Latest / The Paradyme Shift / Behind The Mask: Leadership, Love, And The Cost Of Carrying It All | Joe Roman E29

Transcript

Behind The Mask: Leadership, Love, And The Cost Of Carrying It All | Joe Roman E29 · The Paradyme Shift

• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: What's up, everybody?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Ryan Garland here, your founder and chairman, your favorite founder and chairman in the whole entire world.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, as you guys know, I'd like to bring on special guests and some of you that have been kind of binge watching and listening to my podcast.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: We have Joe Roman here, which is my videographer and partner in the company.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And this is really important because he typically pulls out all of the emotions out of me.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And he likes to get me to kind of talk from the heart and some of the things that I've experienced and some of the personal side.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: We've gotten a lot of positive feedback recently on, you know, how uh some of the things I personally have been through.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of people in the world just haven't seen that type of um I think commitment to exposing yourself to the world.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's not only filling for my soul and and um healing me to be able to be real with you, but Joe has a unique ability to pull it out.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, when it's nice and quiet at uh 8:30 at night on a Tuesday night.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Is it Tuesday?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Tuesday night.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: So Joe, thanks for joining me, buddy.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate it as always.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, of course.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I think with the our our last mask off podcast, I had said definitely gonna do a part two to this.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I believe that is the number one performing podcast episode we have.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: And even though we've done stuff with Jordan Belford, Rich Summers, which are great podcasters, I think our brand and our vision with growing this company, it's important for the investors, the listeners, and the followers to understand the true self behind you and how you operate, what your mindset is like, personal and business.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm looking forward to diving in into some of these questions I want to pull out of you and get a deeper dive of the nuts and bolts, literally and physically, how you operate, what are some things you've gone through and some of the storytelling that you've recently, you know, came by with your traveling from state to state.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: So looking forward to this and let's let's get this started, baby.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know what's cool is that a lot of people always ask me about you know some of the life, some of my life experiences, they'll see certain like snips on social media and go, man, that really happened.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, a lot of people keep asking me to share more, share more.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I tell people from when someone put a gun to my chest and pulled the trigger and the gun misfired.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, down to the experiences I went in when I was in Mexico.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I've you know, the people TP in my house and like the stories just kind of go nuts, right?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I love being able to share that side of me because it makes me not only more human, but it there is like my life has been wild, you know, and being in in the space that I'm in, private equity, you know, fast paced, money doesn't sleep, that whole nine yards.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is true, man.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: You are going a million miles an hour and you never sleep, really.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like right.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I think uh I know today you're gonna try to do more emotional, kind of some of the personal stuff that I've really gone through, especially certain certain traumas.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's relevant because I think a lot of people just they need to feel like they're not alone.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I want to deliver today.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I know you're gonna ask me questions I have not gone over.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, guys, the way Joe and I work, we never go over a script.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: We literally go from the heart.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we'll sit down and he just starts asking questions.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he's been with me for four years, going on five years, and he's just knows everything about me from my past marriage to my existing marriage to my kids and how I raise them and you know, employees and shifting through the pandemic and all the wonderful and and painful components to my life.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: So he has uh an ability to pull things out of me, and I'm hoping I can add a lot of value and to show you that I'm a normal person and uh I got a big heart and I'm here to love and give, and and I really want to just keep pouring that into people because that you know that's the currency for me.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go, baby.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: What were you just doing right now to get you in the mindset to speak from your heart, speak from the demons you've over overcome over the years, and how do you kind of mitigate that into what you're gonna do and or get through your day?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, very rarely do I have time to like meditate and have some downtime and have some quiet time.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a couple piano acoustic songs that I listen to, and I listen to it when I do all my writing when I'm on the plane, and it's really ironic how music can pull a lot of emotion out of you depending on where you're at.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, so I listen to those few songs and I think of everything, and I've been listening to them for years, so a lot of it really mostly would stem around family and missing my kids and traveling and so forth back in the day.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's more you know, the emotional stuff of everything I have on my plate, whether it's work or family or stuff I'm going through, you know.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: But for me to get into like a real vibe to deliver the message that I want to, you know, through these podcasts or you know, spend time with people and really try to connect with them, I have to try to quiet down the noise.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so that music usually gives me the ability to quiet that down.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: With all the stuff that you've recently gone through from the shift in the company to your personal life, what are some key motivational scriptures, quotes, or things you live by in times that are challenging from both ends, company and personal?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know what's crazy is that I feel like I'm going through a lot right now, but I feel like I've been through worse.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so I always would think, you know, going from my first marriage and to my second marriage, my first marriage, my first divorce was so hard on me.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think when you're going through your first divorce, it's so it feels satanic, feels dirty.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you go to a courtroom and it's just it's filthy, it's nasty, you hear other people's stories, you just it's just not a good family, and people are fighting over kids and using each other for money, and it's just really a dirty feeling, you know.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's embarrassing, especially for me, because you know, I'm so much in the limelight that my reputation and my image is so important, you know.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that was probably the hardest time of my life at that and and also 2008, all at the same time.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I had my accident, 2008, had my first son, you know, all that stuff all in one shot.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it was really hard.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I've learned to have faith no matter what, you'll get through it.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think what happened was is when I found my second wife, I was so intoxicated within love with her that I believed in love again.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I think having faith is important.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, no, scripture, I think it's Proverbs, it you know, it talks about hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it's a tree of life.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that is so important.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, losing hope or losing purpose, you might as well just say goodbye to your life.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, you won't be able to deliver value for anybody that you love if you lose hope.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: So no matter what you're going through, you really need to be able to know and have faith that you'll get through it.