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The Benefits Of Aging (Encore) · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:04
  Kelly Hatfield: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our full potential.
• 0:18
  John Mitchell: Are you living up to your potential? Are you frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
• 0:32
  Kelly Hatfield: If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch what happens. Welcome to think it be the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
• 1:02
  John Mitchell: Hey. And I'm John Michell. So today, Kelly, our topic is aging, and the benefits of aging. So I'd like your observations, what are you in your late 20s? Early 30s?
• 1:19
  Kelly Hatfield: Ever Told you, you're my favorite person?
• 1:24
  John Mitchell: Oh, you can't be over the what? 35?
• 1:28
  Kelly Hatfield: I actually have a big birthday coming up. I will be 50 in June.
• 1:32
  John Mitchell: Are you serious? Yeah. So are you serious?
• 1:36
  Kelly Hatfield: I am stop.
• 1:39
  John Mitchell: Man, I'll tell you well, you know, you know what, what 50 meant to me. So I'm, I'm curious to see what 50 All mean to you, but that this is perfect. So in two months, you're going to be 50. So just explain to our audience, your take on Aging, the process the benefits? Just your observations about it?
• 2:03
  Kelly Hatfield: Well, I love it. I am so excited. Well, first of all, I think you're aging. I mean, what's the alternative?
• 2:12
  John Mitchell: Yeah, no, kid, okay. So I'm
• 2:15
  Kelly Hatfield: gonna always have that framework around this that I'm lucky to see another year, and I'm excited about what the next one is going to bring. And so I love the wisdom that comes along with it, I love the how you really get to know but like, by now with all of the experiences that you've had, and the the trials and the tribulations, and there's just things that you know, now that you didn't know, then, you know, what I mean, and a competence that comes with that, you know, I remember being in my 30s You know, even as I turned 40, and in my early 40s, you know, still, you know, kind of trying to figure out who you are caring too much about what other people think or about where should I be, as opposed to where I am, you know, the kinds of things so I just love the confidence, and the wisdom that comes along with aging. The other thing too, for me is that it really is just like, I feel better than I did in my 30s from my physical, you know, I really take care of myself, my health is a priority. And, and so it's just a, a number, I feel more alive, vibrant and have more energy than I did in my 30s. So, yeah, you,
• 3:36
  John Mitchell: you know, I think you hit on a couple of things that are great, you know, the wisdom and the confidence. And, you know, I don't know what made me do this. But, you know, one night, a week or so ago, ginger and I were having a talk and I've been I just been reflecting back on, on my life. And you know, I could see where I took a jump it just in, in how I played the game of life as as an example, when I was when I met ginger when I was you know, 52 I think or so, maybe 53 She observed that every one small, it wouldn't happen all the time, obviously, but but it would happen sometimes. Where I get mad about something, and I would have a pretty foul mouth, you know, I'd throw F bombs around. And and she pointed that out to me. And I'm like, well, that's not how I was raised. You know, I was I was went to Jesuit High School that there's no, that's not a classy way to be. And, and so I immediately stopped it and and she is surprised or because you know, just from that recognition of it, I could stop it. And you know, I and you may not even know this about me. You know there were three things that happen And in my 40s, that were pretty devastating. The first one is my best friend died. And I found it. Oh, no, I didn't, which, which was, you know, he died in a hot tub. And it was. And he was, you know, a interestingly, two or three months before that we both told each other, we loved each other, which guys usually don't do that. No, but, but that shows you and so it was obviously devastating. Then the second thing that happened, like a year or two later, the US government accused me of something I didn't do, you know, I owned a bank and my authorities and they accused me of something that I flat didn't do. And they were trying to put me in jail. And it was an ugly situation and, and got really ugly. And but ultimately, I could prove I was innocent, and they dropped the charges. But very, very difficult. Period. And then the third thing was I was in a in a business I really hated. And so those three things as I'm rolling into my 50s, she, you know, probably were the foundation for a lot of F bombs, you know, just to inclination to F bombs. Well, yeah, there's
• 6:18
  Kelly Hatfield: a lot of anger. There's a lot of anger there and right with the situations. Yeah,
• 6:22
  John Mitchell: right. Right. And, and, and, you know, but as once ginger pointed that out to me, I'm like, Well, that didn't serve me. There's no, that's not really who I am. That's embarrassing that I'm not more articulate. Sure, I understand getting mad. I, by my nature, probably have a strong temper. But you know, I'm going to stop and and so I did stop it immediately. And, and she was surprised that that just that, you know, being able to stop it was possible. And and then, you know, I noticed, what was the other one that I I noticed? Oh, I would every once awhile, get mad out loud, like, I don't know, I bet everybody's like this, especially around technology. You know, if there's something technology that goes wrong, sometimes I, I would want to take my computer and throw it in the lake. Not that didn't happen a lot. But I'd be very vocal without using F bombs about my anchor. And then I'm like, what, what good is that? Do you know what and you know, this is part from learning from Trevor Moe had the mental coach at Alabama that what you say out loud is 10 times more powerful than, than what you think I'm like, all I'm doing is is giving 10 times the energy to whatever I'm upset about. I'm like, this makes no sense. And and, you know, I saw that I was able to immediately stop that. It just didn't make sense. And so the point of those two stories is i i As I look back on my life, I can actually see where I was one way and became more enlightened. And I changed it Can you can you think of things like in your life where you've you saw something and you you evolve to a higher level?
