.
18:01
[SPEAKER_04]: But just on paper, if you write down my life,
18:05
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't think I partially was supposed to be here on paper.
18:09
[SPEAKER_04]: So when I look at your life, it's like growing up in one of the toughest places in Connecticut, growing up primarily with a mother, dad in the summertime, 14, no longer see my dad anymore for real, and I have to grow up with these different faces of me.
18:25
[SPEAKER_04]: Do you think James Walker often is the type of guy that just always looks at the good?
18:31
[SPEAKER_04]: Do you think that's just something that
18:33
[SPEAKER_04]: You just have something in you that it can be as bad as it is.
18:37
[SPEAKER_04]: It is, but I just always kind of lean to the good and kind of overlook all of the the seeds that may not be as good.
18:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, when the kind of the Howard, I realize a lot of my friends had on the jail or been shot, got caught up in drug dealing.
18:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So my cousins too, you know, lost cousin to violence, lost some to the prison system, some still in you know, and I realized but for the grace of God, they're going
19:03
[SPEAKER_02]: If Monko Bill doesn't help me in that more-pair situation, I get in the system and Mom had always taught us, stay out of the system.
19:11
[SPEAKER_02]: And I never really knew what that meant.
19:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like a young boy.
19:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Your mom said, y'all don't get in the system.
19:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And what she was trying to tell me was the criminal justice system.
19:18
[SPEAKER_02]: And what's they get you in there?
19:19
[SPEAKER_02]: You in there.
19:20
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a system.
19:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And they got, they built in beds in Connecticut, prison beds.
19:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And Reverend Jesse Jackson, who's always say,
19:28
[SPEAKER_02]: It costs more what to go to jail to go to Yale.
19:31
[SPEAKER_02]: He's always saying like, why is Connecticut sending so many black men to jail when they could take that 20, 30 grand or whatever, and send them to Yale at the time, who is more now.
19:40
[SPEAKER_02]: But now I look back and I try to help all my cousins.
19:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I try to help people by houses.
19:45
[SPEAKER_02]: We probably brought 20 properties over the years in several for different family members relatives, whatever, or helped them because I know, but for the grace of God, I'm not over here making and doing what I'm doing.
19:58
[SPEAKER_04]: So, when you go through this, there's very unique divorce, a three-year process, and you hire a tiny, I hire a tiny, as well.
20:07
[SPEAKER_04]: That's like my sister, I love the life I call this, that's my auntie who got me out of trouble.
20:11
[SPEAKER_04]: Um, you spent you some money, praise God, quite a bit of money.
20:14
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, quite a bit of money, but I still love her.
20:16
[SPEAKER_04]: because you pay now or pay forever.
20:18
[SPEAKER_04]: But I always say, shout out to my dear brother, Ross servin.
20:21
[SPEAKER_04]: He told me that he's like, man, get the best person pay whatever they need to pay, because this is a lifelong decision that you're going to have to make.
20:27
[SPEAKER_04]: You have to live with that decision.
20:28
[SPEAKER_04]: Or go back to court 40, 50 different times.
20:30
[SPEAKER_04]: And you're going to end up paying the same amount anyway.
20:33
[SPEAKER_04]: So just go ahead and hire the best and do whatever you have to do.
20:35
[SPEAKER_04]: My question now with these four children, three boys, one girl, two boys, two girls, two boys, two girls, excuse me, two boys, two girls,
20:43
[SPEAKER_04]: How did that uncoupling affect them and how did you keep a good reputation with them?
20:47
[SPEAKER_04]: Was it a tough time?
20:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Very, very.
20:51
[SPEAKER_02]: No, in the beginning, my younger daughter was really distant, like, you know, I got to be mom's advocate.
20:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Because, you know, mom is hurting, that is going on trying to live as best life by a building, is doing Broadway, doing TV.
21:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So my youngest daughter who's also an attorney, I could tell that she took it very hard and it took us years and we still trying to get back to where we were.
21:13
[SPEAKER_02]: She was that his girl, up until that point, like right up on to me.
21:16
[SPEAKER_02]: In the club, going everywhere, with me doing everything, now practicing law, you know, I always thought that's the one that's going to run everything.
21:22
[SPEAKER_02]: But it was hard.
21:22
[SPEAKER_02]: It almost felt for a period there.
21:24
[SPEAKER_02]: It was like the boys with dad, the girls with mom.
21:28
[SPEAKER_02]: and what was amazing is my bonus daughter never skipped to be.
21:31
[SPEAKER_02]: She never skipped to be.
21:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And I always tell folks, if you're such a bad man, that step child, bonus child, whatever they call, they the first one that gonna go public and say, that nigga ain't this big.
21:42
[SPEAKER_02]: We've nothing could be on, you know, really go hard, but she's...
21:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Send gifts and cards, checks on me.
21:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yesterday, she was on my Instagram congratulating me for I think the class I'm teaching came on the thing.
21:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Look at that, you know, proud of you.
21:56
[SPEAKER_02]: She'll hit me with her boyfriend on the text.
21:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, hey, Dad, meet Sozo, that I like, she really, she doesn't notice, but she kept me going.
22:04
[SPEAKER_04]: What did I do for your heart?
22:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, it did everything.
22:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it was confirmation and affirmation.
22:11
[SPEAKER_02]: meaning that you have a female daughter who's not biologically, you know, but it's saying like nah, you, you're cool with it.
22:18
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you might be having a little bit with you and mama, but you raised me like I was your own and did everything you could do to help.
22:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So,
22:28
[SPEAKER_04]: Some of those words that that woman see it affected.
22:31
[SPEAKER_04]: It's safe to say.
22:33
[SPEAKER_04]: So women have no idea how those words that you talk about, that they talk about when they're emotional, what that does.
22:42
[SPEAKER_04]: Because what I heard is,
22:43
[SPEAKER_04]: Man, if anybody would have said it to be her, which means like I know I didn't do it, but because somebody please step up to the plate to validate that I've done my best, right?
22:53
[SPEAKER_04]: So what do you say to men right now who are now on that other side and they know that they have not done what the allegations publicly have been said?
23:02
[SPEAKER_04]: And it doesn't have to be a big...
23:05
[SPEAKER_04]: platform for allegation.