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one of the best things for me is having you in my life and having good friends and having a good company.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think the culture really is what's allowing us to continue to push forward and grow and get through hard times.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And what's happening is that we've gotten through so many hard times together, it makes it easier.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: We just know it's the kind of the way it goes.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: The stress is never ends.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: We get kicked in the teeth in life all the time.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not at home or it's kids, illnesses, say like my son's gonna go through, you know, another surgery.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I know it's not gonna be bad, the first one was worse, but you know, it wears on me.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's always it's always another stepping stone for you to say you got through it.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: And even though, like you said, this surgery compared to the last one, which Shane, it's still your son, and you have no control over what goes on with that doctor.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're hoping and praying that they go in with the clear head, everything goes well, but life happens.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, it's those are one extra nuggets in your life that you had to worry about on top of everything else.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like a lot of people live in fear all the time.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And as life kicks you in the teeth, and the older you get, you just continue to live more and more in fear.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Every day, every step you take, you're in fear.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I see it in people's eyes, especially finances, you know.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I get it.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think with Shane, you know what it is, is when we get older, we have more life experience, and so you hear more horror stories, you know.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And social media is kind of exposed so much more in what's going on in the world.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: My father always said it's never changed, it's just through social media, it's like ever you have the ability to expose it more, you know.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I think for me, I just know that the Lord really has control.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: I have to let go at some point.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus, take the wheel, you know.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, I I you know something could happen when Shane's in surgery, goes under, doesn't come up, you know, bleeds out.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: So there's always something, you know, but I can't live in fear.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: But you still have that little thing on your shoulder that makes you worry.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that'll never change.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, what am I to do?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Wake up and worry about him driving to school every day.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like you kind of have to let go, you know.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let's talk about me and you the other day were discussing.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: I believe there's a very popular lawyer, and you were sharing the data on how there's an extra 20% of divorce rate with the families that are just sticking it out for the kids.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Talk on that a little bit.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I I you know, with the things I've gone through, this guy kind of pops up, and I really kind of respect a lot of his insight because he just has a vantage point that most people don't see.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, going through a divorce and and splitting up finances is unbelievably uncomfortable and it sucks and it's really bad.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then you see kids get hurt, you know, and so I naturally follow him because I've just I've lived lived it.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I've experienced kind of a lot of things that he's, you know, explaining on social media.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, he talks about heterole sexual marriage.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you have a 56% divorce rate right now.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then he asked the question, okay, how many people actually stay together for finances because they don't want to, you know, separate assets or they can't, you know, separate because of finances, you know, how many people stay married because of kids, you know, that type of stuff.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: So how many people are really miserable in their relationships and in their marriage?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And he was saying, I that's just say another 20%.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: So you're at 77, 76, 77% of people are miserable in their marriage.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it really does have to go down to if you look at biblically, you know, people were getting married younger, you know, but it was just a different vibe in regards to your loyalty.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And when you get married, you don't get divorced.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's just manifested and grown over the years of, you know, this feminine feminism mute movement and all these things that have kind of gone on, dude.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Men are just kind of getting squashed and destroyed, you know.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I I watch women all the time.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, look, dude, there's so many beautiful women on social media, but like, why would a guy like me or you want to be with a girl that's just literally throwing her body out there?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: That many, that many men, like that, she's losing purity.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So any man that really wants to get married and loves somebody unconditionally does not want that from a woman.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that is clickbait, don't get me wrong.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: I have failed, and I still do.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not there just because they they look good does not mean I'm gonna pursue it.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's not somebody I want to take home to my family.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, you know, and so at the end of the day, I just I feel like the world's just kind of getting worse.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: People are having kids later in life, you know, people aren't having kids at all.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's this stigma of of how bad marriages and divorces really are are becoming, and nobody wants to get married again.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Men are just starting to date simply because they want peace, not because of looks anymore.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: So there are a lot of data out there now saying men are dating because of peace rather than looks.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that is true, especially at my age and all the shit I have on my plate.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to have something kind of in between.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Some girl that's not on social media blowing her body out all over the place, you know, and someone who actually knows how to stay loyal and and isn't looking for validation from the world.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already putting on the best enough.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um this one's gonna be a little bit more deep, but there's a lot of clickbait going on on social media with the aspect and concept of the terms narcissist.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I want you to kind of tell the story about you on a plane and who you sat next to and the data she shared, and you're not necessarily targeting anyone, you just you're topping, you're touching on the topic that you see a lot right now because the way the world is going, the divorce rate, and there is a lot of narcissists in this world, but I think a lot of people are misunderstanding because they're getting and feeding themselves with the wrong information.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's kind of funny because I I saw something else on social media kind of caught my attention.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, she was saying, so basically the backstory is that I was flying home from Miami and I was sitting next to a female and she was older, she was in her 50s, late 50s, and she has been a psychologist pretty much her whole life.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: She went to school for to be in psychology and she dealt with an extreme amount of trauma.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like her focus was trauma.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: She's traveling around the world doing lectures, written books.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we kind of got on that topic of narcissism and kind of just the way the world's moving and how psychology has shifted so much and all this trauma, and everything's everyone's got this pain and all this stuff, right?
