Latest / The Parenting Podcast / New Year. New Changes. New Ideas. | Ep. 16

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New Year. New Changes. New Ideas. | Ep. 16 · The Parenting Podcast

• 1:00
  Cheryl: Well, here we are in the throes of January, you know, it's just kind of a gray.
• 1:09
  Ellen: Yeah, both physically and mentally, because they're so tired after the holidays and all the planning.
• 1:17
  Ellen: And it's kinda nice to have that take a deep breath
• 1:20
  Christie: and yes, your, your house looks empty after getting all the decorations down.
• 1:25
  Christie: And because
• 1:26
  Cheryl: there's the positive aspect there's been so much to do and, you know, having all of it, the positive and the negative, and then we get into January.
• 1:35
  Cheryl: So here we are.
• 1:38
  Cheryl: Yeah,
• 1:38
  Ellen: you have to put all the stuff away.
• 1:39
  Ellen: It's gone, but you can't put the pounds away.
• 1:46
  Christie: that's
• 1:46
  Ellen: another issue.
• 1:48
  Cheryl: wanting to be sure, you know, I'm Cheryl and then Ellen's here with us and Christie.
• 1:53
  Cheryl: Hello, missing Denise.
• 1:55
  Cheryl: She couldn't get with us again today.
• 1:57
  Cheryl: So looking forward to having her back, she's getting
• 2:00
  Ellen: brilliant.
• 2:01
  Christie: She'll come back alive and share even more
• 2:04
  Cheryl: with us because she's getting her master's degree.
• 2:06
  Cheryl: That's what we're talking about.
• 2:08
  Ellen: She brings in the education.
• 2:10
  Cheryl: So how do y'all feel about new years?
• 2:13
  Cheryl: How do you look forward to it?
• 2:14
  Cheryl: I will tell you silly reason that I'm looking toward this year is I like even numbers, not odd numbers.
• 2:21
  Cheryl: Oh.
• 2:22
  Cheryl: So it didn't get to really enjoy the last, even number 20, 20.
• 2:26
  Cheryl: Well, why is that Cheryl?
• 2:29
  Cheryl: And so now who go, oh, 20, 22, all the two's coming and I won't be around for the next 2, 2, 2, 2, right?
• 2:36
  Cheryl: Oh, you know, my
• 2:36
  Ellen: son's getting married February 2nd, the 22nd of 22, they did that purposely planned that on.
• 2:43
  Ellen: And there's actually a name for that when you have it that way, but I don't remember what the name
• 2:48
  Cheryl: is, but.
• 2:51
  Cheryl: 3 3, 3, 3.
• 2:52
  Cheryl: It'll be a while.
• 2:53
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:54
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 2:54
  Cheryl: Now I'm expecting a baby grandchild.
• 3:02
  Cheryl: I'm expecting another grandbaby on Tuesday, 2 22, 22.
• 3:08
  Christie: How fun?
• 3:10
  Christie: That would be a neat birthday.
• 3:11
  Christie: So I wouldn't
• 3:12
  Cheryl: forget it.
• 3:13
  Cheryl: We'll see if the wedding can come on time.
• 3:16
  Cheryl: We'll just see chooses to do.
• 3:20
  Cheryl: Also, I don't know about Chubb for me, this continues to be not just the calendar year, but this year, my life is huge.
• 3:26
  Cheryl: When you look at numbers.
• 3:27
  Cheryl: So I've just turned 70.
• 3:30
  Cheryl: This is the year I've known bill for 50 years.
• 3:34
  Cheryl: Um, Ellen and I both for different reasons, we've moved a lot.
• 3:38
  Cheryl: And so I've actually been in the same house for 20 years and that is huge for me.
• 3:44
  Cheryl: Because I never had that even growing up, never that longevity.
• 3:48
  Cheryl: So that's fun.
• 3:49
  Cheryl: And then for me as a Christian, uh, this is going to be 55.
• 3:56
  Cheryl: No Jesus.
• 3:57
  Cheryl: So it was just a whole lot of fun things what are your feelings about new year's?
• 4:01
  Cheryl: Do you like it honestly, like I'm an optimist.
• 4:04
  Cheryl: So I liked the clean slate.
• 4:06
  Cheryl: That's what I
• 4:06
  Christie: really love is especially after all the clutter of December and busy-ness, I like everyone going to their respective corners and the dust settling a bit and kind of a clean slate, but
• 4:18
  Ellen: I like the.
• 4:20
  Ellen: I like party.
• 4:21
  Ellen: We always have a new year's day, big dinner.
• 4:25
  Ellen: And so I I'm still in party mode.
• 4:27
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 4:28
  Ellen: After the first
• 4:28
  Christie: time.
