Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / November 12, 2019 | Expresso - Keyera Patrick

Transcript

November 12, 2019 | Expresso - Keyera Patrick · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, hi, my name is Kiera.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I've gone to TBC about 17 years now and attended Espresso for many years.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Funny thing about being here to share is that when Connie asked me to come share at Expresso, I had literally just talked with the girls in my small group about writing out a timeline of your life, starting at where you are now, where you picture yourself in five to ten years from now, too.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: The funny thing is, Connie messaged me right after that.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I swear she knew exactly what I was asking the girls to do.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: She is always encouraging us to write out our timeline.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure, like many who have stood up here and shared when they sat down to type, tears came to their eyes like mine now.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And no, it's not because it's been a bad life, but because God has been so faithful through it all.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was looking for the funny face, a little bit nervous.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I found it interesting last month's share started with the last time she spoke publicly.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: The last time I publicly spoke was to answer questions for a victims of domestic violence training class offered by the first attorney general's office for all the workers going into that field.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: That was definitely not on my agenda as a child, and I never thought I would end up there as an adult.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll talk more on that later.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, I'm going to rewind back to when I was a baby.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was born October 26, 1990, to Keila Cooper in Des Moines, Iowa.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: My mom was 15 when she had me, and her dad and my dad met in a group home.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: She was in foster care and her mom had been in foster care as well.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: A little side note: three generations of foster care stopped with me.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't know much about her or him, except for the fact that I have other siblings.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Probably not the same dad, though, in that I'm the oldest.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I lived in several different homes due to my mom running away from her group home.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I lived in seven homes before I was seven months old.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I am so thankful for God's hand through it all as I landed at the Patrick's house out in the country, 45 minutes away from Burlington, Iowa.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I really do believe I can remember the first time I was there.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was in a car seat and it I'm already crying.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it seemed dark, and I remembered my mom, Debbie Patrick, talking.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I also remember white carpet at a previous house before that.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: I obviously don't remember anything about my birth mom.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: But funny how the human brain can remember so far back.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: They adopted me when I was three on October 4th, and they changed the spelling of my first name.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I chose my middle name, and I was given their last name.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I am so lucky to have them as a family.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: They had three kids already: Russell, who was 23 at the time, Amos, who was 18, and Abby that was 13.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Amos enjoyed taking me places.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Girls always seem to flock to little kids, which I know that was not the only reason he took me places, though.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And Abby was the best sister I could ask for.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Russ is 20 years older than me, so he was out on his own at that point.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: They had a farm and a huge, there was huge cornfields and woods all around.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: My parents were both hardworking.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Dad for the railroad and mom homeschooled me.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And Ab continued, me and Abby, and continued on with fostering other children.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Growing up in the country, I enjoyed playing outside with animals, sledding down our huge hill in the winter, and riding the four-wheeler around during the summer.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Mom and dad continued to do foster care and adopted Keith.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: He was 13 or 14 when he came and did not last long living at my parents' house.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: He was sent away several times and to several places for help, like boarding school and then to the Air Force when he was 18, but nothing seemed to help.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: When I was eight, Alexis and Alina came to live with us for about four years.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: We still keep in touch with them.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: We had a little girl named Taya Mesa for one year when I was seven as well.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: We homeschooled and had lots of fun with friends from church.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: A few of my favorite memories from the church are the children's Christmas and youth group musicals that they put on.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: They were full of songs and choreography, I'll never forget.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I participated in Iwanas, Babysat at Mops, and the homeschoolers at the church had pastor luncheons, so we got to know the pastor and the staff pretty well.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Working in the kitchen for weddings and funerals and learning to make coleslaw are all favorite memories as well.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Mom was a homeschool supervisor for Iowa, and we drove all over Iowa to several homeschooling families for her to look over their work to make sure they were getting done what they needed to get done.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I love meeting all the different families and getting to see all the different places people lived.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Some in the country, some in town, some with one child and some with several, some Christian and some not.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: As I think about it now, I find it interesting that I still get to spend lots of time in different people's houses with my cleaning business.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: At around age 10, I got cat scratch fever.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: A cat had scratched me and I rubbed my eye.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I woke up very early with a fever and no eyesight in my right eye.