Latest / Amazing Life Breakthrough / Ep 51 | Don’t Wait for the Funeral to Bring the Family Together

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Ep 51 | Don’t Wait for the Funeral to Bring the Family Together · Amazing Life Breakthrough

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Moments come and go.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Moments can be special, uplifting you, or they can set you on a path you didn't expect.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: There are moments in life when you feel something stirring inside you, and you don't always know how important it is until later.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: You feel driven to make a phone call, you feel driven to plan a visit, you feel driven to gather people, to say something, to honor someone, to bring everyone together.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And at the time it may feel like a lot of work, it may feel inconvenient, it may feel expensive, it may feel like one more thing on an already full plate.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: But then later, when life changes, you realize that nudge was a gift, and you are so thankful you followed it.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you listened on Tuesday, we talked about choosing family over competition, about how ambition matters, goals matter, and doing your best matters, but people matter more.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to go deeper because sometimes choosing family is not just a quick visit or a phone call.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is deciding I'm going to bring people together while we still can.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Amazing Life Breakthrough.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Steve Klein, and today I want to talk about family reunions, honoring the people who shaped us, and why we should not wait for a funeral to gather the people we love.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: I had an experience like this in my own life.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: For years I had wanted to do something special for my dad, and I wanted to say thank you, not just privately, not just in a quick conversation.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to say it in front of a group of people.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to acknowledge him for all the years he had helped me, all the ways he had shown up, all the sacrifices, all the support, all the quiet things fathers do that sometimes don't get recognized until much later.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, I wanted to give everyone else a gift too, the gift of being together.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I decided to hold a family reunion.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I should say it was going to be a 70th birthday and retirement party for my dad.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: That turned into a big family reunion.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And this was not just a little backyard afternoon where a couple people came over.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: This became a big thing.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was a week of activities.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: We went to the mountains, we went to the coast.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I planned outings, meals, time together, things people could enjoy.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then I rented a well-known facility in our area next to the river so we could have a big 75th birthday party and retirement party for my dad.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: But really, it became much more than a birthday party or retirement celebration.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: It turned into a full family reunion, a thank you to my dad, a gathering of generations, and a rare chance for everyone to be together in one place.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And what made it so special was that relatives came in from out of state.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uncles came, cousins came, people came who normally would not all be together at the same time.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Usually we might have one or two families visiting at most.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: This time it felt like everyone, and that was unheard of.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was a huge crescendo moment in my life.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: That is really the only way I can describe it.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: A crescendo like all these family threads, all these relationships, all these memories and miles and years suddenly came together in one place.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, it was a lot of work.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let's be honest about that.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Family gatherings do not plan themselves.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: There are phone calls, there are details, there are schedules, there are people flying in or driving in.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: There is food, there are places to be, there are costs, there are decisions, there are last minute changes, there is the effort of trying to make sure everyone has a good time.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've ever planned anything with family, you know, there is always something.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: But I wanted it to be special.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted my dad to feel honored.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted everyone to enjoy it.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted people to remember it.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And looking back now, I am so glad I did it.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because just two weeks later I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Unexpected, no warning, just gone.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And like anyone who has been through that kind of loss knows it leaves you in shock.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: You are trying to process what happened, but your mind can barely catch up with your heart.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: But deep down underneath the grief and underneath the shock, there was something else.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: There was gratitude.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was so glad I had gone through the trouble.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: So glad I had gone through the hassles.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: So glad I had gone through the hard effort it took to put the itinerary together, promote it, coordinate it, rent the facility, gather everyone, and make sure people had a great time, including my dad.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because my dad was there for it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: He heard the thank you and he was honored in front of the people who loved him.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: He saw the family gathered together, not for a funeral, not out of obligation, but for a celebration.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And he got to experience all of that while he was still here on this earth.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: That was meaningful in a way I don't think I fully understood until later, and it was significant.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And looking back, I'm so grateful he had that moment.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I always knew something, and maybe you have noticed this too.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: People love to come together for a festive occasion, but they may not show up for a funeral.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And even when they do show up for a funeral, the person you most wanted to honor is no longer there to receive it.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: That is the part that stays with me.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: We say beautiful things at funerals, and we should.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: We gather, we grieve, we remember, we support one another.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: But how much better is it to say some of those things while the person can still hear them?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: How much better is it to bring people together while the person can still sit at the table?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: How much better is it to laugh together, take the pictures, tell the stories, eat the meal, share the hugs, and let the person know you mattered, you still matter, we are grateful for you.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: That is the breakthrough of this episode.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Don't wait for loss to reveal what love already knows.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Don't wait for the funeral to bring the family together.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Don't wait until people are gone to say the thing you already feel.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know family can be complicated, but I want to say that clearly.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Not everyone has a family that is easy.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Some families have pain, some have distance, some have conflict.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Some relationships are not safe or healthy.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I am not saying you ignore wisdom, boundaries, or reality.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: But where there is love available, where there is connection still possible, where there is a person you can honor, where there is a family thread that can still be strengthened, do not assume you have unlimited time.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: We don't.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that is not meant to scare us, it is meant to wake us up.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because we all think we have more time than we do.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: We think maybe next year, or when things slow down.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: We think when everyone's schedule works, or when I have more money.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: We think when I can plan it perfectly.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes the perfect moment never comes, and sometimes the meaningful moment has to be created before everything lines up.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: That family reunion was not simple.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: It took effort, it took planning, it took energy, but what I received from it was far greater than what I spent.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was giving my dad a gift, and I was.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was giving my relatives a gift, and I was.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: But I was also giving myself a gift because now, after losing my dad, I can look back and say, we did it, we gathered, we honored him, we made the effort, we were together.