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it was really kind of cool because the takeaway that I gained from it was you know, the only real thing that helps people really recover is time.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I've dealt with people that have gone through the worst of the worst from being raped and and human trafficked, and I mean, list it, right?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: That you can imagine.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, Ryan, probably the most undiscussed part of the psychology is, you know, time heals all wounds.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that was really kind of impressive because, you know, when you're going through something at the moment, it's really hard to get through and to kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: So when you are, you know, in the trenches of this, you know, middle of let's say a divorce, or you're going through a breakup, or you have an illness, or you have kids that, you know, don't want to see you, or whatever the case may be, the only real way to get through that is really in time and share and show love and patience and kindness and strength.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I really like that about most of the conversation.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's a lot more in-depth, but that was really pretty neat.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: She did say, you know, a lot of women are, she goes, if you look at 90% of these women that go through divorces or breakups, they're claiming that their boyfriends or husbands were narcissists.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: She said 3% of all men are diagnosed with narcissism.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: She said it's like 30% women with narcissism.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: She said the majority of women are literally turning the books back on the men, saying that men are the worst, men are the ones that are um, you know, the worst ones in the relationship.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And just paint these pictures of these men not being the right type of guy.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, and it was really kind of ironic because of just the nature in which the conversation went.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I was talking to her about like modalities and, you know, do people take uh, you know, mushrooms and do all these other things, you know, that people are really seeking that some of these like more natural modalities.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, look, sometimes it works for people for sure.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: She said, but what it's it's not necessarily the modality that's helping you, it's the it's the camaraderie within the rooms of people that are gathering together.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: She said, You have other people that are all kind of congregating together that have gone through a lot of hard times.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so their compassion and love for each other is just so high at that moment because they're all there for the same reason.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's like going to church.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they say two or more are gathered together, you feel the Holy Spirit more than ever before.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same concept.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's why people love going to church because it's kind of It's a community.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you're you're going through recovery when you go to church.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're recovering from the week, the month, the years, and as you get older, all the things that life has to kick you in the teeth with, right?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: So she was like, she said, some people just become so traumatized as you just look at the world differently and they really cannot get outside of their own way, and really that's fine.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: But she said the really only way to get through pain is time and be around the right people, which is always very difficult.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to gauge that as its own issue, right?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: But she said, really being around your loved ones and keeping your circle small and being quiet and traveling and staying busy and allowing things to kind of settle out, settle down, but also have hope.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Have a mission, have a goal.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: She said, that's my number one focus is I once I kind of hear everybody when they're paying, I give them homework to do.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: I give them something to do, I give them a mission.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: I give them things to read up on and study.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And there's little triggers and little messages and little quotes.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's why on social media, quotes hit so hard for people.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're people are healing by scrolling and watching those quotes.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's true.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: I feel it.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: So she's like, that's really what it comes down to.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's just being able to put people in enough room to be able to speak, get it all out, be in a safe place, and let time go by of enough of that practice will help people heal and move on from whatever pain and trauma they've had.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: What is your take on people and employees, past employees, current employees, or friends, family that are givers and takers?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: And what is the difference in your mind and how do you spot it?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think I have a unique vantage point because I'm ultimately putting a pound of flesh in every relationship that I come across, whether it's a sub giving somebody a chance or an employee.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I can look at a resume and let's let's be honest, it's not worth the paper it's written on.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, people can show well and sell you and wear a mask for a while, but that mask will come down.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think I think the world's missing loyalty a lot.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think the world's becoming more selfish.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about what you do for them.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you look at California law, look how much the employment law has changed, where it's really in favor of the employee over the employer.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Employee employers are getting their asses handed to them all the time, legally.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the way the world's moving, legally, government-wise.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, social media is doing the same thing.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about me, pictures of me, selfies, what I look like, what I got, my, you know, I fall in, I fell into it too.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I think what I'm realizing more and more is that that's standard human nature now.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I gotta weed it out, right?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: I I kind of have that.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to you about it earlier.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: We kind of have a turnover rate.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's 19 to one.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: For every 19 employees I hire, one of them sticks.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like that's like the divorce rate or even the dating rate.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: You kind of, you know, date 20 people before you fend the one that you really want to end up with, right?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of the way it way it goes.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think that's the same thing when it comes to employees.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's the same thing when it comes to friends.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's it's the same thing when it comes to other aspects.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Gyms.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: I go to gyms all the time.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this gym sucks.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, found one.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think I think the world's just becoming more selfish.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think people are forgetting the value and what it's like to give.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, Tony Robbins said it best.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, the real value is in what you give.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: When you are comfortable on who you are, you don't necessarily need people to feed your ego by giving to you.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: What fills you is more fulfilling is by giving to others.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so true.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and because now as a father and as a husband, you know, we kind of die on the sword every day to give.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really where our self-esteem comes from.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: We don't need someone to tell us you're the best, most good looking guy in the world.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: We can hear it once a week or once a month, and we kind of re-you know filled back up our vat our batteries, right?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: We're able to recalibrate when someone gives us, you know, a compliment once a month.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: But you become more selfless, I think, as a man.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think most people, I don't think a lot of people talk about that.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: How selfless men can really be, especially a married man, especially someone that had a broken family and brought, you know, two families together like you, you got a stepson as well.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: You've taken in and treated him just like he's yours.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that selflessness is is becoming less and less in the world, you know.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I think guys like you are not being seen anymore.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: They're not, they don't, the value isn't really where they should actually value it.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your appraisal's low.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not fair.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um and when you have somebody in your life that doesn't really see your value, and they never do until you're gone, it's hard because you're like, honey, I have literally died on the on the sword for you all day, every day.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: I get I'm the horse.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: I get up, I keep running, I keep running, I keep running.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I haven't died yet.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: But based on how you treat me and let me rest and give me peace and let me eat and drink, you know, I will die.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I gotta recalibrate at some level.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I think what's happening is is that you know, the world's missing really where the value is in human nature.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: People are losing the connection with others.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about what you get, the material shit you have.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's no real connection anymore.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: With the reconnection of your mom and where you are at now, how important it is for you to sustain a strong relationship with friends, family, and even if they've either screwed you over in the past, what what drives you to want to get to that point to forgive and break through that even though you don't know the outcome of what it can be?
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: Are they gonna be the same or are they gonna change for the better?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: My father told me that he thinks that the reason why I'm at where I'm at in my life is because I don't have a jealousy gene and I learned how to forgive early.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd have to agree with that.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: When I can tell I haven't forgiven somebody that's done me wrong, I can feel the energy.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: I I wear it, I can tell it's it's crippling.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: The sooner you shed that skin, old skin, normally it's old, somebody did you wrong, uh, you can move on pretty quick.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like it is, it's like when you shed that skin, you have new skin.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's a it's a great feeling.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think with everything that I've been through, man, and and you know, as you know, one of my employees sued me for 14 million bucks, which was so wrongful, and it was hurtful.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: And in fact, what's wild is that I realized how much something like that could actually really affect your company.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, uh a lawsuit from California, an employment lawsuit, it's um it's gnarly.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps me going is now this mind you this was years ago.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: He reached out to me the other day and apologized and said I should have never done it, I wasn't in a good place.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And and I when I answered the phone, I saw him, I was like, I couldn't believe it was his him calling me.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I uh I answered it, I said, okay, we could be friends.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that was how I answered it.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted him to know that it didn't phase me.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here, I'm still going, and I'm going stronger than I've ever been before.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just kind of a masculine, hey, man-to-man, dude, like we're good, but I'm gonna keep my hand on your forehead.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: What's up?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Sure enough, you needed something.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm always the guy that everyone calls.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: You wrong me, but yet I've been approachable enough to be able to call me when shit hits the fan.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's wild how much that's happened.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I've been telling I was telling somebody else this the other day, you know.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'll say it this way.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you were to look at why I've been able to keep my exes, my divorces, in good standing with my good relationships, is because I gave them money.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: When you look at when there's a an ugly divorce, an ugly separation, it's always about money.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: No matter who did who wrong, over time that kind of fades, but it then it really becomes about money and lifestyle.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Since I kept the lifestyle going, I received peace because I don't care about the fucking money and care less about the money.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted something deeper and more purpose.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: So if you care about the money and you're gonna create a fight over money, and I'm so willing to let it go, I got the leg up, dude.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I can shed that skin and move on a whole lot faster when it's all about money.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need it.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: My purpose is the hunt of being a man, doing what I say I'm gonna do, feeling good about myself.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's never been about money, it's about the hunt.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: This business, it's about the hunt.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care about the money, the money will follow.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: But look at my look at the camaraderie within the company.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, dude, this like we have the best journey ever, but it all starts with how we handle ourselves personally, right?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that has been massive for me.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: I thought about it today, Joe.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't think about putting it on a podcast, but I figured, you know what?