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: They rushed me to Iowa City, and the hospital had no clue what was going on.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: They flew in doctors from around the United States to try to figure it out.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: One doctor went down a list of things that my family could have.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: My mom answered no to all of them, that I didn't have them, and after he left the room, I realized that due to my adoption, none of those answers we really knew.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: She had forgotten I was adopted, and that really shows me that she thought of me as a real daughter.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I love your laughing.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it was funny when I was writing it.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, maybe they won't think it's so funny.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: My biggest injury after that was that I broke my growth plate at a softball practice.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was a huge tomboy and would still try to outrun the boys on my crutches.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I guess I should check my papers before I come and stand.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's important.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, you guys.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is like to think I have it all together.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need a funny face.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: I need my papers in order.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I guess it just decided to edit out what I was going to say.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: So basically after that, we moved here with the railroad when I was about 12.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And right when we moved, some things started re resurfacing that I didn't realize, I had completely forgotten about at that point.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when I was moving, I realized when I'm thinking back on it, that things happened, things were happening before we moved, that wasn't necessarily the move that triggered it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I remember my friend came with us for just a week.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: That probably was not the best to have at the time.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Moving does uh bring forgotten things to a head, though, especially in adolescence.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sexual abuse from Keith, other sexual abuse, and my time before adoption came at me hard.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I told my parents shortly after we moved about my brother and his sexual abuse and the shame behind it was horrible.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: We were in the car and I was embarrassed when I told them.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: I immediately went into the bathroom when we got to my sister's house and sat in the dark.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know how to deal with it because it was so embarrassing.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like Satan's really trying to mess with me because this is all messed up on here.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that weird?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: The sexual abuse that happened was not due to the neglect, but people taking advantage of schedules and situations.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was twelve and I struggled with depression, taking to goth and black everything.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I struggled with cutting myself and was just a wreck.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: At the same time, I was still doing fun things and had a life outside of the darkness of my room.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I know I was toxic to myself at that point, just suffocating myself in my room with my demons in my past.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: My parents did a good job of trying to accept me, and yes, I did take my mom to Hot Topic to show her a pair of baggy black jeans with pink chains I wanted so bad.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: My poor mom.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I know I was not what she expected.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: They had to get me help from a psychiatrist here in Topeka and was diagnosed with PTSD and clinical depression.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I remember being super immature about the whole thing.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: To invest in my life like that was strictly out of love for me, and as I look back at my actions during this time, we were just joining Cornerstone and I was in TBC Mill School, so I was still finding some little balance of light.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Katrina Bilsma became my mentor in 10th grade and really planted some seeds of who God is and what being a Christian really looks like.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: To her, she found freedom in it and not the chain Satan was lying to me about.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: My parents dealt with a lot of problems I called but per caused but persevered through it all.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: I really wasn't focused in middle school and high school, but I still made tons of memories with CFS and church.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: I went on a missions trip to Guatemala.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: I went to DCLA in Washington, D.C.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: with TBC.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I participated in sports yearbook classes and Spanish and Science, Bible quizzing and speech and debate.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: I graduated in, I believe, one of the biggest classes in Cornerstone in 2008.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I completed seventh and eighth grade in a year, so I graduated a year early.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: My mom worked really hard and helped me succeed academically.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I would not have learned or had all the opportunities if it wasn't for her.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I looked back at all the fun field trips we went on, one being a clock shop in a little house in Iowa.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: She really went above and beyond reading to me hours and hours and not giving up on me kindergarten through 12th.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when I was in when I was 17, I moved into the dorms at Washburn University and fell off the wagon again.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: I struggled with making friends who make good choices and being around safe company.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I met Lloyd, my kid's dad, after that college attempt, and was robbed and robbed at gunpoint shortly after.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: The guy put a gun to my head and I was already unstable in life.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was working alone at a check in the cash when it happened, and I just didn't recover well after that.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: I quit my job the next day back and really struggled with my identity and self-work worth.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: They hadn't been giving me any time off at the job, and I received one unpaid day off and then expected to return.