Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What is a narcissist's ATTACHMENT STYLE?

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What is a narcissist's ATTACHMENT STYLE? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about a narcissist attachment
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  style and how they can morph into different attachment styles
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  to fit the person that they are pursuing or the person that they
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  are with. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Go.
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  Welcome back folks. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Yeah, welcome back.
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  I said welcome batch. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. The attachment style of a
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  narcissist or toxic person. So I'm new to attachment theory,
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  right? I'm new to it and I'm reading
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  the there's a book called Attached.
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  I'm reading it right now and I've been learning.
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  I've got so many Nuggets from this book that I'm reading so
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  far. It's called Attached.
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  It's by who is it by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
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  This is what the cover looks like right there y'all.
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  So y'all want to check it out? This is what I'm reading right
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  now. Amazing book so far.
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  And y'all know there's three main attachment styles from what
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  I've understood so far. A secure, avoidant and anxious.
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  And I bet y'all can get you. If you have any idea about
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  attachment theory, you know what most narcissists are going to be
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  most narcissists and toxic people, narcissistic people,
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  whatever you want to say are going to have a form of the
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  avoidant attachment style. Narcissists are inherently going
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  to be avoiding people like there's like avoidance and this
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  is going to confuse a lot of people sometimes because
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  avoidance look like narcissists like the traits of an avoidant
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  person, avoidant attachment style or damn near match the
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  traits of narcissism. Emotional detachment and
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  ambivalence towards intimacy. Feeling uncomfortable with
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  closeness, suppressing emotions, avoiding eye contact, highly
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  independent feeling out of control, dismissive, dismissing
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  relationship problems, independence, like all that type
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  of stuff right there. And it says 15 more repeatedly
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  sabotaging relationships, repulsed or wary of intimacy,
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  abandoned, you know, difficulty expressing needs, resisting
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  vulnerability. It like that sounds like a
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  narcissist, doesn't it? You know, so I will I'm I'm
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  going on a limb here and say this right here.
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  I feel like all of most narcissists tend to be having
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  avoided attachment style, but not all people.
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  But avoiding attachments are narcissists, right?
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  Narcissists. I feel like the biggest
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  difference is that narcissists come from a place of ill intent,
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  right? They're going to be avoided, but
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  they're going to be manipulative with it.
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  You know what I mean? Avoiding like narcissists,
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  They're looking for people, but I feel like there is an I'll
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  intent behind it, the intentions behind the actions or their
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  people would have avoided attachment style, might want
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  emotional closeness, but they have this avoided attachment
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  style. It makes them push people away.
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  The I feel like the biggest difference is the intent behind
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  it. Narcissists a lot of times are
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  intentionally manipulative. They hurt people.
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  They just cause so much destruction in that pathway.
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  They use it right. They use it so much.
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  And this is the thing that I will tell you about about
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  narcissists as well, is that they can morph.
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  I feel like narcissists have become ingenious and morphing
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  and disguising their attachment, their avoiding attachment style.
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  Like when you first meet a narcissist and you might have
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  experience in the avoided attachment theory, attachment
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  theory, right? You might have experience in
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  that field. But when you meet a narcissist
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  and you're dealing with this personality type, they will
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  match you. They mirror you.
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  Not only do they mirror and model you, they take they, they
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  become who they need to become. And that can include your
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  attachment theory or your attachment style or somebody or
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  becoming somebody that you are that you are attracted to.
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  They can match your attachment style or turn their
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  personalities or their attachment style into something
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  that you're attracted to, right? They can morph, they can model a
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  narcissist can come off as as having an anxious attachment
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  style, right? But then in all actuality,
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  they're avoiding and being manipulative.
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  They can come off and pretend to be secure.
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  That's what I feel like. That's what narcissists tend to
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  mask as they tend to mask as having a secure attachment style
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  because you, you get a lot of narcissists, right that are
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  super egotistical. And I know, I know egotistical
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  people don't necessarily have to be avoidance and narcissist,
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  right? But you can get a narcissist
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  that appears to be super egotistical and just secure in
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  their masculinity, masculinity or femininity, femininity or
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  anything. They feel like they're just,
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  they're comfortable with boundaries.
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  They can be comfortable with this.
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  They tell you what you want to hear.
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  They make you feel secure in your, in your, in your own
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  being, But then all of a sudden they switch up and start
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  backpedaling. The closer you get to them, the
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  further they push you away. The closer you get to them, the
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  further they push you away. But like I said before, they
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  grab, it's like they grabbing you by the collar.
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  So they don't, they don't fully let you go.
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  Like they'll push you away, but they'll keep you around and
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  satisfy some type of need or urges that they do have, right?
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  That's what I feel like narcissists do They morph, they
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  mold their attachment, attachment style to match or
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  attract other people. You know, I feel like I, I just
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  looking at attachment there. I do have some anxious
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  attachment traits, but I'm avoiding and it's hell.
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  I'm manipulative. I'm like a fighter.
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  You see what I'm saying? I, I pushed people away for a
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  very long time. I still do it nowadays, but not
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  to the, the level of what I used to be, right, Because I've been
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  in therapy for seven years working on myself.
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  So I don't do it to the level that I used to, but I'm
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  absolutely still avoiding, right?