• 4:29
  Christie: That's the good thing about January is it does take kind of a month to wind down from all the festivities,
• 4:34
  Cheryl: but we could invent something to have a fun, simple.
• 4:38
  Cheryl: Yeah, bring the joy to it.
• 4:39
  Cheryl: We could create our own holiday
• 4:43
  Christie: celebrate.
• 4:43
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:43
  Christie: Can it be that everyone comes and cleans my house?
• 4:48
  Ellen: It's the Mary maid part.
• 4:52
  Cheryl: Well, you know, a lot of what you hear talking everywhere every year.
• 4:57
  Cheryl: People talk about new year's resolutions.
• 5:00
  Cheryl: So let's talk about it.
• 5:02
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 5:02
  Cheryl: What you feel about it personally.
• 5:05
  Cheryl: Uh, and it's very interesting studies speaking to this as well.
• 5:09
  Cheryl: where do you all fall in the spectrum about new year's resolutions?
• 5:13
  Christie: Yeah, I like, I like thinking through things at the new year.
• 5:18
  Christie: I like thinking about new habits and changes I want to make for the new year.
• 5:22
  Christie: I think it's a good time to do that.
• 5:23
  Christie: And, um, yeah, I enjoy that.
• 5:26
  Christie: Yeah,
• 5:27
  Ellen: I did too, Mike and I usually take, um, we actually.
• 5:30
  Ellen: Put in on our calendar a day or two days where we sit down and do our goal planning and work out the whole year, as much as we can and, um, goals individually then as a couple and.
• 5:45
  Ellen: When we had, the family was still at home goals for the family and they didn't always work out, but it was nice to pretend.
• 5:54
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:54
  Christie: And I think that's important.
• 5:55
  Christie: I don't necessarily expect something that I, I like thinking of shorter blocks of time rather than the whole year, but January is a good time to start.
• 6:04
  Ellen: that.
• 6:04
  Ellen: And then I know when we were trained to do goals, I mean, we were told to break them down so that they became a daily thing.
• 6:11
  Ellen: You took them from the year, you broke them down to the quarter, you broke them down to the month.
• 6:15
  Ellen: You broke them down to the week.
• 6:16
  Ellen: And then how do you meet that goal on a daily basis?
• 6:19
  Ellen: And I think it's
• 6:20
  Christie: good because in January you don't, I have no idea what my wife is going to like in March or June.
• 6:25
  Christie: Yeah.
• 6:26
  Cheryl: If I ever really grow up, maybe I can be like, LA,
• 6:29
  Ellen: well, it doesn't mean I do them
• 6:32
  Cheryl: I do take it as a period of reflection.
• 6:34
  Cheryl: I just do it a lot more.
• 6:36
  Cheryl: Um, not what you do.
• 6:38
  Cheryl: I have structured to it, but I like to look at my life and what you were saying, the whole reflecting and looking at
• 6:45
  Ellen: that's what you're doing, because you have to reevaluate what happened last year.
• 6:49
  Ellen: Why did you, because you look over your things from last year and you go, oh, why did this not
• 6:53
  Cheryl: happen?
• 6:54
  Cheryl: Right.
• 6:54
  Christie: I'm one that I will try any system or thought or idea, but I'm okay with letting it go trend or not.
• 7:02
  Christie: If it doesn't work for me, it doesn't work
• 7:04
  Ellen: for me.
• 7:04
  Ellen: And I think that's kind of what we're starting to talk about it.
• 7:06
  Ellen: Cause you know, I'm not rigid and locked into how I do it.
• 7:11
  Ellen: It's just a system of how to do things and it can, some years it can be intense some years it can be, I'm doing one thing this year.
• 7:18
  Cheryl: Right?
• 7:19
  Cheryl: Well, it's interesting.
• 7:20
  Cheryl: You know, I enjoy seeing what studies say about things, the scientist and different studies.
• 7:25
  Cheryl: And I looked at, and there are a number of them and they all basically said the same thing.
• 7:31
  Cheryl: They said.
• 7:33
  Cheryl: The big resolutions before you even get close to February, a full third of them are gone.
• 7:39
  Cheryl: So it's lasting is really a hard thing.
• 7:42
  Cheryl: And so then they talk about what to do because they say the flip side of that coin is you're 10 times more likely to make a change.
• 7:51
  Cheryl: That's permanent.
• 7:53
  Cheryl: If you make a resolution or if you make a commitment.
• 7:56
  Cheryl: So if we go, well, it's not going to work, but if we don't do.
• 8:00
  Cheryl: Then it really won't work, really look that old and say, fail to plan you plan to fail that thing.
• 8:06
  Cheryl: Actually, they're kind of proving that.