• 8:32
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I mean, I think absolutely. One of the things for me that many people listening can relate to? Probably, probably a lot of women would be my guess is this tendency to people, please. You know, and so it was just part of my family dynamic. Growing up, I kept getting into my 20s, my 30s I stayed at a company that I shouldn't have stayed out as long as I did 14 years out of a sense of a false sense of loyalty and wanting to please the owner, you know, and it all worked out the time. Exactly. It was supposed to, but you know, I think that tendency to, to, not at all costs, but to make everybody happy and to try to make it okay for everybody and just how exhausting that is. And in an effort to do that you, you put yourself nowhere on your list. You're right. You know, we've talked about this before, too when it comes to business or I'm saying yes to the wrong things. I'm saying yes to everything I'm you know, burning out running myself into the ground because of this, this tendency that I have to try to make people happy, you know, and it wasn't even to like me, it was more of just It's my nature to like fix things. You know, it was the family dynamic that I grew up in was just like if I can make this okay for everybody, then maybe we'll get through it, you know, right. And so that was a Hard pattern for me to break and so boundaries. Right? Um, you know, so going from not having any boundaries to setting boundaries is a huge thing for me in my 30s and, and especially the end of my 30s and, you know, 40 moving into my early 40s Understanding that, oh, you know what I mean, it's so important, I've got to start setting some boundaries around this, you know, both professionally and personally, or, I'm, I'm never going to be, you know, happy to the extent that I can be, you know, so that definitely was one of the things for me was that people pleasing nature and just understanding that. And I know, this sounds cynical to, you know, but like,
• 10:46
  John Mitchell: here we go.
• 10:48
  Kelly Hatfield: Get ready. But I mean, it goes back to what your your, you know, that whole idea when I was talking about being a little about being judged, you're not talked about that before, people aren't thinking about you at all, you know, that center stage syndrome, you know, where you think, you know, people are, they don't? If you're not, if you say no, they're going to move on to the next person who will say yes, you know, what I mean, like, so just understanding the extent to which that, you know, saying no, doesn't mean. So, anyway, that was a big one for me where my behavior shifted, you know, definitely. And then the other thing that comes to with just confidence really quick, and that. So once you've gone through, like having started, you know, multiple businesses, having multiple businesses in operation now making it through the highs, the lows, this roller coaster of entrepreneurship and business ownership. One thing that as I knew, as I come into this next, were this confidence, like, I'll bet on me any day of the week. You know what I mean? Like, if I, so knowing that, so just that confidence that comes with having gone through all of that, and being able to reflect on it to say, I made it through that, or, man, here's how I would have navigated that a little bit differently if I had that to do over again, so that I'm carrying the lessons with me. So it's just a different way of looking at. There isn't that apprehension, like wondering if you can do something or like, I know I can, and I prove it over and over again, you know what I mean?
• 12:31
  John Mitchell: Right, right. You know, I think you're right. And, you know, the, this idea of operating in life with confidence is, is so tied to what other people think, because if you're really focused on what other people think, or put too much weight on it, it detracts from your confidence, because you're always judging what are other people thinking about what I'm saying or doing. And, like you say, this is so true, they're not thinking about you, you think they're thinking about you, but they're not thinking about you. And, and I saw in my 50s, how much fun life was when, when I operated at a higher level of confidence. Of course, I was driven by our 12 minute day technique I was, you know, just was that level of control I had over and have over my life was so immensely more. But, you know, I, it's always amazing to me relative to aging, is why do we really have to get older to learn these things. I mean, that's the natural effect of aging. But, you know, I look at so many, so many of the things sort of the lessons that that I have learned in my life, that people could have sat me down and said at 25 or 30, and said, Now, John, here's about 10 or 15 lessons, get these things. I mean, friggin get them, so that you don't have to go through all the things that I went through. And you know, maybe as I talked about this, this is what, enthuses me about the new course I'm creating at the University of Texas to go even deeper than then they could be it but you know, but I just see that oftentimes you tell people these lessons and it goes in one ear and out the other, you know, I mean, what do you think about that?