23:06
[SPEAKER_04]: That could just be the internal family circle, the friend circle.
23:09
[SPEAKER_04]: This is like, no, I didn't really do that.
23:11
[SPEAKER_04]: And then you start to being kind of like that.
23:13
[SPEAKER_04]: And I really this bad of a person where everybody leaves me, everybody like, you like, oh my god, is everybody against me?
23:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, let me let me chime in.
23:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I understand your question.
23:22
[SPEAKER_02]: What I say to those men is a couple of things.
23:24
[SPEAKER_02]: First, you got to hold on.
23:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And then secondly, you got to really know you.
23:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And you got to know
23:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Because the standard they're going to try to put on, you was like, well, you know, when I was five years old, he spanked me on my knee or when I was 10 years old, he didn't pay the light bill.
23:42
[SPEAKER_02]: But when I was 15, he didn't buy me a car.
23:44
[SPEAKER_02]: They're going to try to throw out anything bogus to make you doubt how good you were as a father, husband, or just an elder in the house.
23:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So the first thing you got to do is don't drink that cool lady and make sure you understand, I know I provided.
23:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I went to work every day.
23:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I was faithful.
24:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I gave you the money.
24:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I did this.
24:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I did that gave you my kids work with million dollar homes.
24:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's not about the material.
24:06
[SPEAKER_02]: It's year in these nice homes, private schools, activities, at church, you know, y'all had a blessed life.
24:12
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, maybe the parents were clashing, but none of my kids now could say, you know, we live such a, you know, tough life.
24:20
[SPEAKER_02]: You have my older boy.
24:21
[SPEAKER_02]: He always says, even that is what in graduation two months ago, he told
24:25
[SPEAKER_02]: They gave us a path, they gave us a path.
24:28
[SPEAKER_02]: It's on us to execute.
24:29
[SPEAKER_02]: It's on us to take risk.
24:31
[SPEAKER_02]: But that has set us up where, you know, he and his brother got multiple houses.
24:35
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I know.
24:35
[SPEAKER_04]: So I gotta tell you to speak to yourself.
24:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Give and just a very sinner young man and just a man who really honors his dead.
24:44
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm grateful that the fruit, like I'm not no judge.
24:47
[SPEAKER_04]: Like people in fact, you've got going on.
24:50
[SPEAKER_04]: I'll be like, hey man, I can judge that.
24:52
[SPEAKER_04]: But I will be a fruit inspector.
24:56
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm always like, hey, just, if you want to please, just, whatever's being said, just let's just look at the fruit.
25:03
[SPEAKER_04]: Let's see if God is breathing on his endeavors, right?
25:06
[SPEAKER_04]: Let's see if God is breathing on the children.
25:08
[SPEAKER_04]: Let's see of the emotional intelligence of the people.
25:11
[SPEAKER_04]: Let me see the circle that he's choosing the right.
25:13
[SPEAKER_04]: How is he checking this habit?
25:14
[SPEAKER_04]: So I'm a fruit inspector, right?
25:16
[SPEAKER_04]: And so getting an opportunity to share a moment with your son and be like, oh, okay.
25:20
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, man, you know, because, you know, boy is going to be boys.
25:25
[SPEAKER_02]: That's so, no, my son's both of them keep it real with me and my younger boy, he said, after years, he came to me and said, you know, it was hard watching the breakup.
25:36
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, I'm honest, I was a little mad at you, dad.
25:39
[SPEAKER_02]: So it wasn't mad at you because you were wrong.
25:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I was mad because you changed our world.
25:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I like to say to people, it's a earthquake for kids when there's a divorce for kids.
25:47
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a whole earthquake.
25:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So he came to me three or four years after the fact and told me what he felt like and how hard it was for him to even watch his mother.
25:55
[SPEAKER_02]: struggle with the adjustment.
25:57
[SPEAKER_02]: But he apologized to me and said, I was really mean to you at times, because I was just mad about everything.
26:02
[SPEAKER_02]: So we worked through that, you know, we done therapy and all that, and to the men that are listening, I want to really say, aid on lose your coup, because that's what they want.
26:11
[SPEAKER_02]: beat on doubt yourself, seek and continue to be the father, the dad, even to the one that ain't speaking to you, even to the one that's speaking, you know, maybe negative of you.
26:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And this part is really key.
26:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Understand some of the closest people to you are going to switch up on you.
26:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Go change up.
26:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's what really hurts.
26:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you start walking in rooms, feeling like, does really think I did this?
26:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
26:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I know he saw the news report.
26:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I know he heard it because he
26:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I was with one friend for about three or four years, another attorney.
26:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, no attorney.
26:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And when I told her, like, yeah, I filed a divorce.
26:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you divorced her?
26:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So the whole time, she was thinking that, you know, it happened the other way, because that's what society automatically is.
26:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
26:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And when I told her, like, no, I have filed.
26:52
[SPEAKER_02]: It wasn't the other way around.
26:53
[SPEAKER_02]: She was like, you know, like, shocked.
26:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Not to say,
26:57
[SPEAKER_02]: what we were that my ex met up not filed herself one day but I was the first one to get with Tanya and do it and I regret to how quick we moved like we had an incident on the Friday by seven days later, later, Tanya had everything like restraining orders.
27:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, this actually you know, served the papers, you know, share of comes to the person's home like Tanya just went pit bull and for that I say to the men at home when you get attacked.
27:24
[SPEAKER_02]: take a minute to pause and realize, okay, that's still the baby mama, like I can hit her like I would hit a dude, but I don't want to crush her because she's still got, you know, children with me, kind of still is a, you know, fellow person, human being.
27:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think for me, in that initial month, I've just went, you know, James Walker game bus and like, oh, okay, you want to play this?
27:46
[SPEAKER_02]: This is how we gonna check mate you.
27:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and that made the situation angrier and made it more volatile for my kids.
27:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because the other person then says I'm a retaliating issue and you want to get me I'm gonna go take your baby girl.
27:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna take your son.
27:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna do this.
27:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm making her for you to see them.
28:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna do you know just off.
28:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna go to people that I know you and Willie were not out of ice.
28:04
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm gonna call Willie and say, hey, Willie, let's hang a little or you want to hear them about like all that kind of energy gets in the room.
28:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And I say to the men at home, I'm gonna live in witness.
28:14
[SPEAKER_02]: You can come through all of that.
28:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Bill, you're multi-million dollar companies.
28:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Get yourself back.
28:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Said if you don't let anger and hate permeate your heart, your mind and your energy.
28:24
[SPEAKER_02]: If you just say, I know who I am.
28:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I know I'm not that person that I'm being portrayed to be.
28:29
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm just gonna live a best life.
28:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm lucky I got to shout this out.
28:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Met Lee Jenkins around 2016 at Eaglesness.
28:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, yes.
28:37
[SPEAKER_02]: He could see I was broken.
28:39
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, I'm here, sit down, you still my attorney, but I don't want you overactive in the church or try to date someone as I'm just sit for a minute.
28:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm so glad I listened to him and he's been with me the whole way just like, I'm watching you.
28:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I see you coming back.
28:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I see you coming back.
28:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I love when I hit because you see a lot of like stuff with pastors we talk a lot today with different guests or whatever and this like pastors who kind of distance themselves and if I can be honest, man, like I'm I'm refreshing out my heart is good to those people who chose to like walk away after hearing the news of divorce or how tumultuous it was online and all of that and of course, you know, not going to be running back and forth going back and people online from the neighborhood you got
29:19
[SPEAKER_04]: If you got my number, right, you could call me.
29:22
[SPEAKER_04]: And if you don't, I just think differently of you.
29:24
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, man, you should just call me about that.
29:26
[SPEAKER_04]: And if you don't have my number, you don't have the right to really judge me, because you don't really know me that way.
29:33
[SPEAKER_04]: So when I see a pastor who decides to, hey, I'm going to walk with you.
29:37
[SPEAKER_04]: And shout out to my pastor, man, Mr. Bronner, he walked with me in some of my darkest moments.
29:43
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like, I could call and like, leave a voice, no curse, eh?
29:47
[SPEAKER_04]: And he would, he would just leave a voice note again.
29:50
[SPEAKER_04]: We're not going to do that.
29:51
[SPEAKER_04]: That's like it's like if we, and he'll give me a story of something that pulled me back and it'll just, it'll just send me.
29:58
[SPEAKER_04]: He'll send me down and he'll do this.
30:00
[SPEAKER_04]: He didn't distance himself just because of this public blow up.
30:03
[SPEAKER_04]: He just stood right, you know, I'm a stand right next to you and those are the people that you say, man, like I really appreciate it because if you haven't been through it, you do not know how dark can start.
30:13
[SPEAKER_04]: You do not know how dark.
30:14
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I look at pictures of myself.
30:16
[SPEAKER_04]: When I was going through that, I did Kingdom Business, a TV show on B.T.
30:20
[SPEAKER_04]: And I ended up doing it just because it's a great opportunity.
30:23
[SPEAKER_04]: I didn't really want to be on camera.
30:24
[SPEAKER_04]: Social media is running and rerun, because I got to stay off of there, because it's too hot.
30:28
[SPEAKER_04]: And I look at that picture.
30:29
[SPEAKER_04]: No life in my eyes, girl.
30:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
30:31
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I'm lifeless in the ad is like, where you did so good, I was like, do you see these ads is no life in these ads right now?
30:38
[SPEAKER_04]: There's no ads.
30:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, I look at those pictures now in 2014.
30:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.
30:42
[SPEAKER_02]: And look at the ones today.
30:43
[SPEAKER_02]: People and people tell me, man, you look younger.
30:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you look younger.
30:47
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'd say, well, when you lift that burden off in your ad piece, and you understand guys in control, you're not walking around angry, you're not trying to pay the price to write long emails, like in the beginning, like,
30:56
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what, you know, if you're going back for email, you get to ages, like, you know what, I'm a release that to God.
31:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And you realize that you have these pastors and friends and people who who do believe you.
31:08
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
31:09
[SPEAKER_02]: So you don't you stop trying to prove something, you know, and that's what I say to the men at home, like don't try to prove nothing.
31:15
[SPEAKER_02]: If you know who you are, you know you did right by them children.
31:18
[SPEAKER_02]: You know you did right by your wife.
31:19
[SPEAKER_02]: You know you weren't perfect, but even with she.
31:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't beat yourself up.
31:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't come on social media.
31:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I wanted so many times for the men at home.
31:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I wanted so many times to come on Facebook and write a teller.
31:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me tell you what she did.
31:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And let me tell you who she is.
31:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And God always said, hmm, not yet.
31:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Not yet.
31:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I thought about calling essence.
31:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a writing anonymous piece.
31:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And I must, you know, I'm a subscriber.
31:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I thought about calling Ebony and every time God would sit me down and say, don't do that, don't do that.
31:48
[SPEAKER_02]: That's your mother, your children.
31:49
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you will hurt them.
31:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And not all grown yet.
31:52
[SPEAKER_02]: You'll hurt them.
31:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Now they're grown.
31:54
[SPEAKER_02]: We laugh about it.
31:55
[SPEAKER_02]: They'll even say to me like, you know, how do you?
31:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Like we do this with you.
32:00
[SPEAKER_02]: We got this over here.
32:01
[SPEAKER_02]: We still trying to bring the person along because I said somebody recently said sometimes you can divorce person for 10, 12 years.
32:08
[SPEAKER_02]: But they still act and like it was yesterday.
32:10
[SPEAKER_02]: The energy is, you would think we broke up five days ago by the venom or the energy or the, just, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
32:35
[SPEAKER_02]: She'll be on the second one.
32:35
[SPEAKER_02]: You'll be first one.
32:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So one more and she's leaving for work.
32:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And I tap the pastor's eye window.
32:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And I said, I just want to thank you for these rock star kids and the window goes like this.
32:51
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm like 15 years.
32:56
[SPEAKER_04]: I love everybody but you stand in a house that I bought.
33:04
[SPEAKER_02]: You know like you would think like I would get like a well, you know They we we do have great kids.
33:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm like saying it all
33:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I just want to thank you for, you know, these rock star kids, like, aren't they great?
33:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
33:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And I told my mother about it, my mother said, are you idiot?
33:20
[SPEAKER_02]: More love you more podcast after this.
33:23
[SPEAKER_00]: My first marriage.
33:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I chose it.
33:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I had decided in my mind what I wanted my partner to look like.
33:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Not necessarily be like the very place where I am supposed to experience freedom was the place where I was not told that I could be free because people were not telling me you don't have to stay in this when you meet that person that makes you better the thing you think is a flaw they find beauty in it I remember I said I don't care if it's a podcast a new album a new radio show a new tv show create the movie a documentary I have to have a tool for somebody who's going through it to know that they're not a lot
34:00
[SPEAKER_04]: A lot of times in church, it has become a place of perfection, or at least pretentious pretending perfection.
34:06
[SPEAKER_04]: But the moment that you come in the Christ, he desires to give you a heart transplant.
34:11
[SPEAKER_04]: Tonya next week, now back to the Love You More Show, flat out.
34:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I just want to thank you for, you know, these rock star kids like, aren't they great?
34:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
34:20
[SPEAKER_02]: And I told my mother about it, my mother said, are you idiot?
34:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
34:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, anybody going to be like, yeah, we did great.
34:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what I was thinking.
34:31
[SPEAKER_04]: It didn't kill you, so you're kind.
34:34
[SPEAKER_04]: It's different when you think, so if your goal is to take everything and you don't win, you feel like you lost.
34:40
[SPEAKER_04]: But when you're a man and your goal is just to live.
34:43
[SPEAKER_04]: To not lose your mind.
34:45
[SPEAKER_04]: For me, not to drink in the morning in the noon day and at night.
34:49
[SPEAKER_04]: Wow, steel carrying a radio job and having to be an inspiration to people.
34:54
[SPEAKER_04]: I just didn't want to die.
34:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I just didn't want to be my own enemy.
34:58
[SPEAKER_04]: I knew that stuff couldn't kill me, but I knew if I was smarter enough, and I didn't surrender my life back.
35:04
[SPEAKER_04]: Bro, that alcohol was gonna give me.
35:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't even know Willie how I survived all of those calls.
35:10
[SPEAKER_02]: When I'd reflect back on it, I just think God, that top come in, I offer him tea, offer him coffee, we in a million dollar home, pop walking and looking all around, you know, you know, like what you do?
35:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:22
[SPEAKER_02]: 35 years old, what do you do to help all of this?
35:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't mean why the X is over there, you know, trying to amp up things and I just was like, I'm saying, I'm going on here.
35:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on.
35:32
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, we're sure we're going to need you to go away for a minute.
35:34
[SPEAKER_02]: We need to investigate.
35:35
[SPEAKER_02]: We need to talk to kids.
35:36
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you kids are young.
35:38
[SPEAKER_02]: So I look back on and I reflect and I just praise God every time that he kept me here, kept me calm, you're a cap of an alpha.
35:47
[SPEAKER_02]: When I was an alpha, or I'm an alpha, they always called me still,
35:54
[SPEAKER_02]: during those nights, because if I had just went James Walker Bridgeport for two minutes, that's all it cops need, that's what's in the middle of home.
35:57
[SPEAKER_02]: The cops only need 30 seconds, 60 seconds for you to go, I ain't do this, there's a set of, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh uh, uh uh, uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh
36:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Was it the Billy Bob stick?
36:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, Billy Bob stick.
36:11
[SPEAKER_02]: It's amazing.
36:12
[SPEAKER_02]: The taser, maybe a gun, like you got to really calm down.
36:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And for the brothers out there, still bitter about it.
36:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I say, let it go.
36:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a poster child for somebody who let it go, went to Tony Smalls, a CPA guy, went to Tony around 2016, said Tony.
36:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I found a little building.
36:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm about 20 grand short of what I need.
36:34
[SPEAKER_02]: He told me, no, at first, I'm in the middle of the divorce, you know, the second or third year of the divorce, and I say, Tony, I just need a win, right now I just need a win.
36:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So he recant, he said, you know what, my wife has said, no, but I'm gonna give you the money, man.
36:49
[SPEAKER_02]: We buy the building in college park right across the street from the Kansas High School.
36:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Kids are at war in the county.
36:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Buy the building because I was doing baseball.
36:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I knew the tension of the divorce was creating all kind of havoc with pick-ups, drop-offs.
37:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I know what you're going through, man, at home, the drop-off is like the most intense thing.
37:06
[SPEAKER_02]: You gotta have a mean-to-mediary.
37:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Gotta have holy security and store it.
37:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Like as the president of somebody, so you all don't get into it.
37:12
[SPEAKER_02]: So we buy this building.
37:14
[SPEAKER_02]: in the 2016-2017 era, Zion can now go to class, come to the building, even days he's got to say his mind, he comes to me, my other kids could do the same with their at that age, but he was only one at Wilbert at the time, and we had like a six months agreement on the loan.
37:28
[SPEAKER_02]: We've paced on Tony back in 90 days, now we just bought the building next door.
37:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Now we got both of them.
37:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Kids are gone from will work, J.D.B.
37:37
[SPEAKER_02]: three time, I'll hold the bills as dad.
37:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm giving you grandchildren.
37:39
[SPEAKER_02]: One day you're going to get grandchildren and they're going to go to will work.
37:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how true that is.
37:44
[SPEAKER_02]: But the testimony, right?
37:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll need $20 to close on a building.
37:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And then today I sit on what an interior decorator.
37:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, yeah, I'm going to need about 20 or so for my fee.
37:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, okay, cool, you got it.
37:55
[SPEAKER_02]: See the shift?
37:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
37:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Need to borrow a 20.
37:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Today you put in 20 in decorations.
38:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's the whole story arc.
38:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you think you could be this version without divorce?
38:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I doubt it.
38:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I think I had to go through that to get to happiness and to get to go on that journey and had to re-examine me.
38:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Some of the errors that you put on, trying to look the part when you notice, when you're in the media, you don't see an instance, 2007.
38:23
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, didn't see that often get on again for five, six years.
38:26
[SPEAKER_02]: So you're projecting an image where you go to your kids high school and the janitor stopped just saying, Hey, man, you made us look good last.
38:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think.
38:33
[SPEAKER_02]: So you're trying to keep that family Cosby show image when it's so far from who you guys really are when you look at what's going on at home.
38:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And you just wake up at about 40.
38:45
[SPEAKER_02]: You should say, I can do this the next half of life.
38:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I got to be happy.
38:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And the other person may not understand it.
38:51
[SPEAKER_02]: People around you because they look up to you.
38:53
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, y'all supposed to be our role model, Willie.
38:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I y'all, y'all can't do this, y'all.
38:57
[SPEAKER_02]: We all look up to y'all.
38:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And you're saying, well, you know, I can't we can't we we're not chemistry.
39:02
[SPEAKER_02]: We're not equally yoked.
39:04
[SPEAKER_02]: We started in the wrong place.
39:06
[SPEAKER_02]: We didn't start.
39:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Biblically, we started, you know, knowing somebody's short period of time in college, find out their pregnant, you try to do the noble thing, and I think that was the hardest part when you talk about your heart.
39:18
[SPEAKER_02]: The hardest part is when you know and I know that this man here tried to step up to the plate.
39:26
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
39:27
[SPEAKER_02]: That's probably the hardest part of it because
39:31
[SPEAKER_02]: person didn't have to, because I look, I'm an attorney.
39:34
[SPEAKER_02]: How much of mouth is it?
39:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm going to sell you that child support.
39:37
[SPEAKER_02]: We good.
39:38
[SPEAKER_02]: But the person, not, not all.
39:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I know you're that long, but you seem like a decent person.
39:42
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, they do a merit, they do a range, mergers.
39:45
[SPEAKER_02]: We just learn range for this to be what it be.
39:47
[SPEAKER_02]: You're pretty, I'm pretty decent.
39:49
[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to have pretty babies.
39:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's go.
39:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So when it doesn't work out,
39:54
[SPEAKER_02]: You come in rational as a man like hey, it's just, you know, this ain't work out.
39:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And the person's flipping furniture, calling this person, calling police, calling a children services, and you're getting vindicated at every turn.
40:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And you're looking at the person like, oh, what's up?
40:10
[SPEAKER_01]: How could you do that to me?
40:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Is all that you kids?
40:12
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, if nothing else, we gave you this.
40:15
[SPEAKER_02]: You could hate me to you hate me, but knock him on that window.
40:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Doesn't that, you know what I mean?
40:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Doesn't that do you not just give them that much and I love my son my son said the funny estate or one day He said oh mom you like them at some point you laid up with him
40:30
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, you married him, you later, he said, so at some point he was something decent.
40:35
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
40:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And he said to say to me, like, you know, if you think of anything bad, you got acknowledged that at some point, he was here with it because you went for it.
40:44
[SPEAKER_02]: But I praise God of like where we are now when you see hundreds of people working and you've got a piece of ownership on something whether it's a Broadway play, whether it's buildings, whether it's the
40:57
[SPEAKER_02]: with the food fat fat pantry that we pretty much fund with our church back home out for Watts my past.
41:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I call them my Connecticut pastor.
41:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I got three passes.
41:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I got Connecticut.
41:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I got John Jenkins and DC.
41:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, and I got Lee Jenkins here in the Atlantic.
41:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So I travel from house to house.
41:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
41:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Business a business.
41:12
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm at one of those churches every weekend depending on where I'm staying.
41:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Got it.
41:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And those three men aren't sharp as I.
41:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, sir.
41:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't get here with all those three men.
41:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Pastor John Jenkins, Pastor Lee Jenkins and my dear dear friend Alvaro Watson with the Howard with me and pastors cornerstone Christian center.
41:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And he wanted the situations he had to come to the jail and bring me home.
41:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
41:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
41:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Now what happened there?
41:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I was told not to go on the lawn.
41:40
[SPEAKER_02]: So first cop call, police say, OK, we got to guess all of this.
41:45
[SPEAKER_02]: You leave, you get away, you stay in your apartment.
41:48
[SPEAKER_02]: They stay here.
41:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I went to pick the kids up to go to church to cornerstone, Alfred's church.
41:53
[SPEAKER_02]: And the order at that time, this was way, way back to the 2009.
41:58
[SPEAKER_02]: The mutual agreement was like, you'll stay here.
42:00
[SPEAKER_02]: They'll stay there.
42:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Come pick the kids up.
42:03
[SPEAKER_02]: White neighborhood, white police.
42:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I get called for coming to the yard, taking the kids out.
42:09
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, when you have an order, you're not supposed to go certain places.
42:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So I end up getting in trouble, temporary, then take me to the United States and I call Pasawatts.
42:19
[SPEAKER_02]: He comes, sees me, he comes and meets me.
42:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Since me now, I'm going to go try to talk to the other side of trying to work this side.
42:26
[SPEAKER_02]: This is crazy.
42:27
[SPEAKER_02]: This is ridiculous.
42:28
[SPEAKER_02]: They got you to go to court.
42:29
[SPEAKER_02]: The judge dismisses everything.
42:31
[SPEAKER_02]: The judge says, first of all, in order didn't specify, you couldn't take his church.
42:37
[SPEAKER_02]: But that's where the event was 16 years ago.
42:40
[SPEAKER_02]: See, so then you come to Georgia and say, okay, let's try to fix this.
42:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, let's get out of our environment.
42:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it didn't say anything happened.
42:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, it's cause.
42:49
[SPEAKER_02]: But this time, the sergeant caught what was going on and said, nah, nah, nah, nah, you need to be protected.
42:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm going to tell you what you got to do, young man.
42:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you're going to hurt somebody here or getting hurt.
43:01
[SPEAKER_02]: That was like five, six years later, but the very first time over 15, 16 years ago, 2009, 2010 timeframe.
43:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So we're on here.
43:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I had to call Pastor Watts say, look, man, issue at home, the cops asked me to leave the house.
43:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I went back, stepped on some grass, getting the kids.
43:19
[SPEAKER_02]: and the cops read the order to be, I'm not supposed to even come to the door to get the kids.
43:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Even though I didn't go in, no violence, just a little horn.
43:28
[SPEAKER_02]: They came to my job.
43:29
[SPEAKER_02]: That Friday night.
43:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I never forget was a march.
43:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Knocked in my door, secretary there.
43:33
[SPEAKER_02]: There's Walker, police officers.
43:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, you went to the house last night, something, yeah, we're going to have to take you in.
43:40
[SPEAKER_02]: pick me up at my office, I'm a lawyer at this time.
43:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to go to court 30 days later in my hometown and I walked out never forget to do it in this courtroom because they knew we'd get any help so you know what I mean?
43:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Who are you in for?
43:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Look at what case you got the day and then when they see my name call they go.
43:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, okay.
44:00
[SPEAKER_02]: He embarrass me and I brought my son with me.
44:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I brought my son with 16 and he came with me 31 now, he came with me because I wanted him to see the judicial system and black men and how it worked.
44:12
[SPEAKER_02]: So he came with me and he saw how harsh the judge was with me at first and we actually read the stuff said, Oh, you didn't violate nothing.
44:21
[SPEAKER_02]: This don't say you can't go get the kids with church.
44:24
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you know, threw it all out, but I told my son, I said, remember that and remember how when you're interacting with these young ladies,
44:31
[SPEAKER_02]: a simple screaming match to turn into, oh, he was harassing me.
44:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I felt threatened on my friend for my life, and in the wrong neighborhood.
44:42
[SPEAKER_02]: You didn't take it out.
44:43
[SPEAKER_02]: You can arrest it, and I praise God.
44:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Everybody told me, Cobb was so tough.
44:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Pop police, and this white guy from Cobb, he came.
44:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I know he was an angel sent by God, because he pulled me aside and said, you gotta get out of this.
44:56
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, I've seen what happened in Connecticut.
44:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, extra to show me some papers from five, six years ago.
45:02
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, don't know about the care stuff like that.
45:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's try to set you up.
45:06
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, this has been going on for five or six years.
45:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And you're trying to rise above it, rise above it.
45:11
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, you got to get out of this.
45:13
[SPEAKER_04]: Some of them.
45:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's so funny, all your boys tell you that, but you don't listen.
45:16
[SPEAKER_02]: But when they're opposed to that, they say, I was like, oh, he's like, yeah, man, he said, because you're going to snap.
45:22
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, some point, this calm demeanor do, you're going to snap.
45:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, it's going to all come out, and it might not be pretty.
45:30
[SPEAKER_04]: Man, I remember sitting outside the police are called,
45:34
[SPEAKER_04]: And you know somebody got to go to jail when they called the Mr.
45:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Call.
45:37
[SPEAKER_04]: If you don't know fellas, they got to take somebody to jail.
45:40
[SPEAKER_04]: And usually it's gonna be you.
45:42
[SPEAKER_04]: Yup.
45:42
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm in this beautiful prestigious neighborhood with the youngest people on the block.
45:46
[SPEAKER_04]: And it was called because maybe I was a little louder than normal.
45:49
[SPEAKER_04]: I said something crazy like, you gonna have to go home.
45:52
[SPEAKER_04]: Right?
45:52
[SPEAKER_04]: You gotta go home.
45:54
[SPEAKER_04]: back to the same rules for a little while.
45:55
[SPEAKER_04]: Cause now I'm mad and I don't get mad.
45:58
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm calm.
45:59
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm cool and collect the benign mad.
46:01
[SPEAKER_04]: I ain't going nowhere.
46:02
[SPEAKER_04]: We're going to call the priest, the preacher, the player, the pill, the police, whatever we got to do.
46:07
[SPEAKER_04]: But we're going to have to get up out of here.
46:09
[SPEAKER_04]: You want to call the police?
46:11
[SPEAKER_04]: I call the police right now.
46:13
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't want to need to call the police right now.
46:14
[SPEAKER_04]: We just need to come up with a thing I know on my side.
46:17
[SPEAKER_04]: Just like you in the police.
46:19
[SPEAKER_04]: It's a black lady police who goes to service her.
46:22
[SPEAKER_04]: And she is tough.
46:24
[SPEAKER_04]: She won't even look me in the eye.
46:25
[SPEAKER_04]: That's what, yep.
46:26
[SPEAKER_04]: She won't even look me in the eye.
46:27
[SPEAKER_04]: She like, Nick, you've been to go to jail today.
46:30
[SPEAKER_04]: So why cop outside?
46:32
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm sitting by my jeep and my jeep has cap off aside on my place.
46:37
[SPEAKER_04]: And he's like, man, tough.
46:38
[SPEAKER_04]: And I kept saying, yeah, she and my house is a nutshell, you married.
46:41
[SPEAKER_04]: And I said, yeah, I'm married, but everything in my name is set of research.
46:44
[SPEAKER_04]: He said, well, you're married.
46:45
[SPEAKER_04]: So it's both a y'all house, and I was like, you right, you right, and I humbled down.
46:51
[SPEAKER_04]: He looked at those cap office on TAX, he said, man, where did you pledge it?
46:54
[SPEAKER_04]: Why do?
46:55
[SPEAKER_04]: Because he's waiting on them to come out.
46:57
[SPEAKER_04]: I said, I pledge that Ole Miss, man, the University of Mississippi.
47:00
[SPEAKER_04]: I went there and said, you want to Ole Miss?
47:02
[SPEAKER_04]: I said, yeah, he said, I want to Ole Miss.
47:04
[SPEAKER_04]: I said, really?
47:05
[SPEAKER_04]: He said, what dorm did you stay?
47:06
[SPEAKER_04]: And I said, man, I stayed in Kanoa.
47:07
[SPEAKER_04]: Just police station.
47:08
[SPEAKER_04]: I was like, I stayed in Kanoa.
47:10
[SPEAKER_04]: I was like, I ran track.
47:12
[SPEAKER_04]: He said, no, you remember during our time.
47:14
[SPEAKER_04]: Because civilians and the athletes could stay there.
47:17
[SPEAKER_04]: I was like, yeah, I do, man.
47:18
[SPEAKER_04]: He's like, yeah, I'm just like, we were there at the same time.
47:20
[SPEAKER_04]: He's like, wait right here.
47:22
[SPEAKER_04]: He went in.
47:23
[SPEAKER_04]: He came out.
47:24
[SPEAKER_04]: He said, can you go in the house?
47:26
[SPEAKER_04]: And can you go get some clothes and say, can you promise me that you will not come back here tonight?
47:32
[SPEAKER_04]: I said, I promise, I will not come back here for three days like Jesus did.
47:37
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, coming back for three days.
47:39
[SPEAKER_04]: So I ended up doing that.