• 8:08
  Cheryl: So let's talk about that a little bit, rather than resolution.
• 8:12
  Cheryl: I kind of like the word reassess, you know, cause reflection, reassessment.
• 8:17
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 8:17
  Cheryl: So what are some of the areas that.
• 8:21
  Cheryl: It's been helpful to you as a person and as a mom.
• 8:24
  Cheryl: Well, for
• 8:25
  Christie: example, this year, one thing I've been thinking of because my season of life is changing a little bit.
• 8:29
  Christie: I still have two at home, but they're 15 and 17.
• 8:33
  Christie: Our third is graduating this year, so we're really inching close to that.
• 8:38
  Christie: Empty-nesters.
• 8:39
  Christie: And so I've been thinking about things that I have time for that I didn't have time for for a lot of years.
• 8:45
  Christie: And one of those is photos.
• 8:48
  Christie: And journaling and things of that nature of keeping track of things for my future generations.
• 8:53
  Christie: So I'm looking forward to next year, really trying to pay more attention to organizing our photos and making some photo albums, which I have not done in 20 years.
• 9:03
  Christie: So
• 9:04
  Ellen: you've got a big job probably sitting in a pile to
• 9:07
  Christie: go into photo album.
• 9:08
  Christie: Right.
• 9:09
  Christie: And so it seems like kind of a as hobby type thing, but for me, it really means a lot more about.
• 9:14
  Christie: Generations and legacy and relationships with my kids and grandkids.
• 9:19
  Cheryl: And the problem is we have the old produced physical, what you had to do with photos and then digital, right?
• 9:28
  Cheryl: And so I began this, I just, the parenting podcast has kept me a little busy from things.
• 9:33
  Cheryl: And anyway, last year, literally in photos on my computer pull from everything.
• 9:41
  Cheryl: I had 20,000 photos.
• 9:44
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 9:44
  Cheryl: Because as soon as the digital came in my first it was cameras.
• 9:49
  Cheryl: And then my kids would take, you know, 50 photos.
• 9:54
  Cheryl: Of some little something they were doing, having fun with it.
• 9:58
  Cheryl: And then of course then when phones came in, they would, it was just so many.
• 10:04
  Cheryl: So I actually cut them in half and there's still, it needs to go way, way down from that.
• 10:08
  Cheryl: So
• 10:09
  Christie: yeah, the digital world has made it seem a little easier.
• 10:12
  Christie: Like that when you have so many, it makes it a bigger task
• 10:16
  Cheryl: and then you have to go, which one of these do I throw away?
• 10:18
  Cheryl: Which one do I keep?
• 10:19
  Ellen: That's I know I've, I've helped women throw their photos out.
• 10:23
  Ellen: And like you only, cause they'll take, you know, 15 pictures of the child smiling, the same sprouts.
• 10:31
  Ellen: And I said, just pick the best three.
• 10:33
  Ellen: Right.
• 10:34
  Ellen: And if you dump them, you'll know.
• 10:36
  Ellen: I forget, but you have these three beautiful that you like and whatever you want to do,
• 10:40
  Christie: because in 10 years, you're just glad that that day was documented in some way.
• 10:45
  Cheryl: Christie, maybe we can commit to having Ellen run our lives.
• 10:49
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:49
  Christie: I think that's a great thing.
• 10:51
  Christie: Yes.
• 10:52
  Christie: Just bring me the albums when they're completed and all that.
• 10:55
  Ellen: And I love to scrapbook, so I still do old school.
• 10:58
  Ellen: I mean, I've done some on line, but I like printing out my photos and putting them in.
• 11:04
  Ellen: I think I decided, I think I counted them.
• 11:07
  Ellen: I have 57 scrapbooks.
• 11:09
  Christie: Oh yeah.
• 11:10
  Christie: I did that until my second was born and she turns 20 this week.
• 11:14
  Ellen: So, well, I did that all in like two summers, one summer.
• 11:19
  Ellen: I said, I'm catching up on scrapbooks and I sat down and probably, you know, cranked out 20, 22 scrapbooks
• 11:26
  Christie: at that point.
• 11:27
  Christie: Hopefully when we're sitting up here this time, next year I'll have 57.
• 11:31
  Christie: You know, I just lifted where I'm at now is looking at having a little more time margin and the season of life.
• 11:39
  Cheryl: And one of the reasons we're talking about this.
• 11:42
  Cheryl: On a parenting podcast is because moms, you're not just a parent.
• 11:49
  Cheryl: We care about you as an individual.
• 11:52
  Cheryl: And you know, our slug, when we talk about bringing you hope, we want to encourage you, but we also want you to flourish.
