Latest / Authentic Living / Working to Keep Joy Alive Through Our 2nd COVID Holiday Season with Sue Lymburner

Transcript

Working to Keep Joy Alive Through Our 2nd COVID Holiday Season with Sue Lymburner · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
• 0:08
  things that really matter in our lives.
• 0:11
  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:35
  Everyone.
• 0:36
  It's, Roxanne Dorkhat.
• 0:37
  I'm authentically being with Roxanne.
• 0:38
  Thanks for tuning in again this week.
• 0:41
  Today, I have a dear friend, a Sue Limberger with us, and I always screw up her last name.
• 0:45
  I think it's something that you wanna die.
• 0:48
  We'll probably discuss for a very long time.
• 0:52
  You said it.
• 0:53
  I'm pretty sure she said it wrong.
• 0:55
  I did.
• 0:55
  I said Lingberger.
• 0:56
  It's Lynn Burger, and I there's there's some mental block with that.
• 1:00
  I don't know.
• 1:01
  And we've had this joke over the years.
• 1:03
  So, soon I've, started working, together quite a while back and, and she's a specialist, in,
• 1:13
  with trauma.
• 1:14
  So she con continues to work, I would say predominantly with trauma.
• 1:19
  And, issues related to any kind of traumatic events that you may be experiencing in your
• 1:24
  life.
• 1:24
  Sue's been on the show before, and we had fantastic feedback or about her time with us.
• 1:30
  So we thought we would do I'm gonna call it a Christmas season edition because last year when
• 1:36
  we did it, we talked a lot about what people are experiencing over over Christmas.
• 1:41
  So, Sue, thanks a lot again for coming on to spend some time with us.
• 1:45
  So let's let's talk a little bit about, kind of what you're seeing with people, or have been
• 1:53
  seeing it, let's say, in the last say 3, 4, 6 months with most of the clients that you're
• 1:58
  seeing?
• 1:58
  What are some of the things that people are coming forward with?
• 2:02
  Now that we've kind of been into this kind of space for almost, I would say it's almost like
• 2:07
  18 months, 20 months,
• 2:09
  you know, as you know, I'm not too sure exactly where all your listeners are from, but it being
• 2:14
  in Ontario, we had numerous lockdowns where we weren't allowed to see anybody in person or get
• 2:19
  together in person.
• 2:20
  So we were doing a lot of video, sessions.
• 2:23
  I was doing only video sessions for the longest time.
• 2:26
  And it really feels like the last 6 months since we've opened up, I have been bombarded
• 2:32
  with a, you know, people that were waiting I think to be able to see somebody in person.
• 2:37
  I think people kind of holding on tight during this journey thinking they can get through it,
• 2:44
  and then it'll be over soon.
• 2:45
  And it just feels like a real flood of people that have, held on really well, done really
• 2:51
  well, but it's just becoming too much.
• 2:54
  So, you know, any any any other, as we all know, regardless of a pandemic, we're dealing
• 3:01
  with life and so I've really noticed an increase in requests, and I've noticed an
• 3:08
  increase in people coming to speak to me, not just about what's going on for them or maybe
• 3:15
  their past, you know, traumas, but also a lot more direct correlation to the pandemic,
• 3:22
  really, really a lot more, you know, losing a sense of help, the anxiety seems to be through
• 3:29
  the roof, especially for younger people, you know, who may not have had enough opportunity
• 3:35
  in life experience to understand the the waves of life who really are, you know, afraid to
• 3:41
  trust that things are gonna be okay, expecting things to go back, go sideways, you know, as it
• 3:49
  has on and off for a year and a half.
• 3:52
  You know, it's been pretty intense, the the changes and the fear.
• 3:56
  And so I would really say, you know, an increase, and I think that seems to be pretty
• 4:02
  common for many therapists.
• 4:06
  You
• 4:06
  know, when people are reaching out, they're hearing that there's weightless, or I wonder
• 4:11
  sometimes too if just therapists, you know, being tired themselves.
• 4:16
  That's another thing.
• 4:17
  Right?
• 4:18
  That's very and it's it's
• 4:21
  Absolutely.
• 4:21
  Absolutely.
• 4:22
  I mean, because, obviously, there are people too, and they've been like anybody else kind of
• 4:29
  maybe not critically at the front lines like we would say, like people with some of the
• 4:33
  hospitals or whatever, but really, have worked throughout the pandemic seeing people because,
• 4:40
  you know, like with your, caseload and stuff like that, if you have critical people, there's
• 4:45
  no way you can just kind of put a pause in it you go online, which is less than ideal
• 4:50
  sometimes, but you kept you kept seeing people.