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: That brings peace.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not because grief disappears, grief does not disappear just because you did something meaningful beforehand.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this was one of the best, and I mean the best experiences I have ever had in my life.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: My family, my cousins, my dad's friends, all here to honor him, to have a huge family reunion in his honor.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden, one of the worst things in my life happened.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Having one of the best experiences beforehand doesn't make the grief disappear.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: But it does change the grief.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: It gives grief something special to hold on to.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: It gives your heart a memory that says, I'm glad we did that.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And those words are powerful.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad we did that.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: You want more of those words in your life.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: You want fewer words like I wish we had, I wish I had called, I wish I had visited, I wish I had said it.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I wish we had gotten everyone together.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I wish we had made the effort.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: That is a heavy kind of regret.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we can avoid it, not always, but sometimes by listening to the nudge when it comes.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now I also want to say here, real quick, if you didn't get those moments right before you lost a loved one, it's okay.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Think back to those amazing moments you had with one another.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the moments worth holding on to.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: So let's bring this down to real life.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you are not ready to plan a giant reunion.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you do not have the time, the money, or the energy for a week-long event.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: That is okay.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Start smaller, host a dinner, plan a picnic, invite the cousins, take your parents to lunch, visit your grandparents, call your aunt or uncle, organize a simple birthday gathering, start a family text thread, ask someone to tell stories from when they were younger.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Record a conversation with an elder in your family.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Ask about the family name, ask where people came from, ask what values were passed down.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because family is not just who shares your last name or your bloodline, family is also the living library of where you came from.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when those people are gone, some stories go with them.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: So does the special memories, as well as their voices, or even those special family recipes you have grown to love.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Write it all down.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Some little details about your family name, your roots, your legacy, your bloodline, your history.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Those things can fade unless somebody takes the time to ask, listen, gather, and remember.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: That is part of what family reunions do.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: They don't just create new memories.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: They preserve old ones, they remind the younger generation you belong to something.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: They remind the older generation you are not forgotten.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: They remind everyone in the middle, life is bigger than my daily stress.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that is one of the reasons I believe gatherings matter.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: They interrupt the normal pace of life.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: They force people to step out of their routines.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: They create a container for love to be expressed.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And love often needs a container.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: A birthday party can become a thank you.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: A retirement party can become a legacy moment.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: A family reunion can become a healing memory, a meal can become a bridge, a weekend can become one of the most important things you ever did.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to talk to the person listening who feels the nudge.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe while I am speaking, someone came to mind, a parent, a grandparent, a sibling, a cousin, an uncle, an aunt.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you are thinking, we really should get together, or I need to call them, or we have not all been in one place in years.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Do not brush that off too quickly.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes a nudge is just a thought, but sometimes a nudge is wisdom knocking.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And when it knocks, answer.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let the size of the event stop the first step.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: You do not need the whole plan today.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: You just need the next move.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Send the text, make the call, and ask the questions.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Say, would anyone be interested if we tried to get together this year?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Say something like, I've been thinking about honoring dad.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Say, I'd love for the cousins to see each other.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Say, we don't have to make it fancy, but I don't want us to wait forever.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: That one sentence can begin something, and if people resist, don't take it personally right away.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: People are busy, people are tired, people have schedules, people may not understand the importance at first, but keep the heart of it simple.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about pressure, this is not about perfection, this is about being present.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: It is about creating an opportunity for people to be together while they still can.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that phrase matters, while they still can.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because someday, every family gathering changes.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: There will be chairs that are empty, voices that are missing, stories that are now memories instead of conversations, and that is life.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: We cannot stop that.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: But we can choose to love people well before that day comes.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And when you do, you give everyone a gift, you give the person being honored a gift, you give the family a gift, you give yourself a gift.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, without knowing it, you give your future grief a gift too.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: You give it a memory of obedience, of love, of action, you give it something to say besides, I wish.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: You give it something to say like, thank God we did that.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: That is what the reunion became for me.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: A moment I am deeply grateful for, a moment I will never regret, a moment where the work was absolutely worth it.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that is the practical lesson today.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Do the thing that love is asking you to do.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Not someday, not when everything is easy, not when everybody's schedule magically lines up.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Do it as best you can with what you have while people are still here, because we spend a lot of time chasing accomplishments, and so we spend a lot of time trying to get ahead.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: We spend a lot of time planning for the future, but but one of the deepest measures of a full life is not just what you built, it is who you loved, who you honored, who you gathered, who you made time for, who knew because of your words and your actions I matter to you.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: So here is your listener challenge.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: This week, choose one step toward family connection, one step.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Call someone you have not talked to in a while.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Ask an older relative to tell you a story.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Plan a small family meal, start a conversation about a reunion, write a thank you note to someone who helped shape your life.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or if there is someone you need to honor, don't wait.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Say the words now.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Tell them what they mean to you while they can hear it, because someday you may be very thankful you did.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, family moments do not have to be perfect to be priceless.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: They just have to be real.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone in your family.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe this is the little nudge that starts a phone call, a dinner, a visit, or even a reunion.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't yet, follow or subscribe to Amazing Life Breakthrough so you don't miss the next episode.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to help support this mission financially, you can make a small donation at AmazingLifebreakthrough.com.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Every bit helps us keep these messages going and helps someone else hear the breakthrough they needed right on time.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending this time with me on Amazing Life Breakthrough.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And remember to live life to the fullest of the time.