• 11:58
  Cheryl: So this is not an area that's directly related to your role as a parent, but this is about you as a person.
• 12:08
  Cheryl: And we care about you.
• 12:09
  Cheryl: I love that
• 12:10
  Christie: Cheryl, because who we are in our core is really where we parent from and what our kids are, are seeing in us as they move towards
• 12:19
  Cheryl: adulthood.
• 12:21
  Cheryl: There's some other areas, just throw them out there, popcorn it, uh, that maybe we might want to look at to reassess at this time.
• 12:29
  Christie: I think people are making all kinds of fitness goals, financial goals, um, health, spiritual values.
• 12:37
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:38
  Cheryl: Cause you know,
• 12:39
  Ellen: I just take my last year's goals and bring them over because I usually don't change them that much.
• 12:45
  Ellen: I just might tweak them and I realize, okay, I didn't do well in this area.
• 12:50
  Ellen: Why didn't I do well?
• 12:52
  Ellen: So that I'm going to change it a little bit because after a while you kind of have the same core things you
• 12:57
  Cheryl: want to do.
• 12:58
  Cheryl: And see, I think that's, we we've hit several times here talking around at seasons.
• 13:03
  Cheryl: So when you're a young mom or whatever, and let's just say your life is really full with all you're doing and you are changing and growing.
• 13:12
  Cheryl: And, you know, I did a lot more different changes to get to this point in my life.
• 13:19
  Cheryl: So I think it's not only have you focused and worked hard and been diligent in that area, but also in this season of life.
• 13:29
  Cheryl: You have kind of processed so much.
• 13:31
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:32
  Ellen: When you have younger children at home, sometimes you forget that you still have to care for yourself.
• 13:39
  Ellen: And the goal setting is solely for you because you're saying, okay, here's some things I want to do for myself.
• 13:47
  Ellen: And that ultimately will make you a better wife and mom.
• 13:50
  Ellen: And we can
• 13:50
  Christie: do that realistically thinking what, what small bite of this, can I take, maybe I can't, you know, run a marathon this, this year, because I just had a baby or maybe some of you can, I would not have marathon that year.
• 14:05
  Christie: I had a baby, but, um, but you can work towards walking every day or, and so being realistic in the season that you're in we'll so
• 14:14
  Cheryl: you use the.
• 14:15
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 14:16
  Cheryl: Again, we go back to the studies and they say the biggest reason that everybody fails with their new year's resolutions or their decisions is they're not realistic and say, wow, okay.
• 14:29
  Cheryl: I've never run a marathon before.
• 14:30
  Cheryl: I think.
• 14:32
  Cheryl: A 10 K this month in a marathon and in, right.
• 14:35
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 14:35
  Ellen: That's never going to happen usually, unless you that's all you want to do
• 14:39
  Cheryl (2): or listen to what Ellen says.
• 14:42
  Cheryl (2): And, um, in the past that has brought so much.
• 14:46
  Cheryl (2): Defeat on me because that's not my style.
• 14:49
  Cheryl (2): or situation Now I do a version of it.
• 14:52
  Cheryl (2): But to hear what Ellen says, I mean, that sounds like all the mature or the leadership things, they talk about it and it wasn't realistic for me cause I had to find my style.
• 15:03
  Cheryl (2): Yeah.
• 15:05
  Christie: I love the saying, um, comparison kills, contentment, contentment, and the way that we're just lazy and apathetic towards things, but content with, like you said, Our own personal style and circumstances and personalities,
• 15:20
  Ellen: you know, introverts extroverts make a big difference as to what they want to accomplish.
• 15:24
  Ellen: And I would not want somebody doing my goals and I wouldn't, I wouldn't do Cheryl's and she wouldn't do mine.
• 15:30
  Ellen: They would be different.
• 15:31
  Ellen: And what, and, and I'm saying this is over, you know, 30 years that I've been doing goals.
• 15:37
  Ellen: You eventually know yourself and you go, I'll never do that.
• 15:40
  Ellen: So I'm not going to put it down there cause it's not important enough.
• 15:43
  Ellen: I may think it's important.
• 15:45
  Ellen: Because somebody said, oh, this is really important to do, but I really listed clean.
• 15:48
  Ellen: No, I'm probably not motivated to do that.
• 15:51
  Ellen: So work on, even if it's just one thing that you're motivated to change and do well,
• 15:55
  Cheryl (2): One of the things that I think is important is our motives, because I go back again.
• 16:01
  Cheryl (2): Okay.
• 16:01
  Cheryl (2): Let's say, um, I'm better about it now because.
• 16:06
  Cheryl (2): I'm more mature, but I wasn't such bondage to hear something like what Ellen does and then I think, okay, so what notebook did you buy?