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: If I can share one thing that has helped me get through my divorce somewhat seamlessly, is because I was willing to give them more than they're willing to be awarded, or what they would be awarded in court.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: Take all my stuff, I'll start over.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: I've done it before.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: I want you out.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you are gonna be that person that just wants money, here you go, see you later.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because the sooner I hit rock bottom, the faster I bounce back.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody understands that.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: People are missing that.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: All the stories that I hear all the time, these single women and and men, every woman says the same thing.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: My ex is horrible, he doesn't see the kids, doesn't give me money.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's all the same.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: But what if I sat there and looked at you and said, Well, maybe he doesn't want to give you money because you don't let him see the kids?
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: How vindictive are you?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: I've lived it, I know what that's like.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: I see it, I can smell it now.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: I can look into someone's eyes and tell that they don't have the integrity to do what's right.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: They care more about image and they care more about money.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that is really a disgusting part of human nature because they're so selfish that they're willing to hurt others because of that.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what's wild is that's not what life's all about.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: What's life what life is all about is giving.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, what are you gonna what are you gonna wish for on your on your deathbed?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Time with your family.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: You won't care about the money.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's why so many wealthy billionaires, if they don't have a family, what do they do with their money when they're dying?
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: They donate it to a cause.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: They want it to go to something powerful and impactful, they want to make a difference.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, women with cancer, whatever the foundation is, that's what happens.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I just don't understand why people are missing that component.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: But to be honest with you, I stop trying to care about why the world has done that.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason is is because I'm not that person.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's more people the other way than there are like me.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: I say it humbly.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I will say you have to look in and go, well, how did I get here?
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think it has to start in practices, my mind, my disciplines.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: We hear it all the time.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: I give a lot.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you do.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: And and a lot of people take more than what I'm willing to give.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I give more than what people would ever receive from anybody else, for the most part.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, from friends, family, to even your own business.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't look back.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: If someone doesn't if someone doesn't work out or didn't honor what I asked them to do, or whatever the case may be, I I'm able to walk away with a completely different feeling than they will.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're always gonna be upset and mad because the well dried up.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: But let's put it this way Joe, you came from nothing, bro.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: Bree came from nothing.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: All these people came from nothing, and they elevated in the company.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you had a degree, because you're honest, you worked hard.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's why Elon Musk is like, I don't want to hire people with degrees anymore.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's all bullshit.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: And who's who's the first and the last one in to the office?
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: Who's willing to work on the things?
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's eight o'clock at night, bro.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: You and I are sitting here and we're still delivering.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: We ask people, you need to work.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it takes.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: What you say you want something, you say you're in a financial bind, work.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: I can look people in the face and and say, This is all you need to do is put in the work, stay active, have hope, have a mission.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you put in the hours, it works.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing as you know, startup capital with seed capital.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: Someone comes to you and says, Hey, I have this great idea.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you have numbers, okay, these amount of calls, these amount of leads, this amount, it's just it's it's facts, it's data.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can remove the emotion and just put in physical effort and you can convert into income stability, security, peace within your marriage, peace within you as a as a father, as a wife, as a mother, whatever.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand why people do and it's true.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: When you have financial stability, it changes things at home.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's why they 2008 financial crisis, more divorces than ever before.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's because divorces happen more often because of financial hardship than anything else.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, fine.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's chest not checkers in this world, bro.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not here to live this, I'm here to try to enjoy my journey.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: What I care more about is being able to deliver when shit hits the fan.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'd rather have than not than not have, or have it, not need it, and need it, not have it.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: The weight of leadership, what no one tells you about carrying it all, the silent battles behind the scenes when you're the one everyone leans on, but you have no one to lean on yourself.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_01: Now you have me, but I know for a long time you're forty one.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: So What do you feel with that type of statement?
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: The very first thing that comes to mind was the other day I was walking in the backyard on the on that grass with my bare feet.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: And kind of God country connection peace kind of came over me.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think I've settled in knowing that I will always feel alone.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's that concept I always tell you, I've been doing this for 20 years.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can reach out and touch the success.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: I know it, it's there.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's almost probably the more of the brain damage than anything else, right?
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: When you have a team and you're like, guys, do this, try this, whatever, right?
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the some of the teams not really performing.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, gosh, we're guys, we're right there.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's like that whole the guy with the axe, and you know, he's real close to gold and he gives up and turns around.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, if you would have gone a little bit longer, you would have gotten the gold, you know.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I feel.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's the brain damage in most of most of the cases for me.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: So when people don't see that too with me when you're next to me, that hurts.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I've realized that from leadership, you're going to be misunderstood.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you're gonna be a villain all the time.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: You have to fire people.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's the worst feeling in the world.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: To be in my shoes and you take people in in their wing, the the mindset is I know that I'm gonna pay you.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you do what I ask you to do, I know what you're gonna receive in return.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: I hear you, I know what personal battles you're dealing with at home.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you do this, it will be fixed.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: Not because I'm trying to control you.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: I live it, I walk, breathe, and sleep it.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: I that's what I've done my whole life is chase security.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I've provided security not only for myself, but for a lot of other people.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's the value for me.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: But when I bring somebody in and I'm willing to pay them money in return for them to learn, they're not coming in necessarily with a background in this.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's number one thing to stay focused on.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: Be humble when people come in and go, Well, I want to be a part of paradigm because I want to have what you have.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but if you don't have a you don't have a track record, be a little more humble coming in and know that I'm paying you to teach you.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have any background in it.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm rolling the dice more.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: And really, if you don't have a background in private equity, you don't understand the culture.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: The Wall Street waking up in the morning, you're going a million miles an hour, right?