47:41
[SPEAKER_04]: And when I stayed in that Airbnb for those three days, like deep on the inside, I knew that.
47:46
[SPEAKER_04]: that it was, that this was probably my last straw.
47:49
[SPEAKER_04]: And my therapist said, you've been calm this whole time.
47:52
[SPEAKER_04]: Although you've done so wrong, right?
47:53
[SPEAKER_04]: You've done so wrong, but you've been calm from the response to to your wrong and the response from wrong that you would.
47:58
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't want you to snap, because a person can only take so much.
48:03
[SPEAKER_04]: So you have to find your space.
48:05
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to find a condo.
48:07
[SPEAKER_04]: I remember walking in and getting my clothes on my son, who's now 11 years old.
48:10
[SPEAKER_04]: He was only like 2 then, 3 then.
48:13
[SPEAKER_04]: He said, day, are you going to go to jail?
48:16
[SPEAKER_04]: And I bent down and I said, Eddie will never go to jail.
48:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Mm-hm.
48:20
[SPEAKER_04]: I won't go to jail.
48:21
[SPEAKER_04]: And in that moment, I realized that I was hurting no more by attempting to stay there than...
48:28
[SPEAKER_04]: And I know it's my son, crazy people, but the person that I was like having to go sneak in smoke because I'm living on the anxiety and drinking and doing all that stuff.
48:36
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I knew that I could not change that because I knew I was no longer a line with this person anymore.
48:42
[SPEAKER_04]: And I was only trying to hold up this cosmic show persona because the rest of the world knew it.
48:46
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, they knew what it was.
48:49
[SPEAKER_04]: Last question now, I just want you to say this because there are a lot of people on the other side of this who could go through the treatment that you endured and say,
48:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Man forget them kids.
48:57
[SPEAKER_04]: What made you still be the father that you were to those children considering the attitude and the emotion that your former wife took towards you?
49:06
[SPEAKER_04]: Why did you fight so hard?
49:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I thought because A. I saw the herd on them and I never forget the last night my ex-wife and I stayed together.
49:14
[SPEAKER_02]: When that cop came and told me to do a list, they took her out and made her go stay with some friends.
49:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And I sat in the room, I played a piano song on give thanks with a great for heart and my son was on the couch and he was crying by 1819 and I said, son, this is all my fault.
49:31
[SPEAKER_02]: As a man, I saw the ship sinking for five, six years and I didn't move quick enough
49:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I said, so always remember it's men.
49:44
[SPEAKER_02]: If the roof come off the house, we responsible.
49:47
[SPEAKER_02]: If something goes on back yard, we the men.
49:50
[SPEAKER_02]: We're supposed to, and he was like, well, she did this.
49:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to do, you know, he was really mad at his mom at time, and I said, son, your mom is just acting with emotion because of the hurt of it.
49:59
[SPEAKER_02]: But that's still your mom, and I'm still the man here.
50:03
[SPEAKER_02]: So I have to take the brunt of how we got here and make sure you kids get everything you need from here.
50:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So your sisters might be a little mad.
50:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Your brother might be bad.
50:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I got to still follow you.
50:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Still make sure you're all getting college.
50:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Today we got seven or eight degrees.
50:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm on the fordum to attorneys.
50:20
[SPEAKER_02]: One year when you go to law school, one baseball coach got three houses.
50:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I had to make sure these last 10 or 12 years.
50:26
[SPEAKER_02]: They got set up.
50:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And I want to clarify something earlier.
50:30
[SPEAKER_02]: The reason I was in that grass situation was because there had been a false claim that the kids were in some kind of risks and abuse.
50:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So when children's services came in, I was told, stay away for two or three weeks while we do our investigation.
50:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Totally cleared my sensitive system one day.
50:46
[SPEAKER_02]: You're a better actor than Denzel because you know at first they were trying to One was trying to go with mom and my son was like, come on.
50:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Then you have it.
50:54
[SPEAKER_02]: So I had to stay away.
50:56
[SPEAKER_02]: But I came back to take the boys to church while that investigation was ongoing.
51:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I just want to clarify.
51:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I said, well, why can't you go in the yard?
51:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
51:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I came back to still trying to be dead.
51:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Still trying to say, I know we in the situation, I know I'm up to street in the Airbnb or apartment or something, but I'm still trying to be dad and I'm y'all gonna go to church like normal to cornerstone and just coming on the yard, like coming up your driveway.
51:18
[SPEAKER_02]: I got reported to police.
51:19
[SPEAKER_02]: He came back by.
51:20
[SPEAKER_02]: There's an investigation going on.
51:22
[SPEAKER_02]: He's not supposed to come by.
51:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
51:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And that led to further court stuff.
51:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So I want to make sure that that's clear for anybody listening.
51:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But to your question, I just felt like fatherhood is the greatest to evolve.
51:35
[SPEAKER_02]: If anybody know me, my hashtag has always been trained up a child with 10 plus years.
51:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I've always had not had grown.
51:41
[SPEAKER_02]: People will hit me and say, yo man, they're growing out.
51:43
[SPEAKER_02]: You might want to change that to trade up a dough, a trade up a man or woman, but for years on Facebook, I got on Facebook to show father's look.
51:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if you didn't have a father there for you, even if you are more close, even if it's tough, it is the greatest joy and the greatest job to have, and there's a father and there's that.
52:03
[SPEAKER_02]: and I just enjoyed the baseball football tennis, getting the college dropping them off, just seeing them all mature into adults, and then going on trips now without us and living their best life.
52:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So I just want to make sure that the scars and bruises that were left on me as a child.
52:20
[SPEAKER_02]: didn't get left on my children when me and their parent broke up because I saw what I went through when my parents would just at war for years and obviously I don't want to just credit my mother because she did what she could do having me as a teenager and did I think a hell of a job and what she did have but there was some tough years of just watching them remember when when the college and my dad was like well you mom would you go to Howard I don't agree with that so me and mom had to trek through Howard alone.
52:47
[SPEAKER_02]: and we got through.
52:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm forever grateful that she said, you wanna go to Howard, we do Howard.
52:53
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I mean, I get support here here here, but we gonna do Howard and we did Howard, we did the twice on the grad ed law school, and then the Yale for the Masters, and Mom was at every graduation, at every turn, like cheering us on, you know?
53:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And when all the fires broke out in the marriage, Mom was the first one, drive out to the house, say, Senator got you back, son of which I know who you are.
53:17
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, grateful mom.
53:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, grateful mom.
53:22
[SPEAKER_04]: Man, you know, I did my first time really shooting in this space and I finally, finally actually here, God, man, like, just in my heart, like you just need to know, just how grateful I am for you feeling safe enough and share it to share your story here.
53:38
[SPEAKER_04]: And then I'm also grateful.
53:40
[SPEAKER_04]: because you don't see it this way, but I'm grateful because you just go get it.
53:44
[SPEAKER_04]: You just, you wired it.
53:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
53:46
[SPEAKER_04]: You wired the way God wanted you to be wired.
53:49
[SPEAKER_04]: What was set up to kill you actually gave you the fuel to go out and be the man that you ordered.
53:55
[SPEAKER_04]: Then without seeing it,
53:57
[SPEAKER_04]: about logical father, God gave you the innate ability to see the great qualities in the men around you and the adults, yeah.
54:03
[SPEAKER_04]: Right?
54:03
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, he's from your father.
54:05
[SPEAKER_04]: It was like, I just take them part.
54:06
[SPEAKER_04]: Nah, I'll just take them part.
54:07
[SPEAKER_04]: Other one good, but I just take them part.
54:10
[SPEAKER_04]: And you were able to create the man in your heart that you wanted to be through the examples that you were able to see.
54:17
[SPEAKER_04]: Here's the second caveat.
54:18
[SPEAKER_04]: You've accomplished everything that you put on paper.
54:22
[SPEAKER_04]: And now it's okay to enjoy your life.
54:28
[SPEAKER_04]: I just want you to really enjoy your life.
54:31
[SPEAKER_04]: I want you to visualize and write a vision on how much you want.
54:36
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm not talking about the vacation because everything you do it seems like I got to do it for everybody in it.
54:41
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like now it's just time to say okay.
54:45
[SPEAKER_04]: What does James want?
54:47
[SPEAKER_04]: Well done.
54:48
[SPEAKER_04]: You've done good.
54:49
[SPEAKER_04]: All those other things that you work out, like the toilet in part of it all, is no longer necessary.
54:56
[SPEAKER_04]: I James can actually go live his life now.
54:58
[SPEAKER_04]: You've done the work.
54:59
[SPEAKER_04]: You've devoted yourself to the people that you love the most.
55:03
[SPEAKER_04]: And now the hardest part of the second half of your life is just figuring out what you like outside of a college mix.
55:10
[SPEAKER_04]: Wow, that's good.
55:11
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's okay.
55:12
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay.
55:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Is this the thing you do?
55:15
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's okay with your accomplishments bro like you've done you've done your work and there's a there's a part of life There's there's another part of life that requires the rest it requires the Time it requires the investment in you Right because there will be grand children and there'll be and it's gonna be more than just a house.
55:38
[SPEAKER_04]: It's gonna be more of the version
55:41
[SPEAKER_04]: that they need to see.
55:42
[SPEAKER_04]: Now you're saying the example of what it looks like to be the grandfather.
55:46
[SPEAKER_04]: What it looks like to slim up the way you do, how to wear my beard.
55:49
[SPEAKER_04]: Now what do I vacation, right?
55:51
[SPEAKER_04]: And so, you know, I would love to just see what that other part of life would look like.
55:56
[SPEAKER_04]: And then that's for me, you know, the Bible say, I'm sick enough, right?
55:59
[SPEAKER_04]: So my axis, as I trick down this now, having some adult children, right?
56:04
[SPEAKER_04]: I would love to be by your side and being able to get closer to see, you know, how to trick down a trick correctly many times, brother.
56:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I hope my mistakes, my highs and my loans, hope brothers out there because I feel so many brothers are keeping it inside and not able to talk outside.
56:21
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
56:22
[SPEAKER_02]: on the way we grow up, you know, I make a joke.
56:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Bishop Javts a lot of times about Bishop Jake's in his place.
56:27
[SPEAKER_02]: A lot of times I say black men, you know, we don't know how to be nice.
56:30
[SPEAKER_02]: We don't know how to just open up and talk freely, emotionally, because we raise with a hammer in a toolbox.
56:36
[SPEAKER_02]: They're giving a barbie dial and they're learning to be nurtures, learning to be, you know, pulling, we don't get that as a child.
56:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So we,
56:44
[SPEAKER_02]: We just, um, we keep it all in, we stay tough.
56:47
[SPEAKER_02]: We don't, you know, I can sit in a room with black men and say, anybody need any money?
56:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Anybody need legal service?
56:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Anybody need their will done?
56:53
[SPEAKER_02]: And 12 dudes will all say, no, I'm good.
56:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm good.
56:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm good.
56:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And then later on, somebody say, hey, man, you know, Willie was losing his Mercedes.
56:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, you need a 500.
57:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that why did he tell you?
57:01
[SPEAKER_02]: He said that.
57:02
[SPEAKER_02]: But he said that.
57:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you know, in the room with 12 men, you know what I'm saying?
57:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, women, that same conversation, they're gonna go, well, I didn't want to tell nobody, but, you know, when we got laid off and, yes, we ain't got no, no, no, groceries and we got paid a rent this week, and all the women chipping, and they save each other.
57:20
[SPEAKER_02]: So I hope the men at home who watch this, who inbox me, inbox you, and really know that they can be free.
57:27
[SPEAKER_02]: They can get the therapist, talk to a brother,
57:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Get in touch with your emotions and be able to share what you're really going through.
57:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, before it, if you don't share what you're going through, it's going to take you through.
57:40
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, family listen, you know I usually put a bow on it, but I believe once Holy Spirit moves, there's no need to put icing on his cake.
57:47
[SPEAKER_04]: My only thing that I want you to know is that the Bible declares this, that is, that you've got to love your neighbor as you love yourself, your community will be better, your home will be better, everything around you will be better when you learn to love you.
57:59
[SPEAKER_04]: Amen.
57:59
[SPEAKER_04]: More.
58:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Flat out love you.
58:01
[SPEAKER_04]: Love you more, love you more, love you more, love you more.