• 16:15
  Cheryl (2): What day-timer, what have you done?
• 16:19
  Cheryl (2): And I was bringing it onto myself rather than it reflecting who I really was and then finding my own style with it, um, and getting it's tools tool, but my motivation would be.
• 16:33
  Cheryl (2): To either please her or for me.
• 16:37
  Cheryl (2): Oh, if I do that, I'll look like this kind of person and that to have external things changing who I was rather than.
• 16:47
  Cheryl (2): Working all my insights reflects who I am.
• 16:50
  Cheryl (2): Yeah.
• 16:50
  Cheryl (2): Well, on the outside, right.
• 16:51
  Christie: I think that's really important.
• 16:53
  Christie: And the truth is we can't do it all and we're only created to be who we are.
• 16:59
  Christie: And so to, to look at our, our own personal giftings and circumstances, and
• 17:05
  Cheryl: personally, I feel that way when you were younger.
• 17:07
  Cheryl: Cause I didn't, I thought we were.
• 17:10
  Cheryl: Yeah, no, I've I
• 17:11
  Christie: definitely struggled with that where I think.
• 17:14
  Christie: Oh, they're doing so well at this.
• 17:16
  Christie: And then this person's doing so all of that and this person's doing so all of that, and I should do all three of those things.
• 17:21
  Christie: That's just not
• 17:23
  Ellen: true.
• 17:23
  Ellen: I remember laying in bed at the end of a long day and I realized I hadn't finished my list and it might be something as stupid as mopping the floor and I would get up and mop the floor.
• 17:32
  Ellen: Cause it was on me to do list because I was so focused on my.
• 17:38
  Ellen: In my to-do stuff.
• 17:40
  Ellen: And that's the problem.
• 17:41
  Ellen: When you're a more goal centered person, you can become a slave to the goals.
• 17:46
  Ellen: I mean, obviously now at this point in my life, that's not
• 17:48
  Cheryl: an issue, but you don't get up
• 17:52
  Ellen: but Mike would be like, what are you doing?
• 17:54
  Ellen: I forgot to mop the floor.
• 17:56
  Ellen: And he just kinda grown and, you know, let me go, oh my, so, you know, I would be really bugged if I didn't finish
• 18:03
  Christie: something well, and that, like you were saying, Cheryl, like, what's our motivation.
• 18:07
  Christie: I, I know, you know, my girls they've talked about, you know, going to people's homes and the mom might be really uptight about the household staying a certain way.
• 18:17
  Christie: And, and maybe those are goals of, you know, you, you are that you want to be more organized in your home, but like you said, if it's robbing you of joy and you're in bondage to it and your kids don't feel comfortable bringing their friends over, you know, you've got to look at your motives.
• 18:33
  Christie: And
• 18:34
  Ellen: I remember.
• 18:35
  Ellen: Years ago.
• 18:36
  Ellen: One of my kids came home from a birthday party and she goes, mom, it was like a, did you have fun?
• 18:42
  Ellen: She cause she, yeah, but they didn't have a theme and it was really unorganized.
• 18:47
  Ellen: And I know she meant that as a compliment, but there was a little part of me that went, oh yeah.
• 18:52
  Ellen: Okay.
• 18:54
  Ellen: Right.
• 18:54
  Cheryl: So she was probably at my house.
• 18:58
  Cheryl: He lived across country from each other.
• 19:00
  Cheryl: I didn't, I was much more free flowing on that instead of a theme.
• 19:06
  Cheryl: But see if you
• 19:07
  Ellen: enjoy doing
• 19:08
  Christie: that
• 19:10
  Ellen: thrill, oh, we can do a theme and we could get this and
• 19:13
  Cheryl: that.
• 19:13
  Cheryl: And no, my focus would be, how can we make it more fun?
• 19:17
  Cheryl: What would be
• 19:18
  Christie: fun?
• 19:18
  Christie: But if that's not fun for you, then
• 19:20
  Cheryl: it's not.
• 19:21
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:22
  Cheryl: Rather than it's a theme.
• 19:23
  Cheryl: It's how many fun, what can we do that would give joy to this child?
• 19:28
  Christie: And I think Ellen, you make a good point that we should be speaking these things into our kids too.
• 19:32
  Christie: And reminding them, this is how we do things at our house.
• 19:35
  Christie: But when you go to Sarah's party, it's okay if they do things differently.
• 19:39
  Christie: Right.
• 19:40
  Ellen: But I've had to do a lot of times, you know, say, well, that's how their family does that.
• 19:44
  Ellen: And you know, that's fun too.
• 19:46
  Ellen: And
• 19:46
  Cheryl: just what it could, because I'm not young enough to be your daughter, but this way I am.