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: That like money doesn't sleep.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is a completely different game than being a cop and being a firefighter or being a nurse.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like that has its own, you know, nightmares.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: Everything has its own culture.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: The reality is, is our culture is never shut down.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you're going to be successful, you don't shut down.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't look backwards, you only move forward.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: You have a mission, and by all means, you're going to accomplish that mission.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: You have to go in this with this pit bull mindset, man.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't, you're going to fail in private equity in the capital markets, depending on what you're trying to do.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: The world's burning every which way you turn.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: The market, politics, interest rates, real estate, whatever.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, crypto, stocks, I mean, dude, everything's burning.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: How do people survive?
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's because they're willing, they're nimble, they shift and they make it happen.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: So when you bring people in, you're trying to teach them a culture.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't come in and they don't perform what you've given them the blueprint to life, you look at them and go, I say it with love, but you're so dumb.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because you, I'm literally giving you the blueprint, which everybody wants.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like when you go to church and you're going through a hard time, what do you turn to?
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: The Bible.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's your blueprint.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you have faith in the blueprint.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: You have financial hardship.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're just, in essence, render to Caesar, which is Caesar.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: You're on this world.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: You got to play the cards of this world.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: Here is the blueprint on how to survive and make a living.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're under my wing now.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: Put that bulletproof vest.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: You got me, I have your back.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: But when I when I say do this, this, this, and this, and you don't do it, you're really just hurting yourself.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: I can move on.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now, of course, I've invested a lot into you, but I could have invested in somebody else that would have actually given me effort that cares enough.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's the people that haven't been humbled enough yet.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be so broken that you're willing to listen and do it.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've been there.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: I went to my mentor.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: I had$10 in my bank account.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I think I was like negative$10 at this point.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: My men, I will go to my father.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is in 2008.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: I literally have no money.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: I moved back into my father's house and I said, Dad, this guy that has a big$300 million construction fund in Orange County that funded the first$100 million for the Irvine Company is asking me to come under his wing.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: I want to go meet this guy.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: He's got he eliminated all of his loan officers.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: I can learn so much from this guy.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: I need 20 bucks for fuel.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: And he gave me 20 bucks for fuel.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: Damn.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so broken, dude.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, broken.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was working out in the backyard.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had out the weights were all rusted iron because it was out in the rain and they were, gosh, dude, 30 years old.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: Is that when Shane was on your chest?
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, doing bench pressing.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, back in 2010, I was bench pressing three plates.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: So that, and look at, dude, do you see the stands that you can just fold?
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was horrible.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I just, I didn't, I mean, it was like this gym to me is like a gift, you know, and this is a tiny little 1,000 square foot gym right now.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you I've realized that until someone hits their knees hard enough, they're never gonna make it.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: My father told me something that thought was really impactful.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was at my lowest time at one point in my life.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was really, really low.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: And my dad comes to me and he goes, Do you feel stripped?
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel like you have nothing left?
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Dad, I I mean, I have I can't cry any harder.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't know if I can cry anymore.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: I have nothing in me.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so heartbroken.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can't put food on the table for my family.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: He looked me dead in the eyes and said, God can't make paint a masterpiece unless it's on a blank piece of canvas.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: Say that again.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: My father told me, he goes, God can't paint a masterpiece unless it's on a blank piece of canvas.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's why your tattoo artist never wants to go over someone else's tattoos.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: They want to go over a new piece of skin.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: They want a blank canvas to make it beautiful.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that hit home for me.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: That changed my entire life.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing that lady talked about when it came to trauma.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_00: People go around other people, it's certain verses that can change your life, certain conversations.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you right now, I've sat in bars and met certain people that have said certain things to me that stuck with me for the rest of my life, changed my entire direction of my career, how I handled certain things, who I use, what attorneys I use.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've I've had so many conversations with so many people that's changed my entire life.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: It does the same thing in healing.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that was probably the most powerful moment, realizing if I hit the bottom, that's when I get to start over.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: Blink canvas.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: And there's sometimes there's nothing better than knowing you get to start over.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you can hit the rewind start over button in your life, how many times would you have done that?
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now, separate from your kids and your wife, right?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm saying is so many decisions that we've all made that if we wish we could have started over, we would.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: But I almost, with me reading more, I look at the other side of the fence on that.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: On we wouldn't be the people we are today.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we just rewind it and start it over, now it's it's another thing to be like, hey, let's go.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I want to keep the knowledge, I don't want to forget.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: But in reality, you know, it's almost like time is everything.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: So the more time we spend with our failures, our trauma, and being able to continue education, what we went through to then break through those barriers.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then going into being a father, a mother, you can then pass that generation of knowledge to your kids to help them mitigate their future.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I it's kind of wild because my ex-wife does a lot of healing, right?
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: She has a lot of modalities and kind of deals with Reiki and so forth.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot of those things that I actually believe in, I think works for a lot of people.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: It never really worked for me.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Breath work I loved.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but what I realized about breath work is it really does put me in kind of a state of not having my phone on me and it's a little more quiet.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of focusing on something else rather than my mind.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's what breath work, that powerful, how powerful breath work is.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: And there's other things to it, but it was funny.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: This lady asked me the other day, she goes, What do you do to find peace and heal?
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I'm quiet.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: How many times do you just turn off the radio in your car when you're making a long drive and just all of a sudden you realize I'm not listening to anything because your mind's running.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's really hard, you know, going to bed every night being alone.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um I watch a lot of the news, which is probably not good.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um But I I know it's okay to feel alone.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've been sometimes there was I felt more alone with somebody next to me than I ever did right now.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you feel more alone when you have someone next to you than when you are actually physically alone.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: Fatherhood and forgiveness, healing the wounds our fathers left behind from breaking generational cycles and becoming the man your kids need, even if you never had the example yourself.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's a big one, man, because my father raised me.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: My mom left when I was six months old.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's two sides to that story.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: I hear a different one from her.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's just maybe one that I've been telling myself forever, but um, all I know is that my mom wasn't there from six months for the most part on.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: And as my dad was an LA County Sheriff, had a very heavy hand.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, think about what this guy's dealing with, right?