• 14:38
  Kelly Hatfield: I think I 100% get where you're coming from but like this goes back to what we've been talking about to like the people you surround yourself with are like I didn't grow up around people who could sit me down and tell me the top 10 lessons in life to that wasn't my reality. I had a couple of really a great, great teachers. You know what I mean, in high school, right? There's some great coaches in soccer, but nobody, not a mentor, you know, until I was in my 30s, you know, that sat down and said, hey, you know, these are the things that you really want to focus on in life, the whole idea of focusing on the things that move the needle and having clarity and all of those things, that wasn't part they didn't teach that in school. Right. And then I wasn't around that, you know, in my career, my company didn't offer that, you know, so and so the importance of having a mentor, and if not personnel, and I think, to your point, having been introduced to it in a class, at that age, I mean, we I'd say this all the time, man, I wish I would have been introduced to your method, you know, 20 years earlier, I imagine where things would be now and, and, you know, so I think it's fantastic, that you're putting a curriculum together for, you know, for young adults, to carry with them into their life?
• 16:02
  John Mitchell: Well, you know, it's, it's interesting. So as I develop this new course, here's, there's four components to it. Leadership of self, which, which means having that mindset, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, it's also personal responsibility, which means never letting yourself be a victim, and always owning your results. And if you don't like the results, you're getting changing your behaviors, then it's teaching them what I call six high performance, skills that like, like you just said, if I'd learned them at 50, I made it 20 instead of 50, what a difference that would have made. And then the fourth component is mentoring. And as you're talking, I'm like, I want you to mentor some of my students, you know, of course, this will be down the road, but you would be so good to do it. And I because I want to get successful people, once I get them through my class, I'm going to mentor them, and I want to stay in touch with them. But I need, you know, people have the right mindset and the right level of success to mentor them. It's just like, you know, this, just for our audience, we had a couple of years ago, you came to my class in Austin. And and you hired one of the students. Yeah, as a as an intern. Right. And she was so blown away by the experience of being around you that, you know, we need to replicate that. I guess it's the bottom line.
• 17:43
  Kelly Hatfield: Well, I, I love it. And it was so funny, I said, I say to everybody about that experience, and about doing think about with your, you know, the college program over the summer is, like, I have so much hope for the future when I meet with those young people, because they you know, these young adults who are just starting and are fulfilled with, you know, there's this. I don't know what the narrative out there around our young, young adults and the different generation, it's like, no, there are there are future and I'm very optimistic based on these wonderful young adults that are coming out of University of Texas. And yeah, I just been blown away by them. So that's something I would love to be involved in, you know that? Well,
• 18:33
  John Mitchell: you know, our, the the motto at the University of Texas is What starts here changes the world. This has been the motto for like, forever, and they used to have when Walter Cronkite was alive, he went to the University of Texas, you can hear Walter Cronkite saying that. And so it's pretty cool. But but you know, on this thing with aging to this past year, I don't know how it happened. But we had all freshmen in our class, as opposed to primarily juniors in in, in the prior years, that Bill and I build the former Chancellor and I teach and what a difference, you know, those those freshmen, they're like deer in the headlights, you know, they're just glad to be away from mom and dad. And of course, my big push is around leadership itself and personal responsibility and, and for when you get out in the real world, they're not worried about the real world. They're four years away from the real world. And, you know, that's why it's sort of evolved for me to go. I want to teach basically, just seniors, maybe some juniors but primarily seniors, and I only want to teach athletes It's because the athletes are the highest achievers as a group on on campus. And this is what our 12 minute day methodology is clearly for high achievers. But you know, it's interesting that relative to age, you know where they are, when they're what 18 versus when they are when they are 22. And as you'll see, when you turn 50 is going to be powerful. Because you're and you I, my prediction is, you won't think about it a lot until you hit it. But then over the next three months, you're going to reimagine your life. Promise and so that the lesson to our audience I think, is reimagine your life right now. Whatever your age are, don't wait for that decade. Birthday. Does you think that's lesson?