• 19:54
  Cheryl: I would have felt the burden if she said that.
• 19:56
  Cheryl: Oh, so I have to always have a.
• 19:59
  Cheryl: I have to have 56 photo albums.
• 20:01
  Cheryl: And, but to be so careful that we just have the gray and, you know,
• 20:07
  Ellen: I told my girls in particular, cause it affects girls more than the boys.
• 20:11
  Ellen: I said, do not do as much stuff as I did.
• 20:16
  Ellen: You know, they have different capacities, different personalities.
• 20:19
  Ellen: And I said, that was me, but don't do that.
• 20:22
  Ellen: And they don't, I'm really proud of my daughter say fine.
• 20:25
  Ellen: Their rhythm, what they like to do.
• 20:27
  Ellen: They've taken some of the things that I've done, some of the things they've done their own thing, and it works for them, but whatever you do, you want to know that you're giving your kids tools for wherever they go with that tool.
• 20:39
  Ellen: That's good.
• 20:40
  Ellen: I was just thinking, you know, that the new year always brings changes and some people like change and some people don't.
• 20:46
  Ellen: How about you Christy?
• 20:47
  Ellen: What do you mean.
• 20:48
  Christie: Um, well, I do not like change that is forced on me.
• 20:53
  Christie: I do like change because I'm one that kind of gets bored with things.
• 20:57
  Christie: And I like to change things up in my home and in schedules and it gives me, like I said, like, I like a fresh start, but I think I also have a control issue.
• 21:08
  Christie: So I like things to be on my term.
• 21:12
  Christie: Rather than someone forcing change on me, which is not helpful in most circumstances, I can relate to that.
• 21:19
  Cheryl: I'm pretty good about change.
• 21:21
  Cheryl: I'm like you kind of resistant of course, to have someone force it on me, but I'm really thankful.
• 21:28
  Cheryl: And I think maybe.
• 21:30
  Cheryl: Having moved a lot and gone through some of the changes like that growing up, like you have, um, that it made me more flexible.
• 21:39
  Cheryl: So I love the permanent, like my kids having lived here for 20 years, I love what that's worked into the life.
• 21:47
  Cheryl (2): In fact, I was talking with one of them last night, just the longevity of their friendships as they grew up here.
• 21:54
  Ellen: That reminds me of a funny story.
• 21:56
  Ellen: When Mike and I were first dating, I sort of asked him because I came from a family.
• 22:00
  Ellen: We moved every three years.
• 22:02
  Ellen: That was just normal.
• 22:03
  Ellen: And, um, so, but he lived in the same house, his whole life, and I thought that was really fun.
• 22:09
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 22:09
  Ellen: I thought that was fascinating.
• 22:11
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 22:11
  Ellen: So he said to him, well, I actually lived in two houses and I said, you might go, well, what was the biggest trauma you felt like you had when you were a kid?
• 22:18
  Ellen: What was a really hard thing?
• 22:20
  Ellen: He goes, we moved.
• 22:22
  Ellen: And I, one time I said, what do you mean you moved?
• 22:25
  Ellen: I thought you always lived here.
• 22:26
  Ellen: Cause I know you lived in this town almost your whole life.
• 22:29
  Ellen: He goes, oh yeah, we lived around the corner and we moved to that house and I just looked at it for crack Jeff.
• 22:35
  Ellen: And it goes to what was so hard about that.
• 22:37
  Ellen: He goes, well, it was just far enough that my friends, cause they were little couldn't come.
• 22:42
  Ellen: I had to make
• 22:42
  Christie: new friends too far to walk.
• 22:45
  Christie: It was the funniest
• 22:45
  Ellen: thing.
• 22:46
  Ellen: You're like three blocks.
• 22:50
  Cheryl: Your, your relationship, your marriage, we're a Seesaw.
• 22:54
  Cheryl: He would be sitting on the far end of one edge and you would be in the middle and here we are talking about new years and changes and everything.
• 23:12
  Cheryl: So the three of us did a lot of moving in our childhoods.
• 23:16
  Cheryl: Um, I think I saw some flexibility into me what are some of the other benefits that change can bring the image?
• 23:25
  Cheryl: What do you have to have when things are changing?
• 23:28
  Cheryl: Because we may be talking to some listeners who like things.
• 23:32
  Cheryl: The way they are change is scary.
• 23:34
  Cheryl: A lot of people are really afraid of change.
• 23:37
  Cheryl: What would be some things we could speak into that about?
• 23:41
  Christie: I find, um, change is hard for me initially, because.
• 23:46
  Christie: Having had a lot of change, not always good changes.
• 23:49
  Christie: It does make you feel a little nervous about what it might look like on the other side of it.