• 4:53
  So I I think 2 things that I I think I've heard a lot from other therapists, and you're just
• 4:58
  with myself as well, is that, a lot of people are feeling a lot more anxious.
• 5:05
  You know, people that were having anxiety before, and we're maybe potentially managing,
• 5:10
  but now it's almost like it's times 10 where they're kind of, flooded ongoing.
• 5:17
  They're functioning, but they're functioning enough just to get through a day.
• 5:20
  And then there a lot of people are talking about having crashes or more, panic attacks I I
• 5:28
  don't know if that's something that you're finding a a bit more with the people that
• 5:31
  you're seeing.
• 5:33
  Yeah.
• 5:33
  Certainly more anxiety.
• 5:35
  And I think you know, just exhaustion and being overwhelmed because regardless of what the job
• 5:40
  it it is that you're dealing.
• 5:41
  And I think we can identify that some jobs you know, there's been more, direct impact on
• 5:47
  restrictions and their work environment, but there's no work environment that hasn't been
• 5:52
  affected.
• 5:53
  So, you know, not only are we just doing the job that we have to do wherever that may be,
• 5:58
  we're also now dealing with, you know, all the restrictions and the changes there, the fear
• 6:05
  that, you know, that's instilled, and then also our regular lives.
• 6:09
  You know, what's going on for your own family, your extended family, you know, with this this
• 6:14
  pandemic and the issues around that, you know, if we were to talk about the holidays and just
• 6:20
  get togethers.
• 6:21
  And if you have families that, you know, have differences of opinions, that's still going on.
• 6:27
  The the one thing I it just made me think of.
• 6:29
  I went into a store last week, and I saw a sign, and it said, I can't recall.
• 6:34
  I'm just it's just coming to my mind right now, but something along the lines of, you know,
• 6:40
  being rude to our staff will not be tolerated.
• 6:44
  Something along those lines.
• 6:45
  And I just thought, my gosh.
• 6:47
  You know, to think that you have to, you know, highlights what would just be, of course, you
• 6:54
  we we you know, we're not supposed to be treating people badly, but I think people are
• 6:59
  sure People are frustrated.
• 7:01
  You know, you're getting my groceries yesterday.
• 7:03
  You know, you have to wait till the person in front of you has loaded all their stuff up, and
• 7:08
  the person before me had was doing a shop looks like for the month, and just those little
• 7:14
  things.
• 7:15
  And you know, so that the person that has to say no, you know, to me, I wonder what happens
• 7:23
  with all the other people.
• 7:25
  How they're responding to it.
• 7:26
  We're tired, we're frustrated, we're stressed, and just that ripple effect that's happening, I
• 7:32
  think.
• 7:33
  So I think I think you're so right.
• 7:34
  I mean, you know, a lot of people are talking about, you know, things are doing things kind
• 7:39
  of wrote.
• 7:40
  They're getting through it, but, like, that tiredness, like, wanting the year to kind of be
• 7:44
  done.
• 7:45
  It's kinda like it's kinda like that, you know, everybody keeps saying kind of the new normal
• 7:50
  this new plateau that supposedly we've gotten to, but really, it's it's we're still in a flux
• 7:58
  because we're now not at a complete lockdown, obviously, but we're still kind of fearful,
• 8:05
  like you said, whether you're going, you know, and sometimes I forget when I go out to the the
• 8:09
  sports as well soon, I'm like, oh, you know, like, I might maybe thinking about getting a
• 8:13
  little bit closer, and then you you feel the the reaction of the person that you get close
• 8:18
  to, and then you realize, oh my goodness.
• 8:20
  I just kinda broke up, I would say, a social norm now.
• 8:23
  Oh, am I what what's that person doing?
• 8:24
  And then it kicks in that, in fact, I've kind of broken that, you know, invisible rule about
• 8:29
  the social distancing.
• 8:31
  And then at first, I'm put off, but then I think, oh my goodness.
• 8:33
  Like, that's kind of how we all really had to live for a very long time.
• 8:40
  And supposedly we're not unlocked them, but now we're where are we?
• 8:45
  Right?
• 8:45
  Well, and I think people will and, yeah, just I was thinking at the grocery store, the lines.
• 8:50
  Right?
• 8:51
  You know, there's arrows which way to go.