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  My wife has an anxious attachment style and anxious and
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  avoidance tend to attract each other just like guess what?
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  Narcissist and impasse I think. I think.
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  I think a lot of highly empathetic or highly sensitive
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  people would fall into the category of having some form of
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  an anxious attachment style and reading this book.
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  A lot of anxious people end up or are attracted to avoiding
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  people, right? Because it's like you go in, you
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  go into deep what anxious people are looking for.
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  They look at they, they are highly, highly empathetic.
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  They have, you know, highly emotional people like that.
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  Maybe not highly emotional, but you tend to try to be more in
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  tune with your emotional state and you attach to people very
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  quickly. You won't love, you're pursuing
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  love. You feel a lot of codependent
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  people have an anxious attachment style as well.
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  You feel like you need other people to to make your life
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  work. You want this love or whatever.
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  But narcissistic people, they seem like they want to give you
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  what you that you what you want and need, but they're also
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  fulfilling your the other part of the anxious attachment,
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  right? They're fulfilling the need and
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  they make you feel like they're pushing you away.
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  Just like you think you think you're not a good enough,
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  they're pushing you away. They they push you away like
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  it's kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy.
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  This person drew you in, made you feel comfortable and your
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  biggest fear is being pushed away.
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  And now they're pushing away. So you knew that people push you
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  away. You feel like you're not good
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  enough. But guess what?
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  You're going to make this one work.
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  So you're fighting harder to get this person back into your life.
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  You're fighting harder to to try to get this person to love you
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  and treat you like they did in the beginning.
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  Because at the beginning they showed you or they pretended to
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  be secure, they pretended to be a have a lot of, you know,
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  emotional balance and things like that.
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  But in all actuality, they did not, they didn't possess these
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  actual traits. They pretended to possess these
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  traits to suck you in, to lure you in, to love bomb you, to
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  manipulate you and to get you in the state that you're in right
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  now, right? It's a it can be a very messy
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  thing dealing with narcissistic people with their malleable
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  attachment style, with their malleable personality dynamics,
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  with their malleable emotional states.
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  That's what I'm just saying. Like if y'all get into
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  attachment theory, it can. It can help you out a lot
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  though. I feel like understanding your
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  attachment style can help you heal from narcissistic people
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  and it can help you pursue actual people that are secure in
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  their attachment style. If you're not in a relationship,
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  if you're not in a relationship, if you're back out there on the
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  market now, if you're on the market, there are certain things
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  in this book right here. You may not no, if you're not on
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  the market, if you're currently in a relationship with you feel
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  like, with what you feel like might be a narcissist or some or
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  someone with an avoided attachment style.
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  There are certain things that they talk about in the book that
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  you can try to see if that's the type of person that you're
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  dealing with and you can understand your, If you just
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  understand your attachment style and the attachment style of the
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  other person, it can help you in a, With a healthy minded person,
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  understanding attachment styles can make, make the relationship
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  work better. But with a narcissist,
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  understanding attachment styles won't make the relationship
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  better because they will still continue to push you away.
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  They will still continue to not work on themselves.
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  They will still continue to manipulate you and gaslight you
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  and to do the things they feel like is necessary.
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  This is what narcissistic people do.
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  Like this is what they tend to do.
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  This is what they, I understand they enjoy doing it, but this is
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  part of the process of dealing with an emotionally abusive
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  person. This is what narcissistic people
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  tend to do, you know, and I hate, I hate, I say I hate doing
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  some of these videos sometimes because some people, let's say,
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  because I'm still learning, right?
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  I'm still learning about attachment theory.
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  And the more I learn, the more videos I will do on it, right?
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  I'm going to do more videos on I'm going to understand it more,
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  but I just had to get this video out there because of the stuff
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  that I was learning. I was like, I'm learning a lot,
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  you know what I mean? I was learning so much, like I'm
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  learning so much right now. This is amazing.
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  But because I haven't avoided an attachment style and
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  understanding that his help kind of breakthrough my own personal
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  barriers and whatnot, my own emotional barriers, my own stuff
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  right there. So understanding your own
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  attachment style can help you break free of a narcissistic
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  person or attached relationship and to help you move forward and
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  to help you heal as well. Because once you understand,
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  like now I'm anxiously attached, what do I need to do to break
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  this attachment? What do I need to do to be more
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  secure in myself and to break free of this person who is an
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  avoidant and who will never give me the love that I'm pursuing?
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  Like they can't, It's not that they want to like they can't.
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  They can't. They give you everything that
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  they have and you're pursuing more thinking that they thinking
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  that they have more because in the beginning they showed, they
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  showed you that they have the ability to be secure.
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  They showed you that they have the ability to do this and they
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  do that. You know, actuality, they don't
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  really have that ability. You see what I'm saying?
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  It's a growing process y'all. And as I'll read this book and
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  learn more about it, I'm going to start doing more videos on it
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  as well because I feel like narcissistic people definitely
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  do have an avoiding attachment like myself.
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  I do I, I absolutely do y'all. But anyways, y'all, they have
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  making it this far. I appreciate y'all.
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  Leave some likes and comments and leave some leave your
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  thoughts in the comment section and whatnot.
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  And it's always y'all. Mental illness is out.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea?
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  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
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  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse to
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  another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.