• 23:54
  Christie: But typically I can eventually find a silver lining and look at the good aspects of it and, and, uh, be a little more optimistic about, okay, this could work once I Wade into the new waters.
• 24:06
  Christie: So yeah, I mean, I it's hard for me at first and that does take some perseverance of knowing.
• 24:12
  Christie: Okay.
• 24:12
  Christie: If I can just get through this transitional time, there are going to be some good things on the other side.
• 24:17
  Cheryl: So, no, it's really good.
• 24:18
  Cheryl: And we go back again to what studies say, what psychologists are saying.
• 24:22
  Cheryl: So not only does it need to be realistic and keep it focused and so forth, but that we need to develop resilience in it because it's a new dance step.
• 24:33
  Cheryl: It's something that we've said that change can be scary, but what you're saying, hang in there and develop the resilience.
• 24:42
  Cheryl: So what are some ways that we can encourage moms here when they're, maybe they're trying a new step of something or big change or small, whatever it is, what are some steps of things that might help them to succeed?
• 24:58
  Christie: I think inviting others along on your journey, you know, asking for, um, a friend to come along, if it has similar, goals or, um, changes in their lives, or maybe someone that's gone the journey ahead of you, that's already experienced that in that area.
• 25:15
  Cheryl: Well, so when you've had so much of that,
• 25:17
  Ellen: yeah.
• 25:17
  Ellen: When I've told you before about my friend, that she's a real athlete and she decided Ella needs to walk, And this was quite a few years ago.
• 25:25
  Ellen: So she said, I will meet you every morning between five 30 and six 30.
• 25:29
  Ellen: And we will walk that's early and it was early.
• 25:34
  Ellen: And so we did that for quite a few months.
• 25:36
  Ellen: And finally she said, are you, you know, are you starting to enjoy this?
• 25:40
  Ellen: And I know it disappointed her when I said, no, not really, but I enjoy being with you.
• 25:45
  Ellen: That's why I get up every other morning to hang out with you.
• 25:49
  Ellen: And we walk and now I didn't continue the habit, but having someone come alongside was really.
• 25:56
  Christie: Right.
• 25:57
  Christie: So you found one aspect of that, that you enjoyed in a way that you could make the change tolerable.
• 26:02
  Cheryl: So that's the benefit of accountability.
• 26:06
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 26:06
  Christie: Accountability can be good, but I've noticed a little.
• 26:09
  Christie: Times, maybe with younger people, particularly, um, sometimes accountability is not welcomed.
• 26:17
  Christie: You know, sometimes they see it more as judgment.
• 26:20
  Christie: Like they don't want people that close calling them out on hard things.
• 26:25
  Christie: I find that really interesting that, um, they, they would see that as, as judgements, maybe they feel like
• 26:31
  Ellen: they have to.
• 26:32
  Ellen: That that's kind of what you're doing.
• 26:34
  Ellen: Oh, you're saying I'm going to do this, or I'm performing and you're judging my performance.
• 26:39
  Christie: Right.
• 26:39
  Christie: It may feel like failure when someone's calling.
• 26:42
  Cheryl: So this goes back to what we've been saying, why we have to reassess ourselves, look at our motives, our reasons, and then take small bites.
• 26:53
  Cheryl: So that's internal when it's an internal decision, not external.
• 26:57
  Cheryl: And so if I feel like you're telling me, I have to do things your way, I'm not taking ownership of it.
• 27:05
  Cheryl: I could say ownership is what we need before we can invite someone else in.
• 27:10
  Cheryl: So we don't feel like they're layering it on top.
• 27:13
  Ellen: Yeah, because if you just, you know, if you want to change something and you want a partner to kind of help you do that, and you ask them, that's different than saying Ellie, you need to lose some weight.
• 27:24
  Ellen: I'll be your fat coach.
• 27:31
  Cheryl: piece of pie.
• 27:33
  Ellen: I'm gonna eat this in front of you.
• 27:37
  Cheryl: I heard some.
• 27:38
  Cheryl: Once I suggest this, that when you're trying to narrow something down to succeed, because all of us would like to succeed and flourish in every area of our lives, but that's unrealistic and to take baby steps.
• 27:54
  Cheryl: And so what they suggested is that like here at the beginning of the year and see this helps your moms.
• 28:01
  Cheryl (2): If you're.
• 28:02
  Cheryl (2): Not at the place that Ellen is to do this radical thing that It would be first let's look back and say, what's something I'm thankful for in the last year.
• 28:13
  Cheryl (2): And then the second would be what's something I'm looking forward to in the new year to bring that into it rather than, oh, I got to Liz, I've got to lose weight.
• 28:22
  Cheryl (2): I've got to organize my pantry.
