Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / April 9, 2019 | Expresso - Allison Reid

Transcript

April 9, 2019 | Expresso - Allison Reid · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: First, I want to start to thank everyone for coming out um tonight to hear my testimony.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I typed everything up because I get really nervous and I'm not much of a public speaker.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um then I can't read my paper.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um so uh I'm just saying I'm a little nervous standing up here in front of you, so here it goes.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um growing up, I I was raised in a broken home where my biological parents were never married and never lived together.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: With that said, my older sister and I, who you want me to start over?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're okay.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um where was I?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh with that said, my older sister and I, who have different biological fathers, lived with our mother.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: As long as I can remember, I spent every other weekend rotating holidays and every and a week every summer having visitation with my father.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I also spent a fair amount of time with my grandparents since my mother was considered a single parent.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Around the age of four, my mother moved in with this guy that years later became my first stepfather.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: At a young age, um I didn't really understand the concept of the dynamics of the relationships between my mother and my father.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I always remember them fighting over when one got to see me versus the other.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And what the court said about stipulations over the orders.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Mentally, this was hard to watch due to seeing um the constant fighting and trying to have me pick sides.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: My biological father wasn't a huge fan of the man my mom had moved us in with, which here soon you guys will um see why that is.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: With him fighting over a meal, a lot of unforgettable things were said.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: The one that always um rested my mind was when my biological father had gotten so frustrated with my mother that he stated towards me that he had brought me into this world and he could take me out of it.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Looking back, the toll on this takes on a seven-year-old mentally is confusing and doesn't give them much feeling of worth and love in the world.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Along the side of consistent fighting between my biological parents, there was a physical and mental abuse coming from the man that my mother had moved us in with.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: This dates back as far as I can remember.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: On many different occasions for the eight years that my mother had a relationship with him, we would he would physically hit us with different objects, told us we weren't good enough by him, or even threatened to physically harm us.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: These, of course, started out small, and as time went on, it started to escalate to more hittings and becoming more degrading to self.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: My mother moved out a few times when things got really bad, but eventually we moved back to in with his promises that he would change for good.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: This repeated a couple of times before my mom married him.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: The summer before junior high, the moment of the most vivid memory occurred.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was also the moment that the physical abuse finally from him came to an end.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: That summer, a few friends of my sister's, my sister and I decided to joyride on one of his ATVs and ended up wrecking it.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: That evening, after the police had left from talking to our parents about the depth of our actions with someone else's property, his anger got the best of him.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Multiple hard hits happened before my mom stepped in to stop him.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: My mother finally decided that was enough.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: We moved out the next day and she filed for divorce along with charges for abuse.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: In the end, nothing happened to him, even with the proof of child abuse from the court system.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: During the eight years of abuse as a child, I was lost and very confused.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because of this internal confusion, I acted out in horrible ways and ended up getting which ended up getting me in trouble in school a lot.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was in detention often in elementary school for fighting with other kids and even stealing from my teachers.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: During all of this, my um biological kept fight biological father kept fighting with my mother about anything and everything.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: He knew about the parts of the abusive situation.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: He started to keep a log to try to get enough evidence to take me from my mother and take her to court to gain custody of me.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But before he could get enough information, um my mother divorced my stepfather and never looked back.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: As the mental and physical abuse from my stepfather started to escalate, another issue started to rise with my biological father and my uncle.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: During sixth grade is when the sexual abuse from them started.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: On weekends.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: On weekends, I would go visit my biological father.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: It started once again, small, but escalated very quickly.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Rough housing with my family was normal until it went too far.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's when it headed in the direction of the sexual abuse.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: The sexual abuse at times was even broadcasted online.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: At the time, my biological father sat me down and gave me materials an impressionable teenage girl shouldn't have access to.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Scared and confused, I told no one of what happened.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: A few years later, after all this ended, my mom wondered why I acted out in school and was constantly fighting with her.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I eventually broke down and told her what had happened.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: My mom immediately got the police involved, but nothing came of it because it would cost too much to place him in prison due to his medical cost of having a pituitary tumor.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Growing up, Jesus was not really a part of my life.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I attended Iwana during elementary school because my mom wanted to get us, give us a reason to be out of the house, but I didn't truly understand the concept or really care what was being taught.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I just went because I got out of the house and having fun with kids my own age.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: After a while, we stopped going and I attended vacation Bible school here or there because that's what my friends were doing.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: During the time of junior high and high school, I drank and partied almost every weekend with my friends.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't pay much attention to my classes because I was perfectly okay with having average grades.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: I truly felt like I was on my own in this world, so I did whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I turned to any male that would show me attention in high school to try and feel some type of affection.