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, he goes to he goes to work every day being hated by everybody and seeing satanic stuff.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: I went on a lot of ride-alongs.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's bad.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to be a cop after I've been on, you know, 30 ride-alongs.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I don't know if I could deal with the mental of this kids being raped and people's arms getting cut off, and I watched a guy shoot himself in the head and kill himself.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's all they eat, breathe, and sleep this stuff, and they go home and have dinner and like as if nothing happens.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's gotta wear on you.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_00: So there's times that he'll snap, and I know why he's snapping.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, he had a really heavy hand.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for a long time, I gave my father a lot of grace.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a man, mean kid.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've never was a mean kid.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_00: I never hated anybody.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't have that in me.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: I have a I have a real long threshold for in a lot of patience.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's weird.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: I shouldn't, but I I have.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I just kind of had this faith that my dad was always trying to do what's best for him and for me.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I believed it because I did spend a lot of time with him growing up.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I saw his kindness and I saw his softness too.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because he had to play mom and dad.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: He had to cook for me, he had to be there for me and take me to school, pick me up, take me to daycare.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: He fought.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I even in high school, I'd look back and I'd go, man, he really tried.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: My it was just like Shane now.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: My son knows how much I sacrifice and he gives me so much grace because I'm not there all the time.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and my I think I have a better relationship with my son than most parents with their kids as teenagers, especially boys.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: My as a dad, I'm real close with him.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_00: And he honors me.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, his 16th birthday, he comes to me and says, Dad, I want a tattoo.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sitting there going, Absolutely not, even though I'm all sleeved up.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: When you're 18, you can get it, right?
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, Well, what I want is the same garland tattoo you had on your back for your first time.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: Identical print, identical size.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: What an honor.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, buddy, let's go.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I went and let him get his tattoo.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um that is a connection that I probably wouldn't be able to build if I didn't have the experiences that I had with my father and learn how to forgive him.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I had forgiven my father probably when I turned about 30.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: I really started going through a hard time as a father trying to raise his family and being married.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think I just settled into seeing what my dad had to really go through.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: I was starting to get kicked in the teeth quite a bit.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and then my dad got hit, broke his back, got airlifted.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's a couple other times in his career where he didn't know if he would make it home, and I got phone calls from the station, you know, that type of stuff.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_00: And um you kind of go through that, like, well, if he didn't come home, you know, how much did you miss him?
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_00: I I went through a lot of those emotions too.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I could be completely mad at him, but when you get a phone call that your dad may be dead, all of that maybe anger that I had was out the door immediately because now I feel like I'm I lost my father.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_00: So when you see someone take literally shots and how much my father had to go through to put food on the table, and then I may literally experience it now as an older man that has to fight every day to put food on the table.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_00: You do nothing but forgive and respect because you realize you're not perfect, you break, the world beats you up, and you fail all the time.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: You go home and you yell at your kids, you have a short fuse, you don't give your wife what she needs.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like you fail every which way from Sunday.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so as I got older, I started loving my father more and more and giving him more grace.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: My relationship with my father now is priceless.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: I I get tears in my eyes.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_00: I I had some other buddy of mine tell me his father passed away, and I like immediately felt the emotion of what would happen to me if my father died.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: Dude, that's gonna be a rough day for me.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: Really rough day for Shane, too, because him and Shane are very close.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: But um, you know, you have to learn to forgive, man.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: And and when you do, sometimes the other being on the other side of the fence, the people that did you wrong, it's worse to be on that side of the fence than it is on our side.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: I tell people that all the time.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_00: Don't underestimate how how hurtful it was for somebody else to have hurt you.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: If they have a good heart, they probably are hurting more inside than you are for being wrong, being wronged by them.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: Love versus control.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: The real difference between leading and manipulating, learning to lead in relationships and business without ego, fear, or dominance.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I have agape, God's love tattooed on my arm, right?
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I have my two sons.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_00: So agape, God's love, Shane, my oldest son, and my youngest son.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: And uh when you start it, you really get to understand God's love and study love for what it is.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, first Corinthians, it's listed everywhere.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_00: Love is patient, love is kind, right?
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: The the standard stuff.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: There isn't there is so much power in that word love.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it is the most powerful emotion we'll ever have.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think people, again, being so selfish, they think they love you, but it's because of what you've given them and the way you make them feel.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_00: Love is selfless, and you have to have patience.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: You have to remember that everybody's gonna let you down at some point, your spouse, your best friends, I've let you down.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's just the way it goes.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can't be perfect all the time.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: What overcomes that is trust and love, you know, believing in their heart, but without having that exposure and being real at times, massed down and establishing that relationship of trust.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: Then when someone has an infraction, you you really only can forgive through love.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's what forgiveness really is, is love.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: Peace.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: You've come up with peace, regardless of how they made you feel, you let it go, and now you're gonna forgive them.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: In essence, you're freeing them, so then they may not be able to have to carry that conviction.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: You are doing a service to them by letting it go.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's love.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think people understand that as much anymore.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I love about being in my position because I get to love a lot of people.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: I read a lot of people in, I see their hearts, I see what they want.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: They come into my life, whether it's an employee or a friend, and I always deliver results.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's why my old employee called me with all the hardship we went through and goes, Man, I'm sorry.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_00: You really brought me into this world.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: I have text messages from it.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, I'm putting food on the table because of my family.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I'm sorry I was hard on you.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_00: But that's what it takes sometimes.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: Tough love.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone re everyone calibrates differently, everybody reacts to certain different things.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: And um I think the difference between love and control is really what you give rather than what you receive.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you know you're giving more than what you're receiving, you're on the right track.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that's an uncomfortable feeling.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: But as a husband, you're gonna know that's how it goes.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna accept the fact that you have to die on the sword and you're gonna have to give more than what she gives you.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it says in scripture a woman needs to respect you, not love you like Christ loves the church, the unconditional love for your wife.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's two different worlds.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: She's supposed to treat you a specific way that gives you the power to keep moving forward.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_00: You are fighting the world.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_00: You got bullets, and you know, you're dodging the world.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: You come home and you're still dodging.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_00: For her to cast stones at you and judge you for breaking at times is really unfair.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because she has no idea what you're going through every day out on the streets.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_00: You come home to your kingdom, that's your safe place.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: If she's not providing love and peace and kindness and sweetness, dude, like it's it's going to fail.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: I've lived it.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_00: So love is about delivering value to other people, not trying to receive so much.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when you feel like you're giving more love than receiving, you're actually on the right track.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you're supposed to do.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: That makes you humble, that keeps you going.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_00: It means that you have the confidence that you're doing it right.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it allows you to want to keep chasing that conviction of doing things right.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you create a momentum of doing things right, you're probably going to continue that momentum.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_00: So if you become, if that's your heart and who you are, and you strive to do things right and you care about loving others and you want people to see you that way, like genuinely want people to love you back because of how you treat others, like, and you're chasing that connection with people and that reputation.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing better in the world than to have a reputation that says, you're an amazing man, you're a good father, you have a huge heart, and you give to people.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_00: That is real currency that will allow you to keep going because you're on the right track of being a father, being a husband.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_00: There, you just by those words alone, Joe, you could literally, you're out here driving your car, leaving at five in the morning, dealing with all the stress that we're dealing with.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_00: But one person can look in your eyes and say, You're a good husband, you're a good father, you everybody loves you, you've done so much for other people, and you have that reputation.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_00: That allows you to keep going.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: 30 seconds allows you to keep going for a year.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_00: Fills your cup.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_00: Dude, where the fuck is that anymore in the world?