• 28:23
  Cheryl (2): I have to it out with the children.
• 28:25
  Cheryl (2): And then instead of that, what's something you're actually looking forward to.
• 28:29
  Cheryl (2): And then look, and find one thing that you would like to change.
• 28:34
  Cheryl (2): And then use those, that environment maybe to look at that one thing and then maybe saying it would help for me.
• 28:43
  Cheryl (2): I'm going to make my decision and who would be that person?
• 28:47
  Cheryl (2): I could speak into that and encourage me in the walk.
• 28:49
  Cheryl (2): I love
• 28:50
  Christie: that.
• 28:50
  Christie: I think that's a gracious kind to yourself away to reassess what, what might not be working, but gently walk yourself into some changes in that area.
• 29:03
  Cheryl: And then you could reassess saying, okay.
• 29:05
  Cheryl: I'm kind of doing a ride on that.
• 29:07
  Cheryl: Now let me, what's something, I
• 29:08
  Ellen: may add another little thing, you know?
• 29:10
  Ellen: Cause that's baby steps.
• 29:11
  Ellen: You do those little steps and then you go, okay.
• 29:14
  Ellen: Oh, I've walked a half a block.
• 29:15
  Ellen: I can do another half a block.
• 29:17
  Ellen: And so
• 29:18
  Cheryl: can we look forward next week to you're telling us how many half blocks.
• 29:22
  Cheryl: Probably not So I guess we're not her walking.
• 29:30
  Christie: She has not invited us into that.
• 29:31
  Christie: That's that's
• 29:32
  Ellen: my that's my continued failure is my walking life.
• 29:36
  Ellen: Every year.
• 29:36
  Ellen: It's on my goal sheet and I, I just put it there because I'm supposed to and, um,
• 29:42
  Christie: and I never do eventually move up the
• 29:44
  Cheryl: list.
• 29:45
  Cheryl: Hasn't become internal.
• 29:46
  Ellen: No, it has not for you.
• 29:49
  Christie: So you're, but you're being gracious with yourself, Alan.
• 29:51
  Christie: That's really very gracious.
• 29:54
  Christie: Cheryl, you have that great little, um, saying that you came across about how to be gracious with yourself, but still hold yourself accountable
• 30:03
  Cheryl: on goals.
• 30:04
  Cheryl: sort of what we've been actually saying here We want to make changes, just like taking it a little bit step at a time that it is change
• 30:12
  Cheryl (2): takes time, but it also takes grace So that we're not under condemnation.
• 30:18
  Cheryl (2): We don't feel the judgment.
• 30:19
  Cheryl (2): We're excited to become a new, more flourishing person in whatever area it is, even if it's just a small area.
• 30:27
  Cheryl (2): So time plus grace plus grit.
• 30:30
  Cheryl (2): And so grit is that resilience I'm committed to this.
• 30:34
  Cheryl (2): And with the grace don't say, yeah, but it's just this one thing don't do that.
• 30:39
  Cheryl (2): I'm excited.
• 30:41
  Cheryl (2): I want to grow in this one area and, and something I say, because I am so old, I go, but you have to understand.
• 30:49
  Cheryl (2): I've never lived this day before.
• 30:51
  Cheryl (2): I've never been this old.
• 30:52
  Cheryl (2): I've never interacted this way.
• 30:55
  Cheryl (2): This is a new day and I don't want to be the same person next week than I am this week.
• 31:00
  Cheryl (2): That's
• 31:00
  Christie: really good.
• 31:02
  Christie: Asking ourselves.
• 31:03
  Christie: What does success look like in this?
• 31:05
  Christie: Yeah, maybe if you didn't meet the goal, you thought you were going to meet, but you did get more time outside with your grandkids, even though you maybe didn't walk every day, like you planned, or, you know, some version of success happened and, and finding that success and failure
• 31:20
  Ellen: is okay.
• 31:22
  Ellen: That's
• 31:22
  Cheryl: what
• 31:22
  Cheryl (2): grace
• 31:23
  Cheryl: is
• 31:23
  Ellen: About.
• 31:24
  Ellen: And that, I mean, you know, if you don't meet the goal, it's okay.
• 31:28
  Ellen: You have another day.
• 31:29
  Cheryl: Well, I will tell you one thing I'm looking forward to is our first full calendar year with the parenting podcast, going to be fun.
• 31:39
  Cheryl (2): And unfortunately we're out of time again,
• 31:42
  Cheryl: Mom, we're so excited to be here with you looking forward to sharing our year together.
• 31:48
  Cheryl: So remember moms in this new.
• 31:51
  Cheryl: Hang in there.
• 31:52
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 31:55
  Cheryl: Yes, it is.