• 8:54
  And it's interesting.
• 8:55
  You know, I it's it's when you think of it in a day of an of a quote typical day, you know,
• 9:01
  there's a lot involved in having to carry that.
• 9:04
  Right?
• 9:04
  The stress of doing it right.
• 9:06
  The stress of not getting it right.
• 9:07
  How are you gonna be perceived?
• 9:09
  Even just how you feel about it.
• 9:10
  That's a lot that gets added into just something that we added on to what we have to
• 9:15
  get done.
• 9:17
  But I will say, you know, the the it's not just what's happening now.
• 9:21
  It's what's going to happen next.
• 9:22
  Is it coming?
• 9:23
  Is it not coming?
• 9:24
  How can I plan?
• 9:25
  How can I And I see that with a lot of clients, this not having control?
• 9:31
  And and maybe questioning, you know, people that I think are have lived their lives by
• 9:36
  being rule followers, you know, really feel, you know, really feel quite committed to doing
• 9:44
  the right thing are really struggling when some of these rules that are ever changing aren't
• 9:51
  always making sense and then caught in that place.
• 9:54
  Right?
• 9:55
  Do I, you know, I I have to do something because I'm supposed to, but I I don't really
• 10:00
  understand it.
• 10:01
  It's not making sense to me.
• 10:03
  And so I think, yeah, all these little things are creating a really tired society.
• 10:10
  I think we're tired.
• 10:12
  Absolutely.
• 10:13
  And, you know, as you and I sit across from each other on on Zoom, for people listening,
• 10:18
  And, you know, so many much of our days now are, focusing on kind of, you know, I'm seeing
• 10:27
  part of your head and trying to read your cues and, you know, I I don't know exact part of the
• 10:32
  brain, but they're talking about that whole concept of zoom boutique that I don't have the
• 10:36
  whole all of you to read nuances.
• 10:39
  I can do your intonation of your voice, but still, I'm not seeing your body and how it
• 10:43
  presents.
• 10:44
  So we're there's certain parts of the brain that we're actually over functioning because
• 10:48
  we're having limited capacity to read what's on the screen.
• 10:51
  So that, again, too plays into that tiredness and how many of us are if you're seeing if
• 10:56
  you're working full time, you know, between meetings or, you know, sessions online, all
• 11:03
  those things, you know, so that depletion over and above that the tiredness of physically
• 11:09
  going to work is different from, I think, the mental that we're using, you know, that we're
• 11:14
  needing to focus in on on the computer.
• 11:17
  Yeah.
• 11:17
  Definitely.
• 11:18
  And then just to follow everything else that has to get done in a day.
• 11:22
  Right?
• 11:25
  Of of carrying the responsibility or the weight of that or the worry of that.
• 11:30
  And I do wonder now that you've mentioned it you know, we're not in three d.
• 11:33
  Right?
• 11:34
  So I wonder we're losing that kind of sensation of, a richness, right?
• 11:40
  You're flat.
• 11:42
  So let's talk a little bit about that because I know you and I, prior to when we were prepping
• 11:47
  to talk.
• 11:48
  I I talked a little bit about some of my experiences with teenagers and, you know,
• 11:55
  developmentally, you you and I know, and I'm sure a lot of people that teenagers, you know,
• 11:59
  it's an awkward stage as it is.
• 12:00
  Right?
• 12:01
  You know, you kinda you're not a kid.
• 12:02
  You're not an adult.
• 12:04
  And that's really when we I often say your practice being awkward.
• 12:09
  So, hopefully, you could come on the other sites with some semblance of what it is to kind
• 12:12
  of test the adult world.
• 12:15
  How have you found, some of the people or the younger adults that you're dealing with in
• 12:21
  reference to connection and communication and what are what are what are the experiencing or
• 12:26
  or reporting around, the kind of that skill development for that stage?
• 12:31
  Yeah.
• 12:31
  Interesting.
• 12:32
  Say in regards to throughout the pandemic, my concern has been significantly, you know, and
• 12:37
  obviously, I'm not working with, well, not obviously, but I don't work with little kids.
• 12:41
  That's a whole other, you know, under the age of twelve, but, you know, developmentally, it's
• 12:46
  a whole other realm of impact I think it's been heartbreaking in regards to working with the
• 12:52
  teenagers.
• 12:53
  As I said, I don't think they have enough life experience to understand that things you know,
• 12:57
  we'll get better.
• 12:58
  Things will change.