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: But people don't understand.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's how simple men are.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's how simple it is for a man to feel loved and appreciated.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you what a man stays where there's peace.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about looks.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_00: If a man feels like he's receiving peace and someone loves him unconditionally, he's loyalty is higher.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's why they say gay marriages when a man, man to man, the divorce rate's like 25%.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: Woman to woman is like 76%.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: Heterosexual, 56%.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_00: Men naturally are more loyal.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_00: Men naturally thrive in brotherhood and in having a village.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're not necessarily as prideful.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_00: You have a job, I have a job.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you go out and you see the military.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's your job, you do that.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_00: You have that job, you do that.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's easier for that.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's not emotional.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_01: The mirror tests, basing the version of you that you don't post online, confronting your insecurities, pride, and pain behind the persona.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_01: As far as you being, I don't consider you as an influencer by any means, but the power of social media, you have been able to build a brand that people can trust in you.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I think doing stuff like this is allowing you to not expose yourself, but again, we've talked about this in the past, bringing the mask down.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: So how do you break through that knowing one post, just like the elections, one shift in the market from you know, a tweet from Elon or Trump could change everything?
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_01: How do you face that and view that with the way you run your business, but also how to still keep that fine line of building that trust and transparency with your followers and potential investors?
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think I have a different connection with my clients because, and I don't really let the world see that much of really how soft I am, because I tell people this all the time.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of, if if I'm managing your money, what kind of manager do you want?
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want a little suit and tie guy, or do you want a pit bull to protect your money?
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because the question is, is how much do you believe the world's burning right now?
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_00: And every client and investor has fought tooth and nail to build the wealth that they have and they can't afford to lose it.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_00: So what they see in me is this kind of pit bull that has knowledge.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in the middle of my career, 20 years of experience, got a track record, like it all matches because they all remember, because most of my investors are boomers, what it's like to be my age.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: Some of them have kids my age and go, my son is cranking.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_00: He's destroying it right now.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, there's a lot of those conversations happening.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_00: But when you have conversations with your clients, and what I tell people all the time that are trying to do what we do is your connection with your clients has to be full transparency because what they're gonna do is undress in front of you.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_00: I've done mortgages forever, I've seen people's finances, which is the most uncomfortable feeling for people to get into.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_00: You had to learn how to become uh how to be able to make people feel comfortable to undress in front of you.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's like being a doctor.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_00: When you're in front of your doctor, do you care so much about being undressed?
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_00: Probably not.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_00: But if it's someone that's not a doctor, it's a it's a it's a chiropractor, and you they ask you to get naked, you're gonna be like, why?
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: So you become the doctor.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the only way to help people navigate life and retirement is to be the doctor.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_00: I can't diagnose if you don't tell me what's going on.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_00: So when you go into a relationship building, typically to get someone's walls to come down, you have to let yours down first.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the connection between my clients isn't because they're making an investment into a specific deal that they love and they like, which has got a got a pencil too.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: But it's me.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's the the vision, my knowledge, the way I see the world, my beliefs, me as a father, me as a husband.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I'm so open about listening to certain things on social media, whether it's rap or country, and I go up and down.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_00: No one cares.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: No one cares.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone sees me as just a normal dude, which is what I want.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm just a blade of grass.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_00: I just have a different way of doing business, and that's really the only thing that stood me out.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_00: I answered the phone after five o'clock.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_00: I tell people all the time, you're not successful because you don't answer the phone after five.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's can be that simple, right?
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, what was the question?
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_00: Where did we go again?
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_01: It was just in regards to how being able to bring the mask down in a way and look the mirror test facing the version of you and some people don't post their failures or their struggles or their demons.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_01: I think you've recently been able to open up and express more.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_01: You've gotten data can show your feedback from your stories of you doing bigger write-ups.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_01: So this isn't necessarily saying you're not doing it, it's sharing you being more open and honest about what's really going on in your life.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's wild because what I learned when I did my documentary on me reconnecting with my mom, when I posted that on Facebook back in the day before Instagram, it went viral.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_00: I had literally hundreds of messages that I had to scroll through.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I loved that type of impact.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_00: The messages were because I reconnected with my mom and I documented the whole thing.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, following, no, I had a videographer follow me to pick her up at the airport, right?
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I was so nervous, and we had that on camera, me talking about how nervous I was to see her, and you know, she hasn't met my kids and you know, my or my wife, and all these things, a lot of emotions.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I didn't know I that wasn't that was mask off on the on that, you know.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_00: And what I realized is how much that helps others.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: And the messages I was getting from, you know, I need to connect with my mom or my brother or my father, and the stories I was getting, man, I just realized that there were so many people out there hurting in the same situation, which made me feel good that I'm not alone.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I think again, that feeling of giving back, when you give, that's where the fruit is.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's the currency.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I've had enough experiences by being able to be comfortable with letting myself kind of expose to the world who I really am or certain things in my life.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_00: And the feedback I've gotten has only given me more fuel to want to keep going.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the more I'm honest about things that go on in my life, the more people trust me.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_00: No matter how bad it is.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_00: Even when I say I made the mistake, I think what it is is people are going, no one does that anymore.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's hiding behind the smiles and the cars and all the material shit on social media.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's all every think about social media, it's always about the good things you are posting about your life.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about what's really going on.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_00: Really, some people get comfortable and are doing it, but not that much.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_00: Really, social media is about a bragging, it's all about bragging.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's what that is.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna change it up.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing things differently now.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm looking at how we do our business.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_00: We we're paradigm, we're unorthodox, we shift, and that's runs through my veins.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_00: So the more I do things differently, the more I stand out.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm trying to build awareness of who I am and build trust with people, it starts with letting your mask down.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that same point, you know, with building relationships with people, sometimes to get their walls to come down, you have to let yours down too.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: I can let my wall down on a 30-second, one-minute post and create hundreds and thousands of connections.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's powerful.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_00: And how many people do I help?