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: I felt worthless by the way they treated me.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Lloyd was struggling with his own problems, and we moved forward in our relationship with all of it.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: We moved in together for multiple reasons in 2010.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Things turned bad the weekend we moved.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: He immediately turned abusive.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was one of the hardest things to go through.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: I found out afterwards that sometimes the brain doesn't process what it can't handle.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: It dismisses it as a way of protecting it.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Family and friends watched me go back to him over and over again.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure many people really can't understand why you would choose to stay in that situation.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: I had friends question my ability to make good choices and ultimately walk away from me during that period of time.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: We had Mia and Levi and Savannah over the next nine years.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: When I was pregnant with Mia, I started changing, and with each pregnancy I grew closer to Father God.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: God knew I needed three littles to straighten me up.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: All the verses I had memorized over the years would come to mind.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Even with everything going on, I kept coming to TBC.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Pastor Jim's sermons always hit home, and God put people in my life to help me grow closer to him.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Christian music and Bible studies are so important when you're going through trials and tribulations.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: During the time together, Lloyd received multiple domestic violence charges, even like it even led up to a felony.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And even with all the help through the court systems from it, he still decided to continue down this path of drugs and alcohol.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that was just a small 1% I ever reported it, reported him for.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: It was extremely hard to turn someone in when you know they could go to jail for years.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to understand why you would love somebody who's hurting you.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of the most devastating things to be pressured into testifying against someone you love, and then that person rubbing your face in it for doing it.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or if I didn't, that was another reason to make fun of me and tear me down.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: In the last two years of our relationship, a few things happened that stick out the most, be the most helpful.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: First thing was due to our connection with Family Peace Initiative.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was invited to speak to a group of people training to help victims of domestic violence for places like the YWCA.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: I felt so important that day, like I had a meeting, and that was and that I was going to help others.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: That what I said mattered and that no one would ever doubt me or not take me seriously.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: I will never forget that day, and yes, I was offering very vulnerable information, but God was right there with me holding my hand.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Too many women need help for me to be embarrassed by the fact that I was in an extremely abusive relationship and doing nothing about it.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: My second standout moment was when a friend left a box of us-born books and gift card for$50 at my door.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: I just sat on the couch and with it and cried because I felt like I truly mattered to someone.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: I also had another friend send me a hundred for Christmas.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: These were all acts by people that weren't super close to me at the time, and they had no reason to, but chose to give, and that really made a huge difference in the way I saw myself.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: I encourage you that if you ever see or hear somebody in an abusive relationship, that you'll reach out silently to help.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's a gift card with a special note, with a book for your kit for their kids, or a Christmas card with some cash.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Material things and money aren't everything, but bit but gifts can go a long way.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Further than you'll ever know.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: My parents planted seeds in my life that got me through that almost decade.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Seeds of scripture and hymns.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Treating each other with kindness and respect, practicing self-control, and making God's word the center of everything.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: That church is important and participating in church functions like Bible study is very important.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: They also taught me about what's bad and not right.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really not sure that Lloyd was ever taught those things.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: The kids and I are no longer in that situation.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: We left the end of July 2008.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't tell myself myself I should have left sooner.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: I know that that was the right time.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: The kids now go to care parallel.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Something very new to us, but we love it.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Mia had been homeschooled up till this year and is really doing well in the school environment.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Levi is in kindergarten and Savannah is in preschool.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: I run a cleaning business which is hard but rewarding, and I've made many friends from it.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And one of them is here tonight to share a song that she wrote.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's amazing, and I'm so glad to have her here.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want to share with you a few of my favorite verses that always came to my mind before Emily comes up here.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: The first one is Hebrews 12 1.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: The second one is Romans 8 17.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if we are children, then we are hares and hares of God and coheres with Christ, if indeed we share in the suffering in order that we may also share in his glory.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And the last, Romans 5 8.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: But God demonstrates his own love for us while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for bearing with me, you guys.