• 12:59
  They haven't they haven't lived through that to know that.
• 13:02
  So I think this, you know, and we know the peer influence you know, the connection, that
• 13:08
  socialization, you know, normally pulling away a little bit from your parents.
• 13:14
  It it's just been so compromised doing video school, losing that, you know, like you said,
• 13:21
  that natural rhythm of going through learning how to to get through that awkwardness and
• 13:27
  coming out, it's been, I think, very much compromised and the anxiety you know, has
• 13:34
  really been pretty profound that I've seen and quite heartbreaking.
• 13:40
  It's, you know, one thing I will say is that I I really think it's important for us as much as
• 13:46
  possible if parents of teenagers to really model, you know, as much as we can.
• 13:51
  I I don't wanna blame any parents, you know, but I certainly will say for the parents that
• 13:56
  we're having a harder time, we're more fear it was impacting their jobs, became more stressed,
• 14:02
  maybe more angry or irritated, you know, by this lack of what's happening, I think, you
• 14:08
  know, there's still that modeling that will occur.
• 14:12
  So, you know, parents that were very scared and really trying to maybe follow the rules weren't
• 14:16
  letting their teenager see anybody.
• 14:18
  And so we can understand trying to do the right thing, but I think that lack of socialization,
• 14:24
  then I I think this has happened for all of us is that we've adjusted and adapted to being
• 14:31
  isolated and withdrawing.
• 14:32
  And all the, you know, many teenagers would say it's so much work.
• 14:36
  To try to connect now with my friend.
• 14:39
  Because, you know, where are we gonna be?
• 14:41
  You know, are you vaccinated?
• 14:42
  Are you not vaccinated?
• 14:44
  Your family, you know, our friends, what can we do?
• 14:47
  Where can we go?
• 14:49
  So I would hear that a lot.
• 14:50
  It just felt like it was too much work.
• 14:53
  And then I think what's happened for a lot of us is we've got we've adapted to isolating a
• 14:59
  little bit more And so now it's anxious.
• 15:02
  It creates anxiety to reach out again.
• 15:05
  So, you
• 15:05
  know, it's it's funny to bring that up because I think I'm saying that to you, like, with
• 15:08
  myself, you know, you kinda get accustomed to being you know, you're working.
• 15:13
  Like, you know, we're doing this and you're, you know, getting through your day and
• 15:16
  whatever.
• 15:17
  And then, you know, and then you think, okay.
• 15:18
  Well, I live here.
• 15:20
  I work here, like with myself, and I'm sure a lot of people listening, and then you kinda got
• 15:24
  to the point where you weren't allowed to do things.
• 15:26
  So you kinda got away from some of the basic things.
• 15:30
  And now you have to really I found myself thinking it through, right, to say, oh, I
• 15:36
  should leave the house today because I hadn't left the house for a couple days.
• 15:39
  And me and, you know, me being as extroverted as I am, even that muscle within me has been
• 15:45
  something that I've had to practice again going, oh, I'm going down the falls, which is
• 15:50
  like, you know, 10 minutes.
• 15:51
  No big deal.
• 15:52
  But it's it's even as an adult, you you're getting in that rhythm and that tempo where
• 15:57
  you're kind of getting accustomed to, you know, working at home and everything being at home
• 16:02
  that you really have to, in a way, give yourself a bit of a shove to start just getting
• 16:06
  out to do the basics.
• 16:08
  You obviously we we were getting out to do groceries and stuff like that, but just even,
• 16:13
  you know, to try something again because you can go to a restaurant or you know, to to go
• 16:19
  back to something like a a gym or something like that.
• 16:21
  I think our brains are still in hibernation a bit about the fact that we can start to now go
• 16:27
  out and and try to do some activities we used to again.
• 16:31
  It was the, the catch up effect.
• 16:33
  Right?
• 16:34
  Like, over this 18 months, it's just this buildup of, of changing and adapting and again,
• 16:41
  I think it speaks to us being tired and just kind of exhausted.
• 16:44
  So although, you know, and not just getting out because a lot of people don't from home, but it
• 16:49
  I I really believe strongly it's not just getting out to to do the mundane things, but
• 16:53
  it's where are we making room to have some joy?
• 16:56
  Where are we making room to be excited?
• 16:58
  And, you know, we know, typically, to plan things that takes time.
• 17:03
  It takes a little bit of warm great coordinating it with friends or whoever, you
• 17:07
  know, coordinating with your time and and amongst, you know, other responsibilities.