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_00: The amount of messages I got the other day was impressive.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's only giving me more fuel to want to keep going.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I wanted to talk on something I thought you'd probably really appreciate.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because you asked me this in the past about the mirror.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you know they say when you're married, the best mirror is your spouse.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've always had that one thing too stuck in my head, two ears, one mouth.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_00: God gave you two ears for a reason.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_00: I've also have I try to play the real husband card, you know, give, give, give, and you know, don't ask for much, and you're here to support and love, and kind of just have unconditional love and not allow your emotions to get involved in a lot of things.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so I've been pretty strong for a long time.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, my ex-wife has a lot of pain.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it obviously all prior to me.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's more pain now because of me, but it it was all prior to me.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_00: And she was in so much pain that she was the only person I've ever come across in my life that I couldn't fix by just words.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm great in scripture.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_00: I've done tons of Bible studies.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_00: I told you I used to teach at Harvest.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've done so much.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_00: No matter how much I go to scripture, how much I pray for her or over her, it she just was unable.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_00: She needed to really do it on her own.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_00: She had to figure it out.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_00: There, I could only give her the financial stability and runway, and she had to do it on her own.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_00: When you get to know her, she's as you know, she's just kind of stubborn, very similar to me.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_00: And there's nothing wrong with that.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes people just have to figure things out on their own.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to think of this when was the last time you cried and looked in the mirror?
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_00: You cry a lot.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_00: When when you cry, some ironically, sometimes you're in front of the mirror.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_00: Or what do you do after you're done crying?
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_00: You look in the mirror.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm the only one looking at her while she's in the mirror, when she's not in the mirror.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I saw the hardest thing I've ever done, Joe, is stick there day in and day out with a woman that I love that is in so much pain that I cannot fix.
• 59:13
  SPEAKER_00: It broke me too, man.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_00: I tried.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's love.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I have no regrets.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me feel good I was there.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't have to worry about anything.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_00: Finances, she got to be able to really just deal with it.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I I think for you being able to articulate that now and voice it, and I think over even the past few months, when you talk about it, you've never once shunned her, andor your previous ex-wife.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_01: And it's because you're willing to accept everything you did, you did right, you did wrong, and it allows you to move forward.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_01: But I think you're right, you got the nail on the head because even with the people with inside the company, you take it to heart when you can't fix someone, when they're not willing to pick up the phone after five, they're not willing to work on weekend.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_01: And you do take it to heart.
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really at the end of the day, it's because you care about that individual and you have a big heart, literally and physically, you have a large heart.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it allows others, especially when you share it with investors.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_01: I see it firsthand when you know me being in meetings and you doing site visits with people, you're you're expressing your true self.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_01: You want to help them grow their wealth, and you'll do whatever it takes because not only do you believe in yourself, you believe in them and all their hard work that they've been able to accomplish for their self, their family, building the generational wealth.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you know someone doesn't take that serious or it doesn't work out, it does affect you because you bleed this every day.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's called sympathy and compassion.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I continue to feel like I get kicked in the T all the time is because without that sympathy and compassion and being humbled and kind of having life experience, I probably won't be able to deliver good results.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_00: I get there's got to be a reason to continue to fight.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you're doing it for others, it's easier to keep going.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you're doing it for yourself, a lot of people think about how think about how many people just don't care about working out.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they or or the only reason they're working out is because of their family and their kids.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you get older and you have health issues, you need a reason to keep going.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_00: And this it is the same thing within inside the company.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's I see someone broken, I hear what the problem is, and I have the answer.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I speak it and I show you.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm a walking example of what it will take to get what you're trying to accomplish.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I give you the yellow brick road.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do not, you know, horse and water, man.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the water, I can take you to it, but you got to drink it.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_00: And people just continue to be in their own way.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_00: I am too.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm not perfect by any means.
• 1:02:22
  SPEAKER_00: But you're right, I do take it personal.
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_00: When I, and that's the point, you know, when I see somebody that you love and care for, you literally care about their hardship.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_00: You learn what is wrong and what the problem is, and you listen and you then you try to implement things to help them.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you do.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's love.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_00: So if I'm if I really am filled with love and I take my employees to heart and I hear what they, and then when they, you know, things don't work out, sometimes I'm the bad guy.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's because I was on I was teaching them how to get there.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_00: They know they had the conviction in their heart, they were on the way.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_00: They had it.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was there, they could reach it, you, but you didn't listen.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I can only put up with it for so long.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care who you are.
• 1:03:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's how it works.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can only help people for so long if they're not willing to help themselves.
• 1:03:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if it has a direct impact, now you're now you're adding the component to business.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you're not performing, now we're not generating income off your department.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we got to shift.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just business.
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really hard to manage that.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_00: But it is in many ways the same way in a in a personal relationship.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I'm not really getting value out of this.
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the one delivering value.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_00: You have to get to a point where you're like, I you are literally sucking the energy out of me.
• 1:03:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't have, I cannot help you fight when I already got my own fights.
• 1:03:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Joe, always, brother, I really appreciate you know you doing that to me.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of had some tears in my eyes throughout the night and um very humbling, and I really appreciate that.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I I hope that our listeners um take away that, you know, it's okay to go through a lot of hardship, but you have to have hope.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_00: You have to.
• 1:03:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can, typically things will be okay.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_00: And forgiveness is very powerful.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_00: You will win in life if you can forgive and you have hope.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's just those two things.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you guys all for listening.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_00: I really do love y'all.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_00: I've gotten a lot of really good feedback.
• 1:04:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we're kind of going into some of the emotional side.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, uh, if you guys need anything, you know where to reach us.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_00: Joe, thank you, buddy.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_01: On to the next.