• 20:56
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think absolutely. That's the lesson. It's never, you know, now is the right time to reimagine your life. You know what I mean? Not tomorrow, not 10 years from now, don't wait for those big, you know, birthdays, now is the time and I'm doing a lot of that right now, in a reflection. Okay, what do I want this next season to look like? You know, so I'm, I've been kind of knowing that this has been coming up working on that a little bit and shaping that. And so yeah,
• 21:24
  John Mitchell: you know, I got a suggestion for you. I just started doing this. Two weeks. And so I will see how it evolves. But it feels pretty good. Where, you know, every day I exercise, and I get on the treadmill at 530, and why it's the evening news. And after I get off of it, now, I go, and I sit down. And I've usually, maybe I've I've read the Wall Street Journal already. So I'm thinking about what's going on in the world. And I've just watched the news. And I'm, I'm sitting back, intentionally thinking, what am What am I observing in life? What am I observing in the world? What am I observing in my own life? What am I learning? How am I growing? And you know, it's really fascinating when you intentionally look at not just what is happening, but what am I learning? What's, what's the trends here? What do I think about my life? What What, what's reality telling me is, am I going in the right direction or not? Yo, I found it fascinating. I've done a lot of writing over the last two weeks around that because every, every Sunday, I try and write what I'm how I'm growing and learning, but it's a fascinating process.
• 22:43
  Kelly Hatfield: Yep, I am, I am all for it. I love that. And I'll give it a I'll let you know, I'll report back and let you know how it goes. Well, you know, we're
• 22:51
  John Mitchell: gonna charge your, your path of turning 50 This will be good. You know, I see that, that doing our podcast is so interesting, because it it lets us both pontificate about life. Not that anybody cares. But nevertheless, you know, we have to, we have to take what's in our head and, and turn it into words to communicate with each other. And there's, there's power in that. But I think I think the takeaway to all this is aging is it the benefits are, are so great. And yes, some things decline physically, but, but I'm sort of like you, you know, I I feel sort of top of my game, both physically and mentally. And you know, the power of aging is you just get more confident you get you care less about what other people think. You also see that 98% Of all the stuff that goes on really doesn't matter. Right? You know, exactly. Yeah. And I know when I had 175 employees and I bet you're the same way. You know, I sort of learned that if you did the vast majority of the things the average it really didn't matter. Although your own pride wants to do them all. Well, the once you let go of that and just focus on what moves the needle. You know, that's that's what aging does for you is makes you forget all this stuff that's immaterial and just focus on the stuff that matters.
• 24:35
  Kelly Hatfield: It Real quick, John, I know we're wrapping it up but to that point, the other thing that aging is the way you spend your time, like the quality of my time the fact that it is more and more precious, right means you're spending it. At least I am have made a choice to spend it. More plugged in more present Even more, you know, so I'm squeezing, you know, as much as much joy. And I mean, that's one of the things that I analyze my day by when I'm reflecting on my day. It's like, did I laugh enough today? Because I gotta change that. That's joy is one of my, you know? Oh, I
• 25:18
  John Mitchell: know, I know, you know, you gotta laugh. Yeah, man, I'll tell you. You know, I appreciate my relationship with my friend, Bobby, who I talked to every day, and I've known him for 40 years. And the beauty of him is it every day, we, we belly laugh, and is usually cutting each other down that creating the laughter. But I don't know. And I see is as I get older, how grateful I am for, you know, for my health for my friends, including you. But you know, my really close friends. And you know, and I was just watching this presentation on frontline PBS Frontline about retirement and how people are generally not prepared for retirement. And I'm so thankful that, that that's not me. And I just, you know, like you said at the start, as you get older, you just get more grateful and what a great way to live being more grateful.
• 26:35
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, yeah. And you don't have to, you know, think of it you don't have to get out you can start being grateful today. Start being grateful today. Everything today because this is the this is all we're promised. Right? Right.
• 26:48
  John Mitchell: Well, you know, especially with our methodology, which is all about creating, creating immense intention and clarity about your life. Yes. Will you today, embrace being grateful? Embrace focusing on what moves the needle embrace, not worrying what other people think you know, and train your subconscious mind for all that. When you do, boy, watch what happens. Okay. Well, until next time, we'll see you.
• 27:19
  Kelly Hatfield: Thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or John@thinkitibeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life