• 17:13
  And if you have kids you know, I think it's, yeah, how do you make time to find some joy
• 17:18
  again in your life in prioritizing that?
• 17:21
  And I even when you don't really feel like it, it's become easier not to and going into these
• 17:27
  winter months.
• 17:28
  Let's talk a little bit about that because There's two things I wanna focus on.
• 17:33
  You talked about the vaccinated, not vaccinated.
• 17:35
  So let's talk a little bit about the tension that I'd create is creating.
• 17:39
  It's it's a ripple effect.
• 17:40
  If people's families that ripple effect in their, in their, you know, their support
• 17:46
  systems, can't even communities like if people are gonna do.
• 17:49
  So I wanna talk a little bit about what you've been seeing with people, how they're how
• 17:54
  they're kind of managing or mitigating some of those circumstances around am I vaccinated?
• 18:00
  You're not vaccinated, you know, the one person, 22 rows over is or isn't, and what what
• 18:05
  you've been seeing, how people have been coping with that.
• 18:08
  Yeah.
• 18:09
  I think it know, interesting when people started to come in.
• 18:13
  I never asked, but everybody wanted that was how we started our conversation.
• 18:18
  You know, people would say I'm double vaccinated, and I wouldn't respond, because I
• 18:23
  didn't feel I didn't want to I didn't wanna contribute to that.
• 18:28
  You know?
• 18:28
  And it doesn't really matter whether I am or not.
• 18:31
  It's I didn't want to respond to that.
• 18:32
  And I and just interesting, I remember not too long ago for the first time in a year and a
• 18:37
  half, not that it happens a lot, but it happens occasionally.
• 18:41
  Somebody went to shake my hand.
• 18:42
  And I was just like, Like, you know, what what are you doing?
• 18:46
  It it felt and it's not that I was opposed to doing it.
• 18:50
  It was that we've been out of the habit of doing it.
• 18:52
  So that was an interesting, reflection of just unconsciously how we've been adapting.
• 19:00
  I am I I said this to somebody the other day.
• 19:03
  I'm very grateful to be in the position of offering a safe space because I I I had the
• 19:08
  opportunity to talk to somebody months ago that is we we had really polarized, perspectives.
• 19:14
  And my initial thought was, oh, I don't wanna talk to you.
• 19:16
  I don't like I don't agree with what you're saying.
• 19:18
  I don't it's not how I see things.
• 19:21
  Unfortunately, we were able to continue our conversation.
• 19:25
  And that experience was quite profound for me to really recognize my initial reaction was to
• 19:30
  go other.
• 19:32
  Right?
• 19:33
  Me and you.
• 19:34
  You're on the other side.
• 19:37
  Probably, you know, I'm right.
• 19:39
  You're wrong.
• 19:40
  But in this kind of it was a real I really had to feel myself physically, you know, they put
• 19:46
  and and be open at the same time.
• 19:49
  And, you know, I have a respect for how this person experiences what's going on.
• 19:53
  It's different than my own.
• 19:55
  And so I really think through that, it was quite a profound feeling in my body and a real
• 20:00
  wow.
• 20:01
  I I typically, I think how many of us, nope.
• 20:04
  I wanna stay convicted in my belief, and I wanna I wanna seek evidence to prove to myself
• 20:10
  why I'm doing what I'm doing.
• 20:12
  But I think we have to be very, very, very so in my practice, I feel very open to whatever
• 20:17
  people their perspectives, but people are being shamed.
• 20:21
  People are being, you know, either doing the shaming or being shamed for their choices.
• 20:27
  I think it's creating a lot of fear.
• 20:30
  It's creating a lot of, I'm right.
• 20:33
  You're wrong.
• 20:36
  A little bit of an intolerance, you know, and I've said, how do we I think, yeah, I touch
• 20:41
  base.
• 20:41
  I'm doing a wellness presentation this Friday, and I I think there's a lot of stressors going
• 20:46
  on, in that work environment.
• 20:49
  And I, you know, how do we make room to have compassion
• 20:52
  for other another person's perspective.
• 20:55
  This was such a great interview that we decided to turn it into a 2 part series.
• 21:00
  Be sure to tune in next week for part 2 so you don't miss out on the amazing content.
• 21:06
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive
• 21:11
  healthy change.
• 21:13
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
• 21:19
  rocksandirhaj.com/blueprint.
• 21:23
  We'll see you next time.
• 21:24
  An authentic living with Roxanne.