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't turn to anyone for help because not many people knew the depth of my past, nor did I trust anyone enough to share.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Hatred built towards my mother because why would she allow her child to go through so much pain and not protect her from the sins of people who were supposed to be my protectors?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: This process continued to follow me into college, but with less drinking.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: The impact on the impact, all of the different abuse had left me feeling broken, confused, angry, hurting, anxious, and depressed.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: This led to a very unhealth this led to very unhealthy mechanisms.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: One thing Satan has used as a weapon against me the most is my anxiety.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: At points during college, my anxiety would get so bad I was making up scenarios in my head that hadn't truly happened, and it impacted almost every angle of my life.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: When I knew the scenarios were getting so bad, I broke down and sought out professional counseling during college.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: The lady I saw through the college didn't have a God focused healing approach, but she didn't give me the but she gave me the tools to try and tame my thoughts on what was real and not real.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: This only helped for a short period.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: In college, I had people around me that had faith and believed in Jesus as their savior.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: I knew who he was and the basics of Christianity from vacation Bible school in Iwana, but I truly didn't believe he was my savior.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I struggled for a few few years in college around these people, and finally one of my closest friends asked me why I didn't believe, and I told her, Because why would God let me go through the abuse that I went through?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of God is he that he would let a child suffer through the years of abuse and after effects of all the pain?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I always remember her response.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Alison, there is evil in this world that can't be controlled.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: God lets people make choices, and those people that hurt you were influenced by this evil.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: God didn't want this to happen to you, but those choices that those people made had a negative impact.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: That being said, I really started to become curious with Christianity, sorry.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had been coming to TBC with my now husband every so often when we came to Topeka from Hayes.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Listening to Pastor Jim's sermons kept my interest, that I felt the need to keep coming to TBC whenever we were back in Topeka.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually we moved to Topeka and wanted to be at a church as wanted to be at church as much as possible to keep learning about what the Bible had to say about life and Jesus being my savior.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: While I never um feel like I had a dramatic conversion experience, it was during this time that I think I truly accepted Jesus as my savior.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: As a new Christian, I tried reading the Bible off and on and got discouraged on the depths and didn't know where to start.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: It really took off when I took the chapter a day challenge in young adults.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: With a few minor setbacks, I completed the New Testament in a year and a half.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: I was so interested in what the Bible had to say, I started using it to guide my life and change different the different aspects of my life.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to know more, so I sought discipleship from Rebecca Delfonso and really took the studies that my husband and I were doing in our couple small group into consideration in our marriage.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: In paying even closer attention to Jim's sermons, I've taken away more, to taken them more to heart in trying to mold what he preaches on the Bible to my daily life.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: With being in the word more and feeling my relationship with Christ, I was ready to take the next step.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I got baptized in the summer of 2017.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: God works work is never finished with me, though.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: He is always working to grow me.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Since Jesus became my savior, I have learned many valuable lessons and am still currently learning.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: From him being with me when I didn't even have a relationship with him to him helping me with my anxiety and my depression.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: But recently, he has been with me through the new journey of healing.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Last spring, I gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Charlotte.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing that I struggled with depression and anxiety, I watched myself very closely to prevent from slipping into depression, but postpartum depression hit me despite me trying to control it on my own this last fall.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Lots of deep emotions arise that scared me.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: With this, I knew I needed to seek help for not only myself, but for my daughter.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: See, I never truly worked through everything from my past.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And with this postpartum depression, it seemed like everything was crashing around me.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Back in November, I remember this voice whispering to me, seek help.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Reverting back to old habits, I thought I could only rely on myself.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: I went three months of saying, I'm not that bad.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Allison, it's just a season.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this on your own.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: God kept saying, I am here for you, and there will be people out there that can help you.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I kept going into denial until I hit a wall.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: I felt so broken and disconnected.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I finally reached out to Patty for help at the end of January.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: When my grandfather had passed away and I knew I couldn't keep going down this path, I needed to make a change.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: With my time with Patty since January, I've been working through my past and issues that came from my childhood, this time with the God-center focus.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: God is amazing.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And in the last few months, I have felt my relationship with him grow and the connection become even stronger.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: He has healing capabilities.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter what you have been through, he will rescue you.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: When things looked so dark back in November, and Satan was attacking my marriage, faith, career, motherhood, and even my friendships, he was beside me wanting to heal me.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Looking back, God is always here for me.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: He knew someday that he would be all that I needed.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I just needed to realize how powerful a relationship with him could be.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: God wants to have relationships with all his children.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: He wants to rescue and heal you from whatever you went through or are going through.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: You just need to lean on him and he will show up for you.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.